OKAY! So we all know I’m just hype to get to the main event and hopefully see Alex Shelley win the title. So I’ll do the whole “here’s my picks” cheap way to do an intro, and then into the coverage.

Predictions:

• X Division Match – Bailey retains (because I hate Jack Evans)
• Maclin vs Callihan – Callihan wins (because Moose needs a reason to get involved)
• VBD vs Motor City Time – VBD win (because they need relevance)
• Honor No More vs Bullet Club – Honor No More win (because Impact made me like Matt Taven)
• Bandido vs Rey Horus: Bandido wins (because he’s already got more name recognition)
• Knockouts: Jordynne Grace vs Mia Yim: Jordynne wins (because they hot shot belts to new people too much)
• World Title: Alex Shelley vs Josh Alexander: Alex Shelley wins (because I want him to)

Now on to the show!

It's MAIN EVENT TIME!

For the FIRST TIME EVER @fakekinkade and @Walking_Weapon go head to head for the @IMPACTWRESTLING World Championship! #EMERGENCE pic.twitter.com/kzAc1a6uGP

— IMPACT (@IMPACTWRESTLING) August 13, 2022

Ratings:

• X Division Championship: Speedball Mike Bailey (c) vs Jack Evans: Bailey retains via Ultima Weapon – * 1/2
• Steve Maclin vs Sami Callihan: Never Happened
• VBD (Eric Young & Deaner w/Joe Doering) vs Motor City Time (Kushida & Chris Sabin): EY wins via Piledriver – *** 1/4
• AAA Attraction Match: Bandido vs Rey Horus: Bandido wins via 21Plex – ***
• NODQ Anything Goes: Steve Maclin vs Sami Callihan: Callihan wins via Cactus Driver ’97 – *** 3/4
• Honor No More (Mike Bennett, Matt Taven, Vincent, PCO & Eddie Edwards w/Maria) vs Bullet Club (Doc Gallows, Karl Anderson, Hikuleo, Ace Austin, Chris Bey): Taven wins via Climax into Trash Can – *** 1/4
• Knockouts World Championship: Jordynne Grace (c) vs Mia Yim: Grace retains via Grace Driver – *** 3/4
• IMPACT World Heavyweight Championship: Josh Alexander (c) vs Alex Shelley: Josh retains via C4 Spike – *****

Results:

X Division Championship: Speedball Mike Bailey (c) vs Jack Evans

It should be no surprise from previous coverage, I like nothing about Jack Evans. Bad look, no psychology, all stupid flips and cheap heel gimmicks. I’m ecstatic that we get the match with the worst wrestler out of the way immediately. 

Evans dives at Speedball’s legs, tries to get some cheap Roll-Ups, typical heel powder, bait into the corner, cheap shot but Bailey manages a Top Wristlock to slow down Evans. Evans Cartwheels out, two stupid High Risk misses, a few more dumb spots and then they meet in the middle with dueling Crossbodies. The early goings, really looks slow and stupid.

Kick Fight, Bailey gets the best of it, Dropkick, Dive, throws him back in, powders out, another dive, throws him back in, another powder and Bailey hits the old Will Ospreay fake dive, before trying to get Evans back in. Baits Bailey to the rope, catches him and then Slingshot Jecht Shot into a Muta Lock, but again, these are just moves with no real story. So congrats he’s agile and flexibile I suppose.

Random Snap Suplex for a 2. The match slows down to molasses in a mayo jar, Bailey tries to counter an Irish Whip, but Evans catches him. Still a super slow Rocket Launcher attempt that Bailey counters and kicks Evans in the face. A few more kicks and then a Corkscrew Shooting Star for 2. Delayed really dumb Cartwheel Back Elbow from Evans, into a Suplex and then Falcon Arrow. But Evans’ offense is just bad, he’s like if you ordered Kid Kash on Wish.

An awful and slow Double Kick spot actually has me laughing at how awful this is. I really enjoy Speedball, but god he can’t carry a match with a wrestler not worth the hot dog or handshake he was promised. Lame Dropkick from Bailey, Escalera Moonsault gets the sympathy pop from the crowd, but this needs to end soon. Apron Triangle Kick from Evans, throws in Bailey, Blockbuster gives Evans a near fall. Evans to the top, Bailey tries to cut him off, Evans fights him off twice, but Bailey keeps rising. Sloppy Spider Suplex from Evans, Evans goes for a spot, Bailey moves, Evans heads to the corner, Tornado Kick spot that Evans takes poorly (might’ve been a receipt for the bad Spider Suplex), Ultima Weapon from Bailey and he retains. Thankfully.

Honor No More segment with Eddie trying to fire up the troops. I’ll say this, he’s become a better talker, but he’s still not close to good. I would like Honor No More to win, but it feels like the way to write them out. Here’s to hoping even if they lose, a few of them stick around as official Impact wrestlers.

Steve Maclin vs Sami Callihan

Maclin attacks Sami during his entrance, and they just brawl. The bell never rings, Sami grabs a chair, the referee tries to stop him, Sami shoves the ref but Maclin counters. Maclin tries to use the chair, the referee tries to stop him and Sami and Maclin both bully the referee and shove him to the ground before continuing to brawl.

They just go out through the crowd, continuing to fight as commentary claims the match never took place but the show must go on, so we go to the tag match!

VBD (Eric Young & Deaner w/Joe Doering) vs Motor City Time (Kushida & Chris Sabin)

Kushida and Young start off, the crowd starts the Kushida chant and Young hops out to admonish the crowd for chanting for Kushida. EY slides back in and pushes Kushida into the corner and muscles him over a little before tagging Deaner in. Deaner tries to go for the Deaner DDT early, but Kushida counters with a few short arm tackles, a lot of wrist control and then quick tags and fun tandem work.

Tandem Forward Roll Body Scissors into the Kushida PK Kick to the left arm already starts the foreshadowing on the Hoverboard Lock. EY sneak attacks Kushida during a rope run giving Deaner the opportunity to tag out, EY a few quick spots, then Kushida kicks him over the top rope, Flair Flop and stumble to the turnbuckle, a little shenanigans and EY ends up with the advantage still. Rude Awakening style Neckbreaker for a 2 count from EY before tagging in Deaner and hitting a Double Boot Face Sandwich on the apron against Kushida.

VBD keep peppering in quick tags against Kushida, and it’s working pretty well. They keep him in the corner and do their version of the Unicorn Stampede, as Kushida tries to fight back but EY drops Sabin off the apron. Fastball Special punches as both VBD men are doubled over, Kushida literally runs up and over the men, rolls off to tag in Sabin. Clears house a bit, hints at Cradle Shock on Deaner, but EY gets him. EY tries to do the MCMG reference of the 5 Hole Dive, but Kushida breaks it up and they pull off their own version. Cradle Shock/Pele Combo gets a 2 count because EY slides in to break it up. EY takes control, sets up Deaner to receive his tag and things he can land the Piledriver on Sabin. Double Neckbreakers, into the Canadian Savage aerial moves before Kushida breaks it up. VBD almost slows him down before a back hand spring Double Back Elbow has everyone laid out for a moment. Rising Fighting Spirit spot, VBD take short cuts, but get Irish Whipped, Do-si-do, doesn’t matter, High Speed Dirt into a Cravat/Cartwheel Dropkick. Deaner grabs a weapon, Doering bonks Kushida and EY gets the job done with the Piledriver.

VBD needed the win here, so I’m glad they did what they needed to, to have them remain a somewhat credible force before it all eventually implodes. 

VXT gloats a little after their Knockouts Tag Title victory on the pre-show. Deonna is gold, so it’s always nice when she’s wearing some. 

Kenny King comes out to try and bait out Heath. I don’t mind Kenny, but his promos can be corny as hell sometimes. Some cheap shots at the Bears, then a little reference to Chicago stuff, but Sami and Maclin make their way back through the crowd to distract Kenny. Heath runs down the ramp when Kenny ain’t looking, Wake Up Call after a missed Chairshot and Kenny gets left laying. Gia grabs a quick interview with Heath and the crowd responds well to him. He says he’s not gonna interfere in the 5v5, so here’s to hoping that Honor No More win, since Heath can’t continue his Wake Up Call Revenge Tour if they disband.

AAA Attraction Match: Bandido vs Rey Horus

Bandido looks like he’s having to slow down by a step or two in the early goings. Horus is just not ready to go at the speed Bandido is and its evident from Horus not ducking in time so he eats a boot while he’s obviously trying to dodge. It’s a bunch of moves pretty quick, and honestly I can’t tell what’s actually being countered, missed or just mistimed. So this early portion is not starting off good.

Things finally start to slow down when Bandido hits the Plancha, tries to continue into the ring and eats a Dropkick. Three Amigos from Bandido with the Eddie Shake before dropping down into a Worm, Handstand Senton for 2. Bandido on the outside, thought he was clever walking away, but Horus changes his angles and then jumps over the corner to land on Bandido. 180 Frog Splash from Horus for 2. Bandido has to try and fire back up, and does so as he counters the rope run with a Single Arm Gorilla Press, into a Running Leg Lariat for 2.

Horus hits a Avalanche Satellite Tornado DDT, but the worst thing is it just looked too cooperative. Was it cool? Fucking yes. But it was just too much and looked kinda dumb at the same time. Outside-In Lifting Avalanche Vertical Suplex from Bandido onto Horus for a near fall. Pop Up Cutter is a little sloppy during the run, run continues as Horus hits his own Body Roll Cutter, then a double knockout kick takes us to a 9 count (in Spanish) and a double sit up ala Kane and Taker.

I’ll be honest, if I shut my brain off and just watched, it’s definitely entertaining and fun. But the match has been one hell of a mess at many points. Popping Satellite DDT from Horus gives him another 2 count. Horus goes to the top, Bandido cuts him off, Benadryller from Bandido, 21Plex for the win!

I can give it a 3 for entertainment value, but holy hell was it a mess. 

Moose gives an interviewing denying being in cahoots with Maclin again, but Sami attacks Moose and the fight is continuing. Moose is now mad so he adds himself into this crazy brawl. D’lo finally calls in security to stop the brawl in general. SCOTT D’AMORE music hits! Scott makes it a NODQ Anything Goes match, but Moose is barred from Ringside.

Steve Maclin vs Sami Callihan (con’t)

Sami smashes Maclin’s head into the steel steps and takes a bow after the bell officially rings. Maclin is busted open and Sami is relishing in this whole situation until Maclin moves near the guardrail, Callihan gets put in the Tree of Woe and Caught in the Crosshairs on the guardrail! Suplex and then Maclin lands a Knee Drop from the apron right onto Callihan’s face.

Maclin pulls out 3 chairs and a Swiffer, Chicago pops for the Swiffer. Maclin asks if they want it…and then he throws it away, flips them off and grabs a chair to a chorus of Boos. Small “We Want Swiffer” chant but Maclin eats a T-Bone Suplex into the chair. Sami Sabu’s a chair into Maclin’s face. Another chair, another Sabu, but this time he gets the pony because it wraps around Maclin’s head like a necklace.

Thumbs Up, Thumbs…nope Low Blow. Maclin goes to down driving a chair into Sami’s ribs. Maclin grabs an equipment case with Wire Cutters, Zip Ties, Cables…it’s a box of goodies. K.I.A. from Maclin and Maclin refuses to end the match like that. He’s psyching up and looking to Zip Tie Callihan. Low Mule Kick gives Callihan the advantage. Sabu the chair a third time, “My Balls, your balls” and Sami just stomps the shit out of Maclin’s balls. Deonna is gonna be very upset with Sami after this match.

Sami goes for the Zip Ties on Maclin and has him with his hands tied behind his back. Maclin stays defiant to the end, spits at Callihan, Cactus Driver ’97, and Sami wins.

Honor No More (Mike Bennett, Matt Taven, Vincent, PCO & Eddie Edwards w/Maria) vs Bullet Club (Doc Gallows, Karl Anderson, Hikuleo, Ace Austin, Chris Bey)

It goes without saying that Honor No More should remain, plus with Bullet Club randomly using Hikuleo who hasn’t been on Impact television since GoD was still part of BC, he’s probably the fall guy. Even Vincent has more worth to Impact right now than Hikuleo. 

Bell rings and we get an ole 10 man donnybrook. Just slugfests and a few people get thrown out piece by piece before starting to pair up and then take the neutral corners. Good Brothers are double teaming Vincent early, but OGK slide into interrupt it. Gallows hits the Double Lariat to try and slow things down, but Gallows is in pain after his PCO match 2 weeks ago. Eddie cuts off someone, Bey and Ace double team Eddie to give BC a short advantage before Vincent comes back to life.

Big Triangle Kick from Ace wipes out Vincent. Ace of Beyse stand tall until they try and go after PCO, now they have problems. PCO and Hikuleo have their monster face off. One of Hikuleo’s strikes are worth about 3 of PCOs. Hikuleo dumps out PCO, Bey launches off of Hikuleo and takes out most of the HNM members. Hikuleo is about to dive, but Taven cuts him off just to get Yeeted into a pile of bodies. Ace hits a Diving Fold on a climbs Taven, into most of the dudes.

Weapons come out, and more chants for the Swiffer to return.  We have hit clusterfuck level for this match. 10 people is bad enough, little to no referee control, weapons and showboating to different camera cuts. Not a bad thing per se, but definitely makes things messier and easier to turn into garbage. Funny camera cut has Eddie Edwards crotching Ace with the ring post. Just revenge for when he tried to bang his wife. OGK has been doing a lot of the in ring work, but with trying to keep attention across 10 people, it’s just too much to watch. PCO misses the PCO-sault and Gallows drags him up the ramp just to eat Double Superkicks from OGK.

They drag Gallows into the crowd, we have no clue what else is going on, but Gallows fights back as PCO gets back up to his feet. Gallows and PCO fight amongst the people, Gallows tosses PCO over a second floor railing and into the Shadow Realm or something. Technically it’s 4v5 for now. Vincent Redrum’s Gallows through a table. So…someone is dead there. Eddie grabs Kenny and beats Karl with Kenny. Something oddly specific about that, but Gallows gets back up with the adrenaline surge, throws some fists and garbage cans before crumpling down. Gallows arm gives out for the Magic Killer, they wipe out Anderson, Taven hits the Climax on Gallows into a garbage can and Honor No More win!

The match totally fell apart, PCO getting sent to the Shadow Realm was a pop that didn’t really do anything aside from pop the crowd. Bey, Ace and Hikuleo weren’t really seen for the last 5 minutes of the match, at least. So yeah, over booked, sloppy, but…God dammit it was fun and the right team won.

Knockouts World Championship: Jordynne Grace (c) vs Mia Yim

Both women go for an almost Japanese Junior style of stalemate wrestling. No real power advantage from either, not strikes thrown, both are just looking for leverage and opportunities. Poor Mia tries to anticipate a Leap Frog and eats the Manhattan Drop into Low Dropkick and then a Bridging Suplex for 1. Mia slides around with a trip, Low Dropkick of her own, Hesitation Dropkick, Jordynne powders and then Mia goes after her with a dive. Slides her back in for a 1 count.

Mia is getting a little cocky with the Snap Kicks. Jordynne tries to Suplex out of Mia’s offense, but Mia body scissors and locks in a Guillotine. It takes Jordynne a hot minute to power through the Guillotine to suplex counter it. Jordynne tried to Sunset Bomb, but Mia does a great job fighting it. Kicks her legs, holds the ropes, really looks like she’s trying not to go over, but eventually falls victim. Slow rise, and strike spot. Mia trades a few Forearms, then starts responding with Round Kicks. Jordynne keeps popping up, they trade, Sole Butt, Kawada Kicks and Jordynne shoves Mia a bit too hard so she falls into the ropes instead of bouncing off right, but it doesn’t look awful.

Jordynne goes for a Muta Lock of all things, I didn’t know she could do that, though I feel like she pulled it off once before, it’s still not something she does a lot. Mia counters and they have one another in Reverse Chinlocks and just slap the hell out of each other. It takes a headbutt from Mia to actually cause a recovery spot for both. Step Through Tornado DDT from Mia, for 2.

Classic Tornado attempt, held on, Muscle Buster from Jordynne, but Mia kicks out! They fight to the top turnbuckle, Mia gets the best, Avalanche Code Blue for…2.9! Nice reference back to her Jade days. Locomotion Cradles, Eat Defeat counter, Protect Ya Neck counter and Jordynne turns it into a Grace Driver for the pinfall victory!

Masha’s music hits right before Mia and Jordynne shake hands and she hands a death warrant to Jordynne Grace. I wasn’t sure if they’d sky rocket Masha to the top…so now we see if she stays as a Wrecking Machine or if Grace knocks her down a peg.

IMPACT World Heavyweight Championship: Josh Alexander (c) vs Alex Shelley

GIVE ME AN ALEX SHELLEY WIN! You can’t steal my Cheerios! Just let me mark out a let you jerks! 

Josh and Alex start slow, the normal feeling out style, but as Josh tries to apply his power, Alex grinds in a headlock and keeps things slow. A few quick strikes, Frakensteiner, Josh’s head gear fell off and Alex has a little fun.

Inverted Indian Deathlock as Alex claws at Josh’s face just rubbing in the advantageous position. Alex ducks into the ropes to break the Arm Wringer, Josh didn’t so he ducked back in to use the rope to trap Josh’s arm and get in a cheap but clever kick. Josh evens things up after a few run through Shoulder Tackles since Josh is really focusing on Alex’s left arm. Now Josh is finally grabbing at the legs, which makes more sense.

Gory Special into a backslide for a quick count and then Shelley keeps a few precision strikes at Josh’s arm to soften him up for the Border City Stretch. Naciente into a Border City attempt, but he couldn’t quite lock it in. Alex is enjoying going after the different injuries that he made sure Josh knew he was aware of, so Josh retaliates with that Low Diving Crossbody.

Knees, Hamstrings and Dragon Screw attacks from Alex as he’s really trying to dissect the champion. He could be trying to do too much, but it’s smart. Seated Cloverleaf into a Koji Kimura Lock combination. Alex is putting on a clinic at the moment. Rolling Elbow shades of Kotaro Suzuki in how he did it. Josh almost starts a comeback but Alex stifles it.

Power Struggle in the middle, but Josh eventually pulls off the Fisherman’s Suplex as they both take a beat to recover. Alex tries to stop the onslaught of Haymakers, but just gets molly whopped. Exploder Suplex from Josh sends Shelley to the center, Josh goes for a King Kong Knee Drop and misses. Shelley lays out Josh with a Tornado DDT, goes to the top, shrugs, Frog Splash for 2 and then Josh hooks the Ankle Lock but Alex gets to the rope.

After this point I just got engrossed and watched instead of typed. This was a hell of a match. Needs to be searched out by anyone who enjoys great wrestling and in-ring story telling. 

Overall Score: 8/10

So there was something charming about this show, even if it started with one of my least favorite wrestlers in all of wrestling. The match that turned into a brawl for like an hour than finally a NoDQ match was VERY old school TNA and I enjoyed the camp of the situation. It was definitely an oddly paced show with a few consecutive segments of non-wrestling and just gimmick or interview, but the last few matches saved things for me.

Lucha in general is a car crash style of wrestling that I’m very hot and cold on, but when it’s done well, it’s fucking beautiful. Bandido versus Rey Horus, was more like Jersey Shore. I can’t stop watching the awful situations, but I leave amused and feeling okay about myself; so I suppose generally positive outcome. Back to back hardcore matches are usually bad booking, but Maclin was committed to his match and that made it beautiful; while the Honor No More match was a mess, but checked enough “sports entertainment” boxes to be more than just a correct finish. Jordynne and Mia worked their assess off, there were just a couple clunky spots that stopped me from getting totally hype. And of course, the Shelley vs Alexander match was actually objectively fantastic. While I loved Sabin vs Shelley, there was definitely nostalgia and general marking out for both of them going on; I would put this match against anything else in anyone’s MOTY pool.

The wrong guy won, but damn was it a fantastic match. Solid PPV, started slow, but when it picked up, it went at the speed of a freight train. Good stuff.