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Mitchell’s Hyrule Puro-Resu News Report! (12/29/22)
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Mitchell’s Hyrule Puro-Resu News Report! (12/29/22)

Dawn of the First Day!

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HPW First Day

HPW takes a closer look at the Termina and Trios Championships!

Before the #CelebrationofGreatness, HPW takes a closer look at Arrow Club VS The Dames of the Dunes and Fin Balure VS Ganondorf!

 

Wind is blowing across Hyrule.

It blows across Hebra Peak and the Tabantha Tundra. It blows across the Toruma Dunes against the Great Cliffs. And it blows across Faron Sea, with waves crashing against Aris Beach. We’re shown glimpses of the Young Ducks, Mack & Rick Quackson, gliding into Tabantha Tundra, and then of Ganondorf and the Dames of the Dunes in different parts of the Toruma Dunes, and of Fin Balure and Bad Croc Scaly standing on the beach.

First, in Hebra…

“Ooh, yeah, this is the stuff,” Mack says as he and Rick touch down in the snow. They enjoy the crunch as they walk around. “Winter?” Rick says with some snark. “What’s that? Hebra’s never not covered in snow.” Mack says, “The cold is bracing. The wind is biting. So are the wolves that’re out here, actually, keep eyes out for them.” The Ducks are Rito Village born and raised, and trips to the mountains were commonplace. They feel it toughened them up well enough. But it’s not like that gave them something they wanted to do in life. It was seeing Hebra Wrestling Heights every Saturday night that gave them that.

The Ducks are nostalgic thinking back to HWH Saturday Night Spotlight and the many stars on their screen: Blizzard; The Gliders; The Beak Busters; Rito Santana; and “Big Pecks” Hawk Morrigan. The Ducks knew early on that they wanted to be just like all of those great wrestlers, and their dad supported them by building a wrestling ring in their own backyard to train in. It took some time to get proper recognition, but they were soon living the dream, competing in HWH. They followed the footsteps of those great tag teams, and then took HWH by storm. “And now,” Mack says, “we’re ready to take over Hyrule!”

Then, in Gerudo…

A gust blows across the dunes as the Gerudo Sisterhood walks along. They shield their eyes with veils and their upper bodies with shawls. The gust passes, the cameraman has to dust off the camera, and the Gerudo Sisterhood chuckles. “That’s the Toruma Dunes saying hello,” Shabonne jokes. “They say hello a lot, actually,” Tali says. “That was a short one.” Tali, a champion Sand Seal Surfer, “is greeted” like that more times than she can count. But it’s just another opponent to beat on top of the other racers. Riju has also done some Sand Seal Surfer and can attest to that. If they can overcome the wind, they can overcome anything.

Buliara says, “The real problem is, when there’s no wind, there’s still the heat. The sun beats down on the sand and it becomes a grill that cooks us like meat.” The heat lines are very visible as they walk along. When the heat got too much to withstand, the only reprieve was going inside for shade. And during that time, “who didn’t watch GWF?” The Gerudo Wrestling Federation toured a lot during the 80s and 90s, starring not just great Gerudo wrestlers but many other female wrestlers of the time. The Majestic Marta, Bae Yung, “Twinrova” Koume & Kotake, Rea “The Body” Ventura, and of course, a young and hungry Nabooru.

Shabonne says, “Gerudo sports culture revolves around Sand Seal Surfing, pro-wrestling, and weightlifting. No offense to weightlifters, but that’s too boring for Tali so here she is dominating the other two. And she and I are both proud to be doing so alongside our Gerudo sisters, in a company that allows mixed competition for titles like the HPW Trios Championships. And trust me when I say, they are going to dominate. That All or Nothing match means nothing because it was in the past. What matters is the future. And the future is The Dames of the Dunes keeping the dream alive for all our Gerudo sisters that are inspired by us the way we were inspired by those legends.”

Also in Gerudo…

However, things were a bit different for “The Gerudo Ace,” Ganondorf Dragmire, the rare male Gerudo. Male Gerudos only come around once a century, dating back to ancient times. Not many people know this, but Ganondorf was raised by “Twinrova,” Koume & Kotake. Therefore, he grew up in the business, groomed to be a champion and nothing less. And though it wasn’t for very long, he did live up to that upbringing by winning the HPW Triforce Championship back at Treasure Island in 2020. But growing up around pro-wrestling as the one and only male Gerudo was an almost paradoxical juxtaposition of the inflated ego we see, and a feeling of isolation we never saw.

Ganondorf stands alone, overlooking everything from the Great Cliffs. The wind from the dunes hits the side of the cliffs and goes up a bit to blow through his hair and cape. But Ganondorf isn’t bothered by the stinging gust or the heat it brings. Growing up with GWF as the main promotion for pro-wrestling in the Gerudo region also had a mixed effect. It showed Ganondorf that strength can come in any form. But it didn’t quite have the role models Ganondorf was looking for. The previous male Gerudo was Ganon Hackenslash, who Ganondorf is named for. But Hackenslash’s time was so long ago, pro-wrestling had evolved considerably.

So where was a young Gerudo boy to turn? Bootleg copies of TCW. “Oh, what?” Ganondorf chuckles. “Like anyone can do anything about it now.” Ganondorf grew up with the history of TCW, seeing those great champions and innovators fight their hearts out. Ganondorf admits, facing Igos du Ikana back on June 6th, 2020 was a dream match come true for him. And a part of him wishes Igos still had the HPW Termina Championship so they could take that match to HyruleMania. But Osphala beat Igos, then Fin beat Osphala, and Fin kept the title away from Igos after that. “Call it fate, destiny, luck, whatever you want, but that’s just how it turned out.”

“Fin,” Ganondorf says, looking right into the camera. “I remember you talking around this time last year about being toughened up by the sea. You talked about dragging Osphala into the deep waters. Something about the pressure suffocating him. I’ve felt pressure my whole damn life being THE Gerudo Ace. Hell, why sugarcoat it any longer? I’m the Gerudo KING, and I will have my throne as the first-ever HPW Triple Crown Champion!”

Now to Aris Beach…

Fin swims in Faron Sea, down to the reef and back up again. He gets such speed, he manages to launch out of the water! He sails through the air, then dives back down. Fin returns to shore, dragging a large tuna out by its tail. He tosses it to Scaly, who skewers it and puts it over a roaring bonfire to roast. HPW media spots some fangirls peeking over a wall and shoos them off, but one of the fangirls manages to snap a picture of “Prince Fin.” Fin and Scaly enjoy some beer with the roasted tuna as they think back to their own pro-wrestling origins. For Fin, it was ZLW, Zora League Wrestling.

Fin grew up watching Zora legends like Blobby Brookslime, Lord Squilliam ReGill, “The Lanayru Bull Shark,” Davey Koi Fish, and even Torbevito’s dad, THE Torbellino. Scaly says, “No flippin’ way.” Fin says yeah. That was a great reason why Fin signed Torbevito to NWS in the first place. Scaly says that’s pretty cool. Scaly didn’t so much “grow up” with ZLW or pro-wrestling in general, he was kind of a military brat. But when Scaly’s family finally settled in Necluda during Scaly’s high school years, he finally caught a glimpse of it. The Bull Shark VS Bret Hawk for the ZLW All-Coastal Championship. Fin laughs. “What a hell of a match to catch!”

As Fin got going in his pro-wrestling career, he helped build up the Necluda Wrestling Swamp. First it was just a training school but then it turned into its own promotion and grew strong. Scaly came through there as a student, became an enforcer for Blind the Thief for a time until he split off to be his own man. Then the day came that HPW called and Fin left NWS in the capable hands of those he’d helped. Fin met the Ducks, brought in Scaly and Torbevito, and The Arrow Club was born. HPW media asks, “And you don’t feel any pressure preparing for Ganondorf?”

Fin stares at the cameraman intensely, but then chuckles. “I told you a year ago, but I’ll tell you all again. Pressure doesn’t get to me after the waters I’ve swam in. I came up in shark-infested waters, and I’m not just talking about out there. Being the new kid in a Zora promotion isn’t easy with all the sharks in the locker room. But I overcame them to become the big fish in the little pond. Now I’m an even bigger fish swimming in the damn ocean. I feel the pressure all the time. I’d be an idiot if I didn’t. But the secret is to not let it get to you. Does it get to you, Undertow?” Scaly says, “Hell no,” then he takes a big chomp of tuna.

These elements are all converging on the Great Forest.

The cold North winds carry Mack & Rick. The burning South winds lift Ganondorf and the Dames. And the rolling waves carry Fin and Scaly. The Ducks shout, “You don’t know what cold is!” The Gerudo Sisterhood and Ganondorf shout, “You don’t know what heat is!” Fin and Scaly shout, “You don’t know what pressure is!” But then they all say in turn, “But you will.” Who will survive the harsh environment that is the Celebration of Greatness?


My Thoughts:

I really like how this one turned out. This feels like NXT Prime Target. I didn’t even think I was gonna go this big but grabbing up all these names felt right, they’re all linked. And in the end, I really liked the names of past legends I came up with. I hope everyone gets a chuckle out of them, too.

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Bandwagon Nerds #288: Disney In The Desert

Disney makes a controversial decision about where it is building its 7th theme park. Plus, loads of trailers, Thunderbolts* news, DCU updates, and more!

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Bandwagon Nerds Mario

Patrick returns to the show this week and leads the guys through a stacked Trailer Park, including the most recent previews of Old Guard 2, The Long Walk, Peacemaker Season 2, and Stick. Patrick also shares his thoughts with Dave and Tunney about Thunderbolts* and addresses some interesting rumors about what didn’t make it into the film. Meanwhile, Disney makes a very divisive decision about a 7th theme park, and President Trump’s trade war targets the film industry. It sounds crazy, but it’s true. If you are curious, we have answers, so make sure you tune in!

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Join Patrick O’Dowd, David Ungar, PC Tunney, Rey Cash, and DPP as they keep everyone up on all things nerd and maybe add some new nerds along the way. It’s the Bandwagon Nerds Podcast!

About Chairshot Radio Network

Chairshot Radio Network

Launched in 2017, the Chairshot Radio Network presents you with the best in sports, entertainment, and sports entertainment. Wrestling and wrestling crossover podcasts + the most interesting content + the most engaging hosts = the most entertaining podcasts you’ll find!

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Attitude Of Aggression Podcast & The Big Five Project (chronologically exploring WWE's PPV/PLE history)

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Mitchell’s Hyrule Puro-Resu News Report! (5/9/25)

June will be electric!

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Prepare for the most electrifying even of the HPW calendar!

While the stage is set for Blood & Thunder 4 and the HPW World Trios Championships, HPW must also address the return of KAGE!

 

Thundra Plateau is ready.

Wrestling is Life, but life has its stormy weather. The rain is going to be hot in June, but will the reign continue through the Summer? The Dark Forces may have failed to take the Undisputed Triforce World Championship from Zelda, but they still have the World Trios Championships. Harlequin, Lupay & Glutko will step inside the double ring, double cage to defend their gold. On one side, Arrow Club’s special combination of Fin Balure, Torbevito & Bad Croc Scaly. On the other, a new combination of its own in Cia, Lana & Midna.

 

Speaking of Cia, Lana & Midna…

The three of them are together, dressed in workout attire, in what appears to be a dance studio. This is a collaboration stream for Midna and Lana as they’re both big presences on the internet, aka “influencers.” Lana and Midna wave and say hi, and they give introductions, including Cia, who is reluctant to be standing there. Cia doesn’t know why they need to do this. Lana says they have to improve their teamwork. They may have won against Los Taros Locos, but it was really sketchy there for a second. Midna adds that doing a dance routine together is great for their timing and coordination.

Cia says she didn’t mean that, she meant having to stream it! Oh, well obviously, combining Midna’s viewing audience with Lana’s, and HPW’s overall, this makes huge numbers! So? And huge money…! Cia raises her eyebrow and says, “Oh really?” The trio sets up, and Lana says obviously they first have to learn the steps. Midna brings up, “Wait, what song are we dancing to?” Oh, good point. Lana was thinking something from Lulu. Cia asks, “Lulu? From the Indigo-Go’s?” Midna says Lulu’s got a great solo album. Lana agrees! That’s so great that they like the same music. Cia isn’t as familiar with her solo stuff, so she’ll rely on them for this.

Lana suggests they go with Energetic Me. For one, it has the most energy, duh. And it still has a dance vibe, which is the whole point. Midna says she might’ve gone with Royal Discotheque or Ten Outta Ten, but she sees Lana’s point. Lana shows them the dance moves she has in mind. Left arm up, bent at the elbow, and the hand up against the side of the chest. Then they switch so the right arm goes up to mirror that position while the left hand goes back to the hip. Maybe add a little hip pop as that happens. Do that a couple times, and then turn to the right. This puts the left hand on the back of the hip, right hand on the back of the neck for a sexy pose.

Then you turn to flip it the other way, then do a 360 with a big neck whipping, hair flipping move. Then finish with feet apart and double V’s up by the eyes, maybe with a wink. Cia says, “Yeah, okay…” while Midna says, “I like it!” Midna says she’ll set up in the middle. Cia asks why Midna is in the middle, and Midna says it’s symmetry. She’s the tallest, Cia and Lana are about the same, it makes sense. Yeah, but it also means Midna is the center of attention. Well, that’s just coincidental. Lana says it doesn’t matter, the point is them doing it all in synch. Cia sighs and says, “Fine.” Midna is in the middle, Cia is on her right, and the music plays.

Left arm, right arm, left arm, right arm, pose to the right, pose to the left, 360 spin and neck whip, then double V. Midna nailed it, but Cia was lagging. Cia defends she was not, but Lana says it’s alright, they’ll just keep trying. They run through it a couple more times, they do tighten it up, and all three feel really good about how that went.

The Dark Forces are watching.

They aren’t impressed by the “little dance party.” Harlequin says the Faces of Evil are way better anyway. Especially with the classics like the Thriller dance and Macarena. Zant says, “The Macarena? Pfft, and people think I’m a dork…” Harlequin says, “Don’t you dare mock the Macarena!” Harlequin changes tabs on the computer and starts playing the song! After the introduction, he lifts his right arm up flat, then his left. Then he turns the right hand up, the left hand up, puts his right hand on his left shoulder, left hand on right shoulder, then moves right hand up behind his head, and then his left.

Now his arms crisscross, right hand on left hip and left hand on right hip, to then switch so right hand on right hip and left hand on left hip. And of course, he swivels his hips in one big circle to go with “HEY~ Macarena! AIGHT!” Zant rolls his eyes while Harlequin keeps going, jumping 90 degrees to his left. Ganon walks in, Ghirahim following behind, and he tells Harlequin to “turn that crap off.” Harlequin pouts but he does as told. Ganon seethes as he takes a seat in his big arm chair. “Needless to say… Wrestling is Life didn’t go how I’d hoped. What was Kage even doing there?! Did either of you have any idea he was going to betray us?!”

Zant and Ghirahim are a bit flustered. Zant isn’t even sure Kage was part of The Dark Forces at the time Ganon took ownership. He’d kinda gone rogue at some point, didn’t he? Ghirahim agrees, it didn’t seem like he was even aligned with Cia and the others. All the more reason for Kage to keep his nose out of Ganon’s business! If Kage cared about the Dark Forces, then he would’ve helped them fight back at HyruleMania, or any time since. Kage clearly just wants the title, same as Ganon, so he’s a dead man walking. Speaking of that… Where’s Kevin? He came back in April, why isn’t he here?

 

Somewhere dark and spooky…

Heavy footsteps can be heard echoing as Kevin Gibdo moves down the hallway. He speaks with a low, airy voice, “Majora… Your madness… spread like wildfire… You thought by setting me ablaze… I would crumble into ash… You were wrong! Instead, I have been purified…! Purged of flaws and weaknesses… I now come forth… as gold!” There’s a light at the end of the hall, and Kevin enters a grand hall, with treasure gleaming in the light. At the center is the sarcophagus. Kevin walks up to it, opens it, and then his burnt and tattered bandages fall away before he steps inside. The sarcophagus closes, then the eyes on it begin to glow… Then the entire thing glows!

The glowing becomes a shining light, and that shining becomes so bright that nothing can be seen. It is clear things between Kevin and Majora are not over. Will the Masked Monster even stand a chance once the Gibdo of All Gibdos is restored to full strength?

 

Back to the Dark Forces…

Shabonne says, “I’m sure Kevin is just fine doing whatever Gibdos do on their time off.” Tali says, “What matters is what I’m about to do to that tiny little weasel with the Goddess Championship. If The Dark Forces is gonna have all the gold, then I need to squash her like a bug and take that title off of whatever’s left!” Ganon nods and says he likes the initiative. Tali will start on her own Triple Crown as the Dark Forces will make Hyrule Pro-Wrestling their kingdom! The group cheers while raising a toast! And then Harlequin gets Glutko and Lupay to join in on the Macarena, to which Ganon groans and facepalms.

 

And so, the ThunderStruck card is set!

The double ring, double cage will rattle with Blood & Thunder as the HPW World Trios Championships are on the line! The Gerudo Ace looks to settle a grudge with the Hero’s Shadow! And now, the Million Rupee Championship and HPW Goddess Championships will also be on the line! Will the Dark Forces absolutely dominate the Summer? Be ready to endure the heat on Friday, June 20th!

About Chairshot Radio Network

Launched in 2017, the Chairshot Radio Network presents you with the best in sports, entertainment, and sports entertainment. Wrestling and wrestling crossover podcasts + the most interesting content + the most engaging hosts = the most entertaining podcasts you’ll find!

 MONDAY - Bandwagon Nerds (entertainment & popular culture)

TUESDAY - Musical Chairs (music) / Hockey Talk (NHL)

WEDNESDAY - The Greg DeMarco Show (wrestling) 

THURSDAY - Keeping the news ridiculous... The Oddity / Chairshot NFL (NFL)

FRIDAY - DWI Podcast (Drunk Wrestling Intellect)

SATURDAY - The Mindless Wrestling Podcast

SUNDAY - The Front and Center Sports Podcast 

CHAIRSHOT RADIO NETWORK PODCAST SPECIALS

Attitude Of Aggression Podcast & The Big Five Project (chronologically exploring WWE's PPV/PLE history)

TheChairshot.com PRESENTS...IMMEDIATE POST WWE PLE REACTIONS w/ DJ(Mindless), Tunney(DWI) & Friends

Patrick O'Dowd's 5X5

Classic POD is WAR


Chairshot Radio Network Your home for the hardest hitting podcasts... Sports, Entertainment and Sports Entertainment!

All Shows On Demand


Powered by RedCircle


Let us know what you think on social media @ChairshotMedia and always remember to use the hashtag #UseYourHead!
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