DING DONG, HELLO~! It’s another Talking Smack!

Bayley already talked some trash to Bianca Belair on SmackDown, but now she’s here for Talking Smack! Plus, Rey & Dominik Mysterio!

Kayla Braxton welcomes us back to the show!

It’s beginning to feel a lot like Summer to Kayla. Because we’re getting big news on SummerSlam! Paul Heyman doesn’t get the jazz hands. Does she do this when she’s really excited? Kayla knows we had a big SmackDown, but she is super pumped about the SummerSlam announcement. Heyman still doesn’t get the dance routine she’s doing. Whatever. But the news is that SummerSlam will be August 21st, a Saturday! Tickets available Friday, June 18th, but where will it be? You have to watch the Belmont Stakes pre-race show on June 5th. Why? Why can’t we be told that now? Because Kayla doesn’t know that information. She knows! No she doesn’t. She does! Tell us! Be a gossip!

Where does Kayla think it’ll be? Give a spoiler, like Heyman does. Well where does HE think? He knows but he won’t give it. Did she watch Raw? Did he? No! Why would he watch Raw? He watches highlights and just goes, “Not better than Roman Reigns.” Well, on to SmackDown then. Heyman teases Kayla about “Summer~” and jazz hands again, but she says she didn’t do it like that. Is this a youth thing? TikTok? He’s not on TikTok, he’s an adult with serious business to do. He wants to get to business about SmackDown. Okay, then!

Kayla notes that the six-time tag team champions, The Usos, were back in action together, they had a “credible” victory, even though it was their first time teaming together in over a year, and it was against The Street Profits. The Usos have their eyes set on the SmackDown Tag Team Championships, which are still held by Rey & Dominik Mysterio. How does Heyman feel about that? Heyman is very impressed. The Usos are THE tag team of this generation. Not to take away anything from the Profits, they are not second tier. They are a team that simply retired as Raw Tag Team Champions to then move right over to being SmackDown Tag Team Champions, until they were honestly ripped off by Bobby Roode & Dolph Ziggler.

So we are not talking about a tag team other than a very, very, very all-time great team in the Profits, who were handedly defeated by the Bloodline, the Usos. It was a credible victory. Kayla agrees here but now wants Heyman’s opinion on Seth Rollins. Rollins attacks Cesaro, angry that he’s being overlooked, so what is his- er, are Heyman’s thoughts? Heyman gets on Kayla about her grammar, and she tells him to not play grammar police today. Oh he’ll be the grammar police. Does she want him to bring out the handcuffs? Is she flirting with him? No, that’s something he never has to worry about. So she doesn’t like bigger guys?

Kayla says she’s looking forward to talking to their guests today. They have Bayley and the SmackDown Tag Team Champions, Rey & Dominik Mysterio! Ding Dong, HELLO~!

Bayley joins Talking Smack!

The longest reigning SmackDown Women’s Champion ever says hello to Heyman and figures Kayla is obsessed with her, which is why she’s on this show so much. Kayla says she has nothing to do with booking guests on this show so it’s not her that’s obsessed. But Kayla likes Bayley’s shirt. Thanks! You can get DING DONG HELLO! on the WWE Shop website, whatever it’s called. Kayla, go get yourself one. Will it be an autographed one? If Kayla buys it, sure. Heyman says that’s proof that Kayla is obsessed. Kayla says she just needs some new rags to clean things. WHOA~! Kayla says she’s joking, she’ll wear it with pride. Is Bianca in her ear?

Heyman says Kayla shouldn’t rebel against her “Bayley envy.” Bayley will make that the next shirt and then sign it, for $20! Kayla says all jokes aside, or perhaps more jokes, since Bayley always has the giggles on SmackDown, laughing and taunting Bianca. What does Bayley find so funny? Seriously? Is Kayla in fifth grade? A case of the giggles? Yeah, sure, Bayley had giggle berries for breakfast. What’s funny is Bianca thinking she’s such a big deal, but she’s not. She went into the ring, faced Carmella, who is a two-time Ms. Money in the Bank, a WrestleMania Battle Royal winner, and SmackDown Women’s Champion, and therefore way more accomplished than Bianca.

Sure, Bianca won, but we all know who Bianca really is deep down. Bianca doesn’t feel good about how she won at Backlash and it’s eating her inside that she couldn’t beat Bayley fairly. Bianca cheated, watch the footage. You can’t use foreign objects. Bianca used her hair whip at Mania, WATISH. Sorry for spitting. It isn’t foreign, it is Bianca’s hair and attached to her. Yeah, but Bayley doesn’t use, uh… Kayla mockingly says, “Her arms? It’s kinda the same thing.” Then why doesn’t Kayla get in the ring with Bianca? See what that feels like! Bayley wouldn’t put it past Bianca that she braided a steel pipe into that ponytail! You don’t know! But the way it bends…

Heyman cues up Kayla’s retort, and Kayla says it’s possible something’s in there. Thank you! DING DONG, HELLO~! Then is there any chance, with all due respect as the longest reigning women’s champion- Say something else. There’s more to Bayley than just that. Well, Bayley has a personality. Oh wow~! Heyman wants to tell Bayley something, and it’s fine that this is on camera. Bayley has a great “um.” Kayla’s words, not his. A great um? What? Kayla says Heyman is just making fun of her.

But does Bayley perhaps some pent up bitterness or frustration towards Bianca? Bianca had her moment at WrestleMania, and Heyman adds that Bianca has a better um than Bayley, too. Bayley does admit Bianca had a Mania moment, but does Bayley have to keep saying this? She’s had multiple Mania moments! She retained the Raw Women’s Championship in an ELIMINATION Fatal 4 Way! She lasted longer than anyone else! She retained her SmackDown Women’s Championship in a Fatal 5 Way! So no, Bayley isn’t jealous or bitter or whatever. She’s just mad that Bianca thinks she can go around here, acting like she’s better than everyone else just for what she has done.

Bayley isn’t doing that! She doesn’t parade around all “I’m on mah own~” and all that in her theme song, blah blah blah. Kayla kinda hopes she will. Cut that part out! Can’t, this is live. Kayla says they joke because they’re friends. Bayley can’t believe it. They are? Yes, and Bayley is amazing and will one day be champion again. Bayley agrees, and it’ll be when she gets her rematch with “the cheater masquerading around as a champion, Bianca Belair.” Or as Michael Cole said on SmackDown, “Bellanca.” Bayley laughs at Cole, he is NOT the EST of announcing.

Kayla thanks Bayley for her time, Heyman thanks Bayley from bringing her um to the show, and Bayley says, “You’re um welcome!” And after the break, the first-ever father-son tag team champions will be here! Heyman asks if Kayla knows why the Mysterios are losing next week. Because of “Um…”

Rey & Dominik join Talking Smack!

Heyman congratulates them on retaining the titles, and Kayla says it wasn’t easy. Rey was attacked backstage, does he know the extent of the damage? He was clutching his side and saying it was his ribs on SmackDown. Rey was in a moment of prayer before his match and sure enough, someone got behind him and dropped him. Whoever it was can do whatever they want to him, but they won’t stop Rey or Dom. Dominik did what he had to do, but how did he feel not having his dad out there with him? The only thing going through his head was that Rey stepped up when Dom was down at Backlash, so it was his turn to do the same. That’s the Mysterio family way.

Rey says he didn’t anything less. Dom thanks him for that. Kayla says this was their first successful defense since making history. But as we saw at the end of SmackDown, another team came out and have eyes on the titles. They face the Usos next week, titles on the line, how do they feel about that? Rey told Dom when they became champion that they now have huge targets on their backs. Clearly, Dom has proven to Rey 1000% that he can step up. The Usos are stepping up, they’re not backing down, the Mysterios are excited for this.

Kayla wants Heyman to join in here, given the literal relationship between the Usos and the man Heyman works for. Oh yes, he works very closely with the Tribal Chief, the Usos happen to be related. The last time the Mysterios were here, Heyman told them to come back either as champions or just not as champions. So it’d be foolish of him to play into the narrative and say something like, “You proved your critics wrong.” There surely weren’t any critics out there doubting them. Anyone who is is blatantly wrong. The Mysterios proved themselves, their fans and their family right.

Look at the SmackDown Tag Division: Roode & Ziggler, the previous champions; The Street Profits, a team that have defined this generation; and the Usos, reunited and coming for the title. If The Usos are on the same page, listening to their Tribal Chief, then the Mysterios have a real headache on their hands. But they will always have that headache, because everyone they’ll be facing with the titles on the line are all worthy challengers. That makes these two the most worthy tag team champions in the WWE.

So Heyman will say what he’s said before. They’re facing the Usos next week. The Mysterios are invited to Talking Smack whenever they want. Rey is a legend. Dom is proving himself just as good at this age as Rey was, and Heyman knows because he was there to see Rey at that age. So if the Usos win, the Mysterios return as former champions and will have to explain themselves. If the Mysterios win, they’ll return as a team that successfully defended their titles. Heyman is not going to say something like “I wish you luck because you’re gonna need it,” but he will say to these two gentlemen, he wishes them luck and looks forward to seeing them again. Kayla’s turn. “Follow that.” She can’t.

Rey appreciates the honesty. Usos or some other team, it’ll take a lot to take these titles from them. They made history as father and son, they’re not going to let go that easily. Kayla thanks them and wishes them luck. She feels the Mysterios will retain the titles, but Heyman says he neither gave prediction nor spoiler. Does she know his favorite part of the interview and the Mysterios’ father-son bond? What? “Um!” Okay… Well after another break, we will unfortunately have another segment where Heyman has the floor. Stay tuned or not, Kayla won’t blame you.

Talking Smack returns with some news!

In case you missed it on SmackDown, Adam Pearce is giving Kevin Owens a 1v1 match with Apollo Crews, and it will be for the WWE Intercontinental Championship! But what’s special about this is that Commander Azeez will be barred from ringside! This and the SmackDown Tag Team Championships make for a big Friday next week!

Alright, now is the part of the show where Heyman talks. No, this is where we learn where SmackDown is. She doesn’t know where, she knows when: Saturday, August 21st, jazz hands. This is why people on social media, from Twitter to Instagram to Facebook to Friendster to Tinder, are rebelling against Kayla. She’s withholding information from her public. Is she? Yes. Tell them! Saturday, August 21st. Heyman keeps cuing her up with the chance to tell us where, but she says she is not a puppet. But if Heyman wants his time to talk all on his own, his time is running out. Get whatever off your chest off your chest.

He has no implants. He has nothing to get off his chest because he is a happy man serving as Special Counsel to the Tribal Chief, the End All Be All, the sun around which the WWE Universe and Multiverse orbits around. Heyman has nothing to vent about. All Jews just vetch here in the Florida heat, is that it? Kayla just wants to know if he has anything to say about the Usos, Roman, Seth, Cesaro, etcetera. He does want to talk about the Usos. Next week’s main event is something worthy of public attention. “Ladies and gentlemen, for the very first time, two families will collide right on SmackDown, with the tag team titles on the line.

“The very first father-son tag team champions in WWE history. Rey Mysterio, a legend, first ballot hall of famer, the greatest luchador of all time, and his son, a prodigal son. Someone who at 22, 21, however old Dominik is, is tearing it up. A worthy tag team champion standing next to his legendary father. But they’re going against the Usos. Second generation wrestlers.” The first time Heyman met the Usos was the summer of 1989. He was managing the Samoan Swat Team, another part of the Anoa’i Fatu Samoan Dynasty. Samu, son of Afa, and Fatu, aka Rikishi.

Fatu/Rikishi told Heyman to look in the ring. It was 3 PM in the afternoon, and this was after the SST defeated The Road Warriors, the best tag team of their day, until having faced the Samoans with Heyman in their corner. And Heyman looked in the ring and saw these two young men, about 4 years old, grappling in the ring. One took the other and slams him, then climbs up and leaps off it at 4 years old, to splash his own twin brother. Heyman is sure we can tell where this is going. That was the first day Heyman saw Jimmy & Jey Uso.

Then Heyman was on WCW, because he was “relegated to that league at that time.” Heyman said, “Like a bird to air, like a fish to water, a Samoan takes to wrestling.” The Mysterios are great tag team champions but they’re going against two naturals. They’re going against two twins who have this industry, who have wrestling, in their blood. They are the Bloodline. This is what they do. Heyman offers not a prediction nor a spoiler. The Usos need to pledge their allegiance and acknowledge their Tribal Chief before Heyman offers such things. Heyman is intrigued by this match, and so should we fans.

You know who else is intrigued by this match? Someone you shall acknowledge. The same person Heyman acknowledges. The same person Jey Uso acknowledges, and the same person who Heyman assures us Jimmy Uso will acknowledge: The Reigns-ing, Defending, Undisputed, Uncontroverted, WWE Universal Heavyweight Champion and YOUR Tribal Chief- Heyman stops himself from smacking the glass table too hard, as he finishes with “Roman… Reigns.” Will it be the will of the Tribal Chief that his cousins capture gold just as he has?

My Thoughts:

A pretty good Talking Smack here. Heyman’s really active lately with teasing Kayla and such. Bayley had a good segment, a lot of energy and banter with Kayla. Bianca VS Bayley will surely happen at Hell in a Cell, but I wonder if it’ll get so heated between them that it is put in the cell. The Mysterios had a decent segment, Dom just kind of recycling the little bit he said on SmackDown. The bigger thing was Heyman maintaining a strange neutrality in his promo. He was being very diplomatic since they’ll be facing the Usos, who he has to be a bit more biased towards because of their connection to Roman. Heyman’s final promo was great, but again reminds us that Roman could throw a wrench into Jimmy’s plans, keeping all the championship glory for himself.