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Andrew’s Judgmental Album Reviews: Twelve Foot Ninja – Vengeance (2021)

Well the JAR was dropped into Australia and hot damn this band is unique. Their new album Vengeance really explores A LOT of musical influences. Does it pass judgment?

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Well the JAR was dropped into Australia and hot damn this band is unique. Their new album Vengeance really explores A LOT of musical influences. Does it pass judgment?

Now this is an interesting concept because I started enjoying this band more for their video for One Hand Killing and not immediately for the music. These psychopaths from Melbourne,Australia have this interesting ability to fuse retro, reggae, funk, industrial and hardcore all into this heavy metal package. When I first heard them they really struck me as a Mike Patton project…possibly just with more drugs directing the ship.

This sonic smorgasbord seems to be a concept album. The album came out with a graphic novel of Vengeance and a book entitled The Wyvern and the Wolf. These guys are nothing if not unique, but we’re not here to fuck spiders, so let’s get to the album!

  • Artist: Twelve Foot Ninja
  • Album: Vengeance (2021)
  • Label: Volcanik Music
  • Total Album Length: 34:17

Start the Fire starts off the album, so I guess it’s aptly named. Heavy space age sounds with a huge techno sound before the chorus breaks us into more of their chunky metal sound. The verses keep that calm almost introspective feeling going through the listless feeling of their story. With the chorus punching through the haze as more of a motivation to ‘start the fire” within the subject of the song to get going. Heavy dive bomb slides, drop D and that Mudvayne style of progressive nu metal works through the confusion of being wherever they are and having to light a fuse within. Long Way Home hits very early with a Coal Chamber vibe before instrumentally it kinda breaks into a weird Reggae thing. Like this song very literally sounds like Skindred could put it on one of their albums. A little Ragga-Metal with their humor and screaming choruses really livens up the sonic palate but it’s not bad…just a bit of a left turn, though lyrically I suppose it still fits with being somewhere else and having to work back home.

Vengeance has some techno elements but a lot of industrial with nearly mechanical sounds kicking off the first few seconds. “Hate is the dirt that I’ll bury you with – from the grave – that I dig myself” are really poignant lyrics. With such an interesting lyrical tone contained within this 2001: A Space Odyssey and Static X hybrid, the falsetto bridge into the more classic metal vocals for the chorus, and even topped off with what could be the arcade machine with a few lines. IDK I feel like this is going to be how a lot of people feel about this album…just I don’t know. But aside from starting with what is either an old 80s video game OR WALL-E from the movie of the same name, we then go into a Mother Love Bone swingy little jazz number before breaking that with a heavy IDK and going into a retro/Synthwave 80s chorus. This is exactly why the first time I heard these guys they reminded me of Mike Patton just driven by more drugs. The fact this song jumps from 80s arcade sounds, to Jazz to Nu-Metal to Synthwave, to a calming little beat mixed in with the old AOL Dial Up sound. I-D-K, perfect name for this song.

Shock to the System continues with the 80s Synthwave and the robot talking voice. The light guitar and atmospheric keyboard really keeps the huge 80s vibes, and then as we come to the chorus it gets heavier, but not insanely so. Then back to the distorted robo-voice. I definitely understand that most of the songs have a techno or 80s Synthwave vibe and keep the thread of the robotic thing…WHAT THE HELL! Now we have a tango break down, like OUT OF NOWHERE like an RKO. If the last song was really “I don’t know” the way this one jumps around is a real “shock to the system”. None of it’s bad, and as I was trying to say, the themes of the song and story seem to make enough sense, but this is just insane.

Gone sounds like a Simply Red song, so a little groovy pop with a distinct bassline and then the synth space ship, and oohh a little natural piano sound to sound almost like Eye of the Tiger. The very sexy Jazz fusion aspect, oh and a tambourine, the elements they throw in these songs seems to part of the fun I’m having. The end of the song sounds like a video game shutting off and then getting blown up. Culture War this kicks off with a music box and then punches you in the throat with some fast and heavy vocals and instrumentation. The chorus cleans up the vocals, but instrumentally it feels like Pantera Far Beyond Driven. A lot of guttural screams, blast beats and a guitar attack that reminds you the band is “mostly” a metal band. OH but of course we get a little Flamenco break before going fully into the sludgy Nu-Metal Slipknot style of attack for the next chorus.

Dead End starts with very echoed out spacey vocals, before picking up to more of a Sevendust level of anger. It’s still a melodic song, sung fairly well, with an interesting beginning to the choruses since they strip it down to heavier on the rhythm section before picking up the pace during the “I’m Runnin – I’m Runnin” lyrics, which paints a nice picture of being lost/trapped and trying to escape, but also being resistant to the change. Which funnily enough, I feel is something many people can relate to, especially the last few years. Over and Out featured Tatiana Shmayluk, and that’s interesting since she’s the lead singer of Jinjer. So if we know anything, she has an amazing range on vocals from a clear clean vocal to demonic guttural deliveries. She utilizes both aspects of her singing to help the imagery of the fatal attraction in death. Mortality, loss and confusion are big themes in this album, so the fact that Tatiana can be both an angel and devil vocally, makes her a perfect fit. Tangled is kind of a stripped down song, with what sounds like a violin and orchestral elements in what’s starting off as a ballad anyway. Very simple Hard Rock elements, as this continues to tackle the topic of death. Talking about being “tangled in the twilight – waiting for the night ahead”. Definitely ends the album oddly being as somber as it is, but in terms of telling the story, building towards death and then going through the whole journey makes sense. Just odd.

SO – what the hell did I just listen to? This album is all over the place, I can definitely understand how people might just chalk this up to being disjointed or a sonic dumpster fire; but that loses the plot. This album is part of a bigger artistic endeavor the band is going for, and tells a solid story like a musical soundtrack. If you listen to your favorite musical, every song doesn’t perfectly sync into one another, granted it may not jump genres as drastically, but there are still many that do.

With all that said, I had fun with the plethora of earworms, erratic at times additions of elements and just general energy level of the album. It is definitely not for everyone, and some may get frustrated, but the boys have been very busy, like a cat – burying shit on concrete. It’s quite busy…

Final Judgment: 8.5/10

 


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Mitchell’s Hyrule Puro-Resu News Report! (5/1/24)

The Gerudo Sisterhood is (not) fine.

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Mayday! Mayday!

The Triforce Anniversary did not go their way, and now The Gerudo Sisterhood sits down to talk it out. Will things (not) be okay again?

 

The Gerudo Sisterhood meet up.

In Gerudo Town, Riju sits in the throne room, Buliara by her side. Aveil, Nabooru and Urbosa arrive together. Riju asks where Tali and Shabonne are, and Aveil says she has no idea. Nabooru and Urbosa also don’t know, no one’s heard from either all month. Did she go back to sand seal racing? Nabooru checked around the track, checked the Great Dunes, no one there had seen her, either. Is Tali feeling that guilty about the spear? Everyone watched the tape back, it was by accident, she has nothing to feel bad about.

The group argues about that a bit. Tali went out there when she wasn’t supposed to. And even if it was an accident, she should still apologize, shouldn’t she? That’s a good point. Well, for now, they’ll just have to wait until Tali comes to them. For now, everyone needs to turn their attention to what’s coming: ThunderStruck.

The Gerudo Sisterhood double check the match card.

An Open Challenge for the Death Mountain Championship starts things off. Nabooru and Aveil tried to get that spot, but it seems someone already called their shot. Who do they think it was? Urbosa says, “Does it really matter? The Sisterhood will be right on the heels of the winner either way.” The others are all for that. Then The Dark Forces seem to be making moves. Cia has Ganon by her side, but who will Ruto have? Between Fin Balure and Bad Croc Scaly, she’s got strong choices, and Arrow Club could even parlay this tag match into a shot at the Termina Championship.

How’d Arrow Club figure out how to avoid Blood & Thunder this year? That’s anyone’s guess, but watching the UnderWorld Order battle it out with the rest of the Dark Forces will be just as much fun for the Sisterhood as it will be for the HPW Trios Champs. Kevin Gibdo, Volga, Zant and Wizzro aren’t exactly the friendliest bunch, but hopefully they give ReDead, Scaldera, Gomess & Death Sword the beating they deserve for all their underhanded moves. And it’d keep them from getting another chance at the HPW Trios titles at that.

The sore spot is the Triforce World Championship match. Yunobo has his shot at the title, and again Tali’s involvement in the Triple Threat cost the Sisterhood. But Link’s a three-time HPW Triforce Champion for a reason. For one, he won the Hyrule Warriors match, and he won the Eventide Challenge. Buliara points out that the other reason is that he lost the title along the way. If things come in threes, then will he lose a third time? Personally, Riju hopes not. She only survived that Beat the Clock Challenge against Link, and wants to settle things in a proper match. That’s also something the Sisterhood can get behind.

There’s thunder in the distance and they all look out the window to see a storm rolling across the desert. Thundra Plateau awaits, but who will rumble their way to victory?


My Thoughts:

Hooray for a hype article! Just imagine this as a really cool vignette video you’d see a major company put out. Also, I did need to keep the story of the Gerudo Sisterhood going, don’t want that slipping through the cracks. I’m feeling some intrigue as we move deeper into the Spring, this should be fun.


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Hockey Talk- Power Players [043024]

Hockey Talk reviews the action from the first round of the 2024 NHL Playoffs and looks forward to some intriguing matchups looming in the second round.

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Chairshot Radio Large

On this week’s edition of Hockey Talk, the guys take a look at the first round of the 2024 NHL Playoffs. The best teams and highest seeds flexed their muscle during the opening round of the playoffs. Out East, it was Chalk City as the Rangers, Hurricanes, Bruins, and Panthers took firm control of their respective series. The West, on the other hand, was far less certain as most of those series were shaping up to be tough, hard-fought, battles to the very end. Which teams impressed the guys the most and which likely second round series are they most excited about? Tune in and find out!

Today’s hosts: Dave Ungar (@AttitudeAgg) and Patrick O’Dowd (@WrestlngRealist)

  • 2024 NHL 1st Round Playoff Recap
  • The East goes according to form
  • The West is wild

About the Chairshot Radio Network

Created in 2017, the Chairshot Radio Network presents you with the best in wrestling and wrestling crossover podcasts, including POD is WAR, Women’s Wrestling Talk, Chairshot Radio daily editions, The #Miranda Show, Badlands’ Wrestling Mount Rushmores, The Outsider’s Edge, DWI Podcast, Bandwagon Nerds, the Greg DeMarco Show, 3 Man Weave, Five Rounds, Turnbuckle Talk, The Reaction and more! You can find these great shows each week at theChairshot.com and through our distribution partners, including podcasting’s most popular platforms.

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