Entertainment
Andrew’s Judgmental Album Reviews: Sonja – Loud Arriver (2022)
Gothic Hair Metal crawls into the JAR this week! Sonja’s full-length debut! How does it fair?

So while I don’t have a large metal act to throw into the JAR this week; this popped up often this month as an album that had people’s interest. I tried not to spoil myself, so I just listened to a snippet and I was intrigued. An interesting combination of Gothic Rock and 80s Hair Metal seem to be the formula for this band.
Now the current iteration of this band is born out of bigotry in a way. Melissa Moore (the lead vocalist and guitarist), was in Absu, came out to her bandmates as transgendered and they fired her. So she returned to Philly to resurrect an old side project she started in 2014. So after closed mindedness, anger and a pandemic; we finally get the full length debut of Sonja. Let’s how they fuse some of the darker gothic elements with the bombastic hair metal ways.
Sonja is: Melissa Moore (Guitars & Vocals), Ben Brand (Bass & Keyboards), Gresiek Czapla (Drums & Percussion)
- Artist: Sonja
- Album: Loud Arriver (2022)
- Label: Cruz del Sur Music
- Total Track Time: 37:57
When the Candle Burns Low… starts off with some echoed vocals and a gentle guitar strum. Reminiscent a bit of Aerials from System of a Down. When the rhythm section kicks in, they’ve got a bit of an Iron Maiden gallop, but the echoed vocals remind me of old Candlemass. Even though the lyrics are fantasy draped with witches and flight, the “I’ll Never Die” feels like it’s probably directed towards the unceremonious exit from her former band. I do really enjoy the mix of musical flavors in this song. It’s a very good opener to at least whet the appetite to see what else is to come. Nylon Nights well if you couldn’t tell from the title, this starts off like the most 80s song ever. We can all infer the title is very much on the slinkier/risqué side of night time. Most likely a little diddy about being a Hooker, but I do really like the last few lines of the chorus; “Prowl in the night, Danger and desire keep me alive, Oh there’s nothing inside, nothing inside at all”. Pink Fog is an interesting little shift. The way Melissa’s cadence adjusts through the song, gives me very big The Birthday Massacre vibes. It has the 80s Dokken rhythm to the drums and really does a interesting job at keeping everything in a similar vein, but bringing out the chase/surrounded feeling of the song.
Wanting Me Dead is one of those songs where I’m not going to comment much on the lyrics, because I can’t relate to them; but I understand what they’re getting across. “Priest and preacher wanting me dead, In the congregation’s head, Got the doctor wanting me dead, The prescription that I get, Mother and father wanting me dead, Like brother and sister said, Even the mirror wanting me dead, My reflection burning red”. Musically it is very basic hard rock, it has a few elements that remind me of Helloween and a touch of Bon Jovi, but generally it’s more of a hard rock song with an important feeling to express. Fuck, Then Die I’m pretty sure this was the premise for one of the dorks in Grease 2 who was trying to hookup with his girl. But honestly, I enjoy irreverent concept of if we’re gonna die, might as well fuck until Armageddon. ” I just wanna fuck all day and all night, Anything else is a waste of our time, Gonna make sure you’re feelin’ alright, We’ll be dead tomorrow” – the point is clear. However, critically, this is their weakest song so far. The instrumentation doesn’t steer into either impending doom or “fuck the fear away”, its just a bit on the generic side.
Daughter of the Morning Star returns to the rhythm guitar and bass have that Iron Maiden style gallop again, but when we get to the chorus it’s a bit too open and anthemic. It really sounds more like a Blind Guardian B-side than the goth/hair metal they’ve done so far. Also I was really hoping for a play on Morning Star with a Lucifer reference, instead of like…a fading sun or whatever the fantastical lyrics are exactly about. So this is better than the last song, but still a noticeable step down from the first half of the album so far. Moans From the Chapel exactly the song all WWE fans wanted! The reverse Katie Vick! “Tonight she arrived, To where his body lied, For one last time, In his casket opened wide, Climbed inside, It was so cold between her thighs, She rides him tightly, And her moans from the chapel heard tonight” – in all seriousness, this song starts off great. Its faster tempo, the echoed vocals work well for being inside a chapel, and the darker imagery is very metal and cool. They finally are starting to give 80s Hair Metal vibes cleanly again, like Cinderella defiling a corpse. Good stuff here. Loud Arriver I get huge Judas Priest vibes off this song. Hell I also get Ninja Sex Party vibes because the first verse is corny as hell, but fits the 80s metal motif. Small issue really just being the rhyme scheme and general flow of the chorus, while not awful; it feels extremely forced when trying to punctuate the “Loud Arriver” part. Oh I do like the little Spanish guitar break down toward the end of the song though.
Now I’ll admit it really bogged down in the middle. But we’re looking at the full-length debut and a fairly unique mixture of musical elements. It’s not often when I can reference Candlemass, Ninja Sex Party and Dokken for a band. Some of the biggest issues with different songs was not committing fully to a sound. If its supposed to be raunchy, go fast and dirty, if it’s supposed to be looming; that’s when Black Metal influences will shine.
All in all, it’s a good first album. Even the songs I was disappointed were just generic and not like musical homicide. So there’s a lot of potential, hopefully bigotry and already large political games in the music scene don’t cause this band any unnecessary issues.
Final Judgment: 6.85/10
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Bandwagon Nerds
Bandwagon Nerds #288: Disney In The Desert
Disney makes a controversial decision about where it is building its 7th theme park. Plus, loads of trailers, Thunderbolts* news, DCU updates, and more!

Patrick returns to the show this week and leads the guys through a stacked Trailer Park, including the most recent previews of Old Guard 2, The Long Walk, Peacemaker Season 2, and Stick. Patrick also shares his thoughts with Dave and Tunney about Thunderbolts* and addresses some interesting rumors about what didn’t make it into the film. Meanwhile, Disney makes a very divisive decision about a 7th theme park, and President Trump’s trade war targets the film industry. It sounds crazy, but it’s true. If you are curious, we have answers, so make sure you tune in!
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PROWRESTLINGTEES.COM/TheChairshot – Makes a GREAT GIFT!!!
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Launched in 2017, the Chairshot Radio Network presents you with the best in sports, entertainment, and sports entertainment. Wrestling and wrestling crossover podcasts + the most interesting content + the most engaging hosts = the most entertaining podcasts you’ll find!
MONDAY - Bandwagon Nerds (entertainment & popular culture)
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Prepare for the most electrifying even of the HPW calendar!
While the stage is set for Blood & Thunder 4 and the HPW World Trios Championships, HPW must also address the return of KAGE!
Thundra Plateau is ready.
Wrestling is Life, but life has its stormy weather. The rain is going to be hot in June, but will the reign continue through the Summer? The Dark Forces may have failed to take the Undisputed Triforce World Championship from Zelda, but they still have the World Trios Championships. Harlequin, Lupay & Glutko will step inside the double ring, double cage to defend their gold. On one side, Arrow Club’s special combination of Fin Balure, Torbevito & Bad Croc Scaly. On the other, a new combination of its own in Cia, Lana & Midna.
Speaking of Cia, Lana & Midna…
The three of them are together, dressed in workout attire, in what appears to be a dance studio. This is a collaboration stream for Midna and Lana as they’re both big presences on the internet, aka “influencers.” Lana and Midna wave and say hi, and they give introductions, including Cia, who is reluctant to be standing there. Cia doesn’t know why they need to do this. Lana says they have to improve their teamwork. They may have won against Los Taros Locos, but it was really sketchy there for a second. Midna adds that doing a dance routine together is great for their timing and coordination.
Cia says she didn’t mean that, she meant having to stream it! Oh, well obviously, combining Midna’s viewing audience with Lana’s, and HPW’s overall, this makes huge numbers! So? And huge money…! Cia raises her eyebrow and says, “Oh really?” The trio sets up, and Lana says obviously they first have to learn the steps. Midna brings up, “Wait, what song are we dancing to?” Oh, good point. Lana was thinking something from Lulu. Cia asks, “Lulu? From the Indigo-Go’s?” Midna says Lulu’s got a great solo album. Lana agrees! That’s so great that they like the same music. Cia isn’t as familiar with her solo stuff, so she’ll rely on them for this.
Lana suggests they go with Energetic Me. For one, it has the most energy, duh. And it still has a dance vibe, which is the whole point. Midna says she might’ve gone with Royal Discotheque or Ten Outta Ten, but she sees Lana’s point. Lana shows them the dance moves she has in mind. Left arm up, bent at the elbow, and the hand up against the side of the chest. Then they switch so the right arm goes up to mirror that position while the left hand goes back to the hip. Maybe add a little hip pop as that happens. Do that a couple times, and then turn to the right. This puts the left hand on the back of the hip, right hand on the back of the neck for a sexy pose.
Then you turn to flip it the other way, then do a 360 with a big neck whipping, hair flipping move. Then finish with feet apart and double V’s up by the eyes, maybe with a wink. Cia says, “Yeah, okay…” while Midna says, “I like it!” Midna says she’ll set up in the middle. Cia asks why Midna is in the middle, and Midna says it’s symmetry. She’s the tallest, Cia and Lana are about the same, it makes sense. Yeah, but it also means Midna is the center of attention. Well, that’s just coincidental. Lana says it doesn’t matter, the point is them doing it all in synch. Cia sighs and says, “Fine.” Midna is in the middle, Cia is on her right, and the music plays.
Left arm, right arm, left arm, right arm, pose to the right, pose to the left, 360 spin and neck whip, then double V. Midna nailed it, but Cia was lagging. Cia defends she was not, but Lana says it’s alright, they’ll just keep trying. They run through it a couple more times, they do tighten it up, and all three feel really good about how that went.
The Dark Forces are watching.
They aren’t impressed by the “little dance party.” Harlequin says the Faces of Evil are way better anyway. Especially with the classics like the Thriller dance and Macarena. Zant says, “The Macarena? Pfft, and people think I’m a dork…” Harlequin says, “Don’t you dare mock the Macarena!” Harlequin changes tabs on the computer and starts playing the song! After the introduction, he lifts his right arm up flat, then his left. Then he turns the right hand up, the left hand up, puts his right hand on his left shoulder, left hand on right shoulder, then moves right hand up behind his head, and then his left.
Now his arms crisscross, right hand on left hip and left hand on right hip, to then switch so right hand on right hip and left hand on left hip. And of course, he swivels his hips in one big circle to go with “HEY~ Macarena! AIGHT!” Zant rolls his eyes while Harlequin keeps going, jumping 90 degrees to his left. Ganon walks in, Ghirahim following behind, and he tells Harlequin to “turn that crap off.” Harlequin pouts but he does as told. Ganon seethes as he takes a seat in his big arm chair. “Needless to say… Wrestling is Life didn’t go how I’d hoped. What was Kage even doing there?! Did either of you have any idea he was going to betray us?!”
Zant and Ghirahim are a bit flustered. Zant isn’t even sure Kage was part of The Dark Forces at the time Ganon took ownership. He’d kinda gone rogue at some point, didn’t he? Ghirahim agrees, it didn’t seem like he was even aligned with Cia and the others. All the more reason for Kage to keep his nose out of Ganon’s business! If Kage cared about the Dark Forces, then he would’ve helped them fight back at HyruleMania, or any time since. Kage clearly just wants the title, same as Ganon, so he’s a dead man walking. Speaking of that… Where’s Kevin? He came back in April, why isn’t he here?
Somewhere dark and spooky…
Heavy footsteps can be heard echoing as Kevin Gibdo moves down the hallway. He speaks with a low, airy voice, “Majora… Your madness… spread like wildfire… You thought by setting me ablaze… I would crumble into ash… You were wrong! Instead, I have been purified…! Purged of flaws and weaknesses… I now come forth… as gold!” There’s a light at the end of the hall, and Kevin enters a grand hall, with treasure gleaming in the light. At the center is the sarcophagus. Kevin walks up to it, opens it, and then his burnt and tattered bandages fall away before he steps inside. The sarcophagus closes, then the eyes on it begin to glow… Then the entire thing glows!
The glowing becomes a shining light, and that shining becomes so bright that nothing can be seen. It is clear things between Kevin and Majora are not over. Will the Masked Monster even stand a chance once the Gibdo of All Gibdos is restored to full strength?
Back to the Dark Forces…
Shabonne says, “I’m sure Kevin is just fine doing whatever Gibdos do on their time off.” Tali says, “What matters is what I’m about to do to that tiny little weasel with the Goddess Championship. If The Dark Forces is gonna have all the gold, then I need to squash her like a bug and take that title off of whatever’s left!” Ganon nods and says he likes the initiative. Tali will start on her own Triple Crown as the Dark Forces will make Hyrule Pro-Wrestling their kingdom! The group cheers while raising a toast! And then Harlequin gets Glutko and Lupay to join in on the Macarena, to which Ganon groans and facepalms.
And so, the ThunderStruck card is set!
The double ring, double cage will rattle with Blood & Thunder as the HPW World Trios Championships are on the line! The Gerudo Ace looks to settle a grudge with the Hero’s Shadow! And now, the Million Rupee Championship and HPW Goddess Championships will also be on the line! Will the Dark Forces absolutely dominate the Summer? Be ready to endure the heat on Friday, June 20th!
About Chairshot Radio Network
Launched in 2017, the Chairshot Radio Network presents you with the best in sports, entertainment, and sports entertainment. Wrestling and wrestling crossover podcasts + the most interesting content + the most engaging hosts = the most entertaining podcasts you’ll find!
MONDAY - Bandwagon Nerds (entertainment & popular culture)
TUESDAY - Musical Chairs (music) / Hockey Talk (NHL)
WEDNESDAY - The Greg DeMarco Show (wrestling)
THURSDAY - Keeping the news ridiculous... The Oddity / Chairshot NFL (NFL)
FRIDAY - DWI Podcast (Drunk Wrestling Intellect)
SATURDAY - The Mindless Wrestling Podcast
SUNDAY - The Front and Center Sports Podcast
CHAIRSHOT RADIO NETWORK PODCAST SPECIALS
Attitude Of Aggression Podcast & The Big Five Project (chronologically exploring WWE's PPV/PLE history)
TheChairshot.com PRESENTS...IMMEDIATE POST WWE PLE REACTIONS w/ DJ(Mindless), Tunney(DWI) & Friends
Patrick O'Dowd's 5X5
Classic POD is WAR
Chairshot Radio Network Your home for the hardest hitting podcasts... Sports, Entertainment and Sports Entertainment!
Powered by RedCircle
Let us know what you think on social media @ChairshotMedia and always remember to use the hashtag #UseYourHead!