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Mitchell’s WWE SmackDown Live Report! (8/28/18)

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The Queen and the Princess battle 1v1 in Carmella’s rematch for the SmackDown Women’s Championship! Plus, a new tag team title contender tournament begins!

 

OFFICIAL RESULTS

  • SmackDown Tag Team Championship #1 Contender’s Tournament Triple Threat: The Bar VS The Club VS The Colons; The Bar wins and advance to the next round.
  • Naomi VS Billie Kay w/ Peyton Royce; Billie wins.
  • Andrade “Cien” Almas w/ Zelina Vega VS Daniel Bryan w/ Brie Bella; Bryan wins, by disqualification.
  • SmackDown Women’s Championship: Charlotte Flair VS Carmella; Charlotte wins and retains the SmackDown Women’s Championship.

PLAY BY PLAY

Awww~, Toronto~!

Don’t be sour, clap for the FIVE-time champs and FEEL~! The POWER~! Yes, the NEW Smackdown Tag Team Champions have a Stanley Cup of Pancakes to celebrate this momentous occasion. They won after an instant classic No Disqualification Tag Team match against the Bludgeon Brothers, Harper & Rowan. And with Toronto giving them a standing ovation, Xavier Woods and “ya boys” have some words to say. They did what they do best and became W, W, E, World, Tag, Team, CHAMPIONS~! Harper & Rowan are ferocious no doubt, but The New Day put them out like a light (like a light!) and there’s no place they’d rather celebrate than in Toronto! Big E has waited to finally do this. They are not just one-time, two-time, three-time or four-time, they are– Wait, is that…? It’s KING BOOKAH!!

Yes, the Five-Time WCW World Heavyweight Champion honors us with his presence! Booker T heads to the ring, and The New Day is speechless with excitement. “Hear ye, hear ye,” King Bookah, Ruler of SmackDown, is here. Doth our eyes deceive us? Is it he, the WWE Hall of Fame Master of the Spinarooni?! The New Day kneel before their king, and Booker has a royal decree that he is proud to give in front of Toronto and the WWE Universe. Booker grants Lord Xavier the Wise, Sir Kofi the Brave, and… Big E, access to the most royal club of them all!

Wait, wait, where is Big E’s regal title? Umm… Well he already has it. It’s “Big”! But King, you just went Full Saxton! You did not just say that. Be on your knees and kiss his feet. There is only one man in the five-time five-time etc. club. “Until now.” Welcome to the Five Timers of All Time Club! Now Can You Dig that, SUCKAAAA!?!? The New Day help Booker T with his royal scepter, cape and crown because he’s about to give us… The SPINAROONI! Xavier hits one, too! So does Kofi! But wait, let’s see if Big E can do it. Big E is given space, gets on his knee, but only flops and flails. The New Day help him spin through it. All Hail King Bookah! All Hail The New Day!

But The New Day aren’t done out here, because they get their own commentary table! They’ll want to watch this very important tag team match that’s coming up next!

 

SmackDown Tag Team Championship #1 Contender’s Tournament Triple Threat: The Bar VS The Club VS The Colons!

While The New Day took the titles from The Bludgeon Brothers, Harper & Rowan are in no shape for an immediate rematch. Therefore, GM Paige decided on a massive tag team tournament, as inspired by Cesaro & Sheamus accepting the challenge from Luke Gallows & Karl Anderson. However, she added Primo & Epico to the mix, which duo will move on towards becoming the new challengers to the newly crowned Five-Time Tag Champs?

SmackDown returns with all three teams in the ring and sorting out who starts. Sheamus and Anderson start, and the Celtic Gladiator gets a headlock takeover. Machine Gun headscissors but Sheamus pops out. Sheamus powers out of a headlock then runs Anderson over. Things speed up and Anderson dropkicks Sheamus’ leg out. Anderson adds another dropkick then covers, TWO. Anderson keeps on Sheamus while the New Day adds their comments. Sheamus tags in Cesaro and Cesaro gives a European Uppercut to Anderson. Anderson reverses the whip but runs into a bout, to give back a back elbow! Cover, TWO, but Anderson wrenches the arm. He tags to Gallows and Gallows kicks Cesaro. Gallows bumps and body shots Cesaro in the corner, the uppercut drops Cesaro off his feet. Gallows suplexes then covers, TWO.

Cesaro is put back in the Club’s corner, and Anderson tags in. The Club mug Cesaro then Anderson gives a EuroUpper. Cesaro gives one back, but Primo tags in. Primo walks into an arm-drag, and Anderson makes it an armlock. Anderson brings Primo up but Primo knees. Primo chops, then whips. Anderson sunset flips but Primo stays up to tag Epico. The Colons double kick then cover, TWO. Epico argues with the ref while he drags Anderson up. Epico gives Anderson punches and elbows, then tries to suplex. Anderson reverses to a cradle, TWO. Anderson runs Epico over then whips, but Epico reverses. Epico misses in the corner and gets the jump kick! Abs Anderson hops up but Primo distracts. Epico shoves Anderson down, then tags Primo.

Primo runs Anderson over on the outside, then grins while we go picture in picture. He stomps away on Anderson, then puts him in the ring. Primo slingshot sentons then dropkicks Anderson down. He drags Anderson into body scissors and a cobra clutch. Anderson endures as Primo shifts to just the cobra clutch, but fans rally up. Anderson gets up and reaches, but Epico tags in. Epico kicks Anderson down, then drives punches into the ear and cheek of Anderson. Gallows protests but the ref keeps him bakc. Epico drags Anderson up, and then holds Anderson up for the suplex, maybe even a brainbuster. Cover, TWO, and the Colons are frustrated. Epico keeps on Anderson, but Sheamus tags in! Sheamus gets Epico to go back to his corner, then kicks Anderson. Tag to Cesaro for Super Saiyan Kicks. Cover, TWO!

Cesaro grinds Anderson down with a chinlock. Fans rally up again and Anderson endures. They stand up, and Anderson back suplexes Cesaro down! Both men crawl for any corner, so Primo tags in via Cesaro. Cesaro reluctantly returns to The Bar’s corner while Primo throws hands. Anderson counters and rocks Primo with forearms. Anderson backs Primo up, but is given a quick takedown slam. Primo drags Anderson to a cover, TWO. He puts Anderson on the ropes, runs, and misses the colon rope attack! Cesaro tags in but Primo shoves him. Epico and Sheamus come in and the four start brawling! The Bar throw the Colons out, then Cesaro hits Gallows Anderson ducks and goes for a tag but Gallows ins’t there. Sheamus tags in and then tackles Anderson. Cesaro climbs up, elbow drop bakcbreaker! Cover, TWO!

The New Day like what they see, but can tell Anderson is in both good shape and rough shape as Sheamus lifts Anderson. Sheamus uses the Canadian backbreaker rack to bend Anderson. Anderosn slips out to give Sheamus a neckbreaker! Both men crawl as fans rally up. Hot tags to Cesaro and Gallows! Big Doc Gallows rallies on Cesaro and then hits a corner splash! He roundhouses Cesaro off his feet! Gallows boots Epico, too, then brings Cesaro up for the pumphandle slam! Gallows runs, for the big splash! Cover, TWO! Gallows runs at Cesaro but gets boots. Primo tags in, takes Cesaro up, but leaps into a YAKUZA Kick! Cover, Sheamus breaks it! Anderson gives Sheamus a Spienbuster! Gallows and Anderson give Cesaro the back suplex neckbreaker! The Club fires up, as does Toronto!

The Club grabs Primo, but Epico backstabs Anderson! Gallows misses Epico and hits Sheamus. Cesaro tags from Primo just as The Colons hit a DOUBLE Backstabber! Cesaro uppercuts Epico while Sheamus BROGUES Primo! Cover on Gallows, The Bar WINS!

Winners: The Bar, Sheamus pinning; advance to the next round

The New Day is pumped up, they know one possible challenger for their titles. Will The Bar get through whoever meets them next time? Tensions mount already between them and The New Day!

 

Paige brings in Team Rusev Day.

Rusev & Aiden English, along with Lana, are all on the same page these days. They want in the tag title scene, and Paige agrees. Therefore, Rusev & English VS The Usos VS SAnitY, winners move on to face The Bar for the #1 contender’s match. Wow! What a great present for Rusev & Lana Day! Mr. Machka thanks his wife, but it wasn’t even Lana who asked for this. It was his best buddy, English! Save the celebration for later, it’s time to focus and win on Rusev Daaaay~!

 

Jeff Hardy heads to the ring!

The Charismatic Enigma got a modicum of revenge on The Viper last week as the two went out and around the arena. Randy Orton wants to erase Hardy’s identity, but Hardy has words for the Legend Killer. “Since returning to SmackDown Live, Randy Orton has had this strange obsession with me.” Orton has beaten his body and gotten in his head. In fact, Orton made Hardy believe he could fly, which is why last week, he used his Swanton Bomb off the upper level! Orton make think Hardy is a stepping stone, but he’s wrong. Hardy felt alive after what he did! He felt like the Jeff Hardy of old, Re-broken by fate! “And this is just the beginning.” Orton must hear Hardy’s words, so let Hardy finish what Orton started!

Randy Orton appears! He stares at Hardy from the stage. The high-flying Hardy reborn, congratulations. And Orton appreciates being given credit for that. But the truth is, Orton isn’t finished working on Hardy. This version of Jeff Hardy that everyone adores will be what Orton takes away. This is the career he’s looking to end with broken bones in the middle of the ring. Orton approaches the ring and Hardy is ready for a fight, but Orton isn’t getting in on Hardy’s terms. Hardy isn’t as dumb as these Canadians. But Orton leaves them with this: Apex Predator, Viper, Legend Killer, those don’t matter compared to the three most destructive letters ever. R, K–

NO!! Orton is going to Hell and Hardy’s taking him there, with Hell in a Cell! Hardy mocks Orton’s signature pose, but what does Orton say to that challenge? He simply drops the mic. Is that a yes? And if so, will Orton get exactly what he wants inside that sinister steel structure? Or will Jeff Hardy render The Viper OBSOLETE?

 

Backstage interview with Carmella.

The FABULOUS Princess prepares for her title rematch, but is she worried about Becky’s buzz? The buzz is with the title, and that means Carmella was the hottest woman for the last four months. She brought attention to the Women’s Division, not Becky or Charlotte. Charlotte didn’t pin Crmella while Carmella’s beaten Charlotte twice. Carmella promises a third, and then the BFF’s can have their Best Friend Fight somewhere else. Those two are chump change but #MellaIsMoney. She leaves, but R-Truth is on the hunt? Tye Dillinger comes by and tries to talk reason into him. Let Carmella have her match. Right, the timing. Soon enough, the Truth shall set her free! The Perfect 10 sighs for his own burden. But will Carmella really defeat Charlotte a third time?

 

Naomi VS Billie Kay w/ Peyton Royce!

The IIconics are 1-0 against #FeelTheGlow, and are going for the sweep. Will Naomi turn things around? Or will Billie prove #TheFutureIsIIconic?

The IIconics share a secret: Billie is clairvoyant. No one here knows what that means. Oh right. That means Billie sees the future. She predicted Peyton would win last week, and she did! What does Billie see now? Toronto Raptors have a dismal season. And Naomi having nightmares over losing again. She’s frozen with fear! No, that’s just how she always looks. Fans retaliate with “Let’s go Raptors!” chants, but wait, Peyton sees the future! The Future is IIconic! The bell rings and we begin!

Naomi dropkicks then leg drops! TWO, and Billie grabs Naomi’s hair. Naomi drags Billie all the way around, some hair comes out, and Billie kicks Naomi down. Billie rains rights then covers, TWO. She argues with the ref, but then taunts Lil’ Miss Glow not being IIconic. Naomi jawbreakers then roundhouses Billie for that. Then Naomi rallies with lariats and elbows. She tops it off with a corner buckle bulldog, then hits back with another roundhouse. Naomi brings Billie up but Billie knees low. Billie whips but Naomi reverses, and the IIconcis almost collide. Naomi rolls Billie, TWO, and Naomi is at the ropes. She kicks Billie away, but then as the ref checks on Billie, Peyton kicks Naomi! Roll up, Billie wins!

Winner: Billie Kay, by pinfall

There’s the sweep! The “prediction” comes true, but it wasn’t without an assist. Will Naomi ever turn her luck around? Or are the IIconics headed up and up to bigger and better?

 

Daniel Bryan & Brie Bella head to the ring!

Mr. & Mrs. Yes Movement are ready to give Miz & Mrs. a taste of their own medicine at Hell in a Cell for their Mixed Tag Match, and get a great ovation from Toronto. Last week, Miz & Maryse mocked Bryan’s retirement speech, but it was all an act. Everything is an act for them, like Miz acts like he has the strongest punch in WWE. But Miz is a very poor actor. Because Bryan got Miz to use Maryse as a shield, so that’s when Brie came out to punch him right in the face! Brie knows she doesn’t have to fight Bryan’s battles, but a wife can only take so much before going off.

Brie is sick that Maryse helps Miz win, and they always run their mouths. She wanted Maryse, but it felt so good to hit Miz! Bryan isn’t acting when he says, “it was also really hot.” Brie is a butt-kicking, diaper-changing hot mama! And Maryse can’t hide behind Miz, because–

El Idolo & La Muneca interrupt. Andrade “Cien” Almas & Zelina Vega counter Brie & Bryan by saying it’s an “honor” to be next to two legends. Brie Bella and Andrade Almas. Oh, sorry, Bryan. Zelina formally introduces herself as the breath-taking, deal-making Doll to El Idolo. And since arriving, Almas has successfully put Sin Cara on the shelf, taken AJ Styles to the limit, and even pinned Rusev. Therefore, it’s time for Almas to show he can out-wrestle Bryan. Almas says that Bryan can have his battle with Miz, but the reality star is the one in this ring: Almas! Bryan would love to make this match official right now, but he’s not the SmackDown GM. “If only there was someone in the back” who could make this a match. Well, this is embarrassing, Paige doesn’t show up right away. Oh wait there she is!

The Glampire is out of breath. She had to run from her office to gorilla. But yes, the SmackDown GM is on the scene, and she’s going to give the WWE Universe what we want. Do the fans want Bryan VS Almas? “YES!” In that case, what are we waiting for? Get a ref!

 

Andrade “Cien” Almas w/ Zelina Vega VS Daniel Bryan w/ Brie Bella!

The challenge is accepted, the match is made, but will El Idolo make good on his word to out-wrestle and out-shine The Goat?

SmackDown returns as this first-time-ever match begins. Bryan has the fans on his side as he ties up with Almas. They go around and Bryan brings Almas in for a wristlock takedown. Almas gets up quick for a quick takedown, but Bryan gets loose. They circle again and tie up. Almas gets a headlock, but Bryan powers out. Almas runs Bryan over, then runs. Things speed up and Almas goes Tranquilo. Bryan dropkicks him out of it! Bryan brings Almas back into the ring but Almas tackles him on the return. Almas gives an uppercut and a corner to corner whip. Bryan tries to boot Almas but Almas gives him the draping backbreaker and elbow drop while Miz & Maryse watch. Cover, TWO.

Almas keeps on Bryan with knees and a whip, but Bryan reverses. Almas gets Bryan up in a modified Gory Especial! Byran endures, pops his way up and around to a sunset flip! TWO, and Almas gives Bryan a LOUD chop! Almas puts Bryan in the corner for more chops. Bryan turns it around to chop Almas, but Almas dares him to give more. Bryan obliges, then shifts to kicks. “YES! YES!” with every kick, and then Bryan whips Almas corner to corner. Bryan runs in and hits the dropkick! He keeps going, but gets a big knee from Almas! Almas keeps going, but misses! He crashes and burns while Bryan recovers in the ring.

Vega coaches Almas up but Bryan is on the apron. Bryan hits a flying knee! Vega panics but Toronto echoes “YES! YES!” Bryan puts Almas back in, then climbs up top. Bryan jumps but Almas gets under, to use the boot feint for the back elbow! Cover, TWO! Miz & Maryse continue to watch, and whisper strategy. Maryse & Miz head somewhere while we go picture in picture.

Bryan and Almas slowly get back up, but Almas stomps Bryan first. Almas embraces the heat while he backs off. Vega applauds while Almas brings Bryan back up. Almas suplexes then covers, TWO. Almas rains down rights out of frustration, then mocks the Yes chant. Fans don’t take too kindly to that, but Vega has Almas ignore it. Almas brings Bryan up with an arm wrench, then back down with an armlock. Bryan endures as he gets up, but he gets a knee. Almas whips but Bryan goes up and over to speed up and hit Almas with a leaipng lariat! Bryan fires up while Vega panics. Bryan gives more Yes Kicks! Almas ducks but is sent to the apron. We go single picture as Almas gest teh hanging armbar! He lets go at 4, then covers, TWO!

Brie grows worried for Bryan as Almas climbs up top. Bryan stands and hurries over to dropkick Almas! He then climbs up to join Almas, for a SUPER butterfly suplex! But now Miz & Maryse appear! The Hollywood A-Lister swaggers out, but where did his wife go? Bryan is distracted, Almas pounces, but Bryan DIVES on Miz! Bryan throws hands, but then Almas FLIES onto Bryan! Almas puts Bryan back in, inverted tornado DDT! Cover, TWO!! Bryan isn’t screwed out yet, but “This is Awesome!” Almas positions Bryan while going to the corner. He climbs up, but Bryan boots the moonsault! YES LOCK! Vega distracts but Brie trips her up and knocks her out! But wait, Maryse pushes Brie into a post! Then Miz goes after Bryan!

Winner: Daniel Bryan, by disqualification

The Miz feeds Bryan to Almas’s Idolo Hammerlock DDT! Mr. & Mrs. Awesome get one over on Mr. & Mrs. Yes Movement, with Miz putting a Yes Lock on Bryan while Brie watches. Then Vega gives Brie Cien Knees! Maryse taunts Bryan as she gives Brie a DDT! Bryan crawls to his wife, but then gets a Skull-Crushing Finale! Miz & Maryse are so proud of themselves for this, and celebrate with a kiss. Hell in a Cell will be must-see, but will it be a happy ending for the Hollywood couple?

 

Backstage interview with Charlotte Flair.

The Queen has been on an emotional roller coaster. She gained the title but lost a friend. Becky Lynch thinks she deserves a title. No one deserves something they don’t win. Charlotte couldn’t let Becky win, and wouldn’t have blamed Becky if tables were turned. Becky blames Charlotte for not winning the big one. Charlotte won’t apologize for working hard and busting her ass to win. She won’t let anyone take this away from her, even a former friend. If Becky wants center stage, then maybe after Charlotte runs through Carmella, that’s what Becky will get. What does Charlotte mean by that? Perhaps we’ll see after tonight.

 

AJ Styles heads to the ring!

The Phenomenal WWE Champion has had his troubles with Samoa Joe all month, and after the No DQ finish at Summerslam, there will be a rematch at the Hell in a Cell PPV. Styles promises to end Joe’s harassment, and will speak after the break.

SmackDown returns and Styles has his mic. Styles sees the review footage of what Joe did to him last week, and he’s angry all over again. He calms down to say “It’s official. Samoa Joe VS AJ Styles at Hell in a Cell”, for the WWE Championship. Good work, Joe, really. He’s great with mind games, he has Styles where he wants him. Joe brought Styles’ wife and daughter into this, but isn’t man enough to actually get the title. But why play games? Why not just face Styles like a man? “Because you’re not, Joe. You’re not a man.” Styles vows to end the games right here and now. Styles IS WWE Champion, and makes the rules around here. He doesn’t need to wait, he wants to face Joe NOW! It isn’t’ a threat, this is a demand by the champion to knock Joe’s teeth down his throat!

Styles waits, but Joe laughs on the titantron. “Oh, AJ~!” Joe isn’t going to come out there, just look at Styles proving his point. Styles acts like a hero, but who is there for his kids? Joe isn’t done playing daddy yet, it’s just too much fun. Joe calls someone? “Hello, Wendy.” She knows who this is. How is little Annie? Easy now, Wendy, just listen. Joe will keep a promise Styles never did: Styles is headed home. Are they on for the back-to-school BBQ? Save Joe a plate for next Tuesday. Joe laughs more, which only pisses Styles off! Styles rushes to the back to find Joe, but is this only Joe’s game going to the next level?

 

AJ Styles searches for Samoa Joe.

He runs through the backstage area, but Joe is nowhere to be found. Styles is furious all over again, and almost hits an event staffer. He works to cool off, but will he just seethe all the way to Hell in a Cell?

 

SmackDown Women’s Championship: Charlotte Flair VS Carmella!

Controversies aside, the FABULOUS Princess of Staten Island does have two wins over The Queen of Queen City. Of course, Charlotte got one win back to then earn a spot in the title match at Summerslam, which is how she’s champion again at all. Will Carmella make it 3-1 and get the belt back? Or will Charlotte block her out to then turn her full attention to Straight Fire Becky Lynch?

The introductions are made, the belt is raised, and we begin! Carmella and Charlotte circle and tie up. Carmella gets a waistlock but Charlotte standing switches. Charlotte throws Carmella down, then they stand back up. Carmella fights out of the waistlock to roll Charlotte, TWO. Fans chant “We Want Becky!” while Charlotte rolls Carmella. TWO and Carmella kicks Charlotte to then throw her down by her hair. Carmella wraps on a headlock and mocks the “WOO~!” Charlotte powers out and things speed up, but Carmella gets the headlock again. Charlotte lifts but Carmella gets a takedown. Carmella taunts as she makes it a cover, ONE. They stand up but Carmella bumps Charlotte off buckles. She puts the headlock back on, then repeats.

Fans still want Becky as Charlotte powers out and rolls Carmella again. TWO, but Charlotte throws Carmella with the exploder. Charlotte kips up and fans “WOO~”. Charlotte walks on Carmella then climbs up top, but Carmella knows this too well. She shoves Charlotte all the way off and Charlotte hits barriers! Carmella catches her breath while Charlotte stirs. Carmella aims, runs, and DIVES! Air Fabulous connects! She puts Charlotte back in, covers, TWO! The match continues while we take one last break.

SmackDown returns once more, and Carmella thrashes Charlotte around in a chinlock. Carmella mocks the “WOO~” again as she puts her weight on Charlotte. Fans rally and Charlotte powers up. Charlotte throws Carmella off, then gets her up for a back suplex. She can’t make the cover, but she does recover and catch her breath. The two stand and Carmella throws forearms. Charlotte gives those Flair chops in return! Carmella runs, wheelbarrows and arm-drags. She dropkicks Charlotte down, then grins. Fans fire up as Charlotte drags herself up in a corner. Carmella trash talks and runs in, but is put on the apron. She hits Charlotte away, then counters the shoulder with a kick! Carmella climbs and flies fora crossbody! Charlotte rolls through, TWO!

Charlotte goes to spear but gets a kick to the leg. Carmella gives a Fabulous Flat Liner, cover, TWO! She grows frustrated even though Charlotte looks exhausted. Carmella throws hammer hands, then goes after Charlotte in a corner. She misses, tries for her Fabulous Steiner, but Charlotte works to counter! Carmella sits up and pulls hair, but Charlotte tries to use that for a bomb. Carmella STILL Fabulous Steiners! Cover, TWO!! That was so close and Carmella can feel it. Fans rally up as Carmella drags Charlotte up again. She throws more furious hammer hands. She and Charlotte brawl as Carmella shrieks. Carmella brings Charlotte up again, sunset flips, but Charlotte rolls through. Carmella pushes her away, FABULOUS Kick, and another! Cover, TWO!! Another cover, TWO! High stack, TWO!!

Carmella can’t explain why she hasn’t won yet. She stands up while Charlotte stirs. Charlotte blocks the kick, SPEAR! Then Natural Selection! But she’s not done, Figure Four, to Figure EIGHT! Carmella endures, reaches, shrieks, but taps! Charlotte wins!

Winner: Charlotte Flair, by submission; still WWE SmackDown Women’s Champion

The Queen takes care of the Princess, but here comes Becky! Becky won’t let Charlotte enjoy her moment, and fans are okay with that! She gives Charlotte a kick down, then demands a mic! Fans chant “Let’s Go Becky!” Becky holds up the belt and then tells Charlotte, “When I get my way come Hell in a Cell, I’m taking my title back, you bitch!” Fans are thunderous for the Lass Kicker. Will Becky kick some serious lass in three weeks?

 


 

My Thoughts:

What a great SmackDown! They didn’t bother with Super Showdown build, they didn’t put too much on Evolution, they just focused on Hell in a Cell, which really helped. We started with a bang, too, as New Day celebrated with KING BOOKAH! It was great to “formally” induct them into the Five-Time Club, this fifth run is going to be great. Then the truly surprise Triple Threat was great. The Colons haven’t gotten much TV play but man they didn’t show any rust on them. They were a nice X-factor in the match, but in the end The Bar wins by taking advantage of their work. Rusev Day VS Usos VS SAnitY is the next triple threat, and I really hope Rusev Day wins that one. I don’t want that team breaking up, but if it must happen, then let it happen when The Bar likely beats them later.

I like that Jeff Hardy wants Randy Orton for THE Hell in a Cell match, and we finally get to see him give it a try, but now I fear he’s going to Swanton off the very top. Last we knew, Jeff had to worry about his back, so hopefully he doesn’t put himself through too much in this grudge match. I’m surprised Styles VS Joe wasn’t automatically a Cell match, too, but after what Joe has said, said tonight and what might say next week to get on Styles’ nerves, I hope something happens to make their rematch a Cell match. Almas VS Bryan was pretty solid, even with Miz & Maryse getting involved. The feud is intensifying, so that Mixed Tag Match is going to be really good now.

That SmackDown Women’s Championship match was pretty great, too. Carmella really has improved in the ring for being the Last Real Diva in WWE. That suicide dive of hers is pretty solid, but naturally Charlotte wins because we’re moving on to Charlotte VS Becky. If Hardy VS Orton and Styles VS Joe weren’t already so heated to deserve a Cell match, I’d love for another Women’s Cell match. Becky is still being written as the Heel but adored as the Face, so her winning the title back and doing it in extreme fashion would be all the better. Of course, Charlotte will likely win again, but I hope in that scenario, Becky wins at WWE Evolution because that’s another great venue for her crowning moment.

My Score: 8.5/10


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Coverage

Andrew’s TNA iMPACT! Results & Match Ratings: 5.2.2024

Under Siege is tomorrow! Yeah the card looks pretty awful, but maybe this Go Home will spice things up!

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Not gonna mislead anyone here, Under Siege looks nearly as bad as a Steven Segal film by the same name. Lots of useless tag matches, only really the X Division title to care about. It reminds me of a “Road to” show that New Japan does. Bunch of worthless matches with a few story wrinkles but entirely skippable.

Hopefully something crazy happens or the show is good enough to cover the bad card. But let’s hope something happens tonight to maybe create some reason to watch.

Ratings:

  • Mustafa Ali vs Chris Bey w/Ace Austin: Ali wins via 450 – **
  • Dani Luna w/Jody Threat vs Alisha Edwards w/Masha Slamovich: Lish wins via Russian Death Device – ** 1/4
  • Hammerstone vs Cody Deaner: Hammerstone wins via Torture Rack – *
  • #1 Contender Match: Ace Austin w/Chris Bey vs Trey Miguel w/Zachary Wentz: Ace wins via The Fold – ***
  • TNA Knockouts Championship: Jordynne Grace (c) vs Miyu Yamashita: Grace retains via Juggernaut Driver – *** 1/2

 

Results:

Mustafa Ali vs Chris Bey w/Ace Austin

Ali with a simple Headlock takeover, Bey fights back up and tries to create something with a rope run; but Ali gets the best of things with a Back Elbow. Ali gets cocky as Bey retreats to the corner, Bey turns things around quickly, lands the 10 Count Punches in the corner, Ali tries to fight back but Bey snaps off a quick DDT for a near fall. As Bey goes to continue the offense, Ali Drop Toe Holds Bey into the ropes neck first. Ali again, demonstrating some of the worst in-ring trash talk, Bey turns things around since Ali is running his mouth too much. Ali gets set in the Tree of Woe, Bey goes across to another corner and does a Coast to Coast Elbow Drop as Ali tries to sit up. Honestly, stupid looking since its obviously too coordinated. No one would stay half sat up just to eat an elbow.

While the move looked cool, I now care significantly less about what’s going on. Illogical spots just because “they’re cool”, should not be rewarded. Bey controls the match after the stupid spot, hits his Corner Uppercut Hip Attack, Ali tries to duck a few moves and create something but eats a Spinebuster for 2. Art of Finesse attempt, but Ali shoves him to the outside. Working back inside Ali goes for his Rolling Neckbreaker but Bey connects with a Roundhouse Kick to stop Ali in his tracks. Fighting Spirit spot, they run into the ropes, Ali has a bad Double Leg takedown that he tries to turn into a Cradle with feet on the ropes, but Ace pushes the feet off.

As security starts to move on Ace, Ali hits a Suicida, then Bey connects on a Tope con Hilo. Bey starts rocking Ali, hits the Kudome Valentine but Ali manages to pull himself under the bottom rope just enough to avoid losing. Bey climbs the corner, Ali German Suplexes Bey to the apron, Ali goes for the 450, misses, Bey goes to finish the match but the security get involved again, hit Bey with the flag and then Ali lands the 450 for the win.

I liked when the Security Guards were window dressing instead of mooks to cheat with. This just makes the matches dumber and significantly less interesting, especially when its nameless mooks and its not even a talent getting heat. 

Dani Luna w/Jody Threat vs Alisha Edwards w/Masha Slamovich

Dani starts strong and fast, forearm shots, lariats and a quick near fall sends Alisha retreating to the ropes to get some advice from Masha. Dani goes to attack Lish, Lish with a Drop Toe Hold, Masha takes advantage of the distracted ref and Lish hits a Satellite DDT and then taunts entirely too much. As Lish talks too much, Dani stands up and starts beating the hell out of Lish, Suplex into the rope assisted Blue Thunder Bomb. Dani goes for the Luna Landing, but Masha climbs on the apron, distraction happens, then Lish goes after Jody and the ref stays distracted with Lish. Masha slides into the ring, Roundhouse Kick into the Russian Death Device and Lish turns around for the win!

Sami’s little segment is aptly named DMTv since it feels like a weird hallucination or trip with the way he does stuff. 

Hammerstone vs Cody Deaner

Am I supposed to care about this? Hammerstone looks like he’s chiseled out of granite and Deaner looks like he’s fished out of a trailer park. Hammerstone says a lot of how I feel that the Deaner schtick is pathetic. Deaner says he’s given the power to add a stipulation, Hammer says Arm Wrestling Match, Deaner wants a Sin City Street Fight. So we know what the crowd will pick. Christ this is so carny even Court Bauer blushed.

Deaner bonks Hammer with the mic, low dropkick, goes to grab a trash can lid and hits Hammer…but it just pisses off Captain Hammer. Stomps a mudhole in him, Irish Whip into a Back Elbow and Hammer deposits him to the outside to utilize the gimmick I would assume. This is going on much longer than it should, Deaner finds a chair, clocks Hammer once, goes for Twice, but this isn’t Kpop; so Hammer says no and hits him with a Backbreaker. Then Hammer hits him with a chairshot, 10 Count Punches in the corner, Sack of Shit, Deaner goes for the Ricky Morton lean against the ropes and sell to the crowd spot, but Hammer leans into him and starts using the chair again.

Deaner does his nerd Hulk Up, tries to call for a Body Slam but Hammer doesn’t move and drops the dweeb down. Deaner is back to the begging the crowd Ricky Morton spot…but the crowd doesn’t care since Deaner is a jabroni. Hammer tosses Deaner like a pizza ribs first into the back of the chair and just takes a few moments to revel in his handwork. Deaner fights back, lands a few right hands, tries to call for the Body Slam again like an idiot, gets Hammer half way and falls over so Hammer just rains down punches (can we end this waste of time please). Hellavator, I mean Nightmare Pendulum but Deaner floats over and lands the Scoop Slam onto the steel chair for only 2.

The crowd starts chanting for table, so of course Deaner obliges…this is going on so damn long. Hammer no sells the forearm, Vertical Suplex, goozle, and then Hammer Chokeslams Deaner through the table and calls to for the Torture Rack. Deaner is Rack’d and dead. ‘Bout damn time.

Like a Torpedo, Something is there…

I’m mad at myself that I popped for Ball of Speed. I’m not even sure why, but I like it.

If I’ve said it once I’ve said it at least 3 dozen times, Joe Hendry is a treasure. Starting with a medley of the insult songs to lead into the Creed parody is genius. Odd apology, but I respect it. “Can you please get fired…”, such a great song.

#1 Contender Match: Ace Austin w/Chris Bey vs Trey Miguel w/Zachary Wentz

Typical Junior style start with counters and some chain wrestling and then a quick tension spot where Trey slaps Ace and then they fire off on each other for a few seconds before they get broken up because its just a shmoz. Trey baits Ace to the outside, Up and Over but Ace lands on the apron and then Wentz picks the ankle as Trey feigns injury to distract the referee. Back Rake back into the ring and just insulting Knife Edge Chops at a deliberate pace. Commercial break happens and Trey is still in charge. Ace shoots the Double and turns it into a Jacknife Cradle for 2 but Ace is still visibly hobbled.

Trey tries to keep Ace grounded but he tries to fire up and Trey finds different ways to keep Ace grounded including a Running Bodyscissors into Full Mount. Kick combination rush from Trey as he goes for the Asai Moonsault to punctuate it but Ace gets the knees up. Short range Knee Strike, Click Click Boom, Corner Splash Seated Lariat spot into a Triangle Kick for 2! Ace looks to set up The Fold, Wentz distracts, Trey grabs tights! But Ace kicks out! Trey with the Backflip Back of the Head Dropkick. Bey levels Wentz and Trey is talking shit to the fans, Ace goes for the Crucifix Pin, but kicks out at 2.

Jackie Bryant Headlock Kick from Trey, but Ace blocks it. Triangle Kick misses, Ace tries to jump on him but misses, Cheeky Nandos, then Trey heads up but Ace cuts him off. They struggle on the top rope, Trey Bell Claps Ace, Ace tries to duck but Trey turns it into the Sunset Flip, locomotion float away, Ace Face Stomp into The Fold! Ace wins!

The Bald Bearded Canadians, good ole team BBC…wait…

TNA Knockouts Championship: Jordynne Grace (c) vs Miyu Yamashita

They start off respectfully, which is what you expect since Miyu is well respected in this generation. A few Headlock Takeovers, Shoulder Blocks and finally Miyu drops Jordynne with a Switchblade Kick. Miyu goes to follow up, but Jordynne catches the kick and T-Bone Suplex gives Jordynne a near fall. Juggernaut Driver early, but Miyu counters, rams Jordynne into the corner, Triangle Kick from Miyu for 2! Cravat into Knee Strikes and then a PK to the spine keeps Miyu in control. Miyu lets Jordynne up and they trade strikes a bit, Jordynne’s arms prove to be a little stronger than Miyu’s legs, takes out the legs and then the Jackhammer on the floor from Jordynne!

Jordynne tries to roll Miyu back in, but Miyu continues to roll out to buy some space, Jordynne goes for a dive and eats a foot. Miyu looks for an Apron Death Valley Driver, Jordynne fights it a while but Miyu eventually gets her over and down on the apron for 2. Miyu with a Headlock Takeover, but both ties the other one up and the ropes save the awkward but effective exchange. Strike exchange number 2. Miyu no sells a few Scoop Slams and lands Round Kicks. Spinning Backfist and Round Kick connect simultaneously for both women to drop.

Jordynne charges, Pink Striker tries to block with the front kick, but Jordynne plows through with a Back Elbow. Kinniku Buster attempt but Miyu knows how to get away from that and fights off with Knee Strikes, Jordynne is rocked but fights back up and Avalanche Back Body Drop for 2! Jordynne no sells a Roundhouse Kick, Miyu no sells a Lariat then another kick from Miyu and a Back Kick to the face for 2. Skull Kick attempt, blocked, Juggernaut Driver out of nowhere to retain!

 

Overall Score: 6.25/10

The second half of the show was pretty damn good, but God was the first half useless. Hammerstone and Deaner went on far too long, that was dumb, it looked dumb, I felt dumb watching it. Ali’s match was garbage with the stupid spot monkey indie garbage spot. If I want to watch wrestling that makes less sense than Chinese Dramas with Hindi subtitles, I’ll watch AEW and have a stroke.

Thankfully, Joe Hendry got a good chunk of time, the Trey and Ace match was pretty good and overlooking the stupid run in after match stuff, the Knockouts match itself was pretty damn good. So the new bookers have really consistently done this stuff, where there’s a ton of overbooked stupidity, but they sprinkle in enough okay stuff to make me not completely lose faith. OH – and we do get Kushida versus Gresham tomorrow, so at least that strengthens the lackluster card.

Lets see if they ever figure out how to really book, or if they eventually go full TNA 2015.


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Mitchell’s ROH Results & Report! (5/2/24)

The Queen is chasing the crown!

Published

on

Will the One and Only become the #1 contender?

Queen Aminata wants after Athena and the ROH Women’s World Championship, but she will still earn her way to a shot, starting with a match tonight!

OFFICIAL RESULTS

  • The Infantry VS The Outrunners; The Infantry wins.
  • Nyla Rose VS Camron Branae; Nyla wins.
  • ROH World Tag Team Championships Proving Grounds: The Undisputed Kingdom VS The Qrown; wins and
  • Aaron Solo VS Jon Cruz; wins.
  • Toa Liona w/ The Mogul Embassy VS ???
  • Six Man Tag: The Dark Order VS ???
  • Queen Aminata VS Robyn Renegade; wins.

PLAY BY PLAY

The Infantry VS The Outrunners!

Captain Shawn Dean & Carlie Bravo have had it with Turbo Floyd & Truth Magnum! It’s one thing to use the same finishing move and rename it, but then The Outrunners’ new gear is camouflage, and they start using the Infantry’s catchphrases! Will Turbo & Truth get sent to Boot Camp? Or will Dean & Bravo be sent into Miami Overdrive?

Wait a minute, wait a minute. Who is this accompanying The Outrunners? Lazer Linda? So now they’re copying Infantry in having a female team member? Trish Adora steps into the ring to get a good look at Linda. Linda flexes on Adora, so Adora gives her a LARIAT TUBMAN! The Outrunners are upset but then Dean & Bravo storm up to throw hands! The ref reprimands but The Infantry keep throwing hands. Dean whips Truth and Bravo whips Turbo, but the Outrunners both reverse that. Dean and Bravo both dodge, then they both fake the Outrunners out! Those dropkicks get nothing, and then The Infantry DROPKICK The Outrunners!

The Outrunners bail out, The Infantry fire up and Daily’s Place fires up with them! The ref says they finally need to sort out, so Bravo falls back. Truth flounders in, the bell finally sounds, and Dean arm-drags Turbo around! Dean keeps Turbo from Truth, tags Bravo in, and then Dean wrenches while Bravo hops up. Bravo AX HANDLES Turbo’s arm, then brings him around to wrench. Tag to Dean, he goes up and AX HANDLES! Then the Infantry double whip, and double atomic drop, for a double HIP TOSS! The Infantry now mock The Outrunners, before the double FIST DROP! Turbo flounders away and tags in Truth!

Truth runs up, but into a DOUBLE HIP TOSS! Then another DOUBLE FIST DROP! Cover, TWO! Truth stays in this but Dean storms up on him. Turbo distracts the ref, Truth pokes Dean in the eye! Truth blames it on the sunset, then bumps Dean off buckles. Tag to Turbo and the Outrunners mug Dean. Tag back to Truth, he goes up, BACKBREAKER, and then Truth winds up! But Bravo sneaks behind enemy lines to get Dean outta there, Truth’s knee drop turns into an accidental atomic drop! The Infantry then get in and TOSS Turbo! Bravo aims to PLANCHA! Down goes Turbo and the fans fire up again!

Dean brings Truth up, throws hands, then tags in Bravo. Dean scoops Truth, Bravo goes up, and they hit the BACKBREAKER and “Grenade” KNEE DROP! The fans fire up more and Bravo brings Truth up. Truth throws a shot but Bravo hits back. Bravo whips, Truth reverses, but Bravo gets around! Turbo tags in before the O’Conner Roll! Turbo runs up but Bravo dodges him to SUPERKICK! Turbo ends up on ropes, and Bravo ROCKS Truth! Bravo whips, Truth reverses and Turbo BODY SHOTS! Turbo BLASTS Dean, gets Bravo, and sends him into Truth’s BOOTS! Bravo staggers, Turbo CLAWS him on the back!

Tag to Truth and the Outrunners mug Turbo. The fans are torn, but Truth CHOPS Bravo in a corner! Truth spins around while the fans “WOO~!” Truth then storms back up, whips corner to corner, but Bravo reverses. Bravo runs up, but slides under as Truth goes up! Bravo then trips Truth, and asks if he should. The fans say yes, so Bravo YANKS Truth backwards into the POST! Bravo high-fives fans, but then Turbo FLYING AX HANDLES off the apron! Dean protests but there’s nothing he can do as Turbo puts Bravo back in. Truth drags Bravo over, tags Turbo, and Turbo drops an elbow! Cover, TWO!

Turbo drags Bravo up, tags Truth back in, and they mug Bravo with a big kick! Bravo sputters while the Outrunners flex. Truth whips, Bravo sunset flips, but Truth flails! Truth reaches for the literal sunset but Bravo finishes the flip, TWO! Bravo reaches for Dean but Truth trips him up! Tag to Turbo, and he drops down into a CROSSFACE! Bravo endures, fights up, but Turbo tags Truth. The Infantry get Bravo up, but Bravo BOOTS Turbo away! Bravo ELBOWS Truth, then ROCKS Turbo! And repeat! And repeat! Bravo runs, but into the DOUBLE HIP TOSS! The Outrunners shake hands and flex, DOUBLE ELBOW DROP!

Turbo BLASTS Dean, Truth covers, but Dean gets back in to kick it! Truth is upset but he stomps Bravo. Truth whips Bravo to the corner, then he BLASTS Dean again! Truth runs at Bravo but Bravo slips out to the apron! Truth hits buckles, Turbo storms up but Bravo dodges by going back inside! Bravo then slips out the other side, and Truth runs into Turbo! Bravo slingshots in for a STUNNER! The fans fire up as Bravo crawls for his corner, but Turbo grabs a foot! Turbo drags Bravo up, back suplexes, but Bravo lands out! Bravo avoids both Outrunners to hot tag Dean! The fans fire up as The Captain rallies on The Outrunners!

Dean fires haymakers and LARIATS! Then a back drop for Truth! The fans fire up as Dean runs in to give Turbo a FLYING BACK ELBOW! Dean goes corner to corner, blocks Truth’s boots, and puts him in ropes for an ENZIGIRI! Truth flops down, Turbo takes a swing, but Dean slips around to DDT! Dean kips up, the fans fire up, and they join Dean in an “OORAH!” JUMP ELBOW DROP! Cover, Truth breaks it! Truth TOSSES Dean out, but Bravo runs up! CARLIE CROSSOVER! Down goes Truth, but Turbo CLUBS Bravo! BIG back suplex! But Dean’s up top! FLYING SPLASH! Cover, Truth runs in, but Dean moves! The AX HANDLE hits Turbo!

Truth panics and apologizes, but then sees Dean! Truth wants mercy, but then he goes to poke eyes! Dean blocks those, bends those fingers, but Turbo CLUBS Dean down! The Outrunners shift into gear, MIAMI OVER- NO, Dean slips around and the BOOT hits Truth! Tag to Bravo and they get Turbo, for BOOT CAMP! Cover, Infantry wins!

Winners: The Infantry, by pinfall

Often imitated, never duplicated! The one, true Russian Leg Sweep Boot combo shines through, and that’s no cap! Dean & Bravo finally settle things with Turbo & Truth, will they march forward to settle things with The Undisputed Kingdom next?

 

Matthew Menard & Angelo Parker speak.

Cool Hand Ange tells Daddy Magic that things have been rather weird lately, to say the least. Not too long ago, Parker was on Rampage, going to make an announcement he told no one about, and the truth is, he was ready to retire. He felt he didn’t have anything left to fight for. Then he got the biggest news of his entire life, he found out he’s gonna be a dad! And if that doesn’t light a fire under your ass, then what does? So now, Ruby Soho is going to be at home, being a mom to their child, and Parker had to think, “What’s next?” Then he realized, there is a hell of a lot to fight for now, isn’t there?

Menard says how ’bout it? Ruby’s at home, nesting. Cool Hand Ange has priorities in order and Menard loves it! And tell ya right now, Menard has a problem with The Undisputed Kingdom. The ROH World Tag Team Champions, right? So how about this? They get the van, they pack it up, and they start taking a road trip! Van, train, airplane, who cares?! They’re heading to a certain place called The Promised Land! So get ready, boys! No doubt! Ever-Rise, 2Point0, X-JAS, will the next titles Menard & Parker go by be ROH World Tag Team Champions?

 

ROH World Tag Team Championships Proving Grounds: The Undisputed Kingdom VS The Qrown!

Speaking of, Matt Taven & Mike Bennett are here to defend those titles! Or at least, make teams earn their way to a shot at the titles. Will The Kingdom check another team off the list? Or will Leonis & Maximus Khan be one step away from the crown?

 


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