Andrew’s SLAMMIVERSARY Results & Match Ratings: 7.15.2023

Even with a few replacements being necessary for one marquee matches, it also created a nice little buzz. With Deaner replacing Steve Maclin, PCO needs a replacement. Scott D’Amore made a phone call at the end of IMPACT on Thursday, who could it be? Eric Young? Bobby Roode? Teddy Hart? Johnny Devine? A truck filled with All Dressed Chips? Only one way to find out!

We had the Digital Media title match on the Countdown, so I figured I’d start with that. But the official first match is the Ultimate X…lets get this anniversary party going!

EXCLUSIVE: MK Ultra are the NEW Knockouts Tag Team Champions! @Kelly_WP @mashaslamovich #Slammiversary pic.twitter.com/mBFlOl7ONQ

— IMPACT (@IMPACTWRESTLING) July 16, 2023

Ratings:

• Digital Media Championship: Stripper Kenny w/Sheldon Jean vs Joe Hendry (c): Kenny King wins via Dirty Cradle – ** 1/4 – TITLE CHANGE!!
• Ultimate X Match: Kushida vs Kevin Knight vs Jonathan Gresham vs Mike Bailey vs Alan Angels vs Jake Something: Kushida wins the X – ** 1/2 
• The Coven (Taylor Wilde & KiLynn King) (c) vs MK Ultra (Masha Slamovich & Killer Kelly): Masha wins via RUssian Death Device – ** 1/2 – TITLE CHANGE!!!
• Special Enforcer Darren McCarty Grudge Match: Bully Ray & Deaner w/Kon vs Team Canada (Scott D’Amore & Eric Young): EY wins via Macho Elbow – *** 1/4
• X Division Championship: Lio Rush vs Chris Sabin (c): Lio wins via Final Hour – N/A – TITLE CHANGE!!!!!
• IMPACT Tag Team Championship 4 Way: Moose & Brian Myers vs The ABC (Ace Austin & Chris Bey) (c) vs SUBculture (Mark Andrews & Flash Morgan Webster w/Dani Luna) vs  Sami Callihan & Rich Swann: SUBculture wins via Fall to Pieces – *** 1/2 – TITLE CHANGE!!!!
• Frankie Kazarian w/Traci Brooks vs Eddie Edwards w/Lish: Eddie wins via Boston Knee Party – ***
• Knockouts World Championship: Trinity vs Deonna Purrazzo (c): Trinity wins via Starstruck – *** – TITLE CHANGE!!!
• World Championship Match: Alex Shelley (c) vs Nick Aldis: Shelley retains via Shellshock – **** 

Results:

Digital Media Championship: Stripper Kenny w/Sheldon Jean vs Joe Hendry (c)

Kenny actually takes his entrance shirt off immediately and rushes Hendry, but Hendry catches him and starts to toy with Kenny. A solid 30 second delayed suplex causes Kenny to powder right afterwards and then he sends Sheldon into the ring to distract Hendry and sneak attack him. Kenny puts a few moves together for a near fall, but he’s more interested in talking and grabbing a Chippendales bowtie from Sheldon to choke Hendry at first and then Hendry is wearing the tie as Kenny continues his offense.

T-bone Suplex out of the corner gives Kenny another near fall, as King sinks in a Guillotine to try and put Hendry to sleep. Hendry fires up, a few rope run misses and then Hendry catches the Crossbody, Sack of Shit! Hendry is about to remove the bowtie, but then instead decides to play around and do a little Dirty Dango. Eddy Gordo kick, Kenny goes to the top, Hendry catches him, Standing Ovation! But Sheldon puts Kenny’s foot on the rope to break the pinfall.

Kenny throws Hendry to the outside, goes for a Tornillo, but Hendry sidesteps and Kenny takes out Sheldon. Hendry comes in, Kenny goes for a flash Cradle and Sheldon holds Kenny’s feet on the ropes, and Hendry loses!

Ultimate X Match: Kushida vs Kevin Knight vs Jonathan Gresham vs Mike Bailey vs Alan Angels vs Jake Something

Okay, Jake is a big a surprise. I hope he gets a good push if this is a proper return. 

Everyone who isn’t Something tries to jump up the turnbuckles and rush the X, but Jake starts plucking everyone off. Kevin Knight actually jumps on Jake’s shoulders and tries to sneak the X that way, and it looks pretty cool but to no avail. Jake Powerbombs Knight onto the pile of waiting people outside because its wrestling in 2023.

Angels cuts off Something from climbing for the X, Gresham and Bailey try to team up to take down Jake but he fights them off. So all 5 of the other competitors focus Jake with Angels putting the finishing touches over the top rope. Two teams of two start fighting in an interesting tornado sort of way. After Gresham and Bailey take out Knight and Kushida, they wipe out Jake and then have words about climbing. So things break down they start fighting and Angels shows up for the slowest most obvious Dual Spanish Fly I’ve ever seen.

Kushida stops Angels, Electric Chair on the Apron, Knight hits a Doomsday Dropkick sending Angels back into again, a pile of waiting bodies because it’s cooperative bullshit 2023 wrestling. Bailey decides to climb the lighting truss and Ultimate Triangle Moonsault into the bodies. The waiting for high spots mentality of wrestlers is dumb as shit nowadays, but at least the spot was cool. Angels introduces a chair and Chairshots get handed out to everyone for Angels to try and get to the X without interference. But Knight cuts off Angels while his crossing the cables and Angels decides to drop down and Poison Rana for his troubles.

Gresham is the next one trying to stop Angels, and Angels with the back kick into the balls. Angels thinks he’s got some space but then the big bear that is Jake Something smashes Angels’ face into the truss and then starts crossing to the X. Angels dives for a flying nut shot on Jake. Bailey, Kushida and Angels are crossing, Angels kicks Bailey in the dick, but Kushida crosses in a way for his nuts to not be exposed. He punches Angels down from the cables and Kushida wins!

If Sabin wins or loses, the interesting thing happens if Shelley retains. Because Kushida or Sabin possibly cashing in Option C has some nice levels to it. 

The Coven (Taylor Wilde & KiLynn King) (c) vs MK Ultra (Masha Slamovich & Killer Kelly)

This is a match made in Hot Topic heaven. Sexy Witches versus Sexy Violent chicks. There are definitely Pornhub tags for this match.

Kelly wants Taylor to hit her and just absorbs the strikes until Masha comes in to say something to Kelly…but they turn around immediately to attack The Coven and utilize a few tandem moves out the gate. Kelly drives Taylor into a corner and smacks her around, she tags in Masha and Masha hits a big running Dropkick for a near fall. Taylor eventually slips a move and manages her own tag to KiLynn and they use some tandem offense herself.

Masha hits a cool rolling Cradle that she follows up immediately with a short Mushroom Stomp and then leans back into the Cradle for 2. Kelly tags back in and KiLynn and Kelly start trading some moves. Taylor swipes a blind tag, Kelly gets draped and Stun Gunned, then Taylor rocks her. KiLynn tags back in, throws down a few power spots but a big miss on a Top Rope Senton Bomb. Masha and Taylor come in, but Masha goes nuts with the Sambo strikes. Diving kicks, Spinning Heel Kicks, and nice offense until KiLynn breaks up the pin. Kelly tries to neutralize King with a Headbutt but she no sells and returns the Headbutt rocking Kelly.

Witches Wrath from Taylor, but Masha kicks out! They got for a Hart Attack style finish, but Kelly picks the leg to stop KiLynn, and Masha hits the Russian Death Device on Taylor for the win!

Special Enforcer Darren McCarty Grudge Match: Bully Ray & Deaner w/Kon vs Team Canada (Scott D’Amore & Eric Young)

While I would’ve liked a deeper dive, EY gets a huge reaction and seems pretty happy to come out to the Team Canada music again.

The match starts out with Deaner and EY, and Deaner is obviously rattled. So Deaner tags out before contact of course. EY starts with a simple Top Wristlock, D’Amore wants the tag, comes in but Bully slips away for them to talk. D’Amore hops up and down showing off some agility for an old fat guy…though his t-shirt is already soaked. Deaner tries to run the ropes to outdo D’Amore, but a Flashing Leg Lariat from D’Amore gives them the upper hand and a few more moves from Scott before EY gets tagged in. EY and Scott with a small 3D on Deaner before Scott tags back in and hits the Polish Hammer from the middle buckle. Deaner tries to get something going but Scott hits a Sky High for 2.

Kon tries to get involved, McCarty then also tries something but the referee of course gets wrapped up with McCarty, so Bully and Deaner take some shortcuts. Bully chucks Scott to the outside in front of Scott’s mother. Bully still showing a decent handle on classic heel tactics that resonate fairly well. Bully trying to bait Mama D’Amore into hitting him was very old school. The crowd starts singing the Canadian National Anthem, this must be the Canadian equivalent to the USA chant. Bully Low Blows Scott in front of the referee and demands to get disqualified. EY is saying don’t do it, Bully is trying to intimidate the ref, but surprisingly…the referee just takes his shirt off and quits the match.

Darren McCarty grabs the stripes, Scott finds an opening to Spear Bully, stereo tags, EY does the Flair/Adrian Adonis corner flip, runs to the corner, punches Deaner and lands his strike. Fluid offense from EY, Piledriver for Deaner, but Kon pulls McCarty out of the ring. Kon involves himself, attacks EY, then A-1 comes out of the crowd to eliminate Kon. McCarty hits a Stunner on Bully, EY and McCarty hold Bully’s legs and D’Amore hits the WAZZUP. They do a big get the tables spot, and this is an overbooked trainwreck, but the crowd loves it and Bully is such an easy to hate piece of shit, its fun to watch this type of old school wrasslin’. Bully goes through the table, Scott hits the Canadian Destroyer on Deaner, EY with the Macho Elbow and Team Canada wins!

EXCLUSIVE: Team Canada Forever!@ScottDAmore @TheEricYoung #Slammiversary pic.twitter.com/er6saRfRCZ

— IMPACT (@IMPACTWRESTLING) July 16, 2023

X Division Championship: Lio Rush vs Chris Sabin (c)

HAIL SABIN!

Rush with the Handstand Kick as soon as Sabin gets to the ring, then blitzes right into a Suicide Dive. Blistering speed on the sneak attack.Ringside doc keeps telling Sabin not to start the match, but Sabin pushes the doc out of the way, says he’s gonna go and Rush Dropkicks him while he’s in the middle of taking his jacket off.

Rush frames Sabin and Sweeping Overhead Kick in the head, Final Hour from Lio…1…2…KICK OUT! Sabin is concussed and nearly out after the early attacks, Lio is shocked but goes up for another one, lands the Final Hour again…and wins?!

IMPACT Tag Team Championship 4 Way: Moose & Brian Myers vs The ABC (Ace Austin & Chris Bey) (c) vs SUBculture (Mark Andrews & Flash Morgan Webster w/Dani Luna) vs  Sami Callihan & Rich Swann

This is a two men only style of 4 way, so things are gonna get messy.

Mandrews and Bey start off with some quick but not significant action, until Ace tags in and we see a quick bit of tandem moves. Mandrews bridges out of a headlock, Flash blind tags, SUBculture with some tandem Sentons and Ace is slowed down. Flash with the Lionsault to wipe out Austin and then Austin gets blind tagged from Rich, so a new team has some chance to win. Tandem offense from Sami and Rich, Sami hits the Get Out of Here, but Moose and Myers take advantage of things. They look to seize the opportunity with their power but things get reversed and everyone starts taking swings. Just a cavalcade of moves from everyone.

Flash wanted Pinball Wizard on the outside, but Sami cuts him off and instead dumps him outside with the Spicolli Driver. Flash fights back from the double team but Swann and Sami catch him and have a nice tandem strike into a Rolling Splash from Swann for 2. 450 finds nothing for Swann, Ace tags out Flash, Triangle Kick misses, but Drop Toe Hold gives them a chance. Torture Rack Bomb with Triangle Kick assist give ABC a near fall. Myers and Moose slide in, Double Jacknife, Moose tags out Flash but Mandrews sneaks a tag.

Mandrews keeps with the resilience, Moose gets the boot up and looks for a Brainbuster but Stundog Millionaire gives SUBculture the offense. Shadows Over Malice from Flash for 2! Moose tries to take out Rich and Bey together, beautiful Triangle Springboard Splash…but Bey and Rich combine to hit a Double Cutter on Moose. Very cool spot. 1-2-SWEET attempt, but here come the Rascalz! They wipe out Ace, Myers tags himself in but Flash hits the Eaton Rifle. Fall to Pieces from Mandrews and SUBculture wins!

Frankie Kazarian w/Traci Brooks vs Eddie Edwards w/Lish

A very old school grudge match start, where there’s a couple of Back Elbows, Chops and Roll-Ups early on. So at least it’s not typical Japanese grappling start. Kaz tries to build off a couple shots but Lish grabs his foot. Traci returns the favor on Eddie and Kaz connects with a big Backstabber into the Headlock to try and squeeze the air from Eddie.

Eddie dumps Kaz to the outside and Lish starts mocking him as Traci stalks towards Lish causing Eddie to get in-between the women. Manhattan Drop from Eddie into a Release Belly to Belly Suplex for 2. Eddie keeps things close with the wrist control and short arm chops. Eddie finally misses a chop and Kaz connects with a release German, which finally gives Kaz some momentum. Lish keeps trying to motivate Eddie even after Kaz drops him outside and then goes inside out with the Frankensteiner.

Kaz starts lighting up Eddie with chops, and as they’re going back inside Lish hits the Back Rake with her long nails. Kaz walks her back into Traci but before Traci can clock Lish, Eddie hits the Dive on Kaz. Eddie starts mouthing off to Kaz’s kid, then Frankie and Eddie exchange a few chops and headbutts that seem a bit stiff, but Kaz is mostly on the receiving end. Eddie peppers Kaz, Kaz fires up and they meet in the middle trading boots and chops before Kaz finally gets the best of the offense! Springboard Leg Drop but Eddie moves, but Kaz noticed and manages to land on his feet, lay out Eddie again and finally hit the Leg Drop for 2. Unprettier gets countered, Kaz tries the top rope but the Enzuigiri from Eddie says no. Backpack Stunner connects from Edwards for 2. Eddie takes Kaz to the top, Superplex!

Even though Eddie has been in better shape most of the match, he’s a little slow to follow up. Wants the Chicken Wing for salt in the wound, Kaz counters, goes for the Knee Party but Eddie ducks. Tiger Driver attempt, Kaz counters into a Reverse Powerslam for 2. They jockey for position, both try suplexes and end up both going over the top to the outside. Kaz is in the ring first, Eddie crawls up, Slingshot Cutter for 2! Frankie launches for a Diving Forearm, Eddie ducks and Kaz kills the referee! Both take each other out with Lariats as Lish decides to grab a Kendo Stick.

Traci takes down Lish when Lish tries to hit Frankie with the Kendo Stick and then wipes out Lish with a Charging Lariat. Kaz sinks in the Chicken Wing, Eddie taps out, but there is still no referee. Kaz goes to find the ref, Eddie grabs the stick, cracks it across Kaz’s back, Boston Knee Party and the Celtics win the rivalry game!

Knockouts World Championship: Trinity vs Deonna Purrazzo (c)

I don’t know who’s niece or daughter they got to play violin for Deonna’s entrance, but it was awful. Never do that again unless you get a good musician.

A few quick moments from both women, Trinity with the O’Connor Roll but Deonna slips it and almost gets the Fujiwara but rope break. Next exchange Deonna powders and avoids the Rear View. So we get the small tastes of both women going for the finishing moves but avoiding anything early. Deonna ducks the lariat, Trinity then tries to go to a Springboard but Deonna follows and pulls the ropes to drop Trinity off her Springboard attempt. Deonna starts to dissect pieces of Trinity already, focusing mostly on the left arm.

Trinity trips up Deonna, goes for a Leg Drop but Deonna moves and then hits a Sliding Dropkick for a near fall. Deonna grabs the left arm and whips Trinity back down to the ring on the damaged arm. Staying in control, Deonna bars the arm and drops back trying to hyper extend the arm or beat up the joints. Deonna charges the corner, Trinity tries to catch her in a Headscissors, but Deonna turns it into a forward Electric Chair Drop. Trinity manages to finally get some fire, a few kicks into a Samoan Drop to land a Disaster Kick for 2! Cradle into Starstruck, but now we get locomotion counter cradles. Trinity goes for a Running Headscissors but Deonna stops her and lands a Piledriver for 2! Knee Lift, into Russian Leg Sweep, and then Fujiwara Armbar!

Slingshot X Factor from Trinity, Split-Legged Moonsault for another near fall! They’re out fighting on the apron, Deonna hits a snap Queen’s Gambit, but takes a little too long to push her back into the ring so Trinity kicks out at 2. Deonna perches her, fires in some forearms and is looking for an Avalanche Queen’s Gambit. Trinity fights it off, Avalanche Bully Bomb into Starstruck. Trinity ties up the legs as well and Deonna taps out!

Not bad, but a little Sloppy and awkward at points. Plus that violinist was cringe as hell. 

World Championship Match: Alex Shelley (c) vs Nick Aldis

One has to hope that Shelley will break the current trend of all the champions losing their titles. Especially if Sabin is actually legit hurt with how awkward and sudden that Lio Rush match was. 

After the bell rings, Shelley and Aldis stare down a little and Shelley spits water in his face and goes after him quick. Early on Shelley gets caught in a Powerbomb and Aldis goes for the King’s Lynn Cloverleaf super quick. Are both Guns going to lose in quick upsets!?

Shelley gets to the ropes but it took a while so everything is even more uphill for Shelley. Aldis with the big sternum first Power Whip into the corner. Aldis is being slow and deliberate, Shelley tries to kick the knee fast but Shelley is favoring his back so Aldis gets annoyed and starts stomping on Shelley. Shelley eats some turnbuckle and keeps absorbing strikes, chokes and Irish Whips. Shelley tries a Body Press out of the corner, but Aldis catches him and deposits him quite easily. Another whip to the corner, and Shelley moves out of the way, charges, sees the foot come up and catches it in the Dragon Screw. Kicks the inner thigh and Dragon Screws the same leg (left leg) again. Shelley goes for the grounded Dragon Screw even through a few of Aldis’ upkicks. Hesitation Dropkick to the left knee, then Shelley hits the Spinning Toe Hold on the left leg, another stomp and looks for a Figure Four but Aldis gets out of it. Dive from Shelley but Aldis turns things around on the outside. Aldis grabs Shelley, looks for an Inside Out Suplex to the floor, but Shelley snaps Aldis away with top rope, floats over the top and lands on Aldis’ arm and they start to brawl outside a bit. Aldis tries to ram Shelley into the post, but Shelley slips and shoves Aldis into said post. Shelley is trying to break Aldis’ fingers in the chains of the turnbuckles and the crowd loves it.

Another stomp on the hand and the crowd craves violence. Shelley goes for the Shoulder Block, Aldis dodges, thinks he caught him but then eats a Dragon Screw. Shelley then connects with a Chop Block while Aldis is reeling from the Dragon Screw. Close quarters dirty boxing and joint manipulation from Shelley. Round Kicks to the hamstring for Shelley, but Aldis takes the rope run and connects with a Lariat to stop Shelley’s offense. Aldis to the top rope while gimpy but Shelley cuts him off and maybe a Superplex? Yup Superplex from the guy with back issues, so that probably did more to Shelley than Aldis. Strike exchange ensues, Shelley gets the best of things, chops Aldis into the corner, they follow to the other, Flatliner into the middle turnbuckle from Alex. Superkick attempt from Shelley, foot gets caught, King’s Lynn attempt but Aldis can’t get him over. Figure Four from Aldis that Shelley counters into a Cradle, Sliced Bread afterwards, 1 – 2 – Border City Stretch transition.

A lot of quick counters and transition moves, Shiramui attempt from Shelley, stopped and countered into a Piledriver for 2. Elbow Drop from Aldis for another near fall. Aldis goes to grab the title belt, Shelley kicks him, Aldis drops it and Shelley wants to use it…but the referee talks him off. Low Blow from Aldis, Michinoku Driver for…ONLY 2! Aldis goes back to the belt and the ref is trying to talk him out, kicks Aldis, he drops the belt, DDT on the belt, Shellshock from Alex after Aldis gets some color and SHELLEY RETAINS!

Overall Score: 7.5/10

Post match, we see Josh Alexander make his return to a Canadian crowd who loves him and it’s a simple “I’m Back”. This sets up nicely for a few potential feuds to get back in the main event picture for Josh since Eddie beat Kaz and Aldis might be a little bitchy about losing. But potentially getting an Alex Shelley vs Josh Alexander match at Bound For Glory is potentially awesome stuff.

As for the show, it was a mixed bag. Team Canada match was nice with the return of EY, general feel good old school over booking but there was a ton of mediocre or bad wrestling. Plus the shocking Sabin loss I hope was more done just as a change of pace and not because Sabin is legit hurt. MK Ultra is a team I will love for purely selfish and horny reasons. SUBculture winning is interesting. I expected The Rascalz to screw ABC, but I wasn’t sure who would be the lucky recipient. And of course being the Alex Shelley mark that I am, seeing him win automatically raises the show for me.

So aside from a few technical issues, potentially questionable booking and a few early matches that didn’t really jive super well, it wasn’t a bad show. It paid off the bigger stories, we got huge returns of Eric Young and Josh Alexander and Trinity ends up getting her first title outside of WWE. Memorable show.