The Legend of Zelda: The Ring of Destiny, Chapter 64

HPW Fyter Feast is about to stuff you full of action! Death Mountain Qualifier, Million Rupee Roulette, and the first-ever Championship Charcuterie! Will this night earn five stars?

OFFICIAL RESULTS

• HPW Death Mountain Championship Qualifier: Ralph VS Ghirahim VS Militron VS Igos du Ikana VS Dark Hammer VS Grim Creeper; Hammer loses and the rest advance to HyruleMania 5.
• Million Rupee Championship Wrestling Roulette Casket Match: Kevin Gibdo VS Scaldera; Kevin wins and retains the title.
• Championship Charcuterie: Link VS Thunderbird VS Osphala VS Ladrona VS Fin Balure VS Mack Quackson VS Rick Quackson; Fin wins and earns the all-you-can-eat dinner for two at Conundrum.

PLAY BY PLAY

HPW and HXS TV set the scene!

Anyone hungry? How’s your appetite for destruction? Because tonight, you’ll have a buffet of brutality to choose from as Fyter Feast is about to get cooking! The SEVEN champions of HPW will be in one match! No titles on the line, but a fabulous prize awaits the winner. Will it be Link, Thunderbird, Osphala, Ladrona or a member of Arrow Club that wins a date to Conundrum? Plus, we will once again spin the wheel and make the deal in Wrestling Roulette! Kevin Gibdo knows the UnderWorld Order wants their Million Rupee Championship back, and Scaldera is looking to make Kevin into a roasted Gibdo! What dish of destiny awaits?

But first, the opening course will be more about the loser than the winner! Six stars that stood out during the Clash of Fates will now battle to earn spots at HyruleMania’s traditional Death Mountain Championship ladder match, and the one who loses must watch from home! HPW Fyter Feast in the North Akkala Valley starts now!

HPW Death Mountain Championship Qualifier: Ralph VS Ghirahim VS Militron VS Igos du Ikana VS Dark Hammer VS Grim Creeper!

The Lad from Labrynna, the Living Blade, the Armored Annihilator, the Ruler of Ruin, the Doombringer’s #Bulkzilla and the UnderWorld Order’s underhanded underling are the lucky six chosen from the 31 flavors that didn’t win this year’s Hyrule Warriors match. And now, one will be crossed off the HyruleMania menu! Who will taste bitter defeat to open Fyter Feast?

The bell rings and the six watch each other. Then Ghirahim throws hands on Igos! Ralph runs up on Militron and Hammer chases Creeper. Creeper bails out of the ring and Hammer pursues. Militron shoves Ralph away, but then Ralph dodges a lariat. Ralph comes back to DROPKICK, but Militron stays up! Militron runs at Ralph but Ralph DUMPS him out of the ring! Ralph then aims to TORNILLO PLANCHA! Down goes Militron and the fans fire up! Igos dodges a shot from Ghirahim to KICK a leg! Igos starts up the strike fest, but Ghirahim avoids the knee thrust! Ghirahim CHOPS Igos, but Igos spins through to ROCK Ghirahim!

Creeper slips back into the ring, and he stomps Hammer as Hammer slides in. Creeper drops an elbow on Hammer’s back, then throws in elbows and knees. Hammer rolls under the bottom rope but Creeper stomps him on the apron. Ralph slingshots over the ropes to DDT Creeper! Cover, but Hammer CLUBS Ralph! The fans rally, and Hammer drags Ralph up. Hammer TOSSES Ralph to a corner, Militron gets on the apron, but Hammer DECKS Militron! Igos BOOTS Hammer into the same corner as Ralph! Ghirahim runs at Igos but Igos sends him into Hammer and Ralph! Igos SOBATS Ghirahim, ROCKS Hammer, and ROUNDHOUSES Ralph!

The fans fire up as Igos is the only one standing! But Creeper is creeping, and he CLUBS Igos from behind! Igos stumbles forward, Creeper stalks behind him, and Creeper puts Igos in a corner. Creeper stomps a mudhole in, then digs his boots in. Igos grabs at Creeper but can’t reach him, and Creeper doesn’t have to stop because there’s no disqualifications! Hammer reels Creeper in for a BIG back suplex! Cover, Ralph breaks it! Ralph gets payback, and he kicks Hammer to ropes. Militron is back, Ralph runs up, but Militron FLAPJACKS him! Militron and Hammer both stand up, and the fans fire up as these two stare down.

Militron pushes Hammer, but Hammer pushes back! The two RAM shoulders, and RAM, and RAM! They egg each other on, then they start throwing haymakers! Militron gets the edge, then winds up, but Hammer CLUBS the lariat away! Militron spins to ELBOW Hammer! Militron runs, but Hammer CLOBBERS Militron! Ghirahim returns to JUMP KNEE Hammer! Igos JUMP KNEES Ghirahim! Hammer rebounds to SHOULDER TACKLE Igos! Ralph ROLLING NECKBREAKERS Hammer! Creeper has a chair! He JAMS Ralph, then SMACKS him on the back! The fans boo but again, no disqualifications.

Creeper SMACKS Hammer on the back, SMACKS Militron on the back, then SMACKS Igos on the back! Creeper is all fired up but the fans boo. But then everyone else gets up and they all glare at Creeper! The fans fire up as Creeper turns around to see how deeply in trouble he is. Igos BOOTS Creeper, Ralph URAKENS, Hammer HEADBUTTS, and then Militron reels Creeper in, suplex to PILEDRIVER!! Creeper sputters away from taking the “Impact Driver,” but now that leaves the others standing tall. Militron ROCKS Hammer, Ralph URAKENS Militron! Igos hits Ralph with ELEGY OF THE END! Cover, HIDDEN BLADE from Ghirahim!!

Ghirahim hurries to cover Igos, but Hammer SPLASHES DOWN on them! The fans fire up, and then Hammer drags Ghirahim up in a waistlock! GERMAN SUPLEX! Ghirahim flounders away, and Militron BODY CHECKS Hammer! Militron drags Hammer up to a fireman’s carry, for a WIDOWMAKER!! Cover, Hammer LOSES!

Loser: Darkhammer, by pinfall (Ralph, Ghirahim, Militron, Igos du Ikana & Grim Creeper advance)

No doom will be brought to HyruleMania, and Militron has the momentum! Will this Face of Evil soon stand atop Death Mountain? Or did this match show Thunderbird all he needs to know to stay on top?

Backstage interview with Zelda.

Seres is with the Princess of Hyrule and congratulates her on, well, not winning this year’s Hyrule Warriors match, but managing the first ever draw in a Hyrule Warriors match. That means she will still challenge for the Undisputed Triforce World Championship at HyruleMania 5. Zelda thanks Seres, and says this isn’t really the result she wanted, but it’s a lot better than Ganon winning outright and her missing out on the title match entirely. Seres notes it is rather serendipitous that the title match is a Triple Threat, just like the first time a Triforce Champion was crowned. Zelda says yes, that’s certainly a twist of fate.

Well, that will be HyruleMania’s main event. How is Zelda feeling about tonight’s main event? Zelda asks back, “What about it?” Well, surely she’ll be cheering Link on so that they can go to Conundrum for dinner. W-What? Why would she care if she goes to dinner somewhere with Link? Oh, well, Seres just thought- Thought what? That they’re dating? That if Link wins that dinner reservation, he’d take her there? Okay, sure, they’ve gone out to eat together, but not on dates. And sometimes, it wasn’t just the two of them, his sister would come along. Zelda doesn’t care if he wins that prize or not.

Well, it’s not that she doesn’t care if he wins. She doesn’t want him to lose, either. There are seven people in the match, he might not even be in the decision. So then, if Link wins, and if he were to ask her, would she accept the invitation? Zelda’s a bit hesitant, but she stammers out a “Maybe.” It’d be free food, and who says no to free food? Seres says that’s a good point. Seres wishes Zelda good luck on her date, but then instantly regrets saying that. Zelda blushes and says it won’t be a date. Zelda’s flustered and just storms off, how will Championship Charcuterie affect the relationship of princess and hero?

Million Rupee Championship Wrestling Roulette: Kevin Gibdo VS Scaldera!

The Gibdo of All Gibdos and The Burning Abomination have gone back and forth in their blood feud, and now they fight for The UnderWorld Order’s most valued possession! But with the gold comes the gamble! Time to spin the wheel and make the deal! And for this match, the wheel chooses… CASKET MATCH! Scaldera is at first frightened, as he was sealed away in a casket before. But will he get to return the favor now?

The introductions are made, the belt is raised, and we see who closes the lid on this rivalry!

The bell rings, the fans rally up, and the two monsters feel things out. They tie up, Kevin headlocks but Scaldera throws body shots. Kevin is already bringing Scaldera towards the casket side of the ring! Scaldera powers out, and hurries away, definitely still traumatized by the casket. The two tie up again, and Kevin again headlocks. Scaldera powers up and out, but Kevin runs him over! Things keep moving, Kevin blocks a hip toss to hip toss back! Then he arm-drags! Kevin is throwing his weight around, or rather throwing Scaldera’s weight around, and again powers him towards the casket! Scaldera pushes against the ropes!

The fans rally but Scaldera slips around to slip free. Scaldera wants this to stop but it can’t until someone goes into the casket. Scaldera headlocks now, but Kevin powers up and out. Scaldera runs Kevin over, but Kevin’s right up. The two tie up again, and Scaldera headlocks again. Kevin powers up and out, but Scaldera runs him over! Scaldera runs up but Kevin trips him! Kevin drops an elbow on Scaldera’s leg, then turns him over to a HALF CRAB! Scaldera endures, goes for ropes, but he’s also near the casket! Pain and fear fight in the mind of Scaldera, and he crawls under the bottom rope to scrape Kevin off him!

Scaldera scrambles away, the fans taunt him with, “Scaredy Cat! Scaredy Cat!” Scaldera walks away, but Kevin storms out after him! Kevin catches up to Scaldera, turns him around, and knees him down low! The fans cheer and Kevin whips Scaldera. Scaldera reverses and Kevin hits the side of the casket! Kevin slumps down, Scaldera beats him down with fists and stomps! Scaldera throws fast hands, then SMACKS Kevin off the lid! Kevin sputters but Scaldera stands him up. Scaldera says let’s see how you like it! He SMACKS Kevin off the lid again! Scaldera pushes Kevin into the ring, then storms in after.

Scaldera throws more hands, taunts Kevin, then fires more hands in the corner. The fans boo but Scaldera soaks up the heat. Scaldera stomps Kevin, his confidence returning. The fans rally for Kevin, Scaldera says shut up, and he fires more hands. Scaldera roars, gets right in Kevin’s face and says this is the UnderWorld Order’s world! But Kevin jumps up for a TRIANGLE HOLD! Scaldera can only suffer as Kevin uses ropes for leverage! Scaldera fades, and Kevin drags him down to the mat! The fans fire up as Kevin squeezes the air out of Scaldera! But wait, Hollywood ReDead rushes out here! ReDead gets in the ring to stomp away on Kevin!

The fans boo but ReDead can do this under No Disqualifications. ReDead stomps away on the ropes, then roars, “I’m THE MAAAN!” ReDead whips Kevin to LARIAT him down! The ref reprimands but that’s all he can do. ReDead stands Scaldera up, they fire up and then bring Kevin up. DOUBLE SUPLEX! Scaldera drops an ELBOW, ReDead drops an ELBOW! The uWo drag Kevin over and want the casket to open! The casket opens, and VOLGA is inside! The Dragon Knight rushes out of the casket, he must’ve known the uWo would pull this! The fans fire up as Volga fires hands and kicks on ReDead & Scaldera!

Volga fires a strike fest, then a WHEEL KICK on Scaldera! Then he fires strikes on ReDead! ReDead shoves Volga  away but Volga runs back up to CROSSBODY ReDead up and out! The fans fire up as ReDead scrambles away into the crowd, Volga giving chase! But back at ringside, Scaldera is pushing the casket away from ringside. Scaldera doesn’t want to touch it but he doesn’t want it ringside anymore. But wait! Kevin is back up and he SMACKS Scaldera off the lid! Kevin whips, Scaldera reverses, Kevin hits steel steps, legs first! Kevin takes a tumble, but Scaldera starts ripping up floor mats!

The fans boo again but Scaldera is going past safe restrictions! Scaldera SMACKS Kevin off the steps, SMACKS him off the apron, then rains down hands. Kevin sputters, and Scaldera goes back to the casket. No one else is in there, so Scalder takes aim! Scaldera runs up to RAM Kevin into the apron! Kevin sputters on the floor while fans lose their minds. Scladera stomps Kevin, drags him up, and puts him in the ring. The refs make sure the casket is still in one piece, but Scaldera clamps onto Kevin with a COBRA CLUTCH! Kevin endures as Scaldera thrashes him around! The fans rally but Kevin’s already fading!

The casket opens, Scaldera works to roll Kevin in! Kevin is in, Scaldera grabs the lid, but Kevin sticks his arm out! Scaldera slaps at the arm but Kevin still grabs at him! Kevin then fights with both hands to get out of the casket! The fans fire up as now Kevin drags Scaldera off apron and into the casket! Kevin rains down fists, then goes to the apron. GUILLOTINE LEG DROP slams the lid on Scaldera’s back!! The fans lose their minds all over again while Scaldera is stuck half in and half out. Kevin drags Scaldera out of the casket to top this off! Choke grip, but Scaldera HEADBUTTS back! Scaldera runs up to fire hands!

Scaldera whips corner to corner hard! But Kevin BOOTS back! Kevin runs, but into a CYCLONE KICK!! Cover out of instinct but Scaldera remembers, this is a Casket Match, not No Disqualifications! Scaldera is frustrated, and he drags Kevin over. The casket is open again, and Scaldera pushes Kevin back in. Scaldera grabs the lid again, but now Kevin grabs Scaldera! The fans fire up as Kevin throws hands again! Kevin rises up, ELBOWS Scaldera, but Scaldera hits back! They brawl with big haymakers and the fans fire up! Kevin whips, Scaldera reverses, but Kevin hits a RUNNING DDT! Kevin aims and the fans fire up!

Scaldera rises, Kevin has the choke grip! CHOKE SLAM! Scaldera sputters but the fans want more! Kevin slashes his throat and he watches Scaldera stumble. Kevin scoops, positions Scaldera, TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER!! The casket opens, Kevin rolls Scaldera, and stomps him into the casket for good measure. Kevin slams the lid shut and wins!

Winner: Kevin Gibdo (still Million Rupee Champion)

ReDead, Death Sword, Gomess, and now Scaldera, the uWo is running out of chances to get their belt back! Will they ever- Wait, the lights go down? The fans have a little freakout, but when the lights come back, IT’S MAJORA! Kevin turns around in time for the TORPEDO MAJORA!! The fans boo as Majora stoops over Kevin, looking down at him. Then, Majora slowly looks over to the Million Rupee Championship. He slowly steps over to the belt, then picks it up. Majora slowly looks up at the camera, then stands up tall to hold the belt over his head. Majora may not always show up, but he is a member of the uWo. Will Majora be the one to bring this belt back to the UnderWorld Order?

Backstage interview with Ganon.

Seres is now with the Gerudo Ace and congratulates him on his part in the first-ever double win in the Hyrule Warriors match. Ganon thanks her, but she does have to point out the controversy of how he took Harlequin’s spot in the match. She also wants to know how it is that Ganon has the Faces of Evil under his command when he also leads The Dark Forces. Ganon says it’s been a whole month, did she not put two and two together? The Faces of Evil and The Dark Forces are now one faction. A super faction, even! Harlequin was more than happy to hand that spot in the match to Ganon, because you always bet on the Gerudo Ace.

As for the Triforce World Championship, Ganon couldn’t be happier that it’s now a Triple Threat! And a Triple Threat of him, Zelda, and Link. Call it fate, call it karma, but Ganon is more than ready to redeem himself from that very first Triforce Championship match. Sure, he held the title later that year, but he still wants to right the wrong of April 1st, 2020. He’ll gladly powerbomb Zelda through a table again, and then he’ll make sure to kick “her little boyfriend” right in the head. What better way to ring in the new year than with a new world champion, huh? And you can bet he’ll be partying like it’s 1999 after that!

And really, neither Link or Zelda should feel bad about it, because at least they’ll have each other. Ganon grins and leaves, but will he really make up for his past failure? Or will history have a way of repeating itself?

Championship Charcuterie: Link VS Thunderbird VS Osphala VS Ladrona VS Fin Balure VS Mack Quackson VS Rick Quackson!

For the first time in HPW history, all SEVEN champions are in action at once! And for the first time in HPW history, there will be a prize that isn’t a championship! Only one person can win the all-you-can-eat dinner for two, so who will taste sweet, sweet victory while the others feast on defeat?

This may be every person for themselves, but Arrow Club still enters all together. The fans are already rowdy before the bell, dueling over their favorites. The bell rings and the seven all watch each other closely. Ladrona bails out right as the HPW World Trios Champions brawl with Link, Osphala and Thunderbird! The fans fire up while Fin puts Link in a corner, Mack puts Osphala in another, and Rick puts Thunderbird in a third. They all climb up onto the corners and fire the fans up, only for Link, Osphala and Thunderbird to all trip them up! Link whips Fin corner to corner but so do Osphala and Thunderbird with The Young Ducks.

Fin passes between The Ducks before the Ducks dosido with each other. Osphala and Thunderbird each dodge The Ducks, sending them into buckles. Link runs corner to corner at Fin, but Fin goes up and out to the apron. Link hits buckles, Fin GAMANGIRIS Link! Thunderbird hits a SPLASH on Rick while Osphala hits a SHINING WIZARD on Mack! Then they each BULLDOG the Ducks down! Osphala and Thunderbird stare down as they stand up, but Link stumbles over. Osphala and Thunderbird DOUBLE HIP TOSS Link down! Ladrona YANKS Fin off the apron! Ladrona RAMS Fin into railing then hurries away.

Osphala is distracted by that, and Thunderbird rolls him up! TWO, and both men hurry to their feet. Osphala swings but Thunderbird ducks it to run and springboard, FLYING ARM-DRAG! Osphala tumbles and Ladrona drags him out of the ring! Ladrona sends him into railing, then runs away again. Thunderbird is confused, but the Ducks are up. They both kick Thunderbird low and double whip, but Thunderbird springboards to QUEBRADA! Both Ducks go down and the fans fire up! And then Ladrona rolls Thunderbird up! TWO, the fans fire up as Ladrona dodges Thunderbird, and she WRECKS Fin with a dropkick!

Fin tumbles to the ramp, Ladrona dodges Thunderbird again, and she WRECKS Osphala with a dropkick! Osphala hits the commentary desk, Thunderbird runs up on Ladrona, slingshot ARM-DRAG! Ladrona tumbles, Link is up but Thunderbird dodges him. Thunderbird comes back, tilt-o-whirls and RANAS Link! Link tumbles to a corner, Thunderbird runs up, but Link stops the monkey flip to put Thunderbird up top. Thunderbird BOOTS Link away, then jumps up to the top rope! CROSSBODY! Down goes Link but Thunderbird bounces off the cover! Fin is back to run up and CHOP Thunderbird!

Fin CHOPS Thunderbird to the corner, whips him corner to corner, but then Osphala runs in to FLYING FOREARM Fin! Osphala covers Fin, TWO! Thunderbird runs up to DOUBLE SHOTGUN Fin and Osphala! Thunderbird covers Fin but both Ducks break it! The Ducks mug Thunderbird, then toss him out of the ring. Link is up, he blocks Rick’s superkick and hands it off to Mack. Link then HOOK SHOTS Rick! Mack SUPERKICKS Link! Link rebounds but Mack blocks his superkick! Rick SUPERKICKS Link! Link falls, Mack goes for the legs, Osphala rolls up Rick! Mack sees that, Link BOOTS Mack into Osphala’s cover!

The fans are thunderous as Link hurries to his feet. Link rushes Osphala but Osphala dodges. Osphala takes a swing but Link dodges! Osphala ducks the Hook Shot to URAKEN Link! Link ROLLING ELBOWS Osphala! The Ducks DOUBLE SUPERKICK Osphala and Link! Mack covers Link while Rick covers Osphala, referee Tiger Sahasrahla counts them both! TWO!! The fans are thunderous while The Ducks are furious! Ladrona gets on the apron, the Ducks DOUBLE SUPERKICK her down! Thunderbird gets up on the other side, Mack handsprings to headscissor and hold him in place for Rick’s DROPKICK!

Fin is up, The Ducks almost superkick him but hold back. There’s a bit of tension and the fans eat it up. Fin says hold on now, fellas, they’re Arrow Club. The Ducks look to each other, then look to Fin. Mack asks who Fin’s taking to Conundrum. Uh… R-Ruto… The Ducks look at each other again, and then they DOUBLE SUPERKICK Fin! Rick covers and Mack plays defense, TWO! Fin stays in this but The Ducks push Fin out of the ring. The Ducks find themselves alone in the ring, and they eye each other with suspicion. Well, now that they think of it… Who are The Ducks taking to Conundrum?

The Ducks decide that on the count of three, they’ll reveal who they’re taking. One, two, three! Rick says “You!” but Mack says “My girlfriend!” Rick says, “What?!” Mack says, “What?” Rick says Mack was supposed to choose Rick! They’re brothers for crying out loud! Mack says his girlfriend has always liked Conundrum, it’s her dream destination! Rick shoves Mack, Mack shoves Rick! Osphala dragon sleepers Rick, kicks Mack, and then reels Mack in, DOUBLE DDT COMBO! Cover on Rick, TWO! Cover on Mack, TWO! Osphala is frustrated, but then Thunderbird runs in! Thunderbird ducks Osphala’s lariat to handspring and NEURALIZER KICK!

Ladrona is back and she SHOVES Thunderbird out of the ring! Ladrona hurries to reel Osphala in for the PICKPOCKET CRADLE! TWO!! The Thief Girl almost stole one! Osphala kicks Ladrona, reels her in, SAND ROD!! Cover, The Ducks both break it! Rick HAMMERS away on Osphala, but Mack sneaks to cover Ladrona! Rick hears the count so he hurries to break it! Mack and Rick argue, and Mack says okay, okay, hold on. Mack agrees that if one of The Ducks win, they just take each other. Rick says, “Thank you!” They shake hands on it, but then Fin shoves Rick into Mack! They go to ropes, Mack tumbles out and Fin O’Conner Rolls Rick! TWO!!

Rick staggers to his feet, Fin kicks low and reels him in! DEPTH CHARGE! Cover, Mack breaks it! Mack drags Fin up and calls to Rick. Rick shakes his head and gets to his feet. Mack tells Rick to go to the apron. Rick does as told and Mack scoops Fin. But Thunderbird YANKS Rick down! Fin victory rolls Mack! TWO, Thunderbird trips Mack and drags him out! Thunderbird kicks Mack low to then snap suplex him onto Rick! Fin FLIES out onto Thunderbird! The fans are thunderous again and Fin puts Thunderbird in the ring. Thunderbird’s in a drop zone so Fin goes up a corner! COUP DE GRACE! But Ladrona then DROPKICK SENTON COMBOS!

Fin hits buckles, Ladrona covers Thunderbird, TWO! Ladrona almost snatches this one again, but then she drags Fin up from the corner to MONKEY FLIP! Ladrona rolls back, drags Fin around, and then drags him into a KOJI KLUTCH!! Or as she calls it, the DEN OF THIEVES!! Fin flails, but then someone rushes in from the crowd!? IT’S RUTO!! Ruto gets in the ring and she CLOBBERS Ladrona! Fin is free, Ruto drags Ladrona up and shouts, “I’m kicking your ass at HyruleMania! But for tonight…” Ruto SLAPS Ladrona, and then Fin dragon sleepers! BLOODY SUNDAY!! Cover, Fin wins!

Winner: Fin Balure, by pinfall (earns a meal for two at Conundrum)

The Zora Princess laughs as she and Fin stand over Ladrona. In one fell swoop, Ruto put the challenge out to Ladrona and helped Fin win their dinner date! Will these two suddenly become an HPW power couple? Or will Ladrona ruin this bad romance before it gets started?

My Thoughts:

Not quite under the wire like last time, but still later than I would’ve liked to finish this one. November just turned into a busy month with NJPW having one tag tournament after another. But that’s why I kept this Fyter Feast a little slim this time, with just three matches and then adding the promos after. I hope my attempt at Zelda’s awkwardness wasn’t itself awkward, but Link x Zelda is almost as strong a ship as Mario x Peach, it needed to be touched upon. Now let’s get ready for HyruleMania 5!