Chairshot Radio personality Christopher Platt brings you his diary of New Japan WrestleKingdom 13! Follow along and see how the show struck him.

Greetings & Salutations. It’s your man, Mr. Velvet Pipes and novice New Japan watcher, giving you a running diary of Wrestle Kingdom 13!

NEVER Openweight Championship: Kota Ibushi (c) vs Will Ospreay

• Tonight’s festivities are kicking off with Will Ospreay facing Kota Ibushi
• These are two of my favorites in the world to watch inside a ring & two of the best in the world period
• Good to see Ospreay’s neck still in place
• Ibushi has the Ric Flair circa NWO Nitro haircut
• Does every NJPW match have to have the dick measuring, forearm spot in the middle of the ring?
• Damn, that knee Will took was something else
• BTW, Kevin Kelley is doing his best Michael Cole impersonation on commentary
• There you go Will! A Melonfarmer naught gonna keep slapping me in the face without getting kicked in the face
• Kota looking like Koba from Planet of the Apes
• Damn good match
• There’s only so much of a push you can expect for Ibushi considering how he doesn’t want to sign long-term with anyone
• Kota doing the stretcher job
• Ospreay is the future of this industry
• If he can find a way to not break his neck, add 20 lbs, and maintain his agility, he’ll be a main eventer anywhere in the world

IWGP Jr Heavyweight Tag Team Titles: Roppongi 3k vs Shingo Takagi & BUSHI vs Yoshinobu Kanemaru & El Desperado(c)

• Next up we have the boy band known as Roppongi 3k vs Kanwmru & El Desperado vs BUSHI & Shingo Takagi for the IWGP Jr Tag Team Titles
• I gotta admit, nobody does pomp and circumstance like NJPW. Americans could learn a lot from them. There’s only so many nondescript white guys in plan trunks doing flipping shit you can see
• Nothing wrong with adding sizzle to the steak
• Chico El Luchador >Rocky Romero
• This brother has a Japanese mullet
• Sho looks like a tan Justin Bieber
• Hell of a clothesline
• Is that Jushin on commentary?
• Mulletman picks up the win for his squad.
• Word to the wise…don’t fight a man with a mullet or jheri curl in 2018
• The Boy Band mad they lost their belts… you can only be so tough looking like a boy band
• NJPW going to LA to Charlotte to Nashville…that’s like going from Ruth’s Chris, to Waffle House, to gas station taquitos

Rev Pro Undisputed British Heavyweight Title: Zack Sabre Jr vs Tomohiro Ishii (c)

• ZSJ give me Alex Wright vibes
• ZSJ looks like the lost member of Cobra Kai
• Sweep the leg Zack!
• Thus far, everyone’s hair on the show looks like they stop seeing American tv in 1999
• Ishii left his neck at home for tonight’s festivities.
• ZSJ and Roderick Strong should have a winner is the next Superman match
• Is Ishii a bear or pit pull Kevin Kelley cause that’s quite a difference
• ZSJ looks like me in tighty whiteys..with a slightly bigger bulge
• I mean me with the bigger bulge
• All jokes aside, Michael Phelps is a damn good wrestler
• I meant ZSJ
• ZSJ wins British Heavyweight title in a decent match
• Just hard to believe a giraffe could beat rhinoceros

IWGP Heavyweight Tag Championships: EVIL & SANADA vs The Young Bucks vs Guerillas of Destiny (c)

• Up next The Young Bucks (maybe the best team in the world) vs Evil and Sanada vs Guerillas of Destiny for the IWGP tag titles
• “The Good Guy” Tama Tanga!
• The Tanga’s dad could beat up everybody in the ring at the same damn time
• I wasn’t the biggest Bucks fan but they showed me something in 2018
• Evil’s a bad ass
• Train wreck of a match but I can dig it!
• Gotta be a plus going through such a cutthroat industry with your brother
• Evil and Sanda pick up the win a good frenetic paced tag match

IWGP US Heavyweight Title: Cody (c) vs Juice Robinson

• My main man Juice Robinson is up next facing Cody
• Juice has all the tools:  charisma, the look, and good enough in the ring to be a huge star
• Shout out to Cody for having the hottest chick in the game
• Cody and Brandi rocking the Jaguar colors
• Pure coincidence I’m sure
• What are the odds we see Dustin Rhodes in AEW in some capacity?
• Cody and Brandi are legit one of the hottest acts in the game
• Side note: Pump Friction was the name I gave to the porno I’d show young ladies back at the dorm in college
• Juice won. Wow…didn’t see that coming (note the sarcasm)

IWGP Jr Heavyweight Title: Kushida (c) vs Taiji Ishimori

• Now we have Kushida vs Taiji Ishimori
• I don’t know about you but I have a strong craving for top ramen right now
• Shout out to Doc Brown and Marty McFly
• Oh my God he killed a kid!
• The rest of this article is dedicated to that kid that got blown up
• I don’t wanna hear any of you lames saying WWE has too many titles when every match on this card has been for a title thus far
• In terms of in ring product, pro wrestling is at an all-time high; I still miss legit stars though
• If you’ll excuse me, this appears to be the smoke break match
• And yet another title change. Can’t lie, all these title changes have been surprising. It’s almost as if New Japan is preparing for a mass exodus or something

Kazuchika Okada vs Jay White

• Now we have Okada vs Jay White
• Okada has been living his best life since losing the heavyweight title
• He seems to be having a lot more fun wrestling
• New Japan has strapped the rocket to Jay White’s back and he’s delivered
• He’s delivered more than I thought he could and is heading towards being a legit main eventer
• Jay White is the correct moniker…only thing more fitting is Jay Casper
• Okada’s so damn good in the ring
• Wow. Don Callis quoting Lex Luger
• He made up for it by calling Gedo a human wood tick. Classic
• I do like that NJPW makes wins and loses count. There’s something to that
• Okada throws a pretty legit flying elbow
• Excellent heel work by Jay White in this bout
• The crowd is into it for really the first time this evening
• That’s a testament to both Okada being the man and Jay White’s heel persona
• Good match with Jay White picking up the win.
• Honestly thought this one could have used a little more time
• It appears New Japan is basically using the Tanahashi story for Okada

No Disqualification IWGP Intercontinental Championship: Tetsuya Naito vs Chris Jericho (c)

• The ‘Best in the World’ Chris Jericho puts his Intercontinental Title on the line vs Naito
• Naito looking like a cross between ‘Saturday Night Fever’ and ‘Eyes Wide Shut’
• Seriously Japan, I dig the pageantry, but let’s get y’all some tapes from this millennium
• Coming to the ring with your band’s music = GOAT status
• Jericho dressed like the Legion of Marcel Marceau
• Red Shoes!
• Shout out to Y2J representing for all the dad bods out there
• Vintage Jericho with the springboard dropkick
• I think Naito just lost a couple of inches
• Jericho is teaching a master’s class on being a heel tonight
• Naito is really good as well
• He oozes charisma and is doing a great job playing the sympathetic babyface
• The announcers are doing a good job of playing up how big of a deal Jericho is
• I love how the Boston Crab has become the Walls of Jericho
• The crowd is really into this one
• Got em!
• Kick out!
• Naito with the Codebreaker!
• This is the hottest the crowd has been all night
• German on the chair!
• LOL Callis with the ‘Japanese two’
• They’re starting to pick up the pace
• Match of the night thus far!
• Both men played their parts well and the No DQ stip really helped
• The gaga helped a veteran Jericho who doesn’t has fastball any more tell an entertaining story
• Well played by both men

IWGP Heavyweight Championship: Kenny Omega (c) vs Hiroshi Tanahashi

• Now we have our main event with Omega defending his World Heavyweight Title vs Tanahashi
• New Japan has done an excellent job of telling the Tanahshi road to redemption story
• The outcome of this match will tell us quite a bit about the immediate future of pro wrestling
• Apparently, Omega killed an eagle on his way to the ring
• Wonder how the lack of his ‘partner’ at ringside will affect Kenny
• There’s a definite big fight feel that’s coming through the tv
• Is Kenny the best big match wrestler in the game?
• I’d really like to see Omega wrestle Ricochet or AJ Styles
• I’d like to see Tanhashi versus Cena or Pentagon Jr
• Omega playing the good cocky heel
• Callus having a good night on the stick
• Tanahashi’s chest looks like hamburger meat
• Red Shoes!
• Kenny tweaked his knee
• Tanahashi tweaked Kenny’s knee
• That cloverleaf gotta hurt in real life
• Styles Clash!
• Damn! That sounds like it hurt
• Which one goes through the table?
• Welp. Asked and answered
• Oh shit! I don’t know how you fake some of this stuff
• Here we go with the dick check….but they’ve earned it
• They been wrestling for a minute now
• I hate to agreed with Ballz and Meltzer but this is a damn good match
• Hell of a reverse of the one winged angel
• The crowd is bananas
• Omega kicked out of 2 consecutive frog splashes
• DRGAON SUPLEX OFF THE TOPPPPPP!
• And the crowd goes wild!
• Tanahashi picks up the win
• Which pretty much means Kenny’s going to All Elite
• Overall the show started off strong, lagged in the middle, but pick up steam in the last 2 matches
• Omega/Tanahashi did the damn thing. Match of the night, and set the bar high for the rest of the year

Overall

• Somewhat of a transitional show, with a a lot of theoretical moving parts
• But if you’re a wrestling fan, I recommend you checking it out
• I give the show overall a 7/10