HPW Media went in search of the six Triforce Tournament Bracket Finalists!

Before they all battle in the Second Triforce Tournament’s various bracket finals, we hear from Ganondorf, Yuga, Hilda, Cia, Ravio and Ghirahim!

First, the Finalists of Power!

Yuga has HPW record him painting, and he also narrates it. “Wrestling is so inspiring, isn’t it? The strength, the grace, the passion! All of it is so wonderful.” Yuga wants to “paint such a masterpiece” on the canvas of the ring, and then all can marvel at his skills. And Yuga is so honored to be doing so against a truly one-of-a-kind talent in Ganondorf! The one male Gerudo of this generation, “and he is a true specimen!” That will make Yuga’s triumph even more of a masterful work of art! And speaking of, the picture Yuga was painting is now complete, and it’s an admittedly well-down painting of himself holding up a golden triangle, clearly meant to be the Triforce of Power.

Ganondorf says he doesn’t care about art, but he still plans on “painting” a picture in the finals. “The black and blue of bruising. The red of blood. All of it on that pale pink face of Yuga’s like clown make-up.” For Ganondorf, paintings don’t wow him, because they don’t move. “Action, motion, collision. Those are what wrestling is about. There you will find art.” And when it comes to wrestling, Ganondorf is a better artist than Yuga will ever be. And the only masterpiece we’ll be seeing at the finals is Ganondorf going back to back as the winner of the Bracket of Power. Will Ganondorf put some pain in Yuga’s paint?

Second, the Finalists of Wisdom!

Cia and the Dark Forces are together and training because even Volga, Gibdo and Wizzro have a match now. Cia leads them in getting fired up for what appears to be an obstacle course. “Who’re we gonna crush!?” “The UnderWorld Order!” “Who’re we gonna kill!?” “The UnderWorld Order!!” “Who’re we gonna kiss?” Only Gibdo shouts “The UnderWorld Order!” because he didn’t hear the trick.

Cia turns to Wizzro and puts her hands on his shoulders. She knows he hasn’t stepped in the ring as a wrestler in a long time, but the Dark Forces needs him! They are going to get revenge on ReDead for betraying them, and then get after the Trios Championships! Wizzro is so fired up, he runs at the obstacle course! He quick steps in the tires but gets tripped up at the end, and he takes his anger out on the tires themselves. Wizzro tosses the one tire and storms off to the next obstacle.

“As for ‘Her Grace’, Hilda,” Cia says, “she’s not that special. Her Royal Highness’ Matched Luggage? Is that some kind of nerdy reference?” Cia’s not going to lose to some sort of “spoiled brat meme lord living off her daddy’s money.” There will be no luggage, no crowning moment, just Cia moving on to the tournament finals.

But Hilda responds by… Not really responding. Hilda reclines on a plush purple chaise lounge in a parlor with a portrait of herself on the wall. Hilda sips champagne from a tall glass and smooths her legs along the purple cotton. She lets out a sigh of satisfaction and smiles sweetly at the camera. “Cia. I’m going to beat you. And I will not apologize for any of it.” Hilda takes another sip, and the cameras fade to black. Will there be no regrets and no remorse when these two throw down in the Wisdom Finals?

Last but not least, the Finalists of Courage!

“Hello~! Ravio here! And do I have a deal for you! Wherever you can get HPW merchandise, you can now find Ravio merchandise! YAAAY~!” A little white bird-like creature waves a Ravio banner while Ravio fires off party poppers, that are also Ravio branded. There’s a little note that these are also available merchandise. Ravio shows off that he has Ravio brand liquid soap (and the bottle looks a lot like what he used on King Bulblin), Ravio brand refrigerator magnets, Ravio staplers, Ravio staple removers, Ravio pens and pencil sets, Ravio brand paintbrushes, Ravio brand watercolor paints, “SO! MUCH! STUFF!”

“And if you order with this special Ravio QR Code within the next 24 hours, you can get your very own, limited edition, RAVIOOO~ HAAAT~!” It’s a baseball cap with rabbit ears and the same eyes as on Ravio’s mask. And be sure to cheer Ravio on in the bracket finals on March 3rd! YAAAY~! Ravio claps “thunderstick” balloons together, and there’s another note that these are also for sale.

The video pauses but it’s revealed Ghirahim is watching this on his laptop. Ghirahim sighs and facepalms, then sets his laptop on the coffee table. He sits back and puts his hands together in a contemplative finger pyramid. “So this is the one… Who is in the finals with me? All because Volga and that brain dead dork couldn’t just settle things in a match.” Actually, Ghirahim says this is the best for him, too. “If Volga or ReDead had actually advanced, they would definitely have pulverized this purple little rodent, and I’d have to waste my time with them.” Ghirahim hopes a lot of fans do buy the merchandise. Ravio’s going to need all that money to pay for his hospital bills. Will Ghirahim crush Ravio’s dreams not with courage, but with cruelty?

My Thoughts:

We’re just 10 days away from the bracket finals event! Also, I hope someone picked up on the hypocrisy in Cia’s promo, i.e. over references made as if that’s a bad thing. I almost had Ravio make a Spaceballs reference of his own but I decided not to. It might’ve been too easy to make that joke about merchandising but hey.