Welcome to this week’s edition of the Nerd Review!  Every week the Nerds give you their take on a different classic from the Nerdosphere.  This week Dave and Greg continue the Ocean’s Trilogy with 2007’s classic Ocean’s Thirteen!

The Flick: Ocean’s Thirteen

Oceans Thirteen could also be called “This time, it’s personal.” When Reuben Tishkoff gets swindled by casino and hotel mogul, Willy Bank, it causes Reuben to suffer a heart attack. Danny, Rusty, and the rest of the gang travel to Las Vegas to be at his bedside. Danny approaches Bank and requests that he set things right with Reuben. Bank blows off the request and this act of defiance is the motivating force behind Danny Ocean’s next Las Vegas based heist. This time, the plan is multi-pronged. On the one hand, they want to ruin Bank on opening night of his new Las Vegas Strip Hotel. If they can accomplish this, then Bank would actually lose control of the hotel, called The Bank (cute, right?) to the gaming commission. But why stop there? All of Bank’s hotels have achieved the Five Diamond Award, pretty much the highest accolade that can be given to a hotel. The second part of the plot involves making sure that this time out, Bank fails miserably in that endeavor. Thus, the stage is set for another excellent heist-based movie set against the Las Vegas backdrop.

In Oceans Thirteen, the plot is even more involved than in the first two installments. To pull this caper off, the guys need to rig all the games in the players favor on opening night so that The Bank’s losses are high enough to force Willy Bank out of control of his own hotel. This herculean task is made all the more impossible through the use of the Greco gaming system, a device specifically designed to sniff out anomalies in patrons gaming habits, reflexes, reactions, heart rate, pupil dilations and so forth. To take out the Greco, the guys decide to use a magnetron. Then to make sure that the patrons do not simply give their winnings back to the house, they decide to simulate an earthquake on the Las Vegas Strip, which would trigger evacuation protocols meaning that the big winners would leave The Bank and spend their money elsewhere. To do that, they need to basically drill a tunnel under The Bank. When the first drill fails, the crew has to do the unthinkable as they approach Terry Benedict to loan them the money to buy the other potential drill that could do the job. Benedict has no love for Bank and agrees, but demands that the guys also steal the Five Diamond awards that Bank’s hotels have won, valued at roughly $250 million. All the while, Benedict is working with The Night Fox, Toulour, from Oceans Twelve to have him intercept the diamonds once the guys have accomplished their goals.

(Synopsis courtesy of Dave Ungar!)

The Nerds’ Take on Ocean’s Twelve (2004):

Dave Ungar: As can be gleaned from that summary, the plan this time out is every bit as complex and daunting as in the first two movies. Oceans Thirteen, from a pacing standpoint, feels more like Oceans Eleven than it does Oceans Twelve. But it does not flow nearly as smoothly as the first movie did. This one is also a bit easier to figure out than either of the first two films. There is no really big swerve this time around. For instance, it is readily apparent that the “FBI” agents involved are on Danny’s payroll and it is not at all surprising that the main one ends up being Linus’s father. After all, his mother’s appearance in Oceans Twelve kind of set the precedent there. Also, when Toulour snatches the diamonds from Linus near the end of the movie, it is telegraphed that he has absconded with fakes. About the best twist we get is that Danny Ocean donates Terry Benedict’s share of the take to charity and Terry, being the humanitarian he is, uses the opportunity to make an appearance on Oprah.

Now don’t get me wrong. Oceans Thirteen is still an excellent movie. The cast knocks it out of the park yet again and seeing Terry Benedict working with the guys, instead of against them, was enormously fun. There are also two major additions to the cast: Al Pacino who is magnificent as Willy Bank, and Ellen Barkin as his assistant, Abigail Sponder. David Paymer also does very well as the VUP, the guy who is supposed to review The Bank for the Five Diamond Award but who ends up being the focal point of torment from the guys as they make sure that, this time, one of Willy Banks’s hotels gets an abysmal review. They do kind of make it up to him at the very end with a rigged slot and an $11 million dollar payout. However, I would be remiss in not acknowledging two huge omissions from the movie as neither Julia Roberts nor Catherine Zeta Jones reprised their roles as Tess and Isabel, respectively. Their absence was definitely felt and caused the movie to lack that special element that both women brought to the first two movies.

All in all, Oceans Thirteen was a fun and fitting conclusion to the trilogy. It was my least favorite of the three, despite some excellent performances from all involved. Maybe it was because this time around, the plot was a bit too unbelievable? Maybe it was just something intangible that was missing? Whatever the case, I can say this: Oceans Thirteen was enormously fun and entertaining and if you have come this far with us on this journey, you would be a bit of a fool to not check out this final movie.

Dave’s Rating: 4/5

Greg DeMarco: Much like Ocean’s Twelve, this is my first go at covering Ocean’s Thirteen. If you didn’t catch my reviews of Eleven, you can get both here and here. You can also get our Nerd Review for Eleven and Twelve here on the site.

Once again, Dave’s synopsis is top notch, so I am not going to re-tell the story. But I can’t relaly give my take without some of that, so hopefully my perspective will counteract any repetition. I love this movie, so it’s worth it.

“It also sets things up for Thirteen, where (spoiler alert) the gang ends up having to give Terry Benedict money (again), Tess and Izzy aren’t around (it’s not their fight), and there is a whole new enemy to deal with (but one who, like Terry, screwed Ruben Tishkoff).”

That was me, prepping you for Thirteen, last week.

So let’s start there:

• A casino owner screws Ruven Tishkoff, leaving Danny, Rusty, and the crew to take on this personal fight.
• Along the way they need Terry Benedict’s help, and end up owing him money. It wouldn’t be an Ocean’s flick without that.
• The brilliant performances by Julia Roberts and Catherine Zeta Jones aren’t reprised, but they are addressed.

Now, let’s first address the elephant in the room: Who are the Thirteen? In Twelve, you have the same crew as Ocean’s Eleven, plus Tess as the (reluctant) twelfth member of the team. This time around they wrap Terry Benedict into their scheme (‘Nuff Said!), but who else?

That’s actually a matter of contention among the biggest Ocean film fans. With Tess out, we are back down to Eleven, and with Ruben presumably out, we are actually down to 10. Many point to Roman Nagel, played by Eddie Izzard. He is fully informed on the con, makes the compromised card shuffling devices, impersonates a technician, and presumably gets an equal share of the take. That would make him #11. As I said before, they wrapped Terry Benedict into the scheme as he pretends to be interested in ‘Nuff Said, being hocked by the same guy he had removed from his casinos in Ocean’s Eleven. But that makes him #12 (he also finances a drill, but that’s for later).

What about #13? Bobby Caldwell, Linus’ father, is heavily involved, and many call him #13. That’s a little odd to me though, as Linus’ mother played an equal sized role in Ocean’s Twelve, but wasn’t considered as part of the group. Personally, I count Reuben as he is indeed part of Ocean’s Eleven. He’s #11, Roman is #12, and Terry is #13. Going into the movie I was hoping we’d get Francois Toulour’s Night Fox as part of the team, but that obviously didn’t happen. I did, however, jump for joy the first time we saw him on screen in this movie.

The plot is really just a rehash of the first movie’s. Ruben got screwed by a fellow casino owner, and the team tries to make it right. They are a little more vindictive against al Pacino’s Willy Bank, but damnit did the guy deserve it. He essentially stole from Ruben, whereas Benedict just muscled him out. Totally different! His treatment of Ellen Barkin’s Abigail Sponder also makes him much more hateable than Terry Benedict.

The aforementioned Sponder is a key character in this one, and I love the role she plays. Barkin was 53 at the time this was released. Hollywood’s treatment of women at this age is far worse than their treatment of men at the same time, and Barkin’s character leans into that. She seems like she is chasing glory and success at an older age (being referred to as a “cougar” at least once), and Matt Damon looks to take advantage of her slight attraction to him.

That is a key part of this movie. Ocean’s Eleven featured the subplot of Danny getting Tess back, Ocean’s Twelve featured the subplot of Rusty Ryan getting Isabel Lahiri back, and while Ocean’s Thirteen didn’t introduce a woman for Linus Caldwell to win back, it still gave him a love interest with a very interesting twist. If a an installment Fourteen had been made, I bet we’d get more out of Linus and Sponder.

Side note: how did Abby know that the FBI agent’s last name was “Caldwell,” when he never introduces himself? Why would he have used his real last name in the con?

The other key element here is the hotel reviewer, credited as the “VUP” (Very UNimportant Person), played by David Paymer. Bank is working towards another Five Diamond review, but the crew puts Saul in place as the would-be reviewer. They then make life hell for the original reviewer, the VUP, but it works out for him in the end. Rusty Ryan rigs a slot machine at McCarran Airport, causing him to win 11 million dollars.

The con, the diamonds, the review, and the screwing of Terry Benedict in the end do put a nice bow on the trilogy, even if hardcore fans like me were left begging for more. With the addition of the Sandra Bullock driven Ocean’s Eight, I truly believe there could be one more Ocean’s movie in the cards for us sometime in the future, a mixture of men and women working for one final heist. As for Ocean’s Thirteen? It’s an amazing movie that falls just short of Twelve, and of course Eleven. But still a freakin’ classic.

Greg’s Rating: 4.5/5

Nerds’ Rating for Ocean’s Thirteen (2007): 4.25/5.0