Entertainment

Mitchell’s Hyrule Puro-Resu News Report! (9/19/22)

Fallout from the Dark Horse Stampede!

Published

3 years ago

September 19, 2022

Steven Mitchell

Welcome to the winner’s circle!

Ten ran the race but only five reached the goal! HPW Dark Horse Stampede has paved the way to Clash of Fates, hear from the future of wrestling!

Teba walks in.

“Oh, right, I forgot you guys do this kind of stuff.” Teba walks up to the cameraman. “Well, uh, I won fair and square, but Wyler was a sore loser. I put him in his place after, and now I’m moving on. That Hyrule Warriors match is a great opportunity, and also just a great concept to really test your resolve. I’m really looking forward to this, and I hope to see you all there.” Will the White Winged Warrior be THE Hyrule Warrior going into this year’s HyruleMania?

Ladrona walks in.

She waves hello and walks over. “Did you like what you saw? Yeah? Good stuff, huh? I think I got a bit lucky there at the end, but y’know, sometimes luck’s all you need. Heck, a lot of the Hyrule Warriors match is luck, y’know? You get sent out early, you really gotta fight through to make it to the end. But you get sent out late, you’re fresh and able to get at those who’ve been fighting for like half an hour or something. So wish me luck.” Ladrona winks and heads out. The Thief Girl’s charms have gotten her this far, will she make it to the end of the Hyrule Warriors match?

Ralph walks in.

The Lad from Labrynna is fired up after his win. “That’s how it’s done! I didn’t need to dance around and start some silly chant. I did what pro-wrestlers do, and that’s wrestle. And that is why Donny the entertainer lost! The Hyrule Warriors match is going to be full of fighters and wrestlers, and I’ll take them all on if I have to. I’m not just aiming for the top spot, I’m going to take the top spot, and I’m going to go to HyruleMania 3 and the Triforce Championship. Put money on it!” Ralph’s incredibly confident, but will he win it all betting on himself?

Donny B. Kool stops by?

This is quite the surprise, as none of the other losers wanted to stick around. “Hey guys, I know things didn’t go my way, but that’s the game we play. Ralph won fair and square, but your boy Donny’s not going anywhere. Who knows where, who knows when, but you will see me again. Alright, y’all, be cool to each other now.” Donny heads out, but what will the future hold for the Original Geru?

Odolwa walks in.

Odolwa beats his chest and growls as he flexes. “I am Odolwa, God of Woodfall… I demand tribute in the form of competition! And I shall find satisfaction in the Hyrule Warriors match! All 32 other fighters shall fall before me! And then, so will the Triforce Champion! WHOA-SHAA!” Odolwa leaves after shouting his war cry, will he sharpen his edge against the best HPW has to offer?

Byrne Lokomo and Chancellor Cole walk in.

The miniature manager leads the way, applauding and motioning towards his victorious client. “Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce myself. I am Chancellor Cole, and this is not just the Man with the Iron Claw, this is not just the man who won the main event of the first-ever Dark Horse Stampede. This is the man who will win the main event of Clash of Fates, then win the main event of HyruleMania, Byrne Lokomo. Armos Knight is big, Armos Knight is strong, and Armos Knight is tough. But if not even the big, strong and resilient Living Statue could stop Byrne, then nothing, and I mean nothing, will stop him from taking the HPW Triforce Championship.”

Byrne flexes his iron claw and says, “A train is hard to stop once it’s built momentum. I have momentum now, and I’m only going to pick up speed. Nothing will derail me from the track I’m on. So either get out of the way or get run through.” Byrne heads out and Cole follows, will this be a nonstop trip to the top of HPW?

My Thoughts:

It only felt fair to get some “fallout” promos from our Dark Horses, since we get these same kind of promos after big events with the big names. And I decided to include Donny because he’s just a really fun character. I really do want to find a spot for him in HPW, but we’ll just have to wait and see how things shake out in our homestretch (Clash of Fates, Fyter Feast and HyruleMania).

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