Coverage

Mitchell’s WWE SmackDown Results & Report! (7/23/21)

SmackDown doubles down!

Published

4 years ago

July 23, 2021

Steven Mitchell

What a historic SmackDown to follow Money in the Bank!

Tonight, SmackDown comes to you from both The Land and Rolling Loud in Miami! And John Cena returns NOT to acknowledge but confront Roman Reigns!

OFFICIAL RESULTS

Finn Balor VS Sami Zayn; Balor wins.
Angelo Dawkins w/ Montez Ford VS Chad Gable w/ Otis; Dawkins wins.
SmackDown Women’s Championship: Bianca Belair VS Carmella; Belair wins and retains the title.
Toni Storm VS Zelina Vega; Storm wins.
Jimmy Uso w/ Jey Uso VS Dominik Mysterio w/ Rey Mysterio; Jimmy wins.

PLAY BY PLAY

JOHN CENA returns to SmackDown!

And Cleveland is fired up to see him! Cena goes right to the ring and he fires up with the WWE Universe! Cena wants to make sure everyone at home can see everyone live at the Rocket Mortgage Arena! “MAN you are amped up tonight! And I understand, I understand, it’s been one hell of a week.” A big surprise at Money in the Bank, Cena was so excited he had to go to Raw and answer some burning questions. Such as: How did Cena escape the Firefly Funhouse dimension? How many Peacemaker costumes did Cena steal? And is Cena the only guy left the WWE can call “to chin check that lifeless egomaniac, Roman Reigns?”

Yes, Cena is challenging Roman Reigns to a WWE Universal Championship match at SummerSlam. The fans fire up and Cena knows they’re excited and why. Cleveland knows that this is SmackDown! And everyone here knows we’re just a few heartbeats away from Cena VS Roman face-to-face in the ring right here, right now! And Cena couldn’t think of a better place to do this, either! Big sports news today outta Cleveland, too. Fans sound a bit sour, but Cena says he went to the Cleveland Government Office, and legally changed his name. Cena made his middle name, “Guardians,” because someone needs to protect the small amount of respect the WWE has left!

That’s because SmackDown with Roman as champion SUCKS! Now that’s just Cena’s opinion. He knows that there are hundreds of Roman Reigns fans somewhere. Hard to tell here, but Cena is sure they’re somewhere. But those fans deserve to stand up and be heard. Everyone deserves to stand up and be heard! No more ThunderDome, no more LED Zoom calls! There is noise on each and every side of this arena! And that’s what the people understand! SummerSlam is not just a match for the Universal Championship, no no. “It is a chance for all of us to stand up for what we believe in. What do you believe in? Whose team are you on?!”

Fans get loud as they duel, but there are “CENA! CENA!” chants, loud and proud. So are they Team Jorts? Fans do cheer. Are they on Team Cargo Pants? Fans do boo. So are they Team Hustle, Loyalty & Respect? Or are they the team fans always reject? Are you Team Cena or Team Reigns? Speaking of, where IS Roman? Oh, Cena knows Roman can’t see him! And after SummerSlam, he’ll realize that the CHAMP! IS! HERE! Fans are definitely on Cena’s side and he wants them to keep going to get Roman to come out to the ring! Make this happen, everyone! C’mon out, Roman! They wait, but still no Roman.

Please come out, Roman Reigns? Instead, we get, “Ladies and gentlemen, things that live in Cleveland, John… Cena… You have it all… wrong-uh!” Roman can’t see Cena? No, Roman can’t hear Cena, because Cena’s simply not worthy listening to. Now now, don’t get panties in a bunch, John. Heyman himself gives Cena his word that tonight, Cena will get an answer to the challenge, but only when Roman Reigns decides to come out and show Cena and everyone here live tonight that the TRIBAL CHIEF is… here!! BRrRrRrRrRrRrRr! DU DUDU DUUUU! DU DUDU DUUUU! Heyman mocks Cena all the way to the back, but will Cena get what he wants?

Finn Balor VS Sami Zayn!

The Prince returned to SmackDown last week and got to shut the Great Liberator up as a bonus! But now, Sami gets a chance at retribution! Will there be any conspiracy at work in The Land? Or will Balor get to go back to back on shutting Sami up?

SmackDown returns and Sami makes his entrance. The bell rings, the two circle and feel out the grapple. They tie up, Balor waistlocks but Sami moves around. Balor blocks the switch so Sami elbows out! Sami wrenches an arm, grinds the shoulder, pulls on an ear but the ref reprimands. Sami wristlocks, Balor fights up, rolls and hooks a leg, but Sami wrangles him down. Sami has a cording hold, Balor kips up and wrenches to wristlock back. Balor wrenches again, and again, but Sami ROCKS him with a right hand! Sami brings Balor to ropes to scrape his face on the ropes! The ref reprimands, Sami CLUBS Balor, then ground ‘n’ pounds!

Sami lets off, drags Balor up to throw him out of the ring, then goes out after him with big right hands! Fans boo but Sami talks trash at them to ROCK Balor again. Sami puts Balor in the ring at 7 of 10, but Balor trips Sami up! Balor fires off and fans fire up! Balor stomps away at the ropes, lets off and flexes. Fans fire up more as Balor kicks and throws Sami out. Balor builds speed to FLY! Direct hit at the ramp and Balor shows finger guns as we go to break!

SmackDown returns again and Balor jawbreakers free of a chinlock! Balor throws forearms, runs, but dodges, only for Sami to LARIAT! Cover, TWO! Balor stays in this and fans fire up as Sami throws clubbing crossface forearms! Sami wraps on a chinlock, fans chant, “SAMI SUCKS! SAMI SUCKS!” Balor fights up, Sami knees low, and again. Sami says, “Who sucks now?” Sami puts Balor in a corner but Balor boots him back! Balor grits his teeth but Sami kicks low to DDT! Sami smirks as he gets up and aims from a corner. Balor gets up in a corner, Sami runs in, but Balor SLINGBLADES first!

Fans are thunderous as Balor gets Sami up, only for Sami to swing! Balor ducks, and gets Sami for an ELBOW DROP DDT! Balor aims from a corner now, aims finger guns, but runs into a BLUE THUNDER BOMB! Cover, TWO!! Balor survives and fans rally up behind him. Sami thinks of what to do and he drags Balor up. Sami brings Balor to a corner, but Balor blocks the Exploder! Sami throws elbows down again and again! But still Balor blocks! Balor fires off elbows then RAMS Sami into the corner again and again! Balor lets off as the ref counts, and Balor runs in, into the EX- NO! Victory roll, DOUBLE STOMPS! Balor aims, SHOTGUN DROPKICK!

Sami flounders, Balor keeps going, ANOTHER SHOTGUN DROPKICK! Sami is in a drop zone now, Balor goes up top! COUP DE GRACE!! Cover, Balor wins!

Winner: Finn Balor, by pinfall

First match back, first win back on SmackDown! Balor wants gold, what belt will he be aimed at first?

Backstage interview with Baron Corbin.

Even more of a mess than last week, Corbin’s crowd funding charity website has made… Nothing! He’s lost money! The guy who made the site for him just ghosted Corbin! And then he used Corbin’s credit card number to ruin his credit score! Corbin rode the bus here! Has Kayla ever been on a public bus? It smells like bad cheese and gym socks! Corbin asks, “What’s happened to me?” Corbin sulks away, will he ever turn his fortunes around?

Big E heads to the ring!

The 2021 Mr. Money in the Bank is here in Cleveland and fans are fired up to see him! And he’s here to go big, after the break.

SmackDown returns and Big E has the mic to say, “CLEVELAAAAND~!” Fans chant, “You Deserve It!” and Big E takes it all in. He appreciates that, and says Sunday, 7/18/21, is a night he will never forget. “I was hurled through the air, I had grown men dive onto me, I jumped off a ladder! I have no business jumping off of ladders!” But when Big E made that final climb and saw that briefcase and earned the contract- He gets interrupted by Apollo Crews! The WWE Intercontinental Champion and Commander Azeez sarcastically congratulate Big E. Big E overcame the odds, shocked the world and won a title contract!

Apollo laughs. This isn’t the same as actually winning a title like Apollo did when he beat Big E at WrestleMania. But wait, the Dirty Dawgs are interrupting now? Dolph Ziggler is Ohio’s own, and he’s telling everyone to stop! If they want to talk about the Intercontinental Championship, they better talk about him and Robert Roode, the Dirty Dawgs! “Tell ’em, big man!” Roode gets the mic and barely gets started when RICK BOOGS interrupts! And the rockin’ bard of course introduces KING Nakamura! Fans sing along with the theme song as Shinsuke heads to the ring! And now CESARO joins in!

The Swiss Superman says no more talking! He wants the title, and it’s SWING TIME in Cleveland! But then the brawling breaks out in the ring! The Dawgs are after Nakamura, Apollo is after Big E, and Azeez smiles as his leader is- Wait, Big E throws Apollo out! Azeez goes after Big E, Cesaro goes after Ziggler and throws the Show-Off out! Nakamura ENZIGURIS Roode out, he and Cesaro get Azeez away from Big E, but Azeez choke grips both of them! They kick back, and fire off a EuroUpper and ROUNDHOUSE! Big E clotheslines Azeez out of the ring! Apollo returns, but runs into a SWING!!

Cesaro only goes for 5 to throw Apollo out, and the battle lines are drawn! Ziggler says, “Not tonight!” But if not now, then when?!

SmackDown goes live to Rolling Loud!

“Yo yo yo yo~!” Wale welcomes the fans at Miami Gardens and says they’re in for a treat tonight. Hopefully the people here know who he is. Make some noise! Now bring out his homies. Call and response. When he says, “We Want the Smoke,” they echo it back. WE WANT THE SMOKE! WE WANT THE SMOKE! Alright, let’s get to it! The Street Profits are up in Miami, but will they be rolling loud?

Angelo Dawkins w/ Montez Ford VS Chad Gable w/ Otis!

SmackDown returns as The Alpha Academy has already entered the ring. The bell rings, Gable and Dawkins circle. They feel it out but Otis swipes at Dawkins! Dawkins swipes back but Gable clobbers him! Gable fires off clubbing forearms, whips him to ropes, but Dawkins hurdles and back elbows! And then dropkicks! Gable swings but into the BUTTERFLY ANARCHY! Dawkins is fired up as Gable gets to the apron! Dawkins gets Gable up, suplexes, but Gable slips out and throat chops! Gable CHOPS Dawkins in the corner, throat chops again, then says, “For the Academy!” Gable whips Dawkins corner to corner, but Dawkins blocks the monkey flip to put Gable up top!

Dawkins swings but Gable catches it to a HANGING ARMBAR! Gable lets off, climbs up top, and leaps to FLYING CLOTHESLINE! Cover, TWO! Gable keeps cool as he gets the bad arm and JAMS it! And again! And then SLAMS the arm on the mat! Gable says, “For the Academy!” but Wale and the fans boo. Gable gets Dawkins up, hammerlocks and NORTHERN LIGHTS! Bridging cover, TWO! Dawkins survives but Gable keeps cool as he gets Dawkins back up. Gable mounts the armlock, Dawkins endures the grind but Gable wrenches. Dawkins fights up but Gable spins around to GERMAN SUPLEX! Cover, TWO! Dawkins is still in this and Gable is annoyed.

Gable goes to a corner, climbs up top, and MOONSAULTS! But Dawkins moves! Gable lands on his feet but is thrown out of the ring! Gable gets in but Dawkins CLOBBERS him! CYCLONE in the corner! Gable dodges the bulldog to ROLLING KICK! Dawkins hits buckles on the way down! Gable runs in but Dawkins DECKS him! Dawkins covers, TWO! Ford is fired up for Dawkins as he puts Gable up top, but Gable throws elbows. Gable rolls back, runs, swings and backslides, TWO! Dawkins gets Gable up, THE ANOINTING! Cover, Dawkins wins!

Winner: Angelo Dawkins, by pinfall

And Rolling Loud is… Mildly fired up for that one. But this is big for the return of the Profits! Will they be able to settle things with the Alpha Academy soon enough? But wait, here comes The EST! Bianca Belair struts her way along the catwalk because she’s ready to defend her SmackDown Women’s Championship! Will Rolling Loud wild out for this rematch from last week?

SmackDown Women’s Championship: Bianca Belair VS Carmella!

SmackDown returns and the (self-proclaimed) Most Beautiful Woman in the World makes her entrance. The introductions are made, the belt is raised, and these two run it back at Rolling Loud!

Bianca and Mella circle, tie up, and Mella rolls Bianca! ONE, Bianca rolls Mella, ONE! The two stand off and talk a little smack as they circle again. Mella kicks low, throws Bianca by her hair, then pushes Bianca around. Mella fires off hands in the corner, the ref counts and Mella lets off. Mella brings Bianca to whip, but Bianca goes up and over and handsprings and climbs up to tell Mella to kiss this! Bianca then jumps over Mella to dropkick her down! Fans fire up as Bianca tells Mella to kiss this again! Bianca runs in, Mella hotshots her away! Mella gets in, dodges, tilt-o-whirls and hits a MELLA-GO-ROUND! Bianca gets up and runs Mella right over!

Bianca is the steadiEST woman in WWE, and she gets Mella up. Mella grabs ropes to escape the KOD but then Bianca DECKS her! Fans fire up as Bianca is on the apron, but Mella blocks a kick, spins Bianca and throws her down! Cover, TWO! Mella keeps on Bianca with a chinlock and grinds Bianca down. Bianca endures, fights up, but Mella clubs Bianca as she holds on! Bianca gets loose to scoop and BACKBREAKER! Mella goes to a corner, Bianca runs in but Mella trips her into buckles! Mella goes corner to corner to run in but Bianca puts her on the apron. Fans want ASAP Rocky as Mella ROCKS Bianca and climbs up to CROSSBODY!

But Bianca rolls through! Bianca FALL AWAY SLAMS Mella! Bianca kips up, fires up, and she gets Mella with clubbing forearms! Bianca stomps Mella, then handsprings to MOONSAULT! Cover, TWO! Mella survives but Bianca gets her up. Mella jawbreakers back! Mella reels Bianca in but Bianca blocks the suplex to suplex back! Bianca holds Mella up but Mella fights free to FACEBUSTER! Cover, TWO!! Bianca survives and Mella can’t believe it! Bianca gets up, Mella mule kicks her then FAB- NO! Bianca blocks, spins and boots, but Mella dodges! Mella comes back but Bianca ROCKS her! Bianca torture racks to the KISS OF DEATH!! Cover, Bianca wins!

Winner: Bianca Belair, by pinfall (still SmackDown Women’s Champion)

The EST is rolling loud in Miami and she struts on the catwalk again, with pyro to celebrate! Will Bianca be rolling all the way into SummerSlam to rock Vegas just as hard?

Shotzi Blackheart & Tegan Nox work on the TCB tank.

Kevin Owens seems to be helping out in his own way. He suggests hitting this part with that big hammer. They did! A few times. Oh, well, sorry. Good luck with the cannon. Kevin heads out, but then bumps into Corbin. Corbin says, “Look man. I wanna apologize about last week. I’m in a bad place.” Corbin didn’t mean to insult Kevin’s dress or appearance. It’s a bad habit. It is! A bad habit of being a jerk! And it’s been a habit for like 8 years! Corbin can’t actually be surprised if no one feels bad for him. Corbin brought all that on himself. Corbin admits that and is really struggling. But he feels Kevin really can help him. Can Kevin forgive him?

Is that the same shirt from last week? No, it’s another one just like it, but he also got a stain on it, too… Spaghetti O’s from a can are tricky. Kevin does feel bad, and he gives Corbin the $20 he had in his wallet. Try not to be a jerk to people maybe though? Thank you, Kevin, this can do a lot right now. Kevin heads out, and now the cannon works, because it shoots the Nerf missile into Corbin’s lone wolf! And the Dirty Dawgs snatch the 20!! Kevin runs them off, but the damage is done. What will it take for Corbin to get past all this misfortune?

EDGE is here!!

The Rated R Superstar may not have won at Money in the Bank, but Cleveland still loves seeing him! And he’ll respond to why he didn’t win at MITB, after the break.

SmackDown returns and Edge has a mic as he stands on the corner. He hops down to say, “Oooh, Cleveland! You have no idea what those reactions do for me.” Edge says there’s a lot of history here and they surely know it. They know what he’s done, how hard he’s fought to get THIS back. They know how hard he fought to get them back! And if you watched MITB, you know he should be our Universal Champion. But he’s not, and there’s one reason why: Seth Rollins. Edge thought he had all the bases covered. The Mysterios watched his back for the inevitability of the Usos, but he didn’t know Rollins would make his presence known.

Hell, Edge thought Rollins might go after Roman, to make things easier in facing Edge. He’d be wrong about that, but that’s what Edge thought would happen. But then Edge realized, this is bigger than that. This goes back to 2014 when they first met. “You didn’t pull the trigger then to get the job done, because you never thought I’d be back here. But now, I am back here! And I’m in your way.” Rollins has no idea the Pandora’s Box of violence and pain he has opened! Fans cheer for that as Edge says he learned from the most evil minds in this industry! The Brood! The Ministry of Darkness! Rollins has no idea the depths that Edge will sink to to get the job done! But he’ll find out.

“BURN IT DOWN~!” Rollins makes his entrance to interrupt Edge’s warning! “Did somebody say mah name?” Rollins laughs and says it’s Grandpa Edge, talking about the man he used to be! HAHAHAHAH! Rollins laughs it up but Edge tells him to shut up. Rollins is embarrassing himself. Why not come down to the ring? Edge promises he won’t hit him, it’ll just be a talk. Rollins knows Edge isn’t as stupid as he looks. Edge wouldn’t dare put his hands on Rollins, knowing what Rollins can do to him. But, full disclosure, Rollins was gonna talk about how much he despises Cleveland, and how much he despises people like Edge, and John Cena, who wanna just come back whenever, jump the line, take opportunities from those like Rollins, people who have earned those opportunities.

Hey, hear him out! Fans are booing but Rollins says he was going to talk about all that, but he more he thought about it, the more he agrees with Cleveland! It is great to have Edge out here in Rollins’ ring. Give it up for gramps! Rollins is thrilled Edge can’t keep his name out of his mouth. Edge has been “such a scumbag to me.” Nothing would make Rollins happier than to crush Edge’s dreams. Nothing would make Rollins happier than to ruin the comeback story! But if Edge keeps pushing Rollins, and pushing and pushing and pushing him, when they talk about Edge’s HOF career, they won’t talk about Edge but the man who ended him: SETH FREAKIN’ ROLLINS!

Rollins says he had a chance to end Edge 7 years ago when he brought the Authority back, but he hesitated. Fans chant, “YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK!” and Rollins just soaks it up. Rollins says he hesitated then. But when he gets that opportunity again, boot on the back of Edge’s surgically repaired neck… Rollins won’t hesitate to pull the trigger. BANG. HAHAHAHA! Bang bang, pop pop, poof goes Edge, up in smoke! Edge asks if Rollins remembers what he said about not hitting him. “I’m a liar.” Edge DECKS Rollins! Edge rains down rights, Rollins gets up to RAM Edge into a corner, but Edge fires off more hands! Fans are fired up but Rollins hammers Edge down!

Rollins stomps away on Edge, throws off his baby blue jacket, then runs in, only to get an EDGE-O-CUTION!! Fans fire up as Rollins flounders up and around. Edge aims, and Rollins bails out before the Spear can hit! Fans boo but Edge grabs the jacket to pull at it. Will the Rated R Superstar make sure Rollins never even gets close to pulling that trigger?

Toni Storm VS Zelina Vega!

It was #ToniTime in NXT UK, and #ToniTime2 for a moment in NXT. But now #ToniTime3 could get started right here tonight in The Land! Will La Muneca make sure the Lighting From Down Under doesn’t strike?

The bell rings and the two tie right up. Vega headlocks, Toni powers out but Vega kicks her. Toni kicks but Vega blocks and gets around, but Toni BOOTS her down! Fans fire up as Toni runs in to SLIDING CLOTHESLINE at the ropes! Vega bails out, Toni pursues, but Vega throws her into the desk! Vega puts Toni in, stomps a mudhole into her, then soaks up the heat. Vega runs in to KICK Toni down, then runs again to KNEE her down! Cover, TWO! Toni is tougher than that but Vega keeps going. Toni blocks the tilt-o-whirl and HEADBUTTS her down! Vega gets to a corner, Toni to the other. Fans rally up for Toni as she gets up and runs corner to corner, HIP ATTACK!

Toni drags Vega up to GERMAN SUPLEX, bridging cover, TWO!! Vega survives but Toni gets her back up to underhook! Vega wrenches out, kicks the leg and hops on, CODE RED! Cover, TWO!! Vega can’t believe Toni survives but she stomps and kicks Toni at the ropes. The ref counts, Vega lets off, but Toni fireman’s carries! Vega slips out, Toni switches, Vega switches back. The belt comes off as Vega ripcords Toni! Toni hits the RUBY CUTTER!! Cover, Toni wins!

Winner: Toni Storm, by pinfall

The #Storm1 helps Toni get win number one! But will this just be one of many now that SmackDown is on #ToniTime?

Jimmy Uso VS Jey Uso VS Dominik Mysterio w/ Rey Mysterio!

The Bloodline is golden, but that doesn’t mean this is over between them and the Mysterios! Will Jimmy be #NobodysBitch and show Rey’s baby boy isn’t ready for the Uso Penitentiary?

SmackDown returns as father and son make their entrance. The bell rings and Dom fires off on Jimmy! Dom has Jimmy in a corner, the ref has him let off, and Jimmy headlocks. Dom powers out, Jimmy runs him over. Jimmy seethes, things speed up, but Dom hurdles and hip tosses Jimmy down! Dom dropkicks Jimmy, throws haymakers, then knuckle locks and CHOPS! Dom goes up and up but Jimmy trips him up! Jimmy mule kicks Dom down, then whips him corner to corner. Dom hits off buckles, falls back, and Jimmy hurries to cover, TWO! Jimmy keeps on Dom and pushes him to the ropes. Jimmy chokes Dom but the ref counts and Jimmy lets off.

Fans rally and duel, Jimmy gets Dom up but Dom throws haymakers! Jimmy kicks, Dom blocks but Jimmy DRAGON WHIPS! Cover, TWO! Rey rallies for Dom but Jimmy grins at him. Jimmy gets Dom up, wraps on a chinlock and grinds Dom down. Fans rally as Dom fights up and throws body shots. Jimmy shoves Dom, Dom kicks and wheelbarrows to throw Jimmy onto ropes! Dom dials it up, but Jey helps Jimmy get away! Fans boo but the Usos start leaving. Rey LEAPS and seated sentons Jey! Dom goes up and out and PLANCHAS Jimmy! The fans fire up with the Mysterio Family as SmackDown goes to break!

SmackDown returns again and Jimmy whips but Dom dodges to NECKBREAKER! Jimmy goes to a corner, Dom runs in but is put on the apron. Dom hotshots Jimmy back! Dom gets up, and slingshot sentons! Fans fire up as Dom watches Jimmy stand. Dom kicks, reels Jimmy in and shouts out to Eddie! Uno Amigo! Roll, DOS- Nope! Jimmy wrenches and ENZIGURIS! Fans boo as Jimmy mocks Latino Heat. Jimmy runs in but Dom chop blocks him into ropes! Dom dials it up and hits 619! Dom hurries up top, but Jey distracts! Rey trips Jey, Dom leaps, into a SUPERKICK! Jimmy covers, TWO!! Dom survives and Jimmy can’t believe it!

Jey CLOBBERS Rey, Jimmy gets Dom up. Jimmy fireman’s carries but Dom slips off to O’Conner Roll, TWO! Dom WRECKS Jey with a dropkick, ROCKS Jey with a forearm, slingshots in but Jimmy blocks the arm-drag to haul Dom up! Fireman’s carry but Dom sunset flips! But Jimmy sits, and Jey uses the same trick as MITB!! Jimmy wins!!

Winner: Jimmy Uso, by pinfall

The SmackDown Tag Team Champions find the same cheat that won them the titles! And now, Roman Reigns makes his way out! The Usos stand at attention as the Head of the Table walks on stage. Roman is handed his title from Heyman, and the Bloodline raises all their belts for the pyro! Roman will respond to John Cena’s challenge, after the break.

SmackDown returns, and Roman is in the ring.

Heyman hands him the Universal Championship belt back to raise it again for the second round of pyro. Heyman then fetches a mic and hands it to Roman. Fans chant “YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK!” but Roman ignores that. “Cleveland, acknowledge me.” They don’t seem to. But Roman tells us sitting at home to acknowledge him. “You might as well. Everybody’s acknowledging me. As a matter of fact, John Cena has acknowledged me.” Cena acknowledge Roman at MITB, and on Raw, and here tonight. And to be honest, Roman wanted to acknowledge John back. He did. He really, really did. But “Hollywood fooled me!

“They put a whole new paint job on John! I thought we were gonna get something new, I thought we were gonna get something special. But what happened at Money in the Bank?” Cena came out putting on a nostalgia act! It’s the same thing! The same music, same entrance, same run to the ring, same outfit, same promo, same insults! If Roman wanted all that, all he had to look online for 2005 Cena! It’s the same thing over and over, like missionary position every single night! The Tribal Chief, the Head of the Table, he ain’t interested in that. He isn’t inspired by that! So yeah, John, you’re right. Roman can’t see you, and he doesn’t WANT to see Cena!

So guess where we’re not seeing Cena? The main event of SummerSlam. Because the answer to Cena’s challenge is no. Fans boo but Heyman holds up the title, and BALOR comes out!? The Prince walks right to the ring and Roman says that Heyman told him that Balor is here “to follow suit, to do as John Cena does, and acknowledge me.” Balor smirks, and says, “I’m not here to acknowledge you. But if you’re not interested in John Cena’s challenge, maybe you’re interested in mine.” Fans like the sound of that! Roman laughs until he hears the “Let’s Go Balor!” and “YES! YES! YES!” chants. Roman and Heyman talk it over quickly while fans chant, “Roman’s Scared~!”

Roman gets mad hearing those chants, and says, “You think I’m afraid of him?!” Roman takes a moment, and says, “Challenge accepted.” WHOOOOA~! The Tribal Chief is going to take on The Prince for the first time in a long time, and it’ll be in Vegas! Will the current Universal Champion make the original Universal Champion acknowledge him?

My Thoughts:

Another great episode of SmackDown, but I feel I was a little justified in thinking a dual location was yet again a mistake. While Dawkins VS Gable was a good match, and Bianca VS Mella was pretty good, it was all wasted on a crowd that mostly didn’t care. They were at a music festival, they wanted music, not wrestling. This all seemed like WWE desperately trying to branch out to the mainstream but once again going about it all wrong. For that matter, I’m a bit torn on what we just saw at the end there. On one hand, I am so excited that Balor is going to be fighting for the Universal Championship at the PPV he originally won it.

On the other, Roman VS Cena seemed like the match that the mainstream fans would’ve come around for. But I would love if Balor suddenly became the guy that beat the Tribal Chief. Or at the very least, he and Roman should battle so hard that it leaves Roman open to a cash-in by Big E, even though Big E going to Raw would fully reunite the New Day and many fans would like that. Speaking of, there originally was meant to be Big E VS Apollo but seems that changed so that there could be a lot of teasing of great Intercontinental Championship match-ups. I feel like if Otis wasn’t sent to Rolling Loud to simply watch Gable lose, Otis would’ve been in on this, too. Maybe SummerSlam gives us something epic for this title now that fans are back to react to everything.

Balor VS Sami was a great opener, and it’s great that WWE didn’t waste time with a promo or anything. Fans who saw last week understand immediately that these two would face off. Fans who perhaps missed it and just didn’t go looking things up don’t even need a reason to see Balor VS Sami cuz it’s just good stuff! I liked what we got out of Kevin and Corbin backstage, with Kevin poking tiny holes in kayfabe to make the resulting kayfabe even goofier. Corbin is running out of matching shirts cuz of the stains on them, and then he gets Nerf’d to the nuts. I questioned Tegan suddenly jumping into “I’m a tank engineer,” but at least we got a nut shot. Also, the Dirty Dawgs being bigger jerks to the big jerk, I feel like WWE really is trying to Face turn Corbin, but I doubt it’ll really work.

We got a great segment out of Edge and Rollins, especially with them making the best out of the honestly controversial moment they’re talking about from 2013. Rollins trying to kayfabe cripple Edge is now going to kayfabe bite him in the ass, but there is a chance Rollins gets the win in the end. Maybe just straight up cheating and then he has Edge in the same position as 8 years ago, but Edge gets him with a Spear and stands tall, even in losing the match. Then we were obviously going to see Toni Storm win, and by default, that loss goes to Vega. Liv is strong with the fans, Toni can’t pin the tag champs while they’ve got contenders coming for them, and there’s just no one else on SmackDown right now. Toni is Face right now but I was really digging her Heel persona, maybe she switches quick so she can challenge Bianca for the title at SummerSlam or something.

My Score: 8.6/10

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Coverage

Mitchell’s ROH Results & Report! (4/18/25)

ROH says TGIF!

Published

3 hours ago

April 18, 2025

Steven Mitchell

420 Honor Club!

Can’t go wrong with ROH on a Friday afternoon! But will Dustin Rhodes & The Von Erichs still be World Six Man Tag Champions after facing #MXMTV?

OFFICIAL RESULTS

Bandido & Komander w/ Alex Abrahantes VS The Infantry w/ Shane Taylor Promotions; Bandido & Komander win.
ROH World Six Man Tag Team Championships: Dustin Rhodes & The Von Erichs VS Johnny TV & MXM Collection; Dustin & The Von Erichs win and retain the titles.
Sammy Guevara VS Lee Johnson w/ Blake Christian; wins.
The Frat House VS ???
Six Man Tag: Atlantis Jr, Fuego & Esfinge VS Euforia, Barbaro Cavernario & Zandokan Jr; win.
Evil Uno & Alex Reynolds VS Jon Cruz & Rosario Grillo; win.

PLAY BY PLAY

Bandido & Komander w/ Alex Abrahantes VS The Infantry w/ Shane Taylor Promotions!

The Most Wanted is once again ROH World Champion, but the Commander of the Skies just lost his ROH World Television Championship. Meanwhile, Captain Shawn Dean & “Bad News & Tattoos” Carlie Bravo want to take over the ROH Tag Division. Will someone be getting Two 2 Da Head? Or will the luchadores be dealing out a Blackjack 21?

The fans rally for Bandido already, which annoys The Infantry. The Code of Honor is not upheld as The Infantry strike first! The bell rings, the ref reprimands and the fans boo as Dean fires forearms with Komander while Bravo has Bandido. Dean kicks Komander, then Bravo SUPERKICKS Komander! Bandido BOOTS Dean, then he brawls with Bravo! They go back and forth, Bandido ROCKS, KNEES, and headlocks. Dean tags in as Bravo powers out, and then Bravo drops down for Dean to take a swing. Bandido blocks that to DECK Dean, but Bravo CHOP BLOCKS Bandido! Bravo shoves Bandido out for Dean to whip hard into railing!

The fans boo but Bravo says, “That’s how we get down! S T P!” Dean drags Bandido up and into the ring, then stays between him and Komander. The fans rally, but Dean RAMS Bandido into the corner! The Infantry mugs Bandido, the ref counts, and The Infantry lets off. Tag to Bravo and he CHOPS Bandido! Bravo puts a leg in the ropes, stomps it, then CHOPS! Bravo stomps Bandido again, then backs off as the ref reprimands. Bravo brings Bandido out, but Bandido fights the suplex! Bravo hooks a leg to FISHERMAN SUPLEX! Bridging cover, TWO! Not quite perfect, but Bravo drags Bandido from Komander with a HEEL HOOK!

Tag to Dean, Dean stomps Bandido, and Bravo says #TAIGASTYLE taught him that. Lee Moriarty gives a thumbs up, and Dean stomps Bandido. Dean puts Bandido’s leg on the ropes, then HIP DROPS it! The fans rally for Bandido but Dean stomps him down. Cover, TWO! Bandido stays in this but Dean drags him around by the leg. Dean drops an elbow on the knee! Then he drops an elbow on the other knee! Then back to the right knee! Then the left knee! The fans boo but Dean drags Bandido to the corner. Dean runs to ELBOW Bandido, then he tags Bravo. Dean scoops Bandido, Bravo goes up, ELBOW DROP BACKBREAKER!

Bravo swaggers while the fans boo, but then he goes back to cover Bandido. TWO, and the fans rally up. Bravo drags Bandido up to HEADBUTT, then he tags Dean. Dean sends Bravo in, but Bandido TOSSES Bravo out! Dean runs up, Bandido BOOTS him! Dean comes back, Bandido dodges and hobbles, hot tag to Komander! Komander springboards and salutes for the CROSSBODY! Bravo rushes back in, he has Komander, but Komander BOOTS Dean to go up and over Bravo! Komander shoves Bravo into Dean, then knuckle locks Bravo to CHOP! Komander goes up, jumps around, and FLYING RANAS Bravo away!

The fans fire up as Komander dodges Dean, ROCKS Bravo, then mule kicks Dean! Komander sends Dean into Bravo, then springboards to DROPKICK Bravo into giving Dean the DDT! Cover, but Bravo breaks it! Bandido runs up, Bravo wrenches and ROLLING ELBOWS! Bravo is fired up, but Komander SUPERKICKS him! Komander fires off on Dean with forearms and puts him in the corner. Bravo sneaks a tag while Komander climbs up. Komander rains down five punches, then whips Dean corner to corner. Dean reverses, Bravo runs up, CARLIE CROSSOVER! Then feed to Dean’s FLYING LARIAT!

The Infantry then hoist Komander up, wrench and URENAGE DOUBLE BACKBREAKER!! Bravo covers, but Bandido breaks it! The fans fire up as Dean whips but Bandido TOSSES him! Bravo runs up, Bandido SUPERKICKS him! The fans fire up as Bandido rises, but then Bravo distracts the ref. Shane Taylor gets on the apron, talks trash on Bandido, then ROCKS Bandido! Komander storms up, Shane grabs him, but Bandido comes back! Komander gives Bandido the boost to SUNSET FLIP POWERBOMB Shane onto Moriarty & Dean! The fans are all fired up as Komander then BOOTS Bravo, ENZIGIRIS, and calls to Bandido!

Komander tags Bandido, then he ROCKS Bravo! Komander goes corner to corner to go up, up, and ESCALARA MOONSAULT onto STP! Bandido scoops Bravo for the X KNEE!! Bravo is on the ropes. Bandido runs, BLACKJACK 21 PLEX!! Bridging cover, Bandido y Komander win!

Winners: Bandido & Komander, by pinfall

A big victory for Bandido y Komander! With Sueprcard of Honor just a few weeks away, who will step up to take on The Most Wanted for his most wanted ROH World Championship?

ROH World Six Man Tag Team Championships: Dustin Rhodes & The Von Erichs VS Johnny TV & MXM Collection!

The Natural may have been literally robbed of his belt, but he is still a champion alongside Marshall & Ross Von Erich. The Von Erichs are back to help Dustin take back that belt, will the Sons of Texas ride off into the sunset tonight? Or will they find they’re NOT #TVReady?

Speaking of not ready, Johnny, Mansoor & Mason Madden attack the Sons of Texas at the ramp! The fans boo the blindside attack, but Mansoor CLUBS Ross, Johnny CLUBS Marshall, and Mason stomps Dustin. Johnny kicks Marshall, Mason whips Dustin into the railing, and Mansoor RAMS Ross into the steel steps! The fans boo more, Mansoor tells them to shut up, but Marshall fights back! Marshall fires forearms, but Johnny CLAWS Marshall’s eyes! Mason sends Dustin into more railing, then LEG LARIATS Dustin down! Mansoor fires more shots on Ross, then he puts Ross in the ring for Johnny.

The ref checks on Ross, but Ross says he wants the match! The bell rings, and Johnny BOOTS, KICKS, ROCKS, and fires more shots on Ross! Taya Valkyrie shows off the remodeled ROH World Six Man belt while Johnny gives Ross some ground ‘n’ pound. The fans boo but Johnny drags Ross up. But Ross jumps to RANA! And then he arm-drags! And arm-drags again! And DROPKICKS! The fans fire up as Ross brings Johnny up, tags Marshall, and then whips so Marshall can DROPKICK! Cover, TWO! Johnny rolls to his feet, mule kicks Marshall, then hot tags Mansoor! But Marshall dodges to BLAST Mason!

Marshall ROCKS Mansoor with counter punch after punch, but Mansoor puts him in a corner for body shots and stomps! The ref counts, Mansoor digs his boot in, but then Mansoor stops at 4. Mansoor argues with the ref while sneaking kicks. Mansoor whips corner to corner, but Marshall comes back to LARIAT! Marshall fires more hands, then he UPPERCUTS! Marshall ROCKS Mansoor, wrenches and whips corner to corner, but Mansoor comes back! Marshall runs through the lariat to then LARIAT Mansoor! The fans fire up and Marshall calls his shot! CANNONBALL for Mansoor! Cover, TWO!

Marshall drags Mansoor up, headlocks, and Ross tags in. They mug Mansoor and the fans cheer that CHOP! Ross headlocks and grinds, but Mansoor hooks Ross’ nose! Mansoor headlocks now, but Ross powers up and out. Mansoor jumps the dropdown, Mason tags in, and Mason BLASTS Dustin off the apron to then LEG LARIAT SPINEBUSTER COMBO! The fans boo, Marshall protests, but MXM mugs Ross! Johnny joins in and they all stomp away! The fans rally for Dustin while Mason TOSSES Ross out. MXM distracts the ref so Taya can stomp away on Ross with those bright green boots!

The ref has to hold Marshall back, and Mason goes out to fetch Ross. Mason puts Ross in the ring, throat chops him, then fires body shots as he says he’s H O T T, O~ G~ O~! Tag to Mansoor, Johnny lets Chappell Roan know they’re big fans, and Mansoor BLASTS Marshall off the apron! Mason scoops Ross, Mansoor runs up, CATWALK SLAM! Cover, TWO! Ross survives and Mansoor snarls. Mansoor clamps on with a chinbar and armlock! Ross pries at the grip, reaches out for the ropes, and Marshall coaches him. Ross fights up, Mansoor holds him back, but then Mansoor THROWS Ross down by his hair!

The fans boo, but Mansoor drags Ross back to tag Johnny. Johnny stomps Ross, then drags him up, only for Ross to fire body shots! Johnny gets up and under Ross, Alabama ROLLING SLAM! Cover, TWO! Johnny stands over Ross and pulls on the arms while he tags in Mason. Mansoor runs around the outside to blindside Dustin! The fans boo and Marshall protests, but there’s nothing to be done as Mason drops an ELBOW on Ross! And another ELBOW! And then a JUMP ELBOW! Cover, TWO! Mason is annoyed, Dustin is down, and Mansoor tags in. Mansoor tells Marshall that he saw the Iron Claw movie, and it SUCKED!!

The fans boo but MXM hoist Ross up! Mason runs, but Marshall DUMPS him out! Ross CLUBS away on Mansoor, reaches for Marshall, but Mansoor holds onto a hand! Ross fires a forearm, the fans rally up, but Mansoor still holds on! Mansoor ducks the shot, back suplexes, but Ross lands out! DOUBLE LARIATS take both men down! The fans fire up as Ross and Mansoor crawl! But Mason is creeping up! Mason YANKS Marshall down, then THROWS him into the steel steps! And he CLUBS Dustin for good measure! Mansoor rolls up Ross, TWO! Ross feints high to BACKDROP Mansoor! Dustin rises up!

The fans are thunderous as Mansoor and Ross crawl, hot tags to Johnny and Dustin! The Natural rallies on the Guru of Greatness, then whips, but Johnny reverses! “Not Today!” UPPERCUT! SNAP POWERSLAM! Mansoor is in, but Dustin kicks and “Not Today!” UPPERCUT! SNAP POWERSLAM! Mason is in, but again, “Not Today!” But Mason grabs Dustin first! CHOKE- NO, Dustin slips free, and feeds Mason to a DOUBLE DROPKICK from the Von Erichs! Johnny CLUBS Dustin, whips, but Dustin hits a BULLDOG! Cover, Mansoor breaks it! The fans boo but Mansoor CLUBS Dustin. Mansoor whips, Dustin reverses, but Mansoor avoids the powerslam!

Mansoor DDTS Dustin, but Ross RANAS Mansoor! Johnny SUPERKICKS Ross! Marshall DISCUS LARIATS Johnny! Mason LEG LARIATS Marshall! Dustin storms up, Mason HEADBUTTS him! Mason runs, but Dustin dodges! Mason’s leg is in the ropes, and he begs Dustin not to. Dustin pokes Mason in the eyes! And then he puts Mason’s other leg in the ropes! Dustin takes a deep breath, but Johnny runs up! Dustin gets around and lifts Johnny, to stick him right in there with Mason! Taya protests, but that lets Dustin hit DOUBLE SHATTERED DREAMS!! Mansoor runs up, Dustin dodges, DESTROYER!!

Ross is in, and he gives Mansoor an IRON CLAW!! Marshall has Mason, and SLAM DUNKS him into Johnny’s TV! Johnny sits upright, right into Mansoor’s runway! Ross keeps Mansoor in a corner, and Dustin brings Johnny up! Dustin puts one out, then hits the FINAL RECKONING!! Cover, Sons of Texas win!!

Winners: Dustin Rhodes & The Von Erichs, by pinfall (still ROH World Six Man Tag Team Champions)

Taya is beside herself! Dustin gets his belt back as the Von Erichs keep theirs! Will no one ever truly stop The Last of His Kind from running the ROH Tag Division?

[Due to scheduling conflicts, coverage will be on delay]

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CHAIRSHOT RADIO NETWORK PODCAST SPECIALS

Attitude Of Aggression Podcast & The Big Five Project (chronologically exploring WWE's PPV/PLE history)

TheChairshot.com PRESENTS...IMMEDIATE POST WWE PLE REACTIONS w/ DJ(Mindless), Tunney(DWI) & Friends

Patrick O'Dowd's 5X5

Classic POD is WAR

Chairshot Radio Network Your home for the hardest hitting podcasts... Sports, Entertainment and Sports Entertainment!

All Shows On Demand

Let us know what you think on social media @ChairshotMedia and always remember to use the hashtag #UseYourHead!

Coverage

Andrew’s TNA iMAPCT! & Unbreakable Results & Match Ratings: 4.17.2025

iMPACT is the Pre-Show, Unbreakable is a TNA+ Special! See what happened!

Published

18 hours ago

April 18, 2025

Andrew Balaz

iMPACT! is getting the old Heat treatment as a TV episode pre-show. While nothing about the iMPACT episode seems overly intriguing, they all actually have narrative weight, and since the last two weeks have been devoid of weight and general cohesion…this might be a surprisingly good episode which would serve as a better pre-show than expected.

I’m still mad that it’s a damn Thursday and they want to have 4-5 hours of show because WrestleMania reasons. Even WWE realized doing long shows before workdays was stupid, so NJPW giving them the idea to break Mania into two nights is a boon for everyone over thirty.

Also the main reason I’m doing a joint article. Since Unbreakable starts immediately after iMPACT, I’m not gonna put up back to back articles. One stop shoppin it!

Will @AJFrancis410 be crowned the FIR$T TNA International Champion TONIGHT at #TNAUnbreakable?!

WATCH #TNAiMPACT on TNA+: https://t.co/rT1TusIxJd pic.twitter.com/rxiBn6PxPw

— TNA Wrestling (@ThisIsTNA) April 18, 2025

iMPACT! – Ratings:

Laredo vs Jason Hotch w/Tasha Steelz: Laredo wins via Laredo Fly – ** 1/4
Jazmyn Nyxx w/Fatal Influence vs Xia Brookside w/Lei Ying Lee: Xia wins via Small Package – **
KC Navarro vs Cody Deaner: KC wins via Loaded Fist – **
Maggie Lee & Heather by Elegance w/Personal Concierge vs Gigi Dolin & Tatum Paxley: Hot Topic Hotties win via Cemetery Drive – ** 1/4
Jakara Jackson w/Lash Legend vs Dani Luna w/Jody Threat: Dani wins via Luna Landing – ** 1/4
Leon Slater vs Brian Myers: Myers wins via Roster Cut – ** 1/2

Unbreakable – Quick Ratings:

Zachary Wentz vs Eric Young vs AJ Francis: Young wins via Piledriver – *** 1/4
Ace Austin vs Steve Maclin vs Eddie Edwards w/Alisha: Steve Maclin wins via KIA – *** 1/2
X Division Championship: Moose(c) w/Alisha vs Akeem: Moose wins via Lights Out – Long Squash
Mustafa Ali & Nemeths vs Hardys & Mike Santana: Jeff Hardy wins via Swanton Bomb – ***
Kaz & Tessa vs Joe Hendry & Masha: Hendry wins via Standing Ovation – ** 3/4
Barb Wire Massacre: Sami Callihan vs Mance Warner w/Steph De Lander: Callihan wins via Cactus Driver ’97 – ** 1/2
Inaugural International Championship: AJ Francis vs Steve Maclin vs Eric You: Maclin wins via K.I.A. – *** – TITLE CHANGE!!!

Results:

Laredo vs Jason Hotch w/Tasha Steelz

Laredo starts quick with a Straight Right, Tijeras, a few quick strikes, kicks Hotch out of the ring, wants a Plancha, but Tasha gets in the way to stop Laredo’s offense which gives Hotch an opening. Quick trip, a few chops and a hard Irish Whip has Laredo trying to catch his breath. Hotch tries to go for another Strong Irish Whip but Laredo reverses, two kicks, Flying Neckbreaker into a Missile Dropkick sending Hotch to the outside. Laredo finally pulls off his Suicida, and he’s rolling. Corner Forearm, Uno Mass Corkscrew Moonsaults, but Hotch manages to get away after two. A Snap Jab staggers Laredo, Ali style Outside In Rolling Neckbreaker and Hotch tries to take things to the top. But Laredo counters and Avalanche Michinoku Driver…only for two.

Laredo tries to keep things going, Back Handspring Crossbody, but Hotch catches him, big Tilt-a-Whirl Backbreaker for two. Hotch looks to the corner and then gets scared because he thinks Santana might strike, Hotch and Tasha argue, Laredo recovers and runs up the corner and hits the Laredo Fly for the win.

If @CodyDeaner can take down @KCwrestles tonight on #TNAiMPACT he punches his ticket Ultimate X at #TNARebellion! @milanmiracle

WATCH #TNAiMPACT on TNA+: https://t.co/rT1TusIxJd pic.twitter.com/T5zqKHVr24

— TNA Wrestling (@ThisIsTNA) April 18, 2025

Jazmyn Nyx w/Fatal Influence vs Xia Brookside w/Lei Ying Lee

Jazmyn and Xia go for a chain wrestling or World of Sport kind of start. Xia even gets out of the Head Scissors with the classic Hand Stand and pop. After a little taunting, Jazmyn tries to charge but Xia loops around for a flash Cradle, Nyx kicks out quick and retreats to her Fatal Influence friends for a breather. Xia catches her with a Dropkick, a few strikes and starts putting things together until Jazmyn catches her in the corner and Snake Eyes Xia the hard way and then starts leaning her into the ropes, a few Leg Sweeps, PK kicks and Jazmyn is in control. Fisherman’s Suplex Hold from Jazmyn but Xia kicks at two. She tries to fight back up but Jazmyn is using her positioning to keep control. Bulldog into the middle buckle, puts Xia between the ropes and lays in a Round Kick to her chest and Xia has been eating offense for the last few minutes. The crowd tries to rally the little British Angel, but Jazmyn lays in some forearms, hits the ropes, Xia ducks and they hit stereo High Kicks to double down for a few moments.

Xia starts to rally, gets a few shots in, Tijeras, Xia tries Angel Wings but Jazmyn moves. Jazmyn tries to stay on her, but a Jawbreaker gives Xia time to go to the corner, Xia hits the Crossbody, Angel Wings, and looks for a DDT or something but Fatal Influence get involved distracting everyone. Lei has Fallon hanled, but Jacy is mouthing off causing Rosemary to come down and make a Mist save. Jazmyn tries to be opportunistic, but Xia blocks her move and hits the Small Package for the win.

Overbooked and timing was a bit shoddy in some spots, but not offensive. Not bad, but not good either.

KC Navarro vs Cody Deaner

This is for a spot in the Ultimate X match. Here’s to hoping the Blessed One beats the hell out of the loser who’s about as over as Herpes. Meaning he never goes away, and he’s unlikable. Anyone that says “Funny Underdogs are needed on shows”, isn’t that like 60% of the roster? No one is funny if everyone tries to be funny. KC however, he’s fucking hilarious and amazing.

KC tries to pay off Deaner and get him to forfeit, Deaner of course does the underdog thing of fighting back, dumb looking punches, goofball corner spot that he lengthens to the put of looking dumb and not funny. Oh thank God KC hits the Spiderman in the ropes, ducks Deaner and 305 gets hit for a near fall. Now KC is rolling, nice quick offense, Snapmare, Front Roll Neck Snap, Stomp into Split into cover for only two. Deaner goes for the comeback, and a few Lariats, Bulldog, and everything looks soo stupid. Deaner puts KC in the Airplane spin, gets dizzy and then goes again, TKO for two.

Navarro tries to powder, Deaner goes after him but the ref gets Deaner off of him since KC was in the ropes, KC wraps his necklace around his knuckles and a quick Jab to the face as Deaner tries to suplex him, 1-2-3, Blessed WIN.

If Deaner was the only doofus guy he’d be fine, but when we have Santino, Arianna, Laredo, KC, Great Hands, Brian Myers, Dango, Alisha, Hendry (while not a doofus isn’t close to serious), Kaz, Elegance Brand (all 3 of them), Ryan Nemeth and those are just off the top of my head. Everyone can’t be silly or no one is silly and nothing matters.

Maggie Lee & Heather by Elegance w/Personal Concierge vs Gigi Dolin & Tatum Paxley

I’m gonna keep any Gigi drooling to a minimum since I respect my boy Wentz, but I will say, you gotta love Hot Topic Hotties. Yes I like walking red flags, I’m self aware, and okay with it.

Maggie and Gigi start, a few quick counters, Gigi manages the Double Hook Cradle for two, then Hot Topic Hotties go tandem with a Dropkick and a Twisting Elbow for another two. Tatum is officially legal, Maggie looks for the tag but Heather wants to push Maggie more. Which is exactly how ASH treated her. Tatum turns it around, Gigi tags in, Poetry Bronco, and then Kawada Kicks from Gigi. Concierge distracts, Maggie grabs her, Heather takes the cheap shot, Suplex from Maggie for two. Heather and Maggie get some offense in together, and Heather is working Gigi over in the heel corner. Unicorn Stampede essentially. Heather goes for a pinfall and its only 2. Heather is getting frustrated, Gigi with an Upkick headscissors, Heather tries to stop the tag out, but eats the Mule Kick.

Tatum starts beating on Heather, rams Heather into Maggie, Cartwheel Peach Sunrise, tags in Gigi, Double Headbutts and Cemetery Drive from the Hot Topic Hotties and everyone wins. Jesus…will never leave this chat, he started it.

Jakara Jackson w/Lash Legend vs Dani Luna w/Jody Threat

Things start a little slow, Collar & Elbow tie up that they won’t relent for a while, Jakara tries to turn it into a Headlock Takeover, but Dani is too strong. Dani gets a few shots in, hops the rope for something but Lash makes her present felt and trips Dani while Jakara distracts the referee. The referee didn’t see anything but ejects Lash anyway. Lash won’t go, tries to intimidate the ref and say no. Jakara keeps things moving against Dani while Lash takes her sweet time slowly walking away. Jakara tries a Roll-Up but Dani too thicc to keep down. Dani fights back up, scoops Jakara and drops her unceremoniously.

Jakara starts laying in a bunch of Falling Knees and gets a quick two, before locking in a Cravat that Dani tries to fight out of. Dani counters out of it, ducks the Line, and they crash into each other with Forearms. The Double Fall Down spot is a little played out and this is only the pre-show really.

Dani levels Jakara with a few Lariats, looks for the Luna Landing, Jakara slips it so Dani comes off the ropes with a Busaiku Knee. Luna wants a Blue Thunder but Jakara gets away until Luna grabs her again for the Rebound Blue Thunder Bomb and a near fall. Luna charges the corner, misses, Jakara hits the Tornado DDT, but only two. Jakara tries to ram Dani’s head into the buckles, but Luna blocks, fires and takes Jakara’s head off, Luna Landing gets his and Dani wins!

Elijah has a promo segment and they have a really Sesame Street style “Walk this Way” words on the screen thing. When they did the bouncing ball lyrics with Ron Killings, it was at least cool. This comes off as corny and low budget public broadcasting crap just for Elijah to announce an open challenge at Rebellion or something. Admittedly I zoned out cause I figured it would be nothing of note.

Leon Slater vs Brian Myers

Myers and Slater start in a shoving match jawing at each other, and then Leon lays in a Shoulder Tackle off the ropes, some jumping crap and Myers is getting bounced from corner to corner like a dork. Leon tries to continue the Around the World but a punch, Thrust Kick and Irish Whip across the ring gives him some confidence, but he eats the Feint Mule Kick, Back Handspring Back Elbow…and again System matches are “look stupid and get beat up for 70% of the match until a shortcut can be taken”. Speaking of short cuts, Leon goes for his Corner Leap, Myers guards from it, Leon repositions but gets tripped and eats a Spear. Then…we go to commercial.

Coming out of the commercials Myers is still in control. Leon slips out of a suplex and then connects with a flurry of offense, Myers eats more kicks than I can count, powders, Leon does his corner post leap, comes in and looks to win but an Implant DDT, dick kick and Roster Cut gives Myers the win.

Overall iMPACT! Rating: 5/10

Nothing special but at least it made some sense and was a better than the last few episodes. Low bar comparatively. Now immediately onto Unbreakable! So because this is a long night, I figured I’d do a Watch A Long with Mat Sarpraicone over on Dirt Sheet Radio because I have zero faith in Unbreakable being worth the 2-3 hours it will take to watch it.

So you’ll get quick results with ratings and an overall thoughts at the end of Unbreakable from me, because it’s late and I needed something to keep me awake.

Overall Unbreakable Rating: 4.5/10

The iMPACT! episode was easier to watch and digest, three Triple Threats is too many and the Main Event being a slow paced triple threat after a Barb Wire match and a bunch of faster matches really doesn’t resonate well with fans. Even though I didn’t love the Sami vs Mance match, ending on carnage and the “babyface” winning would’ve been a much better way to send the crowd home happy and we wouldn’t have needed so much time fill during the last hour of the show.

Maclin being the inaugural International Champion is cool, setting up the first defense against Eric Young is good for their story, so most of the marks were hit. It just was too damn slow and had no business being a main event. Champions vs Challengers was okay, but it only really picked up when Masha and Tessa were mixing it up. I liked Moose having the extended squash match for shits and giggles, but two Triples back to back to open the show is an easy way to burn out a crowd. Sure the Moose match was an extended piss break to recharge the crowd, but the card was just laid out awkwardly and things felt like far more of a chore than they should have.

All in all this was a very lame event. Yes I get it was purely stop gap to take advantage of WrestleMania weekend, but with Rebellion next week, we all knew it wasn’t gonna shake things up too much. But hot damn was I about to fall asleep if I wasn’t doing the watch-a-long to not pass out.