IMPACT

Other noteworthy highlights of the week included Impact’s Eli Drake revealing the 5 biggest dummies in Impact Wrestling (Spoiler Alert: The fans made the list TWICE), in an absolutely charming segment, before dumping a large podium onto “Moose” who he will face in action next week to determine who will be the opponent for Austin Aries at “Slammiversary.”  Impact was also kind enough to create a 2 second loop of Drake saying “Dummy, yeah, yeah” which you can play infinitely, much to the dismay of those around you.

Eddie Edwards and Sami Callahan settled their differences in the woods in a gritty unsanctioned “street fight” (just a street fight in the woods, probably near or around Matt Hardy’s property from the appearance of it all) where Callahan escaped being murdered by Edwards (again?) when Eddie became distracted with the arrival of his wife and Tommy Dreamer.  This particular rivalry has become so dark and gritty and it seems like they are trying to revisit making fans as uncomfortable as they were while watching the controversial Steve Austin/Bryan Pillman feud.   Who would have thought you could do so much with horror movie cinematography and attitude era scripting?  I’ll be watching with anticipation to see where they go from here, as they may have written themselves into a corner, because at this point it seems unresolvable without someone being killed, fired, or jailed for an extensive period of time.

RAW

The action on WWE’s Monday Night Raw was largely uneventful with the most exciting moment of the night being Baron Corbin coming to rain on the parade of Curt Hawkins, who was trying to break his infamous losing streak by enlisting a local “enhancement” talent.  Hawkins offered free tacos to the crowd after breaking the streak, at which point Corbin attacked his opponent, got him disqualified and upended the buffet table, much to this dismay of “taco enthusiasts” in attendance.

While tacos (aside from Mandy Rose), may be god’s greatest creation, that crowd deserved no tacos that night, they were particularly rude to Elias, and simply did not get behind the efforts of Jinder Mahal when they certainly should have.  Therefore Baron Corbin did nothing wrong.  We later find out that Corbin has essentially been “deputized” by Stephanie McMahon in order to bring “law” to Monday Night Raw, by doing what he does best. Ruining comedic segments for lower and midcard talent.

SMACKDOWN

Mella is Money.  While I’ve heard the whisperings behind the scenes about management behind unhappy with Carmella‘s progression inside the ring, the princess of Staten Island is an absolute genius with a microphone and on her twitter account.  She’ll be the first to tell you exactly who she is better than, and why she is better than said people.  There cannot be fault with her logic.  She beat Charlotte Flair, twice.

As a matter of fact it’s time for more of the women on Smackdown to adopt that kind of winning mentality and killer instinct.  If you don’t want victory enough to do whatever it takes to win, then you simply don’t deserve victory.  Just ask Becky Lynch (coming off a series of losses, until last week’s triumph over Flair), or Charlotte herself.  I suggest that more of the competitors in “Money In The Bank” learn a lesson from Carmella, because in MITB, it’s been proven in the past that “fortune favors the opportunistic.”

It’s important to understand that MITB was created by an opportunist (Chris Jericho) for opportunists.   To value friendships, rules, good sportsmanship, and other “virtues” as such, is exactly what ends up costing competitors title shots in an event like this.  Everyone in this competition would do well to remember to simply focus on the briefcase.

Other events worthy of note included Shinsuke Nakamura being on the receiving end of a possibly felonious slap during the contract signing for the WWE Championship after being hilariously difficult about writing utensils.  Styles and many in the WWE Universe simply don’t understand Nakamura’s sense of humor at all.  His comedic timing when it comes to punching AJ in the groin as pure “slapstick” genius, as are his humorous “fish out of water”  mannerisms and catchphrases.  If you don’t love Nakamura’s current work, I believe you are simply incapable of enjoying the finer things in life.

On a side note, as we close on this week’s review, I’d like to address the bullying in the WWE, that simply needs to stop.  I for one, as a loyal viewer am getting rather tired of seeing Big Cass being bullied by Daniel Bryan.  I understand that Daniel is enormous, when it comes to popularity, but Big Cass needs room to grow on the roster, and right now he’s being smothered and disrespected by Bryan and his “Yes Movement.”

Cass is 7 feet tall, and you simply can’t teach that, but he could be so much better if he could get out from the dark cloud of negativity that is Daniel Bryan and his rabid fans and into the nurturing sunlight that is the love and appreciation of the WWE Universe.  Try to understand things from Cass’ perspective.  He grew to 7 feet tall for you, the fans.  He rehabbed an ACL injury for you, the fans, and all you want to do is cheer for Daniel Bryan.  Bryan is just fine, he’s married to a Bella and he’s been to the top of the mountain in the WWE, he doesn’t need your applause.  Big Cass is young, strong, 7 feet tall and deserves your respect.  Now that you have a better understanding of his perspective, I’m sure you’ll be more appreciative of him.

• You can yell at Mike Neon for his reprehensible views on “babyfaces”@TheRealMikeNeon
• You can convince him to design or sell your merchandise on twitter @neoncolosseum
• You can watch the weird things he does with video games on twitch at twitch.tv/neoncolosseum
• You can book him to wrestle someone at [email protected]
• And you can read The Exposed turnbuckle every week here at TheChairshot.com!

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