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Mitchell’s Hyrule Puro-Resu News Report! (11/1/21)

Fallout from Clash of Shadows 2!

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HPW News 2021

HPW is on the Road to HyruleMania 2!

HPW made it through another Clash of Fates, and we hear from the wrestlers who made it through to the other side!

 

After the HPW Termina Championship Dangerous Hazards match.

The Ikana Royal Family meets Captain Keeta backstage.

Keta apologizes to Igos du Ikana for losing the match and besmirching the name of Ikana. Igos says it is fine, “There is still time.” He looks to Stal-Kid, Sir Hurr & Sir Durr and they nod, but we already know how that goes…

Osphala walks backstage, tissue in his nose.

He’s stopped his bloody nose and gives a thumbs up. He also gets ice packs for his back now as he sits down for a moment. “I’m beat up but I’m feeling good. Whatever’s next for me and this title, I’m up for it.” Will the Gleaming Yellow Light be bright and shining for November?

 

After the HPW Goddess Championship.

Shabonne helps Tali to the back.

Tali’s neck hurts from the Figure Four Necklock Zelda used on her, so Shabonne takes care of talking. “We have to respect Princess Zelda. We have to! She is a great talent, as we all just saw. But that will NOT stop the future of wrestling! Tali will be back, she will become Goddess Champion, and you will witness her new era!”

Zelda walks to the back.

The Goddess Champion raises her belt for a quick photo op, then puts it on her shoulder. “I have to give Tali a lot of credit. You can’t coach size or strength. If she gets another shot, I might be in trouble. But I’ll be ready for whoever it is at HyruleMania 2. And I’m looking forward to being the one champion who’s made it a full year here in HPW.” Will the Princess of Hyrule set a benchmark for all of Hyrule to chase after?

 

After the HPW Triforce Championship.

Link and Aryll walk backstage.

She wants him to go back for Kage, who turned out to be their long lost brother, but Link refuses. She asks why. Is it because he refuses to believe? She didn’t know what to make of it herself when grandma showed her the box with all the documents in it. But the birth certificate was official, and there were even photos! Aryll has it on her phone and wants to show Link. Link won’t look but she shows the camera. It’s a bit hard to see the full picture from glare, the faces of their mother and father are hard to make out but it is clear there are twin baby Hylian boys on the mother’s lap. Aryll says that’s proof enough that Kage and Link are twins, they’re both her older brothers.

HPW Media asks Aryll what happened then. How did Kage end up with the mean old sage but Link stayed with the family? There was a kidnapping. Their father was at work and the boys had been put down for a nap. Someone broke in, took one of the boys, but woke the other. Their cries alerted the mother and the kidnapper left with only one boy. The sage may have been the very person who kidnapped the twin that ended up as Kage. Aryll hopes that they can be a family. The sage isn’t around to poison Kage’s mind, he can be their brother. Link and Aryll stare down, and Link sighs. He still leaves without a word. Will Link accept the truth?

The Dark Forces wait as Kage storms in.

He kicks the table and knocks it over, the water bottles on it falling to the floor! Cia calms him down and he grumbles, “Not my brother.” Cia says that was a “horrible, controversial and almost offensive way to finish a match.” It doesn’t matter if it’s true or not, you don’t bring family drama up in the middle of a match, it’s not professional. But don’t worry, the Dark Forces will redeem themselves in the Hyrule Warriors match! Well…

 

After the Hyrule Warriors match.

Captain Bokoblin marches in.

“CAPTAIN! BOKOoOoOOoO~BLIN!” And then he marches right out, pointing his club and flapping his cape. Maybe we’ll see him again before next year’s Hyrule Warriors match.

Oaky Treetoh and her super fans enter.

Her fans work to cheer her up after being eliminated. Treetoh thanks them and says that she won’t let this get her down! She’ll be a great role model with her perseverance! Then she sings her theme song on her way out.

El Hijo del Torbellino walks in.

The Zora luchador thanks HPW for this opportunity. He got to share the ring with Fin Balure before, and he was happy to share it again, even though they didn’t make it to the end.

Ruto walks in.

She also thanks HPW for this opportunity to return to the ring. “It was great to see my old rival, Nabooru, again, as well as a lot of the newer generation. But don’t think this was a one night thing. I’ll be back for more.”

Ganondorf storms in.

HPW Media congratulates him on setting a new record for eliminations at seven. “Oh, really? Well that’s nice. Oh wait, who gives a damn?! Forged By Violence, you boys are gonna need to change your name to Broken By Violence.” He’ll be coming for them soon enough.

Ghirahim storms in.

He’s of course furious at Midna for foiling his plan but he can’t even really form words. Midna walks in next and he turns to confront her, but she tells him to not even bother. They can have it out at whatever HPW has planned for November. Ghirahim takes a second, and then says, “Fine. I’ll see you in November!”

The Dark Forces regroup backstage.

Cia shouts, “Can no one win fair and square?” What was that about pulling the buckle pads off? HPW Media points out Cia used a kendo stick in the match. But that didn’t lead to anyone’s elimination, did it? No? Then shut up! “Those three lowlifes are up to their old tricks, and now they’ve got what they want. But it doesn’t matter who faces Link at HyruleMania, we’ll be waiting on the other side.” But then the news comes in that Yuga turned on Hilda and eliminated her! Cia is surprised, and then she laughs. “Serves her right!” With things falling apart for Hilda’s trio, are The Dark Forces HPW’s strongest faction again?

Hilda storms in.

“Where’s a television? I need to see how this finishes!” The staff help her find a monitor and she watches while sipping water. She grumbles, “Traitorous rat,” while the camera is on Yuga. She gets confused as to what Ravio is doing and tells the chicken to get back in the ring. But then Ravio attacks with the kendo stick and the double knees and Hilda shouts, “YES! That’s what you get, Yuga!” But then she realizes, Ravio won?! She’d almost think she was dreaming.

Ravio walks in.

He’s very bashful and modest for having just won the biggest match of his career. Second Triforce Tournament Bracket of Courage winner and now the second Hyrule Warriors winner. But how does he feel about taking on the Triforce Champion? Ravio’s very excited, Link’s a great guy and he looks forward to a great match. Hilda enters and tells Ravio to “grow a pair already!” She tells Ravio that he’s going to beat Link and take that title from him to usher in a new era! Right? RIGHT? R-Right, Lady Hilda! Good. “Now let’s get going. You start training in the morning.” Training?! Did Ravio win a ton of baggage on top of his golden opportunity?


My Thoughts:

Just kinda whipped this up all at once. The November go-home PPV to HyruleMania 2 will have to have quite a bit in it to determine some other contenders, but there are also some feuds that can go into New Year’s Eve. I’m already thinking of setting the next “event” for Thanksgiving, so it could end up a rather stuffed full article.

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Entertainment

Mitchell’s Hyrule Puro-Resu News Report! (5/9/25)

June will be electric!

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Prepare for the most electrifying even of the HPW calendar!

While the stage is set for Blood & Thunder 4 and the HPW World Trios Championships, HPW must also address the return of KAGE!

 

Thundra Plateau is ready.

Wrestling is Life, but life has its stormy weather. The rain is going to be hot in June, but will the reign continue through the Summer? The Dark Forces may have failed to take the Undisputed Triforce World Championship from Zelda, but they still have the World Trios Championships. Harlequin, Lupay & Glutko will step inside the double ring, double cage to defend their gold. On one side, Arrow Club’s special combination of Fin Balure, Torbevito & Bad Croc Scaly. On the other, a new combination of its own in Cia, Lana & Midna.

 

Speaking of Cia, Lana & Midna…

The three of them are together, dressed in workout attire, in what appears to be a dance studio. This is a collaboration stream for Midna and Lana as they’re both big presences on the internet, aka “influencers.” Lana and Midna wave and say hi, and they give introductions, including Cia, who is reluctant to be standing there. Cia doesn’t know why they need to do this. Lana says they have to improve their teamwork. They may have won against Los Taros Locos, but it was really sketchy there for a second. Midna adds that doing a dance routine together is great for their timing and coordination.

Cia says she didn’t mean that, she meant having to stream it! Oh, well obviously, combining Midna’s viewing audience with Lana’s, and HPW’s overall, this makes huge numbers! So? And huge money…! Cia raises her eyebrow and says, “Oh really?” The trio sets up, and Lana says obviously they first have to learn the steps. Midna brings up, “Wait, what song are we dancing to?” Oh, good point. Lana was thinking something from Lulu. Cia asks, “Lulu? From the Indigo-Go’s?” Midna says Lulu’s got a great solo album. Lana agrees! That’s so great that they like the same music. Cia isn’t as familiar with her solo stuff, so she’ll rely on them for this.

Lana suggests they go with Energetic Me. For one, it has the most energy, duh. And it still has a dance vibe, which is the whole point. Midna says she might’ve gone with Royal Discotheque or Ten Outta Ten, but she sees Lana’s point. Lana shows them the dance moves she has in mind. Left arm up, bent at the elbow, and the hand up against the side of the chest. Then they switch so the right arm goes up to mirror that position while the left hand goes back to the hip. Maybe add a little hip pop as that happens. Do that a couple times, and then turn to the right. This puts the left hand on the back of the hip, right hand on the back of the neck for a sexy pose.

Then you turn to flip it the other way, then do a 360 with a big neck whipping, hair flipping move. Then finish with feet apart and double V’s up by the eyes, maybe with a wink. Cia says, “Yeah, okay…” while Midna says, “I like it!” Midna says she’ll set up in the middle. Cia asks why Midna is in the middle, and Midna says it’s symmetry. She’s the tallest, Cia and Lana are about the same, it makes sense. Yeah, but it also means Midna is the center of attention. Well, that’s just coincidental. Lana says it doesn’t matter, the point is them doing it all in synch. Cia sighs and says, “Fine.” Midna is in the middle, Cia is on her right, and the music plays.

Left arm, right arm, left arm, right arm, pose to the right, pose to the left, 360 spin and neck whip, then double V. Midna nailed it, but Cia was lagging. Cia defends she was not, but Lana says it’s alright, they’ll just keep trying. They run through it a couple more times, they do tighten it up, and all three feel really good about how that went.

The Dark Forces are watching.

They aren’t impressed by the “little dance party.” Harlequin says the Faces of Evil are way better anyway. Especially with the classics like the Thriller dance and Macarena. Zant says, “The Macarena? Pfft, and people think I’m a dork…” Harlequin says, “Don’t you dare mock the Macarena!” Harlequin changes tabs on the computer and starts playing the song! After the introduction, he lifts his right arm up flat, then his left. Then he turns the right hand up, the left hand up, puts his right hand on his left shoulder, left hand on right shoulder, then moves right hand up behind his head, and then his left.

Now his arms crisscross, right hand on left hip and left hand on right hip, to then switch so right hand on right hip and left hand on left hip. And of course, he swivels his hips in one big circle to go with “HEY~ Macarena! AIGHT!” Zant rolls his eyes while Harlequin keeps going, jumping 90 degrees to his left. Ganon walks in, Ghirahim following behind, and he tells Harlequin to “turn that crap off.” Harlequin pouts but he does as told. Ganon seethes as he takes a seat in his big arm chair. “Needless to say… Wrestling is Life didn’t go how I’d hoped. What was Kage even doing there?! Did either of you have any idea he was going to betray us?!”

Zant and Ghirahim are a bit flustered. Zant isn’t even sure Kage was part of The Dark Forces at the time Ganon took ownership. He’d kinda gone rogue at some point, didn’t he? Ghirahim agrees, it didn’t seem like he was even aligned with Cia and the others. All the more reason for Kage to keep his nose out of Ganon’s business! If Kage cared about the Dark Forces, then he would’ve helped them fight back at HyruleMania, or any time since. Kage clearly just wants the title, same as Ganon, so he’s a dead man walking. Speaking of that… Where’s Kevin? He came back in April, why isn’t he here?

 

Somewhere dark and spooky…

Heavy footsteps can be heard echoing as Kevin Gibdo moves down the hallway. He speaks with a low, airy voice, “Majora… Your madness… spread like wildfire… You thought by setting me ablaze… I would crumble into ash… You were wrong! Instead, I have been purified…! Purged of flaws and weaknesses… I now come forth… as gold!” There’s a light at the end of the hall, and Kevin enters a grand hall, with treasure gleaming in the light. At the center is the sarcophagus. Kevin walks up to it, opens it, and then his burnt and tattered bandages fall away before he steps inside. The sarcophagus closes, then the eyes on it begin to glow… Then the entire thing glows!

The glowing becomes a shining light, and that shining becomes so bright that nothing can be seen. It is clear things between Kevin and Majora are not over. Will the Masked Monster even stand a chance once the Gibdo of All Gibdos is restored to full strength?

 

Back to the Dark Forces…

Shabonne says, “I’m sure Kevin is just fine doing whatever Gibdos do on their time off.” Tali says, “What matters is what I’m about to do to that tiny little weasel with the Goddess Championship. If The Dark Forces is gonna have all the gold, then I need to squash her like a bug and take that title off of whatever’s left!” Ganon nods and says he likes the initiative. Tali will start on her own Triple Crown as the Dark Forces will make Hyrule Pro-Wrestling their kingdom! The group cheers while raising a toast! And then Harlequin gets Glutko and Lupay to join in on the Macarena, to which Ganon groans and facepalms.

 

And so, the ThunderStruck card is set!

The double ring, double cage will rattle with Blood & Thunder as the HPW World Trios Championships are on the line! The Gerudo Ace looks to settle a grudge with the Hero’s Shadow! And now, the Million Rupee Championship and HPW Goddess Championships will also be on the line! Will the Dark Forces absolutely dominate the Summer? Be ready to endure the heat on Friday, June 20th!

About Chairshot Radio Network

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Bandwagon Nerds

Bandwagon Nerds #287: Filling A Void

The Nerds review Thunderbolts*, check out the latest trailers, and celebrate Star Wars Day as only they can!

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Bandwagon Nerds Mario

The Bandwagon is stripped down this week as Dave and PC Tunney helm the ship for a big week in the Nerdosphere. Naturally, we are covering Thunderbolts as Dave, Tunney (and the rest of the Bandwagon, for that matter) all saw the latest entry into the MCU. What was the consensus, and did the longest post-credit scene in MCU history push the Universe in the right direction? In other MCU News, we discovered why Hawkeye had no second season. From there, the guys head into the Trailer Park to look at the latest, including a sizzle reel for Netflix’s TUDUM event, Dwayne “The Rock ” Johnson’s latest movie, The Smashing Machine, and a very creepy look at Weapons. GTA 6 got delayed, again….but could that be a blessing in disguise? But this Episode was recorded on Star Wars Day, and to commemorate the event, Dave tries his best to convince Tunney to watch Andor, while Tunney tells Dave what he likes most about one of the most successful franchises of all time. All that, plus Dave tells you why The Last of Us is the best show anywhere on TV. Dave & Tunney cover a lot of ground in an action-packed episode of BWN, so make sure you tune in!

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PROWRESTLINGTEES.COM/TheChairshot – Makes a GREAT GIFT!!!

About Bandwagon Nerds

Join Patrick O’Dowd, David Ungar, PC Tunney, Rey Cash, and DPP as they keep everyone up on all things nerd and maybe add some new nerds along the way. It’s the Bandwagon Nerds Podcast!

About Chairshot Radio Network

Chairshot Radio Network

Launched in 2017, the Chairshot Radio Network presents you with the best in sports, entertainment, and sports entertainment. Wrestling and wrestling crossover podcasts + the most interesting content + the most engaging hosts = the most entertaining podcasts you’ll find!

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SATURDAY – The Mindless Wrestling Podcast

SUNDAY – Keeping the news ridiculous… The Oddity / The Front and Center Sports Podcast

CHAIRSHOT RADIO NETWORK PODCAST SPECIALS

Attitude Of Aggression Podcast & The Big Five Project (chronologically exploring WWE’s PPV/PLE history)

http://TheChairshot.com PRESENTS…IMMEDIATE POST WWE PLE REACTIONS w/ DJ(Mindless), Tunney(DWI) & Friends

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About Chairshot Radio Network

Launched in 2017, the Chairshot Radio Network presents you with the best in sports, entertainment, and sports entertainment. Wrestling and wrestling crossover podcasts + the most interesting content + the most engaging hosts = the most entertaining podcasts you’ll find!

 MONDAY - Bandwagon Nerds (entertainment & popular culture)

TUESDAY - Musical Chairs (music) / Hockey Talk (NHL)

WEDNESDAY - The Greg DeMarco Show (wrestling) 

THURSDAY - Keeping the news ridiculous... The Oddity / Chairshot NFL (NFL)

FRIDAY - DWI Podcast (Drunk Wrestling Intellect)

SATURDAY - The Mindless Wrestling Podcast

SUNDAY - The Front and Center Sports Podcast 

CHAIRSHOT RADIO NETWORK PODCAST SPECIALS

Attitude Of Aggression Podcast & The Big Five Project (chronologically exploring WWE's PPV/PLE history)

TheChairshot.com PRESENTS...IMMEDIATE POST WWE PLE REACTIONS w/ DJ(Mindless), Tunney(DWI) & Friends

Patrick O'Dowd's 5X5

Classic POD is WAR


Chairshot Radio Network Your home for the hardest hitting podcasts... Sports, Entertainment and Sports Entertainment!

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Let us know what you think on social media @ChairshotMedia and always remember to use the hashtag #UseYourHead!
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