Entertainment

Mitchell’s Hyrule Puro-Resu News Report! (4/20/22)

It’s an HPW news round-up!

Published

3 years ago

April 20, 2022

Steven Mitchell

There’s a lot to unpack in this Spring cleaning edition!

HPW ThunderStruck is like a storm on the horizon! And it’s already heating up as HPW adds FOUR MORE MATCHES, all with something on the line!

Ghirahim keeps rubbing it in.

“Oh, poor, poor Midna. You only got one little piece of your clunky, hideous headdress. But it’s alright, Twilight Princess, it’s alright. I’ll give you a chance to win another piece. Meet me at Thundra Plateau, and come hell or high water, I’ll make you humble!” The Living Blade has put out the challenge, but will Midna win back another piece of her crown?

The UnderWorld Order is in trouble!

HPW Management has them come in to Headquarters, and they sit down with Humpback Hook Halibut. He asks them, “Do you think you’re being funny, defacing the Triforce Championship? A world title?” Hollywood ReDead, who spray painted the belt, speaks up. “I wasn’t defacing the title. I was labelling it. The uWo is going to own that belt soon enough.” Hook says ReDead is forgetting that no one in the uWo won the Triforce Tournament. Kage won and is Link’s next challenger. Death Sword asks, “Does he have to be next?” Kage won the tournament and has a title match in the wings, but it’s not like anyone announced he’s challenging Link in May.

Hook tells uWo that they’re not going to weasel their way into a title match with a technicality. Kage will be facing Link for the HPW Triforce Championship. “Sure he will,” Gomess says. Hook doesn’t like what the uWo is implying. They will not interfere with the title match or else they’ll be fined and suspended. And for that matter, they’ll be fined for defacing the title! One THOUSAND Rupees! “That’s fine,” another person says as he walks in. Ted Beedle Ossi!? The Million Rupee Man stands with the uWo and throws out four GOLD RUPEES! “Keep the change. Now, what’s this about the title situation?”

Hook has an assistant bag up the Rupees, and says, “Well, Ted… Kage is going to face Link. But if the uWo wants to get involved, I have a suggestion.” Ted and the uWo look at each other and seem in agreement. “Go on.” Hook suggests a special Trios match for ThunderStruck. The uWo will take on the Dark Forces’ Kage, Gibdo and Volga. If the Dark Forces win, it stays Link VS Kage. But if the uWo win, then ReDead can join that title match as a Triple Threat! The uWo likes the sound of that, and agree to the terms. The uWo may be rolling in Rupees with Ted by their side, but will they soon be bringing home the gold?

HPW makes official announcements!

With the number one contender’s matches happening on the Triforce Anniversary, we have two title matches all set! Despite Tali getting heavily involved and targeting Torbevito, the young Zora luchador still won the #1 Contender Ladder Match! Now the Dame of the Dunes will defend her HPW Death Mountain Championship against the Son of the Whirlpool at ThunderStruck! And likewise, Igos du Ikana beat Osphala in a #1 Contender’s match, and he has his path back to the HPW Termina Championship! Will Fin Balure and Tali hold onto their titles? Or will they be struck down by motivated challengers?

My Thoughts:

Don’t worry, I had all these in the works long before today. But 4/20 just seemed like the right time to announce things, just like that “press conference” article two years ago. ThunderStruck is shaping up to be a big card, but you readers will have to tell me if it’s going to outshine Triforce Anniversary or not. I really should’ve remembered to include Ghirahim VS Midna on the Triforce Anniversary card but March had the New Japan Cup taking up a lot of my time.

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