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Mitchell’s Hyrule Puro-Resu News Report! (4/2/21)
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Mitchell’s Hyrule Puro-Resu News Report! (4/2/21)

Fallout from the Triforciversary!

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Hyrule News 2021

We hear from the stars of HPW in the shadow of the Anniversary!

How the Second Triforce Tournament ended sent shockwaves through all of Hyrule! What will the tournament’s “winner” have to say about it?

 

After the Death Mountain Open Challenge:

Groose walks in, icepack on his neck.

“Hoo, boy! That Gold Lynel. He’s a beast. Big, strong and mean, no wonder he was dominating the Octagon. No wonder he dominates the squared circle!” Groose was honored that HPW would choose him, but maybe they underestimated Lynel, or overestimated him. Groose will need a minute to feel 100% after this one. Groose walks away, but will he look to climb Death Mountain again?

Gold Lynel walks in, and right up to the camera.

“That was a good start. But give me better next time.” With that, he walks away, grabbing another water. Who will HPW find to take on the One True Monster next time?

 

After the Termina Championship Fatal 4 Way #1 Contender’s Match:

Teba walks in first, icepacks on neck and head.

“Well, what a great debut for me, huh? Big match, big stage, big loss. But that’s okay! I can only go up from here! You’ll be seeing more of me, I promise you that.”

Rosso walks in next, coughing a bit.

A staff member gets Rosso water and he takes long chugs. He thanks the staff member then talks to the camera. “Anyone out there ever taken a beak to the sternum? Not gonna lie, it hurts, and really takes the air out of ya.” Rosso commends all three opponents on that match, and congratulates Osphala on winning. Rosso hopes Osphala gets Igos du Ikana good whenever that HyruleMania rematch happens. Rosso then nods to everyone and hopes to see them on better circumstances next time.

Doomknocker walks in but isn’t even bothering with the camera.

“Didn’t get at one belt, but there’s still three belts out there!” Knocker walks off, and as we know now, he found Dark Hammer and Gooma backstage.

Osphala walks in, looking very determined.

“Igos du Ikana. You used the Captain of the Guard against me at HyruleMania, all because I got that close to taking your title from you. I respected you, but that’s why I didn’t think you’d do it. You ruined that moment for me, for yourself, for all of us. So I’m going to ruin your reign.” Will the Gleaming Yellow Light look to go down a dark path against the Termina Champion?

 

After the Trios Championships match:

HPW referees and officials escort trios in.

The Desert Flowers, the Ikana Royal Family and the Three Masters are still heated after how things turned into chaos, but King Nicolas Foolyere keep them from brawling backstage. They all shout at him to do something about this and he promises he will. But how is HPW going to handle the turmoil in the Trios Division?

Forged By Violence storms in next.

Iron Knuckle says, “We’re not mad about how the UnderWorld Order won. That was good use of numbers and misdirection. But we’re pissed at ourselves for letting that be what beats us. We’re warriors, tacticians, strategists. We’re smarter than this.” Knuckle does commend all those other teams for coming out to pounce on an opportunity. “No guaranteed rematches in HPW. Everyone earns everything here. But that doesn’t mean we won’t earn our rematch.”

The Doom Bringers enter.

Knocker returns with Hammer and Gooma and he feels pretty good about himself. “That’s how you send a message, fellas! That’s how you make a statement! That’s how you stake your claim in this Division! UnderWorld Order, ya bunch of Halloween decorations, don’t get comfortable! You ain’t having those belts for long! See you soon.” Will the Doom Bringers be the ones to challenge the uWo first?

The uWo finally enter, not in a good mood.

Hollywood ReDead shouts, “Where the hell are they?! Doom Bringers! DOOM BRINGERS! You sons o’ bitches!” ReDead tips the table over and lets the water bottles fly while Death Sword speaks. “See, you boys made a mistake. You thought you could just attack from behind, pick a fight, and then let everyone else fight for you. But if you want these titles, you have to take us on directly. There won’t be a dozen people in the way, it’ll be 3-on-3. And your three doesn’t measure up to our three.” Gomess adds that “bringing doom isn’t going to do a damn thing. We bring DEATH!”

ReDead stops pacing around angrily to pick a water up off the ground and chug it. Then he angrily sputters with water going everywhere, “Whatcha gonna do, brother, when the UnderWorld Order runs wild, on YOU?!”

 

After the Triforce Championship match:

Zelda walks in, shouldering her Goddess Championship.

“That was… That was good. I lost, but that was still a good match. Y’know, give it your all and there are no regrets.” HPW media asks about the kiss. “Oh, I dunno. It was just the cheek. It’s whatever.” And don’t think she didn’t hear about posts online “shipping” the two of them together. “That’s… That’s inappropriate.” But moving on from that and from the loss, Zelda is going to defend her championship. She is ready for whoever wants after the belt. “May, June, July, I want a match for every one of those events and beyond.” Who will step up to take on this fighting Goddess?

Link walks in and sits at the table.

He sets the Triforce Championship up for cameras to see while sitting with a bottle of milk. HPW media asks if he feels good after the match, and he nods, “Yes.” They noticed he hesitated when going for Light Arrow near the end. Was he worried about hurting Zelda? Link shrugs, scratches the back of his head. Did he at least enjoy the kiss? Link has a sly smirk as he looks at the camera. Another reporter asks if Link is going to be a fighting champion on the same level as Zelda. Link nods and sits up straight. Link grabs the belt but before he can say anything, there’s a stir going on. That’s because the Second Triforce Tournament Finals just finished in the shocking fashion we all saw!

Link listens as Hilda, Yuga and Ravio reveal their “master plan,” how Hilda wishes it was going to be a double champion Zelda she was facing, and making it seem like Link is the consolation prize. All of that and “All Hail Hilda!” makes Link angry! Will he make “Her Grace” and her minions pay for what they’ve done? Speaking of…

 

After the Second Triforce Tournament Finals:

Hilda, Yuga and Ravio walk in together.

Ravio pulls out the chair for Hilda, and Yuga carries in the first-ever Triforce Tournament Trophy for her. Hilda sits down, Yuga carefully sets the trophy on the table, and Ravio uses a Ravio branded corkscrew to open up a bottle of wine, which surprisingly isn’t Ravio branded. He pours a glass for Hilda, and the glass has a Ravio logo on it. Hilda swishes the wine, lets the aroma waft into her nose, then takes a sip. She seems satisfied with Ravio’s selection and finally speaks. “I know no one was happy about how my associates and I made our ways to the Bracket Finals. We bent the rules, got the better of those who foolishly underestimated us, and got to compete on the Triforce Anniversary.

“Whether you like it or not, I am your second-ever winner of the Triforce Tournament. Where in the rules does it say that wrestlers can’t work together in a Triple Threat? And whether you like it or not, I am going to be your next Triforce Champion.” HPW let the first tournament winner, the first Triforce Champion, Link, wait a long time before he had to defend his title. Link is champion again, but Hilda won’t let history repeat itself. Hilda demands that at the very next HPW event, she gets her title match. “That way, there’ll still be some shine on this trophy when I set it beside the title.”

Hilda takes another sip of wine, but seems a little disappointed. “Hmm… Doesn’t last that long, does it? Much like Link’s reign!” Hilda laughs, splashes a staff member with the wine, then leaves with Ravio and Yuga following behind. Will Her Grace soon crown herself the Champion of Hyrule?


My Thoughts:

And we’re off! Year two of HPW, and we’ve already got Link VS Hilda on the schedule. I have stuff planned for May already, mostly around that match and the Trios Championships, but I should be able to squeeze in another Gold Lynel match, and maybe something for the HPW Women’s Division. I don’t know if there are a lot of possibilities, but there are some good ones to choose from.

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Bandwagon Nerds

Bandwagon Nerds #288: Disney In The Desert

Disney makes a controversial decision about where it is building its 7th theme park. Plus, loads of trailers, Thunderbolts* news, DCU updates, and more!

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Bandwagon Nerds Mario

Patrick returns to the show this week and leads the guys through a stacked Trailer Park, including the most recent previews of Old Guard 2, The Long Walk, Peacemaker Season 2, and Stick. Patrick also shares his thoughts with Dave and Tunney about Thunderbolts* and addresses some interesting rumors about what didn’t make it into the film. Meanwhile, Disney makes a very divisive decision about a 7th theme park, and President Trump’s trade war targets the film industry. It sounds crazy, but it’s true. If you are curious, we have answers, so make sure you tune in!

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Join Patrick O’Dowd, David Ungar, PC Tunney, Rey Cash, and DPP as they keep everyone up on all things nerd and maybe add some new nerds along the way. It’s the Bandwagon Nerds Podcast!

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Chairshot Radio Network

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Attitude Of Aggression Podcast & The Big Five Project (chronologically exploring WWE’s PPV/PLE history)

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Attitude Of Aggression Podcast & The Big Five Project (chronologically exploring WWE's PPV/PLE history)

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Mitchell’s Hyrule Puro-Resu News Report! (5/9/25)

June will be electric!

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Prepare for the most electrifying even of the HPW calendar!

While the stage is set for Blood & Thunder 4 and the HPW World Trios Championships, HPW must also address the return of KAGE!

 

Thundra Plateau is ready.

Wrestling is Life, but life has its stormy weather. The rain is going to be hot in June, but will the reign continue through the Summer? The Dark Forces may have failed to take the Undisputed Triforce World Championship from Zelda, but they still have the World Trios Championships. Harlequin, Lupay & Glutko will step inside the double ring, double cage to defend their gold. On one side, Arrow Club’s special combination of Fin Balure, Torbevito & Bad Croc Scaly. On the other, a new combination of its own in Cia, Lana & Midna.

 

Speaking of Cia, Lana & Midna…

The three of them are together, dressed in workout attire, in what appears to be a dance studio. This is a collaboration stream for Midna and Lana as they’re both big presences on the internet, aka “influencers.” Lana and Midna wave and say hi, and they give introductions, including Cia, who is reluctant to be standing there. Cia doesn’t know why they need to do this. Lana says they have to improve their teamwork. They may have won against Los Taros Locos, but it was really sketchy there for a second. Midna adds that doing a dance routine together is great for their timing and coordination.

Cia says she didn’t mean that, she meant having to stream it! Oh, well obviously, combining Midna’s viewing audience with Lana’s, and HPW’s overall, this makes huge numbers! So? And huge money…! Cia raises her eyebrow and says, “Oh really?” The trio sets up, and Lana says obviously they first have to learn the steps. Midna brings up, “Wait, what song are we dancing to?” Oh, good point. Lana was thinking something from Lulu. Cia asks, “Lulu? From the Indigo-Go’s?” Midna says Lulu’s got a great solo album. Lana agrees! That’s so great that they like the same music. Cia isn’t as familiar with her solo stuff, so she’ll rely on them for this.

Lana suggests they go with Energetic Me. For one, it has the most energy, duh. And it still has a dance vibe, which is the whole point. Midna says she might’ve gone with Royal Discotheque or Ten Outta Ten, but she sees Lana’s point. Lana shows them the dance moves she has in mind. Left arm up, bent at the elbow, and the hand up against the side of the chest. Then they switch so the right arm goes up to mirror that position while the left hand goes back to the hip. Maybe add a little hip pop as that happens. Do that a couple times, and then turn to the right. This puts the left hand on the back of the hip, right hand on the back of the neck for a sexy pose.

Then you turn to flip it the other way, then do a 360 with a big neck whipping, hair flipping move. Then finish with feet apart and double V’s up by the eyes, maybe with a wink. Cia says, “Yeah, okay…” while Midna says, “I like it!” Midna says she’ll set up in the middle. Cia asks why Midna is in the middle, and Midna says it’s symmetry. She’s the tallest, Cia and Lana are about the same, it makes sense. Yeah, but it also means Midna is the center of attention. Well, that’s just coincidental. Lana says it doesn’t matter, the point is them doing it all in synch. Cia sighs and says, “Fine.” Midna is in the middle, Cia is on her right, and the music plays.

Left arm, right arm, left arm, right arm, pose to the right, pose to the left, 360 spin and neck whip, then double V. Midna nailed it, but Cia was lagging. Cia defends she was not, but Lana says it’s alright, they’ll just keep trying. They run through it a couple more times, they do tighten it up, and all three feel really good about how that went.

The Dark Forces are watching.

They aren’t impressed by the “little dance party.” Harlequin says the Faces of Evil are way better anyway. Especially with the classics like the Thriller dance and Macarena. Zant says, “The Macarena? Pfft, and people think I’m a dork…” Harlequin says, “Don’t you dare mock the Macarena!” Harlequin changes tabs on the computer and starts playing the song! After the introduction, he lifts his right arm up flat, then his left. Then he turns the right hand up, the left hand up, puts his right hand on his left shoulder, left hand on right shoulder, then moves right hand up behind his head, and then his left.

Now his arms crisscross, right hand on left hip and left hand on right hip, to then switch so right hand on right hip and left hand on left hip. And of course, he swivels his hips in one big circle to go with “HEY~ Macarena! AIGHT!” Zant rolls his eyes while Harlequin keeps going, jumping 90 degrees to his left. Ganon walks in, Ghirahim following behind, and he tells Harlequin to “turn that crap off.” Harlequin pouts but he does as told. Ganon seethes as he takes a seat in his big arm chair. “Needless to say… Wrestling is Life didn’t go how I’d hoped. What was Kage even doing there?! Did either of you have any idea he was going to betray us?!”

Zant and Ghirahim are a bit flustered. Zant isn’t even sure Kage was part of The Dark Forces at the time Ganon took ownership. He’d kinda gone rogue at some point, didn’t he? Ghirahim agrees, it didn’t seem like he was even aligned with Cia and the others. All the more reason for Kage to keep his nose out of Ganon’s business! If Kage cared about the Dark Forces, then he would’ve helped them fight back at HyruleMania, or any time since. Kage clearly just wants the title, same as Ganon, so he’s a dead man walking. Speaking of that… Where’s Kevin? He came back in April, why isn’t he here?

 

Somewhere dark and spooky…

Heavy footsteps can be heard echoing as Kevin Gibdo moves down the hallway. He speaks with a low, airy voice, “Majora… Your madness… spread like wildfire… You thought by setting me ablaze… I would crumble into ash… You were wrong! Instead, I have been purified…! Purged of flaws and weaknesses… I now come forth… as gold!” There’s a light at the end of the hall, and Kevin enters a grand hall, with treasure gleaming in the light. At the center is the sarcophagus. Kevin walks up to it, opens it, and then his burnt and tattered bandages fall away before he steps inside. The sarcophagus closes, then the eyes on it begin to glow… Then the entire thing glows!

The glowing becomes a shining light, and that shining becomes so bright that nothing can be seen. It is clear things between Kevin and Majora are not over. Will the Masked Monster even stand a chance once the Gibdo of All Gibdos is restored to full strength?

 

Back to the Dark Forces…

Shabonne says, “I’m sure Kevin is just fine doing whatever Gibdos do on their time off.” Tali says, “What matters is what I’m about to do to that tiny little weasel with the Goddess Championship. If The Dark Forces is gonna have all the gold, then I need to squash her like a bug and take that title off of whatever’s left!” Ganon nods and says he likes the initiative. Tali will start on her own Triple Crown as the Dark Forces will make Hyrule Pro-Wrestling their kingdom! The group cheers while raising a toast! And then Harlequin gets Glutko and Lupay to join in on the Macarena, to which Ganon groans and facepalms.

 

And so, the ThunderStruck card is set!

The double ring, double cage will rattle with Blood & Thunder as the HPW World Trios Championships are on the line! The Gerudo Ace looks to settle a grudge with the Hero’s Shadow! And now, the Million Rupee Championship and HPW Goddess Championships will also be on the line! Will the Dark Forces absolutely dominate the Summer? Be ready to endure the heat on Friday, June 20th!

About Chairshot Radio Network

Launched in 2017, the Chairshot Radio Network presents you with the best in sports, entertainment, and sports entertainment. Wrestling and wrestling crossover podcasts + the most interesting content + the most engaging hosts = the most entertaining podcasts you’ll find!

 MONDAY - Bandwagon Nerds (entertainment & popular culture)

TUESDAY - Musical Chairs (music) / Hockey Talk (NHL)

WEDNESDAY - The Greg DeMarco Show (wrestling) 

THURSDAY - Keeping the news ridiculous... The Oddity / Chairshot NFL (NFL)

FRIDAY - DWI Podcast (Drunk Wrestling Intellect)

SATURDAY - The Mindless Wrestling Podcast

SUNDAY - The Front and Center Sports Podcast 

CHAIRSHOT RADIO NETWORK PODCAST SPECIALS

Attitude Of Aggression Podcast & The Big Five Project (chronologically exploring WWE's PPV/PLE history)

TheChairshot.com PRESENTS...IMMEDIATE POST WWE PLE REACTIONS w/ DJ(Mindless), Tunney(DWI) & Friends

Patrick O'Dowd's 5X5

Classic POD is WAR


Chairshot Radio Network Your home for the hardest hitting podcasts... Sports, Entertainment and Sports Entertainment!

All Shows On Demand


Powered by RedCircle


Let us know what you think on social media @ChairshotMedia and always remember to use the hashtag #UseYourHead!
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