It’s been an interesting week. I’ve spent it re-evaluating everything about life, the universe & everything. I’ve traveled places that people like me would traditionally be ostracized. I embraced different ideas that I hadn’t considered before. It was fun. Honestly, it was more fun than what I spend most of my time doing.

I didn’t miss constantly checking my phone for the latest updates on a world that I increasingly feel disconnected from. Didn’t particularly miss being in the locale I’m usually in. I didn’t miss obsessing over the wrestling scene, or sitting in front of my computer trying to find words to type for the amusement of an audience that mostly doesn’t think much of my efforts anyway. I’m not saying that I gained any knowledge of what exactly I’m looking for out of this crazy thing called life. Still have no idea what I’m supposed to be doing with myself, or why I’m here. What I am saying is that it was nice to get away from pretty much everything for a few days.

But I’m back, and I’ve gotta try & clean up the mess the NFL made of my pick record in Week 4. Pretty much everything that could go wrong with that did. Maybe I can change that now that baseball season is over. Then again, something else may take my attention. Tough to say. Let’s get to those Week 5 NFL picks, since that’s theoretically why you clicked onto this. Vegas Insider provided those sweet lines.

Thursday, October 7

LA Rams (-2.5) at Seattle

When you have props for both Rams and Seahawks players this Thursday pic.twitter.com/RYtMCKbMb1

— Coach McGuirk (@JakeB503) October 5, 2021

That Rams schedule after this week looks like a pretty big winning streak if they do what they usually do. Giants, Lions, Texans, and it’s not like the Titans have knocked socks off so far. The narrative is telling me it’ll be a long night for Seattle. DK Metcalf has struggled against the Rams. Matt Stafford is looking like the truth. Given the way things have gone so far, I need to buck the narrative & take the Seahawks & the points. Russell Wilson is 4-0 on Thursday night games, so maybe he’s building one of those Undertaker streaks.

Sunday, October 10

NY Jets vs. Atlanta (-3)

Soon. 😍 pic.twitter.com/Xhone2QUUC

— Tottenham Hotspur Stadium (@SpursStadium) October 6, 2021

Yep, this is one of those London games. Those are a thing again for reasons that I wouldn’t understand if I wasn’t a Tottenham Hotspur fan glad that the NFL is paying rent. Maybe Spurs can kick that money towards somebody that can actually do something on the pitch. It’d be a nice change of pace. Man, I got too much interest in things that are the drizzling shits.

Fans of these teams could likely say the same thing! I don’t blame you if you don’t want to wake up early for this mess. I’m taking the Jets and the points largely because I took the Jets in the OTT Survivor pool to pay off a joke. I mean, if you really want analysis on the Jets and/or Falcons, let me know. Calvin Ridley is out! There’s something.

Miami at Tampa Bay (-10)

Christian Wilkins said playing Tom Brady is something you tell your grandkids about. “Shoot at this rate he might play my grandkids.” #Buccaneers #Dolphins

— Mike Cugno (@MikeCugnoCBS4) October 6, 2021

I should probably stop betting on Tom Brady & the Buccaneers at some point. Against the Dolphins though? Nahhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Philadelphia at Carolina (-3.5)

Coming soon…@BumpNrunGilm0re‼️ pic.twitter.com/CdlF3OX3Km

— Carolina Panthers (@Panthers) October 6, 2021

Carolina made the big move this week. We all heard that the Patriots were going to cut Gilmore. Sometime before that happened, the Panthers snuck in there and made a trade. Sneaky Panthers, they think they’re going to do something this season. Will they? Tough to say, Dallas pretty well exposed them last week.

The Eagles haven’t done anything to impress me, so I do think the Panthers hold serve at home. Two losers to Dallas.

New Orleans (-2) at Washington

it's victory monday but we can't post the content on ig pic.twitter.com/6jKlij5pLu

— Washington Football Team (@WashingtonNFL) October 4, 2021

I have no idea what to make of the Saints. They look great one week, look terrible the next. I know the Football Team has had a tough stretch, and it’s way too tough to buy into them considering their QB situation or lack thereof. Here’s hoping the Saints show something, there’s too much talent for them to be this…meh.

Tennessee (-4) at Jacksonville

Derrick Henry's last 5 games against the Jaguars:

‣ 104 rush attempts
‣ 740 rush yards
‣ 7.1 yards per attempt
‣ 9 rush TD

INSANE numbers #Titans pic.twitter.com/1XAMS9jzDs

— CBS Sports HQ (@CBSSportsHQ) October 6, 2021

Spoiler Alert: Might be a good week to have Derrick Henry on your fantasy team. Not that it helped me much last week when he went off and I still lost in three leagues, but these things happen. I don’t see any possible reason to bet on the Jaguars other than the chance of it being Opposite Day. Nobody paying attention to Urban Meyer’s coaching career can be too surprised with how this is going. Maybe you’re surprised he’s macking on college girls during the weekend, but we knew something was going to happen. Pretty obvious those health problems are going to flare up and the Jags will be looking for a new coach even sooner than we all thought.

Titans will handle their business.

Detroit at Minnesota (-9.5)

The Week 5 Lions and Vikings game is turning into two medieval armies showing up to the battlefield with half of their troops already dead.

— Eric Thompson (@eric_j_thompson) October 5, 2021

Jeez, that looks like a big number. I feel like I say this every week while looking at the Lions game. Vegas just gives these guys no respect, not even against a team that hasn’t impressed anybody with anything they’ve done so far. I’d like to pick against the Lions since everybody tells me they’re trash and I tend to believe them, but my lack of faith in the Vikings has me taking the points.

Denver at Pittsburgh (-1)

Steelers vs. Broncos pits the team that has played the toughest schedule (Steelers/12-4) against the team that has played the easiest schedule (Broncos/5-11) over the first 4 weeks

— Mark Kaboly (@MarkKaboly) October 5, 2021

People say that Big Ben needs to take a seat since he’s been pretty useless this season. This isn’t a wrong take, but my response to that suggestion is pretty simple: who replaces him? Are you telling me that Dwayne Haskins is a better option? Based off of what? Hell, Haskins is #3 behind Mason Rudolph, and we’ve already seen that poopshow. That won’t work. Nah, the Steelers are stuck with late period Roethlisberger. It’s not ideal, but it’s what they’ve got. I dunno what to tell ya, Steeler fans.

The funny thing? I think it’s good enough to beat Denver. The Ravens exposed the Broncos last week as being what we thought they were: not very good. As bad as the Steelers might be, I’m rolling with them here.

Green Bay (-3) at Cincinnati

9/22/13
Packers 30
Bengals 34

Who remembers being nervous about Rodgers having that much time on the clock, then LOSING THEIR MINDS when you realized it was a fumble being returned for a TD?#Bengals | #RuleTheJungle pic.twitter.com/H3N730uwjF

— 𝘉𝘦𝘯𝘨𝘢𝘭𝘴𝘊𝘢𝘱𝘵𝘢𝘪𝘯 (@BengalsCaptain) October 4, 2021

Weird things happen when the Packers meet the Bengals. Brett Favre made his Packers QB debut in a Bengals game when the immortal Don Majikowski got hurt. The rest was history. A fan memorably ran onto the field towards the end of Favre’s last meeting with the Bengals. The criminally underrated Ken Anderson threw his first NFL touchdown pass against the Packers. Also the clip above. These teams don’t meet often, but when they do, something crazy is bound to go down.

I can only imagine how crazy Bengals fans will go if their team somehow goes to 4-1 via a victory over the great Aaron Rodgers & the Packers. Things are percolating right now, should the Bengals win on Sunday, I expect complete pandalerium. It would be huge for Joe Burrow, Ja’Marr Chase & the rest of the young Bengals if they can win without Joe Mixon powering the running game. It seems unlikely, which is why I have to go against what I want to happen & pick what I feel will happen. The Bengals will get close, but the Packers get them by at least a touchdown.

New England (-9) at Houston

Patriots and Texans may as well be division rivals. They have played each other in every year from 2012-21 except 2014. Sunday's game in Houston will be their 11th matchup in the last 10 years

— Ben Volin (@BenVolin) October 6, 2021

I wasn’t as impressed with the Patriots as everybody else was on Sunday night. That being said…man, the Texans are just wretched. If this line was a little higher I’d go with them, but the Patriots can shut them down on defense and score at least 10 points.

Chicago at Las Vegas (-5.5)

Fun fact: When the #Bears play the #Raiders in Vegas, it will mark the fourth different host city in the last four meetings. They met in London in 2019, Chicago in 2015 and Oakland in 2011.

— Patrick Finley (@patrickfinley) October 6, 2021

I was hoping for a bit better from the Raiders on Monday night, but the Chargers are pretty legit. The Bears…eh, well, we’ll see what Justin Fields can do out there. I’m gonna roll with the Raiders and not feel too great about it, but there’s a good chance of a rookie implosion in Vegas. There also might be a good chance of a Vegas Flu. I’m not sayin’…I’m just sayin’.

Cleveland at LA Chargers (-1.5)

Yes, I’m a biased lineman, but this is facts pic.twitter.com/mjR9QslAWJ

— FOST (@GeorgeFoster72) October 6, 2021

The Chargers have become the favorite to win the AFC. The Browns were the favorite to win the AFC during the preseason. One could do a deep dive into this thing, and an argument can be made for the Browns based off their defense. At the end of the day, give me Justin Herbert over Baker Mayfield. Let’s not overthink this thing, let’s just pick the Chargers and move on.

NY Giants at Dallas (-7)

In 6 days the Giants and Cowboys go to war in a battle of the best quarterback in the NFC East vs Dak Prescott.

Bring it on!#DANNYDIMES #GIANTS #NYG #GIANTSPRIDE pic.twitter.com/vadojEWrOU

— Chuck Knoxx (@chuckknoxx) October 4, 2021

AMERICA’S GAME OF THE WEEK! I mean, it is America’s Team & America’s Most Populated City’s Team, so I kinda get it here. We’ve been slow to buy into the Cowboys here because…well, you’ve seen the last 25 years or so of the Cowboys. They show flashes sometimes, but it’s mostly been a disappointment. People won’t fully buy into this team until they’re in the playoffs and winning games. It is what it is, the standards are higher for name brand teams.

That being said, we might as well ride the momentum while we can. The Cowboys been looking good. The Giants…well, they’ve had one good week. I’ll need more than that before telling you to bet on them.

San Francisco at Arizona (-5.5)

The Arizona Cardinals are 4-0, & in first place in the NFC West

The 49ers are coming off 2 straight losses & currently sit in last place in the NFC West

Based on the laws of physics within this division, the 49ers will win this game

Don’t even try to refute this, it’s science

— Jordan Elliott (@splash_cousin) October 6, 2021

Everybody wanted to tell us about the NFC West before the season started. The Rams were gonna set the world on fire with Matt Stafford. Kyle Shanahan was the smartest coach in the world and would lead the 49ers to dominance. Then you had Pete Carroll, Russell Wilson & the Seahawks. Everybody forgot to mention the Cardinals, but that’s the team standing alone at 4-0. How bout that? As somebody who put a lot of stock into Kyler Murray for his fantasy season, I’m feeling pretty good about it after four weeks. Even if the rest of my teams are a dumpster fire…at least I got one thing right, by gum!

However, the rule of the NFC West tells me that the Cardinals are due for a letdown, even if I haven’t seen anything out of the 49ers that tells me they’ll live up to the hype. I should be picking the 49ers…but I just don’t know where their points are coming from. I’ll defy NFC West logic & go with the Cardinals.

Buffalo at Kansas City (-2.5)

Week 5, Bills at Chiefs. Arguably biggest game of NFL regular season.

Buffalo win = 2 game lead on KC, effectively 3 w tiebreaker. Not sure Bills will lose 3 more ROS, while Chiefs still have AFC West foes.

Huge path towards 1 seed, lone AFC bye.

— Mark Stopa (@MarkStopa) October 4, 2021

It seems like hyperbole in Week 5 with so much football left to be played, but this does have the feel of a game that could mean much down the line. The Chiefs haven’t been terribly impressive early in the season, but we know there’s a lot of talent there, and they will be at or near the top of the AFC when everything shakes out, barring an injury to Patrick Mahomes or a meteor hitting Arrowhead Stadium during a football game. Week 1 shook our confidence in the Bills, but they’ve been on point ever since, blowing the doors off of everybody in their path.

However, the Chiefs have had their number lately, and we know how these Sunday night games go. The favorites typicaly win while Cris Collinsworth slurps everything about them. This week he’s gonna be going crazy about Pat Mahomes, Andy Reid, Tyreek Hill and maybe even Josh Gordon since that’s a thing. Chiefs gonna remind people who they are.

Monday, October 11

Indianapolis at Baltimore (-7)

'Flus says the Colts do some work on the Ravens in training camp and the offseason because it's such a unique offense, particularly with Baltimore's integration of Lamar Jackson in the run game.

— Joel A. Erickson (@JoelAErickson) October 5, 2021

The Colts haven’t really clicked yet. They might at some point, but I don’t see it happening in Baltimore on Monday night. Give me Lamar Jackson & the Ravens in prime time.

Week 4 Record: 5-11

Overall Record: 28-35-1