Entertainment

Mitchell’s Hyrule Puro-Resu News Report! (7/7/23)

Yo ho ho and a bottle of milk!

Published

2 years ago

July 7, 2023

Steven Mitchell

Chart a course and set sail!

HPW hit Termina Velocity and is now picking up speed towards Treasure Island! We hear from this year’s Eventide Six!

After the Eventide Challenge Qualifier Battle Royal.

Backstage interview with Rod Wyler.

Irene is with “The Greatest Wosu-ler Alive” and congratulates him on being one of the Eventide Six. He says it was only natural, as someone of his “acumen” was not going to be thrown around like he’s nothing. He can and will use his arsenal of armlocks, leglocks, wristlocks, toeholds and suplexes to become the 2023 Mr. Eventide. But Irene points out that the Eventide Challenge isn’t a match contained in the ring, it’s part race to the golden ball and back. What? Really? Yes. Has he not been watching the last four years?

Rod is a bit flustered but he says it won’t matter. He’ll still use all of his grappling knowledge to win. Irene looks to side and says “Sure…” Will Rod’s confidence be truly tested this Summer?

Backstage interview with Darbus.

Seres is with the hulking Goron icon, and congratulates him on being part of the Eventide Challenge. She asks him how he feels about his chances at Treasure Island? “Oh, I’m feeling good, Seres. I’m feeling real good! Five other people in the match won’t mean anything after making it through a match with 21! I’m going to be the first Goron Mr. Eventide, I’m going to take on whoever is champion in October, and I’m going to stand atop the mountain! HA HA!” Darbus flexes, but will his muscles carry him through?

Backstage interview with Odolwa.

Paya is with the God of Woodfall and is fittingly nervous. She congratulates Odolwa, and asks how he’s feeling. Odolwa breathes heavy and deep, and looks right into the camera. “The island may be far removed from my realm, but I will still conquer you all. So says the God of Woodfall.” Odolwa leaves and Paya sheepishly thanks him for his time. Will it be Odolwa’s time after the Eventide Challenge?

Backstage interview with Sharky Shipwreck.

Irene is with the TCW legend and congratulates him on being part of the Eventide Six in his big return to wrestling, how is he feeling? “Lemme tell ya somethin’, Mean Irene! It feels so great to be back in the big leagues, and it felt so great to be mixing it up with stars new and old. But don’t get it twisted. I’m not here to have fun and ride a nostalgia train. I am going to sink my teeth into that prize and be a champion again. So get ready, HPW, because there’s a shark in these waters, and sharks don’t stop moving.” Will Sharky Shipwreck have a return to wrestling worthy of the history books?

Backstage interview with Aveil.

Seres is with the Desert Flower and congratulates her on being the one lady in the Eventide Six this year. Aveil thanks Seres for that, and says that being the only woman doesn’t really matter. The inaugural Eventide Challenge winner was Zelda, and she was in a pretty strong field, just like Aveil is this year. Aveil vows to be the second woman and the first Gerudo to lead the way for the Sisterhood! Will this Desert Flower bloom with gold once again?

Backstage interview with Militron.

The Armored Annihilator is joined by the other Faces of Evil as Paya hesitantly scoots into frame. She congratulates Militron for being in the Eventide Challenge, but also gives her condolences to Harlequin and Glutko for falling short. Harlequin says Igos’ kick was a lucky shot. But he’s also confident “Militron will maul them all and stand tall as Mr. Eventide.” Glutko says only the Faces of Evil will taste sweet victory! Militron says, “To all five of my opponents, know this. I shall light a fire that melts down your hopes and aspirations, and from them I shall forge my own future. It shall be a blade I use to cut down the Triforce Champion and take the title for my own. Then you will know what it is to face. Your. Foe.”

Paya timidly thanks them for their time and hurries away. Will HPW soon belong to FOE?

After the HPW Trios Championship match.

The UnderWorld Order walks in.

They’re celebrating the win that Hollywood ReDead and Ted Beedle Ossi helped Scaldera, Gomess & Death Sword get with distractions and interference. Beedle says that’s what Ladrona gets for scamming him. ReDead says it won’t matter who is put against their guys, they’ll still be golden through the Summer. Gomess says, “Speaking of, what was in that treasure chest?” Beedle starts but someone interrupts with an, “Oye, perros!” In walk Los Taros Locos! Death Sword says, “Oh look, it’s Tres Losers.” The UWO laughs, and Taros Blanco keeps Taros Rojo back.

Blanco tells the UWO that that was a rather clever trick they played on everyone. Beedle says gracias, but then Blanco says it also just shows how weak the champions truly are. Now ReDead has to hold Scaldera back. ReDead steps to Blanco and says, “At least they are champions. You lost your debut in the Wait & See Battle Royal, and now you’ve lost in the Eventide Qualifier. Winners like us are still stronger than losers like you.” Blanco says, “Then put your money where your mouth is. Oh wait, it’s all Beedle’s money, isn’t it?” ReDead gets heated but Nicolas Foolyere walks over and asks what’s going on.

Beedle says nothing, just a friendly chat. Foolyere says, “Is that so?” ReDead and Blanco glare at each other, but then ReDead backs off and says, “Yeah. Just a chat.” ReDead leads the UWO away, and Foolyere talks to Los Taros Locos. Foolyere commends them on their showings both tonight and back at the Spectacular Spectacle. Blanco says gracias, that means a lot coming from a legend like Foolyere. Foolyere shakes their hands, then leaves. Azul says ReDead did have a point about their losses here. Blanco says tranquilo, they’ve only just begun. Will Los Taros Locos bull rush their way through HPW?

HPW Management meets.

Nicholas Foolyere sits with Humpback Hook Halibut and Starfish McMaguro at HPW Headquarters. They’re all liking how the HPW poster looks. Not too much clutter, and just a great picture of the waves crashing on the shore. But Starfish points out that they also couldn’t advertise all the matches because they haven’t figured out all the matches yet. Hook says that on top of Kage VS Zelda, Ganon VS Shale and the traditional Eventide Challenge, they know Midna is facing Riju for the Goddess Championship. That leaves the Death Mountain Championship and the Trios Championships.

On one hand, the Death Mountain Championship is an Open Division, anyone can challenge for it, so it truly allows for track records to speak for the wrestlers. The same goes for the Trios Championships, but we already saw a lot of teams battle for a shot in the Wait & See Battle Royal. They can’t just default back to Arrow Club or the Gerudo Sisterhood, they’ve had plenty of shots already. But at the same time, it’s hard to say who had a standout showing when going against those teams.

Foolyere says he has some suggestions for those. “Iron Knuckle made it… apparent to me that he wants a match for the Death Mountain title. And as he was the runner-up in the Beat the Clock Challenge, he does deserve something for his efforts, doesn’t he?” Starfish sees what Foolyere means. Plus, it’ll be a first-time-ever match, that’s a selling point in and of itself. Hook says that will be the match, then. Midna’s second Twilight Princess Double Header will be Midna VS Riju for the Goddess Championship, and then Midna VS Iron Knuckle for the Death Mountain Championship.

Now, to Foolyere’s idea for the HPW Trios Championships. “I came across a rather tense encounter between the UWO and that new team, Los Taros Locos. They said it was friendly, but I’ve been around long enough to know what that really meant.” Hook does like Los Taros Locos. They may have joined HPW’s Training Center only back in March, but they aren’t greenhorns. They come from a long line of wrestlers, it’s why Hook put them in the battle royals at all. So if Foolyere is thinking what Hook thinks he’s thinking, he’s all for it. He supports Los Taros Locos getting their first shot at the Trios Championships at Treasure Island.

Starfish says this meeting went better than she thought. They’re all in agreement, and now they can draft up the contracts and the advertising material. Foolyere claps his hands together and says, “Alright! See everyone on Eventide then!” The card is now finalized, but will these new challengers make the most of these opportunities?

My Thoughts:

Part of this was fairly superfluous, just character stuff from our Eventide Six. But it did need to be established that Iron Knuckle’s “influence” on Foolyere is already working, and that we’re freshening up the Trios Division just a touch. This is gonna be the most packed Treasure Island yet because there is still the thing with the treasure chest to address, and trust me, that’s gonna be some fun, too.

About Chairshot Radio Network

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Entertainment

Mitchell’s Hyrule Puro-Resu News Report! (5/9/25)

June will be electric!

Published

2 days ago

May 9, 2025

Steven Mitchell

Prepare for the most electrifying even of the HPW calendar!

While the stage is set for Blood & Thunder 4 and the HPW World Trios Championships, HPW must also address the return of KAGE!

Thundra Plateau is ready.

Wrestling is Life, but life has its stormy weather. The rain is going to be hot in June, but will the reign continue through the Summer? The Dark Forces may have failed to take the Undisputed Triforce World Championship from Zelda, but they still have the World Trios Championships. Harlequin, Lupay & Glutko will step inside the double ring, double cage to defend their gold. On one side, Arrow Club’s special combination of Fin Balure, Torbevito & Bad Croc Scaly. On the other, a new combination of its own in Cia, Lana & Midna.

Speaking of Cia, Lana & Midna…

The three of them are together, dressed in workout attire, in what appears to be a dance studio. This is a collaboration stream for Midna and Lana as they’re both big presences on the internet, aka “influencers.” Lana and Midna wave and say hi, and they give introductions, including Cia, who is reluctant to be standing there. Cia doesn’t know why they need to do this. Lana says they have to improve their teamwork. They may have won against Los Taros Locos, but it was really sketchy there for a second. Midna adds that doing a dance routine together is great for their timing and coordination.

Cia says she didn’t mean that, she meant having to stream it! Oh, well obviously, combining Midna’s viewing audience with Lana’s, and HPW’s overall, this makes huge numbers! So? And huge money…! Cia raises her eyebrow and says, “Oh really?” The trio sets up, and Lana says obviously they first have to learn the steps. Midna brings up, “Wait, what song are we dancing to?” Oh, good point. Lana was thinking something from Lulu. Cia asks, “Lulu? From the Indigo-Go’s?” Midna says Lulu’s got a great solo album. Lana agrees! That’s so great that they like the same music. Cia isn’t as familiar with her solo stuff, so she’ll rely on them for this.

Lana suggests they go with Energetic Me. For one, it has the most energy, duh. And it still has a dance vibe, which is the whole point. Midna says she might’ve gone with Royal Discotheque or Ten Outta Ten, but she sees Lana’s point. Lana shows them the dance moves she has in mind. Left arm up, bent at the elbow, and the hand up against the side of the chest. Then they switch so the right arm goes up to mirror that position while the left hand goes back to the hip. Maybe add a little hip pop as that happens. Do that a couple times, and then turn to the right. This puts the left hand on the back of the hip, right hand on the back of the neck for a sexy pose.

Then you turn to flip it the other way, then do a 360 with a big neck whipping, hair flipping move. Then finish with feet apart and double V’s up by the eyes, maybe with a wink. Cia says, “Yeah, okay…” while Midna says, “I like it!” Midna says she’ll set up in the middle. Cia asks why Midna is in the middle, and Midna says it’s symmetry. She’s the tallest, Cia and Lana are about the same, it makes sense. Yeah, but it also means Midna is the center of attention. Well, that’s just coincidental. Lana says it doesn’t matter, the point is them doing it all in synch. Cia sighs and says, “Fine.” Midna is in the middle, Cia is on her right, and the music plays.

Left arm, right arm, left arm, right arm, pose to the right, pose to the left, 360 spin and neck whip, then double V. Midna nailed it, but Cia was lagging. Cia defends she was not, but Lana says it’s alright, they’ll just keep trying. They run through it a couple more times, they do tighten it up, and all three feel really good about how that went.

The Dark Forces are watching.

They aren’t impressed by the “little dance party.” Harlequin says the Faces of Evil are way better anyway. Especially with the classics like the Thriller dance and Macarena. Zant says, “The Macarena? Pfft, and people think I’m a dork…” Harlequin says, “Don’t you dare mock the Macarena!” Harlequin changes tabs on the computer and starts playing the song! After the introduction, he lifts his right arm up flat, then his left. Then he turns the right hand up, the left hand up, puts his right hand on his left shoulder, left hand on right shoulder, then moves right hand up behind his head, and then his left.

Now his arms crisscross, right hand on left hip and left hand on right hip, to then switch so right hand on right hip and left hand on left hip. And of course, he swivels his hips in one big circle to go with “HEY~ Macarena! AIGHT!” Zant rolls his eyes while Harlequin keeps going, jumping 90 degrees to his left. Ganon walks in, Ghirahim following behind, and he tells Harlequin to “turn that crap off.” Harlequin pouts but he does as told. Ganon seethes as he takes a seat in his big arm chair. “Needless to say… Wrestling is Life didn’t go how I’d hoped. What was Kage even doing there?! Did either of you have any idea he was going to betray us?!”

Zant and Ghirahim are a bit flustered. Zant isn’t even sure Kage was part of The Dark Forces at the time Ganon took ownership. He’d kinda gone rogue at some point, didn’t he? Ghirahim agrees, it didn’t seem like he was even aligned with Cia and the others. All the more reason for Kage to keep his nose out of Ganon’s business! If Kage cared about the Dark Forces, then he would’ve helped them fight back at HyruleMania, or any time since. Kage clearly just wants the title, same as Ganon, so he’s a dead man walking. Speaking of that… Where’s Kevin? He came back in April, why isn’t he here?

Somewhere dark and spooky…

Heavy footsteps can be heard echoing as Kevin Gibdo moves down the hallway. He speaks with a low, airy voice, “Majora… Your madness… spread like wildfire… You thought by setting me ablaze… I would crumble into ash… You were wrong! Instead, I have been purified…! Purged of flaws and weaknesses… I now come forth… as gold!” There’s a light at the end of the hall, and Kevin enters a grand hall, with treasure gleaming in the light. At the center is the sarcophagus. Kevin walks up to it, opens it, and then his burnt and tattered bandages fall away before he steps inside. The sarcophagus closes, then the eyes on it begin to glow… Then the entire thing glows!

The glowing becomes a shining light, and that shining becomes so bright that nothing can be seen. It is clear things between Kevin and Majora are not over. Will the Masked Monster even stand a chance once the Gibdo of All Gibdos is restored to full strength?

Back to the Dark Forces…

Shabonne says, “I’m sure Kevin is just fine doing whatever Gibdos do on their time off.” Tali says, “What matters is what I’m about to do to that tiny little weasel with the Goddess Championship. If The Dark Forces is gonna have all the gold, then I need to squash her like a bug and take that title off of whatever’s left!” Ganon nods and says he likes the initiative. Tali will start on her own Triple Crown as the Dark Forces will make Hyrule Pro-Wrestling their kingdom! The group cheers while raising a toast! And then Harlequin gets Glutko and Lupay to join in on the Macarena, to which Ganon groans and facepalms.

And so, the ThunderStruck card is set!

The double ring, double cage will rattle with Blood & Thunder as the HPW World Trios Championships are on the line! The Gerudo Ace looks to settle a grudge with the Hero’s Shadow! And now, the Million Rupee Championship and HPW Goddess Championships will also be on the line! Will the Dark Forces absolutely dominate the Summer? Be ready to endure the heat on Friday, June 20th!

About Chairshot Radio Network

MONDAY - Bandwagon Nerds (entertainment & popular culture)

TUESDAY - Musical Chairs (music) / Hockey Talk (NHL)

WEDNESDAY - The Greg DeMarco Show (wrestling)

THURSDAY - Keeping the news ridiculous... The Oddity / Chairshot NFL (NFL)

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SUNDAY - The Front and Center Sports Podcast

CHAIRSHOT RADIO NETWORK PODCAST SPECIALS

Attitude Of Aggression Podcast & The Big Five Project (chronologically exploring WWE's PPV/PLE history)

TheChairshot.com PRESENTS...IMMEDIATE POST WWE PLE REACTIONS w/ DJ(Mindless), Tunney(DWI) & Friends

Patrick O'Dowd's 5X5

Classic POD is WAR

Chairshot Radio Network Your home for the hardest hitting podcasts... Sports, Entertainment and Sports Entertainment!

All Shows On Demand

Let us know what you think on social media @ChairshotMedia and always remember to use the hashtag #UseYourHead!

Bandwagon Nerds

Bandwagon Nerds #287: Filling A Void

The Nerds review Thunderbolts*, check out the latest trailers, and celebrate Star Wars Day as only they can!

Published

6 days ago

May 5, 2025

PC Tunney

The Bandwagon is stripped down this week as Dave and PC Tunney helm the ship for a big week in the Nerdosphere. Naturally, we are covering Thunderbolts as Dave, Tunney (and the rest of the Bandwagon, for that matter) all saw the latest entry into the MCU. What was the consensus, and did the longest post-credit scene in MCU history push the Universe in the right direction? In other MCU News, we discovered why Hawkeye had no second season. From there, the guys head into the Trailer Park to look at the latest, including a sizzle reel for Netflix’s TUDUM event, Dwayne “The Rock ” Johnson’s latest movie, The Smashing Machine, and a very creepy look at Weapons. GTA 6 got delayed, again….but could that be a blessing in disguise? But this Episode was recorded on Star Wars Day, and to commemorate the event, Dave tries his best to convince Tunney to watch Andor, while Tunney tells Dave what he likes most about one of the most successful franchises of all time. All that, plus Dave tells you why The Last of Us is the best show anywhere on TV. Dave & Tunney cover a lot of ground in an action-packed episode of BWN, so make sure you tune in!

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PROWRESTLINGTEES.COM/TheChairshot – Makes a GREAT GIFT!!!

About Bandwagon Nerds

Join Patrick O’Dowd, David Ungar, PC Tunney, Rey Cash, and DPP as they keep everyone up on all things nerd and maybe add some new nerds along the way. It’s the Bandwagon Nerds Podcast!