Cheap Shots
Impact Quickie #7
Cheap Shots are unfiltered, uncensored opinions, and those opinions reflect only the author!

The boys and I are fully charged and ready as the feed comes in from Orlando. There is a bit of everything this week. Your author may need a shrink’s couch by the time he’s done here. Until then, let’s have a good time. This week’s Impact Wrestling starts with Eli Drake headed to the ring holding his Tag Team Championship in one hand and the remaining briefcase in the other. He says that Scott Steiner is off this week taking steroids and getting taken care of. While cutting his typical heel promo and making fun of The World Champion’s catch phrase, The Self-Induced Hyphen flat out tells everyone when he will cash in his opportunity for The Impact World Championship. His chance will come next week. This impending challenge brings Pentagon Jr. to the ring. The proud representative of Lucha Underground hasn’t said much in The States. He doesn’t need to: “Cero Miedo!” LET’S GO!
It felt like three promos were sandwiched together strangely. The first of these just needed a single camera shot with no sound to elicit a simultaneous one-word scream from the robots, “WHY?” Hold on you two, it gets worse from here. No need to fry your circuits early. Their guttural reaction came from seeing Joseph Park back with his stupid lawyer gimmick talking to the only guy who has been presented as more helpless than him in Impact Wrestling history. There is a reason I’m being gender-specific here. You’ll find out what that is later. Meanwhile, someone in Orlando decided to bring Grado back. Although, he says that he is married now. When Park asks him to produce a photo of his wife, he is unable. PC Little Dragon’s request is simple: “They better bring a decent Knockout in to make this watchable.” I agree.
Cut to Moose being interviewed backstage. He is asked to reinforce his stance on being called “Mr. Impact Wrestling.” As expected, he relates it back to being in The NFL and says he must live up to his promise made when the calendar flipped to 2018. What’s not expected? Jimmy Jacobs saunters up to the mic, asking why Moose would want “Impact” in his name since the last performer with that distinction was destroyed by his Giant Stutter. Unafraid of competition, Moose picks up The Dragged-Out Disco by his jacket, telling The New Monster to bring his big ass next week! This could be FUN!
Don’t worry, the next segment led to something in the ring. Even though it wouldn’t start there. We find one of our newest Knockouts cutting a promo saying her Redemption might be late, but it is still coming. Unfortunately, Kiera Hogan is interrupted. Despite the rumors, we didn’t recognize the intruder until she was a good bit through her unrequested introduction. She mentioned something about being “A Total Package.” Was it really HER? YES MA’AM! This is the second authentic “Horse Woman” in a major promotion in the US. This is Tessa Blanchard! “Tessa, I think your Daddy would tell you not to borrow anything from Luger!” AI Hercules said. Hogan’s rematch with Taya Valkyrie was thrown out when Tully’s Daughter jumped in the ring to make a physical statement. She is no rookie. She is in great shape, and she is HERE!
We need to come down from that. How do we do it? With OVE taking on the strange pairing of KM & Fallah Bahh. The Ohio Funhouse was without their backup. Quick aside: Sami Callahan is still out of commission. Tommy Dreamer was seen bailing Eddie Edwards out of jail while attempting to counsel him in a later video. Little Dragon asks: “Can they just end this storyline already?” Laughing, I shake my head and tell him this is wrestling, and they will probably drag it out another month. Back to the tag match. The Odd Couple had early success throwing their weight around, but the twosome lost when Fallah missed a corner splash and got rolled up with a schoolboy for the pin.
Next, they go from tape to tape. First, a quick refresher on the unique everything that is Brian Cage. Then, Impact ships us to Australia. Why not? The Machine has a showcase match Down Under. He is in there with FOUR dudes! AI Hercules smirks: “Who are these glorified dumb bells?” Don Callis; who is quickly growing on me, said that athletes like Cage use matches like this to test themselves and get a workout. After having his fun, Cage destroys an opponent with his spinning lariat and driver. Both maneuvers have the word “Claw” in their description. Callis actually called his lariat “The Tornado Claw.” YES SIR! If I didn’t know better, I’d say there is a young performer who respects history! Indulge me a moment. If my readers could send prayers out to The Islands, they would be appreciated. There was a massive earthquake in Hawaii recently. Kevin Von Erich and his family live out there. Please send positive vibes Aloha Way. The Islands need them, Thanks!
Back to programming. Please forgive us, Sometimes, neither me or my robot friends know how to describe Cruiserweight/X Division matches. Don’t misunderstand us; Impact does a MUCH better job presenting these athletes than New York, and we love watching them. Little Dragon has a question though: “What hurts? I don’t wanna sound like Cornette, but it does come across like a spot fest with six guys dancing…Rosa might kill me for saying that. But her stuff LOOKS like it hurts!” Seriously, there were three memorable spots in the 6-Man Lucha Rules Match, and two of them were gymnastics. The other was A Rockersesque Flying Double Dropkick that WASN’T the finish! Looked great, sounded better. Keep going?? Ishimori took his shot at X Division Gold so seriously that he is now in Japan as a member of The Bullet Club. It’s beautiful to watch, but the logic is maddening. Can someone get me off the couch?
Better yet, I’ll just stay here and unplug the robots for the final segment, WATCH THIS! Su Yung is not a wrestler. She is portrayed as a weightlifting mime with mind control over six girls. She has ONE MOVE plus red mist and asks to be taken seriously? Get off the PCP and come down here young lady. Once again, I’m aware that I am not the measuring stick. That’s not the point. Mark Calloway kicks ass and does not appear helpless alone. She is NOT The Female Undertaker. It is not the mist either. The Great Muta could kick asses around the world for decades. So can Rosemary herself. No one laughs at her mist. All the indie sheep in the world screaming your name, singing your praises FOR THIS?? Pardon me, if six girls do 75% of your work, why is Impact paying you? What reason is there to suspend our disbelief? Your makeup? A wrestling ring? Sorry, no one believes that a walking B movie buried a top draw. You didn’t bury anybody. If the goal is to bring new fans in and not have outsiders laugh at us for loving professional wrestling, then you fail. Impact brought you in as a human hotshot, and they suck for doing so. They did succeed in one thing though. I finally have a good reason to respect Joey Ryan. Come on sheep, I’ll move Mt. Everest everyday over this one! Whatcha got? I sincerely hope the robots and I don’t throw up over next week’s episode of Impact. We can make no promises.
Chairshot Radio Network
Launched in 2017, the Chairshot Radio Network presents you with the best in sports, entertainment, and sports entertainment. Wrestling and wrestling crossover podcasts + the most interesting content + the most engaging hosts = the most entertaining podcasts you’ll find!
MONDAY - Bandwagon Nerds (entertainment & popular culture)
TUESDAY - 4 Corners Podcast (sports)
WEDNESDAY - The Greg DeMarco Show (wrestling)
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SATURDAY - The Mindless Wrestling Podcast
SUNDAY - 30 Mindless Minutes
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Attitude Of Aggression Podcast: The Big Five Project (chronologically exploring WWE's PPV/PLE history) Unidentified History (Ufology) & Game Gone Wrong (Game of Thrones Universe)
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Cheap Shots
MadMan: She’s Handing Out Blues Better Than A Namesake Will
Madman decided to follow his blue dragon back towards the titans! Let’s see what black magic he weaves in this edition.
Madman decided to follow his blue dragon back towards the titans! Let’s see what black magic he weaves in this edition.
I may not be in regular rotation, but when they give me a chair, I swing for my fences. As a decades-long consumer of the art, I don’t have many left. The only Home Runs WWE has placed within my scope, can be found in Women’s Division on both Monday Night Raw & SmackDown Live.
The year I began watching wrestling, some very interesting circumstances took place surrounding cable television. WTBS; (Atlanta), WAS the home of The NWA’s Jim Crockett Promotions. At least until “Black Saturday,” which ultimately saw Vinnie Jr. Hijack the famous 6:05 time slot. This nearly cause riots among cable viewers opposed to McMahon’s product and presentation.
Though the million dollar ransom The Crocketts paid to get their flagship spot back on the dial gave the head of Titan Sports the backbone to finance WrestleMania, which helped to wreck most of the territories. Hell, it can be argued somewhat convincingly upon its 30th Anniversary, Vince himself ruined his biggest display’s pristine intentions for two consecutive years with Lesnar beating the streak instead of Bray Wyatt; and, Sting losing his ONLY Mania match because someone else had the right bride on their marriage license.
Despite the objections of both smarks and sheep in certain cases, we must respect the history of this pop culture institution. IF WrestleMania is Woodstock, it is only appropriate that Tito Santana opened the show with a victory!
In recent years, there has been only one person on The Main Roster who has matched the swag of Santana’s initial accomplishment without even trying, and she wrestled in the last Mania Match I cared about. Finally got tired of giving fans The Blues. She’s ready to deal some out in the form of steel chairs and God knows what else.
“Cut Her talent LOOSE!” We kept screaming. “A REAL run with Gold, PLEASE?” Like a kid aching just before Christmas. As with Solis, she was a true pro, until the strangest thing I’ve ever seen in the modern art form washed over us.
Fans and insiders alike FORGOT about Social Media! Don’t get me wrong, it’s still here. Can’t get away from it. Hell, I’m doing a roll-in on the internet right now! If you’ve been fans of us long enough, you’ll realize that last sentence was not a botch! Seriously, this thing felt like the territories back in the day. No one knew a damn thing! Even some of those paid to know were flipping a coin every five minutes. Thanks for the constant stress, you ancient prick!
Come on folks. If you know my current wrestling HEART at all, you KNEW the last Chair Shot on her return was coming from her Super Mark in Middle America! When older dudes at this circus describe what true fandom is like; they’ll often say: “That’s bulls***, that’s bulls***, that’s bulls***, BUT THAT’S REAL!”
For her boatloads of fans and the woman herself, Christmas is here! The Stamford’s latest Blues enthusiast is very real, And WWE’s Black Magic Woman IS BACK! Line ’em up. they’re all falling. Charlotte & Ronda too. To The Man and those in charge of her Twitter Account, thanks for keeping the possibility top of mind when things first got weird. We never gave up, but you will! MISSED YOU LADY BANKS!
Chairshot Radio Network
Launched in 2017, the Chairshot Radio Network presents you with the best in sports, entertainment, and sports entertainment. Wrestling and wrestling crossover podcasts + the most interesting content + the most engaging hosts = the most entertaining podcasts you’ll find!
MONDAY - Bandwagon Nerds (entertainment & popular culture)
TUESDAY - 4 Corners Podcast (sports)
WEDNESDAY - The Greg DeMarco Show (wrestling)
THURSDAY - Nefarious Means
FRIDAY - DWI Podcast (Drunk Wrestling Intellect)
SATURDAY - The Mindless Wrestling Podcast
SUNDAY - 30 Mindless Minutes
CHAIRSHOT RADIO NETWORK PODCAST SPECIALS
Attitude Of Aggression Podcast: The Big Five Project (chronologically exploring WWE's PPV/PLE history) Unidentified History (Ufology) & Game Gone Wrong (Game of Thrones Universe)
Chairshot Radio Network Your home for the hardest hitting podcasts... Sports, Entertainment and Sports Entertainment!
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Let us know what you think on social media @ChairshotMedia and always remember to use the hashtag #UseYourHead!
Ronda Rousey dominates headlines on the Road To WrestlMania, making her the perfect example for Rob to use for Wrestling Newz!
This is a continuation of what I started on last week in regards to wrestling media. You might want to, in fact you should, go check that out first. But instead of just hitting the media at large it’s time to drill down a bit and see how some of this stuff takes shape. These stories don’t get clicked on and believed by so many people just out of whole cloth, they take weeks and months and sometimes years of narratives being laid down first in order to make the premise believable in the first place.
Remember, the three rules for publishing NEWZ stories:
- It’s plausible (translation: circumstances exist that make it possible, and it confirms an existing opinion)
- Can you walk it back easy if it ends up false (‘plans changed’)
- Will people click on it? (if #1 is a yes, and the names are big enough then this is a yes, too)
A quick example that I mentioned previously was the ‘Lacey Evans getting a top level push after Ronda Rousey leaves’ story. The story itself ended up just being Meltzer giving his opinion and not even leaked info from a source, but it relied on a long standing narrative about the WWE creative team, particularly Vince’s preferences. Lacey is blond, and it’s been a long held belief that Vince loves his blond women so there you go (that’s not false, but there are some layers and nuances to it that we never get into). Also, the way Lacey portrays her character (super conservative and a throwback to the Mad Men era) on social media irritates a lot of so called smart fans, which supposedly is something Vince loves doing. That’s it. Seriously, the plausibility of the story all lies in Lacey being blond, evoking thoughts of every blond woman Vince has pushed from Trish Stratus to Charlotte Flair and Alexa Bliss, and because she pisses off a section of Wrestling Twitter so Vince might do it just to get to us. There is literally no other there there.
Now not all NEWZ stories end up false but even when they’re true the intent wasn’t to inform you, it was to get you to click on the link and share it (Hate shares count as much for the click numbers as love shares, btw. Don’t help people whose work you hate by sharing it.)
Which brings us to the real subject of this piece: Ronda Rousey’s speculated departure from WWE after WrestleMania. It has become almost gospel truth that Ronda is gone after the biggest show of the year, maybe for good, because she wants to start a family (and now also because she can’t hack it in the world of wrestling). Meltzer has weighed in and there are multiple pieces that simply copied and pasted or transcribed his words along with dubious headlines. Now before you say ‘yeah, she is leaving’ ask yourself where you got the idea from. Was it from someone stating it as fact, just giving their opinion, or one of those ‘WWE is preparing for the possibility that Ronda might leave’ stories? And how did so many of us end up thinking so quickly and strongly that come the Monday after WrestleMania 35 she’s outta here? The story was built on a few blocks and because a big house of confirmation bias. Here they are:
Ronda Rousey is an outsider who doesn’t really want to be here anyway
This essentially comes from Ronda being an MMA legend, which invokes bad thoughts of Brock Lesnar his big paycheck/small schedule agreement. That’s it. Ronda left MMA after losing and didn’t do much afterwards, and she’s made a ton of money already, so this clearly has to just be a big score…..right? She didn’t toil in the indies, didn’t even do a stint in NXT, and since she wasn’t willing to pay her dues (that sound you just heard was me throwing up) it’s obvious that she doesn’t really care for it………sure, buddy, whatever you think. Nevermind all the evidence we’ve seen to the contrary.
Rebecca Quin, I don’t care what the script says, I’m beating the living shit out of you the next time I see you.
— Ronda Rousey (@RondaRousey) February 28, 2019
Ronda Rousey can’t handle the road
A video clip surfaced a few months back of Ronda lamenting life on the road in the WWE. Now it probably isn’t much different from what many newbies and veterans of the business have said to their families but hey, let’s take this out for a ride because it supports point number one.
Ronda Rousey is losing at WrestleMania
We got no proof of this but we do know that the original plan was for her to face Charlotte one on one (with Charlotte probably winning), we know that Becky Lynch has become the hot act over the last six months, and we know that Ronda hasn’t lost yet so WrestleMania seems like the right time to do it. That’s it. I explained my rationale for each woman winning that match here, and in my opinion there’s plenty of logic for Ronda winning. But so far a lot of us have assumed she isn’t because she just has to lose here, right? Which leads to the next brick:
Ronda Rousey can’t take losing
She didn’t handle losing well in MMA, so she obviously isn’t going to like losing in WWE and she’ll want to take her ball and go home. There is no evidence to back this up but it sure sounds good.
Ronda Rousey is freaking out because of the crowd noise and the Tweeting from Becky
Ronda isn’t great at promos, the crowds are booing her more now because she’s facing Becky, and she’s fired off some far out responses to Becky’s twitter jabs that suggest maybe the ribbing is getting to her. So she must clearly be having some kind of emotional meltdown that is souring her on the world of pro wrestling. Again we have don’t have any confirmed facts as to her true emotional state (for all we know it’s a work that’s gone a little off the rails) but it sure feels good to type that she just can’t handle the banter.
Now we have the proverbial feedback loop. We think Ronda doesn’t love the business, she hates the road, she wants to start a family, we just know she’s losing at WrestleMania, she doesn’t handle losing well at all, and now she can’t handle the ribbing. Each one of these things feeds into the others, and if you were a Ronda skeptic from day one or you just don’t like her for other reasons then each one of these things is very easy to believe individually, as it’s consequently very easy to put them together into one big ball of what is sure to happen. Remember always that the way NEWZ works, be it in wrestling media, other forms of entertainment, and even politics is that they bait you with things you want to be true based on what you already have come to believe. If you believe wrestler X is a jerk then everything that backs it up is believable no matter how flimsy the evidence. Here we have a bunch of ‘truths’ based on little real information that feed into what a lot of people already thought, and now we have one big ‘truth’ that we just know to be true.
Of course if Ronda wins at WrestleMania, loses some time later, and sticks around for the rest of her contract then the vaunted wrestling media can just give us the tried and true explanation for everything that doesn’t pan out the way they led us to think it would:
Plans changed.
Chairshot Radio Network
Launched in 2017, the Chairshot Radio Network presents you with the best in sports, entertainment, and sports entertainment. Wrestling and wrestling crossover podcasts + the most interesting content + the most engaging hosts = the most entertaining podcasts you’ll find!
MONDAY - Bandwagon Nerds (entertainment & popular culture)
TUESDAY - 4 Corners Podcast (sports)
WEDNESDAY - The Greg DeMarco Show (wrestling)
THURSDAY - Nefarious Means
FRIDAY - DWI Podcast (Drunk Wrestling Intellect)
SATURDAY - The Mindless Wrestling Podcast
SUNDAY - 30 Mindless Minutes
CHAIRSHOT RADIO NETWORK PODCAST SPECIALS
Attitude Of Aggression Podcast: The Big Five Project (chronologically exploring WWE's PPV/PLE history) Unidentified History (Ufology) & Game Gone Wrong (Game of Thrones Universe)
Chairshot Radio Network Your home for the hardest hitting podcasts... Sports, Entertainment and Sports Entertainment!
Powered by RedCircle
Let us know what you think on social media @ChairshotMedia and always remember to use the hashtag #UseYourHead!
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