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Andrew’s Impact Wrestling Ratings & Analysis 7/26/2019

Finally we get a proper episode to build towards specials and pay-per-views! We also get 5 Star vs 6 Star Frog Splashes tonight!

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Finally we get a proper episode to build towards specials and pay-per-views! We also get 5 Star vs 6 Star Frog Splashes tonight!

So the show will build to Unbreakable with Tessa and Sami for the number on contender spot. Ortiz needs a new partner with Santana’s injury and Rich Swann puts his title on the line.

How much of this episode will revolve around oVe?

Just like Sami said to oVe, stay here dumbasses!

 

Ratings:

  • Jordynne Grace vs Kiera Hogan:  Grace wins via Japanese Leg Clutch – ** ¾
  • Moose vs Ray Steele:  Moose via Spear – N/A (Squash Match)
  • Willie Mack vs Rob Van Dam:  RVD wins via 5 Star Frog Splash – *** ¼
  • X Division Championship: Jake Crist vs Rich Swann(c):  Jake wins via Tornado Cutter – *** ¾TITLE CHANGE!!!

 

Analysis:

Jordynne Grace vs Kiera Hogan– Madison Rayne comes out for commentary and to add a few bread crumbs about an alliance against Jordynne. The match was pretty solid back and forth. Kiera did overshoot a Dive a little, you could see her smack her head on the railing. But aside from that Kiera showed a lot of resiliency and fire. Madison gets involved a little by helping Kiera into the ring before the 10 count, but Kiera loses to an O’Connor Roll into the Leg Clutch.

We get a promo from Brian Cage for the Street Fight tonight. Then we go to Melissa on Twitch.

Sami Callihan comes out for some in-ring promo time! He starts off by calling out Tessa, I’m not mad at all. Callihan delivers a damn good old school heel promo putting Tessa over like a million bucks. He says it’s not intergender wrestling, it’s just pro wrestling and that he respects her. He offers his hand and when Tessa shakes his hand, he gives her a pat on the ass and Tessa holds onto the shake. Sami slowly turns and Tessa cold cocks him and hits him with Magnum so she stands tall after the promo. Great promo.

Moose vs Ray Steele – It’s a squash match, nothing to say. Moose then grabs the mic and says to be a champion you have to not care about the company. He points out the last few people to hold the belt are gone and he’s been proudly touting the brand.

Rascalz have a tree house promo trying to decide on next week. Wentz says he can’t do the tag match anyway since he has Jonas Borthers tickets and he’s going with Gail Kim. Shenanigans ensue, and it’s just generally funny.

ImpactPlus Moment:  James Storm vs Bobby Roode,Street Fight, Bound for Glory October 14,2012

Kiera Hogan gets a backstage interview that Madison crashes and it turns into a little bit of verbal jabbing. Then when Melissa tries to get the mic back, both Kiera and Madison gang up on Melissa. So they’ve got this odd dynamic of hating each other, but joining forces against a third party. Sure…it’s a thing.

Sooo Ace Austin has this creepy going after women in relationships gimmick. Okay…I mean if WWE can do a cuck angle, Impact can do a homewrecker angle.

Willie Mack vs RVD – Started off a little slow, but eventually the physicality picked up and we saw a little more of classic Van Dam than usual. Both men had decent stretches of dominance, and we saw all the greatest hits of RVD. Split Legged Moonsault, Rolling Thunder and the 5 Star. A much better match than I expected it to be.

So Daga will fill in for the injured Santana, but Ortiz doesn’t believe it will work. Effectively, he just misses his buddy. If it’s not Santana he doesn’t feel comfortable tagging with them and he’s been drinking heavily.

X Division: Jake Crist vs Rich Swann – This was an interesting back and forth. Eventually Dave Crist showed up to interfere a little bit, Madman Fulton pushed Swann off the top rope into a Cutter from Jake. So the finish was a little surprising, but since Swann has held the belt for about 6 months with only a handful of defenses, it might be alright for the change. The Mini Draw gets his first singles title and we’ll see where this all goes.

Street Fight: Michael Elgin vs Brian Cage – This never started. Elgin attacked Cage in the back so for the better portion of the last 5 minutes of the show, Elgin was tearing apart the Machine. Melissa ran out to try and protect Cage, but the masked man showed up for the save. He took off the mask, revealed himself as Rhino, and Gore’d Elgin into next Friday. After the Gore, Rhino shows off an Impact t-shirt that solidifies he’s back with the company.

 

Overall Score: 7.25/10

Pretty good show. We got a title change after a damn good match, we get a returning star in Rhino and Tessa versus Sami gets a little more heat. Stories moved forward, matches were pretty solid and Melissa on Twitch was a little off tonight, but still amusing.

So hopefully Wentz and Gail Kim enjoy the Jonas Brothers, while we see if the other Rascalz can take the belts off of the The North next week. Ace Austin and Stone Rockwell are also filling the comedic void at the moment, so I guess it’s alright.

 

 

 

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Coverage

Andrew’s TNA iMPACT! Results & Match Ratings: 4.24.25

We get another chapter of Hardy Compound shenanigans! NEMETH BROTHERS! WE KNEW YOU’D COME!

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Oh boy, the best thing to come from the TNA product has been on WWE programs for the last month or so. Can we start getting some non-garbage episodes that make sense with wrestling that isn’t useless or atrocious? And Trey Miguel is the first person out…so my faith is dwindling.

I hate these early stages of the Delirious Dreamer combination. This crap makes me miss Tigre Uno, Dixie Carter, hell even the Claire Lynch angle was so disgustingly cringe it was car crash entertaining. You know, like Jersey Shore. So let’s see if something can stop sucking.

Ratings:

  • Trey Miguel & Ace Austin vs Moose & JDC w/Alisha: JDC wins after interference – ** 1/4
  • Jacy Jayne w/ Fatal Influence vs Rosemary: Jacy wins via Rolling Punch – **
  • Cinematic Hardy Compound: Kaiba Boys vs Hardy Boyz: 15/7, 10/10, 100/100, Hardy thing ever!
  • Tessa Blanchard vs Missa Kate: Tessa wins via Buzzsaw DDT – **
  • Joe Hendry & Elijah vs Ethan Page & Kaz: Elijah wins via Highwayman’s Farewell – ** 3/4

 

Results:

Trey Miguel & Ace Austin vs Moose & JDC w/Alisha

JDC and Trey start it’s just chain wrestling, nothing worth notating. The big early spot is slow and dumb, Trey goes for a Springboard Moonsault while in the Arm Wringer to turn it into a slow Arm Drag followed by a slow Dropkick. Throws JDC into the face corner, and Moose is late to the help spot so Trey has to beckon for him to come forward for a Tandem Drop Toe Hold causing Moose to Headbutt JDC in the groin. Double Dropkick sends Moose to the floor, but he doesn’t sell it long so he plucks Trey off the apron, smashes him and JDC tags out as we go to commercial. Jesus Christ this is cornball trope start and no one is looking good in the first 5 minutes. Am I possibly a little a jaded? Well of course, the shows have sucked for weeks and you start with bog standard “make fun of the heel” team start and its slow and unengaging. Maybe Dreamer should ask Trips if TNA talent can use the PC to learn psychology or…something interesting.

We come back and the heels are still magically in control with JDC locking in a Hammerlock Suplex into a Keylock. Tag to Moose and Trey is sooo banged up apparently an Arm Wringer throws him to the mat like a bitch. Starting off the show so damn slow is not really a good luck to keep people watching the show. It’s only like 8:20 and I want to go to sleep. Moose of course gets cocky taking his time to do a Jacknife Powerbomb so of course Trey counters, Ace gets the hot tag and guess what? Ace starts laying out both guys with quick strikes, Tijeras, Kicks, Click Click Boom, his corner dodge into the Mochizuki Triangle Kick but Moose kicks out. *sigh*

Ace decides to tag Trey back in, but their version of Poetry in Motion gets caught by Moose and Moose Powerbombs Trey into Ace. System tandem offense, Dropkick from JDC, Uranage from Moose, Down and Dirty from Dango but Ace breaks up the pin. Ace assists Trey with the Knee Slide Tornado DDT to take out Moose, they look for a finish but Lish distracts the ref, Dango kicks Trey in the dick, Brian Myers interferes and JDC wins the match.

Yawn…basic bullshit is not really driving attention.

Next is a video package for Masha and Tessa with Masha talking…who can’t cut a promo in English and Dreamer of course inserts himself for a fake “do it for your trainer” add. Oh Christ, this is like Rocky IV from Wish, but the Russian is the babyface. I hate every second of this and welcome the commercial break. 

While I think this promo goes on entirely too long, you can decide if it sucks or not:

Jacy Jayne w/ Fatal Influence vs Rosemary

Start isn’t really a thing since Rosemary feigns the Mist so Jacy runs away, when she does get back in Rosemary clocks her, beats on her in the corner, Upside Down and then gorgeous Fallon and the pack tactics give Jacy enough of a distraction to PK kick Rosemary and take control. Rosemary gets out of a Headlock with biting, then bits Jacy on the face and follows it up with a Shotgun Dropkick. Jacy tries to Reverse the Irish Whip but Rosemary kicks off the buckle, turns and connects with a Flying Forearm. Rosemary gets a little distracted, eats a V-Trigger but zombie rises from the dead and Face Buster into a Spicolli Driver attempt, but Jazmyn gets involved, Rosemary drops Jazmyn and when she turns around Jacy connects with her Rolling Punch for the finish.

Fatal Influence attack Rosemary and Mirror Match Xias come to make the save.

Cinematic Hardy Compound: Kaiba Boys vs Hardy Boyz

Willow the Wisp sighting early, he drops the umbrella and starts dancing to Kendrick’s They Not Like Us, then Jeff shows up and attacks Nic, they brawl in a pickup truck. Seto Nic Ziggler hits the Superkick, but Jeff turns it around, they get on top of the cab and Jeff wants to Powerbomb Nic through conveniently placed tables, but Back Body Drop sends Jeff crashing. Nic goes into the truck and finds a tag team title. Is that the idea? First person to find the titles like an RPG quest?

Matt Pearl Harbors Mokuba near a fountain as it cuts to Nic walking through the house at the arcade, and he finds their title case and he thinks it’s booby trapped so he does the heist thing of replacing the title with an exercise weight. Matt has a PREMONITION!!! THe Kaibas have the titles! And Ryan turns things around for a moment until he eats gate and gets Speared into the pool with Reby playing piano looking like a snack. Ryan is teleported into the house for Maxel the Great with Senor Benjamin as the ticket taker and most of the Hardy kids sitting in the theater. It’s an old 1920s Silent Film with Maxel beating up Ryan and the kids keep saying he sucks. He gets showered in roses, Benjamin is crying the kids rejoice and cut back to Ryan floating in the pool. Dr Wolfie is diagnosing Ryan on the couch and they have a fantastic conversation. Wolfie blames the Matt Hardy fans for Booing Wolfie. Wolfie asks if Ryan if he ever hugged his parents and Ryan starts crying and Wolfie goes “That’ll be 500 dollars for the emotional damage”.

Gothic Baby Shadow Realms Ryan into his Emo Phase with Simple Plan playing. Then he has a roast battle with Bardie. Ryan is getting pelted with eggs while Matt is drowning him in the pool. Nic saves his Little Brother from drowning in the pool (been there). Maxel attacks, Nic Pie Faces the kid, Ryan ambushes Matt with a title shot and then BROTHER NERO! We’re just missing Itchweed to complete the essences of Jeff.

Nemeths see Jeff stalking them and they bail. So we may get a return to the Broken Brothers.

That was glorious and the fact it’s used as a set up for a real match instead of a replacement for a real match makes it actually better.

Tessa Blanchard vs Missa Kate

Tessa doesn’t take her serious after a quick flurry so Kate lands a Tilt-a-Whirl Gourdbuster before Tessa turns things around and lays in offense. Dropkick, Springboard Elbows, Teardrop Suplex, and Tessa calms down a little after taking complete control again. Tessa keeps Kate in the corner and lays in Forearms, Kicks, goes for a Splash but Kate finally dodges and slams Tessa face first into a Buckle. Tessa hits the Cutter, goes to the top, MAGNUM, Buzzsaw DDT just because.

Masha attacks Tessa after the match and hits the Russian Death Device and puts her in a Fujiwara Armbar until Tessa gets away and bails to the floor while Masha holds the ring.

Joe Hendry & Elijah vs Ethan Page & Kaz

This whole match is stupid. Hendry had no tape at Mania, went against “doctor’s orders” to defend the title at Rebellion this Sunday anyway…so they put him in a worthless tag match when they didn’t want him active? Delirious and Dreamer need to be shot in the head. It won’t hit anything. 

Elijah and Kaz start this match, Kaz looks dumb and gets dogwalked and then Rope Walked because heels aren’t allowed to be competent against “fan favorites” until at least 3 minutes into a match. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Back from the commercial break, Hendry and Elijah Double Clothesline Kaz and he’ll prolly slip something in a minute or so. Elijah does 10 Count Punches dropping Kaz, into the ropes, Kaz hops over him but Elijah throws him towards Page. Weird…but okay. Ethan calls for Hendry, and they lock up causing Hendry to wince at the arm that isn’t Kayfabed well, but Hendry hits the ropes, Shoulder Tackle into Hip Toss with “bad” arm, now Stalling Suplex that is just dropped immediately because of “arm”. Tags out quickly to Elijah and Ethan gets Manhattan Dropped and Big Booted into Saturday. Kaz takes a cheap shot when Elijah hits the ropes, so Ethan pounces and the heels finally have some momentum. Double Team on Elijah into a Rude Awakening from Kaz for two.

Ethan tries to keep Elijah isolated, Elijah gets the boot up, but he cuts off Elijah from the tag, Ethan tags in Kaz and a Slingshot Leg Drop gets another two. Elijah fights out of the corner, knocks down Ethan, counter wrestling from Kaz and Elijah before a Jumping Knee Lift levels Kaz. Elijah looks for the tag but Ethan picks Hendry off the apron and throws him into the steps. Heels doing the dogpile thing. Ethan throws Elijah into a corner, Up and Over but Ethan catches him just to get kicked away. Joe drags himself to the corner, simultaneous tags, Lariats into Sack of Shit for both heels. Attitude Adjustment on Kaz for only two. Hendry is overselling the injury no one cares enough about to write logically. So good for him that he’s doing their job, it’s just creative that isn’t. Kaz catches Hendry in Fade to Black but Hendry gets out, Scoop Slam into the Springboard Leg Drop but Hendry kicks out. Kaz wants the Chicken Wing on the bad arm, but Ethan tags himself in causing infighting, Avalanche Tandem Superplex but Elijah shoves Ethan into the pinfall to break it. Elijah and Ethan throw hands, Crossroads from Elijah, Backstabber from Kaz, Rope Run Cutter from Hendry on Kaz, Spin and pose, Standing Ovation attempt but the arm gives, Elijah tags in, Ethan refuses to tag Kaz, Highwayman’s Farewell from Elijah.

 

Overall Score: 6.4/10

All of the points are for Fallon Henley existing, Lei Ying Lee and the Hardy Compound match. Without the Hardy match the show was like a 2. Bad logic, bad booking, heels are too samey with everyone being a dweeb that has to get beat on for 3-5 minutes before they can remember they can wrestle. Sean Waltman is also an interesting wrinkle in the System and Rascalz thing, but the first hour of this show was useless. If people continued to watch for the Hardy match, that was the only thing that may have entertained new eyes because of WrestleMania.

Rebellion is Sunday and next Thursday starts at 10 Eastern…ugh. If TNA doesn’t get off the west coast or work days, I won’t review any of this positively. First World problems, fully aware. But come on now, especially with the shit writing from the last month or so, this show isn’t worth staying up if they TNA personally paid people to review it. It would be totally different if the content was entertaining.

You know what, just give the Hardy’s the book. I’d rather insanity than forgetting to write in logic to a kayfabe injury and because things are pre-taped the WM appearance makes no sense and sudden over selling makes less sense. This isn’t booking into a corner this is booking into a Short Bus with a flat tire.

About Chairshot Radio Network

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CHAIRSHOT RADIO NETWORK PODCAST SPECIALS

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Andrew’s TNA iMAPCT! & Unbreakable Results & Match Ratings: 4.17.2025

iMPACT is the Pre-Show, Unbreakable is a TNA+ Special! See what happened!

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iMPACT! is getting the old Heat treatment as a TV episode pre-show. While nothing about the iMPACT episode seems overly intriguing, they all actually have narrative weight, and since the last two weeks have been devoid of weight and general cohesion…this might be a surprisingly good episode which would serve as a better pre-show than expected.

I’m still mad that it’s a damn Thursday and they want to have 4-5 hours of show because WrestleMania reasons. Even WWE realized doing long shows before workdays was stupid, so NJPW giving them the idea to break Mania into two nights is a boon for everyone over thirty.

Also the main reason I’m doing a joint article. Since Unbreakable starts immediately after iMPACT, I’m not gonna put up back to back articles. One stop shoppin it!

iMPACT! – Ratings:

  • Laredo vs Jason Hotch w/Tasha Steelz: Laredo wins via Laredo Fly – ** 1/4
  • Jazmyn Nyxx w/Fatal Influence vs Xia Brookside w/Lei Ying Lee: Xia wins via Small Package – **
  • KC Navarro vs Cody Deaner: KC wins via Loaded Fist – **
  • Maggie Lee & Heather by Elegance w/Personal Concierge vs Gigi Dolin & Tatum Paxley: Hot Topic Hotties win via Cemetery Drive – ** 1/4
  • Jakara Jackson w/Lash Legend vs Dani Luna w/Jody Threat: Dani wins via Luna Landing – ** 1/4
  • Leon Slater vs Brian Myers: Myers wins via Roster Cut – ** 1/2

 

Unbreakable – Quick Ratings:

  • Zachary Wentz vs Eric Young vs AJ Francis: Young wins via Piledriver – *** 1/4
  • Ace Austin vs Steve Maclin vs Eddie Edwards w/Alisha: Steve Maclin wins via KIA – *** 1/2
  • X Division Championship: Moose(c) w/Alisha vs Akeem: Moose wins via Lights Out – Long Squash
  • Mustafa Ali & Nemeths vs Hardys & Mike Santana: Jeff Hardy wins via Swanton Bomb – ***
  • Kaz & Tessa vs Joe Hendry & Masha: Hendry wins via Standing Ovation – ** 3/4
  • Barb Wire Massacre: Sami Callihan vs Mance Warner w/Steph De Lander: Callihan wins via Cactus Driver ’97 – ** 1/2
  • Inaugural International Championship: AJ Francis vs Steve Maclin vs Eric You: Maclin wins via K.I.A. – *** – TITLE CHANGE!!!

 

Results:

Laredo vs Jason Hotch w/Tasha Steelz

Laredo starts quick with a Straight Right, Tijeras, a few quick strikes, kicks Hotch out of the ring, wants a Plancha, but Tasha gets in the way to stop Laredo’s offense which gives Hotch an opening. Quick trip, a few chops and a hard Irish Whip has Laredo trying to catch his breath. Hotch tries to go for another Strong Irish Whip but Laredo reverses, two kicks, Flying Neckbreaker into a Missile Dropkick sending Hotch to the outside. Laredo finally pulls off his Suicida, and he’s rolling. Corner Forearm, Uno Mass Corkscrew Moonsaults, but Hotch manages to get away after two. A Snap Jab staggers Laredo, Ali style Outside In Rolling Neckbreaker and Hotch tries to take things to the top. But Laredo counters and Avalanche Michinoku Driver…only for two.

Laredo tries to keep things going, Back Handspring Crossbody, but Hotch catches him, big Tilt-a-Whirl Backbreaker for two. Hotch looks to the corner and then gets scared because he thinks Santana might strike, Hotch and Tasha argue, Laredo recovers and runs up the corner and hits the Laredo Fly for the win.

Jazmyn Nyx w/Fatal Influence vs Xia Brookside w/Lei Ying Lee

Jazmyn and Xia go for a chain wrestling or World of Sport kind of start. Xia even gets out of the Head Scissors with the classic Hand Stand and pop. After a little taunting, Jazmyn tries to charge but Xia loops around for a flash Cradle, Nyx kicks out quick and retreats to her Fatal Influence friends for a breather. Xia catches her with a Dropkick, a few strikes and starts putting things together until Jazmyn catches her in the corner and Snake Eyes Xia the hard way and then starts leaning her into the ropes, a few Leg Sweeps, PK kicks and Jazmyn is in control. Fisherman’s Suplex Hold from Jazmyn but Xia kicks at two. She tries to fight back up but Jazmyn is using her positioning to keep control. Bulldog into the middle buckle, puts Xia between the ropes and lays in a Round Kick to her chest and Xia has been eating offense for the last few minutes. The crowd tries to rally the little British Angel, but Jazmyn lays in some forearms, hits the ropes, Xia ducks and they hit stereo High Kicks to double down for a few moments.

Xia starts to rally, gets a few shots in, Tijeras, Xia tries Angel Wings but Jazmyn moves. Jazmyn tries to stay on her, but a Jawbreaker gives Xia time to go to the corner, Xia hits the Crossbody, Angel Wings, and looks for a DDT or something but Fatal Influence get involved distracting everyone. Lei has Fallon hanled, but Jacy is mouthing off causing Rosemary to come down and make a Mist save. Jazmyn tries to be opportunistic, but Xia blocks her move and hits the Small Package for the win.

Overbooked and timing was a bit shoddy in some spots, but not offensive. Not bad, but not good either. 

KC Navarro vs Cody Deaner

This is for a spot in the Ultimate X match. Here’s to hoping the Blessed One beats the hell out of the loser who’s about as over as Herpes. Meaning he never goes away, and he’s unlikable. Anyone that says “Funny Underdogs are needed on shows”, isn’t that like 60% of the roster? No one is funny if everyone tries to be funny. KC however, he’s fucking hilarious and amazing.

KC tries to pay off Deaner and get him to forfeit, Deaner of course does the underdog thing of fighting back, dumb looking punches, goofball corner spot that he lengthens to the put of looking dumb and not funny. Oh thank God KC hits the Spiderman in the ropes, ducks Deaner and 305 gets hit for a near fall. Now KC is rolling, nice quick offense, Snapmare, Front Roll Neck Snap, Stomp into Split into cover for only two. Deaner goes for the comeback, and a few Lariats, Bulldog, and everything looks soo stupid. Deaner puts KC in the Airplane spin, gets dizzy and then goes again, TKO for two.

Navarro tries to powder, Deaner goes after him but the ref gets Deaner off of him since KC was in the ropes, KC wraps his necklace around his knuckles and a quick Jab to the face as Deaner tries to suplex him, 1-2-3, Blessed WIN.

If Deaner was the only doofus guy he’d be fine, but when we have Santino, Arianna, Laredo, KC, Great Hands, Brian Myers, Dango, Alisha, Hendry (while not a doofus isn’t close to serious), Kaz, Elegance Brand (all 3 of them), Ryan Nemeth and those are just off the top of my head. Everyone can’t be silly or no one is silly and nothing matters.

Maggie Lee & Heather by Elegance w/Personal Concierge vs Gigi Dolin & Tatum Paxley

I’m gonna keep any Gigi drooling to a minimum since I respect my boy Wentz, but I will say, you gotta love Hot Topic Hotties. Yes I like walking red flags, I’m self aware, and okay with it.

Maggie and Gigi start, a  few quick counters, Gigi manages the Double Hook Cradle for two, then Hot Topic Hotties go tandem with a Dropkick and a Twisting Elbow for another two. Tatum is officially legal, Maggie looks for the tag but Heather wants to push Maggie more. Which is exactly how ASH treated her. Tatum turns it around, Gigi tags in, Poetry Bronco, and then Kawada Kicks from Gigi. Concierge distracts, Maggie grabs her, Heather takes the cheap shot, Suplex from Maggie for two. Heather and Maggie get some offense in together, and Heather is working Gigi over in the heel corner. Unicorn Stampede essentially. Heather goes for a pinfall and its only 2. Heather is getting frustrated, Gigi with an Upkick headscissors, Heather tries to stop the tag out, but eats the Mule Kick.

Tatum starts beating on Heather, rams Heather into Maggie, Cartwheel Peach Sunrise, tags in Gigi, Double Headbutts and Cemetery Drive from the Hot Topic Hotties and everyone wins. Jesus…will never leave this chat, he started it.

Jakara Jackson w/Lash Legend vs Dani Luna w/Jody Threat

Things start a little slow, Collar & Elbow tie up that they won’t relent for a while, Jakara tries to turn it into a Headlock Takeover, but Dani is too strong. Dani gets a few shots in, hops the rope for something but Lash makes her present felt and trips Dani while Jakara distracts the referee. The referee didn’t see anything but ejects Lash anyway. Lash won’t go, tries to intimidate the ref and say no. Jakara keeps things moving against Dani while Lash takes her sweet time slowly walking away. Jakara tries a Roll-Up but Dani too thicc to keep down. Dani fights back up, scoops Jakara and drops her unceremoniously.

Jakara starts laying in a bunch of Falling Knees and gets a quick two, before locking in a Cravat that Dani tries to fight out of. Dani counters out of it, ducks the Line, and they crash into each other with Forearms. The Double Fall Down spot is a little played out and this is only the pre-show really.

Dani levels Jakara with a few Lariats, looks for the Luna Landing, Jakara slips it so Dani comes off the ropes with a Busaiku Knee. Luna wants a Blue Thunder but Jakara gets away until Luna grabs her again for the Rebound Blue Thunder Bomb and a near fall. Luna charges the corner, misses, Jakara hits the Tornado DDT, but only two. Jakara tries to ram Dani’s head into the buckles, but Luna blocks, fires and takes Jakara’s head off, Luna Landing gets his and Dani wins!

Elijah has a promo segment and they have a really Sesame Street style “Walk this Way” words on the screen thing. When they did the bouncing ball lyrics with Ron Killings, it was at least cool. This comes off as corny and low budget public broadcasting crap just for Elijah to announce an open challenge at Rebellion or something. Admittedly I zoned out cause I figured it would be nothing of note.

Leon Slater vs Brian Myers

Myers and Slater start in a shoving match jawing at each other, and then Leon lays in a Shoulder Tackle off the ropes, some jumping crap and Myers is getting bounced from corner to corner like a dork. Leon tries to continue the Around the World but a punch, Thrust Kick and Irish Whip across the ring gives him some confidence, but he eats the Feint Mule Kick, Back Handspring Back Elbow…and again System matches are “look stupid and get beat up for 70% of the match until a shortcut can be taken”. Speaking of short cuts, Leon goes for his Corner Leap, Myers guards from it, Leon repositions but gets tripped and eats a Spear. Then…we go to commercial.

Coming out of the commercials Myers is still in control. Leon slips out of a suplex and then connects with a flurry of offense, Myers eats more kicks than I can count, powders, Leon does his corner post leap, comes in and looks to win but an Implant DDT, dick kick and Roster Cut gives Myers the win.

Overall  iMPACT! Rating: 5/10

Nothing special but at least it made some sense and was a better than the last few episodes. Low bar comparatively. Now immediately onto Unbreakable! So because this is a long night, I figured I’d do a Watch A Long with Mat Sarpraicone over on Dirt Sheet Radio because I have zero faith in Unbreakable being worth the 2-3 hours it will take to watch it.

So you’ll get quick results with ratings and an overall thoughts at the end of Unbreakable from me, because it’s late and I needed something to keep me awake.

Overall Unbreakable Rating: 4.5/10

The iMPACT! episode was easier to watch and digest, three Triple Threats is too many and the Main Event being a slow paced triple threat after a Barb Wire match and a bunch of faster matches really doesn’t resonate well with fans. Even though I didn’t love the Sami vs Mance match, ending on carnage and the “babyface” winning would’ve been a much better way to send the crowd home happy and we wouldn’t have needed so much time fill during the last hour of the show.

Maclin being the inaugural International Champion is cool, setting up the first defense against Eric Young is good for their story, so most of the marks were hit. It just was too damn slow and had no business being a main event. Champions vs Challengers was okay, but it only really picked up when Masha and Tessa were mixing it up. I liked Moose having the extended squash match for shits and giggles, but two Triples back to back to open the show is an easy way to burn out a crowd. Sure the Moose match was an extended piss break to recharge the crowd, but the card was just laid out awkwardly and things felt like far more of a chore than they should have.

All in all this was a very lame event. Yes I get it was purely stop gap to take advantage of WrestleMania weekend, but with Rebellion next week, we all knew it wasn’t gonna shake things up too much. But hot damn was I about to fall asleep if I wasn’t doing the watch-a-long to not pass out.

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