Entertainment

Andrew’s Judgmental Album Reviews: Twelve Foot Ninja – Vengeance (2021)

Well the JAR was dropped into Australia and hot damn this band is unique. Their new album Vengeance really explores A LOT of musical influences. Does it pass judgment?

Published

4 years ago

October 17, 2021

Andrew Balaz

Well the JAR was dropped into Australia and hot damn this band is unique. Their new album Vengeance really explores A LOT of musical influences. Does it pass judgment?

Now this is an interesting concept because I started enjoying this band more for their video for One Hand Killing and not immediately for the music. These psychopaths from Melbourne,Australia have this interesting ability to fuse retro, reggae, funk, industrial and hardcore all into this heavy metal package. When I first heard them they really struck me as a Mike Patton project…possibly just with more drugs directing the ship.

This sonic smorgasbord seems to be a concept album. The album came out with a graphic novel of Vengeance and a book entitled The Wyvern and the Wolf. These guys are nothing if not unique, but we’re not here to fuck spiders, so let’s get to the album!

Artist: Twelve Foot Ninja
Album: Vengeance (2021)
Label: Volcanik Music
Total Album Length: 34:17

Start the Fire starts off the album, so I guess it’s aptly named. Heavy space age sounds with a huge techno sound before the chorus breaks us into more of their chunky metal sound. The verses keep that calm almost introspective feeling going through the listless feeling of their story. With the chorus punching through the haze as more of a motivation to ‘start the fire” within the subject of the song to get going. Heavy dive bomb slides, drop D and that Mudvayne style of progressive nu metal works through the confusion of being wherever they are and having to light a fuse within. Long Way Home hits very early with a Coal Chamber vibe before instrumentally it kinda breaks into a weird Reggae thing. Like this song very literally sounds like Skindred could put it on one of their albums. A little Ragga-Metal with their humor and screaming choruses really livens up the sonic palate but it’s not bad…just a bit of a left turn, though lyrically I suppose it still fits with being somewhere else and having to work back home.

Vengeance has some techno elements but a lot of industrial with nearly mechanical sounds kicking off the first few seconds. “Hate is the dirt that I’ll bury you with – from the grave – that I dig myself” are really poignant lyrics. With such an interesting lyrical tone contained within this 2001: A Space Odyssey and Static X hybrid, the falsetto bridge into the more classic metal vocals for the chorus, and even topped off with what could be the arcade machine with a few lines. IDK I feel like this is going to be how a lot of people feel about this album…just I don’t know. But aside from starting with what is either an old 80s video game OR WALL-E from the movie of the same name, we then go into a Mother Love Bone swingy little jazz number before breaking that with a heavy IDK and going into a retro/Synthwave 80s chorus. This is exactly why the first time I heard these guys they reminded me of Mike Patton just driven by more drugs. The fact this song jumps from 80s arcade sounds, to Jazz to Nu-Metal to Synthwave, to a calming little beat mixed in with the old AOL Dial Up sound. I-D-K, perfect name for this song.

Shock to the System continues with the 80s Synthwave and the robot talking voice. The light guitar and atmospheric keyboard really keeps the huge 80s vibes, and then as we come to the chorus it gets heavier, but not insanely so. Then back to the distorted robo-voice. I definitely understand that most of the songs have a techno or 80s Synthwave vibe and keep the thread of the robotic thing…WHAT THE HELL! Now we have a tango break down, like OUT OF NOWHERE like an RKO. If the last song was really “I don’t know” the way this one jumps around is a real “shock to the system”. None of it’s bad, and as I was trying to say, the themes of the song and story seem to make enough sense, but this is just insane.

Gone sounds like a Simply Red song, so a little groovy pop with a distinct bassline and then the synth space ship, and oohh a little natural piano sound to sound almost like Eye of the Tiger. The very sexy Jazz fusion aspect, oh and a tambourine, the elements they throw in these songs seems to part of the fun I’m having. The end of the song sounds like a video game shutting off and then getting blown up. Culture War this kicks off with a music box and then punches you in the throat with some fast and heavy vocals and instrumentation. The chorus cleans up the vocals, but instrumentally it feels like Pantera Far Beyond Driven. A lot of guttural screams, blast beats and a guitar attack that reminds you the band is “mostly” a metal band. OH but of course we get a little Flamenco break before going fully into the sludgy Nu-Metal Slipknot style of attack for the next chorus.

Dead End starts with very echoed out spacey vocals, before picking up to more of a Sevendust level of anger. It’s still a melodic song, sung fairly well, with an interesting beginning to the choruses since they strip it down to heavier on the rhythm section before picking up the pace during the “I’m Runnin – I’m Runnin” lyrics, which paints a nice picture of being lost/trapped and trying to escape, but also being resistant to the change. Which funnily enough, I feel is something many people can relate to, especially the last few years. Over and Out featured Tatiana Shmayluk, and that’s interesting since she’s the lead singer of Jinjer. So if we know anything, she has an amazing range on vocals from a clear clean vocal to demonic guttural deliveries. She utilizes both aspects of her singing to help the imagery of the fatal attraction in death. Mortality, loss and confusion are big themes in this album, so the fact that Tatiana can be both an angel and devil vocally, makes her a perfect fit. Tangled is kind of a stripped down song, with what sounds like a violin and orchestral elements in what’s starting off as a ballad anyway. Very simple Hard Rock elements, as this continues to tackle the topic of death. Talking about being “tangled in the twilight – waiting for the night ahead”. Definitely ends the album oddly being as somber as it is, but in terms of telling the story, building towards death and then going through the whole journey makes sense. Just odd.

SO – what the hell did I just listen to? This album is all over the place, I can definitely understand how people might just chalk this up to being disjointed or a sonic dumpster fire; but that loses the plot. This album is part of a bigger artistic endeavor the band is going for, and tells a solid story like a musical soundtrack. If you listen to your favorite musical, every song doesn’t perfectly sync into one another, granted it may not jump genres as drastically, but there are still many that do.

With all that said, I had fun with the plethora of earworms, erratic at times additions of elements and just general energy level of the album. It is definitely not for everyone, and some may get frustrated, but the boys have been very busy, like a cat – burying shit on concrete. It’s quite busy…

Final Judgment: 8.5/10

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HPW prepares for the storm ahead…

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But who is their third partner? They didn’t name them, so who could it be? Volga? Kevin Gibdo? Or even Wizzro? Will keeping it an unknown be the key to winning?

Igos du Ikana speaks.

From inside his shadowy throne room, The Ruler of Ruin looks at the HPW Death Mountain Championship on a pedestal. “The HPW Death Mountain Championship. A championship created not just to commemorate one of Hyrule’s greatest landmarks, but also to commemorate one of Hyrule’s greatest wrestling promotions. Death Mountain Wrestling was a vital part of wrestling history, where legends would pave the way for a new generation, and inspire many more. Not unlike Termina Championship Wrestling.”

Igos walks past the pedestal to look to a trophy case. Igos looks to his copy of the classic TCW Championship, and even of the High Noon Championship. There are also poster sized pictures of Igos’ greatest moments, such as the first time he won the TCW title, and the last time he held it while TCW was still active. Igos continues by saying, “I say this not because you don’t know. Of course you know this. I say this so that you might understand. I say this because I need you to understand. You have great aspirations, and strong ambition, but I don’t think you understand what you’re attempting to achieve.

“You stand at the foot of a mountain, it’s shadow upon you. That mountain’s name is legacy. You want to climb the mountain. You want to reach the top and plant your own flag at the summit. You want everyone to see you, to look up to you, to acknowledge you. But this climb is more challenging than you know. This climb is more challenging than you can handle. These belts may only be ten pounds, but they weigh so much more once you put them on. You are not ready for the climb. You are not ready to carry that weight. You are not ready to push yourself, step after step, inch after inch, as the mountain only grows steeper and steeper. And you never will be.

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The Princess of Hyrule visits Hero of Hyrule, Link, now that he’s home from the hospital. He still needs bed rest, given everything Ganon did to him. He has bandages around his head, and his sister, Aryll, checks his stitches. 13 stitches all along the hairline. They’re holding well, no bleeding. Zelda sits with Link and holds his hand. She apologizes for what happened, but Link shakes his head. Aryll agrees, Zelda’s not to blame, Ganon and his Dark Forces are. They ruined her moment, they beat Link down, so they they have to be stopped. Ganon’s coming after the title anyway, so Zelda can get payback at the same time.

Ganon says, “Like I give a damn.” The Gerudo Ace lounges in his manor, The Dark Forces all around him. That now includes Shabonne & Tali, sporting new ensembles to reflect joining up. The Faces of Evil have their HPW World Trios Championships while Ganon has the Triforce Tournament trophy in hand. Ganon then mockingly says, “YoU dEsErVe It~! YoU dEsErVe It~!” Audio from the Triforce Anniversary event is interspliced here, as well as flashes of Zelda being emotional as she has the title belt put on.

“Isn’t it strange that Zelda takes the fall at HyruleMania, but I’m the one relegated to the tournament? And she clearly has that pointy eared little simp wrapped around her finger, or else he wouldn’t have even agreed to the match. But hey, what do I know? I only beat Link one-on-one in his first defense, then beat Zelda one-on-one in my first defense. I’m the Triple Crown Champion, I beat legends of TCW, and I’m this year’s Triforce Tournament winner. No one is more deserving of that title, of whatever title there is, than me! Isn’t that right?” The group all say, “Yeah!”

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