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Mitchell’s Hyrule Puro-Resu News Report! (12/31/23)

Dawn of the Final Day!

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HPW Final Day

It’s almost time. Will history repeat itself?

Just moments away from the Celebration of Greatness, HPW takes a look at what’s coming for the Termina and Triforce Championships!

 

The hands of time cannot be stopped.

Everything moves forward with time. Everything moves forward in time. Time waits for no one. And if you are not careful, if you are not prepared, if you are not aware, time leaves you behind.

“Such was the story of TCW,” Ganon says. “But c’mon, you don’t need to hear all that again, right? They were Icarus, who flew too close to the sun with wax ‘n’ paper wings, then crashed ‘n’ burned. But hey, their legacy lives on, right? HPW thought it fitting to honor TCW by granting Igos du Ikana the honor of starting the lineage of this: the Termina Championship.” Ganon shows off the belt, making sure it catches the light. “The iconic belt was basically brought back from the dead,” Ganon continues. “The only real change was adding the HPW logo to it.” Ganon points to the silver seal stamped near the top.

“With HPW establishing the Termina Championship, it even resurrected Igos’ career,” Ganon says. Ganon beat Igos to get his shot at the HPW Triforce Championship, which Ganon won. Igos then beat Ghirahim to establish the HPW Termina title, and beat Osphala at the original HyruleMania. Oh but then Igos lost in the rematch! Ganon laughs at that, and says it’s because Osphala ended up such a forgetful champion anyway. And after that, Igos floundered around. Which is also funny, because he failed to defeat Fin Balure for the title while Ganon succeeded. “Honestly, I’m not even sure why I’m accepting this challenge.

“Oh, that’s right. Igos friggin’ kicked me in the side of the head at Clash of Fates! That bag o’ bones thinks he can just pull the oldest magic trick in pro-wrestling, with the lights goin’ down, comin’ back up, and surprise~! He’s there! And then he takes a cheap shot to try and humiliate me? Well now I’m gonna humiliate him in return! I’m going to make sure his time runs out, once and for all!”

A clock ticks forward.

From the shadows, Igos du Ikana steps forward. “I’m sorry, Ganon, but I think you’re mistaken. Magic trick? Cheap shot? Humiliation? That’s not what I was doing at all. That kick at Clash of Fates was your wake-up call. I was sounding an alarm. Did you defeat Fin Balure when I could not? Yes, you did. Did you defeat the cyclops known as Hinox? Yes, you did. And did you defeat TCW legends along the way? Yes, once again, you did. But what about any of that makes you untouchable? What about that means this gets any easier? I thought you of all people knew nothing lasts forever. Not even a title reign.”

Highlights of Igos losing to Osphala and Fin intermingle with highlights of Ganon losing to Link, while that clock from earlier spins out of control. Then the voices of Igos and Ganon overlap with additional warping as they say, “Those who do not learn history are doomed to repeat it.” The chaotic highlight reel ends with that Elegy of Emptiness heel kick at Clash of Fates, and then it all goes black. Then in all white, the HyruleMania logo fades into view, and there’s a digital clock counting down to the start of HyruleMania 4. Whose time runs out when the clock strikes twelve?

 

The video pauses, then stops.

The screen goes blue, and the sound of a VHS cassette tape being ejected can be heard. Then the sound of a cassette tape being put in, and a new video starts up. It’s a young Hylian couple in the hospital. They’re incredibly happy, tears of joy streaming down their faces. The wife just gave birth and the husband helps her hold their twin baby boys. The video then cuts to the happy couple having their boys home for the first time, putting them in their cribs. “Good night, Link,” the mother says sweetly. “Good night-” The audio gets really bad here for some reason. Then a dark filter goes over the footage as “The duality of destiny is like a razor’s edge” appears in scratchy lettering.

Then there’s cut-together pieces of HPW: Deep Dive from last year, Just Like You by Three Days Grace playing in the background. Kage’s highlight reel rise to the HPW Triforce Championship, the draw at Clash of Fates 2, the Triple Threat that helped him win the title, and then pieces from Link’s message to Kage and Kage’s response. Specifically, it lines up Link saying “as my enemy” and Kage saying, “as your enemy.” Then cut to their Blood Match for the title at Clash of Fates 3. “Seems growing up with our parents made you soft.” And then Link snaps and beats Kage down. However, Kage would score both the moral victory as well as the literal.

There’s another highlight reel bringing us to where we are now. Kage stands at 18 months and 20 days, the longest reign as HPW Triforce Champion, only trumped by Zelda’s reign as HPW Goddess Champion being a full two years. Link is the only two-time Triforce Champion, a former Mr. Eventide and a two-time Hyrule Warriors match winner. But this literal blood feud is about far more than the title. Aryll watches Link train, a look of worry on her face. Kage trains alone in solitude. We flash back to them as babies wrapped in blankets in their mother’s arms. Both men stop to catch their breath, then hydrate and cool off. They’re mirror images of each other.

They may be brothers, but that is only in DNA. There is no love lost for the men they have become. “The duality of destiny is like a razor’s edge” returns again. If that is the case, who gets cut down by the other in this fated main event battle to end the year?


My Thoughts:

This one I really like. These weren’t as lengthy as previous “Deep Dive” segments, but I feel like Ganon and Igos have the right intensity, and I like the visuals in relating Link and Kage. Now I just hope the matches live up to the hype…


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Mitchell’s Hyrule Puro-Resu News Report! (5/1/24)

The Gerudo Sisterhood is (not) fine.

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Mayday! Mayday!

The Triforce Anniversary did not go their way, and now The Gerudo Sisterhood sits down to talk it out. Will things (not) be okay again?

 

The Gerudo Sisterhood meet up.

In Gerudo Town, Riju sits in the throne room, Buliara by her side. Aveil, Nabooru and Urbosa arrive together. Riju asks where Tali and Shabonne are, and Aveil says she has no idea. Nabooru and Urbosa also don’t know, no one’s heard from either all month. Did she go back to sand seal racing? Nabooru checked around the track, checked the Great Dunes, no one there had seen her, either. Is Tali feeling that guilty about the spear? Everyone watched the tape back, it was by accident, she has nothing to feel bad about.

The group argues about that a bit. Tali went out there when she wasn’t supposed to. And even if it was an accident, she should still apologize, shouldn’t she? That’s a good point. Well, for now, they’ll just have to wait until Tali comes to them. For now, everyone needs to turn their attention to what’s coming: ThunderStruck.

The Gerudo Sisterhood double check the match card.

An Open Challenge for the Death Mountain Championship starts things off. Nabooru and Aveil tried to get that spot, but it seems someone already called their shot. Who do they think it was? Urbosa says, “Does it really matter? The Sisterhood will be right on the heels of the winner either way.” The others are all for that. Then The Dark Forces seem to be making moves. Cia has Ganon by her side, but who will Ruto have? Between Fin Balure and Bad Croc Scaly, she’s got strong choices, and Arrow Club could even parlay this tag match into a shot at the Termina Championship.

How’d Arrow Club figure out how to avoid Blood & Thunder this year? That’s anyone’s guess, but watching the UnderWorld Order battle it out with the rest of the Dark Forces will be just as much fun for the Sisterhood as it will be for the HPW Trios Champs. Kevin Gibdo, Volga, Zant and Wizzro aren’t exactly the friendliest bunch, but hopefully they give ReDead, Scaldera, Gomess & Death Sword the beating they deserve for all their underhanded moves. And it’d keep them from getting another chance at the HPW Trios titles at that.

The sore spot is the Triforce World Championship match. Yunobo has his shot at the title, and again Tali’s involvement in the Triple Threat cost the Sisterhood. But Link’s a three-time HPW Triforce Champion for a reason. For one, he won the Hyrule Warriors match, and he won the Eventide Challenge. Buliara points out that the other reason is that he lost the title along the way. If things come in threes, then will he lose a third time? Personally, Riju hopes not. She only survived that Beat the Clock Challenge against Link, and wants to settle things in a proper match. That’s also something the Sisterhood can get behind.

There’s thunder in the distance and they all look out the window to see a storm rolling across the desert. Thundra Plateau awaits, but who will rumble their way to victory?


My Thoughts:

Hooray for a hype article! Just imagine this as a really cool vignette video you’d see a major company put out. Also, I did need to keep the story of the Gerudo Sisterhood going, don’t want that slipping through the cracks. I’m feeling some intrigue as we move deeper into the Spring, this should be fun.


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Hockey Talk- Power Players [043024]

Hockey Talk reviews the action from the first round of the 2024 NHL Playoffs and looks forward to some intriguing matchups looming in the second round.

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Chairshot Radio Large

On this week’s edition of Hockey Talk, the guys take a look at the first round of the 2024 NHL Playoffs. The best teams and highest seeds flexed their muscle during the opening round of the playoffs. Out East, it was Chalk City as the Rangers, Hurricanes, Bruins, and Panthers took firm control of their respective series. The West, on the other hand, was far less certain as most of those series were shaping up to be tough, hard-fought, battles to the very end. Which teams impressed the guys the most and which likely second round series are they most excited about? Tune in and find out!

Today’s hosts: Dave Ungar (@AttitudeAgg) and Patrick O’Dowd (@WrestlngRealist)

  • 2024 NHL 1st Round Playoff Recap
  • The East goes according to form
  • The West is wild

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