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Mitchell’s Hyrule Puro-Resu News Report! (8/19/22)
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Mitchell’s Hyrule Puro-Resu News Report! (8/19/22)

Let’s see who’s hot to trot!

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HPW News 2022

HPW heads for Trotter’s Downfall!

Summer is almost over, and HPW is preparing for the Fall! Big opportunities are up for grabs in Trotter’s Downfall, who will be our Dark Horses?

 

A new tradition is about to begin!

The same teaser video that was played during Treasure Island plays again. The sound of horses galloping on a dirt track. Glimpses of wild horses on the open plains. The galloping transitions to wrestlers running the ropes in the ring. The sound of the ring mat rumbling and the horses galloping blend together until they’re almost the same. “Those whose spirits cannot be tamed, run the race so that glory can be claimed!” Then the date, “9/18/22” and a logo flashes on screen.

HyruleProWrestlingPPVLogo DarkHorseStampedeforsoci by Cartridge88

And now, King Nicolas Foolyere is on screen at his desk in HPW Headquarters. “Hello, HPW faithful. King Nicolas here, honored to announce the newest event that will be a staple of the HPW calendar.

“The Hyrule Warriors match at Clash of Fates is already becoming a grand tradition, with many stars in pro-wrestling, young and old, wanting in on the 33 spots and that golden opportunity to challenge for the HPW Triforce Championship. As such, the selection process is already proving very difficult. We can’t just favor veterans and legends of the business with so much young and hungry talent coming up. So HPW has created a solution in what we’re of course calling, The Dark Horse Stampede. On one night, we will see TEN up-and-coming names in wrestling in five one-on-one matches, and the winners will qualify for the Hyrule Warriors match. The eight entries will be…”

 

Ladrona the Thief Girl!

With sticky fingers and a keen eye, they mysterious and alluring Ladrona is always looking for a prize to swipe. But she never breaks the law, only the rules! She’ll even steal your heart if you aren’t careful. She wants in but will have to earn it. Who does she take this golden ticket from at the Dark Horse Stampede?

 

Laine of the Gerudo!

We’ve seen Tali make history when she became Death Mountain Champion, and we saw the Desert Flowers, Riju, Aveil & Buliara, make history when they became Trios Champions. Another rising star from Gerudo Valley could make history winning a spot in the Hyrule Warriors match! Will Laine bring the pain to the Dark Horse Stampede?

 

Rod Wyler of Parapa!

The “Greatest Wosu-ler of This Or Any Generation” is already salivating knowing he’s getting this opportunity. He’s got a chip on his shoulder and a bone to pick with everyone that got to HPW before he did, and looks to bury everyone put up against him. But will Rod become the Top Dog among these Dark Horses?

 

Teba of Rito Village!

Stoic and stern with eyes like a hawk, the White Winged Warrior is one of the best high fliers today, as well as a technical prodigy. This hybrid style has made Teba a big name coming out of Hebra Wrestling Heights, and the entire region as a whole. Will Teba swoop in and take one of those tickets to Clash of Fates?

 

Donny B. Kool, He Ain’t No Fool!

The OG, Original Geru, is slick, quick, and has hands like bricks! Before you know it, you’ll go splat on the mat and that’ll be that. Donny puts in the work because he ain’t no jerk, but don’t push him or he’ll go berserk! The Dark Horse Stampede could be his chance, will Donny slide all the way to the big dance?

 

Odolwa of Woodfall!

This tall, tribal blade dancer with body covered in tattoos has dominated his hometown wrestling scene in the Woodfall region of Termina. The Sword of the Southern Swamp has cut through into Hyrule, and his combination of speed and endurance has him running circles around most competition. Will he be dancing over fallen opponents on the way to the Clash of Fates?

 

Armos Knight, The Living Statue!

Whether or not he really is a statue brought to life, Armos Knight certainly looks carved from stone and is just as sturdy. He’s steamrolled many an opponent in his young career, and this could be the biggest moment of his career yet! Will Armos Knight bulldoze through this Dark Horse Stampede?

 

Byrne Lokomo, The Iron Claw!

Byrne isn’t a young, new wrestler, but he has finally built momentum as HPW has reached prominence. It almost seems like fate, and Byrne is blazing down the tracks towards this opportunity. Will he finally reach the top of the mountain through this Dark Horse Stampede?

 

The Great Boomerang, Hero to Goriyas Everywhere!

This masked luchador from the desert is hungry, for glory! And just as the name implies, you can throw him around all you want, he’ll just come right back! Wanting to represent for the Southwest Hyrule region as well as Goriyas around the world, Boomerang is taking aim at the top of HPW. Will that journey begin with the Dark Horse Stampede?

 

Ralph of Labrynna!

Although he is stubborn and hotheaded, rarely pondering the consequences of his own actions, he is a noble character deep down, not letting anyone get away with underhanded tactics. Ralph will throw caution to the wind and his body into his opponent’s if it means being victorious. Will he do just that to enter the Hyrule Warriors match?


My Thoughts:

I really love every single hype piece I just put in here, but especially the ones for Rod Wyler and Donny Be Kool. Ten new names, even though I haven’t fully used names from the past either. It’s just me, myself and I running HPW, so of course I’m running into problems like that, but I’ll do my best with this homestretch into late 2022 to give out more screen time and opportunities like the Dark Horse Stampede.

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Bandwagon Nerds #288: Disney In The Desert

Disney makes a controversial decision about where it is building its 7th theme park. Plus, loads of trailers, Thunderbolts* news, DCU updates, and more!

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Bandwagon Nerds Mario

Patrick returns to the show this week and leads the guys through a stacked Trailer Park, including the most recent previews of Old Guard 2, The Long Walk, Peacemaker Season 2, and Stick. Patrick also shares his thoughts with Dave and Tunney about Thunderbolts* and addresses some interesting rumors about what didn’t make it into the film. Meanwhile, Disney makes a very divisive decision about a 7th theme park, and President Trump’s trade war targets the film industry. It sounds crazy, but it’s true. If you are curious, we have answers, so make sure you tune in!

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About Chairshot Radio Network

Chairshot Radio Network

Launched in 2017, the Chairshot Radio Network presents you with the best in sports, entertainment, and sports entertainment. Wrestling and wrestling crossover podcasts + the most interesting content + the most engaging hosts = the most entertaining podcasts you’ll find!

MONDAY – Bandwagon Nerds (entertainment & popular culture)

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CHAIRSHOT RADIO NETWORK PODCAST SPECIALS

Attitude Of Aggression Podcast & The Big Five Project (chronologically exploring WWE’s PPV/PLE history)

http://TheChairshot.com PRESENTS…IMMEDIATE POST WWE PLE REACTIONS w/ DJ(Mindless), Tunney(DWI) & Friends

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Launched in 2017, the Chairshot Radio Network presents you with the best in sports, entertainment, and sports entertainment. Wrestling and wrestling crossover podcasts + the most interesting content + the most engaging hosts = the most entertaining podcasts you’ll find!

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SATURDAY - The Mindless Wrestling Podcast

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CHAIRSHOT RADIO NETWORK PODCAST SPECIALS

Attitude Of Aggression Podcast & The Big Five Project (chronologically exploring WWE's PPV/PLE history)

TheChairshot.com PRESENTS...IMMEDIATE POST WWE PLE REACTIONS w/ DJ(Mindless), Tunney(DWI) & Friends

Patrick O'Dowd's 5X5

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Mitchell’s Hyrule Puro-Resu News Report! (5/9/25)

June will be electric!

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Prepare for the most electrifying even of the HPW calendar!

While the stage is set for Blood & Thunder 4 and the HPW World Trios Championships, HPW must also address the return of KAGE!

 

Thundra Plateau is ready.

Wrestling is Life, but life has its stormy weather. The rain is going to be hot in June, but will the reign continue through the Summer? The Dark Forces may have failed to take the Undisputed Triforce World Championship from Zelda, but they still have the World Trios Championships. Harlequin, Lupay & Glutko will step inside the double ring, double cage to defend their gold. On one side, Arrow Club’s special combination of Fin Balure, Torbevito & Bad Croc Scaly. On the other, a new combination of its own in Cia, Lana & Midna.

 

Speaking of Cia, Lana & Midna…

The three of them are together, dressed in workout attire, in what appears to be a dance studio. This is a collaboration stream for Midna and Lana as they’re both big presences on the internet, aka “influencers.” Lana and Midna wave and say hi, and they give introductions, including Cia, who is reluctant to be standing there. Cia doesn’t know why they need to do this. Lana says they have to improve their teamwork. They may have won against Los Taros Locos, but it was really sketchy there for a second. Midna adds that doing a dance routine together is great for their timing and coordination.

Cia says she didn’t mean that, she meant having to stream it! Oh, well obviously, combining Midna’s viewing audience with Lana’s, and HPW’s overall, this makes huge numbers! So? And huge money…! Cia raises her eyebrow and says, “Oh really?” The trio sets up, and Lana says obviously they first have to learn the steps. Midna brings up, “Wait, what song are we dancing to?” Oh, good point. Lana was thinking something from Lulu. Cia asks, “Lulu? From the Indigo-Go’s?” Midna says Lulu’s got a great solo album. Lana agrees! That’s so great that they like the same music. Cia isn’t as familiar with her solo stuff, so she’ll rely on them for this.

Lana suggests they go with Energetic Me. For one, it has the most energy, duh. And it still has a dance vibe, which is the whole point. Midna says she might’ve gone with Royal Discotheque or Ten Outta Ten, but she sees Lana’s point. Lana shows them the dance moves she has in mind. Left arm up, bent at the elbow, and the hand up against the side of the chest. Then they switch so the right arm goes up to mirror that position while the left hand goes back to the hip. Maybe add a little hip pop as that happens. Do that a couple times, and then turn to the right. This puts the left hand on the back of the hip, right hand on the back of the neck for a sexy pose.

Then you turn to flip it the other way, then do a 360 with a big neck whipping, hair flipping move. Then finish with feet apart and double V’s up by the eyes, maybe with a wink. Cia says, “Yeah, okay…” while Midna says, “I like it!” Midna says she’ll set up in the middle. Cia asks why Midna is in the middle, and Midna says it’s symmetry. She’s the tallest, Cia and Lana are about the same, it makes sense. Yeah, but it also means Midna is the center of attention. Well, that’s just coincidental. Lana says it doesn’t matter, the point is them doing it all in synch. Cia sighs and says, “Fine.” Midna is in the middle, Cia is on her right, and the music plays.

Left arm, right arm, left arm, right arm, pose to the right, pose to the left, 360 spin and neck whip, then double V. Midna nailed it, but Cia was lagging. Cia defends she was not, but Lana says it’s alright, they’ll just keep trying. They run through it a couple more times, they do tighten it up, and all three feel really good about how that went.

The Dark Forces are watching.

They aren’t impressed by the “little dance party.” Harlequin says the Faces of Evil are way better anyway. Especially with the classics like the Thriller dance and Macarena. Zant says, “The Macarena? Pfft, and people think I’m a dork…” Harlequin says, “Don’t you dare mock the Macarena!” Harlequin changes tabs on the computer and starts playing the song! After the introduction, he lifts his right arm up flat, then his left. Then he turns the right hand up, the left hand up, puts his right hand on his left shoulder, left hand on right shoulder, then moves right hand up behind his head, and then his left.

Now his arms crisscross, right hand on left hip and left hand on right hip, to then switch so right hand on right hip and left hand on left hip. And of course, he swivels his hips in one big circle to go with “HEY~ Macarena! AIGHT!” Zant rolls his eyes while Harlequin keeps going, jumping 90 degrees to his left. Ganon walks in, Ghirahim following behind, and he tells Harlequin to “turn that crap off.” Harlequin pouts but he does as told. Ganon seethes as he takes a seat in his big arm chair. “Needless to say… Wrestling is Life didn’t go how I’d hoped. What was Kage even doing there?! Did either of you have any idea he was going to betray us?!”

Zant and Ghirahim are a bit flustered. Zant isn’t even sure Kage was part of The Dark Forces at the time Ganon took ownership. He’d kinda gone rogue at some point, didn’t he? Ghirahim agrees, it didn’t seem like he was even aligned with Cia and the others. All the more reason for Kage to keep his nose out of Ganon’s business! If Kage cared about the Dark Forces, then he would’ve helped them fight back at HyruleMania, or any time since. Kage clearly just wants the title, same as Ganon, so he’s a dead man walking. Speaking of that… Where’s Kevin? He came back in April, why isn’t he here?

 

Somewhere dark and spooky…

Heavy footsteps can be heard echoing as Kevin Gibdo moves down the hallway. He speaks with a low, airy voice, “Majora… Your madness… spread like wildfire… You thought by setting me ablaze… I would crumble into ash… You were wrong! Instead, I have been purified…! Purged of flaws and weaknesses… I now come forth… as gold!” There’s a light at the end of the hall, and Kevin enters a grand hall, with treasure gleaming in the light. At the center is the sarcophagus. Kevin walks up to it, opens it, and then his burnt and tattered bandages fall away before he steps inside. The sarcophagus closes, then the eyes on it begin to glow… Then the entire thing glows!

The glowing becomes a shining light, and that shining becomes so bright that nothing can be seen. It is clear things between Kevin and Majora are not over. Will the Masked Monster even stand a chance once the Gibdo of All Gibdos is restored to full strength?

 

Back to the Dark Forces…

Shabonne says, “I’m sure Kevin is just fine doing whatever Gibdos do on their time off.” Tali says, “What matters is what I’m about to do to that tiny little weasel with the Goddess Championship. If The Dark Forces is gonna have all the gold, then I need to squash her like a bug and take that title off of whatever’s left!” Ganon nods and says he likes the initiative. Tali will start on her own Triple Crown as the Dark Forces will make Hyrule Pro-Wrestling their kingdom! The group cheers while raising a toast! And then Harlequin gets Glutko and Lupay to join in on the Macarena, to which Ganon groans and facepalms.

 

And so, the ThunderStruck card is set!

The double ring, double cage will rattle with Blood & Thunder as the HPW World Trios Championships are on the line! The Gerudo Ace looks to settle a grudge with the Hero’s Shadow! And now, the Million Rupee Championship and HPW Goddess Championships will also be on the line! Will the Dark Forces absolutely dominate the Summer? Be ready to endure the heat on Friday, June 20th!

About Chairshot Radio Network

Launched in 2017, the Chairshot Radio Network presents you with the best in sports, entertainment, and sports entertainment. Wrestling and wrestling crossover podcasts + the most interesting content + the most engaging hosts = the most entertaining podcasts you’ll find!

 MONDAY - Bandwagon Nerds (entertainment & popular culture)

TUESDAY - Musical Chairs (music) / Hockey Talk (NHL)

WEDNESDAY - The Greg DeMarco Show (wrestling) 

THURSDAY - Keeping the news ridiculous... The Oddity / Chairshot NFL (NFL)

FRIDAY - DWI Podcast (Drunk Wrestling Intellect)

SATURDAY - The Mindless Wrestling Podcast

SUNDAY - The Front and Center Sports Podcast 

CHAIRSHOT RADIO NETWORK PODCAST SPECIALS

Attitude Of Aggression Podcast & The Big Five Project (chronologically exploring WWE's PPV/PLE history)

TheChairshot.com PRESENTS...IMMEDIATE POST WWE PLE REACTIONS w/ DJ(Mindless), Tunney(DWI) & Friends

Patrick O'Dowd's 5X5

Classic POD is WAR


Chairshot Radio Network Your home for the hardest hitting podcasts... Sports, Entertainment and Sports Entertainment!

All Shows On Demand


Powered by RedCircle


Let us know what you think on social media @ChairshotMedia and always remember to use the hashtag #UseYourHead!
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