So it’s definitely a weird last few years, where reports of his death were greatly exaggerated; but beyond that…he went from no new album since Scream (2010) to having 2 in a 3 year span.

He needs no introduction be you an old school music fan or a big fan of reality TV. My only complaint at first blush is, this is Ozzy’s 13th solo album…and he’s calling it Patient Number 9. I always find it pretty stupid when people put numbers in their album title that don’t coincide with a release date or the album’s place in the discography. That’s a personal gripe though, I can only hope this has a little more grit than Ordinary Man (2020). While it had a few decent songs, it generally felt like it ran out of steam early.

• Artist: Ozzy Osbourne
• Album: Patient Number 9 (2022)
• Label: Epic Records
• Total Track Time: 61:10

Patient Number 9 (feat Jeff Beck) well I think we can all admit, Ozzy’s had an unique voice forever but not inherently great. So the vocal tricks are noticeable, but it has a nice Mr. Crowley kind of vibe and it’s catchy. The rhythm guitar riff that drives the song is simple yet intoxicating and the chorus is easy to want to sing along to. Jeff Beck adds great rock and jazz phrasing through his playing that makes this a really enjoyable listen. The song is also about a mental patient, so typical darker Sabbath-esque themes, not a lot to dive into lyrically. Immortal (feat Mike McCready) now this shouldn’t surprise anyone that it sounds like a more modern Pearl Jam song, but with Ozzy singing. And since Mike McCready is the Pearl Jam guitarist, no one should be shocked there. While I find this…boring and typical radio rock (I also hate Pearl Jam, so that for what you will), it’s not offensive just inane. Parasite (feat Zakk Wylde) okay so now we get Zakk Wylde who’s been Ozzy’s guitarist since 1988 on a good portion of the catalogue. While the song takes a story telling approach like many of Ozzy’s songs, this feels too sparse. Musically it’s driven by a quick drum tempo, but it just doesn’t feel like it goes anywhere. While that works for the imagery; “Mother tried, But everything I do makes her wanna cry, Father, why?, Why are you haunting me every night like a parasite?”, as a song it feels like its spinning its wheels and its just an empty calories song. Still a small step up from the second song, but that’s not what I would call a high bar.

No Escape From Now (feat Tony Iommi) so the intro is this drowned/echoed haunting intro before we get the dark crunch of Iommi‘s guitar. This has a level of ominousness that gets amplified by the choruses lightening things while keeping the swirling feeling very relevant. The dark guitar tone is just creeping this song into glory though. Everything about the structure of the chorus instrumentation is great to bring up to the continued futility of the chorus. We even get a little of the classic Sabbath Blues influence about 2/3rds of the way through the song as we go from the bridge to last bit. One of Those Days (feat Eric Clapton) this has an interesting vibe to it. It’s Bluesy and fits the album well, but Clapton adds a brightness to his playing, which reinforces the imagery in a fun way for this song. In a song about losing your faith, Clapton’s guitar maintaining the beacon of hope, is very cool. “Hey, hey, have I lost my mind?, Killing myself but I never die, It’s one of those days that I don’t believe in Jesus, No, no, Hey, hey, have I lost control?, Drinking my sins, never drown my soul, One of those days that I don’t believe in Jesus”, that’s the chorus and it’s done with such an interesting, nearly folk melody, that it’s very ear wormy.

A Thousand Shades (feat Jeff Beck) okay well I’ve never thought Ozzy did ballads well, so no matter how good the guitar playing is; that won’t save this song. The metaphors are tired, his voice isn’t what I would call “soothing” or “reassuring”; so yeah, this is pathetic. Mr. Darkness (feat Zakk Wylde) so the opening starts acoustic and made me think I put on some Baltimora. But when the vocals kick in, we’re in this weird mid tempo fan perspective song about this “Mister Darkness”. The chorus changes the tempo too abruptly. I don’t really know what to say about this song, aside from, I don’t like it at all. It’s like he took a fan letter and turned it into a song, and it’s just…cringe. Nothing Feels Right (feat Zakk Wylde) thankfully this isn’t a ballad like I initially thought. This is a slower tempo reflective song about depression and suicidal thoughts. The music is just driving enough to amplify points in the song and give off the desperate perception. It’s very well done and I like the way the chorus flows; “I’ve been calling out for someone, Mouth around the gun, Nothing feels right, Nothing feels right, All the pain gets trapped in my lungs, Drowning in my blood, Nothing feels right, Nothing feels right”.

Evil Shuffle (feat Zakk Wylde) I can’t take this song seriously. The title sounds like something Laszlo would’ve written in What We Do In The Shadows. I feel like fans of Ozzy will like this song because its catchy, slightly entertaining and has most Ozzy staples…but it’s stupid. Evil Shuffle is like Freddy, Michael Myers and Pinhead playing shuffle board in the evil retirement home. I mean the sheer stupidity of the title makes me overlook the fact that musically the song is fine, but the title is for babies. Degradation Rules (feat Tony Iommi) well you can tell when it’s a Tony song because the tuning comes down to that nice Sabbath darkness. At least the sophomoric aspect of this song is hidden beyond the title, and its simplicity makes it less annoying. It’s a very groovy and simple song about a kinky dude who likes to masturbate a lot. So it’s not gonna solve world hunger or cause a giant think tank for the smartest philosophers of our time…but it’s amusing, especially the little RedTube plug at the end.

Dead and Gone is a song I haven’t found a ton to say. It’s very melodic and radio rock, but not inherently bad. I’m surprised it wasn’t the lead single since it has that catchy, yet forgettable, air about itself. So I’ll say its a serviceable song, but I’m not really compelled to care one way or another. God Only Knows has a very somber tone without being an outright ballad. Feels more like a King’s X song than Ozzy Osbourne song. But I do enjoy the chorus; “God only knows what’s going on, My life has become the saddest song, Better to burn in hell than fade away, fade away, God’s looking down on what we’ve done, Watching the children play with guns, Better to burn in hell than fade away, fade away”; taking the control out of his hands while also playing with the Neil Young line of “It’s better to burn out than fade away”. This does have a similar problem to Dead and Gone though, where it’s not bad but; it is very much forgettable. Darkside Blues even though it’s a less than 2 minute little outro, it starts with heavy Bayou Blues instrumentation. I definitely love the little Blues elements that Ozzy peppered in this album and got mostly the correct guitarists.

I think it’s pretty much obvious that this album is better than Ordinary Man (2020) but not by as much as others are saying. There are still a few worthless songs, empty calories, stupid concepts and overall generic sounding songs that will never be remembered by anyone who isn’t a die hard Ozzy fan. Counting the outro is 13 songs, I can say there’s at least 8 good to great songs on this album. Plus I can also say the really great songs like Patient Number 9 and No Escape From Now help to even out some of the garbage.

Therefore, it’s not a bad album. It’s not fantastic, but it’s definitely serviceable and a step in the right direction.

Final Judgment: 6.05/10