Andrew’s TNA iMPACT! Results & Match Ratings: 8.29.2024

Okay, so tomorrow is Emergence, and the build has been…tepid at best. Awful inclusions on storylines like Kon, nonsensical pairings just to throw people together (looking at you Spitfire and Rosemary), The System looking inept, paint by numbers Ultimate X Qualifiers except for the Riley Osborne inclusion, Jonathan Gresham just forgetting The Octopus even happened, an Iron Man match born out of poor time management and a lack of logic, lastly capped off by two weeks of Joe Hendry just running in at the end of the show because they need to since he’s the most over person they have.

Ugh, just lazy bad booking and storytelling written by dyslexic nine year olds. Here’s to hoping the match quality can save this terrible build.

Ratings:

• X Division Championship: Speedball Mike Bailey (c) w/Trent Seven vs Rich Swann w/AJ Francis: Bailey retains via Collision Spanish Fly – ** 3/4
• Brian Myers w/The System vs Joe Hendry: Hendry wins via Standing Ovation – ** 1/2
• Eddie Edwards vs Mike Santana: Santana wins via Spin the Block – ***
• Hammerstone vs Eric Young: Hammer wins via Nightmare Pendulum – ** 1/4
• Cody Deaner & Jake Something vs The ABC (Chris Bey & Ace Austin): ABC wins via 1-2-Sweet – * 1/2
• TNA Knockouts World Championship: Match by Elegance: Jordynne Grace (c) vs ASH by Elegance: ** 3/4

Results:

X Division Championship: Speedball Mike Bailey (c) w/Trent Seven vs Rich Swann w/AJ Francis

Arm Wringer chain wrestling open until Rich breaks the wringer, then they go for the fast back and forth Indie-Riffic rope runs into the dumb Mirrored Dropkick spot. Bailey is dumb, goes to shake hands, eats a Tilt-a-Whirl Frankensteiner, then Bailey turns things around and hits his own sliding Frankensteiner to the outside. Rich throws Bailey to the side and almost into AJ, who Bailey stops and makes it obvious he doesn’t want any, which opens him up to a flurry from Rich and a Running Senton off the apron. They head back in, Rich connects on a grounded strikes, then a Dragon Screw but Bailey fights through it, does the Crane Pose and connects on the kick to Rich. A little back and forth, Bailey shoots Rich into the corner, goes for the Tornado Kick but Rich moves, lights up Bailey with kicks of his own and then a Scorpion Deathdrop for two. Rich goes to the top for his 450, Bailey stops him, Sunset attempt, Bailey rolls through, they trade missed kicks but after a few attempts they both go for a Corkscrew Jump Kick and knock each other down. After a few seconds of selling, they both Kip Up, Bailey sends Rich to the outside, hits the Golden Triangle Moonsault, tries to send Rich back in but Rich does a Back Handspring off the apron into a Lethal Injection.

Bailey gets thrown back in, Rich hits the First Class Splash, but Bailey kicks out. Bailey sweeps the leg, Backflip Knees, throws Rich to the corner, hits the Tornado Kick and goes for Ultima Weapon. AJ distracts him, Trent starts fighting with AJ on the outside, Bailey goes for Ultima Weapon but took too long and Rich moves. La Magistral Cradle for 2, Rich shoots off Bailey, Bailey tries a Back Handspring but misses and Rich hits a Lethal Injection. This time Rich goes to the top, and he gets distracted by Trent and AJ still fighting, this time because Trent gets the advantage, Rich tries the Moonsault and misses long, Bailey is up, Rich runs forwards, Collision Spanish Fly from Bailey for the win!

Brian Myers w/The System vs Joe Hendry

Couple quick spots, Hendry does the Samoa Joe Walk Away from Brian’s Crossbody, hits the Stalling Suplex, and is in complete control. Hendry knocks Myers to the outside, Eddie tries to hit him, Hendry counters and clocks Eddie. Lish then tries to slap Hendry but he grabs her arm and the ref walks out, wags his finger and ejects them both. But it bought Myers enough time to recover, attack Hendry and drive him into the apron. We get…a…commercial break cut on YouTube…what is up with these last few tapings have built in cuts even for YouTube? They used to do everything as picture in picture for the AXS viewers or AXS would go to commercial and we’d get an uninterrupted match.

So when we get back from the unnecessary cut, Myers is still in slow control of Hendry, Headlocks and a few well placed kicks, but Hendry isn’t done yet. More classic slow heel stuff, Headlocks, Side Slam, Myers tries the Roster Cut but Hendry counters with a Pop-Up Cutter. Right hands, Flying Back Elbows, then Myers’ launches himself and Hendry catches him and hits the Sack of Shit followed by the Kip Up. Clothesline as Myers gets to his feet, Standing Ovation, and its over.

So of course Eddie hits the ring after to clip Hendry, Santana’s music hits and they just decide to start the match. I’ll admit, it’s been a minute since they’ve done a rolling match start…so I’m not mad at it.

Eddie Edwards vs Mike Santana

Eddie gets the early advantage, a few Chops, but then Santana levels Eddie with his own Chop and then a 10 Count Punches in the corner followed by a Lariat. Eddie goes after Santana’s knee with a few kicks, a chop, throws Santana to the ropes but Santana holds the ropes, dumps out Eddie and Lish shows up. Santana goes to follow Eddie and Eddie uses Lish as a shield to eventually find an angle to Blue Thunder Bomb Santana into the Apron. Eddie walks back into the ring and distracts the referee for Lish to get in a kick to the ribs and drag her fake nails down his back. Eddie hits a quick Knee Lift and goes for back to back to back cover attempts but Santana of course kicks out.

Santana tries to fight back, but Eddie cuts him off and then kicks him in the back where the nail marks are very visible and then Eddie does his own Back Rake. Santana starts to fire back, a few quick shot, toe of the boot Gamengiri in the corner, Eddie tries to cut him off going to the ropes and fails; eating a Rolling Buck Fifty for his troubles. Both men trade move attempts, but Santana gets the best of things, Outline in Chalk into a Sliding Dropkick to the face. Eddie powders and eats a Tope con Hilo, Santana throws Eddie back in and hits the Frog Splash…but it’s only 2! Spin the Block attempt, counter from Eddie, the work to the corner, Santana hits a Back Elbow, goes for the Rolling Buck Fifty but gets countered into a Blue Thunder Bomb for two. Eddie sets up for the Tiger Driver, Santana blocks, reverses into a Cradle, Pump Kick from Santana, rope run into a Pop-Up and lets him fall. Tiger Driver connects for two! Eddie removes the elbow pad, clocks Santana but he continues to kick out! Eddie trying to set up for the Knee Party, Santana spits on Eddie, Knees to the chest from Eddie, puts the Knee Pad Down, Santana tells him to bring it…Knee Party attempt but Santana rolls away! Spin the Block counter, Lariat counter, Eddie hits the ropes and Santana hits the Spin the Block! Santana wins!

https://x.com/i/status/1829321738913452131

Hammerstone vs Eric Young

Uninteresting start, so much so, that they cut to Maclin at commentary a few times while it’s just Arm Drags and Should Blocks for the most part. Things finally get fun when EY does his Flair Flip corner spot and Hammerstone just runs forward  and Big Boots EY right in the face and sends him flying. Hammerstone chucks EY on the outside and onto Maclin’s feet, Hammer waits to see hot Maclin responds before throwing EY back in and continuing to beatdown on him with the classic small of the back Forearm Shots. Hammer tries it three times, which is one time to many, and EY starts his comeback. Nothing flashy just punches punctuated with a Death Valley Driver. EY goes for the Piledriver, Hammer fights it off and smashes EY’s face into his knee, shoot him off, hits a Power Slam! Tries the Torture Rack but EY slips it, eats a Sitout Powerbomb for 2. Hammer shoots him into the corner, EY does the Flair Flip again, Hammer goes for the Big Boot again but EY expected it, hangs up Hammer and pops him.

EY and Maclin have words while on the outside, EY takes too long going to the top for the Macho Elbow, Hammer gets up so EY bails on the move and then eats a Claymore into a Nightmare Pendulum for the win!

Meh, a filler feud where Hammer obviously needed the win for momentum going into an Ultimate X match…and with Maclin on commentary, it was definitely not surprising. 

Cody Deaner & Jake Something vs The ABC (Chris Bey & Ace Austin)

I hate Cody, so damn much, and this poll the audience is cringe. Thankfully Jake cuts him off, says the people don’t matter and its about proving themselves in the tag division. So here’s to hoping that Deaner eats the pin and Jake throws him into the atmosphere never to be seen again.

Ace and Jake start, Jake mauls Ace into a corner, Ace tries to slip the Buckle Bomb but Jake’s athleticism allows him to keep up with Ace, deadlift him and Buckle Bomb him for fun, tagging out to Cody. Cody doesn’t immediately screw up, gets in some offense and tags back to Jake. So a little quick tagging is nice to see, and as soon as I say it, Cody is tagged back in with Jake slamming Cody into Ace. Oh there we go, Cody loses control, Ace rolls through and tags in Bey. Bey mollywops Cody, takes the opportunistic shot on Jake to keep the offense on Cody. Jake recovers, and gets involved, Bey fights it off a little but eventually eats a right hand. Ace comes in, they try and double team Jake with a Meeting in the Middle style of move, but ABC crash into each other, Jake directs traffic and Cody flies at The ABC.

Jakes is low bridged, then double teamed on the apron eating the Face Buster from Ace, tagging in Ace, 1-2-Sweet and Cody eats the pin to no one’s surprise cause he sucks.

First Cla$$ attacks ABC, which makes sense. Jake just glares at the situation in the ring and doesn’t get involved, just slowly walks up the ramp. So the Tag Titles will probably be on the line tomorrow. 

TNA Knockouts World Championship: Match by Elegance: Jordynne Grace (c) vs ASH by Elegance

ASH attacks Jordynne with her bright pink Barbie Chair before the bell, chairshot into Bulldog on the chair, for a 1. ASH throws in a trash can with pink and white boas around them, ASH ducks a Lariat, Knee Lift from ASH. ASH tries to go to the top, Jordynne cuts her off, Headbutts a few times, Suplexes her onto a standing trash can and then hits the Senton on ASH while she’s draped on the trash can. ASH powders, finds a pink trash can lid and hits Jordynne a few times. The crowd chants we want tables, ASH lifts the ring skirt, acts like she’s gonna grab a table but gives the crowd an elegant “Suck It” – very mindful, very cutesy, very demure.

Tilt-a-Whirl DDT from ASH right on the trash can lid for only 1! ASH is frustrated, but Jordynne starts to come back, grabs a kendo stick and lights up ASH. Jordynne finds a table as the crowd rejoices. The personal concierge gets a can of elegant hair spray and sprays Jordynne in the face after she set up the table. They find a table cloth for the table, but take too long setting up the elegant and demure spot. Jordynne gets up, cuts off ASH and tries to Superplex ASH, but the concierge hands her Bejeweled Knuckles, Jordynne gets clocked, rocked, but when ASH goes for the Crossbody Jordynne catches her, World’s Strongest Slam into Vader Bomb for 2! Jordynne finds a shaker and finds diamonds! Well…diamonds are a girl’s best friend. Jordynne goes for a Scoop Slam into the Diamonds, ASH slips it, Drop Toe Hold into a chair, then she hits Jordynne with the $3,000 bottle of champagne, but only for 2!

ASH chokes out Jordynne with the a wreath of roses, concierge tries to attack Jordynne with stilettos but Rosemary creeps up, scares off the concierge, Spears ASH and then chases after the concierge. Jordynne looks for the Juggernaut Driver, but Lish and Masha come down. Lish is dismissed, Masha hits a Package Piledriver on the Diamonds, but only for 2! Spitfire show up to even the odds, take out DeMalish, ASH tries to Sabu Jordynne and it fails, Jordynne clocks ASH, Kinniku Buster through the table for the win.

Fun enough, just a over booked, a little dumb and not really a surprise.

The last 10 minutes of the show is an interview segment between Nemeth and Josh. I don’t really see the point with this, there’s no heat to add. Josh is playing delusional and disgruntled who feels entitled and Nemeth is doing the babyface “fighting champion” thing. Nemeth makes a solid point in general about wrestling being a “what have you done for me lately” business and not a check the history books style of business. Nemeth proves his still a great promo, but there’s not really a ton of meat on this bone. 

Overall Score: 6.25/10

Well the match quality was definitely nothing to write home about, but I guess it set up the PLE well enough if you only watch Go Homes and big show.

But the fact that the main heel stable and the Knockouts tag and singles champs are in multiperson trash bag matches tomorrow, kinda hard to make the show feel important. Sure Nemeth cut a great promo, but there was no heat to add to the interaction, it’s an ironman match and we all already anticipated it will probably be a very good wrestling match…but that’s all it is. Ultimate X is a spectacle, unless Wentz, Hammer or Riley Osborne win the match, I can’t really see to many reasons to get excited when this show really feels like a burp that’s stuck in your chest and going nowhere.

Like I said after Slammiversary, TNA has a problem with all of the main belt holders being babyfaces (Knockouts Tag isn’t a real title, stop it). And if I’m being honest, the only one I could see changing is the X Division because First Cla$$ is getting a little stale already, Ultimate X is enough of an unpredictable gimmick match that anything can happen, and with how the framing of the Nemeth and Alexander angle has been fumbled…it would be embarrassing for Nemeth to lose and make you wonder why you even put it on him in the first place. Victory Road is only 2 weeks after Emergence, so there could always be some hot potato shenanigans…but I really hope the Iron Man match and Cardona’s surprise monster are big enough payoffs to make the show worth staying awake through.