There’s all kinds of rumor & innuendo surrounding both sides of WrestleMania’s main event, Roman Reigns and Brock Lesnar.

Brock Lesnar supposedly has one foot out the door. He’s already worked the number of dates in his contract. The Beast isn’t all that interested in putting Roman Reigns over. He’s not really interested in pro wrestling either, except for the fact that WWE keeps giving him millions of reasons to come back. Brock would be much happier returning to the UFC, or hanging out at his farm.

WWE is more than happy to play into all of these rumors. Brock showing up out of shape for a match with Kane at a house show in Chicago was perfect for the story. Roman Reigns lit Lesnar up last week on Raw in a promo that played into WWE fans’ dissatisfaction with the absentee Universal Champion that defends his title slightly less often than Alexa Bliss defends hers.

That’s some damn good stuff. It should be more than enough to get everybody to get behind the Big Dog, right?

Right?

Well…as it turns out, Reigns is also the subject of much speculation these days. He was allegedly a client of steroid distributor Richard Rodriguez, who currently sits in jail as part of operating an international steroid manufacturing & distribution ring, along with some money laundering.

The Law Dictionary tells me that purchasing steroids might be a bit problematic.

“Anabolic steroids are a form of synthetic testosterone that may be prescribed by doctors but are illegal for use without a prescription. They are classified as a Schedule III controlled substance with possession carrying a $1,000 fine and a year in prison, according to federal law. Trafficking carries up to a $250,000 fine and five years in prison for a first offense.”

When will a doctor prescribe anabolic steroids? Good question! The Law Dictionary continues.

Doctors will only prescribe anabolic steroids if a patient:
Requires bone marrow stimulation or prevention of bone loss
Needs artificial induction of male puberty
Needs appetite stimulation and preservation of muscle mass due to wasting conditions such as AIDS or cancer
Decides to undergo gender reassignment procedures

Needing to look good in spandex doesn’t pass the test. I mean, there used to be a doctor that took that as a reason all the time, but George Zahorian is no longer in that business. Remarkably, he’s still with us & still in the urology business. I never would have guessed that. Google it if you don’t believe me.

I don’t pretend to be a steroids expert. I’ve never taken them. I wouldn’t even know where to start. I think they’re injected, but I couldn’t tell you where. It seems like they go any damn place. I can’t speak on the effects they have on people. I can read the list, but we all know that drugs have different effects on different people.

There’s only two things about steroids that bother me.

1. All the people that died using them.

Something the man later known as Dean Ambrose said during a Smart Mark Video shoot interview sticks with me. He noticed how the people that only used steroids or only used other drugs seemed to do fine & live relatively long lives. It was the people that mixed steroids in with the booze & painkillers & somas & dope & other things that ran into trouble. He figured that since he had done enough of the other stuff he probably shouldn’t get on the juice.

I have no idea if he’s stuck with that philosophy or not, but it makes sense to me. All of these wrestlers that died way before their time in the 2000s weren’t just using steroids. They were using all kinds of other stuff that they probably shouldn’t have been using, usually to excess. When you pump so much into your body, it’s not going to be a good ending.

2. Baseball statistics.

I’m a baseball geek. Have been all my life. Unlike many fans of my generation, I consider myself a purist. We’re starting to see a shift in thought from older baseball writers & experts to young upstarts that stick up for the guys they grew up watching. Their argument is that everybody was juicing in the late 90s & early 2000s, so it should count the same as everybody else. I disagree for one simple reason: steroids are illegal. Whether MLB officially banned them or not, they were illegal in this country.

I can’t equate Barry Bonds’ 762 home runs to Hank Aaron’s 755, or Babe Ruth’s 714. Willie Mays had 660 and I have no idea what Alex Rodriguez ended up with. Bonds & Rodriguez bought & paid for their home runs. Which is fine from a capitalistic standpoint, but not from the standpoint of the baseball purist that worships old statistics. In a performance-based sport, performance-enhancers are a game-changer.

With that being said, pro wrestling & performance-based sports are two entirely different animals. Statistics in wrestling aren’t legitimate anyway. Ric Flair didn’t really beat sixteen guys in shoot fights to win world championships. His entertainment value got him those championships.

Steroids help with physical appearance and with recovery from injuries, but they don’t guarantee you’ll be a tremendous pro wrestler. You still have Roman Reigns without (allegedly) steroids. There are numerous examples of jacked up dudes that had billion dollar bodies that were mere flashes in the pan. If bought muscles were all they brought to the table, they didn’t last long. The Ultimate Warrior looked great, but it was his bizarre charisma that made the WWF give him a chance on top. They didn’t push Tom Magee to the moon.

Here’s the $64,000 question to everybody reading this:

Do you really care if pro wrestlers use steroids or not?

I don’t.

As long as they’re used responsibly, and wrestlers don’t overuse them to the point where they’re immobile in the ring & unable to do their job at a high level, I see nothing wrong with it. Other than the whole legality issue, of course.

As long as Roman Reigns is exercising caution and not doing anything to harm anybody else, I don’t care what he puts into his body. He wouldn’t be my first choice to be in the WrestleMania main event, but that’s because I think Braun Strowman should be in it. Hell, Braun’s a former strongman competitor. It wouldn’t be a shock to me if he used steroids at some point in his life. Whether he has or not makes no difference to me, and the same goes for Roman Reigns.

A lot of people are hoping that this brings Roman Reigns down. I don’t think it will. There’s a real easy way for WWE to fix this whole problem. This whole issue of “legality” can be worked around if they remember who their friends are.

See, I don’t know if you guys are aware of this or not, but Vince McMahon is really friendly with the current President of the United States. So friendly, in fact, that his wife wound up with a cabinet-level position doing….oh, I have no idea. The less we know is probably the better. Either way, I think we can all agree on two things when it comes to our current President.

1. He’s great at influencing people.
2. He’s easily influenced.

You saw his act last week with the NRA, right? One day he’s out there flapping his gums about gun control. The NRA has a couple meetings in the Oval Office reminding him of who funded his campaign, and he’s back on the “everybody needs guns” train soon after. As great as this guy is at making people think he’s on their side against those career politicians, he has his strings pulled just as easily as everybody else in Washington.

All Vince McMahon needs to do is pull those strings. Tell the President that he needs to do something about this steroid stuff. They aren’t so bad! Certainly not as bad as these other drugs out there that are tearing families apart. Maybe an executive order easing the punishment against people using steroids for improper reasons wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. It’ll benefit rich people, so it seems like a surefire bet to go through easy peasy lemon breezy.

If it happens in time, Jon Bravo (really? This guy named himself after a Cartoon Network show & I’m supposed to take him seriously?) can release all the videos he wants & it won’t mean a thing. The Big Dog will roar into WrestleMania & send The Beast packing.

All will be right in The World According to McMahon.