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Mitchell’s Hyrule Puro-Resu News Report! (11/25/22)
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Mitchell’s Hyrule Puro-Resu News Report! (11/25/22)

Fallout from Fyter Feast!

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HPW News 2022

Anyone want leftovers?

Fyter Feast was a mouthful, but there’s still more to digest! Hear from all the winners that are headed to HyruleMania 3, and even the losers who aren’t.

 

After the opening tag team match.

Kage and Wizzro hobble in.

Kage snarls as he sees the camera. “In case Igos watches this back later,” Kage says, “he better know this means nothing. He’ll be fighting a 100% healthy HPW Triforce Champion at HyruleMania, and that guy doesn’t lose.” Kage and Wizzro then get icepacks, for Kage’s ribs and Wizzro’s jaw. Will the Hero’s Shadow get even darker for New Year’s Eve?

The Ikana Royal Family walks in.

Stal-Kid, Sir Hurr & Sir Durr are there to greet the Ruler of Ruin with applause. Igos du Ikana has them settle down, and he looks into the camera. “In case the champion watches this back later,” he says, “I hope he knows whatever he said doesn’t matter. He could’ve been 100% today, and the result would’ve been the same. We won because we our superior to him physically, but more importantly, we are superior to him mentally. He is a blunt instrument that swings at a target, simply trying to smash it. I am an arsenal. I am a multi-tool kit with everything needed for every situation. I will disassemble the machine and take the title from the pile of parts left on the mat. Then Ikana will have glory once again.”

The IRF follows their leader away, no icepacks needed. Will Igos pick Kage apart piece by piece? Or will Kage simply smash Igos to pieces?

 

After Aveil VS Byrne.

Byrne Lokoma and Chancellor Cole walk in.

Cole is fuming and stomping around. “The referee shouldn’t have let that match continue past the Iron Claw Sleeper! It was reckless and it endangered Aveil! He should’ve called it in Byrne’s favor!” Cole’s concern for Aveil is a bit self-serving… Byrne says it’s fine. “My train may have taken a detour, but it isn’t off the rails yet. I’ll be watching HyruleMania very closely. And I will be pulling into a golden station soon after that.” Byrne then heads out, with Cole still fuming as he follows. When and where will we see the Lokoma Express again?

Aveil walks in, with the Gerudo Alliance there to greet her.

They all shout, “SA’OTEN~!” and high-five one at a time. Aveil says, “I’m on my way! I’m going to climb the ladder, climb to the top of Death Mountain, and take that title! And I know these vais (ladies) will get it done, too!” Shabonne says, “Oh, you know it!” The Dames of the Dune are fired up, and we know what happens in the main event.

 

After Odolwa VS Onox.

Onox walks in, checking his neck.

Onox gets an icepack already, and he looks around, looking a bit perplexed. “Well, it was real nice to be brought back after Clash of Fates, but, uh… I was not expecting that good of a fight. That Odolwa. He’s one to watch out for. That Death Mountain Champion better be really careful.” Onox then heads out, icepack on his neck. With that endorsement from the General of Darkness, will the God of Woodfall soon reign in HPW? Speaking of…

Odolwa walks in.

The Sword of the Swamp grabs a bottle of water, chugs it then dumps whatever’s left on his head to cool off. Then he looks right into the camera and shouts, “I will be the God of DEATH MOUNTAIN!!” Odolwa leaves, will his prophecy become reality?

 

After Ralph VS Ghirahim.

Ralph hobbles in.

He gets an icepack for the back of his head, his chin, and his left arm, grumbling the whole time. “Why was Ghirahim chosen? He lost at Clash of Fates! … Well, okay, so did I, but so did all of us Dark Horses. But Ghirahim lost way worse than any of us did. … No, I shouldn’t be making excuses. I should’ve still beat Ghirahim myself. But now, I’ll be watching HyruleMania in hopes everyone else in that match does beat him.” Ralph leaves, icepacks taped in place with some help from production staff. Will Ralph get his wish and see Ghirahim fall in the ladder match?

Ghirahim walks in, smug smirk on his face.

“Redemption is a wonderful feeling, isn’t it? And it’ll feel even sweeter when I take that title back. I should’ve never been robbed of that title, but it’s alright. I’ll reshape Death Mountain in my image again, and once again be… exquisite! Oh, and revenge on Midna is the cherry on top.” Ghirahim heads out, will he enjoy the taste of sweet victory at the Celebration of Greatness? Or another bitter defeat?

 

After the HPW Trios Championship #1 Contenders Three By Four.

Cameras hurry to keep up with the brawling!

Groose keeps throwing hands on Skull Kid all the way into the pavilion in the back! There are fans back there cheering this on, but referees and security hurry to stop this! The two are separated, but the fans chant, “Let Them Fight! Let Them Fight!” Skull Kid wriggles free and JUMPS on Groose! Fans go wild as Skull Kid bowls Groose and a security guard over and they break through a merchandise table! Fans lose their minds as Skull Kid rises up from the wreckage. Then he looks down at all the shirts. “Why’re there so many UnderWorld Order shirts?! Who’s not buying our shirts?!” Will the uWo merch sales go up? More importantly, where is all this rage in Skull Kid coming from?

At the same time…

The rest of the uWo is brawling with the Dark Forces. Volga throws hands with ReDead but ReDead CLUBS Volga down! The Gibdos brawl with fists like a hockey fight, and they go around, knocking over a trash can. UWOG RAMS DFG into the railing of the bleachers, then he picks up the trash can! UWOG BOPS DFG with it! DFG staggers away and UWOG CLUBS him on the back to keep him moving forward. The brawl is moving backstage, just off to the side of the stage. UWOG CLUBS DFG more, and DFG staggers and stumbles, bumping into road cases as he goes. ReDead and Volga are both following!

The Gibdos keep going, throwing hands back and forth through the halls! They’ve entered catering! Torbevito is there eating, and they fall onto his table, breaking it! “Aw c’mon!” Torbevito complains. “That was the last of the prime rib!” Volga and ReDead end up brawling towards the buffet! They’re in the desserts area! ReDead ROCKS Volga with a forearm, but Volga mule kicks in return! Volga then SUPERKICKS ReDead! ReDead wobbles, and Volga jumps onto him as a backpack! Volga smashes ReDead’s face into the DIPPIN’ DOTS!! Rusl on commentary is upset, he really wanted some of those.

Security rushes in now, as does management. Humpback Hook Halibut shouts at all four of them to stop right now, or they’re all suspended! “And there won’t be an amount high enough that Beedle could pay to undo it!” Volga lets off of ReDead and the Gibdos back away from each other. Hook says, “I’m going to figure out how to settle this once and for all. And whatever I decide, it’s all going to happen… at HyruleMania!!” Volga applauds that, and the Gibdos glare at each other. The Gibdos nod, accepting whatever the future holds. Just how will this be decided in one month’s time?

Arrow Club returns backstage.

The Young Ducks & Bad Croc Scaly let their “new” challengers know they were here and are now heading back. Rick Quackson wonders if Torbevito get any of that prime rib, it was going fast. Mack’s sure Torbevito’s fine. “Just like we’re going to be just fine at HyruleMania. I mean, c’mon. Buliara and Riju think swapping out Aveil for Tali is going to change anything. They were all part of the All or Nothing Quartet match. We beat them all at the same time, so any combination of just three of them is going to be a piece of cake!” Scaly wonders if there’s any cake left. Now that Mack is interested in. The Trios Champions head out, but will they be in for a shock on New Year’s Eve?

The Dames of the Dunes are celebrating in the ring.

Fans cheer and the Dames get the mics. Together, Riju, Buliara, Tali and Shabonne shout, “SA’OTEN!!” The fans cheer and even echo, “SA’OTEN!!” Buliara starts by saying, “This feels familiar, doesn’t it? Wasn’t it a couple years ago, the Desert Flowers were proclaiming to the world that we’d be HPW Trios Champions?” Fans cheer, remembering that moment. “Time sure flies when you’re having fun, huh? Though, it wasn’t all fun and games, obviously. We achieved a dream, lived the dream, but then let the dream become a bit of a nightmare. But we’re not afraid. We’re going to dare to dream again, alongside THE Dame of the Dunes!”

Fans cheer and Tali thanks Buliara for that. “She’s right. We’re going to live a new dream. Buliara and Princess Riju, they are dreaming of becoming TWO-TIME HPW Trios Champions!” Fans cheer that, and Tali continues, “And I’m dreaming of having held titles in two different divisions! Aveil is dreaming that same dream because she’s dreaming of being the next Gerudo, the next woman, to hold the Death Mountain Championship! And we’re going to make those dreams come true!” Fans definitely cheer that! Riju now speaks, saying, “For everyone that has stuck by us since that day over two years ago, sarqso <thank you>.” Fans cheer that, too.

“We had a long, hard struggle to get those titles the first time,” Riju continues. “We vowed to get the titles in 2020, but failed. We fought hard all 2021, and we won the belts at HyruleMania 2. We then lost the belts just after five months. But we’re going to repeat what we did at HyruleMania 2 and win the belts at HyruleMania 3!” Fans cheer again. “We will not fall short! We will not let you down! We will not let the dream die!!” Riju gets a bit teared up and fans are fired up now! Riju then takes a breath to calm herself down and continue. “But for now, we must go prepare. So until then, sav’orq, mwah! And sav’orr, POW!” Fans are still fired up, but will the dream come true a second time around?


My Thoughts:

I definitely like doing these “Fallout” articles. Great character and story building since the events are monthly, not weekly. And it allowed to HPW to have a very NJPW “closing promo from the main event winner(s)” moment. I honestly can’t remember when I last did that, outside of when the Desert Flowers did that. But it came as a surprise to me that it had been two years and a couple months. Anyway, I feel like I’ve got my energy going for this year’s HyruleMania. Last year felt a bit off, the latter half of 2021 was rough for me, but I think this is going to be a strong finish to the year.

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Bandwagon Nerds #288: Disney In The Desert

Disney makes a controversial decision about where it is building its 7th theme park. Plus, loads of trailers, Thunderbolts* news, DCU updates, and more!

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Bandwagon Nerds Mario

Patrick returns to the show this week and leads the guys through a stacked Trailer Park, including the most recent previews of Old Guard 2, The Long Walk, Peacemaker Season 2, and Stick. Patrick also shares his thoughts with Dave and Tunney about Thunderbolts* and addresses some interesting rumors about what didn’t make it into the film. Meanwhile, Disney makes a very divisive decision about a 7th theme park, and President Trump’s trade war targets the film industry. It sounds crazy, but it’s true. If you are curious, we have answers, so make sure you tune in!

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Mitchell’s Hyrule Puro-Resu News Report! (5/9/25)

June will be electric!

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Prepare for the most electrifying even of the HPW calendar!

While the stage is set for Blood & Thunder 4 and the HPW World Trios Championships, HPW must also address the return of KAGE!

 

Thundra Plateau is ready.

Wrestling is Life, but life has its stormy weather. The rain is going to be hot in June, but will the reign continue through the Summer? The Dark Forces may have failed to take the Undisputed Triforce World Championship from Zelda, but they still have the World Trios Championships. Harlequin, Lupay & Glutko will step inside the double ring, double cage to defend their gold. On one side, Arrow Club’s special combination of Fin Balure, Torbevito & Bad Croc Scaly. On the other, a new combination of its own in Cia, Lana & Midna.

 

Speaking of Cia, Lana & Midna…

The three of them are together, dressed in workout attire, in what appears to be a dance studio. This is a collaboration stream for Midna and Lana as they’re both big presences on the internet, aka “influencers.” Lana and Midna wave and say hi, and they give introductions, including Cia, who is reluctant to be standing there. Cia doesn’t know why they need to do this. Lana says they have to improve their teamwork. They may have won against Los Taros Locos, but it was really sketchy there for a second. Midna adds that doing a dance routine together is great for their timing and coordination.

Cia says she didn’t mean that, she meant having to stream it! Oh, well obviously, combining Midna’s viewing audience with Lana’s, and HPW’s overall, this makes huge numbers! So? And huge money…! Cia raises her eyebrow and says, “Oh really?” The trio sets up, and Lana says obviously they first have to learn the steps. Midna brings up, “Wait, what song are we dancing to?” Oh, good point. Lana was thinking something from Lulu. Cia asks, “Lulu? From the Indigo-Go’s?” Midna says Lulu’s got a great solo album. Lana agrees! That’s so great that they like the same music. Cia isn’t as familiar with her solo stuff, so she’ll rely on them for this.

Lana suggests they go with Energetic Me. For one, it has the most energy, duh. And it still has a dance vibe, which is the whole point. Midna says she might’ve gone with Royal Discotheque or Ten Outta Ten, but she sees Lana’s point. Lana shows them the dance moves she has in mind. Left arm up, bent at the elbow, and the hand up against the side of the chest. Then they switch so the right arm goes up to mirror that position while the left hand goes back to the hip. Maybe add a little hip pop as that happens. Do that a couple times, and then turn to the right. This puts the left hand on the back of the hip, right hand on the back of the neck for a sexy pose.

Then you turn to flip it the other way, then do a 360 with a big neck whipping, hair flipping move. Then finish with feet apart and double V’s up by the eyes, maybe with a wink. Cia says, “Yeah, okay…” while Midna says, “I like it!” Midna says she’ll set up in the middle. Cia asks why Midna is in the middle, and Midna says it’s symmetry. She’s the tallest, Cia and Lana are about the same, it makes sense. Yeah, but it also means Midna is the center of attention. Well, that’s just coincidental. Lana says it doesn’t matter, the point is them doing it all in synch. Cia sighs and says, “Fine.” Midna is in the middle, Cia is on her right, and the music plays.

Left arm, right arm, left arm, right arm, pose to the right, pose to the left, 360 spin and neck whip, then double V. Midna nailed it, but Cia was lagging. Cia defends she was not, but Lana says it’s alright, they’ll just keep trying. They run through it a couple more times, they do tighten it up, and all three feel really good about how that went.

The Dark Forces are watching.

They aren’t impressed by the “little dance party.” Harlequin says the Faces of Evil are way better anyway. Especially with the classics like the Thriller dance and Macarena. Zant says, “The Macarena? Pfft, and people think I’m a dork…” Harlequin says, “Don’t you dare mock the Macarena!” Harlequin changes tabs on the computer and starts playing the song! After the introduction, he lifts his right arm up flat, then his left. Then he turns the right hand up, the left hand up, puts his right hand on his left shoulder, left hand on right shoulder, then moves right hand up behind his head, and then his left.

Now his arms crisscross, right hand on left hip and left hand on right hip, to then switch so right hand on right hip and left hand on left hip. And of course, he swivels his hips in one big circle to go with “HEY~ Macarena! AIGHT!” Zant rolls his eyes while Harlequin keeps going, jumping 90 degrees to his left. Ganon walks in, Ghirahim following behind, and he tells Harlequin to “turn that crap off.” Harlequin pouts but he does as told. Ganon seethes as he takes a seat in his big arm chair. “Needless to say… Wrestling is Life didn’t go how I’d hoped. What was Kage even doing there?! Did either of you have any idea he was going to betray us?!”

Zant and Ghirahim are a bit flustered. Zant isn’t even sure Kage was part of The Dark Forces at the time Ganon took ownership. He’d kinda gone rogue at some point, didn’t he? Ghirahim agrees, it didn’t seem like he was even aligned with Cia and the others. All the more reason for Kage to keep his nose out of Ganon’s business! If Kage cared about the Dark Forces, then he would’ve helped them fight back at HyruleMania, or any time since. Kage clearly just wants the title, same as Ganon, so he’s a dead man walking. Speaking of that… Where’s Kevin? He came back in April, why isn’t he here?

 

Somewhere dark and spooky…

Heavy footsteps can be heard echoing as Kevin Gibdo moves down the hallway. He speaks with a low, airy voice, “Majora… Your madness… spread like wildfire… You thought by setting me ablaze… I would crumble into ash… You were wrong! Instead, I have been purified…! Purged of flaws and weaknesses… I now come forth… as gold!” There’s a light at the end of the hall, and Kevin enters a grand hall, with treasure gleaming in the light. At the center is the sarcophagus. Kevin walks up to it, opens it, and then his burnt and tattered bandages fall away before he steps inside. The sarcophagus closes, then the eyes on it begin to glow… Then the entire thing glows!

The glowing becomes a shining light, and that shining becomes so bright that nothing can be seen. It is clear things between Kevin and Majora are not over. Will the Masked Monster even stand a chance once the Gibdo of All Gibdos is restored to full strength?

 

Back to the Dark Forces…

Shabonne says, “I’m sure Kevin is just fine doing whatever Gibdos do on their time off.” Tali says, “What matters is what I’m about to do to that tiny little weasel with the Goddess Championship. If The Dark Forces is gonna have all the gold, then I need to squash her like a bug and take that title off of whatever’s left!” Ganon nods and says he likes the initiative. Tali will start on her own Triple Crown as the Dark Forces will make Hyrule Pro-Wrestling their kingdom! The group cheers while raising a toast! And then Harlequin gets Glutko and Lupay to join in on the Macarena, to which Ganon groans and facepalms.

 

And so, the ThunderStruck card is set!

The double ring, double cage will rattle with Blood & Thunder as the HPW World Trios Championships are on the line! The Gerudo Ace looks to settle a grudge with the Hero’s Shadow! And now, the Million Rupee Championship and HPW Goddess Championships will also be on the line! Will the Dark Forces absolutely dominate the Summer? Be ready to endure the heat on Friday, June 20th!

About Chairshot Radio Network

Launched in 2017, the Chairshot Radio Network presents you with the best in sports, entertainment, and sports entertainment. Wrestling and wrestling crossover podcasts + the most interesting content + the most engaging hosts = the most entertaining podcasts you’ll find!

 MONDAY - Bandwagon Nerds (entertainment & popular culture)

TUESDAY - Musical Chairs (music) / Hockey Talk (NHL)

WEDNESDAY - The Greg DeMarco Show (wrestling) 

THURSDAY - Keeping the news ridiculous... The Oddity / Chairshot NFL (NFL)

FRIDAY - DWI Podcast (Drunk Wrestling Intellect)

SATURDAY - The Mindless Wrestling Podcast

SUNDAY - The Front and Center Sports Podcast 

CHAIRSHOT RADIO NETWORK PODCAST SPECIALS

Attitude Of Aggression Podcast & The Big Five Project (chronologically exploring WWE's PPV/PLE history)

TheChairshot.com PRESENTS...IMMEDIATE POST WWE PLE REACTIONS w/ DJ(Mindless), Tunney(DWI) & Friends

Patrick O'Dowd's 5X5

Classic POD is WAR


Chairshot Radio Network Your home for the hardest hitting podcasts... Sports, Entertainment and Sports Entertainment!

All Shows On Demand


Powered by RedCircle


Let us know what you think on social media @ChairshotMedia and always remember to use the hashtag #UseYourHead!
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