Entertainment

Andrew’s Judgmental Album Reviews: Metallica – 72 Seasons (2023)

Well its a week delayed because good ole Jersey thrash came first. Does Metallica’s new album still have any teeth or are they really just gumming their food at this point? 72 Seasons gets judged!

Published

2 years ago

April 23, 2023

Andrew Balaz

Last week was New Jersey week, tag team review, OverKill putting out a damn solid new album in Scorched, topped off nicely with Deonna Purrazzo and Steve Maclin winning their respective Impact Wrestling championship matches. But even with a geographical bias, don’t think I forgot about this album. Metallica is inarguably the largest metal band on Earth…even if they haven’t deserved that title for about 30 years. See this just goes to prove, if you put in a solid 10 years, you can coast the rest of the way.

I haven’t enjoyed an album from this band based on its musical merits since Load (1996) and that was more Bluesy Hard Rock than metal. So after trash can snares, wah pedal for days, only playing the pentatonic scale, skipping solos and being generally slow and boring since 2003…I have no hope for this album.

But hey, maybe I’ll be surprised; I doubt it…but maybe. Given the fact I’m not exactly hyped I think I’ll tweak how I do the reviews a bit since this is probably going to have a lot of long and drawn out pieces that make me want to bash my head into a wall.

Metallica is: James Hetfield (Rhythm Guitar & Lead Vocals), Kirk Hammett (Lead Guitar), Lar Ulrich (Drums), Rob Trujillo (Bass & Backing Vocals)

Artist: Metallica
Album: 72 Seasons (2023)
Label: Blackened Records
Total Track Time: 77: 14

They released the title track, and first track 72 Seasons as the last single before the album came out. Admittedly, it was almost okay, until it takes about 90 seconds to really start and then the whole song is just repetitive and boring. The only entertainment is how Lars’ cymbal taps remind me more of a coins stuck in the washing machine so it makes that annoying tinny sound for 7 minutes. So he upgraded from a trash can snare to about 35 cents stuck in the washing machine. A general criticism of this album is something they’ve been infamous for, more notably Post-St Anger, and that’s just long builds to nothing. Inflated intros, false endings where the beat essentially stops just to be brought back to life; and its not even a really great beat…its all mid tempo Dad Rock. The lyrics are also pretty inane honestly, its hard to believe that the same man who nearly made a song about SIDS, is going with this corny rhymes like grow and follow or fate and hate. These are like third grader spelling bee rhyme schemes.

This album also has a miserable consistency of tempo. Some people may find that a good thing, and in other albums I might agree. But when nearly every song is a crunchy mid tempo plod of down tuned bluesy licks I can’t help but start nodding off. I also never thought I’d say this about an old school Thrash band, but stop doing solos. Christ on a crutch, Kirk’s solos are terrible. Sleepwalk My Life Away is an accurate song for how this album feels, and not in a good way. They’re trying to capture a Black Sabbath kind of vibe but its just boring. You Must Burn! at least tries to be interesting, but its just a modification on the Sad But True riff. At least it tries and almost sounds like it belongs somewhere between Black Album era and Load. It took 25 minutes, but we finally have a tolerable song, though they do have one of those stupid staccato false finishes. If they ended it where the false finish was, it would’ve been much better (a lot like most wrestling matches in the last 15 years). They drag out a good 4 minute song, to being a schlog of a 7 minute song. If you’ve listened to any Metallica, you know they drag songs out, so this should surprise no one. If there was an award for turning 4 minute songs into 7+ minute wastes of time…Metallica would win that easily.

You know what, I did enjoy AJ’s little 3 highlight songs, so I think I’ll do that here. Assuming I can find three:

Lux Æterna – 3:25

I liked this song as soon as I heard it. It was their first single for the album and struck me as Hit the Lights but with more of a punk flavor. This does a great job at updating a Kill ‘Em All sound, making it unique, fun and not overstaying its welcome. It should also be pointed out, this is the shortest song on the entire album, the rest of the songs on the album are 4:30 or longer. Maybe people have said this album is like a fusion of Load and Kill ‘Em All, and this song encapsulates that nicely.

Chasing Light – 6:45

This feels like the inverse of The Unforgiven. Where Unforgiven talks about a boy who’s ignored, abused and torn down; this one takes more of a stance to help prop up the young boy to chase his light even through the darkness. So again, there’s some Black Album parallels in this album, but this song actually manages to stay fairly catchy throughout. Plus the chorus has a nice call and response section with the Lean on Me portion very easily being a crowd joins in situation. While its not overly profound, it does show the natural growth that comes with getting older and the understanding of needing assistance and motivation to get through the darkness.

Too Far Gone? – 4:33

Picks up the tempo a little with lyrics that focus more on isolation and potentially going to far in the distancing. Lyrically I suppose this is something people could be struggling with after the last few years the world has had, but they did something here that wasn’t present in the album leading up to it. They really turn into dual guitar harmonies and groove focused rock. So its still mid tempo, but its not that boring wannabe Black Sabbath that most of the album has been. Even Room of Mirrors gives us a small taste of a more rock oriented harmonic Metallica…and if they steered into that more, this would’ve been a better album.

So there we go, a few highlights, but this album is mostly what you expect after the last few albums. Its slow, plodding at times, solos that don’t seem to have any real soul and mid tempo throughout. If you are a mainstream fan and like their Black Album forward sound, you’ll probably be fine with this. The last song also being 11 minutes long is just dumb. I have nothing against good dynamic long songs like Octavarium by Dream Theater or Art of Life by X Japan. But when its not dynamic and more of this slower to mid tempo snore fest, I just can’t get behind that. Also I don’t want to hear anyone talk about their age as why they’re slower, we just did an OverKill review and they’re aggressive, last year’s Megadeth album The Sick, The Dying… and The Dead still had plenty of melodic thrash moments. Making excuses for whatever this album is, is purely fan bias and mental gymnastics.

There are some small glimmers of light, but for the most part this is mid or coma inducingly boring.

Final Judgment: 4.75/10

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Entertainment

Mitchell’s Hyrule Puro-Resu News Report! (4/10/25)

It’s gonna be May!

Published

2 weeks ago

April 10, 2025

Steven Mitchell

There’s been a slight change in the forecast…

There may not be a storm on the horizon, but when Wrestling Is Life, every day is unpredictable! What does HPW have planned for May Day?

HPW prepares for the storm ahead…

Blood & Thunder still beckons, and the Faces of Evil need to defend their HPW World Trios Championships. Therefore, Wrestling Is Life will see two qualifying trios matches! After the controversial nature of losing the titles at HyruleMania, Arrow Club is given a spot in these qualifiers. And they will be facing familiar foes in TSDQ! The Studly Don’t Quit, but will they make it through to ThunderStruck? As for the second qualifier, Los Taros Locos will return in hopes of stampeding up to the top of HPW, but they’ll be up against quite the mysterious team. Cia represents the OG Dark Forces expelled from the group, and she’ll bring her sister, Lana, with her!

But who is their third partner? They didn’t name them, so who could it be? Volga? Kevin Gibdo? Or even Wizzro? Will keeping it an unknown be the key to winning?

Igos du Ikana speaks.

From inside his shadowy throne room, The Ruler of Ruin looks at the HPW Death Mountain Championship on a pedestal. “The HPW Death Mountain Championship. A championship created not just to commemorate one of Hyrule’s greatest landmarks, but also to commemorate one of Hyrule’s greatest wrestling promotions. Death Mountain Wrestling was a vital part of wrestling history, where legends would pave the way for a new generation, and inspire many more. Not unlike Termina Championship Wrestling.”

Igos walks past the pedestal to look to a trophy case. Igos looks to his copy of the classic TCW Championship, and even of the High Noon Championship. There are also poster sized pictures of Igos’ greatest moments, such as the first time he won the TCW title, and the last time he held it while TCW was still active. Igos continues by saying, “I say this not because you don’t know. Of course you know this. I say this so that you might understand. I say this because I need you to understand. You have great aspirations, and strong ambition, but I don’t think you understand what you’re attempting to achieve.

“You stand at the foot of a mountain, it’s shadow upon you. That mountain’s name is legacy. You want to climb the mountain. You want to reach the top and plant your own flag at the summit. You want everyone to see you, to look up to you, to acknowledge you. But this climb is more challenging than you know. This climb is more challenging than you can handle. These belts may only be ten pounds, but they weigh so much more once you put them on. You are not ready for the climb. You are not ready to carry that weight. You are not ready to push yourself, step after step, inch after inch, as the mountain only grows steeper and steeper. And you never will be.

“So I tell you this not because you do not know. I tell you this so that you may understand. You must turn back now, find another path forward, before it is too late. Before you fall… to ruin.” It is clear who this message is for, but will young Yunobo heed this grizzled warrior’s warning?

HPW Deep Dive: Wisdom VS Power.

The Princess of Hyrule visits Hero of Hyrule, Link, now that he’s home from the hospital. He still needs bed rest, given everything Ganon did to him. He has bandages around his head, and his sister, Aryll, checks his stitches. 13 stitches all along the hairline. They’re holding well, no bleeding. Zelda sits with Link and holds his hand. She apologizes for what happened, but Link shakes his head. Aryll agrees, Zelda’s not to blame, Ganon and his Dark Forces are. They ruined her moment, they beat Link down, so they they have to be stopped. Ganon’s coming after the title anyway, so Zelda can get payback at the same time.

Ganon says, “Like I give a damn.” The Gerudo Ace lounges in his manor, The Dark Forces all around him. That now includes Shabonne & Tali, sporting new ensembles to reflect joining up. The Faces of Evil have their HPW World Trios Championships while Ganon has the Triforce Tournament trophy in hand. Ganon then mockingly says, “YoU dEsErVe It~! YoU dEsErVe It~!” Audio from the Triforce Anniversary event is interspliced here, as well as flashes of Zelda being emotional as she has the title belt put on.

“Isn’t it strange that Zelda takes the fall at HyruleMania, but I’m the one relegated to the tournament? And she clearly has that pointy eared little simp wrapped around her finger, or else he wouldn’t have even agreed to the match. But hey, what do I know? I only beat Link one-on-one in his first defense, then beat Zelda one-on-one in my first defense. I’m the Triple Crown Champion, I beat legends of TCW, and I’m this year’s Triforce Tournament winner. No one is more deserving of that title, of whatever title there is, than me! Isn’t that right?” The group all say, “Yeah!”

Ganon says, “The Dark Forces will be golden!” The group again shouts, “Yeah!” Ganon says, “The Dark Forces RUNS HPW!” The group again shouts, “YEAH!!” The Dark Forces all raise a glass to drink it up, while Link rests his head on Zelda’s shoulder and she rests her head on his. The Princess of Hyrule may reign, but will she fail to trump the Gerudo Ace? The countdown is on until May 1st, when Wrestling is Life!