Entertainment

Mitchell’s Hyrule Puro-Resu News! (6/30/20)

The Dark Forces have a message!

Published

5 years ago

June 30, 2020

Steven Mitchell

The Hyrule Pro-Wrestling Trios Champions have a message!

At the most recent HPW press conference, King Nicolas Foolyere Hyrule named the Eventide Challenge qualifiers, but also officially named contenders to the HPW Exquisite Championship and Trios Championships. Today, Cia and the Dark Forces posted a video in response to the news.

Cia again sits on a throne with Volga, Wizzro, Gibdo and ReDead lurking nearby. “Iron Knuckle, and The Dark Nuts. Or as you want to be called now, Forged. In. Violence. Nice name. Did it take you all year to come up with it?” Cia doesn’t mean to offend them, but even they have to be smart enough to realize they have no idea what they’re doing. They had to intimidate “a frail old man” to get this title shot. Iron Knuckle and the Dark Nuts have not done anything to deserve this shot at the HPW Trios Championships! Cia is 100% confident that her generals will “defend the honor of King Nicolas,” as well as successfully retain their titles. Volga tells Forged In Violence that he will “cook you alive inside those tin cans.” All Gibdo and ReDead add are creepy grumbles and heavy breathing.

“While we’re here,” Cia would like to address her opponent at Treasure Island, the HPW Goddess Champion, Midna. Midna thinks she’s hilarious hiding in some dark room somewhere, playing around on the computer, sending weird messages while barely going outside. “You got lucky in the tournament, you little imp!” They were on different sides of the bracket, and Midna had it easy compared to Cia. But now that they’ll finally have a match, Midna will see she’s “not a goddess, or even a Twilight Princess, whatever that is. You’re just a little weirdo!” On Eventide Island, Cia will shine as she finally has her treasure.

Naturally, Midna responds.

“Excuses, excuses.” Cia sure thinks she’s something, doesn’t she? If anyone’s lucky, it’s Cia. She won against Zelda while Zelda was pulling double duty, then won against her again after Zelda was powerbomb’d through a table. And if Cia wants to talk about playing around, Cia’s the one playing pretend that she’s the once and future Goddess of Hyrule. Cia needs to see things how they are, not how she wants them to be. Midna said it weeks ago, but maybe she has to say it again so it sinks in. “You aren’t going to win relying on cronies. You’re going to be all alone on Treasure Island. Open your eyes and see the twilight.” The Twilight Emblem ends the message. Will it finally get through to the Dark Sorceress?

My Thoughts:

Anyone getting Zelina Vega vibes from Cia? Because that’s kinda who I’m going for with her promos. Somewhere between Zelina and Alexa Bliss, the two shortest, sassiest superstars who do great as Heels, both as wrestlers and managers. Meanwhile, I’m just trying to keep Midna as Midna, her own kind of sassy. Maybe Midna should be the Alexa Bliss in this, who can be sassy even as a Face. And for those who know more about Midna from the Legend of Zelda games, I’m sure you’re wondering which form we’re getting at Treasure Island. You’ll just have to wait and see, because even I’m not sure which I want to use.

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Entertainment

Mitchell’s Hyrule Puro-Resu News Report! (3/23/25)

Countdown to the Anniversary!

Published

6 days ago

March 23, 2025

Steven Mitchell

There’s so much to celebrate!

As HPW prepares for the Sixth Triforce Anniversary, there is more brewing than just the tournament and the Triforce Championship match!

The Final 2025 Bracket!

TriforceTournamentBracket2025 Round4

The Gerudo Ace, The Zora Prince & The Lucha Ruto! They made it full a field of 24 to be the final three! But who will be the one that holds up the trophy and challenges for the Undisputed HPW Triforce World Championship?

Of course, who the champion will be is in question as Link took Zelda up on her all-or-nothing offer. The Hero of Hyrule has been the bar-none best HPW Triforce Champion, but will the Princess of Hyrule change that dynamic once and for all?

Speaking of that field of 24, the 21 stars eliminated from the tournament will get their own second chance as HPW once again holds a 21 Person Battle Royal! But bigger than that, the winner will have their choice of any singles title other than the world title! That means the Death Mountain Championship, the Termina Championship, the Goddess Championship, maybe even the Million Rupee Championship, they’re all targets! Who rises above the rest to have a golden ticket for Spring?

And in fact, one of those titles will be on the line! Majora defends his Million Rupee Championship four months after he and Scaldera cheated Kevin Gibdo, put him in a casket, and then burned the casket to the ground! Kevin was not found in the remains, so his whereabouts remain a mystery. But Majora is offering a golden opportunity, aka an Open Challenge! The catch: it will be MOON MADNESS! Who is willing to gamble with their career to become a champion? We’ll find out on April 1st!