Another year, another field of hungry HPW hopefuls!

With just over three weeks to prepare, we hear from this year’s eight Dark Horses before they stampede onto Irch Plain for their HPW debuts!

Blaino speaks.

“Blam-o wham-o, my fists are infinite ammo! A quick one-two and you’ll be black ‘n’ blue! And while I may be rappin’ ‘n’ rhymin’ now, my opponent’s gonna be singing the blues all the way home. The shot you don’t see is the one that takes you down, and with as fast as my fists move, this match won’t last long. Then I’ll knock out 32 other Hyrule Warriors and go right for the champ! They won’t know what hit ’em!” Does Blaino have a puncher’s chance in a pro-wrestling match?

Avalaunch speaks.

“In order to prove I am the strongest in Hyrule, I shall crush, smash, mash, bash and otherwise break whoever is put in my way! It is as simple as that.” Well, that was straight to the point. Will this stone giant do all that and more once the bell rings?

Paya interviews The Grim Creeper.

Paya is a bit nervous as she asks the stout Stalfos how he feels being named one of this year’s Dark Horses. Grim says, “There’s a large crop of young talent all around Hyrule, wanting this opportunity, so for HPW to see me as part of this year’s top eight is… vindicating. I have been working so hard for so long and I’m finally getting the recognition I deserve! And I’m going to get the acclaim I deserve when I win and go on to Clash of Fates!” Grim brings out a flute, and as he walks away, he plays Chopin’s Piano Sonata No. 2, “Funeral March.” Dun dun da-dun, dun dada dada da-dun! Will The Grim Creeper be the death of the this generation?

Dinolfos works out at the HPW Training Center.

And he is raising the bar, both literally and metaphorically, on HPW combine strength records. Standing at 6’7″ and weighing just under 300 pounds, this razorback reptilian is benching 500! He finishes his reps and sits up for the interview. Irene says that was an impressive showing just now, and asks how he feels going into the Dark Horse Stampede. Dinolfos chuckles and says, “Whoever is put up against me isn’t going to stand a chance. They’ll merely be an appetizer for me before I feast on 32 Hyrule Warriors in the Coliseum. Now let me get back to work.”

Dinolfos stands up, moves the bench aside, and then he squats those 500 pounds! Will anyone survive this wrestle-saurus rex?

Cragma speaks.

He stands on the side of Death Mountain, his spooky cycloptic eye staring daggers at the camera. “I am no ‘dark horse.’ I am no ‘surprise victor.’ Here today, I guarantee victory! Both in September, and October, and then again and again, over and over. None shall stand before the heat, all will be ash at my feet. So saith THE LAVA LORD!” There’s fire in his eyes and in his words, will he blaze a trail to the gold?

Freezlord speaks.

In a parallel yet antithesis to Cragma, this mysterious masked man covered in ice stands on Hebra Peak. And he doesn’t stare at the camera but off into the distance. “Summer is over. The heat is dying down. Soon, a chill will come through the air. HPW will shiver from the winds of change. It will not be a cold snap, gone as quickly as it came in. No, this will be a new ice age, where I shall reign supreme. Don’t think of me as cold blooded, it’s just my nature.” Is Freezlord going to leave everyone buried in the snow?

Thunderbird shows off his skills.

The Rito luchador runs the ropes, ducks ‘n’ dodges, then springboards to flying arm-drag! Then he kips up, dropkicks, then dodges another to handspring back elbow! SPINAROONI! “If you think that was impressive, just wait until I get serious.” If that’s what Thunderbird can do without even trying, what will we see when opportunity is on the line?

Yunobo speaks.

“U-Um, h-hi, everyone. M-M-My name’s Y-Yunobo. S-Sorry, I’m just… a bit nervous. Could I get some water?” A stagehand hands him a bottle from offscreen and he thanks them. He then chugs the bottle all the way to about three quarters of the way empty! He thanks the stagehand again, and continues. “I’m, uh, a third-generation wrestler. My grandfather is Daruk, I know he hasn’t been wrestling lately but that’s cuz he was helping me train and was with me for my indie debut and, well, anyway, um, so I’m pretty confident- Uh, no, I’m really confident. Very confident! So, so confident, that my grandfather has prepared me for this moment! I won’t let you down, Grampa!”

Yunobo then asks if that was good and the camera cuts. Confidence issues aside, Yunobo is just as big, maybe even bigger than his grandfather in size. Will that at least give Yunobo a fighting chance in this Dark Horse Stampede?

My Thoughts:

I know this is all rather superfluous stuff, promos from characters that are truly 100% made up, but I felt we should “get to know” these characters before seeing them in action, with only half really being guaranteed to stick around. Though as I think about it, I haven’t done the best job of keeping all of last year’s Dark Horses active. I’ll try to do better about that, I really do like a lot of those characters.