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Andrew’s IMPACT Emergence Results & Match Ratings: 8.12.2022

ALEX SHELLEY VS JOSH ALEXANDER! CHAMPIONSHIP! TONIGHT! ‘NUFF SAID!

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OKAY! So we all know I’m just hype to get to the main event and hopefully see Alex Shelley win the title. So I’ll do the whole “here’s my picks” cheap way to do an intro, and then into the coverage.

Predictions:

  • X Division Match – Bailey retains (because I hate Jack Evans)
  • Maclin vs Callihan – Callihan wins (because Moose needs a reason to get involved)
  • VBD vs Motor City Time – VBD win (because they need relevance)
  • Honor No More vs Bullet Club – Honor No More win (because Impact made me like Matt Taven)
  • Bandido vs Rey Horus: Bandido wins (because he’s already got more name recognition)
  • Knockouts: Jordynne Grace vs Mia Yim: Jordynne wins (because they hot shot belts to new people too much)
  • World Title: Alex Shelley vs Josh Alexander: Alex Shelley wins (because I want him to)

Now on to the show!

Ratings:

  • X Division Championship: Speedball Mike Bailey (c) vs Jack Evans: Bailey retains via Ultima Weapon – * 1/2
  • Steve Maclin vs Sami Callihan: Never Happened
  • VBD (Eric Young & Deaner w/Joe Doering) vs Motor City Time (Kushida & Chris Sabin): EY wins via Piledriver – *** 1/4
  • AAA Attraction Match: Bandido vs Rey Horus: Bandido wins via 21Plex – ***
  • NODQ Anything Goes: Steve Maclin vs Sami Callihan: Callihan wins via Cactus Driver ’97 – *** 3/4
  • Honor No More (Mike Bennett, Matt Taven, Vincent, PCO & Eddie Edwards w/Maria) vs Bullet Club (Doc Gallows, Karl Anderson, Hikuleo, Ace Austin, Chris Bey): Taven wins via Climax into Trash Can – *** 1/4
  • Knockouts World Championship: Jordynne Grace (c) vs Mia Yim: Grace retains via Grace Driver – *** 3/4
  • IMPACT World Heavyweight Championship: Josh Alexander (c) vs Alex Shelley: Josh retains via C4 Spike – *****

Results:

X Division Championship: Speedball Mike Bailey (c) vs Jack Evans

It should be no surprise from previous coverage, I like nothing about Jack Evans. Bad look, no psychology, all stupid flips and cheap heel gimmicks. I’m ecstatic that we get the match with the worst wrestler out of the way immediately. 

Evans dives at Speedball’s legs, tries to get some cheap Roll-Ups, typical heel powder, bait into the corner, cheap shot but Bailey manages a Top Wristlock to slow down Evans. Evans Cartwheels out, two stupid High Risk misses, a few more dumb spots and then they meet in the middle with dueling Crossbodies. The early goings, really looks slow and stupid.

Kick Fight, Bailey gets the best of it, Dropkick, Dive, throws him back in, powders out, another dive, throws him back in, another powder and Bailey hits the old Will Ospreay fake dive, before trying to get Evans back in. Baits Bailey to the rope, catches him and then Slingshot Jecht Shot into a Muta Lock, but again, these are just moves with no real story. So congrats he’s agile and flexibile I suppose.

Random Snap Suplex for a 2. The match slows down to molasses in a mayo jar, Bailey tries to counter an Irish Whip, but Evans catches him. Still a super slow Rocket Launcher attempt that Bailey counters and kicks Evans in the face. A few more kicks and then a Corkscrew Shooting Star for 2. Delayed really dumb Cartwheel Back Elbow from Evans, into a Suplex and then Falcon Arrow. But Evans’ offense is just bad, he’s like if you ordered Kid Kash on Wish.

An awful and slow Double Kick spot actually has me laughing at how awful this is. I really enjoy Speedball, but god he can’t carry a match with a wrestler not worth the hot dog or handshake he was promised. Lame Dropkick from Bailey, Escalera Moonsault gets the sympathy pop from the crowd, but this needs to end soon. Apron Triangle Kick from Evans, throws in Bailey, Blockbuster gives Evans a near fall. Evans to the top, Bailey tries to cut him off, Evans fights him off twice, but Bailey keeps rising. Sloppy Spider Suplex from Evans, Evans goes for a spot, Bailey moves, Evans heads to the corner, Tornado Kick spot that Evans takes poorly (might’ve been a receipt for the bad Spider Suplex), Ultima Weapon from Bailey and he retains. Thankfully.

Honor No More segment with Eddie trying to fire up the troops. I’ll say this, he’s become a better talker, but he’s still not close to good. I would like Honor No More to win, but it feels like the way to write them out. Here’s to hoping even if they lose, a few of them stick around as official Impact wrestlers.

Steve Maclin vs Sami Callihan

Maclin attacks Sami during his entrance, and they just brawl. The bell never rings, Sami grabs a chair, the referee tries to stop him, Sami shoves the ref but Maclin counters. Maclin tries to use the chair, the referee tries to stop him and Sami and Maclin both bully the referee and shove him to the ground before continuing to brawl.

They just go out through the crowd, continuing to fight as commentary claims the match never took place but the show must go on, so we go to the tag match!

VBD (Eric Young & Deaner w/Joe Doering) vs Motor City Time (Kushida & Chris Sabin)

Kushida and Young start off, the crowd starts the Kushida chant and Young hops out to admonish the crowd for chanting for Kushida. EY slides back in and pushes Kushida into the corner and muscles him over a little before tagging Deaner in. Deaner tries to go for the Deaner DDT early, but Kushida counters with a few short arm tackles, a lot of wrist control and then quick tags and fun tandem work.

Tandem Forward Roll Body Scissors into the Kushida PK Kick to the left arm already starts the foreshadowing on the Hoverboard Lock. EY sneak attacks Kushida during a rope run giving Deaner the opportunity to tag out, EY a few quick spots, then Kushida kicks him over the top rope, Flair Flop and stumble to the turnbuckle, a little shenanigans and EY ends up with the advantage still. Rude Awakening style Neckbreaker for a 2 count from EY before tagging in Deaner and hitting a Double Boot Face Sandwich on the apron against Kushida.

VBD keep peppering in quick tags against Kushida, and it’s working pretty well. They keep him in the corner and do their version of the Unicorn Stampede, as Kushida tries to fight back but EY drops Sabin off the apron. Fastball Special punches as both VBD men are doubled over, Kushida literally runs up and over the men, rolls off to tag in Sabin. Clears house a bit, hints at Cradle Shock on Deaner, but EY gets him. EY tries to do the MCMG reference of the 5 Hole Dive, but Kushida breaks it up and they pull off their own version. Cradle Shock/Pele Combo gets a 2 count because EY slides in to break it up. EY takes control, sets up Deaner to receive his tag and things he can land the Piledriver on Sabin. Double Neckbreakers, into the Canadian Savage aerial moves before Kushida breaks it up. VBD almost slows him down before a back hand spring Double Back Elbow has everyone laid out for a moment. Rising Fighting Spirit spot, VBD take short cuts, but get Irish Whipped, Do-si-do, doesn’t matter, High Speed Dirt into a Cravat/Cartwheel Dropkick. Deaner grabs a weapon, Doering bonks Kushida and EY gets the job done with the Piledriver.

VBD needed the win here, so I’m glad they did what they needed to, to have them remain a somewhat credible force before it all eventually implodes. 

VXT gloats a little after their Knockouts Tag Title victory on the pre-show. Deonna is gold, so it’s always nice when she’s wearing some. 

Kenny King comes out to try and bait out Heath. I don’t mind Kenny, but his promos can be corny as hell sometimes. Some cheap shots at the Bears, then a little reference to Chicago stuff, but Sami and Maclin make their way back through the crowd to distract Kenny. Heath runs down the ramp when Kenny ain’t looking, Wake Up Call after a missed Chairshot and Kenny gets left laying. Gia grabs a quick interview with Heath and the crowd responds well to him. He says he’s not gonna interfere in the 5v5, so here’s to hoping that Honor No More win, since Heath can’t continue his Wake Up Call Revenge Tour if they disband.

AAA Attraction Match: Bandido vs Rey Horus

Bandido looks like he’s having to slow down by a step or two in the early goings. Horus is just not ready to go at the speed Bandido is and its evident from Horus not ducking in time so he eats a boot while he’s obviously trying to dodge. It’s a bunch of moves pretty quick, and honestly I can’t tell what’s actually being countered, missed or just mistimed. So this early portion is not starting off good.

Things finally start to slow down when Bandido hits the Plancha, tries to continue into the ring and eats a Dropkick. Three Amigos from Bandido with the Eddie Shake before dropping down into a Worm, Handstand Senton for 2. Bandido on the outside, thought he was clever walking away, but Horus changes his angles and then jumps over the corner to land on Bandido. 180 Frog Splash from Horus for 2. Bandido has to try and fire back up, and does so as he counters the rope run with a Single Arm Gorilla Press, into a Running Leg Lariat for 2.

Horus hits a Avalanche Satellite Tornado DDT, but the worst thing is it just looked too cooperative. Was it cool? Fucking yes. But it was just too much and looked kinda dumb at the same time. Outside-In Lifting Avalanche Vertical Suplex from Bandido onto Horus for a near fall. Pop Up Cutter is a little sloppy during the run, run continues as Horus hits his own Body Roll Cutter, then a double knockout kick takes us to a 9 count (in Spanish) and a double sit up ala Kane and Taker.

I’ll be honest, if I shut my brain off and just watched, it’s definitely entertaining and fun. But the match has been one hell of a mess at many points. Popping Satellite DDT from Horus gives him another 2 count. Horus goes to the top, Bandido cuts him off, Benadryller from Bandido, 21Plex for the win!

I can give it a 3 for entertainment value, but holy hell was it a mess. 

Moose gives an interviewing denying being in cahoots with Maclin again, but Sami attacks Moose and the fight is continuing. Moose is now mad so he adds himself into this crazy brawl. D’lo finally calls in security to stop the brawl in general. SCOTT D’AMORE music hits! Scott makes it a NODQ Anything Goes match, but Moose is barred from Ringside.

Steve Maclin vs Sami Callihan (con’t)

Sami smashes Maclin’s head into the steel steps and takes a bow after the bell officially rings. Maclin is busted open and Sami is relishing in this whole situation until Maclin moves near the guardrail, Callihan gets put in the Tree of Woe and Caught in the Crosshairs on the guardrail! Suplex and then Maclin lands a Knee Drop from the apron right onto Callihan’s face.

Maclin pulls out 3 chairs and a Swiffer, Chicago pops for the Swiffer. Maclin asks if they want it…and then he throws it away, flips them off and grabs a chair to a chorus of Boos. Small “We Want Swiffer” chant but Maclin eats a T-Bone Suplex into the chair. Sami Sabu’s a chair into Maclin’s face. Another chair, another Sabu, but this time he gets the pony because it wraps around Maclin’s head like a necklace.

Thumbs Up, Thumbs…nope Low Blow. Maclin goes to down driving a chair into Sami’s ribs. Maclin grabs an equipment case with Wire Cutters, Zip Ties, Cables…it’s a box of goodies. K.I.A. from Maclin and Maclin refuses to end the match like that. He’s psyching up and looking to Zip Tie Callihan. Low Mule Kick gives Callihan the advantage. Sabu the chair a third time, “My Balls, your balls” and Sami just stomps the shit out of Maclin’s balls. Deonna is gonna be very upset with Sami after this match.

Sami goes for the Zip Ties on Maclin and has him with his hands tied behind his back. Maclin stays defiant to the end, spits at Callihan, Cactus Driver ’97, and Sami wins.

Honor No More (Mike Bennett, Matt Taven, Vincent, PCO & Eddie Edwards w/Maria) vs Bullet Club (Doc Gallows, Karl Anderson, Hikuleo, Ace Austin, Chris Bey)

It goes without saying that Honor No More should remain, plus with Bullet Club randomly using Hikuleo who hasn’t been on Impact television since GoD was still part of BC, he’s probably the fall guy. Even Vincent has more worth to Impact right now than Hikuleo. 

Bell rings and we get an ole 10 man donnybrook. Just slugfests and a few people get thrown out piece by piece before starting to pair up and then take the neutral corners. Good Brothers are double teaming Vincent early, but OGK slide into interrupt it. Gallows hits the Double Lariat to try and slow things down, but Gallows is in pain after his PCO match 2 weeks ago. Eddie cuts off someone, Bey and Ace double team Eddie to give BC a short advantage before Vincent comes back to life.

Big Triangle Kick from Ace wipes out Vincent. Ace of Beyse stand tall until they try and go after PCO, now they have problems. PCO and Hikuleo have their monster face off. One of Hikuleo’s strikes are worth about 3 of PCOs. Hikuleo dumps out PCO, Bey launches off of Hikuleo and takes out most of the HNM members. Hikuleo is about to dive, but Taven cuts him off just to get Yeeted into a pile of bodies. Ace hits a Diving Fold on a climbs Taven, into most of the dudes.

Weapons come out, and more chants for the Swiffer to return.  We have hit clusterfuck level for this match. 10 people is bad enough, little to no referee control, weapons and showboating to different camera cuts. Not a bad thing per se, but definitely makes things messier and easier to turn into garbage. Funny camera cut has Eddie Edwards crotching Ace with the ring post. Just revenge for when he tried to bang his wife. OGK has been doing a lot of the in ring work, but with trying to keep attention across 10 people, it’s just too much to watch. PCO misses the PCO-sault and Gallows drags him up the ramp just to eat Double Superkicks from OGK.

They drag Gallows into the crowd, we have no clue what else is going on, but Gallows fights back as PCO gets back up to his feet. Gallows and PCO fight amongst the people, Gallows tosses PCO over a second floor railing and into the Shadow Realm or something. Technically it’s 4v5 for now. Vincent Redrum’s Gallows through a table. So…someone is dead there. Eddie grabs Kenny and beats Karl with Kenny. Something oddly specific about that, but Gallows gets back up with the adrenaline surge, throws some fists and garbage cans before crumpling down. Gallows arm gives out for the Magic Killer, they wipe out Anderson, Taven hits the Climax on Gallows into a garbage can and Honor No More win!

The match totally fell apart, PCO getting sent to the Shadow Realm was a pop that didn’t really do anything aside from pop the crowd. Bey, Ace and Hikuleo weren’t really seen for the last 5 minutes of the match, at least. So yeah, over booked, sloppy, but…God dammit it was fun and the right team won.

Knockouts World Championship: Jordynne Grace (c) vs Mia Yim

Both women go for an almost Japanese Junior style of stalemate wrestling. No real power advantage from either, not strikes thrown, both are just looking for leverage and opportunities. Poor Mia tries to anticipate a Leap Frog and eats the Manhattan Drop into Low Dropkick and then a Bridging Suplex for 1. Mia slides around with a trip, Low Dropkick of her own, Hesitation Dropkick, Jordynne powders and then Mia goes after her with a dive. Slides her back in for a 1 count.

Mia is getting a little cocky with the Snap Kicks. Jordynne tries to Suplex out of Mia’s offense, but Mia body scissors and locks in a Guillotine. It takes Jordynne a hot minute to power through the Guillotine to suplex counter it. Jordynne tried to Sunset Bomb, but Mia does a great job fighting it. Kicks her legs, holds the ropes, really looks like she’s trying not to go over, but eventually falls victim. Slow rise, and strike spot. Mia trades a few Forearms, then starts responding with Round Kicks. Jordynne keeps popping up, they trade, Sole Butt, Kawada Kicks and Jordynne shoves Mia a bit too hard so she falls into the ropes instead of bouncing off right, but it doesn’t look awful.

Jordynne goes for a Muta Lock of all things, I didn’t know she could do that, though I feel like she pulled it off once before, it’s still not something she does a lot. Mia counters and they have one another in Reverse Chinlocks and just slap the hell out of each other. It takes a headbutt from Mia to actually cause a recovery spot for both. Step Through Tornado DDT from Mia, for 2.

Classic Tornado attempt, held on, Muscle Buster from Jordynne, but Mia kicks out! They fight to the top turnbuckle, Mia gets the best, Avalanche Code Blue for…2.9! Nice reference back to her Jade days. Locomotion Cradles, Eat Defeat counter, Protect Ya Neck counter and Jordynne turns it into a Grace Driver for the pinfall victory!

Masha’s music hits right before Mia and Jordynne shake hands and she hands a death warrant to Jordynne Grace. I wasn’t sure if they’d sky rocket Masha to the top…so now we see if she stays as a Wrecking Machine or if Grace knocks her down a peg.

IMPACT World Heavyweight Championship: Josh Alexander (c) vs Alex Shelley

GIVE ME AN ALEX SHELLEY WIN! You can’t steal my Cheerios! Just let me mark out a let you jerks! 

Josh and Alex start slow, the normal feeling out style, but as Josh tries to apply his power, Alex grinds in a headlock and keeps things slow. A few quick strikes, Frakensteiner, Josh’s head gear fell off and Alex has a little fun.

Inverted Indian Deathlock as Alex claws at Josh’s face just rubbing in the advantageous position. Alex ducks into the ropes to break the Arm Wringer, Josh didn’t so he ducked back in to use the rope to trap Josh’s arm and get in a cheap but clever kick. Josh evens things up after a few run through Shoulder Tackles since Josh is really focusing on Alex’s left arm. Now Josh is finally grabbing at the legs, which makes more sense.

Gory Special into a backslide for a quick count and then Shelley keeps a few precision strikes at Josh’s arm to soften him up for the Border City Stretch. Naciente into a Border City attempt, but he couldn’t quite lock it in. Alex is enjoying going after the different injuries that he made sure Josh knew he was aware of, so Josh retaliates with that Low Diving Crossbody.

Knees, Hamstrings and Dragon Screw attacks from Alex as he’s really trying to dissect the champion. He could be trying to do too much, but it’s smart. Seated Cloverleaf into a Koji Kimura Lock combination. Alex is putting on a clinic at the moment. Rolling Elbow shades of Kotaro Suzuki in how he did it. Josh almost starts a comeback but Alex stifles it.

Power Struggle in the middle, but Josh eventually pulls off the Fisherman’s Suplex as they both take a beat to recover. Alex tries to stop the onslaught of Haymakers, but just gets molly whopped. Exploder Suplex from Josh sends Shelley to the center, Josh goes for a King Kong Knee Drop and misses. Shelley lays out Josh with a Tornado DDT, goes to the top, shrugs, Frog Splash for 2 and then Josh hooks the Ankle Lock but Alex gets to the rope.

After this point I just got engrossed and watched instead of typed. This was a hell of a match. Needs to be searched out by anyone who enjoys great wrestling and in-ring story telling. 

 

Overall Score: 8/10

So there was something charming about this show, even if it started with one of my least favorite wrestlers in all of wrestling. The match that turned into a brawl for like an hour than finally a NoDQ match was VERY old school TNA and I enjoyed the camp of the situation. It was definitely an oddly paced show with a few consecutive segments of non-wrestling and just gimmick or interview, but the last few matches saved things for me.

Lucha in general is a car crash style of wrestling that I’m very hot and cold on, but when it’s done well, it’s fucking beautiful. Bandido versus Rey Horus, was more like Jersey Shore. I can’t stop watching the awful situations, but I leave amused and feeling okay about myself; so I suppose generally positive outcome. Back to back hardcore matches are usually bad booking, but Maclin was committed to his match and that made it beautiful; while the Honor No More match was a mess, but checked enough “sports entertainment” boxes to be more than just a correct finish. Jordynne and Mia worked their assess off, there were just a couple clunky spots that stopped me from getting totally hype. And of course, the Shelley vs Alexander match was actually objectively fantastic. While I loved Sabin vs Shelley, there was definitely nostalgia and general marking out for both of them going on; I would put this match against anything else in anyone’s MOTY pool.

The wrong guy won, but damn was it a fantastic match. Solid PPV, started slow, but when it picked up, it went at the speed of a freight train. Good stuff.


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Coverage

Andrew’s TNA iMPACT! Results & Match Ratings: 5.2.2024

Under Siege is tomorrow! Yeah the card looks pretty awful, but maybe this Go Home will spice things up!

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Not gonna mislead anyone here, Under Siege looks nearly as bad as a Steven Segal film by the same name. Lots of useless tag matches, only really the X Division title to care about. It reminds me of a “Road to” show that New Japan does. Bunch of worthless matches with a few story wrinkles but entirely skippable.

Hopefully something crazy happens or the show is good enough to cover the bad card. But let’s hope something happens tonight to maybe create some reason to watch.

Ratings:

  • Mustafa Ali vs Chris Bey w/Ace Austin: Ali wins via 450 – **
  • Dani Luna w/Jody Threat vs Alisha Edwards w/Masha Slamovich: Lish wins via Russian Death Device – ** 1/4
  • Hammerstone vs Cody Deaner: Hammerstone wins via Torture Rack – *
  • #1 Contender Match: Ace Austin w/Chris Bey vs Trey Miguel w/Zachary Wentz: Ace wins via The Fold – ***
  • TNA Knockouts Championship: Jordynne Grace (c) vs Miyu Yamashita: Grace retains via Juggernaut Driver – *** 1/2

 

Results:

Mustafa Ali vs Chris Bey w/Ace Austin

Ali with a simple Headlock takeover, Bey fights back up and tries to create something with a rope run; but Ali gets the best of things with a Back Elbow. Ali gets cocky as Bey retreats to the corner, Bey turns things around quickly, lands the 10 Count Punches in the corner, Ali tries to fight back but Bey snaps off a quick DDT for a near fall. As Bey goes to continue the offense, Ali Drop Toe Holds Bey into the ropes neck first. Ali again, demonstrating some of the worst in-ring trash talk, Bey turns things around since Ali is running his mouth too much. Ali gets set in the Tree of Woe, Bey goes across to another corner and does a Coast to Coast Elbow Drop as Ali tries to sit up. Honestly, stupid looking since its obviously too coordinated. No one would stay half sat up just to eat an elbow.

While the move looked cool, I now care significantly less about what’s going on. Illogical spots just because “they’re cool”, should not be rewarded. Bey controls the match after the stupid spot, hits his Corner Uppercut Hip Attack, Ali tries to duck a few moves and create something but eats a Spinebuster for 2. Art of Finesse attempt, but Ali shoves him to the outside. Working back inside Ali goes for his Rolling Neckbreaker but Bey connects with a Roundhouse Kick to stop Ali in his tracks. Fighting Spirit spot, they run into the ropes, Ali has a bad Double Leg takedown that he tries to turn into a Cradle with feet on the ropes, but Ace pushes the feet off.

As security starts to move on Ace, Ali hits a Suicida, then Bey connects on a Tope con Hilo. Bey starts rocking Ali, hits the Kudome Valentine but Ali manages to pull himself under the bottom rope just enough to avoid losing. Bey climbs the corner, Ali German Suplexes Bey to the apron, Ali goes for the 450, misses, Bey goes to finish the match but the security get involved again, hit Bey with the flag and then Ali lands the 450 for the win.

I liked when the Security Guards were window dressing instead of mooks to cheat with. This just makes the matches dumber and significantly less interesting, especially when its nameless mooks and its not even a talent getting heat. 

Dani Luna w/Jody Threat vs Alisha Edwards w/Masha Slamovich

Dani starts strong and fast, forearm shots, lariats and a quick near fall sends Alisha retreating to the ropes to get some advice from Masha. Dani goes to attack Lish, Lish with a Drop Toe Hold, Masha takes advantage of the distracted ref and Lish hits a Satellite DDT and then taunts entirely too much. As Lish talks too much, Dani stands up and starts beating the hell out of Lish, Suplex into the rope assisted Blue Thunder Bomb. Dani goes for the Luna Landing, but Masha climbs on the apron, distraction happens, then Lish goes after Jody and the ref stays distracted with Lish. Masha slides into the ring, Roundhouse Kick into the Russian Death Device and Lish turns around for the win!

Sami’s little segment is aptly named DMTv since it feels like a weird hallucination or trip with the way he does stuff. 

Hammerstone vs Cody Deaner

Am I supposed to care about this? Hammerstone looks like he’s chiseled out of granite and Deaner looks like he’s fished out of a trailer park. Hammerstone says a lot of how I feel that the Deaner schtick is pathetic. Deaner says he’s given the power to add a stipulation, Hammer says Arm Wrestling Match, Deaner wants a Sin City Street Fight. So we know what the crowd will pick. Christ this is so carny even Court Bauer blushed.

Deaner bonks Hammer with the mic, low dropkick, goes to grab a trash can lid and hits Hammer…but it just pisses off Captain Hammer. Stomps a mudhole in him, Irish Whip into a Back Elbow and Hammer deposits him to the outside to utilize the gimmick I would assume. This is going on much longer than it should, Deaner finds a chair, clocks Hammer once, goes for Twice, but this isn’t Kpop; so Hammer says no and hits him with a Backbreaker. Then Hammer hits him with a chairshot, 10 Count Punches in the corner, Sack of Shit, Deaner goes for the Ricky Morton lean against the ropes and sell to the crowd spot, but Hammer leans into him and starts using the chair again.

Deaner does his nerd Hulk Up, tries to call for a Body Slam but Hammer doesn’t move and drops the dweeb down. Deaner is back to the begging the crowd Ricky Morton spot…but the crowd doesn’t care since Deaner is a jabroni. Hammer tosses Deaner like a pizza ribs first into the back of the chair and just takes a few moments to revel in his handwork. Deaner fights back, lands a few right hands, tries to call for the Body Slam again like an idiot, gets Hammer half way and falls over so Hammer just rains down punches (can we end this waste of time please). Hellavator, I mean Nightmare Pendulum but Deaner floats over and lands the Scoop Slam onto the steel chair for only 2.

The crowd starts chanting for table, so of course Deaner obliges…this is going on so damn long. Hammer no sells the forearm, Vertical Suplex, goozle, and then Hammer Chokeslams Deaner through the table and calls to for the Torture Rack. Deaner is Rack’d and dead. ‘Bout damn time.

Like a Torpedo, Something is there…

I’m mad at myself that I popped for Ball of Speed. I’m not even sure why, but I like it.

If I’ve said it once I’ve said it at least 3 dozen times, Joe Hendry is a treasure. Starting with a medley of the insult songs to lead into the Creed parody is genius. Odd apology, but I respect it. “Can you please get fired…”, such a great song.

#1 Contender Match: Ace Austin w/Chris Bey vs Trey Miguel w/Zachary Wentz

Typical Junior style start with counters and some chain wrestling and then a quick tension spot where Trey slaps Ace and then they fire off on each other for a few seconds before they get broken up because its just a shmoz. Trey baits Ace to the outside, Up and Over but Ace lands on the apron and then Wentz picks the ankle as Trey feigns injury to distract the referee. Back Rake back into the ring and just insulting Knife Edge Chops at a deliberate pace. Commercial break happens and Trey is still in charge. Ace shoots the Double and turns it into a Jacknife Cradle for 2 but Ace is still visibly hobbled.

Trey tries to keep Ace grounded but he tries to fire up and Trey finds different ways to keep Ace grounded including a Running Bodyscissors into Full Mount. Kick combination rush from Trey as he goes for the Asai Moonsault to punctuate it but Ace gets the knees up. Short range Knee Strike, Click Click Boom, Corner Splash Seated Lariat spot into a Triangle Kick for 2! Ace looks to set up The Fold, Wentz distracts, Trey grabs tights! But Ace kicks out! Trey with the Backflip Back of the Head Dropkick. Bey levels Wentz and Trey is talking shit to the fans, Ace goes for the Crucifix Pin, but kicks out at 2.

Jackie Bryant Headlock Kick from Trey, but Ace blocks it. Triangle Kick misses, Ace tries to jump on him but misses, Cheeky Nandos, then Trey heads up but Ace cuts him off. They struggle on the top rope, Trey Bell Claps Ace, Ace tries to duck but Trey turns it into the Sunset Flip, locomotion float away, Ace Face Stomp into The Fold! Ace wins!

The Bald Bearded Canadians, good ole team BBC…wait…

TNA Knockouts Championship: Jordynne Grace (c) vs Miyu Yamashita

They start off respectfully, which is what you expect since Miyu is well respected in this generation. A few Headlock Takeovers, Shoulder Blocks and finally Miyu drops Jordynne with a Switchblade Kick. Miyu goes to follow up, but Jordynne catches the kick and T-Bone Suplex gives Jordynne a near fall. Juggernaut Driver early, but Miyu counters, rams Jordynne into the corner, Triangle Kick from Miyu for 2! Cravat into Knee Strikes and then a PK to the spine keeps Miyu in control. Miyu lets Jordynne up and they trade strikes a bit, Jordynne’s arms prove to be a little stronger than Miyu’s legs, takes out the legs and then the Jackhammer on the floor from Jordynne!

Jordynne tries to roll Miyu back in, but Miyu continues to roll out to buy some space, Jordynne goes for a dive and eats a foot. Miyu looks for an Apron Death Valley Driver, Jordynne fights it a while but Miyu eventually gets her over and down on the apron for 2. Miyu with a Headlock Takeover, but both ties the other one up and the ropes save the awkward but effective exchange. Strike exchange number 2. Miyu no sells a few Scoop Slams and lands Round Kicks. Spinning Backfist and Round Kick connect simultaneously for both women to drop.

Jordynne charges, Pink Striker tries to block with the front kick, but Jordynne plows through with a Back Elbow. Kinniku Buster attempt but Miyu knows how to get away from that and fights off with Knee Strikes, Jordynne is rocked but fights back up and Avalanche Back Body Drop for 2! Jordynne no sells a Roundhouse Kick, Miyu no sells a Lariat then another kick from Miyu and a Back Kick to the face for 2. Skull Kick attempt, blocked, Juggernaut Driver out of nowhere to retain!

 

Overall Score: 6.25/10

The second half of the show was pretty damn good, but God was the first half useless. Hammerstone and Deaner went on far too long, that was dumb, it looked dumb, I felt dumb watching it. Ali’s match was garbage with the stupid spot monkey indie garbage spot. If I want to watch wrestling that makes less sense than Chinese Dramas with Hindi subtitles, I’ll watch AEW and have a stroke.

Thankfully, Joe Hendry got a good chunk of time, the Trey and Ace match was pretty good and overlooking the stupid run in after match stuff, the Knockouts match itself was pretty damn good. So the new bookers have really consistently done this stuff, where there’s a ton of overbooked stupidity, but they sprinkle in enough okay stuff to make me not completely lose faith. OH – and we do get Kushida versus Gresham tomorrow, so at least that strengthens the lackluster card.

Lets see if they ever figure out how to really book, or if they eventually go full TNA 2015.


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Coverage

Mitchell’s ROH Results & Report! (5/2/24)

The Queen is chasing the crown!

Published

on

Will the One and Only become the #1 contender?

Queen Aminata wants after Athena and the ROH Women’s World Championship, but she will still earn her way to a shot, starting with a match tonight!

OFFICIAL RESULTS

  • The Infantry VS The Outrunners; The Infantry wins.
  • Nyla Rose VS Camron Branae; Nyla wins.
  • ROH World Tag Team Championships Proving Grounds: The Undisputed Kingdom VS The Qrown; The Kingdom wins and denies The Qrown a title match.
  • Toa Liona VS Jimmy Wild; Liona wins.
  • Six Man Tag: The Dark Order VS Adam Priest, Zicky Dice & Sean Maluta; The Dark Order wins.
  • Aaron Solo VS Jon Cruz; Solo wins.
  • Queen Aminata VS Robyn Renegade; Aminata wins.

PLAY BY PLAY

The Infantry VS The Outrunners!

Captain Shawn Dean & Carlie Bravo have had it with Turbo Floyd & Truth Magnum! It’s one thing to use the same finishing move and rename it, but then The Outrunners’ new gear is camouflage, and they start using the Infantry’s catchphrases! Will Turbo & Truth get sent to Boot Camp? Or will Dean & Bravo be sent into Miami Overdrive?

Wait a minute, wait a minute. Who is this accompanying The Outrunners? Lazer Linda? So now they’re copying Infantry in having a female team member? Trish Adora steps into the ring to get a good look at Linda. Linda flexes on Adora, so Adora gives her a LARIAT TUBMAN! The Outrunners are upset but then Dean & Bravo storm up to throw hands! The ref reprimands but The Infantry keep throwing hands. Dean whips Truth and Bravo whips Turbo, but the Outrunners both reverse that. Dean and Bravo both dodge, then they both fake the Outrunners out! Those dropkicks get nothing, and then The Infantry DROPKICK The Outrunners!

The Outrunners bail out, The Infantry fire up and Daily’s Place fires up with them! The ref says they finally need to sort out, so Bravo falls back. Truth flounders in, the bell finally sounds, and Dean arm-drags Turbo around! Dean keeps Turbo from Truth, tags Bravo in, and then Dean wrenches while Bravo hops up. Bravo AX HANDLES Turbo’s arm, then brings him around to wrench. Tag to Dean, he goes up and AX HANDLES! Then the Infantry double whip, and double atomic drop, for a double HIP TOSS! The Infantry now mock The Outrunners, before the double FIST DROP! Turbo flounders away and tags in Truth!

Truth runs up, but into a DOUBLE HIP TOSS! Then another DOUBLE FIST DROP! Cover, TWO! Truth stays in this but Dean storms up on him. Turbo distracts the ref, Truth pokes Dean in the eye! Truth blames it on the sunset, then bumps Dean off buckles. Tag to Turbo and the Outrunners mug Dean. Tag back to Truth, he goes up, BACKBREAKER, and then Truth winds up! But Bravo sneaks behind enemy lines to get Dean outta there, Truth’s knee drop turns into an accidental atomic drop! The Infantry then get in and TOSS Turbo! Bravo aims to PLANCHA! Down goes Turbo and the fans fire up again!

Dean brings Truth up, throws hands, then tags in Bravo. Dean scoops Truth, Bravo goes up, and they hit the BACKBREAKER and “Grenade” KNEE DROP! The fans fire up more and Bravo brings Truth up. Truth throws a shot but Bravo hits back. Bravo whips, Truth reverses, but Bravo gets around! Turbo tags in before the O’Conner Roll! Turbo runs up but Bravo dodges him to SUPERKICK! Turbo ends up on ropes, and Bravo ROCKS Truth! Bravo whips, Truth reverses and Turbo BODY SHOTS! Turbo BLASTS Dean, gets Bravo, and sends him into Truth’s BOOTS! Bravo staggers, Turbo CLAWS him on the back!

Tag to Truth and the Outrunners mug Turbo. The fans are torn, but Truth CHOPS Bravo in a corner! Truth spins around while the fans “WOO~!” Truth then storms back up, whips corner to corner, but Bravo reverses. Bravo runs up, but slides under as Truth goes up! Bravo then trips Truth, and asks if he should. The fans say yes, so Bravo YANKS Truth backwards into the POST! Bravo high-fives fans, but then Turbo FLYING AX HANDLES off the apron! Dean protests but there’s nothing he can do as Turbo puts Bravo back in. Truth drags Bravo over, tags Turbo, and Turbo drops an elbow! Cover, TWO!

Turbo drags Bravo up, tags Truth back in, and they mug Bravo with a big kick! Bravo sputters while the Outrunners flex. Truth whips, Bravo sunset flips, but Truth flails! Truth reaches for the literal sunset but Bravo finishes the flip, TWO! Bravo reaches for Dean but Truth trips him up! Tag to Turbo, and he drops down into a CROSSFACE! Bravo endures, fights up, but Turbo tags Truth. The Infantry get Bravo up, but Bravo BOOTS Turbo away! Bravo ELBOWS Truth, then ROCKS Turbo! And repeat! And repeat! Bravo runs, but into the DOUBLE HIP TOSS! The Outrunners shake hands and flex, DOUBLE ELBOW DROP!

Turbo BLASTS Dean, Truth covers, but Dean gets back in to kick it! Truth is upset but he stomps Bravo. Truth whips Bravo to the corner, then he BLASTS Dean again! Truth runs at Bravo but Bravo slips out to the apron! Truth hits buckles, Turbo storms up but Bravo dodges by going back inside! Bravo then slips out the other side, and Truth runs into Turbo! Bravo slingshots in for a STUNNER! The fans fire up as Bravo crawls for his corner, but Turbo grabs a foot! Turbo drags Bravo up, back suplexes, but Bravo lands out! Bravo avoids both Outrunners to hot tag Dean! The fans fire up as The Captain rallies on The Outrunners!

Dean fires haymakers and LARIATS! Then a back drop for Truth! The fans fire up as Dean runs in to give Turbo a FLYING BACK ELBOW! Dean goes corner to corner, blocks Truth’s boots, and puts him in ropes for an ENZIGIRI! Truth flops down, Turbo takes a swing, but Dean slips around to DDT! Dean kips up, the fans fire up, and they join Dean in an “OORAH!” JUMP ELBOW DROP! Cover, Truth breaks it! Truth TOSSES Dean out, but Bravo runs up! CARLIE CROSSOVER! Down goes Truth, but Turbo CLUBS Bravo! BIG back suplex! But Dean’s up top! FLYING SPLASH! Cover, Truth runs in, but Dean moves! The AX HANDLE hits Turbo!

Truth panics and apologizes, but then sees Dean! Truth wants mercy, but then he goes to poke eyes! Dean blocks those, bends those fingers, but Turbo CLUBS Dean down! The Outrunners shift into gear, MIAMI OVER- NO, Dean slips around and the BOOT hits Truth! Tag to Bravo and they get Turbo, for BOOT CAMP! Cover, Infantry wins!

Winners: The Infantry, by pinfall

Often imitated, never duplicated! The one, true Russian Leg Sweep Boot combo shines through, and that’s no cap! Dean & Bravo finally settle things with Turbo & Truth, will they march forward to settle things with The Undisputed Kingdom next?

 

Matthew Menard & Angelo Parker speak.

Cool Hand Ange tells Daddy Magic that things have been rather weird lately, to say the least. Not too long ago, Parker was on Rampage, going to make an announcement he told no one about, and the truth is, he was ready to retire. He felt he didn’t have anything left to fight for. Then he got the biggest news of his entire life, he found out he’s gonna be a dad! And if that doesn’t light a fire under your ass, then what does? So now, Ruby Soho is going to be at home, being a mom to their child, and Parker had to think, “What’s next?” Then he realized, there is a hell of a lot to fight for now, isn’t there?

Menard says how ’bout it? Ruby’s at home, nesting. Cool Hand Ange has priorities in order and Menard loves it! And tell ya right now, Menard has a problem with The Undisputed Kingdom. The ROH World Tag Team Champions, right? So how about this? They get the van, they pack it up, and they start taking a road trip! Van, train, airplane, who cares?! They’re heading to a certain place called The Promised Land! So get ready, boys! No doubt! Ever-Rise, 2Point0, X-JAS, will the next titles Menard & Parker go by be ROH World Tag Team Champions?

 

ROH World Tag Team Championships Proving Grounds: The Undisputed Kingdom VS The Qrown!

Speaking of, Matt Taven & Mike Bennett are here to defend those titles! Or at least, make teams earn their way to a shot at the titles. Will The Kingdom check another team off the list? Or will Leonis & Maximus Khan be one step away from the crown?

The teams sort out, Bennett starts against Leonis, and the Code of Honor is kept. The bell rings, the fans rally up, and the two circle. They tie up, and the bigger Leonis powers Bennett to the corner. The ref counts, Leonis lets off, but Bennett kicks low! Bennett CHOPS, then brings Leonis around to ROCK him! Bennett stomps and CHOPS Leonis, then tags Taven. The Kingdom double whip, dropkick the legs out then Taven ELBOW DROPS! Cover, TWO! Taven throws down hands, stomps Leonis over and over, even at the ropes! Taven CHOKES Leonis, lets off, and the fans cheer as Taven tags Bennett.

Taven CHOPS Leonis, Bennett stomps and CHOPS, then ROCKS him again! And stomps, and ROCKS! Bennett ROCKS Leonis again, talks trash, then tags Taven. Taven CHOPS and CHOPS and CHOPS! Taven then reels Leonis in, but Leonis throws body shots! Taven CLUBS Leonis down, tags Bennett, and they bring Leonis in. But Leonis powers out, ROCKS Taven, then ROCKS Bennett! Leonis throws haymakers, then an UPPERCUT for Bennett! Then Leonis catches Taven to OVERHEAD SUPLEX him away! Maximus reaches out but Bennett whips Leonis into a BOOT! Bennett FOREARMS, Taven LARIATS! Bennett covers, TWO!

The fans rally and Bennett stomps Leonis. Bennett CHOPS Leonis, tells him to get up, then brings him to a neutral corner. Bennett ROCKS Leonis, brings him over, and tags Taven. Taven fires up Daily’s Place before he swings, but Leonis dodges to CHOP! And CHOP! Taven knees low, tags Bennett, and The Kingdom double whip. Leonis holds ropes, KICKS Bennett, then TOSSES Taven! Bennett kicks Leonis first, then reels him in, but Leonis back drops free! Hot tag to Maximus! Maximus rallies on The Kingdom with big LARIATS! Bennett runs up, Maximus dodges then URENAGES! The fans fire up with Maximus and he brings Bennett up.

But Taven springboards, KICK OF THE KING! Bennett BLASTS Leonis, Taven goes up! HAIL MARY PILEDRIVER!! Cover, The Kingdom wins!

Winners: The Undisputed Kingdom, by pinfall (denies The Qrown a title opportunity)

Taven & Bennett just showed The Qrown aren’t #NeckStrong enough, and now The Kingdom is moving on. But will they soon cross paths with Menard & Parker?

 

JD Drake speaks.

“You ever been lost? Lord knows I have. I’ve been lost for the last month. In light of recent events, my brain’s been foggy, I haven’t been able to articulate words, I don’t know whether I’m coming or going. It’s showing up in my in-ring work, it’s showing up in my personal life at home. Hell, it’s showing in my bowling game at home, too. The other night during league, I asked myself, ‘Hey, where do I go from here?'” JD asked the lady cashier for change on $5, he only got back four bills. Three ones, and a $2! Yeah, a real $2, those still exists.

JD says his grandfather recently passed away, February of this year, God rest his soul, would put a $2 in every grandchild’s picture frame. JD once asked why he did that, he said it’s because they’re gonna need to talk to him one day, and this $2 was gonna be the message. Granddad would also say, when times get tough, you’ve got two choices: quit, or tighten your bootstraps up and get back to work. So while the Workhorsmen may not be a thing for the foreseeable future, time for JD to be a workhorse man. The Blue Collar Badass is gonna punch in, knockout, and give ROH a $2 ass kicking. Scrap Metal is ready to scrap, will he turn that $2 into championship gold?

 

The Iron Savages speak.

Bulk Bronson says, “Underappreciated. Underutilized. Undervalued. We, the Iron Savages, have been parading around like a circus act for an entire year, winning over the hearts of the ROH fans and keeping them all entertained.” Jacked Jameson asks, “Are we in any tournaments?” Bronson & Boulder both say, “No.” Are they on any PPVs? No. And y’know what? No more goofy savages, no more popping the crowd! Boulder says the adoration is not bringing them success. Time for the Iron Savages, yes, the Iron Savages, to live up to their potential! Jameson says frankly, fat morons and skinny idiots don’t deserve their entertainment.

They aren’t changing their game plan, it just means they’re done winning over “Low T losers!” They’re just gonna win. They’re sippin’ sauce, livin’ hoss, and EVERYBODY is going to #TiddyCity! Will these three start tearing their way through the ROH Tag & Trios Divisions until they’re sinking their teeth into titles?

 

Aaron Solo VS Jon Cruz!

Aaron is tired of riding solo and going nowhere, so in order to get back in the good graces of Johnny TV, he’s gotta get that W back! Or in this case, he just has to get wins period! Will he be able to do that here at Daily’s Place where he became All Elite? Or will Serpentico’s human friend get his own great homecoming win?

Cruz gets the fans fired up as he offers The Code of Honor. Solo takes it, the bell rings, and then Solo kicks low! Solo DECKS Cruz, has him in a corner, and bumps him off buckles. Solo stomps a mudhole in, digs his boots in and laughs, but lets off as the ref counts. Solo brings Cruz up, snap suplexes, then smiles as he soaks up the heat. Cruz flounders, the fans rally, but Solo throws hands. Solo whips, Cruz ducks ‘n’ dodges and RANAS! Solo flounders, Cruz keeps moving and he LARIATS! The fans fire up with Cruz and he brings Solo around. Cruz scoops to POWERSLAM, then fires up as he shakes the ropes!

The fans cheer as Cruz points to a corner. Cruz goes up, aims, and then FROG SPLASH FLOPS as Solo moves! GERMAN SUPLEX! Cruz springs up but Solo gives him the DREAMCAST KICK! Cover, Solo wins!

Winner: Aaron Solo, by pinfall

Solo makes sure Johnny TV saw that! There’s the first win, will he get more and more until he proves he’s TV Ready like Johnny & Taya?

 

Queen Aminata VS Robyn Renegade!

The One and Only African Woman Wrestler is an uncrowned queen here in ROH, but she is going to fight her way back up to her revenge! Will she be unstoppable as she chases down Athena and Billie Starkz? Or will this Renegade defy Aminata’s authority?

The Code of Honor is kept, the bell rings, and the fans rally for Aminata with “YES, QUEEN!” The two tie up, Aminata headlocks and she grinds Renegade. Renegade brings Aminata down, pops out the back and headlocks in return. Aminata endures, brings Renegade to her knee, and pops out the back to wrench, step over, and twerk attack! The fans cheer but Renegade is frustrated. Aminata hammerlocks, headlocks and hits the takeover. Renegade moves around, fights up, and powers up, only for Aminata to hold on tight. Aminata wrenches, Robyn breaks free and ENZIGIRIS! Then BACKSTABBER!

Aminata crawls, Robyn soaks up the heat and she kicks rocks before she runs up. Aminata puts Renegade on the apron, shoulders in but gets a DOUBLE STOMP for it! Renegade talks trash, kicks Aminata to the floor, then brings her back up to put her in the ring. Renegade brings Aminata up, reels her in, but Aminata turns things into a cradle! TWO, and Aminata runs up to LARIAT! Renegade gets up, Aminata LARIATS again! Renegade swings, but into a spin, snapmare, and PENALTY KICK! Back of the onion bag with that one! Aminata fires the fans up, runs side to side, and she DROPKICKS Renegade through ropes!

Aminata reminds us, she’s the one and only! But then we see Athena & Billie watching this backstage! Athena whispers something to Billie, perhaps some opening or weakness in Aminata’s game. Billie seems to concur while Aminata scuffs Renegade. Cover, TWO! Renegade holds on but Aminata brings her up. Alabama Lift, but Renegade sunset flips and high stacks! TWO, and Renegade swings, but into a wrench and facelock, snap suplex! Emphasis on the snap as Renegade flounders to a corner. The fans fire up and Aminata runs corner to corner, but Renegade ELBOWS back! Renegade runs in, gets around, half nelson FACEBUSTER!

Renegade sits Aminata up, runs and SHOTGUNS her down! Cover, TWO! Aminata is tougher than that but Renegade snarls. The fans taunt Renegade, “ROBYN SUCKS!” Renegade drags Aminata up, fireman’s carries, and swing into the DEATH VALLEY DRIVER! Cover, TWO! Aminata stays in this but clutches her neck and back. Robyn is frustrated, but she drags Aminata up. Robyn DOUBLE CHOPS! Aminata is annoyed, but Robyn pushes her around. Robyn winds up, Aminata BOOTS the lariat, then DOUBLE CHOPS in return! And CHOPS again! And waistlocks, to GERMAN SUPLEX!

Robyn ends up in the corner again, and Aminata runs up, SWEET HIP MUSIC! But Aminata goes side to side to add the BOOT WASH!! Aminata says it is done now! She drags Robyn back up to HEADBUTT, Alabama Lift, and AIR RAID CRASH! Cover, Aminata wins!

Winner: Queen Aminata, by pinfall

Athena & Billie are not happy with that result, they storm off. Aminata is not just ready, she is looking better than ever! Will not even The Fallen Goddess be able to deny The Queen her crown?


My Thoughts:

A very good episode of ROH, mostly because it was under an hour. Yes, I still skipped things but c’mon, it was obvious Nyla was going to win, as were Liona and The Dark Order. Great opener from Infantry VS Outrunners to settle their feud, and I love that the Outrunners went as far as to get a female member of the team to parody Adora, just as I was thinking they would. Great win for Infantry, they’ll definitely get back in the ROH Tag title conversation in time for the next ROH PPV. And very good Proving Ground match, good showing for The Qrown in their first ROH match. But even so, of course The Kingdom was winning.

As such, we got a really good promo from Menard & Parker. I really hope they get a strong showing here in ROH now that they’re teaming together again. And there’s still Maria wanting Griff & Karter going after the titles, there’s needs to be something big in the works for the ROH Tag Division. And really good promo from JD Drake. Granted, this is another case where Tony Khan does something in his booking/running of the company that kinda forces his talent into these worked shoot promos, what with Anthony Henry being released while he’s injured. But JD did a great job referencing that without having to say it, and I hope he gets going in the singles division.

Good promo from The Iron Savages to officially go Heel, but given the unified AEW & ROH Trios champs are also Heels, we aren’t seeing Bronson, Boulder & Jameson holding gold any time soon. Good match from Solo, but I was hoping he’d have to struggle a little longer before he could win and do what Johnny TV dared him to do. And then very good match from Aminata VS Robyn, especially with the detail of Athena & Billie watching. Aminata of course wins, and I would think she skips revenge on Billie to go right to the head of the snake. Aminata VS Athena will be a great match, and really should be the moment Athena passes on the torch as far as being ROH Women’s World Champion.

My Score: 8.6/10


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