The Hyper Battle is back for the 50th!

NJPW brings out a classic event for the Spring! Hyper Battle 2022 begins, and Zack Sabre Jr. is in action after his New Japan Cup tournament win!

OFFICIAL RESULTS

• Six Man Tag: Ryusuke Taguchi, Master Wato & Ryohei Oiwa VS Bullet Club; Bullet Club wins.
• Shingo Takagi & BUSHI VS Yoshinobu Kanemaru & DOUKI; Kanemaru & Douki win.
• Hiroshi Tanahashi & Jado VS Chase Owens & Gedo Bad Luck Fale; Chase & Fale win.
• El Desperado & TAKA Michinoku VS SHO & Dick Togo; Sho & Dick win.
• 8 Man Tag: Hirooki Goto, YOSHI-HASHI, YOH & Togi Makabe VS The United Empire; The United Empire wins.
• Hiromu Takahashi & Tetsuya Naito VS EVIL & Yujiro Takahashi; Hiromu & Naito win.
• Kazuchika Okada & Toru Yano VS Dangerous Tekkers; Dangerous Tekkers win.

PLAY BY PLAY

Hiromu Takahashi & Tetsuya Naito VS EVIL & Yujiro Takahashi!

The Ticking Timebomb is taunting the King of Darkness into giving him a NEVER Openweight Championship opportunity, but maybe he’ll just beat Evil into giving him one! Will Hiromu and Naito keep things tranquilo? Or will the Double NEVER Champion and the Tokyo Pimp make things Too Sweet?

House of Torture doesn’t even wait for their own entrance, they attack Naito & Hiromu from behind at ringside! Evil & Dick stomp Hiromu while Yujiro goes after Naito! Naito is sent into railing, and Evil chokes Hiromu with a camera cable! The ref reprimands, Evil lets Hiromu free, only to whip him into railing! The ref reprimands again but Evil drags Hiromu up. Evil whips Hiromu the other way, but Hiromu reverses! Evil goes crashing into railing! Hiromu throws off his jacket, tells Dick to back off, then he puts Evil in the ring. The bell finally rings, this is finally a match! Hiromu whips, to forearm and put Evil on ropes, then he kicks the ropes to run and SHOTGUN!

Fans fire up and Hiromu tags Naito. Hiromu has the ref watch Yujiro and Dick while Naito uses his jacket to choke Evil! The ref sees that and he confiscates the jacket. LIJ whip Evil to double elbow, then double basement dropkick! Fans applaud and Naito covers, TWO! Fans rally as Naito brings Evil up. It seems the blue buckle pad is already gone, so Naito is thinking of using the Bullet Club Special for his own. But then Naito whips Evil the other way, only to miss the rocket kick! Evil rakes eyes, and whips Naito into bare buckles! Hiromu gets in, Evil hits him first and whips Hiromu into bare buckles!

Evil goes out after Hiromu and stomps his leg! Then Evil gets a chair to CHOKE Hiromu! Yujiro drags Naito out to ram into railing and smack off the apron! Yujiro then puts Naito in for Evil to stomp. Fans rally for “NA-I-TO!” “L I J!” but Evil scoops and SLAMS! Cover, TWO! Evil is annoyed with the count but he tags Yujiro. Yujiro sits Naito up to DECK him, then he rains down more rights! The ref reprimands about closed fists, so Yujiro uses his forearm over and over! Yujiro sits Naito up, runs and basement BOOTS him! Cover, TWO! Fans fire up as “NA-I-TO!” stays in it, but Yujiro tags Evil back in.

Evil throws his House of Torture shirt at Hiromu to piss him off, then Evil throws Naito out for Dick to sucker punch! Dick puts Naito back in, Evil covers, TWO! Another cover, TWO! A third cover, TWO!! The deep leg hook fails and Evil is upset. Fans rally up behind Naito but Evil gives him taunting kicks. Naito gets up and he throws big forearms! Evil rakes eyes! Evil then whips Naito, but Naito reverses and spins Evil around, NECKBREAKER! Fans rally while both men are down, hot tag to Hiromu! Hiromu whips, Evil reverses but Hiromu RANAS! Hiromu DECKS Yujiro, and then he whips Evil to a corner.

Hiromu runs in, clothesline and snapmare to basement dropkick! Evil bails out but Hiromu is right after him! Hiromu whips Evil into railing! Fans rally up with Hiromu as he runs around the ring, BIG SHOTGUN takes out both Yujiro and Evil! Hiromu mocking asks, “What’s wrong, Evil?!” Hiromu chases Dick off again, then he hurries to keep Evil from running away to the backstage area! Hiromu drags Evil back to the ring, covers, TWO! Fans rally for “HI-RO-MU!” and “L I J!” but Evil fights the suplex to pull hair! Hiromu mule kicks but Evil blocks to hand it to the ref! Then Evil mule kicks Hiromu down!

Fans rally again as both men slowly get back up. Hiromu ends up in a corner, Evil winds up the arm and runs in, to clothesline! Evil then reels Hiromu in, but Hiromu fights the Fisherman Buster! Evil wrenches, reels Hiromu back in, EVERY- NO! Hiromu blocks and steals EVERY- NO! Evil slips out, but Hiromu mule kicks, front kicks and runs, but Yujiro has his pimp cane! Evil then waistlocks, but Hiromu elbows free! Hiromu runs, Evil grabs the ref, and Dick trips Hiromu! Evil then tags Yujiro and Yujiro drags Hiromu up. Yujiro kicks low, fires forearms, then CHOPS Hiromu in the corner. And CHOPS again!

Yujiro whips corner to corner, but Hiromu dodges and Yujiro hits buckles! Fans rally but Yujiro drags Hiromu away from Naito! Hiromu breaks free but Yujiro kicks low. Yujiro runs but into a basement dropkick! Both men are down, hot tag to Naito! Fans fire up as Naito throws forearms. Naito whips, arm-drags Yujiro, then whips him to a corner. Naito runs in to JUMP KICK, leg sweep, and COMBINACION CABRON! Fans fire up as Naito poses, then Naito covers. TWO, but Naito keeps cool. Yujiro kicks back, but Naito blocks to CLUB the leg! Naito kicks away on Yujiro, then gets the leg.

Yujiro fights Naito off, but Naito kicks again. Yujiro blocks to rake eyes, throw Naito down, and sliding BOOT! Evil DECKS Hiromu, and then he and Yujiro double whip Naito to a corner. Yujiro runs in to BOOT, Evil runs in to clothesline! Evil reels Naito in, FISHERMAN BUSTER! Yujiro basement BOOTS again! Cover, Hiromu breaks it! Evil throws Hiromu back out and tells Yujiro to finish this! Fans rally for “NA-I-TO!” but Yujiro reels him in. Naito fights off the Incolle Slam, then spins Yujiro to a full nelson. Yujiro breaks out and fireman’s carries, but Naito slips off to swing. Yujiro ducks the elbow for a GERMAN SUPLEX!

Yujiro gets up and runs, to LARIAT Naito down! Cover, TWO!! Evil brings in a chair! The ref stops him right there, but Dick slips the pimp cane to Yujiro! Yujiro aims at Naito as fans rally up, but Naito blocks the cane attack! Naito kicks low then dropkicks the leg out! Naito has the pimp cane now and Evil tells the ref! The ref tells Naito to stand down. Naito lets the ref have the cane, Hiromu drags Evil off the apron to whip him into railing! Naito whips but Yujiro reverses, then Yujiro dodges the flying forearm! Yujiro waistlocks again, but Naito resists so Yujiro shoves him at the blue corner. Naito stops himself, then dodges, and Yujiro hits bare buckles!

Hiromu SHOTGUNS Yujiro into the buckles! Naito atomic drops and ENZIGURIS Yujiro, Hiromu SUPERKICKS! Rolling jackknife cover, LIJ wins!

Winners: Hiromu Takahashi & Tetsuya Naito, by pinfall

House of Torture tried their tricks, but LIJ knew how to get around each of them! Naito snatches the NEVER Openweight Championship from Evil, and he tosses it to Hiromu! Hiromu has a good laugh at Evil! Evil starts throwing chairs into the ring! Hiromu thanks Evil for giving him a chair to sit in! Hiromu sets another seat and invites Evil to join him! Evil throws the blue buckle pad and Hiromu also says thanks, this will save time putting it back on the corner. But Evil still isn’t getting in the ring, and he leaves with the HOT Boys. Naito joins Hiromu in the ring, but has him get out of the chair.

Hiromu says no, that was his seat. The seat of a champion! Hiromu vows to be NEVER Openweight Champion, this Saturday on NJPW World, for a happy ending! “BAI BAI!” Timebomb and King of Darkness clash once more on the Hyper Battle finale, will this become Hiromu-chan World?

Kazuchika Okada & Toru Yano VS Dangerous Tekkers!

The Rainmaker and the Producer take on the Submission Master and Holy Emperor! Kazuchika Okada and Zack Sabre Jr. are set to collide at the end of this series, but who gets a crucial win here?

ZSJ shows off the New Japan Cup and Okada takes a good, long look at it. Jackets are put aside and Taichi shows off the dancing pecs. Yano gets impatient with the check, and then teams sort out. Fans rally up as we get Okada and ZSJ to start, in a preview of the Hyper Battle finale! “O-KA-DA!” “Z S J!” stare down then circle. ZSJ stays low but Okada stays back. ZSJ stands up and they feel out knuckle locks. They clinch, ZSJ gets around to a waistlock, and then goes for the arms. Okada moves around, switches with ZSJ, but ZSJ switches back. ZSJ half nelsons, floats to the facelock, but Okada powers him to ropes.

Red Shoes calls for the ropebreak but ZSJ turns things around. ZSJ goes for a leg, but then he lets off. Fans applaud the sportsmanship in the exchange, and the two circle again. They feel out another knuckle lock, ZSJ bridges to wrench and wristlock. ZSJ wrangles Okada down, then bends the fingers as he wristlocks. Okada rolls, trips ZSJ to a toehold, but ZSJ fights back with a chinbar. Okada moves around, goes to a standing toehold, but ZSJ endures. ZSJ turns over, reels Okada in and hits a headlock takeover! Okada headscissors, ZSJ kips free, he goes for legs but ends up putting Okada in a corner. Okada turns it around and Red Shoes calls the break.

Okada slowly lets off, but he and ZSJ are forehead to forehead before Okada backs off. Fans applaud this newest exchange as the two cool off. Okada steps forward but ZSJ tags out to Taichi. Yano wants in, so Okada tags him! Fans rally now that “Y T R!” and “TA-I-CHI!” face off in a preview of their coming KOPW 2022 showdown. Yano even crouches in the middle of the ring as he waits on Taichi. Yano wants a sumo square-off? Fans rally harder for that, so Taichi squares up with Yano in a crouch. Taichi claps his hands together, then the two stand. Fans rally for the sumo, but then Yano SLAPS Taichi!

Taichi swings but misses, Yano CHOKES Taichi! Yano gives Taichi a taste of his own medicine, and lets off as Red Shoes counts 4. Then Yano goes to the corner to untie the buckle pad! And then he goes to the opposite corner to do the same! The neutral corners are bare, Taichi runs in and gets steel! Fans rally with Yano and he goes to undo a crossbar? But Taichi CHOKES Yano and shoves him off the apron! ZSJ goes after Okada, Taichi whips Yano into railing! ZSJ gives Okada the standing toehold treatment, and Taichi drags Yano up to choke with the mic cord! Red Shoes reprimands and Taichi lets off with the count.

ZSJ also lets off of Okada, and the Dangerous Tekkers get Yano in the ring. Taichi drags Yano up, whips him into the steel! Yano falls, suffering from his own cleverness! Taichi then gets Yano back up, bumps him off the blue buckle pad, and the Tekkers dig their boots in! Red Shoes counts, the Tekkers let off, and fans rally up. ZSJ tags in, Taichi stands on Yano’s head, then ZSJ stands on Yano’s back! Red Shoes reprimands and counts, the Tekkers step off, and ZSU pulls Yano’s ears! ZSJ puts on a headscissor neck lock, but Yano gets the ROPEBREAK! Red Shoes counts, ZSJ holds until 4, and tags Taichi back in.

Taichi stares Okada down, but drags Yano back up to snapmare and KICK! Then he CHOKES Yano! Red Shoes sees that and reprimands. Taichi lets off, chokes again, but Red Shoes still knows it. Taichi says that’s not a choke, THIS is a choke! Red Shoes counts, Taichi lets off at 4. Taichi paces around Yano as the fans rally, but then Yano chokes Taichi! Taichi chokes Yano! Taichi’s choke is stronger and he puts Yano on ropes. Taichi then whips, but Yano reverses to atomic drop! Fans rally up more as Yano hot tags Okada! Okada fires forearms on Taichi, whips, but Taichi reverses. Okada CLOBBERS Taichi with an elbow, then DECKS ZSJ!

Okada dodges Taichi to kick low and DDT! Cover, TWO! Okada gets the legs, he figure fours the legs, but for a seated hold! Taichi endures this modified cloverleaf, and he even grabs at Okada’s hair. Okada cranks the leg lock, but Taichi crawls around to the ROPEBREAK! Okada lets go and fans rally up again. Okada waits on Taichi to stand, then Alabama lifts. Taichi holds that off, and he gives Okada some Kowata Kicks! Okada fires forearms back! Taichi wrenches to DANGEROUS HOOK KICK! Both men are down and fans fire up again! Taichi crawls, hot tag to ZSJ! ZSJ gets Okada for a NECK TWIST!

Okada sits up slowly, ZSJ spins him around and cravats for a neck wrench. ZSJ even hooks a leg to keep Okada from going around. Okada endures, he pries free and snapmares, but ZSJ holds on! ZSJ then reels Okada into a cobra twist! Okada endures, fights around to put ZSJ in the cobra twist! ZSJ slips free to put it back on Okada! Fans rally as Okada endures again, and he pries free to hip toss ZSJ away! Okada forearms ZSJ, but ZSJ forearms back! Okada forearms again, but ZSJ forearms back again. Okada fires off many forearms but ZSJ EuroUppers then PELES! Okada ends up in a corner, ZSJ runs in but Okada pops him up!

But ZSJ turns Alabama into an IRON OCTOPUS! Okada endures and fans rally up! Okada powers through to a REVERSE NECKBREAKER! Fans rally up while both men are down! Okada and ZSJ crawl, hot tags to Yano and Taichi! Yano dodges the boot, ROCKS Taichi but Taichi KICKS! Yano forearms, Taichi kicks, repeat! They go faster and faster and fans rally up! Yano ROCKS Taichi, fires off more shots, but Taichi sobats hard! Fans fire up and Taichi aims, but Yano ducks the buzzsaw! Yano PANTSES Taichi! Roll up, TWO!! Taichi gets around to waistlock Yano, but Yano waistlocks Red Shoes!

Taichi tries but can’t lift them both! Yano lets go of Red Shoes to switch with Taichi! But now Taichi grabs Red Shoes! Yano can’t lift them both, and Yano CLUBS Taichi! Yano runs, but Taichi moves and Yano TACKLES Red Shoes! Yano freaks out, YOKOZUNA ELBOW from Taichi!! Fans are thunderous as Taichi sees everyone is down. Taichi goes and he undoes the crossbar. Okada runs in but gets bare buckles, then a GAMANGIRI! Taichi asks the fans if they wanna see it, and they rally up! Taihci goes out and has the timekeeper and ring announcer leave their table to go to ringside? The same for the ring crew?

Taichi gets Yano’s red chair out of the way, and he wants everyone to help him undo the ropes! They start removing the crossbar covers, and unscrewing the turnbuckles! Fans are thunderous as the wrestling ring slowly transforms! Okada WRECKS ZSJ into railing, but then Taichi bumps him off bare buckles! Okada flops back out, and the removal of ring ropes continues! The top rope is gone, then the middle, then the bottom! No more ropes! This is now a SUMO RING! Fans are still thunderous as Taichi tells the replacement ref, Marty Asami, to just do it! Yano gets up, and Taichi goes to throw Yano way off!

Yano fights the throw off by grabbing Taichi’s waistband! Yano wants to fireman’s carry throw Taichi off but Taichi fights his way to a sumo clinch! They’re pulling at each other’s waistbands, and getting classic sumo wedgies! Yano throws Taichi down on the mat! But Taichi gets up for a SUMO HIP TOSS! Fans fire up again and Taichi runs in, but Yano POSTS him! ZSJ tags in, as that’s still allowed, and he “steps through” invisible ropes. Fans cheer and ZSJ goes after Yano, but Yano rolls him up! TWO!! ZSJ runs in, gets around, but Yano switches to roll up, TWO!! TRIANGLE HOLD! But Okada attacks ZSJ!

ZSJ eggs Okada on, he’s still got Yano! Okada drops more elbows and ZSJ lets Yano free. But ZSJ turns Okada’s gut wrench into an IRON COTPOUS! But Okada powers out to gut wrench, only for ZSJ to slip off and scoop! ZACK DRIVER!! ZSJ just planted the world champion! But Yano sneaks up behind, only for ZSJ to block the low blow! ARM TWIST! Then ZSJ gets Yano’s one arm hammerlocked and pulls on the other, BLOODY JOKER! Yano can’t ropebreak cuz there’s no ropes!! Yano verbally taps, Tekkers win!

Winners: Dangerous Tekkers, by submission

The New Japan Cup winner just made Mr. KOPW 2022 quit! And he snatches the world title along with his cup. ZSJ sets the belt down on top of Okada and then mockingly pats him on the head. Taichi holds Yano’s KOPW trophy over him, will it soon belong to the Holy Emperor?

After Okada and Yano get out of the ring, ZSJ gets the mic. “Oi, where’s the champion? Okada. <Is here here?> Okada, I know you’re tired, and you’ve been at the top for a very, very long time. Very long time. Okada, <are you tired? Are you?> The Rainmaker’s time at the top… is done. Okada, for the last four years, every day, I thought about the fact that I won the New Japan Cup four years ago and couldn’t beat you for the title. <That was four years ago? Are we in the same situation? I don’t think so.>” ZSJ says Okada is the same wrestler he was four years ago, but ZSJ is not. ZSJ has grown, Okada has not. Okada’s tired, ZSJ is not.

ZSJ is sick of the rain. ZSJ is British, it rains all the bloody time over there. The Rainmaker is finished. Okada got lucky, because today it was just the Zack Driver. In Ryogoku, Okada will tap out. ZSJ has said before, “Strong Style is dead.” ZSJ says that was wrong. Strong Style isn’t dead, ZSJ IS Strong Style! New Tekkers, new Strong Style! “And on the subject of tekkers of the dangerous variety, we told you we were more than a tag team. We are a team. We can reach the top together.” Handsome hunk Taichi will be the next Mr. KOPW 2022, and ZSJ will be the next IWGP World Heavyweight Champion.

ZSJ asks Taichi, “<How about it?>” He hands the mic over, and Taichi says, “<I agree with all of that.>” Taichi then takes a look around and says, “<This is what a no-ropes match looks like. You have an unobstructed view of us, and you can see how cool we really are! We’ll do it right on April 9th. Get hyped for it. We are Dangerous Tekkers, the best tag team in the world. And in Ryogoku, we’ll show you that we’re the best singles wrestlers, too. Together, we’ll be a double champion! Zack, how does that sound?>” ZSJ is given the mic back, and he says, “<Dangerous Tekkers are the strongest!>” Will ZSJ & Taichi hold the biggest prizes in NJPW at the end of Hyper Battle 2022?

My Thoughts:

This wasn’t the real start to this series, but the April 3rd event wasn’t on NJPW World. But I suppose that’s fine, it was WrestleMania Sunday and I would not have been able to fit in anything else. But this was a great first event to give the world, with quite some interesting developments even in the matches I ended up skipping. Namely, it was Gedo stepping down and having Fale pull double duty. Sadly, NJPW’s YouTube channel doesn’t have English subs and they didn’t update their main site as to why, but I can only think Gedo got hurt during all these other tune-ups and so he just had to back out. But in the end, Bullet Club keeps on winning, it’s only a matter of time before the tide turns in favor of Jado and his allies.

Sho apparently snatched away Desperado’s mask and then the United Empire took Goto’s and Hashi’s staffs, all building heat going into their various title matches. I’m not sure Sho wins, but there’s a good chance Great-O-Khan and Jeff Cobb beat Goto-Hashi. We got a very good tag match out of LIJ VS Evil & Yujiro, and naturally LIJ wins as Hiromu is coming for that NEVER Openweight title. Hiromu VS Evil could go either way, and could very well end up overbooked because that’s how House of Torture rolls, but it’ll be pretty good stuff.

And we got an awesome main event out of Okada & Yano VS Tekkers. I did not expect them to deconstruct the ropes, so that was a great bit. Tekkers win to get lots of momentum, but I still don’t feel Okada is losing. Yano losing, yeah, that can happen so that Yano has to really fight his way back to being Mr. KOPW like I was expecting with Minoru Suzuki.

My Score: 8.5/10