Entertainment

Mitchell’s Hyrule Puro-Resu News Report! (9/24/22)

Prepare for the Clash of Fates!

Published

3 years ago

September 24, 2022

Steven Mitchell

The Hyrule Coliseum will be shining with gold!

HPW returns to the Hyrule Coliseum, and the champions are under siege! Will Arrow Club regret collecting so many belts?

Zelda and Hilda prepare for their showdown!

Set to Heart Piece’s on Fire, Her Grace is sparring with Ravio, pumping weights and running on a treadmill. But the Princess of Hyrule is out in nature, going as hard at jump rope as she can. She also does sit-ups while hanging from a tree branch, Impa holding her in place. Zelda chops wood and lifts rocks, Hilda uses a resistance machine for her ab crunches and they both run the ropes in rings. Zelda does intense leg lifting, ab testing core exercises while Hilda tests the strength of her kick! 1850! 1995! 2045! 2150!! Zelda drop steps on the dirt road while Hilda practices handsprings on a gymnastics floor.

Zelda jogs the snowy roads of Hebra while being chased by Impa on horseback, and Hilda has Ravio forge her a secret weapon. They both are seen running uphill, but Hilda is on a smooth ramp while Zelda is on a rocky mountain path in the Eldin region! Zelda reaches the summit and shouts, “HILDAAAA~!!” The determination echoes out, but whose spirit will be truly unbreakable in this showdown of goddesses?

SA’OTEN!

The Desert Flowers, Riju, Aveil & Buliara, arrive at the Kara Kara Bazaar oasis and make their way to the Kara Kara Inn. Waiting inside are Tali & Shabonne. “Vasaaq, ladies,” Shabonne greets. “Come, have a seat.” “Sarqso,” Riju says. The Desert Flowers sit on the pillow seats across from Shabonne & Tali at their short-legged round table. Do they want something to eat? No, thank you. Okay, what about to drink? No, no, it’s fine. They just want to get to the business Shabonne mentioned in her call. Right, of course. Shabonne called them here to talk about a common enemy: The Arrow Club.

Buliara asks how Arrow Club is a common enemy. Well, the Desert Flowers lost their HPW Trios Championships at ThunderStruck, and then Arrow Club swoops in to take those titles off Ganondorf and his team. Then, they recruit “that little guppy” to cheat the HPW Death Mountain Championship off Tali. Therefore, the five of them have a reason to target the Arrow Club. The five of them? Is Shabonne going to fight, too? Hey now, they’re all Gerudo sisters. When they win, she wins! Alright, sure. But then how does she suggest they go about this? Is this to create a faction? Not necessarily. But Shabonne is thinking of a team-up.

And so, a video was posted.

“Yo, Arrow Club!” Shabonne starts. “You voes think you’re hot stuff just because you grabbed up gold. As far as I am concerned, Torbevito stole the Death Mountain Championship from Tali and do not deserve to have the title after failing all those times before!” Riju steps in to say, “And as for the Trios Championships, the Desert Flowers deserve a chance at redemption. Ganondorf’s team won those belts in a Triple Threat, pinning Forged By Violence. We should’ve gotten a rematch, but we’ll settle for turning Bad Croc Scaly and the Young Ducks into the new shortest reigning champions in HPW history.”

“But we know we can’t just say we’re the challengers,” Shabonne says. “So here’s the deal. At Clash of Fates 3, HPW makes history with its first QUARTET MATCH! Four on four to settle the score, and WINNERS TAKE ALL! If Tali and the Desert Flowers win, the titles return to where they belong! But because we have to be fair and give you fools a reason to accept the challenge, if Tali and the Desert Flowers lose, they will never challenge you all for those titles again. So what do you say? Or should I say, what does Fin say? After all, he is your daddy.” Shabonne is throwing down insults at the same time as she throws down the gauntlet, will Arrow Club accept such a huge gamble?

Midna is fuming!

“GHIRAHIM!” she shouts on a Twitter video. “GHIRAHIM! Stop ducking me, you argyle patterned snake! You may still have the last Fused Shadow, but that means I beat you twice already! And I know, that as much as you want to keep me down, that as much as you want to make me look like a fool, you’re the fool because you can’t even beat a three-foot imp! So unless you want to be a fool, a loser, and a coward, you WILL face me at Clash of Fates! And just so there are no excuses, let’s make it… NO HOLDS BARRED!”

Ghirahim responds!

“OoOoOoOo, I’m so scared~!” He mocks Midna with spooky fingers and an exaggerated, puckered up face. “But if you want the humiliation so badly, why stop at No Holds Barred? Let’s really raise the stakes! Let’s really go nuts at Clash of Fates! Let’s go all the way to… an I QUIT MATCH!! And that means, if- No, WHEN I win, you must give up on EVER getting the last piece back! You’ll be stuck as an imp FOREVER!” The Living Blade laughs, but will he be the one saying those dreaded words to the Twilight Princess?

My Thoughts:

Clash of Fates 3 is going to be huge with all this! I thought about making the 4v4 match a #1 contenders match but then that’d push the title matches back to either Fyter Fest or HyruleMania 3. Going Winners Take All now speeds things up and puts plenty of drama on the event. And I meant to do more with Midna and Ghirahim sooner but I just kinda lost track of their story with everything else going on. But this I Quit match will be their blow-off, and then they’ll each worry about something else for HyruleMania.

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MONDAY – Bandwagon Nerds (entertainment & popular culture)

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About Chairshot Radio Network

MONDAY - Bandwagon Nerds (entertainment & popular culture)

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