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Mitchell’s Hyrule Puro-Resu News! (8/9/20) | The Chairshot
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Mitchell’s Hyrule Puro-Resu News! (8/9/20)

Fallout from Treasure Island!

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Hyrule Puro-Resu News Generic

The Hyrule Puro-Resu landscape is changing!

Treasure Island brought about NEW Trios Champions, a NEW Goddess Champion, and even a NEW Triforce Champion! HPW shares all the backstage interviews from the event, for both winners and losers.

 

After the HPW Trios Championship match:

Forged By Violence walks in with the titles!

“What did I tell you, gentlemen? What did I tell you?” Iron Knuckle doesn’t wait for Seres to ask a question before explaining that he and the Dark Nuts “forged this alliance of like-minded individuals for one reason and one reason only: these.” They hold up the belts and clink them together. Iron Knuckle had seen the Dark Nuts here and there as they wrestled around the world, and was glad to see they signed with HPW. He knew that they could be “an incredible force of destruction and domination,” so long as they were kept focused. Iron Knuckle had that focus, and now they are all prospering! “A warning to all those who will dare try and end our prosperity, that all you will get in return is suffering.” Who will be next to suffer at the hands of FBV?

The Dark Forces are angry.

Volga is the angriest of them all, as the Burning Berserker usually is. He demands to know what happened with ReDead and Gibdo but then tells them to not bother, they only mumble and grumble anyway. Volga knows Cia will be angry with them, but later, since she has her match to focus on. “I just hope something goes right so she won’t be that upset with us…”

 

After the HPW Exquisite Championship match:

Igos du Ikana hobbles in with some help.

Seres is wary to ask him how he’s feeling after his loss to Ghirahim. Igos seethes, takes a deep breath to stand up straight, and stares into the camera as he speaks. “Ghirahim… You coward… You will regret this!” With that, he leaves on his own.

Ghirahim spins into the room.

The Living Blade has arms outstretched with belt on his waist as he revels in his triumph. He slows to a stop, laughs and runs his hands through his hair before acknowledging Seres is there waiting. She says it’s obvious he’s proud of what he did to Igos. Ghirahim takes offense that she “dare imply there is any shame to be had.” He gave Igos what he deserved for buzzing around him with that ugly haircut, beard and face of his. Ghirahim wishes to leave Igos in the past and move on with his “glorious life.” Will someone new challenge Ghirahim for the gold? Or is he far from through with the Ruler of Ruin?

 

After the HPW Goddess Championship:

Cia laughs as she walks in, Wizzro behind her.

The rest of the Dark Forces applaud the new champion as she raises the title. Volga profusely praises “our new goddess,” but she snaps her fingers at him. “Don’t you pretend like your loss doesn’t matter!” She will not let them off easy just because she has the Goddess Championship. The Dark Forces will rule all of HPW, by any means necessary! Cia leads her henchmen away, but will she lead the way into a dark future?

Midna is throwing things with her magic hair!!

She shouts “CIA!!” as water bottles and ice packs go flying! She grabs the cameraman and pulls him in closer! “Cia! You sorry excuse for intelligent life!” Cia just had to resort to using her cronies! Midna won’t stand for this! She demands HPW do something about this! Seres asks Midna to please stop shaking the cameraman! Midna pushes him away and grips the Fused Shadow in her tiny hands. But then she seems to actually acknowledge it. She looks at it as she calms down, and it seems she gets an idea. She has a sinister smile on her face as she puts the Fused Shadow back on. Midna doesn’t say a word as she floats out of the room, what could she be scheming?

 

After the Eventide Challenge:

Groose walks in first.

Seres asks how he’s doing, and he frowns. He places an ice pack on his neck and another on his head. “I feel really dumb. How could I forget about having to bring the prize back?” Groose sighs, does his best to stand up tall but his neck bothers him and he puts both ice packs on it. The Skyloft Stud walks away, what will bring his spirits back up?

Ashei chugs more water as she walks in.

She finishes the bottle as she walks up to Seres. “I don’t like Eventide… I never want to come back here.” She won’t use it as an excuse, though. She admits she was not ready for many of the others being so much faster than her, which was important given it was partially a race back and forth. Ashei just hopes she’ll get another chance at a title. When and where will that chance come?

Garo Master and Master Kohga enter together.

Kohga seems to be trying to encourage Garo, but Garo just shakes his head. Garo seems to question whether or not he is worthy of having “Master” in his name. Kohga says that’s nonsense. He lost and he’s still “Master Kohga.” Well, the Garo think very differently than the Yiga. Garo Master sulks off and Kohga just looks around and shrugs. Kohga magically brings out a banana, peels it and takes a bite under his mask before walking off.

Fin Balure storms in.

He stops Seres before she starts because obviously, he lost. And instead, Zelda won. Fin didn’t like her being in the running, said some things, but has to admit that she won because she got the better of him and the others. But he tells her, Link and Ganondorf that when they sort it out, the Prince will be waiting.

Finally, Zelda has her turn.

Seres congratulates her on the win, and Zelda thanks her for that. Zelda is still holding onto the golden ball and gives it a hug. The Princess of Hyrule and Triforce of Wisdom is definitely excited to be Ms. Eventide, and therefore the #1 contender. “I will be watching Link and Ganondorf even more closely now,” as it was only moments away from this moment. She will put everything she has into facing the HPW Triforce Champion, whoever it will be. But knowing the results in the present, is she actually pleased the Gerudo Ace is now on top?

 

After the HPW Triforce Championship main event:

Link walks in slowly.

It isn’t just because he’s battered and bruised from his match with Ganondorf. It is clear on Link’s face that his spirit took a hard hit tonight. Seres tentatively speaks to him about this loss in his first title defense. He reigned for four months but didn’t get much time in the ring despite being the world champion. And though he put up a valiant effort, he lost. She knows he probably doesn’t feel like talking, but wonders how he feels about all of this. Link takes a moment to think that over, holding a rather large ice pack against his neck and shoulder. He works to contain his emotions, and takes a deep breath. He looks at the camera while leaning towards the mic. “I failed you all. And I’m sorry.” Link leaves, his future uncertain.

Ganondorf Dragmire celebrates on the way in!

With belt around his waist, the Gerudo Ace grins as he goes to a table with a six pack of beer waiting for him. “Hello, ladies and gentlemen watching at home! I’m pretty sure you were watching the main event, but in case you weren’t for some random, stupid reason, guess what? Here is your winner, and NEWWWW HPW Triforce Champion, ME! Ganondorrrrf…! Drrrraaagmirrre…!” Ganondorf laughs as he brings one of the beer cans out of the six pack, pops the top and chugs! He lets out a satisfied sigh as he stops.

“Now I know what you’re thinking. How does Ganondorf feel about facing Zelda one-on-one for the title he just won? I feel great!” It took her and “that boy from Kakariko” to defeat Ganondorf. Ganondorf “brutalized” Link, he’ll do the same to Zelda, simple as that. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I going to take care of the other five here and celebrate.” Ganondorf takes the rest of the six pack and makes his exit. Will Zelda prove him wrong when they finally face each other 1v1?


My Thoughts:

So how did I do? I wasn’t sure how to first follow-up Treasure Island, but promos are always good to propel story so this seemed like an obvious choice. Not sure if my Fin Balure really captures the Finn Balor style, especially with it so brief. I’m sure fans of Legend of Zelda can figure out what Midna’s next move is, and I’m excited to write the next part of that. My main concern was capturing Link’s downtrodden mood and Ganondorf’s exact opposite in how he’s over the moon right now. Of course, only so much can be done in text versus visuals. Expect another “news” article for HPW’s plans for the Fall in the coming weeks.

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Bandwagon Nerds #288: Disney In The Desert

Disney makes a controversial decision about where it is building its 7th theme park. Plus, loads of trailers, Thunderbolts* news, DCU updates, and more!

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Patrick returns to the show this week and leads the guys through a stacked Trailer Park, including the most recent previews of Old Guard 2, The Long Walk, Peacemaker Season 2, and Stick. Patrick also shares his thoughts with Dave and Tunney about Thunderbolts* and addresses some interesting rumors about what didn’t make it into the film. Meanwhile, Disney makes a very divisive decision about a 7th theme park, and President Trump’s trade war targets the film industry. It sounds crazy, but it’s true. If you are curious, we have answers, so make sure you tune in!

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Mitchell’s Hyrule Puro-Resu News Report! (5/9/25)

June will be electric!

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Prepare for the most electrifying even of the HPW calendar!

While the stage is set for Blood & Thunder 4 and the HPW World Trios Championships, HPW must also address the return of KAGE!

 

Thundra Plateau is ready.

Wrestling is Life, but life has its stormy weather. The rain is going to be hot in June, but will the reign continue through the Summer? The Dark Forces may have failed to take the Undisputed Triforce World Championship from Zelda, but they still have the World Trios Championships. Harlequin, Lupay & Glutko will step inside the double ring, double cage to defend their gold. On one side, Arrow Club’s special combination of Fin Balure, Torbevito & Bad Croc Scaly. On the other, a new combination of its own in Cia, Lana & Midna.

 

Speaking of Cia, Lana & Midna…

The three of them are together, dressed in workout attire, in what appears to be a dance studio. This is a collaboration stream for Midna and Lana as they’re both big presences on the internet, aka “influencers.” Lana and Midna wave and say hi, and they give introductions, including Cia, who is reluctant to be standing there. Cia doesn’t know why they need to do this. Lana says they have to improve their teamwork. They may have won against Los Taros Locos, but it was really sketchy there for a second. Midna adds that doing a dance routine together is great for their timing and coordination.

Cia says she didn’t mean that, she meant having to stream it! Oh, well obviously, combining Midna’s viewing audience with Lana’s, and HPW’s overall, this makes huge numbers! So? And huge money…! Cia raises her eyebrow and says, “Oh really?” The trio sets up, and Lana says obviously they first have to learn the steps. Midna brings up, “Wait, what song are we dancing to?” Oh, good point. Lana was thinking something from Lulu. Cia asks, “Lulu? From the Indigo-Go’s?” Midna says Lulu’s got a great solo album. Lana agrees! That’s so great that they like the same music. Cia isn’t as familiar with her solo stuff, so she’ll rely on them for this.

Lana suggests they go with Energetic Me. For one, it has the most energy, duh. And it still has a dance vibe, which is the whole point. Midna says she might’ve gone with Royal Discotheque or Ten Outta Ten, but she sees Lana’s point. Lana shows them the dance moves she has in mind. Left arm up, bent at the elbow, and the hand up against the side of the chest. Then they switch so the right arm goes up to mirror that position while the left hand goes back to the hip. Maybe add a little hip pop as that happens. Do that a couple times, and then turn to the right. This puts the left hand on the back of the hip, right hand on the back of the neck for a sexy pose.

Then you turn to flip it the other way, then do a 360 with a big neck whipping, hair flipping move. Then finish with feet apart and double V’s up by the eyes, maybe with a wink. Cia says, “Yeah, okay…” while Midna says, “I like it!” Midna says she’ll set up in the middle. Cia asks why Midna is in the middle, and Midna says it’s symmetry. She’s the tallest, Cia and Lana are about the same, it makes sense. Yeah, but it also means Midna is the center of attention. Well, that’s just coincidental. Lana says it doesn’t matter, the point is them doing it all in synch. Cia sighs and says, “Fine.” Midna is in the middle, Cia is on her right, and the music plays.

Left arm, right arm, left arm, right arm, pose to the right, pose to the left, 360 spin and neck whip, then double V. Midna nailed it, but Cia was lagging. Cia defends she was not, but Lana says it’s alright, they’ll just keep trying. They run through it a couple more times, they do tighten it up, and all three feel really good about how that went.

The Dark Forces are watching.

They aren’t impressed by the “little dance party.” Harlequin says the Faces of Evil are way better anyway. Especially with the classics like the Thriller dance and Macarena. Zant says, “The Macarena? Pfft, and people think I’m a dork…” Harlequin says, “Don’t you dare mock the Macarena!” Harlequin changes tabs on the computer and starts playing the song! After the introduction, he lifts his right arm up flat, then his left. Then he turns the right hand up, the left hand up, puts his right hand on his left shoulder, left hand on right shoulder, then moves right hand up behind his head, and then his left.

Now his arms crisscross, right hand on left hip and left hand on right hip, to then switch so right hand on right hip and left hand on left hip. And of course, he swivels his hips in one big circle to go with “HEY~ Macarena! AIGHT!” Zant rolls his eyes while Harlequin keeps going, jumping 90 degrees to his left. Ganon walks in, Ghirahim following behind, and he tells Harlequin to “turn that crap off.” Harlequin pouts but he does as told. Ganon seethes as he takes a seat in his big arm chair. “Needless to say… Wrestling is Life didn’t go how I’d hoped. What was Kage even doing there?! Did either of you have any idea he was going to betray us?!”

Zant and Ghirahim are a bit flustered. Zant isn’t even sure Kage was part of The Dark Forces at the time Ganon took ownership. He’d kinda gone rogue at some point, didn’t he? Ghirahim agrees, it didn’t seem like he was even aligned with Cia and the others. All the more reason for Kage to keep his nose out of Ganon’s business! If Kage cared about the Dark Forces, then he would’ve helped them fight back at HyruleMania, or any time since. Kage clearly just wants the title, same as Ganon, so he’s a dead man walking. Speaking of that… Where’s Kevin? He came back in April, why isn’t he here?

 

Somewhere dark and spooky…

Heavy footsteps can be heard echoing as Kevin Gibdo moves down the hallway. He speaks with a low, airy voice, “Majora… Your madness… spread like wildfire… You thought by setting me ablaze… I would crumble into ash… You were wrong! Instead, I have been purified…! Purged of flaws and weaknesses… I now come forth… as gold!” There’s a light at the end of the hall, and Kevin enters a grand hall, with treasure gleaming in the light. At the center is the sarcophagus. Kevin walks up to it, opens it, and then his burnt and tattered bandages fall away before he steps inside. The sarcophagus closes, then the eyes on it begin to glow… Then the entire thing glows!

The glowing becomes a shining light, and that shining becomes so bright that nothing can be seen. It is clear things between Kevin and Majora are not over. Will the Masked Monster even stand a chance once the Gibdo of All Gibdos is restored to full strength?

 

Back to the Dark Forces…

Shabonne says, “I’m sure Kevin is just fine doing whatever Gibdos do on their time off.” Tali says, “What matters is what I’m about to do to that tiny little weasel with the Goddess Championship. If The Dark Forces is gonna have all the gold, then I need to squash her like a bug and take that title off of whatever’s left!” Ganon nods and says he likes the initiative. Tali will start on her own Triple Crown as the Dark Forces will make Hyrule Pro-Wrestling their kingdom! The group cheers while raising a toast! And then Harlequin gets Glutko and Lupay to join in on the Macarena, to which Ganon groans and facepalms.

 

And so, the ThunderStruck card is set!

The double ring, double cage will rattle with Blood & Thunder as the HPW World Trios Championships are on the line! The Gerudo Ace looks to settle a grudge with the Hero’s Shadow! And now, the Million Rupee Championship and HPW Goddess Championships will also be on the line! Will the Dark Forces absolutely dominate the Summer? Be ready to endure the heat on Friday, June 20th!

About Chairshot Radio Network

Launched in 2017, the Chairshot Radio Network presents you with the best in sports, entertainment, and sports entertainment. Wrestling and wrestling crossover podcasts + the most interesting content + the most engaging hosts = the most entertaining podcasts you’ll find!

 MONDAY - Bandwagon Nerds (entertainment & popular culture)

TUESDAY - Musical Chairs (music) / Hockey Talk (NHL)

WEDNESDAY - The Greg DeMarco Show (wrestling) 

THURSDAY - Keeping the news ridiculous... The Oddity / Chairshot NFL (NFL)

FRIDAY - DWI Podcast (Drunk Wrestling Intellect)

SATURDAY - The Mindless Wrestling Podcast

SUNDAY - The Front and Center Sports Podcast 

CHAIRSHOT RADIO NETWORK PODCAST SPECIALS

Attitude Of Aggression Podcast & The Big Five Project (chronologically exploring WWE's PPV/PLE history)

TheChairshot.com PRESENTS...IMMEDIATE POST WWE PLE REACTIONS w/ DJ(Mindless), Tunney(DWI) & Friends

Patrick O'Dowd's 5X5

Classic POD is WAR


Chairshot Radio Network Your home for the hardest hitting podcasts... Sports, Entertainment and Sports Entertainment!

All Shows On Demand


Powered by RedCircle


Let us know what you think on social media @ChairshotMedia and always remember to use the hashtag #UseYourHead!
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