Entertainment

Mitchell’s Hyrule Puro-Resu News Report! (12/30/24)

Prepare to climb…

Published

4 weeks ago

December 30, 2024

Steven Mitchell

Once again, Death Mountain’s summit awaits.

HPW continues the tradition of the Death Mountain Championship ladder match, and six stars now prepare to climb!

Everyone prepares in their own way.

Ralph practices with the ladders at the HPW Training Center. Specifically, he practices pulling ladders out from under the ring and sliding them into the ring. Then he practices standing the ladder up. He even tests how fast he can go up a ladder while still keeping it steady. Ralph wants to dedicate working with the ladder to his muscle memory “so that it’ll be second nature, an extension of my body. The ladder and I will be- CRAP!” Ralph almost falls with the ladder! He gets mad at the ladder and he shoves it away. “You’ve gotta be careful, these things have a mind of their own.”

Militron is lifting ladders like they’re weights, doing bicep curls and squats, then full lifts over his head. Militron says he can’t break a sweat with these, they’re too light. Militron grabs two ladders and deadlifts them, but that’s not enough. He stacks three ladders, but that’s not enough. Four ladders is getting there, but his arms aren’t long enough. Militron gets frustrated and RIPS a ladder in half! The Grim Creeper works on his cardio by running on a treadmill, and Ted Beedle Ossi is there to coach him on. Beedle wants the UnderWorld Order to bring even more gold home, and Creeper’s just the guy to do it!

Igos du Ikana keeps his strikes sharp as he kicks and punches the heavy bag. “No one can climb when they’re out cold.” Meanwhile, Ghirahim isn’t working with a ladder, or even in a ring. He’s at a table in what appears to be a workshop. And he seems to be sketching while working with leather. “I will climb that mountain. I will have that championship again. And this time, it will truly be… exquisite!” Oh no, more argyle! As for Thunderbird, he says, “Who needs to climb… when you can fly?” The video montage goes back and forth between Thunderbird hitting springboard moves and actually flying across the plains.

All six men look up above them, and we get a shot of the Death Mountain Championship hanging over the ring in years past. Who rises to the occasion and reaches the summit to stand above the rest?

My Thoughts:

As I said yesterday, this is all rather rushed because I’ve been so busy with other stuff. But I do like how this one turned out, especially Ghirahim’s and Thunderbird’s with their clever quips.

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