Andrew’s Impact Wrestling Results & Match Ratings: 12.8.2020

Well this is the biggest IMPACT! in roughly a decade. Long since the days of a weird inescapable dome, Hulk Hogan, AJ Styles (in TNA) and tangible buzz, AEW could hopefully breathe new life into the product.

Does Impact make use of their spike in interest or will we just get some AEW pandering and call it a day?

Let’s find out!

"This isn't about we, it's about me." @CodyDeaner wants no help from @JakeSomething_ against @TheEricYoung tonight. #IMPACTonAXSTV pic.twitter.com/XYcYJczFEg

— IMPACT (@IMPACTWRESTLING) December 9, 2020

Ratings:

• Josh Alexander w/Ethan Page vs Chris Sabin w/Alex Shelley: Sabin wins via Jackknife Cradle – *** ¼
• Brian Myers vs TJP: Myers wins via Charging Lariat – ** ¾
• Cody Deaner w/Cousin Jake vs Eric Young w/Joe Doering: EY wins via Piledriver – **
• Rosemary & Taya Valkyrie vs Deonna Purrazzo & Kimber Lee: Rosemary wins via Double Underhook Sitout Slam – **
• Moose & Chris Bey vs Willie Mack & Rich Swann: Bey wins via Lights Out – ***

Results:

Josh Alexander w/Ethan Page vs Chris Sabin w/Alex Shelley

Sabin starts the match off fast, and it takes Josh a little time to stabilize and slow things down. Ethan Page has been a little all over the place, and even cost them a title shot, so Josh has been a little frustrated in multiple ways. This continues to bleed into the match, where Ethan is barking, and Josh meticulously goes after Sabin.

Ethan calls for Josh to drop him on his head, no more elbows, Josh yells back that he knows how to wrestle and Sabin counters the Jay Driller into a Jackknife Cradle. The North are imploding.

Looks like communication isn't going to be a strong suit between @DashingChrisBey and @TheMooseNation. #IMPACTonAXSTV pic.twitter.com/BkIlRQsrF7

— IMPACT (@IMPACTWRESTLING) December 9, 2020

There is a terrible worked “paid commercial” for AEW. I hate everything about Tony Khan. Schiavone saves the ad a little, but it’s cringy.

Brian Myers vs TJP

TJP takes an Arm Wringer and spins Myers in circles, much to Myers’ chagrin. TJP continues to keep Myers on the backfoot, even momentarily getting the Muta Lock sunk in, but Myers gets to the ropes. Then a small shortcut buys him some time, an Irish Whip into a headstand on the turnbuckle frustrates Myers again, with TJP hitting the Headscissors.

TJP hits 3 Amigos of Butterfly Suplex variety, misses the Mamba Splash, and Myers gets a near fall with the Jumping Flatliner. Myers goes for the Charging Lariat, TJP wheelbarrow counters into the Knee Bar submission. Myers crawls to the ropes, and uses the ropes to his advantage. But TJP counters a bit boot, Mamba Splash, but knees up gives Myers another near fall.

Sunset Flip into another Knee Bar almost has Myers, but Myers throws the ref into TJP to break the submission. Spinebuster and the Charging Lariat from Myers picks up the win!

There will be another Defeat Rohit challenge at #FinalResolution…for everybody except @MegaTJP. #IMPACTonAXSTV @HakimZane pic.twitter.com/vXH5EJBX8v

— IMPACT (@IMPACTWRESTLING) December 9, 2020

Cody Deaner w/Cousin Jake vs Eric Young w/Joe Doering

As expecting, since Cody is trying to prove himself he comes out hot. Eric Young manages to pick his spots to not eat too much offense, but Cody isn’t looking like a push over early on. Cody finds an opening with the Elbow through the ropes from the apron, Sunset Flip for a pin attempt, but not even that close.

Eric Young tries to big brother Cody, and it fires him up that he’s asking for EY to hit him. Cody takes the fire and hits a few nice strikes, a Scoop Slam, but gets distracted by Doering as he goes to the top for the Diving Headbutt. Piledriver from EY and it’s over.

Doering’s presence and Cody’s insistence to Jake to not get involved, slowed things down enough for EY to take the advantage. Jake saves Cody from a beat down, but Doering and EY go for stereo Piledrivers, and out comes the War Machine Rhino with a lead pipe!

.@THETOMMYDREAMER wants @legendoflarryd THIS SATURDAY at #FinalResolution! #IMPACTonAXSTV pic.twitter.com/hhzXrtGpLo

— IMPACT (@IMPACTWRESTLING) December 9, 2020

The fourth wall break with Larry D is amazing.

I also really like the implication from Dreamer that this smells like the ECW/WWF invasion angle from 1997. It’s not subtle and it’s nice for IWC fans who pay attention to those kind of things. D’Amore being amused with the buzz is perfect for the way he likes to portray himself between Impact and TalknShop shows. Fun segment.

Rosemary & Taya Valkyrie vs Deonna Purrazzo & Kimber Lee

Deonna and Rosemary start off, with Deonna going after the arm quick and trying to control things down to more mat/chain wrestling. Rosemary bites her way out of an attempted headlock causing Deonna to retreat and complain, as the other team members get tagged in.

Kim and Deonna actually have quite a few quick tags and keep Taya reeling. Kim has a Lotus Lock that looks to weaken the powerhouse of Ragnarok, Taya fights back eventually to bring Rosemary in to stabilize things. Rosemary eats a few double team moves, but she does the Resurrection spot which startles Kim and Deonna enough for Taya to clean house. Dual splits turns into a duel between Taya and Kim.

Deonna tries to kick Taya’s head off, misses and takes out Kim. The miscommunication gives Ragnarok the advantage, Rosemary wins with that Double Underhook sitout slam thing. That needs a damn name.

The Influencer starring @TenilleDashwood ᴀɴᴅ ꜰʀɪᴇɴᴅs team has fallen apart! #IMPACTonAXSTV @MrsAIPAlisha @kalebKonley pic.twitter.com/szdiDcKhYO

— IMPACT (@IMPACTWRESTLING) December 9, 2020

Callihan hits the ring with a slightly rambling promo putting himself over, but Alisha comes out at some point looking cute and pissed off. Sami tells Lish he’ll break her neck if she comes into the ring, Eddie hits the ring behind him and it looks like we’re keeping this Sami/Eddie revival going. It’s not a great situation because it feels a little forced, but they’re both quite good at what they do. So maybe they’ll salvage at least a good match.

Moose & Chris Bey vs Willie Mack & Rich Swann

There’s some fast paced action between Swann and Bey to begin with. Lots of Junior style counters and flips until Moose and Willie get in for the power. Willie tries to knock down Moose, but Moose gets up and takes it to Willie. Moose drops Willie, tags in Bey and then Powerbomb’s Bey onto Willie for a near fall. Moose imposed his will on his smaller partner, so it should be interesting if the lack of real cohesion will bite the heel squad.

Moose and Bey have been beating the hell out of Willie, even with Moose dictating and hard chopping Bey as a tag. Willie hits a Stunner on Moose to tag in Rich, but Moose does fend off the Impact Champion long enough to tag in Bey, more normally. Rich fights back, Frankensteiner’s Bey into Moose and keeps the momentum moving like an escalator for his team.

Tags in Willie, 6 Star – Miss Splash. Bey Headscissors Rich into the turnbuckle to stop any interference. Willie Stunners Bey, Moose Lights Out Spears Willie. Rich goes after Moose and they roll to the outside, where Bey crawls into the pin, and the Lights Out kept Willie down for the count.

Right before the interview segment, apparently there is a bouncer with a list and Rich Swann isn’t on the list. “The Champion” has the area, so Impact is putting the AEW Champion over as the real champion and Impact’s Champion is a jabroni apparently. Is this leading to Rich Swann trying to prove that Impact and their champion aren’t a joke? Because making them look like a joke on their own show…ain’t the right look.

No one calls that a Golden Screw Job or the biggest screw job since Montreal (I mean I referred to it as Jakylsonville Screw Job, but maybe that’s just me). I mean…I get the heel aspect of putting your stuff over as the best ever. But this is a bit much. Especially since we have 2 EVPs just giving one another a hand job. Kenny Omega also cuts an awful promo, it’s like a combination of Dennis from Always Sunny and Stan from South Park during the bullying episode.

Kenny refers to Impact and their belts basically as cute after thoughts to add to his collection. Callis also plays up the AEW title as the major pay off and the only real championship, on Impact television, as an Impact executive…I think even Susie knows that’s bad.

Overall Score: 4/10

Ironically if we separate the Impact product from the AEW cameo, this wasn’t bad. Hell it was all good Impact Wrestling work, but with Kenny and Don burying the company and focusing purely on themselves it doesn’t serve a correct purpose. Perspective is something you drive in storytelling, this is part of the reason why the WCW Invasion angle didn’t work and something Sting cites as why he didn’t go over initially when WCW folded. When The Rock looks at Booker T and says “who are you” that immediately makes WCW look weak and less than. So it’s old heel 101 that you’re supposed to build up the opponent to make it credible, not make it seem like you’re doing the world a favor by existing on the same plane.

So with that, the interview eviscerated this episode because when you make the champion and the accomplishments seem like nothing more than cute accessories; what was the point of having a show? You could try to argue that Callis and Kenny are narcissist heels who believe they are the straw that stirs the drink, which is all well and good. But you don’t go about it with a bad 80s bad guy monologue, laughable mannerisms, scoffing/stuttering to the point of sounding like you’re having a stroke and just generally missing the point. Kenny brought up comics in his promo, but in the comic world you never see Batman show up in Green Lantern’s comics, say the ring is only a toy and without Batman he’s nothing. It was well executed to save it for last to keep AEW viewers around, but God damn was it embarrassing.

With a more eyes on the product than they’ve had in years, the best parts of the show were the Impact aspects, the stories that were built and the in-ring content was solid. Cody trying to prove himself, Sami cutting a great if not pigeon holed promo, Dreamer and Larry D doing good comedy work, Josh Alexander and Chris Sabin opening with a solid match that also furthered the story being told. Just to reiterate, when you are telling the AEW audience that Impact ain’t worth shit (which most of them probably think anyway), you’re not cultivating anything, and for Impact to air that and think it was quality content, is…questionable at best.

And no, it’s not a tool for Impact to rise up and prove themselves in “Invasion or Crossover” style matches. When you reinforce things people already think, no one wants to see the underneath person, or in this case company, rise up to prove something. This is already a botched abortion of a partnership. Say Good Night Gracie.