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Mitchell’s Hyrule Puro-Resu News Report! (7/7/23)

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HPW News 2023

Chart a course and set sail!

HPW hit Termina Velocity and is now picking up speed towards Treasure Island! We hear from this year’s Eventide Six!

 

After the Eventide Challenge Qualifier Battle Royal.

Backstage interview with Rod Wyler.

Irene is with “The Greatest Wosu-ler Alive” and congratulates him on being one of the Eventide Six. He says it was only natural, as someone of his “acumen” was not going to be thrown around like he’s nothing. He can and will use his arsenal of armlocks, leglocks, wristlocks, toeholds and suplexes to become the 2023 Mr. Eventide. But Irene points out that the Eventide Challenge isn’t a match contained in the ring, it’s part race to the golden ball and back. What? Really? Yes. Has he not been watching the last four years?

Rod is a bit flustered but he says it won’t matter. He’ll still use all of his grappling knowledge to win. Irene looks to side and says “Sure…” Will Rod’s confidence be truly tested this Summer?

 

Backstage interview with Darbus.

Seres is with the hulking Goron icon, and congratulates him on being part of the Eventide Challenge. She asks him how he feels about his chances at Treasure Island? “Oh, I’m feeling good, Seres. I’m feeling real good! Five other people in the match won’t mean anything after making it through a match with 21! I’m going to be the first Goron Mr. Eventide, I’m going to take on whoever is champion in October, and I’m going to stand atop the mountain! HA HA!” Darbus flexes, but will his muscles carry him through?

 

Backstage interview with Odolwa.

Paya is with the God of Woodfall and is fittingly nervous. She congratulates Odolwa, and asks how he’s feeling. Odolwa breathes heavy and deep, and looks right into the camera. “The island may be far removed from my realm, but I will still conquer you all. So says the God of Woodfall.” Odolwa leaves and Paya sheepishly thanks him for his time. Will it be Odolwa’s time after the Eventide Challenge?

 

Backstage interview with Sharky Shipwreck.

Irene is with the TCW legend and congratulates him on being part of the Eventide Six in his big return to wrestling, how is he feeling? “Lemme tell ya somethin’, Mean Irene! It feels so great to be back in the big leagues, and it felt so great to be mixing it up with stars new and old. But don’t get it twisted. I’m not here to have fun and ride a nostalgia train. I am going to sink my teeth into that prize and be a champion again. So get ready, HPW, because there’s a shark in these waters, and sharks don’t stop moving.” Will Sharky Shipwreck have a return to wrestling worthy of the history books?

 

Backstage interview with Aveil.

Seres is with the Desert Flower and congratulates her on being the one lady in the Eventide Six this year. Aveil thanks Seres for that, and says that being the only woman doesn’t really matter. The inaugural Eventide Challenge winner was Zelda, and she was in a pretty strong field, just like Aveil is this year. Aveil vows to be the second woman and the first Gerudo to lead the way for the Sisterhood! Will this Desert Flower bloom with gold once again?

 

Backstage interview with Militron.

The Armored Annihilator is joined by the other Faces of Evil as Paya hesitantly scoots into frame. She congratulates Militron for being in the Eventide Challenge, but also gives her condolences to Harlequin and Glutko for falling short. Harlequin says Igos’ kick was a lucky shot. But he’s also confident “Militron will maul them all and stand tall as Mr. Eventide.” Glutko says only the Faces of Evil will taste sweet victory! Militron says, “To all five of my opponents, know this. I shall light a fire that melts down your hopes and aspirations, and from them I shall forge my own future. It shall be a blade I use to cut down the Triforce Champion and take the title for my own. Then you will know what it is to face. Your. Foe.”

Paya timidly thanks them for their time and hurries away. Will HPW soon belong to FOE?

 

After the HPW Trios Championship match.

The UnderWorld Order walks in.

They’re celebrating the win that Hollywood ReDead and Ted Beedle Ossi helped Scaldera, Gomess & Death Sword get with distractions and interference. Beedle says that’s what Ladrona gets for scamming him. ReDead says it won’t matter who is put against their guys, they’ll still be golden through the Summer. Gomess says, “Speaking of, what was in that treasure chest?” Beedle starts but someone interrupts with an, “Oye, perros!” In walk Los Taros Locos! Death Sword says, “Oh look, it’s Tres Losers.” The UWO laughs, and Taros Blanco keeps Taros Rojo back.

Blanco tells the UWO that that was a rather clever trick they played on everyone. Beedle says gracias, but then Blanco says it also just shows how weak the champions truly are. Now ReDead has to hold Scaldera back. ReDead steps to Blanco and says, “At least they are champions. You lost your debut in the Wait & See Battle Royal, and now you’ve lost in the Eventide Qualifier. Winners like us are still stronger than losers like you.” Blanco says, “Then put your money where your mouth is. Oh wait, it’s all Beedle’s money, isn’t it?” ReDead gets heated but Nicolas Foolyere walks over and asks what’s going on.

Beedle says nothing, just a friendly chat. Foolyere says, “Is that so?” ReDead and Blanco glare at each other, but then ReDead backs off and says, “Yeah. Just a chat.” ReDead leads the UWO away, and Foolyere talks to Los Taros Locos. Foolyere commends them on their showings both tonight and back at the Spectacular Spectacle. Blanco says gracias, that means a lot coming from a legend like Foolyere. Foolyere shakes their hands, then leaves. Azul says ReDead did have a point about their losses here. Blanco says tranquilo, they’ve only just begun. Will Los Taros Locos bull rush their way through HPW?

 

HPW Management meets.

Nicholas Foolyere sits with Humpback Hook Halibut and Starfish McMaguro at HPW Headquarters. They’re all liking how the HPW poster looks. Not too much clutter, and just a great picture of the waves crashing on the shore. But Starfish points out that they also couldn’t advertise all the matches because they haven’t figured out all the matches yet. Hook says that on top of Kage VS Zelda, Ganon VS Shale and the traditional Eventide Challenge, they know Midna is facing Riju for the Goddess Championship. That leaves the Death Mountain Championship and the Trios Championships.

On one hand, the Death Mountain Championship is an Open Division, anyone can challenge for it, so it truly allows for track records to speak for the wrestlers. The same goes for the Trios Championships, but we already saw a lot of teams battle for a shot in the Wait & See Battle Royal. They can’t just default back to Arrow Club or the Gerudo Sisterhood, they’ve had plenty of shots already. But at the same time, it’s hard to say who had a standout showing when going against those teams.

Foolyere says he has some suggestions for those. “Iron Knuckle made it… apparent to me that he wants a match for the Death Mountain title. And as he was the runner-up in the Beat the Clock Challenge, he does deserve something for his efforts, doesn’t he?” Starfish sees what Foolyere means. Plus, it’ll be a first-time-ever match, that’s a selling point in and of itself. Hook says that will be the match, then. Midna’s second Twilight Princess Double Header will be Midna VS Riju for the Goddess Championship, and then Midna VS Iron Knuckle for the Death Mountain Championship.

Now, to Foolyere’s idea for the HPW Trios Championships. “I came across a rather tense encounter between the UWO and that new team, Los Taros Locos. They said it was friendly, but I’ve been around long enough to know what that really meant.” Hook does like Los Taros Locos. They may have joined HPW’s Training Center only back in March, but they aren’t greenhorns. They come from a long line of wrestlers, it’s why Hook put them in the battle royals at all. So if Foolyere is thinking what Hook thinks he’s thinking, he’s all for it. He supports Los Taros Locos getting their first shot at the Trios Championships at Treasure Island.

Starfish says this meeting went better than she thought. They’re all in agreement, and now they can draft up the contracts and the advertising material. Foolyere claps his hands together and says, “Alright! See everyone on Eventide then!” The card is now finalized, but will these new challengers make the most of these opportunities?


My Thoughts:

Part of this was fairly superfluous, just character stuff from our Eventide Six. But it did need to be established that Iron Knuckle’s “influence” on Foolyere is already working, and that we’re freshening up the Trios Division just a touch. This is gonna be the most packed Treasure Island yet because there is still the thing with the treasure chest to address, and trust me, that’s gonna be some fun, too.

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