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Mitchell’s WWE Raw Results & Report! (2/27/23)

Paving the Road to WrestleMania!

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Will the Man and the Legend take control?

Raw prepares for a Beast meeting a Giant, The Miz’s WrestleMania Hollywood announcement, and the WWE Women’s Tag Team Championships! Will Becky & Lita take those titles to the Big Time?

OFFICIAL RESULTS

  • Jimmy Uso & Solo Sikoa VS The Street Profits; Jimmy & Solo win.
  • Cody Rhodes VS Chad Gable w/ Otis; Cody wins.
  • Asuka VS Carmella; Asuka wins.
  • Candice LeRae VS Piper Niven; Candice wins.
  • Bobby Lashley VS Elias; Lashley wins.
  • Otis w/ Maximum Male Models VS Johnny Gargano; Gargano wins.
  • WWE Women’s Tag Team Championships: Damage CTRL w/ Bayley VS Becky Lynch & Lita; Becky & Lita win and become the new WWE Women’s Tag Team Champions.

PLAY BY PLAY

Jimmy Uso & Solo Sikoa VS The Street Profits!

The Bloodline is back on Raw, but it isn’t how you think. Jey was still stuck in the middle between family and Sami, and that puts his brothers in the middle between him and Roman Reigns. Jimmy gets a mic to say, “Grand Rapids! The Bloodline is now in your city! I know what y’all thinking. I saw the posts, I saw the Tweets. Y’all out here talking about that there’s problems in the Bloodline, like the Bloodline got cracks in it. From outside looking in, I’m sure it do look that way. But if you come from a family, and you got family, and you love your family, you already know that family fight all the time.”

Fans chant for “SAMI! SAMI!” but Jimmy says, “Well check this out. If you come for one member of the Bloodline, you come for all the members of the Bloodline. Let’s just see everybody who thought there was cracks in the Bloodline. Kevin Owens at Royal Rumble. Do you think he got one on the Bloodline? NOPE! Sami Zayn at Elimination Chamber, in his hometown, Montreal. Do you think he got one on the Bloodline? NOPE! And ya boy, Cody Rhodes.” Fans chant for “CODY! CODY!” now. Jimmy says at WrestleMania, do you think he’ll get one on Your Tribal Chief, Roman Reigns? Fans chant “YES! YES!” but Jimmy says, “HELL NO!”

Speaking of the Tribal Chief, Roman Reigns will be back this Friday to remind everybody who runs SmackDown. But tonight, Jimmy and his little brother, Solo Sikoa, are here to remind them who runs Raw. But here come the Street Profits! Montez Ford has a mic to say to Grand Rapids, “Oh my God, look, Dawks!” “I see ’em!” “It’s the Bloodline!” They got SOLO~! But he ain’t got no shoes on so those bunions can breath. And there’s Jimmy! “Who hotta than Jim Dolla? NOBODY.” And also the one who got a 90 in the new WWE video games, Jey- Oh. Jey must be in the back. Or through the stands? Jey, where you at? “Oh, Jey~!”

Oh, y’know what? Ford can’t blame Jey, either. If he was the bridge who always kept the Bloodline together, Ford would be tired of them, too. Ooooh… And now y’all walking in, boasting and bragging like y’all hard. You run Raw AND SmackDown? You can’t even run your own family. Cracks in the armor! And you have the nerves to show up on their show to enforce their absent chief’s orders? Jimmy tells Tez that he talks so much trash, especially for someone who already got bodied by the Bloodline. Keep the Tribal Chief’s name up out your mouths. Or what? Or what? Oh, forget all that, this is Grand Rapids! And the Profits want the smoke!

And they start throwing hands! Fans fire up for the brawl, Dawkins POUNCES Jimmy, then ROCKS Solo! Ford SUPERKICKS, Dawkins ENZIGURIS, and the Profits double clothesline Solo up and out! This match is ready to fire off, but has to wait until after the break!

Raw returns and the bell rings! Jimmy and Dawkins tie up, Dawkins powers Jimmy to a corner, Jimmy turns it around, but Dawkins dodges to ROCK Jimmy! Dawkins stomps, fires more forearms, then whips corner to corner. Dawkins runs in but Jimmy dodges the Cyclone! UPPERCUT! Dawkins staggers, Jimmy tags Solo and they mug Dawkins in the corner. Solo ROCKS Dawkins, ROCKS him again, and his headbands comes off! Solo stands Dawkins up to CHOP him in the corner! Solo whips corner to corner, Dawkins goes up and over, RAMS Solo, then hurdles! Solo shoves Dawkins, Dawkins cartwheels to DROPKICK!

Fans fire up as Dawkins tags Ford and the Profits double whip. Solo shoves them away but the DOUBLE DROPKICKS take him down! Ford KICKS Solo in the back, covers, ONE! Ford wraps on a headlock, Solo powers up and Jimmy tags in. The Bloodline mugs Ford with a hard right, then Jimmy snapmares and runs to SLIDING LARIAT! Cover, TWO! Jimmy clamps on a chinlock and he grinds Ford down. Ford endures, fights up, but Jimmy HEADBUTTS him down! Jimmy raises the finger, #WeTheOnes, and he brings Ford up, But Ford DROPKICKS back! Tag to Dawkins, the Profits whip, trip and DROPKICK!

Dawkins runs in at the corner, CYCLONE! ENZIGURI! And then underhooks, but Jimmy wrenches out! UPPERCUT! Jimmy headlocks, hits a takeover, and he grinds Dawkins down. Fans rally, Dawkins fights up, and Dawkins powers out. Solo sneaks a tag, Jimmy reverses, Dawkins hurdles, but into a LARIAT from Solo! Fans boo while Solo roars, and Raw goes to break.

Raw returns again and Solo has Dawkins’ arm. Dawkins fights with forearms while reaching out, but Solo reels Dawkins in for a SAMOAN DROP! Solo stays between the Profits, then stalks Dawkins to a corner. Solo rains down fists, the ref counts, and Solo lets off. Solo goes to the opposite corner, and he runs corner to corner, HIP ATTACK! Jimmy applauds but fans boo. Solo SUPERKICKS Ford down! Then Solo goes back to the corner, he runs back in, but Dawkins UPPERCUTS Solo down! Fans fire up, Solo and Dawkins crawl, and Ford is ready! Hot tags to Ford and Jimmy! Ford dodges then first JAB after JAB, then LARIATS!

Fans fire up as Ford UPPERCUTS Jimmy! Jimmy blocks a kick, flips Ford but he lands on his feet to hit a BIG back suplex! Ford kips up, STANDING MOONSAULT! Cover, TWO! Ford snarls but he watches Jimmy crawl to a corner. Jimmy drags himself up, Ford runs in, but Jimmy puts him o the apron. Ford ROCKS Jimmy, KICKS Solo, then GAMANGIRIS Jimmy! Ford goes up top and fans fire up again! But Jimmy stands first and UPPERCUTS! Jimmy GAMANGIRIS in return, then climbs up after Ford. Jimmy brings Ford up, but Ford resists! Ford powers up to HEADBUTT! Jimmy falls, Ford CROSSBODIES! Cover, TWO!!

Fans can’t believe it but Jimmy survives! Ford brings Jimmy up but Jimmy UPPERCUTS! Ford mule kicks! Front kicks! But Jimmy kicks! Ford blocks but gets the DRAGON WHIP! Ford still ENZIGURIS in return! Solo tags in, Ford DECKS him first! But Jimmy fireman’s carries, only for Ford to slip free. Ford shoves Jimmy to hit a SPINEBUSTER! Tag to Dawkins, he grabs Jimmy, and Ford climbs up. But Solo SHOVES Ford down! Jimmy feeds Dawkins to Solo’s SUPERKICK! And then, SAMOAN SPIKE!! Cover, The Bloodline wins!

Winners: Jimmy Uso & Solo Sikoa, by pinfall

It may not be Day One, but this is still blood brothers going to work! And then Solo and Jimmy start beating down the Profits! They throw Dawkins out, and Solo gets a chair! Solo puts it around Ford’s head while Jimmy stomps Dawkins on the floor. Solo goes to the opposite corner, but KEVIN OWENS slides in! SUPERKICK for Solo! STUNNER for Jimmy! Fans fire up and Solo is furious! The Prizefighter is not done with the Bloodline, but how will it end?

 

Brock Lesnar is here!

The Beast is in Grand Rapids and he’s going right to the ring, before MVP and his VIP Lounge are even ready! Lesnar looks at the nice couches and gets comfortable. Now MVP makes his entrance, rather wary of Lesnar. “Mr. Lesnar, when I invited you to accept the challenge, this isn’t exactly how I envisioned it.” Lesnar says, “Good evening, Michigan. Uh, pardon me for being a little earlier. My apologies. But please, join me, if you wish.” MVP says he’s good, he can talk from the ramp. Lesnar says he has no beef with MVP. “Brock Lesnar is all about business.” Fans chant, “Suplex City!” and MVP wants them to calm down.

MVP tells Lesnar not to listen to the fans. Now what is this about business? Yes, Lesnar is here to listen to MVP here in this “beautiful VIP Lounge that you have set up.” And he’s here to listen to MVP to help sell the people here, at home, and Lesnar himself “a fight.” So we’re talking business? MVP doesn’t have to worry about going to Suplex City? Lesnar says no suplexes tonight. Fans boo but MVP knows Lesnar is a man of his word. MVP gets in the ring and they sit down. Lesnar wants to hear this first hand, since he’s a “coward.” MVP is scared, but Lesnar says he’s kidding. MVP didn’t insult him with what he said last week, nor could he insult him any further tonight.

Now, sell Lesnar and the people on this fight. Do what you do best, MVP! Lesnar is here to possibly do business. So, okay, he’ll hyep it up. Lesnar is the Beast Incarnate. And when Lesnar put his hands on a man, that man has no chance. If Lesnar takes someone to Suplex City, they are literally in a world of hurt. And if Lesnar hits a man with the F5, that man is done for! “However, Brock Lesnar, you had your hands full with the ALl Mighty, Bobby Lashley, and I wasn’t even in his corner. So you couldn’t have your way with Brock Lesnar, but for whatever reason, you think you, the Beast Incarnate, can have his way with the 7’3” tall, 416 pound Nigerian Giant?

“You see, you put your hands on a man and you can do whatever you want with that man. But you put your hands on a giant, that giant puts his hands back on you!” Fans boo but Lesnar is liking this. MVP says the issue here is that the Beast can destroy any man, but a Giant will subdue and conquer the Beast. So the bottom line here is, Lesnar can suplex and F5 virtually any man he wants, but he cannot do whatever he wants to the 7’3″ tall, 416 pound Nigerian Giant, Omos. Lesnar says that was good! He got goosebumps! Good job! High-five! And y’know what? MVP, that was damn good. Lesnar accepts the challenge!

So then we have business? Big business! Not only does Lesnar accept the challenge, he thinks they should shake on it, and drink on it! MVP says a handshake and a toast to Lesnar VS Omos at WrestleMania! Lesnar couldn’t have said it any better, but he will. “Ladies and gentlemen. Fighting…! At WrestleMania…! BRRROCK! LESNARRR! VS OMOS! And… MVP in his corner.” Very nice, MVP likes that. handshake, done. And now, they will pop a bottle and raise a glass. No, no, c’mere. Lesnar says MVP is a baller, a hype man, but Lesnar is a farmer. He grows the good stuff himself. If we’re having a toast, then it’s gonna be the good stuff.

Lesnar brings out a flask. Here’s to Lesnar VS Omos at WrestleMania! Lesnar chugs his flask, and it’s GOOD! MVP will toast with the champagne if that’s alright. Fans boo, and Lesnar pushes the flask into MVP’s hands. “You ain’t gonna make me drink alone, are ya?” No, of course not! But what is this, exactly? Where Lesnar’s from, that’s called White Lightning. Well alright. Here’s to Lesnar VS Omos! MVP chugs up, and then SPITS IT ALL OVER LESNAR! Fans chant, “YOU F’D UP!” MVP hurries to clean Lesnar off, but Lesnar takes his flask back. Lesnar puts the flask away, wipes himself off and even blows his nose, and then puts the handkerchief back in MVP’s pocket.

Then he fireman’s carries MVP for an F5!! That wasn’t a suplex! And now, the fight is on! Will Lesnar VS Omos look like the Clash of Titans at WrestleMania?

 

Backstage interview with Lita & Becky Lynch.

Cathy Kelley is with tonight’s contenders for the WWE Women’s Tag Team Championships. How have they been preparing? And what is going through their minds right now? Lita says that some of her most favorite highlights have been alongside some of the most legendary tag teams in this business. So to walk out tonight as tag team champs, that is a true bucket list item. She’s been making history over two decades, and she’s not done yet. And Becky’s had it on her bucket list to win those tag titles, too. But it was a long kept secret because, well, Becky doesn’t play well with others.

But there is no other woman she would rather fight alongside with, that she respects more than Lita. So one way or another, they’re walking out with the titles. And Bayley can get involved if she wants, but they’ll take care of her, too. Come hell or highwater, you will see the most groundbreaking tag team champions of all time! The legend and The man are ready, but will they be able to take control back from Damage Control?

 

Cody Rhodes VS Chad Gable w/ Otis!

The American Nightmare is preparing for WrestleMania, so he wants to sharpen himself against Raw’s best! And after seeing what “Master Gable” has been able to do against men twice his size, this will be quite the test! Will Cody be more than ready for Roman Reigns? Or will Gable fish out a weakness in the #1 contender?

The bell rings and the two circle. Cody gets a leg, Gable rolls free but Cody waistlocks. Gable switches, Cody drop toeholds, fans chant for him as he switches to a facelock, but Gable rolls free to facelock back. They roll together, Cody fights up to a fireman’s carry, and he puts Gable down in a corner. Cody lets off, but Gable sucker punches! Otis says that’s right, and Gable whips. Cody goes up and over to victory roll, TWO! Gable has the ANKLE LOCK! Cody rolls to send Gable into buckles! Cody runs in but into a BOOT! Gable goes up but Cody CLUBS him! Cody climbs up, brings Gable into a dragon sleeper, INVERTED SUPERPLEX!

Fans fire up but Gable bails out. Cody has control as Raw goes to break.

Raw returns and Gable has a leg. Cody fights up, but Gable back suplexes! Cody lands on his feet but his leg jams. Cody goes to a corner, Gable runs in and blocks the boot! Gable puts that leg in the ropes, gets the other, DRAGON SCREW! Cody clutches his knee, but Gable brings him up for a BIG back suplex! Gable goes to the corner, climbs up top, and Otis cheers him on while fans boo. Gable DIVING HEADBUTTS but FLOPS as Cody moves! Gable staggers, but he ROCKS Cody! Gable runs, but Cody follows to CLOBBER him! Kick and RHODES UPPERCUT! Cody goes to a corner, Gable runs in but Cody goes up and over, only for his leg to jam again!

Gable comes back, but into the POWERSLAM! Cody roars and fights through the pain, DISASTER KICK! Cover, TWO! Gable is still in this and Otis coaches him up. Cody stands, fans rally, and Cody brings Gable up. But Gable shoots around! Cody reaches down to trip Gable, and he has the FIGURE FOUR! Gable flails as he endures and fans “WOO~!” Gable sits up, but Cody puts on the pressure! Gable drags himself over, reaches out, but he CHOPS Cody and gets the ROPEBREAK! Cody lets off and Otis paces as he coaches Gable. Cody brings Gable up to headlock and punch! Cody then runs, but Gable catches the springboard to a GERMAN SUPLEX! Bridging cover, TWO!

Gable and Cody slowly rise, and Gable waistlocks again. Cody fights, goes up the corner, and goes up and over! But Gable gets Cody into a crucifix! CLIFFHANGER DDT! Gable hurries up top, for the MOONSAULT! Cover, TWO!! Cody survives and Gable is shocked! Fans rally for Cody but Otis coaches on Gable. Gable puts Cody in the corner, CHOPS him, but Cody snarls. Cody turns things around and he CHOPS Gable! Cody eggs Gable on, they go forehead to forehead, and Gable turns Cody around to CHOP! Cody turns Gable around to CHOP! Fans fire up as Cody runs, but Gable goes to hip toss! Cody blocks, but then Gable blocks Cody’s hip toss!

They go back and forth, blocking hip toss again and again, until Cody hip tosses Gable up and out of the ring! Fans fire up as Gable shouts for Otis. Cody DIVES to take out Gable! And where IS Otis?! Otis is looking for someone else. Cody puts Gable in, and then looks with Otis. Oh, there she is! Maxxine Dupri is in the back. Otis realizes it’s Cody, and asks him what he’s doing. Cody is just helping him look. Cody backs away but Otis storms up after him, only to be sent up and over barriers! Cody returns to the ring, dodges Gable, goes up and up and SUPER CODY CUTTERS!! Fans fire up with Cody and he dragon sleepers, CROSS RHODES!! Cover, Cody wins!

Winner: Cody Rhodes, by pinfall

“Otīs” got distracted by his new honey bee, and Gable still got caught by the American Nightmare! Cody gets a mic to say, “I think we are 33 days away from WrestleMania. I have yet to stand in the same ring as my opponent, our Undisputed Champion, Roman Reigns.” Fans boo, but Cody says, “But he is on SmackDown this Friday, and I am ecstatic that Roman Reigns is on SmackDown this Friday because… I’ll be there, too.” Cody has made it clear, he won’t let the Tribal Chief just relax on his Island of Relevancy! Will SmackDown be a nightmare for the champion?

 

Backstage interview with Baron Corbin.

Byron Saxton says Corbin has requested this time to send a message to the WWE Universe. “Yeah, look. It’s no secret, things have not gone my way, and I hear all of you. One of those things they’re saying is the things JBL said, and-” Wait, Kevin Owens is walking over! Byron cuts this interview short to ask Kevin about his attack on Jimmy Uso and Solo Sikoa. Is he worried about any consequences? Consequences? The ones who should be worried about that are Jimmy, Solo and the Bloodline. They’re suffering from the consequences of their actions! And others are suffering from those, too.

But Kevin has said it for months: He wants to see The Bloodline fall, and he won’t stop until he gets what he wants. And he doesn’t need or want any help in doing that. Kevin heads out, but did he add that bit at the end for a certain someone?

 

The Judgment Day speaks.

Damian Priest says, “You know what time it is. All rise of the Judgment Day!” Dominik Mysterio says “hi” to dad, and says they had a little Mysterio family reunion on SmackDown. “What a joke. I showed the whole world exactly what you are. The same competitor as you are a father: A loser who does nothing. Don’t worry, Mami has a match this Friday with Liv Morgan, and I’ll be by my mamacita’s side and we can have that little heart to heart. And I’ll show the world what a coward you really are. Because at the end of the day, you’re not going to do a thing about it, and your in Ex-Con Dom’s prison now.”

Rhea Ripley says she didn’t have to say a single word to Charlotte Flair. “Because just being in the same building as me I could tell had her shook. When I stepped into that ring and looked into her eyes, I saw something. It wasn’t fear. It was something much worse. Acceptance. Cuz no amount of confidence or anything she had to say Friday could change her fate. And her fate is that at WrestleMania, Rhea Ripley’s walking out the new SmackDown Women’s Champion.” Finn tells Edge, “You thought this was over at Elimination Chamber? You don’t get to decide when this is over. This is over when I say it’s over!”

Finn says Edge is playing checkers but The Prince is playing chess. And there’s still one more move. So if Edge accepts the challenge, they end this at WrestleMania. Checkmate. The Judgment Day has spoken, but will they still run things on this Road to WrestleMania?

 

Otis waits outside the trainer’s room.

Maxxine and Maximum Male Models walk over and ask if he’s considered the offer. Oh, right, Otīs doesn’t need words to be professional. In fact, if he were to have a match tonight, the MMM would love to be in his corner to watch his raw, natural talent. Otis says okay. He’ll go get Pearce! Otis says he needs a match, and right now! MMM is pleased, but will they still like what they see at ringside?

 

Asuka VS Carmella!

The Empress of Tomorrow is on her way towards WrestleMania, but the Princess of Staten Island wants to prove that not only is she ready for Asuka, she can beat Asuka and should be going to Hollywood in her place. Will this story have a fabulous plot twist? Or will Mella’s Hollywood dream be over before it begins?

Raw returns as Mella makes her entrance. The bell rings and the two circle. Mella talks trash and then ties up with Asuka. They go around, Asuka shoves Mella away, and they go again. Mella pulls hair, throws hands on Asuka, but Asuka turns things around to fire off forearms! The ref backs Asuka off, Mella sucker punches her! Asuka grins to SOBAT and throw knees! SWITCHBLADE KICK! Mella ducks a buzzsaw but kicks into an ANKLE LOCK! Mella rolls, kicks Asuka way, then kicks her down! Asuka goes to ropes and Mella mocks the fans chanting for Asuka. Mella puts Asuka in a corner, throws back elbow after back elbow, but lets off as the ref counts.

Mella says Asuka’s not ready for her! Mella drags Asuka up, brings her around and bumps her off her boot. Mella moonwalks and says, “Mella! Is! Money!” FABULOUS BRONCO BUSTER! Cover, TWO! Mella is annoyed but she brings Asuka up. Mella whips but Asuka reverses to pop-up KNEE! Cover, TWO! Asuka grabs at Mella but Mella scurries away to the outside. Fans boo, but Asuka pursues! Asuka chases Mella back into the ring, dodges her, then holds ropes to BOOT! Mella scurries away again, Asuka runs in, but Mella dumps her out! Mella then FABULOUS KICKS Asuka down! Mella mocks Asuka and Raw goes to break.

Raw returns again and Mella still talks trash as she grinds Asuka down with a chinlock. Fans rally, Asuka endures, and Asuka fights up. Asuka throws body shots, but Mella throws her by her hair! Fans boo but Mella says she’s not scared of Asuka. Mella’s beat Asuka before, she’ll do it again. She pie faces Asuka, but Asuka just gets mad. Mella pie faces Asuka again, but Asuka URAKENS! URAKENS! SOBATS! Front kick, URAKEN! Low kick, ROUNDHOUSE, HEEL KICK! Asuka then GERMAN SUPLEXES Mella! And BUZZSAWS! Mella flounders and fans fire up with Asuka! Mella bails out but Asuka is on the apron, SLIDING KNEE!

Asuka drags Mella up and puts her in the ring. Asuka goes up the corner now, Mella stands up, for the MISSILE- NO, Mella avoids the dropkick to FABULOUS KICK! Cover, TWO! Mella is shocked! Fans rally while both women are down, but Mella stands first. Mella looms over Asuka, but Asuka drags Mella into a cradle! TWO!! Mella hurries to reel Asuka in but Asuka trips her to a jackknife bridge! TWO, into the CODE OF SILENCE! Asuka powers out, Mella ducks the buzzsaw and she rolls Asuka up, TWO! Asuka has the arms! RINGS OF SATURN!! Mella endures, but she taps! Asuka wins!

Winner: Asuka, by submission

Mella may have beaten Asuka in the past, and she fought hard, but she was unable to stop this Asuka! And Asuka gets the mic to shout in Japanese, “HERE WE GO! HERE WE GO!” Asuka tells Bianca to come out now! So here she comes! Fans fire up as the RawEST Women’s Champion struts to the ring, and asks if Asuka’s calling her out. She isn’t sure what Asuka said but she doesn’t like her tone. She hopes Asuka wants to tell everyone how they’re going to tear the house down at WrestleMania. Because if Asuka said anything else, Bianca will remind her that SHE is the EST of the WWE, and you can’t spell WrestleMania without EST.

But then Mella shoves Asuka into Bianca! Fans boo but Mella laughs as she leaves. Bianca is fuming, but Mella says it doesn’t matter if Bianca’s the EST, Mella is money! Will Bianca show Mella what’s what before we arrive in Hollywood?

 

Candice LeRae VS Piper Niven!

The Poison Pixie has a lot on her plate with Johnny Gargano banged up after the Elimination Chamber and Crazy Cross creeping around. Will she be able to focus on the Scottish Viper before her? Or will her body and spirit both be crushed this close to WrestleMania?

Raw returns and Candice makes her entrance. And Nikki Cross is sneaking out behind her! Nikki said she just wants a friend, is she trying that even now? The bell rings and Piper CLOBBERS Candice! Piper drags Candice up to DECK her, then has her at the ropes. Piper CHOKES Candice, saying this is to teach her a lesson. Piper then scoops Candice, but Candice slips free! Candice KICKS away at the leg, runs, tilt-o-whirls, but Piper blocks the crucifix takedown. Candice shifts to a sunset, but Piper JUMPS! Only for Candice to move out of the way! Piper clutches her tailbone, Candice runs in to NECK SNAPPER! Jackknife cover, TWO!

Piper goes to a corner, Candice runs in but gets caught! URENAGE! Piper runs to SENTON! Cover, TWO! Candice survives but Piper is annoyed. Piper CLUBS Candice, wraps on a cobra clutch and she thrashes Candice around! Candice endures, fans rally, and even Nikki cheers her on. But Piper RAMS Candice into a corner! Piper runs in, but into an elbow! Piper runs in again, but only gets buckles! Candice goes up, but Candice SHOVES her down! Candice falls to the floor, sits up in a daze, but Piper goes out after her. Nikki looks worried but Piper throws Candice back in. Then she throws Nikki into barriers!

Piper goes back into the ring, but Candice rolls her up! CANDICE WINS!!

Winner: Candice LeRae, by pinfall

Piper is pissed! Nikki helped out without really meaning to, will Candice think of her as a friend now?

 

Backstage interview with Johnny Gargano.

Byron is with Johnny Wrestling, they say congrats to Candice. And it turns out, Johnny has a match of his own later on tonight. Johnny says Candice did great against Piper, and yes, he does have a match, because this is Monday Night Raw! You gotta be ready for anything! Johnny walked into the locker room, put his bags down, and Otis ran up to him. And he says he wants “hot action” tonight. That was alarming, but then Gargano realized Otis just meant a match. So Gargano accepted. Otis won a few months back, and though Gargano isn’t 100%, he- Judgment Day walks in and they can’t believe this is happening. Who’s Gargano ever beat?

Priest asks Byron if this is the level of superstar he’s interviewing now. Gargano says Byron is just tired of talking to “a bunch of adults going through a goth phase who can’t fight their own battles 1v1.” Oh, wow, goth~! Corny, but Gargano’s got stones. The last time Priest saw Gargano, he laid him out inside the Elimination Chamber. Priest is getting this urge to do it again now. Finn tells Priest to tranquilo, he’ll talk with Johnny. Finn tells Johnny that Otis is gonna flatten him like a pancake! And if by some miracle, Otis doesn’t cover Gargano in syrup and gobble him up, then trust Finn, he’ll finish the job himself.

“Sounds delicious. I’ll see you next week.” The Judgment Day heads out, will Johnny Wrestling climb mountains and conquer monsters on Monday Night Raw?

 

The Miz is here!

The Hollywood A-Lister is ready to host a Hollywood edition of MizTV, and he might just reveal what was in that golden envelope last week. We’ll see what’s what on the Road to WrestleMania, after the break.

Raw returns and Miz welcomes us back to the Most Must-See WWE Talk Show, and says we are on the Road to WrestleMania! Before he brings out his celebrity guest, he wants to talk about his “beautiful, gorgeous, sexy wife, Maryse,” and the anniversary gift she gave him last week. He did say he’d reveal what it said tonight, so he will. They’ve been married for nine years, Maryse is the gift that keeps on giving. She has given him two beautiful daughters, unconditional love and support, and this gift is life-changing! To help Miz announce this highlight worthy news, he wants to bring out a special guest.

This year’s host of WrestleMania, it’s… HIMSELF! Yes, he is tonight’s guest, he is the host of MizTV, and the host of WrestleMania 39! He’s gonna make this bigger than the Golden Globes, bigger than the Oscars! You thought Chris Rock getting slapped by Will Smith was big? Wait until you see what Miz has in store! But the thing that irks him is that his wife had to ask! Who else could host this monumental event? Logan Paul? Fans boo. Miz says it is WrestleMania Goes Hollywood, not WrestleMania Goes YouTube.

But nonetheless, this year, Miz will make WrestleMania viral, buzzworthy, and must-see with matches like Charlotte Flair VS Rhea Ripley! Asuka VS Bianca Belair! Cody Rhodes VS Roman Reigns! Miz has to say, he is so happy, there is nothing- “BURN IT DOWN!” Seth Rollins makes his way out to the ring! Miz is upset now as fans sing “OH~ OHH~ OHHH~!” Rollins gets a mic but Miz puts up his hand. “Do you know what this means? Do you know what this means?! When my hand goes up, your mouths go shut!” And what is Rollins doing here? This is MIZ’S moment! Everyone, shut up!!

Rollins laughs, and says Miz doesn’t need to get his panties in a bunch. Rollins is just here to congratulate him. He doesn’t wanna rain on Miz’s parade. Yeah, but the thing is, Rollins has been raining on Miz’s parade for the past three weeks! Well, Miz, two weeks ago, Rollins stomped him with the big red boots because Miz was being… a bit of a jerk. And last week, Rollins had to stomp him not once, not twice, but three times, because well, Miz was being a B-Hole. HEY! Miz is not a B person, he is an A! So then, he’s an A-Hole? NO!! That’s not what he meant! Hey, hey, Rollins didn’t say it, Miz did. But fans say it for them both.

Rollins promises he didn’t mean to ruin anything. He just has a favor to ask. Rollins has been trying to get a hold of Logan Paul. It’s been a little difficult, but since Miz taught Logan everything he knows, they’re friends, Miz is the host of WrestleMania and surely has Logan on speed dial, so Rollins was just thinking, they could give him a call. Miz says that’s all? Call Logan Paul? Yes! Get him on FaceTime or something! Let’s do it! Miz asks if the fans want that, too. Fans cheer and Rollins is fired up! But Miz says no. Miz is not gonna do anything Rollins wants for him, because Logan is Rollins’ problem, not Miz’s.

In fact, Miz is going to WrestleMania and not Rollins! Two nights! Miz is the A-Lister, the celebrity! Rollins is just a goofball in a stupid jacket! Rollins SUPERKICKS Miz! Fans sing again, “OH~, OHH~, OHHH~!” Rollins sees Miz’s phone, and he picks it up. Fans fire up and Rollins taps around. The phone won’t open, so Rollins scoots over to where Miz is out on the mat. Rollins holds Miz’s eyes open so he can open the phone! Rollins then gets chairs out of the way, gets a mic, and looks through the apps. Boop and… He’s calling Logan! Logan answers, thinking it’s The Miz. “HAHAHAHA! Surprise~! Sorry, LP, The Miz is a little out of commission.”

But Rollins is calling to ask about Logan about his baby brother, Jake. Is he okay after that fight? But here’s a proposition. We’re all sick of this cat ‘n’ mouse game, so maybe next week, Logan grows a pair, shows up on Raw, stands in the ring, and is face to face with Rollins! Logan likes the sound of that. Deal! Logan will love to see Rollins run his mouth when they’re face to face. Then it’s on, baby~! HAHAHA! Logan, one more thing. “Buh-bye, b*tch! HAHA!” Rollins hangs up, throws the phone down, and swaggers away. Until Miz crawls his way over. CURB STOMP!! Miz is down and fans fire up! Will Rollins’ ImPAULsive behavior get him what he wants?

 

Backstage interview with Damage CTRL.

Cathy Kelley brings up to Bayley, Dakota Kai & Iyo Sky that earlier tonight, Becky & Lita said they would walk out tonight the NEW tag team champions. How do they respond? Bayley is glad those two are confident, because the three of them have been all over Raw, SmackDown, the Premium Live Events, and all over the world proving to  phony teams like Becky & Lita that they have no chance. Kai & Sky are the greatest tag team of all time! But this is more than about titles. This is their story. This is their legacy! You go tell those idiots that. Bayley leads Kai & Sky away, and then in walks Austin Theory.

The Now says that Cathy just interviewed the WWE Women’s Tag Team Champions. They’re great champions. But we all know Theory is THE greatest champion in the WWE. And speaking of, Theory is shocked that he isn’t being talked about. His achievements, his accomplishments. But everyone talks about John Cena. Cena is going to return to Raw next week, but the thing is, fans just like the Hustle, Loyalty & Respect. Look at Theory! His hustle: The Elimination Chamber! He faced five of the best in WWE, he hustled and beat them all!

His loyalty: There ain’t nobody more loyal to this title than Theory! Theory had only 48 hours after that grueling Chamber match and defended the title. Who did he beat? The Hall of Famer, the Rated R Superstar, the man who has held every title possible, Edge! And Theory has hustle, loyalty, but respect? Oh, he’s got a lot of respect for John Cena. That is why next week, in Cena’s hometown of Boston, Theory will stare Cena in the face and give him all the respect he deserves. The only thing Theory asks is Cena gives him the same. Will The Now make another great champion of the past acknowledge him?

 

Bobby Lashley VS Elias!

The All Mighty answered The Drifter’s challenge last week and demolished him! But Elias wants another try, now that both men are ready. Will Lashley have to #WalkWithElias? Or will Elias not even be able to walk out of the arena?

Raw returns and Elias makes his entrance. The bell rings and Elias runs in to CLOBBER Lashley! Elias fires off hands, the ref counts, but Lashley blocks a stomp! Lashley CLUBS Elias, scoops him, and SLAMS him! Elias writhes, Lashley throws him up and out of the ring! Lashley then goes out after Elias while Rick Boogs is taking notes again. Lashley fireman’s carries, but Elias slips off! Elias throws Lashley into barriers, fireman’s carries, and FLAPJACKS him on barriers! Then the SYMPHO-KNEE! Elias eggs Lashley on, Boogs takes notes as fast as he can, and Elias gets in the ring with Lashley.

Elias aims from a corner, swings, but into a COMPLETE SHOT! Lashley then drags Elias up, runs, and SPEARS! But Lashley won’t end it there, and fans fire up! HURT LOCK!! Elias taps, Lashley wins!

Winner: Bobby Lashley, by submission

Boogs got notes, but it may have been another case of what not to do. Lashley gets a mic, and he says, “I’m not in a good mood right now. Because I owned Brock Lesnar at the Elimination Chamber. And instead of Brock tapping out to the Hurt Lock, he resorted to a low blow. So I won the match. But I wanted more. And for proving my dominance over Brock Lesnar, I get Bray Wyatt playing his little kid games. His little secret, who knocks at the door. I don’t play little kid games. Because I’m the All Mighty Bobby Lashley. So Bray Wyatt, keep my name outta your mouth. Or I will hurt you.” Lashley has issued an ultimatum, how will the Eater of Worlds respond?

Wait! Bray already has something! It’s a music video! “Now shake those hips! And let your backbone slip! Pull up your pants and do the Muscle Man Dance!” It’s a remix of the Muscle Man Dance, with clips of Lashley thrown in now! “Now wiggle your behind, erase your mind. Pull up your pants, and to the Muscle Man Dance!” Lashley is getting more and more annoyed with every passing second. Then Bray gets serious. “You. Should. Run!” Will Lashley run from Bray? Or will he run Bray over?

 

Chelsea Green visits Adam Pearce’s office.

She thinks he’s never been to Ottawa, Illinois, or else he’d know the SCUM in Ottawa, Illinois. She shows him her phone. How was she to know there was an Ottawa, Canada? Chelsea, aren’t you Canadian? And if she has it on her phone…! But then Mella walks in and asks what Pearce wanted. Well, he saw what she did to Asuka and Bianca and- Chelsea shouts that she’s still here! What is Pearce going to do about this? Pearce says he has a call to take, so he needs to get going. But if Mella wants to put her hands on Bianca, she can do it in a match next week. Okay! Pearce then leaves, Chelsea says Pearce is rude. But she loves Mella’s outfit. They get to know each other, is this a match made in migraines?

 

Otis w/ Maximum Male Models VS Johnny Gargano!

As promised, Maxxine, Maçé & Mansöôr accompany “Otīs” to the ring, and they are ready to watch him work! Will this prove Otis is WWE’s next top model? Or will Johnny Wrestling prove he’s ready for big things at WrestleMania?

Raw returns and Gargano makes his entrance. The bell rings and Otis runs in, but Gargano dodges to fire off boxing elbows. Otis shoves Gargano, Gargano ducks ‘n’ dodges and RAMS Otis! Otis rebounds for the WRECKER ELBOW! Maxxine loves it as Otis SPLASHES! Otis drags Gargano to the corner, and then Otis runs in to SPLASH! Gargano is dazed, Otis runs back in, but into BOOTS! Otis is dazed now, he runs but into an elbow! Gargano goes to another corner, Otis runs in, but Gargano POSTS him! Otis staggers, Gargano LARIATS! Otis stays up so Gargano LARIATS again! Gargano runs, but into a choke grip!

Gargano fights free, ROLLING ELBOWS, but Otis stays up! Otis scoops, Gargano slips off, and DROPKICKS! And DROPKICKA! Otis still stands, but Gargano ENZIGURIS! And SUPERKICKS! Otis tumbles out of the ring and to the feet of MMM. Otis then looks up and sees Maxxine. Maxxine says Otis should keep his hands up and focus. Otis turns around, Gargano PLANCHAS! Otis catches Gargano! And SLAMS him on the desk! Maxxine loves it as Otis goes back into the ring. Otis argues with the ref, Mace and Mansoor have Gargano! Mansoor prepares his fanny pack, but LUMIS GRABS MACE!!

Mansoor tries to save Mace, but Gargano SUPERKICKS him down! Maxxine panics, but then she and Gargano lock eyes. Otis gets mad, he leans over the ropes but Gargano GAMANGIRIS! APRON DDT! Gargano shoves Otis in, ONE FINAL BEAT!! Cover, Gargano wins!

Winner: Johnny Gargano, by pinfall

Lumis had Gargano’s back from the shadows, and that helped him seal the deal! But what about Otis’ modeling career? Did this loss just lose him a future with MMM?

 

Backstage interview with Paul Heyman.

Cathy hopes to get his thoughts on Cody’s announcement that he’ll be on SmackDown this Friday. Heyman says he loves it. “This is my favorite time of year, WrestleMania season. Where every single television show, the ante gets upped and upped and upped and upped, like this Friday night on SmackDown. The American Nightmare, Cody Rhodes, showing up to confront Roman-” What? Cathy interrupts because Cody didn’t explicitly say he was going there to confront Roman. He just said, “I’ll be there, too.” Well, Heyman feels rather disrespected being both interrupted and corrected on worldwide television.

“Let’s read between the lines what this really means. He’s gonna show up? Cody Rhodes is a Raw talent, and he’s gonna show up? No, he’s going to invade Friday Night SmackDown. Cody Rhodes is going to crash the gates of the Island of Relevancy. Let’s up the ante. This Friday night, live on SmackDown, Cody Rhodes will confront Roman Reigns… Or this Friday night, live on SmackDown, Cody Rhodes will be confronted by the Tribal Chief, the Head of the Table, the Undisputed WWE Universal Heavyweight Champion, Roman… Reigns.” Heyman grins and leaves, but which way will the story go on SmackDown?

 

WWE Women’s Tag Team Championships: Damage CTRL w/ Bayley VS Becky Lynch & Lita!

To the Role Model’s point, #CobraKai and the Evil Genius have held onto these titles for the longest time. But to The Man’s point, that’s because they hardly ever defend the titles! Bayley backed her own team into a corner, will Kai & Sky be able to fight out of it? Or will there be some Big Time new champions going into WrestleMania?

Raw returns as DMG CTRL make their entrance. The introductions are made, the belts are raised, and we see if these teams get extreme!

The teams sort out, Sky and Becky start, and they circle. They tie up, Becky headlocks, but Sky throws body shots. Sky powers out, Becky runs her over! Becky flexes, fans fire up, and Becky wrenches to YANK Sky’s arm. Becky brings Sky around, but Sky breaks free before the tag. Sky tags Kai, Becky tags Lita, and fans fire up again! Kai and Lita tie up, Lita headlocks, but Kai powers out. Lita runs Kai over and fans rally, “Let’s Go, Lita!” Lita has the facelock but Kai powers out of the Twist! Tag to Sky, and Sky runs up, but into a kick! Tag to Becky, she and Lita double suplex! Cover, ONE!

Becky brings Sky back up, tags Lita back in, and they double whip Sky to double hip toss! Kai runs in, but also into a double hip toss! Kai and Sky are in opposite corners, Becky and Lita run in to SPLASH them both! Lita feeds Sky to Becky to send into Kai! Then Becky sets up, and fans fire up, POETRY IN MOTION! Lita then climbs up while Becky holds Kai, and they both rain down punches! Fans count along, all the way to TEN! Lita snapmares Sky down, climbs up, but Sky bails out! Lita tags Becky, and she CANNONBALLS! Down go Kai AND Sky, fans fire up for Becky and Lita as Raw goes to break.

Raw returns again and Becky throws Kai into Sky! Then Becky fires off on Kai in the ropes! Kai is stuck, Becky goes up, GUILLOTINE LEG DROP! Becky just gets enough of Kai, but Sky runs in! Becky turns her around, gets Kai, too, DOUBLE DDT COMBO! Cover on Kai, TWO! Bayley is relieved, but Becky paces around Kai. Becky brings Kai up, Kai whips her away, but Becky BOOTS back! Becky reels Kai in, DIAMOND DUST! Cover, TWO! But into the DISARM-HER! Fans rally but Kai endures! Kai reaches out, fights, and Sky runs in to SHOTGUN Becky! Becky bails out, Lita hurries over. Bayley backs off, but Sky grabs Lita!

Sky SMACKS Lita off the desk! Kai tags Sky, and she ASAI MOONSAULTS Becky! Bayley is fired up for her team while the ring count climbs. Sky puts Becky in, covers, TWO! DMG CTRL is still annoyed, but Sky wraps Becky in a straitjacket stretch. Fans rally while Becky endures. Becky fights up, arm-drags free, but Sky DROPKICKS her down! Tag to Kai, she and Sky get Becky up to double whip. They kick, trip, and AX KICK, into the DROPKICK! Cover, TWO! Becky is still in this and DMG CTRL is further frustrated. Kai keeps Becky back with a facelock but Becky fights her way forward!

Becky reaches out, but Kai shoves her away! SCORPION KICK! Kai covers, TWO! Kai says THEY are the champions, and she keeps Becky from Lita. Becky throws shots, Kai holds on, then Kai whips Becky into the corner! Kai runs in, Becky elbows her! Becky DECKS Sky, but DOUBLE LARIATS take her and Kai down! Fans fire up while both women crawl, but Bayley throws a belt into the ring! The ref reprimands, gets the belt out of the ring, but Bayley uses that distraction to trip Lita! Fans boo but Kai tags Sky! And Sky SHOTEIS Becky! Ski & Kai both single leg lift, for the DMG PLEX! Cover, TWO!!?

Becky survives and shocks DMG CTRL! And wait! TRISH STRATUS!? Trish is here to hep her rival and best friend Lita, by TACKLING Bayley! And then she DECKS her! Trish runs around the way to help Lita up and fans fire up. Sky tags Kai, but Becky JAWBREAKERS! Tag to Lita and she runs in to rally on Sky! Lita whips, Sky reverses, Lita tilt-o-whirls to throw Sky! Sky comes back, waistlocks, but Lita hits VERTIGO! Cover, TWO!! Lita goes up top, but Sky drags her down! Sky throws Lita away, goes up top now, OVER THE MOON- FLOP!! Lita gets Sky with the facelock! TWIST OF FATE!! And now Lita goes up top again!

But Bayley scurries back up! Trish YANKS Bayley down! CHICK KICK!! But now Kai runs in! Becky YANKS Kai down, and has a DISARM-HER on the apron! Lita finally has a clear path, for her MOONSAULT!! Cover, LITA & BECKY WIN!!!

Winners: Becky Lynch & Lita, by pinfall

Fans are thunderous, and Trish gets to celebrate with Lita and The Man! And the pyro makes it official, history has been made! WrestleMania 39 is already going Hollywood, but will it hit the Big Time now?


My Thoughts:

A really good Raw, and I’m a bit surprised there was no picture in picture tonight. Does that mean they didn’t see this week’s Raw as big as last week’s which did have PIP? Weird, given that great main event. I expected Trish would help, given how this story has been going, but I did not think they’d pull the trigger and give Becky & Lita the belts. At the same time, title changes happening on TV is what RawDown really needs to get people paying attention again. It gives fans who go to these shows a reason to be excited and gets buzz going. But now it gives Raw a clear contender for what I still feel/hope will be a Fatal 4 Way. Becky & Lita VS DMG CTRL VS Ronda & Shayna VS an NXT team who might already be on their way out, like Kayden Carter & Katana Chance.

Great stuff to open the show, like Jimmy’s promo, the Profits’ promo, and the match of Profits VS Jimmy & Solo. Jimmy & Solo winning does hurt the Profits a bit, but it was great for Kevin Owens to get after Jimmy & Solo. Kevin says he doesn’t need or want help, aka work with Sami, but he was wearing a hoodie as he ambushed them, much like Sami. So again, whether Kevin admits it or not, he and Sami are going to be reunited through fighting The Bloodline. Also, great consistency of having Kevin showing up interrupting Baron Corbin’s interview. Surprisingly, it felt like Corbin was going to open up about his feelings for once. But chances are he’ll fight Kevin like he has Cody and Sami, and lose to give Kevin some momentum.

Cody had a really good match with Gable, but of course the presence, or at least the thought of Maxxine Dupri, distracted Otis. Even so, Cody was still gonna beat Gable. Cody promising to show up on SmackDown and Heyman’s response was good stuff, too, and we’re going to get some good stuff on Friday. Otis then having MMM with him for his match with Gargano was good stuff. Mace & Mansoor continue to really sell being just the most eccentric people, and I would think we’re going to see Lumis & Gargano VS Mace & Mansoor after that confrontation at ringside. And I’m sure Gable will be a bit upset that Otis left the trainer’s room just to hang out with Maxxine.

Candice VS Piper was decent, but I didn’t think Nikki would inadvertently help Candice, I thought she was going to inadvertently cost her. Asuka VS Mella was really good stuff, and naturally Asuka won to keep her momentum going. Good promo from Bianca, but of course Mella gets after her, too. Mella VS Bianca will be good stuff, but I think Mella loses again to give Bianca momentum. Chelsea Green continues to be annoying but also really funny with this persona, and I’m surprised Pearce hasn’t exploded. Chelsea interacting with Mella in a friendly way makes me wonder if they’ll end up a tag team of their own.

Really good group promo from Judgment Day to call out everyone they’re feuding with, and of course Dom is going back to SmackDown with Rhea. Finn challenging Edge was the logical next step, it all felt like it was going this way, but I also do like that Finn wants a piece of Gargano. If Judgment Day moves to SmackDown after Mania, this could be the only opportunity for Gargano VS Finn to happen on Raw. And great segment from Lesnar and MVP to make Lesnar VS Omos official. Lesnar showing up first is a great example of Lesnar just doing what he wants, regardless of being Face or Heel. But facing Lesnar is going to be a real test for Omos. He is so big and tall, I don’t think he’ll be able to take any German Suplexes. The F5 is a different matter, since he can fall safer from that than the suplexes.

Lashley VS Elias was only a step more competitive than when Lashley just demolished Elias last week. I do like that Boogs continues to take notes. I hope he reads some for us at some point, just so he can inadvertently make fun of Elias by reading off everything not to do. And just as I was hoping Bray would have an immediate response ready to Lashley’s promo, we get the Muscle Man Dance 2023 remix. It could’ve been goofier in regards to poking fun at Lashley, but Lashley still sold being pissed off perfectly. Lashley says these are “little kid games” but I think he’s going to find out Bray can be a lot creepier than that.

And of course, The Miz shared his big news for Mania. When he said “celebrity,” I did expect him to have someone else, maybe someone in Hollywood the WWE has worked with before. But I should’ve known, it was making Miz the host of Mania since he’s technically someone in Hollywood. Rollins showing up makes sense, too, as he somehow has to get Logan Paul to show up again. Rollins getting into Miz’s phone was cheesy because of the sound effects, but it was still kinda funny. Rollins calling out Logan was good stuff, and we’ll get a good face-to-face next week to officially set up their Mania match. And that will be awesome stuff because love him or hate him, Logan Paul can pro-wrestle.

My Score: 8.7/10


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Mitchell’s ROH Death Before Dishonor Results & Report! (7/26/24)

YEEHAW!

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The word of the day is, “Gold!”

ROH brings Death Before Dishonor to Texas, and makes it bigger than ever! SIX championship matches, how drastically will the landscape change?

OFFICIAL RESULTS

  • Zero Hour – MXM Collection VS Spanish Announce Project; wins.
  • Komander VS The Beast Mortos; wins.
  • Texas Deathmatch: Leyla Hirsch VS Diamante; wins.
  • ROH World Six Man Tag Team Championship Qualifier: Dustin Rhodes & The Von Erichs VS The Dark Order; wins and advances to Battle of the Belts 11.
  • ROH World Tag Team Championships: The Kingdom VS Tomohiro Ishii & Kyle O’Reilly; win(s) and
  • ROH World Television Championship Survival of the Fittest: Atlantis Jr. VS Lio Rush VS Shane Taylor VS Johnny TV VS Lee Johnson VS Brian Cage; wins and
  • ROH Pure Championship: Wheeler Yuta VS Lee Moriarty; wins and
  • ROH Women’s World Television Championship: Billie Starkz VS Red Velvet; wins and
  • ROH Women’s World Championship: Athena VS Queen Aminata; wins and
  • ROH World Championship: Mark Briscoe VS Roderick Strong; wins and

PLAY BY PLAY

[Due to scheduling conflicts, coverage will be on delay]


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Andrew’s TNA iMPACT! Results & Match Ratings: 7.25.2024

Slammiversary Fallout! Where do things go on the way to Victory Road?

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Well now we start the fall out of Slammiversary. Josh Alexander in his bad bitch summer, X-Speedball legacy, ABC got the t-a-g and Jordynne is still in charge of the Knockouts division. Like I said at the end of Slammiversary, all of the champions being Babyfaces is stupid. They need to drop a couple titles fairly quickly, because I don’t care what some people say, Nic Nemeth ain’t gonna bring any eyes to the brand. He’s about as hot as day old Hamburger Helper over a camping sterno.

We’ll probably open with the luke warm champion, so tune in like 10 minutes late for anything of substance to be happen.

https://x.com/i/status/1816629254349533588

Ratings:

  • Steve Maclin vs Cody Deaner: Maclin wins via KIA – *
  • AJ Francis w/Rich Swann & Josh Bishop vs Sami Callihan: AJ wins via Down Payment – **
  • Hammer Your ASH (ASH by Elegance & Alexander Hammerstone) vs JuggerYoung (Jordynne Grace & Eric Young): Hammer Your ASH wins via Torture Rack – ** 1/2
  • The System (Eddie Edwards, Brian Myers & JDC) w/Alisha Edwards vs Matt Hardy & The ABC (Ace Austin & Chris Bey): Broken Alphabet wins via Twist & Splash – ***

 

Results:

Nemeth gives the ole “I’ll be a fighting champion…blah blah” promo and drops the “any company” line that we’ve already understood what that means. Campaign Singh cuts him off…and I never thought I’d be happy for Campaign Singh to walk out and say anything…ever. And…Mustafa’s promo is worse than Dolph’s. He’s gone from parody to caricature even saying “it was the biggest screw job Montreal ever saw”. Like some of these lines are cheap heat, but most are just brain dead comments that wouldn’t get a reaction out of anyone (and the crowd was silent for that comment). Mustafa gets caught in an Archer “phrasing” moment about getting screwed hard, but this is painful. Promos written by 14 year olds everyone…

This ends with Ali challenging Nemeth for the World Title. While I’m not against walk up challenges, I watch Japanese wrestling, I don’t really get the point aside from doing it just to do it. 

ABC and Matt Hardy have a small promo, and I’m still not really a fan of Unbroken Matt Version 6.0. The floating between Broken voice and his normal voice sounds amateurish.

OH LOOK, finally a match 20 minutes into the show. And it’s my son Steve Maclin! OH CHRIST he’s facing Deaner. This has been 25 minutes of talking followed by the worst god damn attempt at a gimmick. Deaner’s little “Papa Santino told me I can wipe my ass only if the crowd agrees”. This gimmick should die in a fire.

Steve Maclin vs Cody Deaner

Deaner started off quick because Maclin was in disbelief that Deaner was actually gonna fight him. Maclin dodges a Crossbody, Busaiku Knee, and just starts beating on Deaner for fun. And this is fun, maybe Maclin can make sure Deaner gets stretchered out and written off forever. How do you call for an ambulance in French? Maclin with the old Back Breaker into a stretch. Deaner tries to nerd rage up, breaks the Back Breaker Stretch, his punch combo, into a Manhattan Drop and Bulldog. Deaner hits the Crossbody, but Maclin kicks out. This is entirely too competitive.

Deaner goes for the Deaner DDT, blocked, Olympic Slam into Splashing Deaner into the corner, Caught in the Crosshairs, K-I-A, thanks for coming you damn dweeb. Stay in Canada and don’t travel Deaner, please.

https://x.com/i/status/1816633784537874761

AJ Francis w/Rich Swann & Josh Bishop vs Sami Callihan

As the bell sounds, Sami knocks Rich off the apron, Low Bridges AJ, does the Beats of the Bodhran on AJ and then AJ eats the offense and strategizes with his crew. Bishop and Rich swarm the ring, Sami allows himself to get distracted so AJ slides in and starts beating on Sami. AJ throats Sami across the middle rope and Rich makes his presence felt, AJ distracts the referee and Rich gets in a lot of cheap shots. Bishop throws Sami back in the ring, and AJ keeps up the pressure. Lots of 5 count chokes and leverage moves. After the commercial break ends, Sami dodges a Tennessee Whiskey Knee, gets in a few shots before Rich trips Sami as he’s setting up a Dive, and then AJ takes advantage of the position and hits the goofball knee strike.

AJ calls for his Chokeslam, Sami tries to break it with Axe Handles, then claws the eyes. Sami goes for a Scoop Slam, gets him part way up and then falls over. AJ Chokeslam again, but he bites his hand and starts fighting back. Launches himself at AJ, sends him bouncing off the ropes and uses the momentum to hit that Scoop Slam that was teased earlier. Sami goes for a Western Lariat but eats a Big Boot. AJ does a little Hulk Hogan pose to signal a Leg Drop, but Sami dodges and then connects on a Sliding Lariat. Thumbs Up, Thumbs….interference. Rich distracts the ref, Bishop lays out Sami, AJ connects with the Down Payment.

Hammer Your ASH (ASH by Elegance & Alexander Hammerstone) vs JuggerYoung (Jordynne Grace & Eric Young)

ASH and Jordynne exchange slaps and then Jordynne starts to out muscle ASH. Spinebuster from Jordynne, Juggernaut Driver attempt, but ASH fights off, rope run, Sattelite DDT into both tagging out. EY does the Flair corner flop, slides back in between Hammer’s legs, and connects on a Neckbreaker. EY is the quicker of the two, but Hammer finally gets his hands on him and a Release Belly to Belly into a full mount raining of fists, then a near fall. Hammer smashes EY in a corner, Arm Wringer into an Irish Whip across, but EY moves and Hammer tags out to ASH. ASH levels Jordynne, peppers EY with a few shots and pulls him back to their corner and starts some tandem offense with Hammerman. Hammer Guerilla Presses ASH and throws her into EY for a near fall. Hammer looks to aim for either a Powerbomb or Nightmare Pendulum, but EY drops it into a Small Package, pinfall kick out, they both run, Double Lariat spot. The Knockouts get tagged in.

Jordynne is in control early, World’s Strongest Slam into a Vader Bomb. Juggernaut Driver attempt, but ASH fights it off and tags out to Hammer. Jordynne and EY do some schoolyard stuff with the old Push while Jordynne is down to trip Hammer. All four get in, ASH gets leveled, EY gets leveled, Hammer and Jordynne have a brief face off, but Hammer throws Jordynne to the apron and ASH connects with a Meteora from the apron. Death Valley Driver from Young on Hammer, ASH stares in shock, EY tells her to get, ASH runs away. EY goes up for his Macho Elbow, and ASH causes him to fall to Hammer’s feet, Torture Rack, and EY submits.

Josh Alexander comes out, with new heel music. And it’s not that bad, definitely better than some other people’s new music. Josh yells at the crowd a bit, says he can’t wait til he’s back in a real Canadian town, like his home of Toronto. Then he drops the mic in lieu of an explanation. The crowd chants him off with the “Nah Nah Nah Nah, Hey Hey Hey”. 

https://x.com/i/status/1816647373654724937

The System (Eddie Edwards, Brian Myers & JDC) w/Alisha Edwards vs Matt Hardy & The ABC (Ace Austin & Chris Bey)

JDC and Hardy start, but JDC quickly tags out to Myers and that doesn’t go well. Hardy grabs a hold of Myers, a few Delete chops, drags him to his corner and they all get in a few shots punctuated with Hardy getting tagged back in and an Elbow into Myers’ extended and worked on left arm. Myers stays isolated, back into the corner, Boot to the gut, Ace tags in and wallops Myers. Ace connects on Double Kicks, into Russian Leg Sweep and his half of Click Click Boom, for a 2 count. Myers finally gets free with a Jaw Breaker and tags out to Eddie. But The System gets no momentum, Ace stifles Eddie’s offense and starts a few quick tags with him and Bey for tandem offense. Moose finally comes down the ramp as Eddie kicked out of yet another pinfall attempt because The System has had nothing going for them. Eddie finally gets some offense since Moose was a big enough distraction.

Eddie thinks they have a spot, so he tags back in JDC, but The ABC stop him cold, tag in Matt Hardy, and Matt walks down JDC, but JDC Low Bridges. Matt is on the outside, so all of The System surrounds Hardy, then Joe Hendry’s music hits! That stops the heel beatdown, and we follow Hendry’s entire entrance. So that proves Hendry is bigger than the 8 other people in this frame. Not really sure if that’s optics you want to push along. Ace and JDC try to remind people there’s wrestling going on, but JDC thumbs the eye to get a little something going. Vertical Suplex for a near fall, tag out for Eddie and Eddie lights up Ace with some of those NOAH Chops. Ace retreats to the ropes and Alisha chokes him with the ropes while the ref is distracted.

Myers gets tagged in, Ace tries to use the crowd energy, Myers stops it at first but then Ace slips a Scoop Slam and tags out to Bey. Hot tag, strike rush, Double Stomp, educated feet, Leap Frog to the corner but Lish climbs on the apron and yells at Bey which stops his rhythm. Myers kicks his feet out and causes Bey to crash. Eddie tags in for a few shots, then to JDC and Slingshot Knees, Wringer Snapmare, Bow and Arrow Submission, and JDC is just doing solid wrestling work right now. Uppercut between the Shoulder Blades as Bey tries to get out, tag to Myers and Bey is still eating offense. Eddie tags in, Bey tries the Sunset Flip, but Eddie tags out before going over, so Myers folds up Bey for a near fall and then tags out to JDC who connects on a Standing Suplex, slams Bey’s face into the corner, Eddie tags in, and Bey finally fights up to his feet, Eddie just flatten Bey’s comeback, tries a Tiger Driver but eats an Enzuigiri for a simultaneous tag. JDC and Hardy come in, JDC tries to exit halfway in, but Hardy is wrecking shop. He disposes of Eddie, Myers slides in but eats a tandem Neckbreaker/DDT from Hardy. Face team does the Delete Corner Face Smashes. Poetry in Motion into a Side Effect into Corkscrew Swanton for only 2 since Myers breaks it up! Everyone throwing hands, referee is distracted, Moose comes in to Spear Hardy, but Hardy dodges and throws him into JDC (I get the call back), Hendry then lays out Moose with the big Lariat. Twist of Fate from Hardy, Splash from Bey, Broken Alphabet wins!

 

Overall Score: 4/10

Ugh, cliche promos, too damn much talking, a competitive squash match with an imbecile as our first “match”, into an overbooked and slow heel match, finally a decent tag match (with the right team going over), into another overbooked match with a “tease” for the mystery backup being more obvious than Jericho’s WWF debut.

Aside from the afore mentioned tag match, The Rascalz promo and The System Promo; this was hard to watch. A lot of cornball promos, Rosemary licks her conspiracy board, storylines got zero traction. Whoopity Doo, Ryan Nemeth got a match next week and we get an undead wedding.

While this was a bad episode, it was bad by at least new standards. We’re not back in the TNA Dark Days again, but this was…a useless show.


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