Entertainment
Mitchell’s Hyrule Puro-Resu News Report! (12/31/21)
Dawn of the Final Day!!
HPW takes a closer look at the Goddess and Triforce Championships!
Before the #CelebrationofGreatness, HPW takes a closer look at major match-ups! Lastly: The Goddess and Triforce Championships!
Zelda and Hilda are parallels.
The Princess of Hyrule and Her Grace are roughly the same age, height and body mass index. They’ve both won the Bracket of Wisdom in the Triforce Tournament, just one year apart. And right now, they’re both preparing for their battle at the Celebration of Greatness. Though, this is where things differ.
Zelda is in the ring, sparring with other Sheikah students of Impa’s. One rushes in, she catches his clothesline to wrench then turn for a NECKBREAKER! She sobats the next one, front kicks her, then snapmares her for a KICK to the back! She arm-drags the next one away, but another waistlocks her. Zelda switches to shove him at the other, and then she double SHOTGUNS them both down. She kips up, dodges another clothesline to spin and HYLIAN KISS HEADBUTT him down! Zelda shakes her head and steadies herself to then dare the others to bring it.
Hilda does get into the ring, but mostly to model for a magazine shoot. She promises she’ll have special ring gear made for HyruleMania 2. She does do some drills, like running the ropes, rolling and hurdling over the others, and then pulling hair and throwing slaps around? Hilda says that while Zelda has Sheikah Style, she has “Lorule Style.” There’s no low she won’t sink to in order to win. Cut to her wrenching an arm, getting the wristlock, and bending the fingers! She also claws backs, punches while holding a headlock, and gets cheap shots while using the ropes as defense.
Per Sheikah Style, Zelda toughens up by letting herself get hit with hard kicks to her torso, front and back. Hilda only gives the kicks. When it comes to being outside the ring and in the gym, Zelda and Hilda both do squats, but Zelda has a considerably heavier amount on her bar, and doesn’t wink or make kissy faces between reps. Getting in the pool, Zelda swims hard laps. Hilda just relaxes in a shiny purple inner tube with a drink in her hand. And for the cooldown after, Zelda gets in an ice tub, while Hilda stays in the pool.
“So what if Zelda’s father is the King of Hyrule?” Hilda sneers. “I’m second generation, too, y’know. My father was the King of Lorule. Not that many people really remember him for much. But I will continue our legacy. I will grow our legacy. I will make it so no one can forget me when I dethrone the PrInCeSs~ at HyruleMania!” Zelda counters by saying, “Let her talk, let her boast, let her brag. In the end, I will be the one that reigns.” Will Hilda have Her Crowning Achievement at the Celebration of Greatness? Or will Zelda ring in the New Year with a ONE YEAR REIGN?
Link and Ravio… aren’t parallels.
Link is up at 5 AM to jog around Kakariko Village, Ravio is still asleep. At 7 AM, Link is in the ring, running the ropes. Ravio is still asleep. At 8 AM, Link practices his top rope moves to make sure he still hits them right. Ice Arrow (corkscrew moonsault) to the crash test dummy, somersault back to the corner, then Fire Arrow (corkscrew shooting star) onto the dummy. Ravio is woken up by his pet bird thing, Shiro. Ravio realizes its 8 AM, hurries out of bed to clean up, then he finally gets to working out on a treadmill for his morning run. Link goes through his other moves, like dropkicks, arm-drags, hip tosses, and handsprings. Ravio stops on the treadmill, already gassed.
Link and Ravio each go to their home gyms. Link bench presses twice as much and squats three times as much as Ravio, and for five more reps than Ravio, too. While Link is hitting the salmon ladder, Ravio struggles to get a single chin-up. But while Link does bicep curls, Ravio sets to work on Ravio branded items! He sticks the purple rabbit ears on a baseball bat, then on a few kendo sticks, and then he spray paints his rabbit ear logo on a chair! Ravio’s already planning on using these against Link!
Link finishes with the jump rope, and his sister tells him breakfast is ready. Ravio gets ready to spray paint another item, but Hilda shouts for him to get her breakfast. Ravio sighs and does as he’s told. The Hero of Hyrule is honorable and hardworking, while the purple rabbit is more like a purple weasel. But will Link’s training prepare him for what’s up Ravio’s proverbial sleeve?
My Thoughts:
Doesn’t feel quite as epic as last year, but we did get Link VS Ganondorf for HyruleMania 1. These are going to be really fun matches, because just like in the Legend of Zelda games, we’re getting true opposites fighting each other. Even more than Link and Kage are opposites, Link and Ravio have very different approaches to a match.
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Let’s Go Crazy! Let’s Get Nuts!
HyruleMania 5 approaches, and Kevin Gibdo must defend the Million Rupee Championship against Majora, who has something “special” in mind…
The Wrestling Roulette is spinning.
The wheel sits in a dark room, and the moon is visible through a round window. Majora says, “The moon goes through phases. It shows us different faces. The tides ebb and flow, going high and low, and put us through our paces. You think you can keep gambling? You think you can keep winning? You think you can survive as the wheel keeps spinning? Then let it go round ‘n’ round, round after round, and we’ll see who falls to the ground.” The wheel stops spinning, and lands on SPINNER’S CHOICE! Majora then busts through the wheel and gets right in the camera!
“Luck? Chance? Fate? Order? Chaos? W̸͉͚̫͎͎̎͗H̵͈̼̾̈́͋̅̆O̶͕̱͌͐͆̕ ̵̼̪̔̐̿̽C̶̭̫̉͘A̵̦̔̀̊͑͘Ŗ̸̡͓̘̀Ë̶̟͍̞̗́͒̀́͘͜Ş̵͎̩̹̈́͋̚͜?! What matters is victory and defeat! Controlling what you can control! And I swear that no matter what the wheel gives us, I will take that title from you! I use Spinner’s Choice to declare… MOON MADNESS!! Every three minutes, the wheel will spin and CHANGE match! Could you imagine the possibilities?! It makes my head spin!” And then his head spins!! Majora laughs maniacally, then his head stops so that it’s sideways. “There’s a fine line between genius and insanity. I’m about to cross that line, care to join me?” Majora has set the terms, will Kevin Gibdo succumb to Moon Madness?
My Thoughts:
Here I go again, trying to be really innovative and over the top. I almost thought adding stipulation on top of stipulation would work, but in many cases, there are match types that contradict each other. A peak behind the curtain of kayfabe here where I could just choose the stipulations that don’t do that, but it might also just be easier from a writing standpoint to just do away with contradictions and redundancies and just have this match constantly make left turns into new territory. Get ready for a wild ride on this one!
About Chairshot Radio Network
Launched in 2017, the Chairshot Radio Network presents you with the best in sports, entertainment, and sports entertainment. Wrestling and wrestling crossover podcasts + the most interesting content + the most engaging hosts = the most entertaining podcasts you’ll find!
MONDAY - Bandwagon Nerds (entertainment & popular culture)
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Entertainment
Hockey Talk- Winter (Classic) Is Coming [121724]
Hockey Talk looks at Alex Ovechkin’s recovery and when he might be back. Plus, the Winter Classic fast approaches. Is Chicago ready?
In this week’s edition of Hockey Talk, the guys discuss Alex Ovechkin’s pending return and whether this might mean the Caps could get better than they have already been. The Winter Classic will be coming to us from Wrigley Feild on New Year’s Eve, with Patrick’s St. Louis Blues tangling with the Chicago Blackhawks. The guys take a look at this game and discuss how things have changed since Wrigley last hosted the Winter Classic in 2009. The NHL will be selecting its Quarter Century teams over the next month or so and the fellas discuss who will be shoo ins and also speculate as to some possible deep cuts for some well-known teams.
Today’s hosts are Dave Ungar (@AttitudeAgg) and Patrick O’Dowd (@WrestlngRealist).
- Alex Ovechkin creeps closer to returning
- The 2025 Winter Classis is coming
- The guys discuss who might make the cut for some Quarter Century Teams
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About Chairshot Radio Network
Launched in 2017, the Chairshot Radio Network presents you with the best in sports, entertainment, and sports entertainment. Wrestling and wrestling crossover podcasts + the most interesting content + the most engaging hosts = the most entertaining podcasts you’ll find!
MONDAY - Bandwagon Nerds (entertainment & popular culture)
TUESDAY - Musical Chairs (music) / Hockey Talk (NHL)
WEDNESDAY - The Greg DeMarco Show (wrestling)
THURSDAY - Keeping the news ridiculous... The Oddity / Chairshot NFL (NFL)
FRIDAY - DWI Podcast (Drunk Wrestling Intellect)
SATURDAY - The Mindless Wrestling Podcast
SUNDAY - The Front and Center Sports Podcast
CHAIRSHOT RADIO NETWORK PODCAST SPECIALS
Attitude Of Aggression Podcast & The Big Five Project (chronologically exploring WWE's PPV/PLE history)
TheChairshot.com PRESENTS...IMMEDIATE POST WWE PLE REACTIONS w/ DJ(Mindless), Tunney(DWI) & Friends
Patrick O'Dowd's 5X5
Classic POD is WAR
Chairshot Radio Network Your home for the hardest hitting podcasts... Sports, Entertainment and Sports Entertainment!
Powered by RedCircle
Let us know what you think on social media @ChairshotMedia and always remember to use the hashtag #UseYourHead!