Entertainment

Mitchell’s Hyrule Puro-Resu News Report! (5/1/23)

THUNDER!

Published

2 years ago

May 1, 2023

Steven Mitchell

Who will have the advantage at ThunderStruck?

Before there can be a battle for the HPW Trios Championships in Blood & Thunder, management must decide who has the tactical advantage!

HPW Management once again meets at HQ.

General Manager Nicolas Foolyere, President Starfish McMaguro and COO Humpback Hook Halibut are back in the boardroom to discuss ThunderStruck 2’s HPW Trios Championship Blood & Thunder Match of the UnderWorldOrder, Arrow Club and the Dames of the Dunes. Starfish says, “Controversy seems to follow these titles around.” Foolyere says it also seems to follow the uWo. Hook says with no time to have representatives battle it out, it falls to the three of them to decide. That in itself doesn’t really seem fair, does it? Foolyere says it wasn’t fair for the uWo to cheat in order to be champions, this is management restoring balance.

Starfish says in that case, who would Foolyere favor in granting the advantage to? Well, who else? The former champions who were cheated. Riju, Buliara & Tali lost the titles because instead of a fair 3v3, it turned into 5v3 with Hollywood ReDead and Ted Beedle Ossi interfering. Starfish sees that logic. In fact, with them already putting a ringside ban in effect during Kage VS Skull Kid, perhaps they should do the same for the Blood & Thunder match. Hook asks, “But isn’t that what the cage is for?” Well, how many times in Hook’s wrestling career did he see cages in cage matches be completely ineffective against interference? Hook admits that’s a good point.

Starfish says that since it’s already two votes for the Dames between herself and Foolyere, it’s decided. The Dames will be given the one-up advantage every round, but then comes the other side: who would have the disadvantage, aka have their members sent out last? Foolyere says that is also rather easy to figure out. The uWo should be punished for cheating, so they should have the disadvantage. Hook agrees with that, as clearly fines don’t matter with Beedle around, and suspending the uWo while they are the champions would mean having to vacate the titles, and that just creates “a huge mess we shouldn’t have to clean up.”

Starfish says, “Then it’s final. The order of entry for the Blood & Thunder match will be the Dames of the Dunes first, Arrow Club second, and the uWo last.” The teams will be notified, and the match can go on. Will having the advantage help Riju, Buliara & Tali regain the gold that was stolen from them? Will the uWo find a way to win with the odds stacked against them? Or will Bad Croc Scaly & The Young Ducks be back on top?

My Thoughts:

Had to put this one together as both a formality and a necessity. I didn’t really schedule out the Trios title build that well this time, and should’ve made it clear much sooner that we’d get Blood & Thunder 2. But I can only do so much, as I’m truly a one man show here.

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Entertainment

Mitchell’s Hyrule Puro-Resu News Report! (5/23/25)

What’s with all the glowing?

Published

1 week ago

May 23, 2025

Steven Mitchell

HPW Investigates: The Glowing Aura Phenomenon…

Riju, Sidon, Thunderbird, Donny B. Kool, Yunobo. Five stars of HPW have had powerful performances, but there’s something more to it… What is the reason behind this modern mystery? And could there be another?

Reviewing the timeline of events…

March 21st, the Triforce Tournament Bracket Finals

As the Gerudo Sisterhood was settling its grudge, Riju fought as hard as she could as the massive underdog against the Dame of the Dunes. Riju would survive heavy impact, begin to glow as she made her comeback, but Shabonne made sure she would lose the match. On that same night, we would see Sidon and Thunderbird each have their own moment where, after surviving heavy damage, they would begin to glow and make their comebacks. From there, Sidon and Thunderbird would win their way into the Triforce Tournament Finals at the Triforce Annivesary show.

April 1st, The Triforce Anniversary

Not only would we see Sidon & Thunderbird each bring out that same glowing energy, but Donny B. Kool would bring out that same phenomenon during the 21 Person Battle Royal. Donny held his own, but with that many opponents, winning was unlikely, and he was eliminated fifth-to-last.

May 1st, Wrestling Is Life

Yunobo won that 21 Person Battle Royal in April, and made his challenge for the HPW Death Mountain Championship. Igos du Ikana was as sharp as ever, but both men pushed each other to their limits. Yunobo powered through submissions and sharp strikes, bringing about the glowing aura, but Igos still won the match and retained the title.

So what might this all mean?

Five stars have been seen with glowing auras during the emotional heights of these matches. Or perhaps, the glowing auras are the results of these emotional heights? Could they be brought about by the “fighting spirit” within each one and in turn bring out new strength and energy? Each one of the five certainly seemed to “dig down deep” and fight like they were rising above mortal expectations.

Another detail that must be considered is the number of people who have presented this glowing aura phenomenon. Five people, with no connections between them: Riju the Gerudo; Sidon the Zora; Thunderbird the Ruto; Donny B. Kool the Gero; and Yunobo the Goron. Granted, they’re all young, and certainly leading this new generation forward. But the number itself is a point of focus. Needless to say that in Hyrule, three is the magic number, originating with the Triforce of legend. Therefore, multiples of three are also important. Five recorded phenomena, could this be a breaking of the norm? Or could there be a sixth?

Images flash on screen of the many faces on the HPW roster. Who could it be that enters the GAP?