Entertainment

Mitchell’s Hyrule Puro-Resu News Report! (12/21/20)

HPW Media finally catches up with…?

Published

4 years ago

December 21, 2020

Steven Mitchell

Finally, HPW finds the blue haired girl from Clash of Fates!

After appearing back in October, the girl with the blue hair has been found! Who is she? Why did she go after Cia during the Hyrule Warriors match?

HPW explains the course of events.

It was October 31st that Cia was attacked by the young mystery woman during the Hyrule Warriors match, and the woman fled. Since then, HPW has been quietly working hard to identify her. Cia refused to comment, making the search difficult, but after scouring the internet’s many social media platforms, she was found! HPW reached out to her, but she didn’t respond right away. When she finally responded, she asked for a meeting with Cia. HPW contacted Cia, Cia refused, and that upset the young woman. After more negotiating through email, the young woman finally agreed to visit HPW Headquarters.

The young woman with blue hair visits HPW HQ.

The receptionist directs her to a conference room, a HPW Media camera escorts her journey to an elevator, up a few floors, and to the room. There, Humpback Hook Halibut and Nicolas Foolyere are there to meet her. They shake hands before sitting down and the camera is set on the table.

Firstly, Foolyere asks the young woman introduce herself for the record. “My name is Lana.” Why did she attack Cia at Clash of Fates? “Well, I should probably explain who I am, too. I’m Cia’s sister.” Whoa! Foolyere and Halibut compose themselves after being surprised, and continue the interview. “So then,” Halibut asks, “you attacked your own sister?” Yes. But why? Because Cia can’t be allowed to have her way. Lana’s been watching Cia lie, cheat and steal, and not in a loveable way. Lana has seen Cia does this their entire lives together, and couldn’t allow for Cia to do this on a national platform.

Lana and Cia grew up loving wrestling. They always wanted to be professional wrestlers. But they also grew up very differently. Cia fell in with a bad crowd, and that “little gang of friends” became The Dark Forces. At first it was just Cia, Wizzro and Volga, but clearly they’ve recruited others. Lana couldn’t take seeing what they were all doing to get ahead, even before being in HPW. Lana just knew they were up to something, so she made sure to be there that night. And as she watched Cia be so arrogant, Lana couldn’t help but lose her cool. She wants to apologize to HPW for jumping the rail. She isn’t a wrestler signed by them, so she was basically just a fan and she assaulted Cia. However, Lana will not apologize to Cia for what she did to her.

Well, interesting how she brought up not being an HPW wrestler. Halibut and Foolyere have a contract for her to sign! What? Really? Lana is honored that they want to sign her! She takes the contract and a pen and signs on the dotted line! She shakes hands with Halibut and Foolyere again as she hands the contract back. Halibut says, “Now obviously, we can’t get you and Cia a match for HyruleMania.” “Oh, no no no no,” Lana says back, “I wouldn’t dare dream of that!” She knows she will have to earn her way to a big moment like that. But she will do her best to prove they were right to sign her. They don’t doubt that. When and where will Lana have her HPW in-ring debut?

My Thoughts:

I admit I should’ve had something more for Lana and Cia since Clash of Fates so that we could have something for HyruleMania, but I ended up devoting a lot of time to the November event and am in the process of going big for HyruleMania. Also her character origin has to be fairly normal in HPW since her real origins from Legend of Zelda: Hyrule Warriors is a bit fantastical, even when pro-wrestling in reality have Bray Wyatt becoming The Fiend and Mark Calaway had powers as The Undertaker. But with this, I will make sure Lana and Cia have something good in 2021.

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Entertainment

Mitchell’s Hyrule Puro-Resu News Report! (5/23/25)

What’s with all the glowing?

Published

4 days ago

May 23, 2025

Steven Mitchell

HPW Investigates: The Glowing Aura Phenomenon…

Riju, Sidon, Thunderbird, Donny B. Kool, Yunobo. Five stars of HPW have had powerful performances, but there’s something more to it… What is the reason behind this modern mystery? And could there be another?

Reviewing the timeline of events…

March 21st, the Triforce Tournament Bracket Finals

As the Gerudo Sisterhood was settling its grudge, Riju fought as hard as she could as the massive underdog against the Dame of the Dunes. Riju would survive heavy impact, begin to glow as she made her comeback, but Shabonne made sure she would lose the match. On that same night, we would see Sidon and Thunderbird each have their own moment where, after surviving heavy damage, they would begin to glow and make their comebacks. From there, Sidon and Thunderbird would win their way into the Triforce Tournament Finals at the Triforce Annivesary show.

April 1st, The Triforce Anniversary

Not only would we see Sidon & Thunderbird each bring out that same glowing energy, but Donny B. Kool would bring out that same phenomenon during the 21 Person Battle Royal. Donny held his own, but with that many opponents, winning was unlikely, and he was eliminated fifth-to-last.

May 1st, Wrestling Is Life

Yunobo won that 21 Person Battle Royal in April, and made his challenge for the HPW Death Mountain Championship. Igos du Ikana was as sharp as ever, but both men pushed each other to their limits. Yunobo powered through submissions and sharp strikes, bringing about the glowing aura, but Igos still won the match and retained the title.

So what might this all mean?

Five stars have been seen with glowing auras during the emotional heights of these matches. Or perhaps, the glowing auras are the results of these emotional heights? Could they be brought about by the “fighting spirit” within each one and in turn bring out new strength and energy? Each one of the five certainly seemed to “dig down deep” and fight like they were rising above mortal expectations.

Another detail that must be considered is the number of people who have presented this glowing aura phenomenon. Five people, with no connections between them: Riju the Gerudo; Sidon the Zora; Thunderbird the Ruto; Donny B. Kool the Gero; and Yunobo the Goron. Granted, they’re all young, and certainly leading this new generation forward. But the number itself is a point of focus. Needless to say that in Hyrule, three is the magic number, originating with the Triforce of legend. Therefore, multiples of three are also important. Five recorded phenomena, could this be a breaking of the norm? Or could there be a sixth?

Images flash on screen of the many faces on the HPW roster. Who could it be that enters the GAP?