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Mitchell’s Hyrule Puro-Resu News Report! (6/17/23)

Spectacular Spectacle Fallout!

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HPW News 2023

What a sight to behold!

HPW has made it through a Second Spectacular Spectacle, and we’re on the road to Termina Velocity! What will everyone have to say about the night?

 

After the Wait & See Battle Royal.

The Good, The Bad & The Studly walk in.

Ladrona and Tingle are chanting “GROOSE! GROOSE!” for the Skyfall Stud as he secured the win for them. But then some others are applauding more sarcastically. It’s the UnderWorld Order! Death Sword says, “Congrats on the win. Now you get to travel to Termina, just so you can lose to us.” The UWO chuckles, and Gomess adds, “We won inside Blood & Thunder. There’s no way we lose to a baldie, a thief, and man-child in pajamas.” Groose says, “Oh, is that so?” He steps up but so does Scaldera. Hollywood ReDead has Scaldera back down and stares Groose down. “You already lost your hair, big man. Don’t go losing your head now.”

“In fact,” Ted Beedle Ossi says, “why lose any time and money? You three don’t even need to go to Termina.” Beedle brings out a checkbook. He offers to pay them what they’d get with the “loser’s purse,” so that they can just stay home and not have to pay for travel. Beedle starts writing but Ladrona stops him. Beedle is the Million Rupee Man, right? So there’s no way she’ll accept a paycheck for just a thousand. Alright, fine, Beedle will pay them double the loser’s purse. Really? Ladrona is still not satisfied. What, she wants triple? She does realize that Beedle would then be paying out over nine thousand Rupees, right?

Ladrona again says he’s the Million Rupee Man. What’s nine thousand to someone who easily makes nine hundred thousand? Beedle gets upset and says fine, here! He writes a check for 10 THOUSAND Rupees and shoves it into Ladrona’s hand. “Pleasure doing business with you,” she says with a smirk. The UWO storms off, and Tingle asks Ladrona why she just sold out like that. Ladrona laughs. “Oh my sweet, innocent Tingle. I just scammed them! Now we have the title match and the money! Let’s get going before Beedle changes his mind.” The UWO looked down on the Thief Girl, and now they’re literally paying for it. Will The Good, The Bad & The Studly soon have everything they ever wanted?

 

After the HPW Goddess Championship match.

Aveil walks in.

The Gerudo Sisterhood is there waiting for her, and they all give her a hug in turn. Aveil says it’s alright, because now she is passing the baton on. One of the other three can go for the Goddess title now, they just have to decide who. Shabonne of course says Tali, but Buliara of course says Riju. There’s an awkward moment, but the group brushes it off. They’ve got time to figure it out, right? Well, Termina Velocity is July 4th, so that’s not really that much time. Will the Dames of the Dunes peacefully decide who is challenging Midna?

 

After the HPW Death Mountain Championship match.

The Faces of Evil walk in.

Lupay is quite literally howling mad. He asks, “HAWOOOO~ did that happen!? How did she get past all of us?” Harlequin says it is alright, because now any one of them, as he points to himself, Militron and Glutko, can go after her next. Is he parodying Aveil’s line from earlier? But Militron says Harlequin is right. “The Twilight Princess survived the double header once, but she can’t survive forever. She’ll face FOE after FOE, and she will fall!” Glutko adds, “And it will be delicious~!” Then who will be the next Face of Evil to face Midna?

Midna walks in.

The Twilight Princess holds up both belts triumphantly with a big smile on her face. “The first ever Twilight Princess Double Header is a success, because I successfully defended both titles! And I’ll gladly do it again, and again, and again, if HPW wants me to. I’m more than happy to prove that Midna is anything but mid!” The #TwoBeltPrincess is ready for more, will she make it through the Summer with both titles?

 

After the HPW Triforce Championship #1 Contender’s Fatal 4 Way.

Zelda and Link walk in together.

The two of them are quiet because they aren’t sure what to say to each other. “Look,” Zelda says, “don’t worry about it. You have nothing to apologize for. Though, neither do I. We both fought hard out there. We fought as hard as we could out there. But it was a Fatal 4 Way, winning those are incredibly hard. And we’re not out of the running. We just have to wait and see if Majora beats your bro- er, Kage… Or if Kage retains the title. Until then, no hard feelings.” Link finishes sipping water from a bottle, and he shakes hands with Zelda. Will the Princess and Hero of Hyrule be just fine? Or will ambition tear them apart?

Fin staggers in.

The Zora Rock ‘n’ Rolla is furious, and also clutching an icepack to his head from taking the Torpedo Majora. “What in the blue hell!? What are we supposed to do against a monster like that? A literal monster! But y’know what? Fine! Face Kage in Termina. Either you get yer arse kicked, or you’re the new champ and I get to kick yer arse myself! You are not going to deny me my prize! Arrow Club is aiming for the top, and we will hit the mark!” Fin storms off, but who will he be aiming for after Termina Velocity?

Majora… doesn’t walk in?

No one is sure what’s going on, but HPW Media cuts to another camera and sees him ranting and raving at the fans while he goes around the ramp and stage, and therefore going around gorilla position. He finds his way to the parking lot, where the UWO is going to their limousine. They see him walk up, and ReDead stares down with Majora. They shake hands, and they all get into the limo together. It seems Majora is still UWO, so will he be bringing even more gold to the group in the near future?


My Thoughts:

Another fun promo article here, though I think the most compelling was UWO bribing Groose, Ladrona & Tingle out of being their challengers. I was conflicted on whether to go with that, and I had a pretty good alternate promo written for that here, but I feel like the swerve is better story. As for Midna and her two midcard titles, the only part that’s tricky is scheduling things. Should Termina Velocity have contenders matches or go right to title matches? I’m leaning towards the former, but even then, I have to figure out who is going to be in those matches.

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Bandwagon Nerds #284: Mission Unlikely

The Nerds break down a tremendous Episode 8 of Daredevil: Born Again. Plus, the Sweet 16 of Villain Madness and the return of the Trailer Park!

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Bandwagon Nerds Mario

This week, the NERDS are back in full force, and there is no shortage of topics to discuss. Episode 8 of Daredevil: Born Again was filled with drama, surprises, and a stunning ending that left all the Nerds wondering what will happen next. After a few weeks’ absence, the Trailer Park returns to look at upcoming releases such as F1, a wild-looking sequel for M.E.G.A.N., another great-looking series on Apple TV (Murderbot), and the finale of the Mission Impossible series. Plus, we get to the Sweet 16 of Villain Madness! Which ultimate bad guys/gals punched their tickets to the Elite 8? All that and, of course Whatcha Watchin”?

  • @AttitudeAgg
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  • @ViolentAesop
  • @TheMindlessPod
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  • @ChairshotMedia
  • @BandwagonNerds

PROWRESTLINGTEES.COM/TheChairshot – Makes a GREAT GIFT!!!

About Bandwagon Nerds

Join Patrick O’Dowd, David Ungar, PC Tunney, Rey Cash, and DPP as they keep everyone up on all things nerd, and maybe add some new nerds along the way. It’s the Bandwagon Nerds Podcast!

About Chairshot Radio Network

Chairshot Radio Network

Launched in 2017, the Chairshot Radio Network presents you with the best in sports, entertainment, and sports entertainment. Wrestling and wrestling crossover podcasts + the most interesting content + the most engaging hosts = the most entertaining podcasts you’ll find!

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Attitude Of Aggression Podcast & The Big Five Project (chronologically exploring WWE’s PPV/PLE history)

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Patrick O’Dowd’s 5X5


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Launched in 2017, the Chairshot Radio Network presents you with the best in sports, entertainment, and sports entertainment. Wrestling and wrestling crossover podcasts + the most interesting content + the most engaging hosts = the most entertaining podcasts you’ll find!

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Attitude Of Aggression Podcast & The Big Five Project (chronologically exploring WWE's PPV/PLE history)

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Mitchell’s Hyrule Puro-Resu News Report! (4/10/25)

It’s gonna be May!

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There’s been a slight change in the forecast…

There may not be a storm on the horizon, but when Wrestling Is Life, every day is unpredictable! What does HPW have planned for May Day?

 

HPW prepares for the storm ahead…

Blood & Thunder still beckons, and the Faces of Evil need to defend their HPW World Trios Championships. Therefore, Wrestling Is Life will see two qualifying trios matches! After the controversial nature of losing the titles at HyruleMania, Arrow Club is given a spot in these qualifiers. And they will be facing familiar foes in TSDQ! The Studly Don’t Quit, but will they make it through to ThunderStruck? As for the second qualifier, Los Taros Locos will return in hopes of stampeding up to the top of HPW, but they’ll be up against quite the mysterious team. Cia represents the OG Dark Forces expelled from the group, and she’ll bring her sister, Lana, with her!

But who is their third partner? They didn’t name them, so who could it be? Volga? Kevin Gibdo? Or even Wizzro? Will keeping it an unknown be the key to winning?

 

Igos du Ikana speaks.

From inside his shadowy throne room, The Ruler of Ruin looks at the HPW Death Mountain Championship on a pedestal. “The HPW Death Mountain Championship. A championship created not just to commemorate one of Hyrule’s greatest landmarks, but also to commemorate one of Hyrule’s greatest wrestling promotions. Death Mountain Wrestling was a vital part of wrestling history, where legends would pave the way for a new generation, and inspire many more. Not unlike Termina Championship Wrestling.”

Igos walks past the pedestal to look to a trophy case. Igos looks to his copy of the classic TCW Championship, and even of the High Noon Championship. There are also poster sized pictures of Igos’ greatest moments, such as the first time he won the TCW title, and the last time he held it while TCW was still active. Igos continues by saying, “I say this not because you don’t know. Of course you know this. I say this so that you might understand. I say this because I need you to understand. You have great aspirations, and strong ambition, but I don’t think you understand what you’re attempting to achieve.

“You stand at the foot of a mountain, it’s shadow upon you. That mountain’s name is legacy. You want to climb the mountain. You want to reach the top and plant your own flag at the summit. You want everyone to see you, to look up to you, to acknowledge you. But this climb is more challenging than you know. This climb is more challenging than you can handle. These belts may only be ten pounds, but they weigh so much more once you put them on. You are not ready for the climb. You are not ready to carry that weight. You are not ready to push yourself, step after step, inch after inch, as the mountain only grows steeper and steeper. And you never will be.

“So I tell you this not because you do not know. I tell you this so that you may understand. You must turn back now, find another path forward, before it is too late. Before you fall… to ruin.” It is clear who this message is for, but will young Yunobo heed this grizzled warrior’s warning?

 

HPW Deep Dive: Wisdom VS Power.

The Princess of Hyrule visits Hero of Hyrule, Link, now that he’s home from the hospital. He still needs bed rest, given everything Ganon did to him. He has bandages around his head, and his sister, Aryll, checks his stitches. 13 stitches all along the hairline. They’re holding well, no bleeding. Zelda sits with Link and holds his hand. She apologizes for what happened, but Link shakes his head. Aryll agrees, Zelda’s not to blame, Ganon and his Dark Forces are. They ruined her moment, they beat Link down, so they they have to be stopped. Ganon’s coming after the title anyway, so Zelda can get payback at the same time.

Ganon says, “Like I give a damn.” The Gerudo Ace lounges in his manor, The Dark Forces all around him. That now includes Shabonne & Tali, sporting new ensembles to reflect joining up. The Faces of Evil have their HPW World Trios Championships while Ganon has the Triforce Tournament trophy in hand. Ganon then mockingly says, “YoU dEsErVe It~! YoU dEsErVe It~!” Audio from the Triforce Anniversary event is interspliced here, as well as flashes of Zelda being emotional as she has the title belt put on.

“Isn’t it strange that Zelda takes the fall at HyruleMania, but I’m the one relegated to the tournament? And she clearly has that pointy eared little simp wrapped around her finger, or else he wouldn’t have even agreed to the match. But hey, what do I know? I only beat Link one-on-one in his first defense, then beat Zelda one-on-one in my first defense. I’m the Triple Crown Champion, I beat legends of TCW, and I’m this year’s Triforce Tournament winner. No one is more deserving of that title, of whatever title there is, than me! Isn’t that right?” The group all say, “Yeah!”

Ganon says, “The Dark Forces will be golden!” The group again shouts, “Yeah!” Ganon says, “The Dark Forces RUNS HPW!” The group again shouts, “YEAH!!” The Dark Forces all raise a glass to drink it up, while Link rests his head on Zelda’s shoulder and she rests her head on his. The Princess of Hyrule may reign, but will she fail to trump the Gerudo Ace? The countdown is on until May 1st, when Wrestling is Life!


 

About Chairshot Radio Network

Launched in 2017, the Chairshot Radio Network presents you with the best in sports, entertainment, and sports entertainment. Wrestling and wrestling crossover podcasts + the most interesting content + the most engaging hosts = the most entertaining podcasts you’ll find!

 MONDAY - Bandwagon Nerds (entertainment & popular culture)

TUESDAY - Musical Chairs (music) / Hockey Talk (NHL)

WEDNESDAY - The Greg DeMarco Show (wrestling) 

THURSDAY - Keeping the news ridiculous... The Oddity / Chairshot NFL (NFL)

FRIDAY - DWI Podcast (Drunk Wrestling Intellect)

SATURDAY - The Mindless Wrestling Podcast

SUNDAY - The Front and Center Sports Podcast 

CHAIRSHOT RADIO NETWORK PODCAST SPECIALS

Attitude Of Aggression Podcast & The Big Five Project (chronologically exploring WWE's PPV/PLE history)

TheChairshot.com PRESENTS...IMMEDIATE POST WWE PLE REACTIONS w/ DJ(Mindless), Tunney(DWI) & Friends

Patrick O'Dowd's 5X5

Classic POD is WAR


Chairshot Radio Network Your home for the hardest hitting podcasts... Sports, Entertainment and Sports Entertainment!

All Shows On Demand


Powered by RedCircle


Let us know what you think on social media @ChairshotMedia and always remember to use the hashtag #UseYourHead!
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