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Mitchell’s Hyrule Puro-Resu News Report! (9/25/24)

Fate awaits in the Coliseum

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HPW prepares for another Clash!

The Dark Horse Stampede has passed, The Clash of Fates is approaching! And Arrow Club promises something BIG for Hyrule Coliseum!

 

Clash of Fates is once again October 31st!

And it is also returning to South Central Hyrule and the Hyrule Coliseum! And speaking of returns, while Gomess wants to take back the Million Rupee Championship for the UnderWorld Order, there must be consequences for his unwarranted attack on Kevin Gibdo at Treasure Island. So if he wants to take back that title on behalf of Hollywood ReDead, he’ll have to spin the wheel and make the deal! That’s right, Wrestling Roulette will be brought back, for it is a Clash of Fates after all! Who will fortune smile upon that day?

 

The Arrow Club walks ‘n’ talks.

Fin Balure leads the way as he, The Young Ducks, Ruto, Torbevito and Yunobo walk south down Scouts Hill Road, north of Lake Hylia. The Zora Rock ‘n’ Rolla says, “Well, well, well. We all took on The Stupid Don’t Quit and rinky-dink Link, and who came out on top?” Mack Quackson says, “Uh, we did.” Fin says, “That’s right, Mack. And so, who’s got all the momentum going into Clash of Fates next month?” Rick says, “Uh, we do.” “That’s right, Rick. And who’s gonna enter Hyrule Coliseum with the gold-” “Uh, we will,” Torbevito says. The others tell him no, that wasn’t his cue. Oops, sorry. Fin sighs and starts again.

“Who’s gonna enter Hyrule Coliseum with the gold, and then leave Hyrule Coliseum with the gold?” The others wait, but then Ruto nudges Torbevito. “Oh! Uh, we will!” “That’s right, Torbe! And here’s how we’re gonna do it. First off, TSDQ, you lot already failed on Treasure Island, so you’re lucky you’re getting anything from us at all! So now, we have to raise the stakes and really make you work for what you want.” Ruto moves up as she says, “That’s right, Fin. So if lil’ Ladrona thinks she can steal my gold, she’ll be sorely mistaken. Since we’re going into Hyrule Coliseum, let’s do it like they used to do it.

“Thief Girl Ladrona, I am challenging you to GLADIATORIAL COMBAT! You choose one weapon, I choose mine, and we fight like there’s no tomorrow. Because for you, there won’t be.” Fin says, “That’s wicked good. And speaking of wicked, uh, boys, what was your idea again?” The Ducks move up front now, standing side by side. Rick asks Mack, “What’s your favorite scary movie?” “Depends. Are you actually asking me or are you quoting Scream?” “Oh ho, good catch. Especially when that’s what Tisdiq is gonna be doing the rest of their lives.” Wait, “Tisdiq?” Yeah, T S D Q, Tisdiq. Oh, that’s so true!

“So, Tisdiq,” Mack says, “better beware because you’re in for a scare! And you’re gonna have a bit more than goosebumps after we’re done with you. We challenge Groose, Tingle and Skull Kid to a Trios Terror Time match!” Rick says, “Tornado rules, anything goes, and that means we can bring your nightmares to life while giving you some new ones!” Fin says, “When things go bump in the night, am I right? And lastly, the big man!” Yunobo doesn’t need to step up, he’s visible over everyone in the background.

Yunobo says, “I’ll keep it reeeal simple for you, Link!” Torbevito mutters if that’s him copying Fin or not. “You keep gettin’ lucky, little man, but no more! Oooh, I’m gonna flatten ya like a pancake, yeah! They’ll have to scrape ya off the ground like roadkill! There won’t be enough of you left to fill the shoebox your boots came in! Ooh, you shoulda let me have the belt the last time, because Clash o’ Fates is gonna be the last time anyone sees you walkin’ around, Link! Because it’s gonna be LAST! MAN! STANDING! See you in the Coliseum, boy! Ooooh, yeeah…!” Yunobo’s got the team fired up, and then Torbevito points out they’ve arrived.

Arrow Club gets ready to take a dip in Lake Hylia, but will they still be dripping with gold? Or will the Clash of Fates have different plans in mind?


My Thoughts:

Here we go! Year five, fifth Clash of Fates, it’s gotta go hard, gotta go big. All the title matches getting stipulations, and of course the Hyrule Warriors match is always big, this is gonna be a lot of fun.

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