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Chris’s IMPACT Wrestling Results & Report (8/30/18) | The Chairshot
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Impact Coverage

Chris’s IMPACT Wrestling Results & Report (8/30/18)

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IMPACT Wrestling Results & Report

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Chris Pinheiro brings you all the happenings on the August 30 edition of IMPACT Wrestling. Follow along starting at 8 PM eastern!

Quick Results

  • X-Division Title: Brian Cage(c) d. Fenix via pinfall – top rope powerbomb
  • Eli Drake d. Brandon Tidwell via pinfall – Gravy Train
  • Knockout’s Title: Tessa Blanchard d. Allie and Su Yung(c) via pinfall – roll up on Allie TITLE CHANGE!!
  • Rich Swann d. Petey Williams via pinfall – Standing Shooting Star Press
  • Austin Aries & Killer Kross vs Eddie Edwards & Moose – no contest

Play By Play

Welcome to IMPACT! Wrestling episode #737 “ReDefined”! Tonight, we get Eddie Edwards & Moose vs Austin Aries & Killer Kross, Rich Swann vs Petey Williams, Cage vs Fenix for the X-Division Title and a Three-Way Dance for the Knockout’s Title!!!!

One Night Will Make You Rethink Everything

Video package plays hyping tonight and all the matches I mentioned above. Moose thought about retiring due to the concussion Aries gave him, but he’s not a quitter and he’s back to defend his friend Eddie Edwards.

Josh Matthews welcomes us to the Rebel Center as we kick it off with X-Division action:

X-Division Title Match: Fenix (w/Pentagon Jr.) vs. Brian Cage(c)

“Lucha! Lucha!” chants ring out to start, Fenix off the ropes as they do a quick Lucha Libre start. Cage drops Fenix on the ropes and hits A 6-1-9!!! Lets just think about that for a moment. Brian Cage is 6′ tall and 268 lbs. and his hitting a 6-1-9!! First saintly fecal matter chant of the evening right there!

Fenix with a hurricanrana to the floor, back inside off the ropes and Cage kills him with a clothesline! Cage with a delayed suplex from the apron to the inside, holding Fenix parallel to the floor!! The Terminator clap starts now. Fall away slam from Cage, as he is dominating the early going. Fenix sidesteps a corner charge, hits a super kick and goes up stairs. Cage catches the crossbody into a F-5 for 2. Fenix blocks a clothesline, kick to the head, then runs off the ropes. Cage sidesteps and throws Fenix over the top rope onto the ramp. Fenix back inside, springboards inside to a spinning heel kick to Cage on the ramp. Fenix then dives through the ropes, summersaults for a Fenix Cutter on the ramp. Back in, hits a senton, gets a 2 count. Both men running off the ropes, Cage hits a super kick. 2 count again!! Almost had a 3 there!! “Fight Foever” chants starting now. Weapon X countered by Fenix for 2, followed by quick strikes. Enziguri from the apron by Fenix, then a springboard rollup from the out side into a double stomp gets Fenix 2 and a half. Fenix rallies the crowd, then gets a boot up to stop a Cage charge, slams Cage into the second Turnbuckle, then Cage with a HUGE slam! 1-2-Fenix’s foot is on the bottom rope. “This is Awesome” chant rings out! Cage looking for a superplex to the floor, countered, knocked to the apron, and Fenix with a double stomp to the back! Suicide Dive by Fenix, CAUGHT BY CAGE INTO A SUPLEX ON THE FLOOR!!! I can’t do it justice how Cage caught him. He stopped Fenix’s momentum perpendicular to the floor, feet straight up!!

**commercial break**

Back from commercial and Cage hits a wheelbarrow cutter for 2. Cage takes Fenix to the corner, European uppercut from Fenix, charging back an forth before an elbow from Cage and a Tornado DDT! More “Fight Forever” chants as the referee begins to count both men down. Cage up at 8, picks up Fenix. Back to the corner, Cage up top, throws off Fenix, chop and super kick to Cage, springboard, he’s shoved off, eats a boot, both men on top, and a HUGE TOP ROPE POWERBOMB for the  1-2-3!!!!

Your winner, and STILL X-Division champion: Brian Cage

oVe charge the ring and assault Fenix and Pentagon, Cage starts up the ramp then thinks better of it and returns to the ring and cleans house!! Hits the Drill Claw on Jake Crist! Cage and the Lucha Bros. stand tall!!

We get a video package hyping Edwards/Moose vs Aries/Kross and we head to commercial

a “We Want Jericho” chant breaks out in the Rebel Centre

**commercial break**

As we come back, Matthews recaps what we just saw in the match and after it.

In the parking lot, Bobo pulls up in a black SUV, but the parking lot attendant won’t let him through. Scarlett Bordeaux gets out, mesmerizes the attendant who then yells to let them through.

Hype package for Chris Jericho’s Rock N Rager at Sea and then the GWN Moment of the Week: The Impact debut of Drew Galloway! Six men in this video, and only one (Grado) still works there. Kenny King, Samoa Joe, Low-Ki, Galloway and Al Snow have all left…

Impact and Destiny Wrestling present “One Night Only: Bad Intentions” tomorrow night at 8pm Eastern, only on pay-per-view

Recap on Ritchie (the little boy who was hit by the car last week) and they say all the know is he’s supposed to make a full recover, legal action maybe pending

The OGz are arguing, Hernandez is feeling bad about the kid, but King says they can’t be soft, he’s a casualty of war. His phone rings, he says “yes sir,” and  leaves, telling the Hernandez and Homicide to stay put.

**commercial break**

We come back to a video package hyping Bound For Glory tickets that are on sale now

Now a video package hyping the Knockout’s Championship match tonight.

Backstage interview with Tessa Blanchard where she talks about the pressure of being a Blanchard. Says being a good wrestler might be good enough for some, but it’s not enough if you’re in her family, so she’s bringing home the title for her family’s sake

Eli Drake heads out to the ring in street clothes and gets a microphone. They show four guys in a VIP section chanting “Dummy. Yeah” Talks about the Cult Of Lee wanting to be his friends, said he never did, and he was testing them. He then brings out the two jobbers who defeated the Cult Of Lee last week, Mr. Atlantis and Brandon Tidwell. Crowd chants “They Are Dummies.” Drake then says he has a challenge, against himself, and Mr. Atlantis accepts. Drake then says he will face Tidwell.

Eli Drake vs Brandon Tidwell (w/ Mr. Atlantis)

punches, kicks, Gravy Train. Over.

Your winner: Eli Drake

Eli then shakes their hands and hits Mr. Atlantis with a Gravy Train, puts his clothes back on and celebrates on the turnbuckles before leaving.

**commercial break**

Backstage interview with Eddie Edwards and Moose. Moose calls Eddie and says Aries’ biggest mistake was messing with them.

Knockout’s Title Match: Allie vs Tessa Blanchard vs Su Yung(c) (w/ The Undead Bridesmaids)

Tessa starts out hitting everyone, then Allie hits a Codebreaker, then a drop kick on Tessa and a senton on Su. Bulldog/DDT combo and Allie covers Su for 2. Allie chokes Su in the corner with her foot, then Su chokes Allie on the middle rope, punches Tessa, Allie hits Su off the apron, onto the Bridesmaids. Allie launches off Tessa’s back to deliver a forearm to Su off the apron again. Tessa rolls up Allie for 2, then locks in a modified Indian Deathlock. Su then gets Tessa in an arm bar while Allie is still in the Deathlock! Allie hits chops on Su into the corner, charges in, then the Spider Crawl take down in the corner by Su Yung. Climbs up top, Tessa knocks her off. Tessa then press slams Su onto the Bridesmaids, then Allie slingshots her back in. Clothesline’s by Allie, then a corner suplex, Tessa kicks out at 2. Tessa looks for a hammerlock, Allie rolls her up for 2, hits the Best Superkick Ever, then a mandible claw from Su to Tessa, then one to Allie who breaks it up with a jaw breaker. Tessa then rolls up Allie for the 1-2-3

Your winner, and NEW Knockout’s Champion: Tessa Blanchard

Tessa backstage, celebrating her victory, saying she just exposed Allie for everything she said she was. Said she took Su’s title and there’s not a damn thing she can do about it.

**commercial break**

Another video package for Bound For Glory tickets

Recap of the Knockout’s Title match

Gama Singh is on the hunt, finds the Desi Hit Squad and starts beating them with a broom backstage. This was literally the whole segment.

Backstage interview with Austin Aries and Killer Kross. Kross is creepy… like a stalker. Aries says Kross has turned everything upside down and no one is safe.

Video package for Medicon’s Impact vs The UK, September 9th, only on Twitch

LAX backstage, celebrating their title win, but says what happened with Ritchie was wrong. Konnan then gets a phone call, says “yes sir” and tells Santana and Ortiz they need to stay put, and he leaves.

**commercial break**

The Smoke Show

Backstage with Grado and company, when the smoke begins and Scarlett Bordeaux’s music hits. It’s time for The Smoke Show. Bordeaux thinks Henry and Katarina have something going on. Hendry says next week he and Grado will be on the same page against the Desi Hit Squad. Bordeaux starts seducing Grado, Katarina freaks out and tells Bordeaux to stay out of it. Katarina says Scarlett will never break up her and her boys, to which Scarlett responds “I think I all ready have.”

Petey Williams vs Rich Swann

This will be fast and furious, I will try to keep up..

Holds and counter holds to start, Petey drops Swann onto the rope then hits a bronco buster. Codebreaker by Williams for 2. Running the ropes, dropkick by Swann, Williams outside, Swann goes for a senton to the floor, nobody home and he crashes and burns.

**commercial break**

Cover by Petey for 2, sets Swann on the top rope. Tree of whoa, and a big kick, Petey whips him across, Swann avoids and hits a clothesline, then a huge knee and a snapmare, cover  for 2. Swann then Climbs up to the second buckle, flips over Petey, Petey then gets behind. German suplex, side Russian leg sweep, enzigiri by Swann, then elbows by Petey. Stack up for 2, roll back for 2, then Petey goes for a Sharpshooter, Swann gets the ropes. Swann with an inside cradle for 2, kick, then goes for a hurricanrana, countered into a powerbomb by Petey. Swann counters a Canadian Destoryer for a bomb for 2. Swann goes for a Phoenix Splash an missed, Swann counters another Canadian Destroyer into a roll up for 2, big kick, then a standing shooting star press for the 1-2-3

Your winner: Rich Swann

Swann celebrates back stage saying a few more victories will get him that X-Division Title. Matt Sydal interrupts saying Swann is good but he doesn’t understand what it takes to be champion, but he can help him, he can open his third eye. Swann says he doesn’t need his help, he can get there on his own.

Alisha is then heard screaming, and we cut over to her trying to revive Moose who is laid out with Killer Kross’ calling card laying next to him.

**commercial break**

MAIN EVENT TIME

Killer Kross & Austin Aries vs Eddie Edwards & Moose

Don Callis wonders if we will see Moose or if Edwards can get another partner tonight on short notice. Edwards comes out alone, kendo stick in hand, and rolls into the ring, getting in the face of both Aries and Kross. Bell rings as it looks like Edwards will be going alone. Higher spinebuster by Kross on Edwards me he tags Aries. Kick to the back, cover for none. Jawbreaker by Edwards. Back elbow, and an over head belly to belly, and a mafia kick to Kross that doesn’t knock him down. Eddie backdrops Aries to the apron, then shoved him to the guardrail. Eddie attempts a suicide dive but eats a knee from Kross. Aries back in and kicking away at Edwards. Puts him in the corner, tags in Kross. Snapmare and a running boot, tags in Aries. Aries off the top with an elbow to a held Edwards. Double whip to the corner, Kross with a splash and a tag to Aries. Kross then whips Aries into Edwards. Edwards hits Aries on the top then a backpack stunner. Both men down, punches and chops being traded, then a Blue Thunder Bomb by Edwards, pin broken up by Kross. Edwards dumps Kross and hits a brainbuster on Aries, then a suicide dive on him on the outside. Rolls Aries in but Kross grabs Edwards and hits an overhead throw on the floor. Aries looks psychotic, looking for a brain buster, Eddie gets out, hits Kross, then a Tiger Bomb on Aries. Both men down again. Moose wobbles out taped up, and gets up into his corner. Tag by Edwards to Moose, and Kross drops off the apron whenever Aries tried to tag out. Moose then turned and SPEARED Edwards!!! It was a set up!!! Moose sits on top and punches away as Aries trash talks Edwards. They dump Edwards out and it’s a 3-on-1 assault. Aries wraps the chair on Edwards’ throat, and Moose slams a chair into it. Alisha comes out to check on her husband and starts yelling at Moose. She slaps Moose, who threatens her but the heels back away. Aries and crew then celebrate at ringside as Alisha sits over her husband as we go off the air!

No Contest

Thats all for IMPACT Wrestling tonight! Thanks for reading!!

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Coverage

Andrew’s TNA iMPACT! Results & Match Ratings: 5.29.25

Stuff happens, maybe it doesn’t, Dreamer and Delirious can’t book.

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Well Trick Willie is the new TNA champ and this is the first iMPACT since his win…so let’s just hear him talk about it.

Ratings:

  • The Rascalz vs Fir$t Cla$$ vs Laredo vs The System: Rascalz win via Meteora – ***
  • Raj Singh vs Mustafa Ali: Ali wins via…No Shit – Squash Garbage
  • ASH by Elegance vs Lei Ying Lee: Lei wins via Spinning TKO – ** 3/4
  • Mance Warner w/SDL vs Jobber: Mance wins via Hit the Pay Winda – Squash
  • Santino Marella & Arianna Grace vs Robert Stone & Victoria Crawford w/Tessa: Team Robbie wins via shenanigans – **
  • International Championship: Steve Maclin (c) vs Matt Cardona: Maclin retains via KIA – ***

 

Results:

The Rascalz vs Fir$t Cla$$ vs Laredo vs The System

Octagon got jumped by The System earlier so Laredo is fighting alone. Another backstage jumping is getting a little dumb. 

Laredo and Trey start. Typical Indie start with Simultaneous awful Dropkick spot and bad counters, AJ blind tag runs the smaller guys over, tags out to KC and the Rascalz instantly get the moment. KC is rocked, tags in Laredo and Laredo takes out the System before Lish gets on the apron and grabs Laredo. The referee kicks out Lish and Rehwoldt on commentary points out it’s a No DQ match so that’s dumb.

KC gets tossed at AJ, he catches him, Rascalz Dive and do their taunt as we go to commercial. We come back, Tennessee Whiskey into a KC tag in for the near fall on Laredo. Corner combo, Snapmare into Flip Forward Neck Breaker, KC is on a roll. AJ tags Laredo and starts talking crap to KC, they swerve and go Finger Poke of Doom, but it’s not a legal pin. Suddenly tornado attacks, System and Rascalz go for broke, AJ hits the Senton to break the eventual pin, Laredo counters AJ’s Chokeslam attempt. Trey clears out The System, Wentz sends himself and KC over and out, Laredo with a Corkscrew Moonsault, which looked cool but it’s the pile of morons waiting to get hit spot.

AJ hits the Down Payment on Laredo, but Trey blind tagged AJ. Meteora on AJ, Trey pins Laredo and Rascalz win.

Raj Singh vs Mustafa Ali

Raj looks like shit in the gear he came down in…and he wrestles equivalently. I would rather anyone else comeback…give me Anarquia.

Ali murders Raj, Instant Dropkick, Rolling Neckbreaker, Corkscrew Standing Moonsault, it’s not close. Raj tries to counter things but Ali Bellclap, a little Duck the left, connect the right. Raj even does a terrible looking Punch Combo, he’s in bad shape, a bad looking Ushigoroshi, Raj with a sloppy looking something, 450 ends it.

Fire Raj as quickly as you brought him back. You don’t need a comedically pathetic job guy when the roster is like 4 guys getting pushed and everyone else sucks. Stop being stupid. Ali still hates women too.

This Injury Report is the dumbest segment in the history of wrestling. Stop treating fake shit as “serious business”. 

ASH by Elegance vs Lei Ying Lee

ASH mocks karate stuff, Lei throws a few Rising Crane kicks as ASH bails and then things slow down a little. But a Pump Kick, Sliding Kick and Low Dropkick cause ASH to cower and claim her tooth broke. It’s a bait to pull Lei into the turnbuckles and them get in a few stomps. Ash keeps Lei in the corner, Suplexes her ankles into the buckles and then Ash throws a few Booty Shots/Hit Attacks then starts a grounded stretch, Lei Headscissors her down, still sells the hips and ankles, but dodges and fires, combination strikes into the 10 Count Down Strikes. T-bone Suplex, into the pinfall, for only two.

Cheapshot into Running Meteora from ASH for two. Ash goes for the Miz Yes Kicks and Lei No Sells and asks for more. Gorgeous Capture Suplex into Thunder Struck and TKO with flair. My baby has a better finish now! Yay!

Mance Warner w/SDL vs Jobber

Hannifan cursing and being pissed at Trick for not even showing but is more entertaining than a squash match. Not that Mance’s offense is bad, but 2 out of 3 job matches is stupid.

Santino Marella & Arianna Grace vs Robert Stone & Victoria Crawford w/Tessa

Marella tries to tie up with Robbie, but he bails and tags out to Victoria so Arianna comes in and aside from Alicia Fox’s silliness, the tie up was decent with Arianna and Victoria. Tessa interferes and the Referee throws her out. Victoria comes back in and aside from a slight miscommunication with how Arianna does her punches, Alicia Fox is making her look…pretty good. Transition moves, okay brawling and Arianna looks amazing in her outfit.

Rob and Santino distract the referee and Victoria hits a Figure Four into her Northern Lights Suplex, only for 2. Arianna finally Back Body Drop to find the tag, Santino and Rob, Santino does his split dodge into the Standing Headbutt, Arianna Cross Body onto Victoria. Rob pulls out the ref, then shoves the ref into Santino, Santino into the steps and Arianna attack but Alicia and Lish, the fix is in, Arianna eats the pin.

International Championship: Steve Maclin (c) vs Matt Cardona

A few quick brawl moves, Shoulder Tackles, Strikes, Back Breakers, Cardona does get dumped out and eats a SCUD. Maclin bounces Cardona’s face off the apron and hits an Elbow off the apron to keep Cardona reeling, but a dodged tackle sends Maclin into the steps. Cardona tries to Piledriver Maclin on the ramp, but Back Drop counter, into commercial.

Formulaic commercial etiquette of Cardona still in control, throws Maclin into the ropes, Diving Shoulder Tackle lays both dudes out and they get up by 8. Fighting Spirit spot, Cardona hits ropes and gets hit by Maclin twice, Thesz Press, Ground and Pound, Back Elbow and Olympic Slam has Maclin rolling. Splash into Lariat for two. Maclin has been all gas no brakes. Cardona tries to take a few shortcuts that turns into a Straight Jacket Takedown. Cardona to the top, Maclin cuts him off, Superplex spot. 1-2-kick out!

Maclin goes topside for a Jar Headbutt, Cardona hits the ropes so Maclin crashes into the corner, 2 Reboots connect, the third gets caught, counter into Busaiku Knee, Jar Headbutt. In and out, Cardona uses the middle rope for the Low Blow, Killswitch from Cardona but Maclin kicks out. Cardona dodges and shoves Maclin towards the ref, he puts the brakes on, Radio Silence! 1-2-Kick out! Maclin catches a top rope move, Power Bomb, Corner Splash, Tree of Woe, Caught in the Crosshairs, KIA and Maclin retains!

 

Overall Score: 4.5/10

Boring paint by numbers show, no Trick, System has one move, Robert Stone is a scumbag, too long to introduce new girls, lots of throw away segments and Rosemary sets up YET ANOTHER Monster’s Ball match. These aren’t interesting when there’s one every 3 months. So we can have terrible Monster’s Ball matches quarterly, Barbed Wire Massacre and Clockwork Orange House of Fun…BUT NO LOCKDOWN!?

Go home TNA, you’re drunk.

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Coverage

Andrew’s TNA Under Siege Results & Match Ratings: 5.23.25

Let’s see if this proves to be better than the awful build.

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Well let’s hope the matches are interesting or something because this card is such a useless pile of nothing matches. Xia Brookside vs Rosemary went the expected way with Brookside snapping to beat the hell out of Rosemary and get DQ’d. So Xia Darkside is on the horizon and Santino had a good promo with Robert Stone.

I look forward to a prostate exam more than this show…something please don’t suck.

Ratings:

  • Mike Santana vs KC Navarro w/AJ Francis: Santana wins via Spin the Block – *** 1/2
  • Eddie Edwards w/Lish vs Cody Deaner: Eddie wins via Boston Knee Party – **
  • Northern Armoury w/Hammer the Honey Badgers vs Dango, Moose and Brian Myers w/Lish: Armoury wins via Piledriver – ** 3/4
  • Match by Elegance: TNA Knockouts Tag Titles: Spitfire vs Elegance Clique (c): Elegance retains via Rarefied Air – **
  • Order 4 vs The Rascalz, Indi Hartwell & Raj Singh: Ali wins via 450 – ***
  • Arianna Grace vs Tessa Blanchard: Tessa wins via Magnum – *
  • TNA Knockouts Championship: Victoria Crawford (Alicia Fox) vs Masha Slamovich (c): Masha retains via Requiem – *1/2
  • TNA Tag Team Championship: Bootleg Hardyz (Leon Slater & Matt Hardy vs Kaiba Boys (c): Seto wins via Danger Zone – ** 1/2
  • Joe Hendry & Elijah vs Frankie Kazarian & Trick Williams: Hendry wins via Standing Ovation

 

Results:

Mike Santana vs KC Navarro w/AJ Francis

AJ feigns a ‘turf toe’ injury to randomly call the audible to have KC wrestle Mike. Comedy open, then KC ducks and dodges strikes, rope runs but then gets caught and tossed into a corner. Eats a Hip Attack in the corner and a Back Body Drop for a near fall. Santana mean mugs AJ and then 3 Amigos and a Latino Heat shimmy, only a near fall but it gets a pop.

KC tries to fight back to his feet and then eats a Back Chop and KC looks like he was shot in the chest. AJ was late to the interference as a second, but it at least looked funny. KC hits the 305, drives Santana into the corner, and seats Santana with the Snapmare. KC goes for a either a Satellite move or Blessing in Disguise, Santana stops KC’s momentum and Inside Out Suplex. Santana kips up and rocks KC. KC tries to avoid him, Santana does the following roll and hits the Rolling Buck Fifty. Calls for Spin the Block, but KC hits a Superkick, Pump Kick for Santana, rope runs, Santana tries the Buck Fifty again but KC avoids, strings a lot together, Corner Boot Wash into a Frog Splash for only 2.

KC tries a surprised Blessing, Santana blocks, Body Scissors Victory but Santana rolls with it, KC perches and tries a Cross Body but gets  caught Buckle Bomb into Cannon Ball! 1-2-…oh KC kicked out. My son KC is looking like a million bucks in change. Spin the Block attempt, but KC crumbles to avoid. Santana hits a Jacknife Powerbomb, goes for another but KC flips out of it and eats the Spin the Block.

Santana helped KC up and shakes his hand, AJ attacks him after the fact. KC looks conflicted in helping the beat down. KC is gonna be money, give him the face turn, he’s fantastic. Extend his contract and push him to the damn moon right now.

Eddie Edwards w/Lish vs Cody Deaner

Eddie lands a few chops, hits the ropes and Cody gets the Thesz Press into Ground and Pound but Eddie hits another chop. Mostly Kobashi offense and Lish interfering. Chops, Lariats and Wife. A little jawing from Eddie, he throws Deaner into the ropes, Deaner stops the momentum and Clothesline’s the both to the outside, Deaner tries to fire up with the fans but when he turns he eats the Blue Thunder Bomb on the apron. Eddie wants a count, Deaner beats the count around 8, and Eddie jumps on him.

Deaner fires, no selling Eddie’s onslaught of Chops, Deaner goes to the top, Eddie cuts him off, rocks him, Superplex into the Tiger Driver but only a two count. Eddie starts talking crap to a fan, Cody hits a Dork Right Hand, Shiranui off the steps, rolls Eddie in, goes to the top, Crossbody but only for 2. Deaner calls for DDT, Lish gets on the apron, Eddie pulls out the Planeteer ring, Falcon Punch, but Deaner kicks out.

Eddie is besides himself, Deaner fires, tries to lock in the DDT, Eddie pushes him back to the ropes, Lish with the Uppercut to the Cock, Boston Knee Party and Deaner is gone.

Eddie is my favorite wrestler of 2025. He got rid of a parasite with the worst gimmick ever.

Northern Armoury w/Hammer the Honey Badgers vs Dango, Moose and Brian Myers w/Lish

The system were insulting Canada and making fun of jobless Deaner so Eric Young runs them down, gets big pops from the Canadian crowd and create an impromptu match using a local Mascot as their outside help to deal with Lish.

Dango and Temu Yuta start, moves that don’t matter follow because Sinner & Saint are useless. Thank god when Moose tags in, he demands Eric Young in. I wouldn’t want to dirty my hands with useless jobbers either. Shoulder Tackle spot where they bounce off each other, EY hits a Hip Toss, and Locomotion uninteresting spots from Jabroni duo, the crowd starts singing “Oh Canada” because of course.

God I hate Sinner & Saint…I have no desire to engage with the moves. I would rather watch lemon party…and a “We’ve Got Healthcare” chant starts. Hair Jabroni gets isolated for a while, Myers hits a Flatliner and a Cheap Shot. Myers goes for a Spear, eats a Knee Lift…someone tag in EY so I can care. THANK YOU.

EY cleans house, rocks everyone EY with the Flair Flip into the Corner, walks to the top rope, Moose tries the escalara cut off but EY pushes him off, Polish Hammer, EY goes back to the top, Jabroni Duo tandem Powerbomb Moose, Dive on the others, Macho Elbow connects for 2. Piledriver attempt, but Moose gets out, hits a Lights Out. Hair dork with a splash to break it up, Myers does a thing, Bald Jabroni does the stupidest Back Handspring Shotei I’ve ever seen, Dango disposes of Baldo…EY hits the Spicolli Driver on Moose and stalks him into the corner, Moose pulls EY into the buckle, Lish pulls out Kendra and beats the hell out of the Mascot. Hands Kendra to Moose, local Canadian board members get involved, Moose eats a Piledriver.

This felt…so damn TNA it wasn’t bad I just detest Sinner & Saint. They have no charisma, do nothing interesting or different or well. But a TNA chicanery overbooking classic.

Match by Elegance: TNA Knockouts Tag Titles: Spitfire vs Elegance Clique (c)

Spitfire start fast, set up a table because they’re dressed like the Dudleys, Dani gets the Powerbomb attempt countered. Elegance attack Jody, pull out some Hockey props that got sideways as the Elegances are dressed like Mounties. Things kind of devolve to slow and telegraphed spots, where’s Jisoo when I need someone to say “Not bad, but not good”.

Yeah I couldn’t care enough to follow what’s going on. It was kind of fun, but slow, corny, a Bad Powerbomb from Heather misses the table and instead her head clips the table. Why would you have someone 4 for 9 try to Powerbomb a beautifully thicc girl like Dani. I don’t ask Brad Williams to powerbomb…well…ANYONE. Same same.

Order 4 vs The Rascalz, Indi Hartwell & Raj Singh

Champagne Singh has a rambly promo that sucks. Dude can’t wrestle, he can’t talk…why pick him? He didn’t even get cheap pops.

Tornado start, Rascalz double the hands, then things calm down and Indi starts with Tasha. Indi throws Tasha into the ropes for a Stun Gun that she bounces back from and into a Side Walk Slam. Skyler  tags in, Wentz takes things over, Rascalz hold Skyler’s legs and Signh does the “Wazzup”.

Singh starts beating the hell out of both hands, Tasha dives, Singh catches her, but Ali picks the ankle, Apron Hung DDT as Tasha helps with a Stomp. So they try Locomotion isolation on Singh, he fights off a bit, but Ali tags in and Hotch and Ali hit a beautiful Outside In Rolling Neckbreaker spot. Ali hits the Standing Corkscrew, Singh manages to clock him and the Knockouts tag in. She clears the Hands off the apron, but Ali grabs her hair, dodges her swing, Tasha tries the School Girl for the flash win but Indi kicks out and then hits the Spinebuster. Ali breaks up the pin with a Senton. Signature spam moment, Ali got the best of it, but now we get the Human Centipede Suplex Struggle…but Tasha and Indi fight ontop  of them. Inside of the suplex, they’re the cheerleader style Pyramid base. Indi his the Cutter through the base of teammates. Okay…that was unique, I always liked Indi.

Rascalz hit the Hands with a Hot Fire Flame into a Tornillo from Wentz. The Hands may be out for the rest of the match. Singh vs Ali. Ali tries to use the feet on ropes, Rascalz push off. The faces surround Ali, bit the Hands actually recover, Tasha tries to deal with Indi, and Ali hits a very stiff looking Sliding Dropkick to Indi’s face. 450 on Singh to win the match. He then starts choking Singh with the apron skirt and Tasha gets in his way and he shoves her hard. Ali’s new gimmick is…sexually frustrated mad woman hater? Not sure…it’s interesting at least.

Indi better be fine though. She’s a cutie who can actually work.

Arianna Grace vs Tessa Blanchard

Robert Stone tells Santino that without a manager’s license he can’t be out here. He’s banned from ring side.

Tessa Wrist Locks, Front Facelocks, just making fun of her. The crowd does the “She’s a Racist” chant so Tessa does the Hulk Hogan pose. She’s loving the heat. Arianna has been getting so dominated this looks more like the start of a Pornhub video aside from normal pro wrestling. Tessa is just picking her apart. Tessa misses or Arianna was supposed to move and didn’t so it looked kinda bad.

Grace hits a slap and Tear Drop Suplex to finally start doing things. Rolling Elbows, Cutters and a lot of simple offense as Tessa stays cocky but Arianna keep landing a punch or two, finally hits the Superplex but only for two. Arianna tries another Superplex, but Tessa bites her face, wants Magnum but slips so she adjusts to hitting the Buzzsaw first and redoing the finish.

It was sloppy and uninteresting, but they’re both hot, so I’m not complaining. I’d just like to know if the botches were Tessa’s fault or Arianna being green as fuck.

TNA Knockouts Championship: Victoria Crawford (Alicia Fox) vs Masha Slamovich (c)

They start cat fight style until Masha hits the Drop Toe hold into PK and lariat as Alicia powders, Masha follows and starts arguing with Robert Stone and Alicia hits a beautiful Jumping Side Kick. The her Northern Lights Suplex on the floor. Masha tries to fight out and misses her Sole Butt so Crawford screams at her, slams her down and starts getting annoyed. Forearms into a Vertical Suplex Crawford goes into the pin for only two.

Rope run, Masha fights back again, bad looking Capo kick…great interference by Stone has Masha stumble into Crawford and she hits a gorgeous Package Piledriver. Belt distraction spot but the ref tries to wrestle it away, Masha tries to stop it, Masha clocks the ref, Crawford connects with the belt. Tries about Package Piledriver but Masha blocks and hits the Russian Death Device, but ref is still dead. Masha tries to revive the ref, School Girl kick out, spinning back fist, Requiem… meh.

TNA Tag Team Championship: Bootleg Hardyz (Leon Slater & Matt Hardy vs Kaiba Boys (c)

Matt and Nic start off, Matt gets the early upper hand with this weird Headlock open into the Shoulder Tackle and Headlock Takeover. Matt finally tags out from the most boring opening sequence, but Leon starts doing the same Headlock crap. The last match was boring, this is starting bad and now tornado brawl but the Bootlegs clear the ring. Holy hell this is bad…starting too slow after two bad matches. Nemeths forgot who was level cause this is so boring. Holy crap this is the worst 5 minutes ever. I am slipping into a coma while sharting.

They’ve been isolating Leon long enough for the crowd to chant “We want Matt”, there’s a tease but Matt gets pulled off the apron. Ryan connects on the Implant DDT. Tries another but Leon counters and hits a Back Handspring Elbow. Simultaneous tags, Matt has control, Delete Buckle Smashes. Matt hits Delete Buckle Smashes on Ryan too, then Side Effects for everyone, Twist of…countered. Nic pushes Matt into Ryan and Ryan gets popped. FameASSer gets a 2. Assisted Back Drop/Neckbreaker and Slater makes the save. Throws Mokuba out, Plancha, Matt tries to roll up Nic but he kicks. Nic hits the Twist of Fate for arrogance, only two.

Superkick is caught, Leon flies in with a Leg Lariat, then Plot Twist for only 2! Ryan moves Nic from Poetry In Motion, Matt moves closer, Poetry over the Post. Twist of Fate from Matt, Swanton 450…1-2…Ryan saves the day and smashes Matt’s face into the apron. Leon tries to help, but misses and gets thrown into the Steps, Superkick and Danger Zone onto Matt, Kaiba Boys retain.

Half of that match was unwatchable.

Joe Hendry & Elijah vs Frankie Kazarian & Trick Williams

Kaz and Elijah start, some interesting counter spots with Elijah using the ropes for Short Arm Lariats, a few times, tags in Joe and Trick asks for the tag. Kaz tells everyone to fuck off, doesn’t tag and goes after Joe with a few short punches, but Joe Shoulder Tackles and Hip Toss, tags in Elijah and they do a Simple Double Back Elbow, look for a Double Bomb but Kaz rolls through and tags in Trick when he wants to. Trick and Elijah connect and its mostly Trick talking and then Rope Run spots, and a lot of talking.

Dysfunctional teammate tagging in and out yelling stuff… ugh. Elijah wipes them both out in the most uninteresting ways, and Joe hits his Rock the Baby Flying Senton. And that’s the first time the crowd pops this match. Kaz starts walking away, Trick goes after Kaz, the faces go after both, they deposit the heels into the crowd and start brawling into the crowd. The referee is out there with them and not counting.

At least this brawl has forced the crowd out of their Canadian coma, people in the ring, Elijah Rope Walk, Hendry Stalling Suplex at the time. Elijah walked 3 corners and then they punctuate together. Elijah hits the ropes, Kaz trips him, he eats a Trick Kick and a Flapjack. Trick tags out for Kaz to continue to isolate Elijah, Trick tags back, Elijah tries to fight out but Trick kicks Elijah in the head and then cheap shots Hendry on the apron. Leg Lariat from Trick on Elijah.

Eventual tag out to Hendry, Sack of Shits and Kip Ups. Standing O, Trick says no, so Hendry hits the Olympic Slam for two. Trick counters AA with Bookend, Trick to the top, Crossbody, Joe rolls through, AA. Kaz tags, Backstabber, Sliding Lariat, Slingshot Leg Drop for two. Kaz goes Chicken Wing, Joe says no, AA for Kaz. Elijah tags in, and loses control immediately, Trick tags in and also loses control immediately. Trick tries to fly at him, but Knee Lift from Elijah for a 2. Trick Shot on Elijah, Joe makes the save, Kaz takes him outside and grabs a guitar. Kaz tags in and tries to use the guitar, Highwayman’s Farewell but Trick saves it. Trick wants to use the guitar, distracts ref, Elijah’s roll up doesn’t win. Trick Shot accidentally hits Kaz Standing Ovation and face win.

Is Trick winning at Battleground or will this just be very one sided in matches?

Overall Score: 2/10

Two points for KC Navarro being the best thing going right now.

The rest, botches, botches everywhere and boy oh boy:

The Critic Meme | IT STINKS! | image tagged in memes,the critic | made w/ Imgflip meme maker

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