Andrew’s IMPACT #1000 Results & Match Ratings: 9.14.2023

With the very first episode of IMPACT! posted earlier, it’s time we get to one of the main attractions of the year for Impact Wrestling! The 1000th episode of their flagship show, we get a return of Feast or Fired, Team 3D will be doing something, and Traci Brooks will be in action for the first time since 2012 (2011 for TNA/Impact).

They have to have other things planned, and it should be fun to see who shows up for the celebration. We know it won’t be AJ Styles or Petey Williams or Abyss, but you never know if there will be a wink to someone or something from the 20+ years of TNA/Impact action. Maybe Hermie Sadler returns? Pacman Jones? DeAngelo Williams?

Only one way to find out!

Ratings:

• FEAST or FIRED: Crazzy Steve case 1 – Moose case 2 – Chris Bey case 3 and Yuya Uemura case 4 – ***
• Team 3D vs Desi Hit Squad: Team 3D wins via Dudley Death Dorp – ** 1/2
• Eddie & Alisha Edwards vs Frankie Kazarian & Traci Brooks: Traci wins via Fade to Black – ** 3/4
• X Division Championship: Lio Rush (c) vs Chris Sabin: Sabin wins via Cradle Shock – *** 3/4 – TITLE CHANGE!!!

Results:

They do a modified classic intro with a combination of the new roster and classic highlights. Scott D’Amore kicks things off in the ring. Nice symmetry with D’Amore starting off episode 1 and 1000. Gail Kim gets a nice intro and as I’ve said, she is the only North American women’s wrestler in my personal Top 5  for female wrestlers. People don’t give Gail enough credit. 

They do a little Knockouts highlights reel, Beautiful People, Ms, Jackie, Christy Hemme, ODB, the new roster as well, but its nice to see the classics,  including a little highlight for Daffney. Beautiful People music hits! Velvel and Angelina come out and Rehwoldt echoes what Don West used to say about the entrance. Angelina and Velvel cut a classic BP promo calling people ugly or all before pictures. Gisele Shaw’s music hits along with the SHAWntourage, and we know she’s not here to backup Gail. The new mean girl gets to butter up the classic mean girls. Gisele thinks she’s improved on the BP schtick and that’s where she loses Love and Velvel. Velvel asks “who’s so great from your generation” and Jordynne Grace’s music kicks in. 

Jordynne with the classic face stuff, talking about the greats from the BP generation of Tara, ODB, Traci and Gail Kim. And then runs down annoying vapid bitches, and Deonna answers that call. Deonna does get a babyface pop though, so not sure what position she’s playing in this opening promo. Trinity decides to show up once championships are mentioned. She’s got a cute fringe leather jacket over her usual gear, and the fringe is glow in the dark, which is kinda cool…can’t hate on it. After a little bit of chirping, AWSOME KONG’S MUSIC HITS and she has Raisha Saeed! Raisha does her classic “who will challenge” manager line and Tasha Steelz music hits. I was kinda curious where she’s been when she sorta came back a few months ago. 

Tasha wants a piece of Kong apparently and Mickie’s music hits after Tasha does her “Greatest that beat the Greatest” spiel. So we’re gonna get some 5v5 Knockout generations battle. Mickie, Trinity, Kong, Jordynne and Gail vs Gisele, Savannah, Tasha, Deonna and one of the Beautiful People next week!

.@SharkBoy24_7 has been appointed Deputy Director of Authority by @milanmiracle. #IMPACT1000 @AMWwildcat @JamesStormBrand @TheEricYoung pic.twitter.com/kWAph9XQuQ

— IMPACT (@IMPACTWRESTLING) September 15, 2023

FEAST or FIRED

Tons of people in this match, not everyone got an intro so consider this more like a Battle Royal. I’ll just call a few spots and who get briefcases. Kevin Knight and Kushida take out Brian Myers, but Laredo Kid and Black Taurus cut off the NJPW tag team from getting any briefcases. Taurus and Laredo turn on each other, Laredo with a Poison Rana, then they try to go up the ropes, but John Skyler throws the luchadors to the floor, Chris Bey tries to slow down Skyler. Bey crotches Skyler and then grabs the number 3 brief case. jump over a few people and he walks off with his spoils. Maclin getting ganged up on, Gresham and Gujjar are in the ring looking for  an opening to grab a brief case. Laredo cuts off Gujjar, Jai Vidal also shows up, Kevin Knight and Kushida start a Tower of Doom, Sami Callihan and Heath consider not playing into it, but say screw it and pull off the Tower spot. Sami and Heath trade blows, Crazzy Steve claws both men’s faces, go up the ropes and grabs case number 1, but now he has to land with it. Crazzy Steve pulls out a fork from his boot, stabs Brian Myers in the stomach, and Moose just lets Steve walk by. Smart move by Moose.

Moose tries for a case, Maclin hits the Crosshairs and a KIA, but Gresham stops Maclin. Gujjar takes out Gresham and then Jai Vidal pulls Gujjar into the corner with his legs and gets a little close to throw off Gujjar, SLAY-More Kick from Vidal…but Alpha Bravo and Swinger stop Vidal’s offense. Skyler Slingshot Spear, Skyler tries to fight them off, but Kushida gives Knight the assisted Springboard Crossbody. PCO eats the two junior heavyweights until Black Taurus Spinebusters PCO. Taurus looks for a Powerbomb but Laredo turns it into a Canadian Destoryer. JOYA hits the One Hit Wonder on Laredo and Hendry tries to protect Yuya. Hendry and Yuya play monkey in the middle with Sami Callihan, and steal away with case number 4!

PCO and Maclin doing the heavy shots, people decide to run into PCO  one at a time, but Jai Vidal tries to seduce PCO. PCO lets the kid try, but then Chokeslams him (Jai prolly liked it). Sami with an Iconoclasm from the corner to the apron onto the floor for PCO. Kushida and Knight work together to Avalanche Frankensteiner Taurus from the corner. Maclin sabotages Knight, HEATH slows down Maclin. Scoop Powerslam from Heath gives him a small opening, him and Maclin fight on the rope, Maclin picks the legs, tries his own luck and grabs case 2 and uses it as a weapon, but has to get to the floor. Slowly being surrounded, Maclin has to find a way. RHYNO shows up, GORE for Maclin and Moose scoops case 2 after it goes flying post Gore! Gore! Gore!

Rohit Raju is back! Champagne Singh may suck, but Rohit is the fantastic. He says name a tag team that has done more than the Desi Hit Squad…Team 3D music hits. 

Team 3D vs Desi Hit Squad

Bully and Singh start, Bully calls for a Devon chant and he comes in with the simple Double Axe Handle Armbreaker tandem move. Desi Hit Squad tries the Double Lariat, and Devon says no. Assisted Back Body Drop, Ray gets thrown from the top rope by Singh and the Hit Squad are starting to put together something. I’m a big fan of the Mocha Skinned Manimal, but you knew as soon as he got a little cocky…yup Spear from Ray. Simultaneous tags, Devon rocks Singh, Diving Shoulder Tackle, Neck Breaker, Pop-Up Single Hand Spinebuster for a near fall.

Scoop Slam from Bully on Rohit, WAZZZZUPPP!!! DEVON! 1-2-3 GET THE TABLES! The referee is letting it happen, and its nice he can read the room. Fling the Singh into a 3D, and the Dudley Death Drop picks up another win. But the table is still standing. So time to put him through a table…Bubba Bomb from the top rope style.

Josh Alexander has a small interaction with the Rascalz in the back, he’s goading them while they’re just being stoned sloppy assholes eating pizza and being somewhat rude. Commercial break hits and Josh is walking out to speak. 

Josh’s promo sounds far too similar to what he said when him and Alex Shelley faced each other at Emergence 2022. So I’m a little tired of Josh’s “I’ve been a fan for 15 years” or whatever. Shelley comes out taking offense to Josh’s terminology about still calling it his title since he “never lost it”. Alex Shelley plays up the heel side hard here, with the “You’re Welcome for having a place to have a job”, Josh tries to say he’s been his fan, Alex Shelley asks fan or Mark? Okay, Shelley says he’s the main character and Josh is the side quest, and honestly that popped me. 

The Rascalz hit the ring and attack both Shelley and Alexander, they throw Shelley into the ropes, he stops himself, Josh clocks both Rascalz and Shelley walks away. So The Rascalz double team Alexander as Shelley just walks off slowly. 

There is absolutely no reason to lie @ZacharyWentz. #IMPACT1000 @TheTreyMiguel @SharkBoy24_7 pic.twitter.com/cnGFc5JHVv

— IMPACT (@IMPACTWRESTLING) September 15, 2023

Eddie & Alisha Edwards vs Frankie Kazarian & Traci Brooks

Traci coming out in her Ms. Brooks gimmick and still looks pretty good. Alisha and Eddie start talking shit to Kaz and Traci’s son who’s in the crowd; that’s good heel work.

Slap from Traci, ragdoll Cat Fight style wrestling as Frankie goes after Eddie and this just spills out into more tornado style. Eventually the Edwards get the upper hand and Lish starts paint brushing Traci and pushing her around. Lish tags in Eddie and goes after Traci, but Traci slaps him and crawls through his legs to tag Frankie. Lish kicks Kaz while he’s rope running which distracts him enough to run into a Blue Thunder Bomb. Commercial happens and we’re back with Lish smacking Frankie. Frankie is about to snap but she runs back to tag in Eddie real fast

Eddie taking a methodical pace, but Frankie floats over and turns it into a Back Stabber to maybe find some space. But Lish pulls Traci off the apron and Frankie is grabbed by Eddie. Lish hits a Tornado DDT on from the apron to the floor on Kaz. Celebratory kiss from the Edwards, and Eddie throws Kaz back in. Kaz hits a few chops but Eddie fires back with a big Lariat and then chokes Kaz with the middle rope and Lish gets involved as well. Kaz has been eating offense from everyone, which makes sense since, well, Traci was never known for wrestling. Lish tags in, Kaz moves so Eddie catches Lish, tries to Victory Roll Eddie but is told he’s not legal. Lish runs at him, Kaz calls her a “stupid bitch” hits the Northern Lights combo for a near fall. Traci gets tagged in, starts rocking Alisha, but Eddie gets involved, tries to Backpack Stunner her, but she claws his face and hits an Avalanche X Factor while Kaz hits a Running Knee Lift into Eddie’s face. Fade to Black from Traci to win!

After the win, Frankie says they have more and points to the screen. Traci Brooks is also going into the Impact Hall of Fame this year! She looks genuinely surprised and gets “you deserve it” chants from the crowd. So a very nice moment and their son is in the ring with them. So a nice moment. 

X Division Championship: Lio Rush (c) vs Chris Sabin

Boo, I wanted Sabin to come out to his old “HAIL SABIN” music instead of the generic one. Also still a little annoyed I’m enjoying this new version of Lio Rush, but hey, people eventually smarten up and it looks like he finally figured it out.

Lio still uses his slippery speed early to mess with Sabin and just out quick the X Division Icon. Oki-doke along the ropes, Sabin eats another Handspring and Suicide Dive as complete Deja Vu for the Slammiversary sneak attack. So Final Hour attempt, eerie shades, but the official isn’t getting out of the way. Lio gets annoyed, goes for Sabin, Small Package near fall, Cradle Shock gets slipped and a few quick flash moves and cradle attempts from Sabin. Sabin played possum like a pro.

Corner 10 Count Punches, stop at 9, and goes for a big Wind-Up Chop for 10. Lio tries to retreat to the ropes, but Sabin pulls him back into the center, feigns a crotch shot but turns it into the classic Liger Surfboard. Lio puts the breaks on the Irish Whip, Springboard Frankensteiner gives Lio some life. Rush tries to tie up Sabin in a Sleeper but Sabin keeps fighting through. Drive to the corner, but Lio fires back with a Lariat into a Side Suplex for 2. Grounded Sleeper with the Body Scissors from Rush, and Sabin is back to gasping for air. Jaw Jacker makes some space as Sabin tries to remember how to breathe.

Sabin pops Rush and then connects with a Missile Dropkick sending Lio reeling. Cradle Shock attempt but Rush claws the eyes and keeps his fingers there until the referee starts to count. Asai Moonsault from Rush and Sabin is still dazed. Rush resets the 10 count instead because he’s trying to make a statement, Snap Suplex onto the ramp and Rush is selling a bit as well. Rush ain’t sitting pretty, but that’s probably also fueling his desire to make an example of Sabin.

Lio goes for Cradle Shock, but Sabin slips and doesn’t take the insult, but a counter slip into the Sweeping Spin Kick of Lio for 2! Rush to the top rope but Sabin grabs him to stop him. Fighting back and forth, Sabin with the Superplex as both guys play dead for a few seconds. Stacked Powerbomb from Sabin when Lio ducked to early, but only 2! YAKUZA KICK from Sabin! Cradle Shock…nope slipped, Super Kick, slide through the legs transition into the STF. Lio starts struggling, Sabin picks him up for the Die Hard Driver. Clothesline from Hell,Michigan, Cradle Shock – KICK OUT! Avalanche Cradle Shock attempt, but Lio fights off, claws the face again, FINAL HOUR! But Lio can’t cover right away and Sabin kicks at 2!

You can see Lio is annoyed so he just started peppering forearms, but Sabin fires and returns punches in kind. Lio with his quick hit combination, Tanaka Punch, into Shell Shock into Cradle Shock! 10 TIME CHAMPION! CHRIS SABIN! With the power of all his friends!

Overall Score: 7.5/10

Admittedly, a lot of talking. So if you aren’t an invested fan, I can see some of this show feeling slow. But they definitely did right by the history, the lineage and the originals still on the roster. Awesome Kong and Gail Kim in action next week with the Beautiful People and even Raisha Saeed being back! Rhino returns. America’s Most Wanted sighting! Chris Sabin main evented episode 1 and 1000. But the different here is he actually won.

So that’s a fun game I guess, Kaz, Eric Young, Shark Boy, Scott D’Amore, AMW and Chris Sabin are the people who were on episode 1 and 1000.

Traci getting the surprise induction package as well was a nice way to cap her career. Team 3D running it back 1 more time was great. Next week we will find out who got what briefcase. Unless they change the gimmick, it used to be; World Title Shot, X Division Title Shot, Tag Team Title Shot and a pink slip. I would like the results to be:

1. Crazzy Steve – X Division
2. Moose – World Heavyweight
3. Yuya – Tag Team
4. Chris Bey – Fired

Not because I dislike Bey, quite the opposite. But it would be an easy way to let him go in case there’s contract issues or he has chances in other companies. Because they just named JOYA a few weeks ago, I think Moose signed a decent extension and Steve just had all those promos to get over his new motivation…so Bey is the only one who seems to be treading water a little.

We’ll find out though, but all in all, it was a good celebration of 1000 episodes of IMPACT!