Entertainment

Mitchell’s Hyrule Puro-Resu News Report! (3/23/22)

The rest of the Anniversary card is coming together!

Published

3 years ago

March 23, 2022

Steven Mitchell

This isn’t a joke, HPW solidifies the rest of April 1st!

We know the HPW Triforce Tournament Finals are set, but there’s still so much to the anniversary show! Death Mountain and Termina titles get contenders!

HPW hears from Tali and Shabonne.

They stand by a podium, and of course the HPW Death Mountain Champion stands on the spot for first place. Shabonne says, “Sav’saaba, vai and voe around the world. HPW Management respectfully and appropriately asked the Dame of the Dunes who she would like to defend her title against now that the Triforce Tournament is basically over. Tali and I discussed it, and we found the best way to determine that is how Tali earned this title: a ladder match! Four contenders will battle and climb to earn their shot at The Dame. But how will we decide those contenders? Well, that’s why we’re here!”

Shabonne has the camera pan over to a lottery drum and it is pretty obvious how they’re going to determine this. Shabonne grabs the handle and spins it around and around. Tali hops down off the podium to reach inside and pull out a ball. “The first contender,” Shabonne says as Tali shows her the ball, “Rosso! The Sage of Fire, that’s a legit name.” Shabonne closes the drum and has it go around again. Tali pulls out another ball for another name. “Volga! Dragon Knight, Dark Forces, a pretty good one right there.” They go a third time around and… “WHOA! Yes! Nabooru! Legend! Much respect! Personal favorite right there.”

The drum spins a fourth and final time around, and… “Torb- Turb? Turbo? Who the heck is Torbevito? Well, whoever you are, you’re really lucky to even be in this match. So there you have it! That is your Fatal 4 Ladder Match to name a #1 contender to the Death Mountain title! Good luck to you all on April 1st!”

HPW holds a contract signing at their headquarters.

King Nicolas Foolyere sits with Osphala and Igos du Ikana, with the Ikana Royal Family behind Igos, at a table. Foolyere thanks them all for coming and hopes not to take too much of their time. It was just a few days ago at the Deplian Badlands, Fin Balure told Igos to sort this out with Osphala, and so here’s how they’re going to sort it out: a #1 contender’s match between the former champions at the Triforce Anniversary Show. Osphala says that’s simple enough. He’ll beat Igos again and get his rematch with Fin. Osphala signs his part and then slides the contract to Igos. Igos picks up the pen while staring Osphala down and chuckles.

“Simple, you say. Nothing is simple when it comes to Termina. The shortest distance between any two points may be a straight line, but that doesn’t make it simple. You will learn that soon enough.” Igos then signs the contract and passes it to Foolyere. Foolyere thanks them as they all get up. Igos has the Ikana Royal Family stay put. “To make things more agreeable to you, Mr. Osphala, I will have my royal family stay away from the ring. I will defeat you by myself, and then there will be no excuses. That much is simple.” The IRF leave, but will Igos leave Central Hyrule the new #1 contender to the Termina title?

But wait! There’s still more!

As a special exhibition match, the UnderWorld Order is going to take on the HPW Triforce and Goddess Champions! Death Sword, Gomess and Hollywood ReDead take on Link, Zelda, and a partner of their choosing! Who will join the Hero and Princess of Hyrule against the spookiest trio in Hyrule?

My Thoughts:

More action for April 1st! And it seems pretty simple. Had to come up with more for the other titles in the company, so here it is. And as for that last match, I just didn’t want the uWo to fall away to obscurity. Plus, we can’t have Link and Zelda taking too much time off, they’re the top champions.

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TUESDAY - Musical Chairs (music) / Hockey Talk (NHL)

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