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Mitchell’s WWE Monday Night Raw Live Report! (3/26/18)

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All images courtesy of the WWE’s official Twitter.

 

OFFICIAL RESULTS

  • Mickie James w/ Alexa Bliss VS Nia Jax; Nia wins.
  • Cedric Alexander & Mustafa Ali VS TJP & Drew Gulak; Alexander & Ali win.
  • Asuka VS Jamie Frost; Asuka wins.
  • Braun Strowman VS Sheamus w/ Cesaro; Strowman wins.
  • The Balor Club’s Good Brothers VS The Miztourage; The Balor Club wins.
  • Elias VS Rhyno w/ Heath Slater; Elias wins.
  • No Disqualifications: John Cena VS Kane; Cena wins.

PLAY BY PLAY

The Beast is in Cleveland!

Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman head to the ring just two weeks away from the Universal Championship match. That is, if Roman Reigns is healthy enough to challenge him. The Advocate introduces himself and says that days before “conquering the Grandest Stage of Them All”, the “reigning, defending, undisputed Universal Champion” is here seven days after the “savage beating” he put on his contender. Heyman may be one of the best speakers in pro-wrestling, not even he can put words to the “graphic footage” he shows us. It was last week that Roman Reigns defied the suspension ordered by Vince McMahon, and the authorities came to arrest him. Roman lashed out against them, but then Lesnar ambushed and assaulted Roman. Lesnar made sure his contender would need medical attention, and still laughs about it even now.

This is the part where news shows would say “Breaking News”, the suspension on Roman has been lifted. Therefore, for everyone’s beating hearts, someone might interrupt Heyman with music, and Roman will come out for a fight. But more “Breaking News” from Heyman: Roman Reigns is not here tonight. And those who think they know the script, Heyman can’t give credit to Lesnar, because Roman was raised by a WWE legend father and uncle, as well as all the other Samoan Dynasty relatives. They all raised Roman to be the Samoan Badass, the competitor and fighter and wrestler and winner! So it’s a shame they didn’t raise Roman to be a man. A man would still be here tonight, but Heyman and Lesnar aren’t the ones who said anything. Roman says he’s always here, advertised or not. But this time, he’s NOT, just weeks before Wrestlemania!

If things went the other way, Roman dressed MMA trainees up as Marshals and had them tie Lesnar up so Roman could beat him up to death, Lesnar would still be here, put the title down, and call Roman out! But Roman is NOT man enough to do it. Heyman doesn’t need proof for that, because Roman isn’t man enough to be here and take another beating. That is also why Roman won’t be man enough to take the title from BROCK LESNAR! Wait, someone is here, though. It’s ROMAN REIGNS!

The Big Dog and #1 contender makes his way to the ring, with a steel chair in hand, but Lesnar gets to him first! Lesnar drags Roman up, but Roman shoves him into a post! Roman picks that chair up again, and SMACKS Lesnar in the back, and SMACKS him again. Roman can barely keep himself up, but he still SMACKS Lesnar with the chair. Then, he LEAPS, but into a belly2belly suplex!

Lesnar shakes the dizzying stars out of his head, and then picks up steel steps. He aims at Roman, and SMASHES Roman in the face! Lesnar tosses the stairs into the ring, then drags Roman up into the ring, too. Lesnar fetches the chair, bent and dented as it is, and brings it with him. He enters the ring, holds up the stairs, and SMASHES Roman again!

The fans are a mix of cheers and jeers as Roman barely stirs on the mat. Lesnar has the chair again, and keeps the referees back before he SMACKS Roman again, and again, and again! Fans want “One More Time!” and Lesnar hits Roman one more time! Lesnar exits the ring and Heyman hands him the title back. Except Lesnar isn’t done yet. He returns to the ring, and brings Roman up again, for the F5 on the steps! Lesnar then stands over Roman and atop the steps, like a podium as he holds onto his Universal Championship. Will Lesnar finally finish Roman off once and for all at Wrestlemania?

 

Mickie James w/ Alexa Bliss VS Nia Jax!

After WWE’s Mean Girls got caught on camera laughing at the Irresistible Force, the Goddess and Kickie James were running for their lives. However, Raw General Manager, Kurt Angle, has made it so that Nia will get sweet revenge, with a Raw Women’s Championship match at Wrestlemania! Will the six time Women’s Champion even be a speed bump for Nia on her way to destroy Alexa?

The bell rings, and Mickie narrowly avoids Nia. They tie up, Nia shoves Mickie down. They circle and Nia throws Mickie sideways, so Mickie gets out of the ring. Nia waits for Mickie to return while we go to break.

Raw returns and Nia stomps away on Mickie in a corner. Then she throws her across the way, before throwing her back the other way. Mickie tries to escape but Nia is on her at the ropes, by her hair. Nia lets go at the ref’s count, Micke slaps Nia, but then runs away. Alexa distracts, Mickie pounces with a chop block and kick to Nia’s head. Mickie gets back in the ring and waits for the ring count, but Nia is up at 4 and in at 7. Mickie kicks her right away, but Nia shoves her back.

Nia ends up in a corner and Mickie keeps on kicking the legs. Nia throws Mickie down by her hair, but Mickie dropkicks the knee. Mickie tries for the DDT but Nia holds the ropes. Nia suddenly scoops and slams Mickie! She goes for the leg drop but Mickie dodges, to boot Nia down. Cover, TWO, another try, TWO again. Mickie clubs away on Nia but Nia powers out of teh DDT again. Nia runs at MIckie but misses, hitting buckles. Mickie kicks out the bad leg, then climbs up top. She kicks Nia away but Nia comes back to trophy lift and Samoan Drop Mickie! Cover, Nia wins!

Winner: Nia Jax, by pinfall

But then Alexa Bliss attacks! Not that it did much…

Alexa knows she messed that one up. Nia stands up and fans cheer her on, Nia chases Alexa out of the ring. Alexa gets away to the ramp, but Nia lets her that she won’t be able to run forever, because this is going to be settled at Wrestlemania, “you little b*tch!” Nia exits the ring and Alexa finishes running away. Will the Irresistible Force flatten the Goddess once and for all on the Grandest Stage of Them All?

 

Stephanie McMahon trains with husband, HHH, for their Wrestlemania tag team match.

“It’s unfortunate because it’s all about ego.” Ronda Rousey and Kurt Angle just had to do their jobs, but instead, Angle exposed The Authority’s ulterior motives. “Three years in the making and now we own the b*tch.” HHH says Angle was being an idiot, and that’s why it’s come to this. “This is the WWE. It’s not judo, it’s not MMA.” It’s The Authority’s world, not Rousey’s. Nothing was handed to them, they worked for everything. This training is life, and they do it better than anyone.

Joe DeFranco will confirm, The Authority are training 24/7, even when they’re not preparing for a match. Joe has prepared MMA fighters, NFL players and Olympic athletes. The Authority are up there and even exceeding those levels. Rousey is one of the world’s greatest, but Stephanie knows Rousey is vulnerable. Rousey enters the unknown. Professional wrestling has a different set of rules. Stephanie grew up in the ring, she owns the ring. Stephanie shouldn’t worry about Rousey, Rousey should worry about Stephanie. “No matter how good an athlete is, you step into somebody else’s world, you’re the underdog.” But Rousey’s arrogance will be Stephanie’s gift.

HHH and Angle have history, but now it hits a new level. Angle has lost to HHH before, so no big deal. But Rousey losing to an executive, that’ll be embarrassing. This is not the Olympics, not UFC or MMA, “this is our world. And nobody’s gonna come into our world and take us down.” The Authority isn’t afraid. Rousey will work for them. But this is just business, they’ll dust Rousey off and position her, to put things back on track. They promise to humble Rousey like all the other superstars, but will Rousey and Angle break that promise?

 

Cedric Alexander & Mustafa Ali VS TJP & Drew Gulak!

The Carolina Kid and the Pakistani Prince fought their way through the WWE Cruiserweight Championship Tournament on 205 Live and are both headed to Wrestlemania to face each other for that title. However, they’re still friends, so they’re willing to team up together tonight to face the FilAm Flash and Cruiserweight Crusader, two men they beat on their way to the finals. Can the two contenders work together to keep themselves fresh for their Wrestlemania moment?

Raw returns to this match in progress, with TJP holding Ali down in a chinlock. Ali stands up and fights out as we see 205 Live GM Drake Maverick has joined commentary.

TJP intercepts Ali, and hotshots him on the top rope to deny the tag! Cover, TWO, and TJP grows frustrated. He drags Ali up and over to scoop slam and slingshot senton on him. Gulak tags in, and TJP hands Ali off to him for the big scoop slam. Gulak covers, TWO, but Gulak just glares at Ali. Ali chops back, so Gulak chops, too. Gulak whips Ali corner to corner, then throws him with a back drop. Cover, TWO, but Gulak keeps on Ali. He wrenches Ali’s neck, so Alexander rallies the fans. Gulak scoops Ali but Ali slips out, so Gulak cheap shots Alexander. Gulak runs at Ali, Ali elbows him back, then hops up for the tornado DDT!

Both men are down, and Alexander slowly returns to his corner. They crawl for their corners, hot tags to TJP and Alexander! Alexander rallies on TJP, handspring headscissors and dropkick! The fans fire up for Alexander as he counters TJP with the back elbow. Alexander runs into  the corner but TJP puts him on the apron, so Alexander swing kicks TJP away. Springboard clothesline! Cover, Gulak breaks it just in time. Gulak grimaces as he stalks Alexander, but Ali uses TJP as a step stool to dropkick Gulak out of the ring! Then Ali builds speed to FLY onto Gulak! Alexander sees Ali, but TJP catches him with a roll up! TWO, but TJP lifts Alexander. Alexander slips out and handsprings, Ali tags in, Neuralizer to TJP! Then, Lumbar Check!

But Alexander realizes he’s not legal as Ali climbs up. 0-5-4! Ali & Alexander win!

Winners: Alexander & Ali, Ali pins

Alexander sees how sly his friend can be, but they both grin and laugh. Both men assure the other they’re ready for Wrestlemania and a golden moment, but will Alexander see Ali coming next time?

 

It’s Miz TV!

The Intercontinental Champion is greeted with “Welcome Home!” chants, but reminds us he lives in LA. Either way, The Miz brings us the “Most Must-See WWE Talk Show in History”, and before getting to his guests, he must address some personal issues. Miz likes to be open and honest, and asks the Miztourage how they feel this is going. Enjoying themselves? Good, because they should be. They’re on Monday Night Raw in front of thousands. That’s great, because Miz isn’t happy. One year ago, he brought them up to the spotlight, and how do they repay him? Failing him! If Miz wanted failure, he would’ve never left Cleveland! Miz can’t count on them. Axel says he can, but Miz reminds us that for the last two weeks, he’s been down because they let him down.

Bo says they’ve done everything they can. Then this is the best they can do? He should “Bolieve” himself back to catering, he is nothing without Miz! Seth Rollins interrupts the rant with his entrance.

Rollins normally isn’t a fan of Miz TV, but this is good stuff! He doesn’t want to interrupt, but he is a guest on the show. He’ll let them hash it out. Miz reprimands Rollins for appearing too soon. The argument is just something they’re sorting out. Rollins volunteers his help. He’ll be a mediator. To be honest, The Miztourage is underappreciated. When was the last time Miz looked them in the eyes and said, “Thank you” to them? Is Rollins kidding? No, Rollins would be thanking The Miztourage and putting up billboards to say “Thank You” because without them, Miz wouldn’t still be Intercontinental Champion! The fans should chant for the Miztourage. And they do.

“When my hand goes up, your mouths go shut!” Miz tells Rollins that the Miztourage know he’s grateful, but they should be grateful to him. Miz would be a champion, a star, a “phony A-Lister who can’t fight.” Whoa, did Bo just say that? Speak up, Bo. What did you say? Finn Balor comes out now.

Finn apologizes for another interruption, but he’s a guest here, too. Rollins helped Miz but now it seems Miz needs Finn’s help. What did Bo just say about Miz? Finn knows it’s hard to hear things in the ring, but Finn knows that Bo said Miz is the biggest jerk ever. Bo didn’t say “jerk”. Well alright, it wasn’t that, it was more loser or coward. No, Bo said he’s a phony. Uh oh… The fans agree to it, though! Miz dares Bo to say it again. Bo goes to, but Miz slaps him! Axel keeps Bo back, and Miz wants to see that fire! They’re weeks away from Wrestlemania but they’re letting Finn and Rollins manipulate them. Miz is just a month away from being the longest reigning Intercontinental Champion ever. He’ll be better than HBK, Macho Man, Mr. Perfect! Uh oh… Did Miz just bring up Axel’s dad?

Axel turns around to look at Miz, and Miz tries to apologize, it was a slip of the tongue. Rollins and Finn don’t think it was by mistake. Yes, it was! But let’s all just calm down, deep breath in… Deep breath out. The Miztourage doesn’t need this. Miz TV is now cancelled. “Yes! Yes!” The Miz wants to leave, but Bo & Axel won’t let him. Miz tries to apologize, but now he realizes he’s surrounded.

No one wants to see this! Yes they do! But then The Miztourage attack Rollins & Finn!? Miz grins, this must have been the plan all along. Miz rains rights on Finn while the Miztourage clear the ring. They add on to Finn, then drag him up, but here come the Good Brothers! Anderson & Gallows take care of the Miztourage, which leaves Miz alone. He goes after Finn, but misses, to take a Slingblade!

Rollins returns, but Miz dodges the Curb Stomp just in time. Rollins won’t let Miz think he’s smarter than the Architect. The champion will get what’s coming to him, but Finn is the one to pick up Miz’s belt. Rollins snatches it from him, and holds it up. Finn sees Miz coming and saves Rollins from him. Rollins clotheslines Miz back out of the ring, then Finn knocks Rollins down! Finn steps over Rollins to pick the belt up again. Will Finn also step over Rollins at ‘Mania to officially claim the title as his own?

 

Kane speaks.

“John Cena, there are some demons you should never call on by names.” They are demons that don’t want to be disturbed, that want to “Rest In Peace.” Cena will pay for his arrogance. He won’t go to Wrestlemania, he’ll go #StraighttoHell. Will Hellfire & Brimstone consume Cena before he even has a chance to face the Deadman?

 

Asuka VS Jamie Frost!

The Empress of Tomorrow challenges the Queen of Flair for her SmackDown Women’s Championship at Wrestlemania, but for now, she continues to grow her Streak on Raw. Will Asuka remain perfect all the way to the Grandest Stage of Them All?

Meanwhile, Jamie Frost is having her first professional match. No one is ready for Asuka, but no one has seen what Frost is capable of, so Asuka isn’t ready for her. The bell rings, and the two circle. Frost dodges Asuka’s opening move then fires off forearm after forearm, and a slap! Asuka grins, she like the moxie. Then she kicks the moxie out of Frost’s face! Cover, Asuka wins!

Winner: Asuka, by pinfall

Frost was over confident, but that doesn’t take anything away from the Empress’ power and severity. It won’t be that easy with Charlotte, but will Asuka still find a way to add her to the long list of women Asuka has defeated?

 

Raw takes a look back at ULTIMATE DELETION!

The Great War escalated to astronomical heights as the WOKEN Wisdom and the Consume of Terrestrial Entities did battle at the Hardy Compound. It concluded as Hardy pinned Wyatt, then disposed of him into the Lake of Reincarnation! With the Deletion a complete success, will the World Wrestling Entertainment Dimension ever see Bray Wyatt again?

WOKEN Hardy speaks.

“As a result of the Ultimate Deletion, the essence from the vessel known as Bray Wyatt is no more!” The evil stench has been replaced with the sweet smell of spring daisies. The Great War is finally OVA, but now Hardy sets his sights on Wrestlemania! He shall honor the Eighth Wonder of the World and win the battle royal. Those who oppose him shall suffer the same fate, of DELETION!! In other words, the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal will star Hardy among others, but who will be the one to come out the victor?

 

 

Raw takes a look at the frayed friendship of Bayley & Sasha Banks.

Between the Royal Rumble, the Elimination Chamber, and following tag team matches, the Hugger and the Boss are one step away from breaking up as best friends forever. Sasha finds Bayley backstage, having received her text. But that’s it? Yes, that’s it. Bayley is in the Women’s Battle Royal and that’s it. No talking about last week? What’s they’re to talk about? If Bayley ahs something to say, say something! Wait, didn’t Sasha like Bayley being passive? Where Sasha can do anything she wants and Bayley just goes with it. Sasha loves that, doesn’t she? Bayley is right, Sasha is the Boss, and makes no apologies. Maybe Bayley should stick up for herself so no one thinks she’s a loser. But Sasha only screws Bayley over because she can’t beat her. Sasha is a four-time Raw Women’s Champion. And how long did she keep it?

Sasha snaps and puts Bayley into the lockers, so Bayley fights back! Sasha throws Bayley into more lockers, then across a table. Referees come in just as Bayley turns the tables, but neither “friend” backs down. They’re eventually separated, but Sasha gets loose to go after Bayley again. The referees separate them again, but this is far from over.

 

Braun Strowman VS Sheamus w/ Cesaro!

The Monster Among Men still needs a tag team partner to face The Bar in a title match for the Raw Tag Team Championships, but he’s just find going it alone right now. Can the Celtic Gladiator hope to not #GetTheseHands this close to Wrestlemania?

Before the match, The Bar talk. Everyone thinks Strowman is so dominant just because he tips over trucks and brings down walls. But it’s more that he catches everyone off guard with his entrance of “BRAUN!!” The Bar has news for him: there will be no surprises, because they want to know who his tag team partner is right now. They come out week after week that they don’t just set the bar, they are the bar. But Strowman’s response to the “whiny babies” is that he’ll tell them who his partner is, if Sheamus can beat him. That’s not fair! Just tell them! The fans would rather see Sheamus “Get These Hands!” Strowman guarantees that’ll happen.

With the stakes stated, Sheamus prepares himself for this match. He enters the ring, the bell rings, but Cesaro distracts. Sheamus pounces on Strowman, throwing hands in a corner. He whips but Strowman reverses to then toss Sheamus across the way. Strowman runs but Sheamus dumps him out of the ring. Sheamus hotshots Strowman as he returns, then gives him a beat of the Bodhrain, only for Strowman to block and turn the Bodhrain around on Sheamus! Sheamus tumbles to the ground, but Strowman keeps on him. They return to the ring, but Sheamus rolls to the other side. Strowman runs and blasts Sheamus to the barriers!

The Monster is in control while we go to break.

Raw returns to Strowman stalking Sheamus. Sheamus begs for mercy but Cesaro distracts again. Sheamus tangles Strowman up in the ropes and kicks at the legs. Strowman falls to a knee but shoves Sheamus away. Sheamus kicks again and DDT’s Strowman down. He clobbers Strowman down, then works the arm over in the ropes. Strowman shoves Sheamus away but Sheamus bicycle boots the arm! Sheamus clubs away on that arm, then kicks out the leg. Fans rally for Strowman as Sheamus puts him in a keylock. Sheamus knees Strowman’s ribs but Strowman stands up and powers out. Strowman rallies with lariats, and Sheamus slips out of the ring. The Bar regroups, but Strowamn slips out to run Sheamus over!

Strowman whips Sheamus into barriers, then drags Sheamus up by his Mohawk to put him in the ring. Cesaro moves in close but Strowman backs him down. Strowman reenters the ring, but Sheamus dodges in the corner to send Strowman into the post! Sheamus climbs up, and flies for the clothesline. Cover, ONE, but Sheamus keeps on him with a kick to the ribs. Sheamus stomps and stomps, then Cesaro goes for a cheap shot, but the referee sees him. Strowman elbows Sheamus then punches Cesaro off the apron. Sheamus Brogues but misses, Strowman runs to squash him! Then, lift to scoop to Monster Slam! Cover, Strowman wins!

Winner: Strowman by pinfall

The Monster Among Men won’t have to answer The Bar, or anyone, on who his tag team partner will be, but does he really have one already? He has two weeks left just in case he doesn’t, who has the Monster allied with to go for tag team gold?

 

Raw General Manager, Kurt Angle, is here!

The Olympic Gold Medalist walks to the ring and Cleveland greets him with the classic, “You Suck! You Suck!” He reminds us that two weeks away from Wrestlemania is two weeks away from Stephanie & HHH standing across the way from him and “the baddest woman on the planet,” “Rowdy” Ronda Rousey! And Rousey is here!

Angle knows Wrestlemania is an intimidating stage to debut on, but he knows Rousey’s ready! And after seeing the video with HHH & Stephanie, he admits that The Authority do write the rules. Wrestlemania will be fun, but it won’t be easy. “Good. Because I didn’t come here looking for easy.” Rousey wants to earn things here. Stephanie can talk tough but she’s “trust fund tough”, “limousine tough”, and “personal trainer tough.” Stephanie will get what she deserves, which is Rousey ripping her arm out! But then Absolution appears!

Paige waves hi to Rousey before saying that the “one thing that will sabotage you in the WWE is not having friends.” Former introductions: this is Paige, and this is Absolution. They want to welcome her to Raw! But Raw is their show and Paige’s House. Paige steps in the ring with Rousey, Mandy Rose and Sonya Deville nearby. Rousey, you will get lost in the shuffle or taken advantage of. They’ll be there for her if she needs backup. What a nice offer, but she has an Olympic Gold Medalist, she’s good. Paige understands, but if she thinks Angle has her back–best GM ever!–but then you wouldn’t be an enemy to the Authority. This is career suicide. Rousey has the weight of the world, Paige has been there and done that. Rousey doesn’t have to be alone. She could be the fourth member of Absolution!

Fans say “No! No!” and Rousey looks to Angle. Rousey thanks Paige for the offer, but declines. Paige understands this is Rousey’s choice, but it’s not a good choice. Rousey could’ve had best friends, but now she has worst enemies. Sonya & Mandy step up, the mics are dropped, but while Angle keeps Mandy from hitting Rousey, Rousey hits Sonya!

Then she glares at Mandy, who tries but fails, and gets a saido suplex that sends her into Sonya! Rousey is ready for a fight, and Angle raises her hand in victory. However, Mandy comes back for more, to end up in a judo takedown and armlock! Mandy begs for mercy, and Angle calms Rousey down. Rousey is close to snapping Mandy’s arm, but spares her. The Baddest Woman on the Planet won’t have to stop at Wrestlemania, should Stephanie just give up now?

 

The Balor Club’s Good Brothers VS The Miztourage!

Luke Gallows & Karl Anderson won’t let Bo Dallas & Curt Axel get away with tricking Balor Club’s Extraordinary leader. Can the Director of Chaos and the Machine Gun teach these “NERDS” a lesson?

Raw returns with this match already in progress, and Axel has Anderson down before hitting Gallows with a cheap shot. Anderson knocks Axel down and rallies, before scaring off Bo. Anderson dodges Axel in the corner before hitting him with the rocket kick, then hops up on the second rope. Bo returns to distract and Axel shoves Anderson down. Bo tags in, then rains rights onto Anderson before ramming him into barriers. He puts Anderson back in the corner, covers, TWO, so Bo puts Anderson in a chinlock. Gallows rallies the fans, “Too Sweet! Too Sweet!” Anderson stands up but Bo wrangles him down, Axel mocks the Too Sweet. Anderson his way up while fans rally, but Axel tags in. The Miztourage keep Anderson away from Gallows, then Axel clubs Anderson across the back and neck.

Axel whips Anderson and dropkicks him down, and embraces the heat as he drags Anderson back over. Bo tags in, then clotheslines and knees Anderson, feeding him to Axel’s DDT. Bo covers, TWO, so it’s back to the chinlock. Anderson endures the squeeze while fans cheer, “Too Sweet!” Bo knees low but runs into a spinebuster! Anderson and Bo are down but crawling for their corners. Hot tags, and Gallows rallies on Axel. Gallows blasts Bo for good measure, then hits Axel in the corner with the splash, roundhouse rocks him down. Gallows fires up, pumphandles and slams Axel down, then the big splash! Tag to Anderson, the bring Axel up, fireman’s carry for the Boot o’ Doom! Cover, Bo breaks it!

Gallows drags Bo, Bo shoves him away, but Gallows hits the YAKUZA KICK! Axel kicks Anderson but Anderson resists the suplex. Axel forearms Anderson to a corner but Anderson European Uppercuts back. Anderson climbs up, takes aim, and hits the flying neckbreaker! Tag to Gallows, and they bring Axel up again, for Magic Killer! Cover, the Good Brothers win!

Winners: Balor Club (Anderson & Gallows, Gallows pins)

Anderson & Gallows keep themselves moving in the Raw Tag Team Division, will they be first in line to face whoever comes out of Wrestlemania the champions?

 

“Ladies and Gentlemen: Elias.”

The Drifter is in Cleveland, with his guitar, and as always, wants to know “Who wants to Walk with Elias?!” Cleveland responds positively. In the “Kingdom of Madness”, there are those who walk, and those who do not walk yet. However, Elias promises to give the greatest performance at Wrestlemania, and the world will know that WWE stands for, “Walk With Elias!” Elias feels electric, having sold out Madison Square Garden last week. Therefore, Cleveland is a huge disappointment. He’s embarrassed to be here, but he’s in good company because Lebron James admitted he felt the same way. But Elias promises Lebron will just leave again.

And while Elias doesn’t want to be here, he does have a song, so it’d be a travesty not to sing it. Please silence cell phones, hold applause and shut mouths so that he may begin. Elias strums, then sings, “Wrestlemania is on the horizon. But I’m stuck in this town. The only thing more embarrassing would be, if I was a Cleveland Brown.” Like, seriously, they’re bad. Wrestlemania’s nothing without Elias because he is WWE. But then Rhyno appears!

Elias VS Rhyno w/ Heath Slater!

The ManBeast doesn’t care about music or declarations, he just wants to fight! The bell rings, and Rhyno rushes Elias and puts him in a corner. Elias kicks back then chops back, so Rhyno chops Elias. Rhyno puts Elias back in a corner then whips corner to corner but Elias reverses, only for Rhyno to run him over with a shoulder! Fans cheer as Rhyno headbutts Elias to ropes. Elias back elbows then clobbers Rhyno from behind, before stomping the ECW original out. Elias drives a forearm into Rhyno, then wrenches his neck. Slater rallies the fans and Rhyno fights out. Elias throws Rhyno down by his hair, then drops an elbow, but Rhyno dodges. Elias hits the mat, but he’s up first. Rhyno hits back, chops, then whips. Elias clubs Rhyno then runs, but into Rhyno’s lariat.

Rhyno rallies now, throwing hands in a corner. Elias hits back, but Rhyno whips him corner to corner again. Rhyno runs but into Elias’ knee. Elias runs out and runs Rhyno over with a clothesline of his own. He brings Rhyno up, Drift Away! Cover, Elias wins!

Winner: Elias, by pinfall

The Drifter doesn’t end things with Rhyno, he goes after Slater! He drags the One Man dBand up, and hits him with a Drift Away, too! Elias feels good about himself this close to Wrestlemania, but how will Elias give us that once-in-a-lifetime performance?

 

Raw takes a look back at Cena’s desire for a Road to Wrestlemania.

Cena couldn’t get a match for a title, so he’s going for the “impossible”! He wants to face The Undertaker, but the one person in the way of the match is the Undertaker. Cena has called Taker an egomaniac, because when Cena fails, he gets back up. But when Taker fails, he hides in shame. Cena doesn’t want lame excuses, he wants Taker to stop being self-centered. The people have given Taker everything, but Taker can’t even give a response? He is no wrestling god, he’s just a man, and “that man, Undertaker, is a coward.” If Taker wants to prove Cena wrong, then “do something!” But instead of the Undertaker, it was KANE who appeared. Cena wanted to know, “Is it ‘yes’ or is it ‘no’?” It was neither, as it was a CHOKE SLAM! And that leads us to tonight’s main event!

 

No Disqualifications: John Cena VS Kane!

The Face that Runs the Place may have called out the Phenom, but he’s apparently riled up the Big Red Machine. With the rules thrown out the window, will Cena have a chance to get a straight answer out of the Devil’s Favorite Demon on what the Deadman really wants?

The bell rings and Cena goes right at Kane, and the two brawl. The fans duel, “Let’s Go Cena!” “Cena Sucks!” Kane throws heavy hands on Cena but Cena fights back. Cena runs, but into Kane’s big boot. Kane scrapes Cena out of the ring, then follows him out to throw him into barriers. Kane keeps hitting Cena, and Cena returns tot he ring. Fans chant “Undertaker!” while Kane drops a forearm on Cena. Cover, TWO, but Kane keeps on Cena with a chinlock. Cena endures the squeeze, and slowly makes it to his feet. Cena powers out of the hold and lifts Kane, but Kane is too much and Cena falls on his face. Kane covers, TWO.

Cena slowly slips out of the ring, and Kane follows again. Kane hits Cena with his signature uppercut, then brings Cena around the corner. Cena hits back with haymakers, then whips, but Kane reverses to send Cena into steel steps. Kane has control while we go to break.

Raw returns once more, and now the fight has gone around to the stage tech area. Cena hits Kane with a chair, then uncovers barriers to use them as a battering ram on Kane’s ribs! Kane doubles over, so Cena sets the railing up like a ramp. He brings Kane over, but Kane hits back. Kane grabs Cena, and suplexes him onto the railings!

The railings bend under the impact! Cena slumps off the steel, but Kane stands up. Kane stalks the crawling Cena on the hardwood, then brings him up again for another uppercut. Cena staggers, Kane brings him back towards ringside, tossing him over the barricade. Kane drags Cena into the ring, then goes to a corner to remove one of the buckle pads. But Cena does the Undertaker’s sit-up!

Cena runs, and tries those signature shoulder tackles, but Kane stays standing! Cena keeps trying, and knocks Kane down the next time, then drops him with the spin-out powerbomb! The fans know what’s coming next as Cena raises his hand. “You Can’t See Me!” and Five Knuckle Shuffle. He stalks Kane, and bumps him off the exposed buckle. Cena then slits his throat, the same as the Undertaker.

Cena grabs Kane by the throat, and Choke Slams him! Three references to Taker, cover, TWO! Cena keeps his cool, and exits the ring to go searching underneath. He brings out a table! The fans like what they see as he puts it in the ring, and sets it up on all fours. But now Kane sits up! And Kane grabs Cena, but Cena slips out. Cena fireman’s carry, but Kane tips the table and uppercuts Cena.

Kane takes the table for his own, and sets it up in a corner. He goes back to Cena, and brings him up. Cena hits back while fans duel, and Kane kicks low to then throw Cena through the table! Cover, TWO! Cena is too tough and too determined to let a table take him out. Kane slips out of the ring and searches for something. He brings out a second table, and puts that in the ring. Kane sets the table up on all fours while Cena slowly drags himself up. Kane stalks Cena, grabs Cena by the throat, but Cena slips out to fireman’s carry again, to AA through the table! Cover, Cena wins!

Winner: Cena, by pinfall

“Big Match John” endures a rough fight with Kane, but a win isn’t enough. He grabs a microphone, and asks, “No lightning? No bells of terror? No Undertaker?!” This was a match with no rules, and anyone could’ve shown up! So where is he?! Where is the Undertaker!? The fans chant for Undertaker, too. Cena knows Taker isn’t deaf, just afraid! Night after night, city after city, crowd after crowd, “they chant your name!” And they still chant now.

“You don’t get to be mysterious here. Silence is not an answer.” Give either a “yes” or a “no”. The fans give a “YES! YES!” Cena is fine if it’s a no, because he’ll still go to ‘Mania as a fan. But just look at the energy when the WWE Universe chants “YES!”, when they chant “Undertaker!” and when they chant “Do Something!” Because Cena dares the Undertaker to “Do Something.”

Undertaker has one week left to sum up his entire career. Either Taker does something, or nothing, “and if you do nothing”, Taker lets Cena down, lets Kane down, and most of all, he’ll let everyone who has ever cared about Taker know, that Taker only cares about Taker. For the sake of all that is good inside the ring, Cena hopes to see Taker next week. Harsh words from a frustrated and desperate Cena, but will they raise the ire of the Phenom enough to get an answer?

 


 

My Thoughts:

This was a good Raw, but clearly they’re saving their energy for next week’s go-home. We got great surprises in the opening segment, as both Lesnar and Roman show up. Roman is the bigger surprise, as the kayfabe was of him being hospitalized after Lesnar beat him down. Roman still gets beat down here because he’s not 100%, but he doesn’t get beat down as badly this time, either. They’re working really hard to get Roman over, and I can’t be sure if it moved the needle much here, but there’s still next week. Nia dominating Mickie then scaring Alexa off was great for her, she’s going to be building up so much momentum for ‘Mania that it’d be a real shame if she didn’t win the title.

Great to see Cruiserweights back on Raw, but it’s not like it advanced the story, which was part of the problem the first time. Miz TV got one over on me, I really thought/hoped Miztourage would break away, but they swerved Rollins & Finn. Finn VS Rollins will happen again next week, but I bet Miz will just interfere then. Miztourage lose to Good Brothers, because the Good Brothers need to stay afloat in the Tag Team Division, but nothing new otherwise. Asuka won so fast, I expected something more, like Charlotte showing up on Raw so that both of them are on both shows for this build. Perhaps a missed opportunity there. Hardy joins the Men’s Battle Royal, and I’m hoping he wins to keep him going outside of WOKEN feuds.

The Authority’s training video was well made, but the words were so full of irony, it was actually the best part of the whole thing. Rousey’s segment was alright, but mostly because of Absolution coming in. Paige is always good on the mic, and Rousey is obviously at her best when she’s physical. Next week is a final face-to-face before the match, but it’d almost be redundant if they got physical then, so hopefully Rousey gives a sharper promo for that. Strowman does great again against Sheamus, keeping himself strong and his partner a mystery. There is still so much speculation, but I still personally hope it’s someone other than Elias just so that their characters aren’t back pedaling.

Then there’s the interesting character development in John Cena. While he’s framing this as “Taker is a coward”, and egging the Deadman to #DoSomething, what if this is all just Cena slowly turning Heel? It’s been established that he wants a Wrestlemania match badly, almost desperately. He tried the Rumble, he tried the Chamber, he even tried Fastlane, but failed at them all. He’s grasping at straws, and Taker was the “impossible” low hanging fruit. Cena’s mocking of the Undertaker’s signature mannerisms could also be a sign, as those are usually Heel tactics. He did have a point, though, that a No DQ match was the perfect opening to show up and attack, but perhaps the no-show is itself the perfect way to play this.

My Score: 8/10

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Attitude Of Aggression Podcast: The Big Five Project (chronologically exploring WWE's PPV/PLE history) Unidentified History (Ufology) & Game Gone Wrong (Game of Thrones Universe)


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Results

Mitchell’s WWE Raw Results & Report! (5/4/26)

Just sign on the dotted line!

Published

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ACKNOWLEDGE the contract signing!

With the World Heavyweight Championship match set for Backlash, all that’s left is for Roman Reigns and Jacob Fatu to sign the contract!

OFFICIAL RESULTS

  • Finn Balor VS JD McDonagh; JD wins.
  • PENTA & Je’Von Evans VS Rusev & Ethan Page; win.
  • Austin Theory w/ The Vision VS Joe Hendry; wins.
  • The Ruler’s Open Challenge: Oba Femi VS ???
  • Six Man Tag: Los Americanos VS Los Hermanos Americanos; win.

PLAY BY PLAY

Roman Reigns arrives backstage.

And Adam Pearce catches him right as he exits the car. The Raw General Manager knows Roman is heated from last week but they need to discuss things first. Roman says first off, no, he wants to know where Jacob Fatu is at. And second, don’t you hear the fans already cheering for him? Hit his music! Pearce tries to calm Roman down but has to shout at him first. Jacob Fatu is not here… yet. But Seth Rollins is! Architect and Tribal Chief stare down, and Rollins says Roman is in his way. Roman steps aside, and Rollins’ song hits first! The fans in Omaha, Nebraska sing, “WHOA~ OH~ OHH~!” as Rollins heads to the ring.

But then BRON BREAKKER CLOBBERS ROLLINS! Bron HAMMERS away on Rollins, drags him around, and throws hockey scrum body shots! Bron CLOBBERS Rollins again, then stands him back up so he can gorilla press him! Bron drops Rollins on barriers! Rollins falls back, sputters, but security and producers hurry out here. Bron THROWS security around! Then he drags Rollins up to RAM him into steel steps! Adam Pearce shouts at Bron but Bron drags Rollins into the ring! The refs get Bron to back off, producers check on Rollins, but then Bron breaks through to slip into the ring! SPEAR!!

Bron looms over Rollins while the fans bark. Rollins coughs and sputters while Bron tells him this is just a taste. Bron takes his leave, the damage done. But will he do even worse when the match is on for Backlash?

 

Judgment Day is in the clubhouse.

Liv Morgan says that Stephanie Vaquer is injured, no worrying about her anymore. But now to talk about the not so good news. Like what the hell was Finn doing in here last week?! Roxie doesn’t know, he must be delusional. Liv says she’s not worried about Finn, JD McDonagh finishes this tonight. Liv is worried about Roxie. Why did Finn think it was okay to talk to Roxie? Why didn’t Roxie tell them about it? Why did Liv have to watch it through Netflix to learn about what’s going on? Roxie says she didn’t mention it because she made it clear to Finn. She told him to get out and never come back. But Liv’s right, Roxie should’ve said something.

But don’t worry! Roxie’s loyal to Judgment Day, they know that. Yes, Liv is glad to hear that, because she believes in Roxie. Roxie & Raquel are going to be the WWE Women’s Tag Team Champions, they just can’t let anything get between the family. Promise Liv that you won’t keep secrets, Roxie. Roxie promises. Promises what…? That she will never keep any secrets from Judgment Day. Good. So they ready? Liv, Dom & JD head out, and Raquel pats Roxie on the head. But will things be (not) fine for Judgment Day?

Finn Balor VS JD McDonagh w/ Dominik Mysterio!

Raw returns as The Irish Ace makes his entrance, Dirty Dom by his side. The bell rings, the two tie up, and JD wrenches to wristlock. JD YANKS the arm, but the fans taunt him as “BOBBLEHEAD! BOBBLEHEAD!” Finn rolls, wrenches, but JD wrangles Finn back down. JD puts on the pressure but Finn kips up to wrench, slip through, and headlock. JD powers up but can’t power out as Finn holds on tight! JD endures, rolls to a cover, ONE! JD headscissors, Finn kips free, and Finn arm-drags! Finn grinds JD with the armlock, but JD fights up. JD rolls, powers Finn to ropes, but the ref counts.

JD backs off slowly, but Dom trips Finn up! The fans boo Dom but then JD RAMS Finn! Dom flexes and soaks up the heat while JD RAMS Finn more. JD lets off so he can soak up heat, then he stalks Finn to another corner. JD CHOPS, then he whips corner to corner. Finn goes up and over to CHOP! And CHOP! And CHOP! Finn warns Dom, but JD turns things around. Finn dodges JD to CHOP him back! Cover, TWO! Finn drags JD up, brings him around, and gives some Latino Heat! JD wrenches free but Finn ducks JD’s lariat to RUSSIAN LEG SWEEP! Cover, TWO! Finn keeps his eyes on Dom, then goes back to JD.

JD drop toeholds Finn, then runs to drop the leg, brother! Cover, TWO! Finn goes to ropes but JD KICKS his leg! JD KICKS the leg again, then puts the leg on ropes. JD drops a KNEE on the knee! Finn writhes, the fans boo, but Dom applauds as JD YANKS the bad leg. GROUND DRAGON SCREW! JD then drops an ELBOW on the leg, then clamps on a toehold. Finn endures, kicks JD in the back, and the fans rally as both men stand. JD storms up on Finn, whips, but Finn reverses. JD sunset flips, Finn rolls through and basement DROPKICKS! JD goes to ropes, Finn LARIATS him up and out! The fans fire up as Finn builds speed, but Dom trips him up again!

The fans boo as Finn shouts at Dom, but JD CLOBBERS Finn! Finn tumbles out of the ring, but here comes Roxie! The fans boo Judgment Day as Raw goes to break.

Raw returns again and Finn fights up in the headlock. Finn fires body shots, and now the rest of Judgment Day hurries out here. JD CLUBS Finn, whips him, but Finn goes up and- NO, JD catches Finn on the over, but Finn holds onto the ropes! JD pries Finn free, but Finn slips down to dragon sleeper! EYE OF THE HURRICANE! The fans cheer Finn on, but he’s all alone ringside now that it is 5v1! JD and Finn rise up, but Finn ROCKS JD! And ROCKS him again! And again, and again! Finn whips and BACKDROPS JD! JD flounders, Finn trips him to DOUBLE STOMP! The fans cheer Finn as he flexes!

Finn drags JD up, whips him to ropes, but JD reverses. Finn comes back to SLINGBLADE! The fans cheer as Finn aims from a corner. But Dom gets on the apron! Finn DECKS Dom, JD rolls Finn, TWO! JD swings, Finn dodges and CHOPS! Finn runs, but into the SPANISH FLY! Cover, TWO!! Finn survives but just barely! Finn goes to the apron while the fans rally harder and harder. JD storms over, but Finn RAMS into him! Then GAMANGIRIS! Finn goes up, up, but Raquel distracts the ref! Dom shakes the ropes, and Finn falls! The ref realizes something is wrong, so she EJECTS Dom! The fans cheer as things are a bit more even now.

Liv & Dom are upset but JD still drags Finn to a drop zone. JD goes up, up, and MOONSAULTS, but onto knees! Cover, TWO! Finn hurries to SLINGBLADE JD again! The fans rally for Finn while the ladies of Judgment Day coach JD. Liv gets on the apron, but the ref tells her to back off. Liv sneaks something to Roxie! The bell hammer!? Finn SHOTGUNS JD! Roxie has the bell hammer to CRACK Finn!! The fans boo but JD HEADBUTTS Finn! JD falls on the cover, JD wins!

Winner: JD McDonagh, by pinfall

Roxie proves her loyalties by doing Liv’s dirty work, and JD finally gets a win over his old mentor. Is there no hope for Finn against this many enemies?

 

Backstage interview with Seth Rollins.

Jackie Redmond apologizes to The Architect for bothering him, as he is clearly in pain after that vicious assault from Bron Breakker. But what does this mean for Backlash. Will Rollins be okay? Rollins says Backlash is in five days, he’ll be fine. Rollins told “the kid” last week, that if you take your shot, you better be able to finish the job. Rollins ain’t dead yet. Rollins storms off, will he be able to game plan a way to get around Bron’s speed, strength, and ruthless aggression?

 

The Vision regroups backstage.

Bron Breakker says he couldn’t let Rollins go to the ring and get on the mic to bore us all to death. He can’t stand listening to that guy! He’s like a duck! “Quack, quack! I’m the best wrestler in the world! Quack!” Austin Theory joins in, “Lemme sing my song! Quack quack!” Paul Heyman walks in and says, “Is Seth Rollins still breathing?” Bron says yes, he is. Logan Paul says one guy who won’t be is Joe Hendry! Logan’s gonna beat him to a pulp! Logan swears to God, let him get his hands on Hendry and he’ll hospitalize him permanently! PLEASE! Heyman says that’s why tonight, Logan is not fighting Joe Hendry. W-What?!

Heyman says Bron almost got suspended again, Brock Lesnar retired on us, and if Logan were to get his hands on Hendry, he’ll be put in jail for what he does to him! That’s why tonight, it is Joe Hendry VS Austin Theory. Theory says it’s alright, Maverick. If Logan wants Hendry smacked around, Theory will smack him around. If Logan wants Hendry hurt, Theory will hurt him. He’ll put the Pressure on Hendry, and Logan can just watch. Bron says relax, you’re THE Logan Paul. Vision will get ’em all, one by one. They fist bump on that, but will The Vision all be turned into believers soon enough?

 

PENTA & Je’Von Evans VS Rusev & Ethan Page!

After the multiple blindsides the past few weeks, he WWE Intercontinental Champion and the Young OG team up against some common enemies in The Bulgarian Lion and All Ego! But will the power of #CeroMiedo see them through? Or will Rusev CRUSH while Ethan steals everyone’s smile?

 

Chairshot Radio Network

Launched in 2017, the Chairshot Radio Network presents you with the best in sports, entertainment, and sports entertainment. Wrestling and wrestling crossover podcasts + the most interesting content + the most engaging hosts = the most entertaining podcasts you’ll find!

 MONDAY - Bandwagon Nerds (entertainment & popular culture)

TUESDAY - 4 Corners Podcast (sports)

WEDNESDAY - The Greg DeMarco Show (wrestling) 

THURSDAY - Nefarious Means

FRIDAY - DWI Podcast (Drunk Wrestling Intellect)

SATURDAY - The Mindless Wrestling Podcast

SUNDAY - 30 Mindless Minutes

CHAIRSHOT RADIO NETWORK PODCAST SPECIALS

Attitude Of Aggression Podcast: The Big Five Project (chronologically exploring WWE's PPV/PLE history) Unidentified History (Ufology) & Game Gone Wrong (Game of Thrones Universe)


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Continue Reading

NJPW PPV Results

Mitchell’s NJPW Wrestling Dontaku Results & Report! (5/3/26)

Wrestling Dontaku, Night One!

Published

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Is El Idolo ready for another round with the Gene Blast?

NJPW Wrestling Dontaku night one sees Yota Tsuji once again defend the IWGP Global Heavyweight Championship against Andrade El Idolo!

OFFICIAL RESULTS

  • Six Man Tag: Toru Yano, YOH & Master Wato VS Tiger Mask, Ryusuke Taguchi & Taisei Nakahara; Yano, Yoh & Wato win.
  • OSKAR & Yuto-Ice VS Tomoaki Honma & Masatora Yasuda; Oskar & Yuto win.
  • 8 Man Tag: Yuya Uemura, Taichi, El Desperado & Mistico VS TMDK; Yuya, Taichi, Desperado & Mistico win.
  • Six Man Tag: Bishamon & Tatsuya Matsumoto VS Will Ospreay, Great-O-Khan & Henare; Ospreay, Khan & Henare win.
  • Konosuke Takeshita & Shota Umino VS Chase Owens & Yujiro Takahashi; Konosuke & Shota win.
  • 10 Man Tag: The Unbound Company VS The United Empire; Unbound Company wins.
  • Aaron Wolf VS Don Fale; Wolf wins.
  • NEVER Openweight Championship: Ren Narita VS Boltin Oleg; Ren wins and retains the title.
  • IWGP Global Heavyweight Championship: Yota Tsuji VS Andrade El Idolo; Andrade wins and becomes the new IWGP Global Heavyweight Champion.

PLAY BY PLAY

NEVER Openweight Championship: Ren Narita VS Boltin Oleg!

The House of Torture stole this title from Aaron Wolf, but the big man from Kazakhstan is looking to free it again! Will the Souled Out Son of Strong Style be put behind BARS? Or will he find another way to stack the deck?

But of course, the House has to attack from behind! The fans boo as Ren CLUBS Oleg and Dick Togo uses the SPOILER CHOKER! But then Oleg BOOTS Ren away, hauls Dick up, but Ren kicks low! Ren CLAWS Oleg’s eyes, whips, but Oleg reverses to send Ren hard into to the railing! The fans cheer as Oleg puts Ren in the ring, and the ref rings the bell! This is on record now as Oleg RUNS Ren over! Oleg whips Ren to ropes, Ren reverses, but Oleg CLOBBERS Ren! The fans cheer as Ren tumbles out! Dick checks on Ren, as does the ref. Oleg storms out the side, then storms over, but Dick attacks again! Oleg isn’t even bothered!

Dick cowers and calls for the ref. The ref reprimands Dick for even getting close to Oleg. But this distraction lets Ren JAM Oleg with a chair! And SMACK him down! The fans boo more while Oleg writhes, but Ren stalks him around the way. Ren stands Oleg up, then whips Oleg hard into railing! Oleg writhes again, clutching his arm, but Ren stands him up to wrench and wristlock. Ren then brings Oleg out into the crowd, CLUBS away on the arm, then lines up a shot. Ren whips and BOWLS Oleg into chairs! STRIKE! The fans rally for Oleg while he’s down on the floor, but Ren leaves him behind to roll into the ring.

The ring count climbs while Ren catches his breath. Oleg rises at 6 of 20, hobbles his way over, and rolls in at 12. Ren is right on Oleg with a whip and NECKBREAKER DROP! Cover, TWO! Oleg survives but Ren drags him back up. Ren wrenches the arm and bends the fingers before hitting an ELBOW BREAKER! Ren wrenches for another ELBOW BREAKER! Oleg drops to his knees but Ren wrenches the arm again. Ren hammerlocks the arm and RAMS it into bare buckles! Dick helped pull off the House Special! Ren drags Oleg up, clamps onto the arm, but Oleg stays up. Ren puts Oleg in a corner but the ref counts. Ren lets go at 4, but snapmares Oleg into the corner.

Ren goes outside, he CLAWS Oleg’s face, then bends the bad arm against the crossbar! The fans boo and the ref counts, but Ren lets go at 4. Oleg clutches his elbow while Ren grins an evil grin. Ren stalks Oleg, stomps him around, then eggs him on. Oleg rises up but Ren kicks him. Oleg ROCKS Ren with the good arm! And ROCKS him again, and again, and again! Ren wrenches the bad arm to another ELBOW BREAKER! Ren wraps the bad arm around ropes, stops as the ref counts, but Dick HOTSHOTS the arm in the distraction! Ren hits as FLYING ARMBAR TAKEDOWN! The fans rally for Oleg as he fights around.

Oleg high stacks Ren, then deadlifts for a POWERBOMB! The fans cheer while both men are down! Oleg rises first and the fans rally behind him. Oleg drags Ren up, but Ren fights the gut wrench to have the bad arm! ELBOW BREAKER! Ren RAMS shoulders with Oleg, RAMS again, then whips, but Oleg reverses to BELLY2BELLY! The fans fire up as Oleg rises again! Oleg drags Ren up with the gut wrench, for the Shake, Shake, Shake, and THROW! Oleg kips up, the fans fire up, and Oleg shakes out the bad arm. Oleg runs corner to corner but Ren dodges! Ren runs up, but Oleg scoops! And he THROWS Ren again!

Oleg runs, runs, and BOLTIN PRESS! Cover, TWO! Ren survives but the fans rally behind Oleg again. Oleg storms over to Ren, drags him up, and reels him in, only for Ren to fight the lift. Oleg CLUBS Ren, but Ren CHOKES Oleg! Oleg breaks free to CHOP Ren! Oleg winds up, but Ren uses the ref as a shield! Oleg stops short, helps Marty Asami duck, and then he CHOPS Ren after all! Ren complains to the ref, but blocks a kick! Ren hands it to the ref so he can hit an ARMBAR TAKEDOWN! The fans rally for Oleg as he powers right out! Both men rise up, and Oleg runs at Ren, only for Ren to DUMP him out!

Ren kicks Oleg, grabs a chair, and he puts the chair around the arm! Dick distracts the ref while Ren- NO, Oleg blocks the Pillmanizing! Oleg ROCKS Ren, then CHAIR LARIATS! The fans fire up as the “Chairiat” takes Ren down! Oleg kicks the chair away, then drags Ren up. The fans cheer as Oleg puts Ren in the ring, then storms over to him. Oleg drags Ren up, gut wrenches again, for more Shake, Shake, Shake, and the DOCTOR- NO! Ren fights the bomb! Ren is free but he flounders to a corner. Oleg runs up to SPLASH! Then Oleg torture racks, but Ren CLAWS Oleg’s eyes! Ren whips Oleg into the ref!

Ren CLAWS Oleg’s face, then Yoshinobu Kanemaru appears! The fans boo as the Heel Master kicks Oleg down! Kanemaru uncorks his whiskey bottle to take a big swig! Kanemaru aims, but Oleg smothers the mist! Oleg fireman’s carries Kanemaru, but Dick runs in! Dick kicks Oleg but he doesn’t budge! Oleg then squeezes Kanemaru and the WHISKEY MIST hits Dick!! But Ren is up, only for Oleg to THROW Kanemaru onto him! The fans fire up for Oleg, and he calls to the ref before grabbing Ren’s legs. Oleg YANKS Ren right up, into the POWERBOMB!! High stack, TWO!! Ren survives the #BoltinBomb but the fans rally for Oleg!

Oleg grits his teeth, shakes out his bad arm, then torture racks Ren! Ren flails as Oleg bends him back! But now SHO is here! Sho distracts right as Ren TAPS! Oleg would’ve won! Oleg sees Sho, runs him off, but Sho eggs Oleg on. But then WOLF is here! The fans cheer as Aaron Wolf kicks Sho, then hauls him away! But then Ren kicks Oleg’s legs out, and has him in the GUILLOTINE! But Oleg powers up, powers out, and suplexes Ren! Ren slips free, kicks low and DOUBLE CROSSER! Cover, TWO!! Oleg survives and Ren is beside himself! The fans cheer Oleg on as he and Ren stir. Ren crawls to ropes, drags himself up, and vows to end this!

Ren climbs the corner, takes aim from up high, for HELL’S- NO, Oleg catches Ren for a SNAP KAMIKAZE!! But the bad arm holds him back! Oleg can’t make the cover as he clutches the shoulder in pain! The fans rally even harder as Oleg rises again. Oleg roars, drags Ren up, and fireman’s carries! VERDICT!! Ren flounders but Oleg makes the cover this time, ROPEBREAK!! Ren survives by fingertips, and Oleg is frustrated with his miscalculation. Oleg roars again, he brings Ren back up, and the fans cheer the fireman’s carry. But Ren grabs ropes! Oleg can’t pry Ren free, so he just goes up! But Ren CLAWS Oleg’s eyes!

The ref reprimands but Ren goes up, up, and SUPER ARMBAR TAKEDOWN!! Oleg flails, reaches out, but Ren pulls  on the bad arm! The fans cheer as hard as they can for Oleg as he fights around! Oleg reaches out, but he’s still so far away! Oleg kicks, kicks, kicks, and has the ROPEBREAK! The fans cheer as Oleg survives by a literal foot! Ren drags Oleg up, brings him to the corner, and climbs up. Ren vows to end it now! DOWN TO DIE on the arm! DISARMER!! Oleg endures the mounted armbar, but then powers through, only to end up in an ARMBAR!! Ren puts on the pressure, but Oleg again powers up! Deadlift, but Kanemaru distracts the ref!!

DICK LOW BLOWS OLEG!! The ref misses all that, and Ren drags Oleg back down!! Oleg TAPS, Ren wins!!

Winner: Ren Narita, by submission (still NEVER Openweight Champion)

Another day, another way for Ren to cheat and steal this title away! Then the House stomps away on Oleg! Wolf returns to run them off, but he was not enough to even the odds during the match. Wolf grabs a mic to tell Ren, “What do you think you’re playing at? See if you can step on me one more time! Put that belt on the line and fight me! I promise to take back that title!” The Wolf has eyes on his prey, but will he huff ‘n’ puff and blow the House of Torture down? Or will they stack the deck too high for anyone to overcome?

 

 

IWGP Global Heavyweight Championship: Yota Tsuji VS Andrade El Idolo!

What was meant to be former friends settling a grudge is now a second chance for a “Real Latino Man.” Gabe Kidd is hurt, so Andrade is back again, but will he redeem himself from the New Beginning in USA? Or will Gene Blast still be golden?

President Hiroshi Tanahashi is here to give the formal introductions and raise the belt as we see if history repeats itself!

The bell rings and the fans rally as the two stare down. The fans cheer on “YO~TA! YO~TA!” but Andrade ignores that as the two circle. They tie up, are in a deadlock, but Yota’s height becomes his leverage. Yota puts Andrade on the ropes, but lets off cleanly. The fans applaud and Andrade shakes it off. The two reset and circle again. They tie up, are in another deadlock, but Andrade pushes Yota to the ropes. Andrade lets off, but CHOPS! Yota CHOPS, but Andrade headlocks. Yota endures the grind, but Andrade hits a takeover. Yota headscissors, Andrade kips free, but Yota hits the takeover, only for Andrade to handspring through!

Andrade returns to RANA, but Yota handsprings through! The fans cheer as the two stare down again. They circle, feel things out, and tie up with knuckle locks. They go shoulder to shoulder but Andrade wrenches to headlock. Yota powers up but can’t power out as Andrade pulls hair! Yota powers up and out this time, but Andrade RUNS him over! The fans cheer, and Andrade runs, only for Yota to hurdle over. Andrade leaps over, Yota sidesteps, but Andrade springboards to CROSSBODY! Andrade then LARIATS Yota up and out! The fans fire up, and Andrade builds speed! But Yota slips in, dodges Andrade, and slips around to arm-drag!

Andrade bails out and now Yota builds speed! The fans cheer, but Andrade is back! Yota blocks the boot, but Andrade whips, only for Yota to reverse. Andrade goes tranquilo in the ropes! The fans cheer, but Yota nods and raises his own LIJ fist. Yota then BOOTS Andrade to the floor! Yota goes out after Andrade, puts him in the ring, and the fans rally again. Yota drags Andrade up, KNEES him low, then KNEES him again. Andrade fires elbows, swings, but into a half nelson! GUT BUSTER! The fans cheer while Andrade goes to a corner. Yota runs in for a STINGER SPLASH! Yota then climbs up, and the fans cheer as he rains down elbows!

Yota goes to nine, winds up, but Andrade YANKS Yota down before ten! Andrade then stomps away on Yota, drags him up, and scoops to SLAM! The fans cheer again while Andrade snarls. Andrade storms back over to Yota, drags him up, and snapmares. Andrade runs to basement DROPKICK! Cover, TWO! Andrade clamps onto Yota with a headlock and grinds him down. The fans rally as Yota endures, and Yota fights his way back up. But Andrade wrangles Yota down and puts on more pressure. The fans rally more as Yota keeps fighting around. Yota kicks his way forward to the ROPEBREAK!

The fans cheer as Andrade lets go, but Yota coughs and sputters as he catches his breath. Andrade grabs legs, and he stomps Yota in the stomach! Andrade looms over Yota, drags him back up, and puts him in the corner to CHOP! Yota is stinging, but also grinning! Yota eggs Andrade on, so the gloves literally come off! Andrade CHOPS Yota! The fans cheer and Yota keeps smiling! Andrade says uno mas, or perhaps moikai, and he kicks instead! Andrade wags his finger, then ROCKS Yota! Andrade whips corner to corner, then runs up, but Yota puts him on the apron! But Andrade blocks the enzigiri to put Yota in the Tree of Woe!

Andrade goes up, WOE STOMPS! Cover, TWO!! Yota survives but Andrade says it was that close. Andrade then drags Yota up in the corner, ROCKS him with forearm after forearm, but Red Shoes reprimands. Andrade backs off, but he rallies the fans as he goes corner to corner and back again, CIEN- NO, Yota ducks the knees to sunset flip! TWO, and Andrade ROCKS Yota! Yota ROCKS Andrade! They go forearm for forearm, then Andrade CHOPS! And CHOPS! Andrade runs, but Yota scoops to BACKBREAKER! The fans cheer while both men are down! The fans rally again, and Yota rises first. Yota is grinning again, he’s enjoying this.

Yota stands Andrade up to CHOP! Andrade wobbles, then drops to a knee, but Yota stands him up again. Yota CHOPS again, then brings Andrade around. Yota winds up, but Andrade blocks and CHOPS! And CHOPS! Andrade runs, but Yota ELBOWS him! And CHOPS! Yota roars, runs, but Andrade catches him on the second rope for the INVERTED SPANISH FLY! Both men are down and the fans fire up again! The fans rally as both men stir, and Andrade stands first. Andrade brings Yota up, and snap suplexes! But that’s just Uno Amigo! Andrade suplexes again, but Yota slips out! Yota waistlocks but Andrade ELBOWS free!

Andrade runs up but into a BOOT! Andrade comes back, but into another BOOT! Yota goes up, up, and FLYING ARM-DRAGS! Yota keeps going, tilt-o-whirls and arm-drags again! Andrade tumbles out of the ring but the fans rally behind Yota as he builds speed! And this time, Yota DIVES! Direct hit at the ramp! The fans cheer as Yota stands tall going up the ramp. Yota goes back for Andrade, brings him back to the ring, and the fans applaud. Yota aims as Andrade rises, and he runs corner to corner for the GENE TRIGGER! Yota hauls Andrade up top, then climbs up to join him! The fans rally as Yota sets up for the SUPER STEINER! Cover, TWO!

Andrade survives but Yota just keeps on him! Yota has the legs but Andrade resists the turnover. Andrade BOOTS Yota away, but Yota storms back up. Yota reels Andrade in, but Andrade hits a snap suplex! Then another, that’s Dos Amigos! Yota fights the third, but Andrade dodges the lariat to then FLYING FOREARM! Both men are down again and the fans rally back up! Yota crawls to a corner, but Andrade pounds the mat. The fans clap along, “SI! SI! SI!” Andrade runs corner to corner and back again, CIEN KNEES! Cover, TWO!! Yota survives and the fans fire up again! Andrade drags Yota to a drop zone, then goes up the corner!

The fans rally as Andrade DROPDOWN MOONSAULTS, into BOOTS! Yota then has Andrade in the ropes for a KICK! Yota goes from the corner, but Andrade manages a SNAP POWERSLAM! The fans are stunned as Yota hits apron then the floor! Daiki Nagai fans Yota off, but Andrade TRIANGLE JUMP TORNILLOS! Down goes Yota and the fans fire up again! Andrade snarls, then brings Yota up and into the ring. Andrade climbs up, up, and MOONSAULT DOUBLES! Cover, TWO! Andrade is surprised, but he can’t help but smile. The fans rally more and more as Andrade brings Yota up, and underhooks!

Yota fights The Message, RAMS Andrade into a corner, but then Andrade hoists Yota up top! Andrade CHOPS again, then climbs up after Yota. Andrade brings Yota up, up, and SUPER DUPER PLEXES!! And then he just rolls through! That’s just Uno Amigo! Then a snap suplex for Dos Amigos! And then- ORANGE CRUSH from Yota!! Cover, TWO!! Still no third amigo but both men are down again! The fans rally even harder as Yota drags himself to the ropes. Yota nods, and even manages a smile. He uses this energy to rise again! Yota brings Andrade up, then goes up the corner! MARLOWE- NO, Andrade is after him again!

Yota fights the Spanish Fly, Andrade fires body shots of his own, but Yota kicks the legs out! Andrade dangles, Yota adjusts, DRAPING MARLOWE CRUSH! Cover, TWO!! Andrade survives and the fans fire up again! Andrade goes to the apron but Yota follows him outside. Yota stands Andrade up, but Andrade fires an elbow! Yota fires a forearm, Andrade fires back, and the two brawl on the edge. Yota laughs, then GENE TRIGGER! And then RANA to the floor!! The fans are thunderous for that wild gamble of an attack! Yota roars as he rises and the fans are with him! Yota drags Andrade up, brings him around, and POSTS him!

Yota pushes Andrade to the apron, then steps back inside. Yota climbs the corner, brings Andrade up to join him, but Andrade fires hands. Yota CLUBS away on Andrade, but Andrade fights the clinch! Andrade looks to the outside?! Yota fights the suplex to go to the very top! And he brings Andrade up, SUPER SPANISH FLY!! Cover, TWO!! Andrade survives and the fans cheer, but Yota isn’t done with him! Yota stands Andrade up, pump handles, but Andrade fights with elbows! Yota ROCKS Andrade in the back! Yota back suplexes, but Andrade lands out! Yota mule kicks, runs, and LARIATS! Andrade stays standing!?

Andrade SHOVES Yota, eggs him on, so Yota runs, and he avoids the Shadow Elbow! GENE TRIGGER! Then the pump handle, the lift, and the SILVER LINING SLAM!! Cover, TWO!! Andrade survives again but Yota powers up! The fans cheer as Yota hits his three point stance and waits on Andrade. Andrade rises, Yota runs in, GENE- SHADOW ELBOW!!! Both men are down and the fans fire back up! Red Shoes checks both men, they’re both still in this, so a standing count begins! Both men are still down at 5 of 10 while the fans rally harder and harder. They’re still down at 7! At 8! Both men sit up at 9! But then they flop back over!

Red Shoes lets the match continue from here, as we’re already 25 minutes deep. Andrade and Yota sit up again, and they stare down as they rise up. Andrade eggs Yota on, so Yota winds up to CHOP! Andrade wobbles, but he walks that one off. The fans rally as Andrade winds up to CHOP! The sweat is seen flying off Yota, then he drops to his knees! And yet, Yota grins again! Yota stands back up, winds up, and CHOPS! The favor has been returned as Andrade is now stinging. Andrade stands back up, and he nods before he CHOPS! Yota drops to his knees, then falls back! But he gets up quickly enough as the fans rally again.

Yota storms up, winds up, and CHOPS! Andrade’s chest is getting red, as is Yota’s, but Andrade- YOTA HEADBUTTS! Yota changes things on Andrade, then reels him in! POWER- SUNSET BOMB!! Cover, TWO and Yota has it! TWO and Andrade has it! TWO, Yota has it again, TWO! Andrade dodges, springboards, into a GENE BLASTER!!! Cover, TWO?!? Andrade survives the anti-air attack but Yota crawls his way to the corner. Yota loads up but he demands Andrade stand again! Andrade rises, Yota runs in, GENE- NO, Andrade hurdles over! Then he rolls Yota up, and deadlifts for a POWERBOMB! Cover, TWO!!

Andrade drags Yota up, underhooks, but Yota defies the Message! So Andrade hammerlocks, LA SOMBRA DDT!! Cover, TWO?!? Yota survives and Andrade is beside himself, but the fans are thunderous! Andrade rises, he vows to end this, and he underhooks Yota. Yota fights The Message, but Andrade powers up! Andrade shifts, for a TIGER DESTROYER!! Then Andrade hauls Yota up to the corner, still underhooking the arms! But Yota NORTHERN LIGHTS! Double cover, TWO!! Yota clinches, BACKBREAKER! FLATLINER! STOMP!! The Gene Combination hits as we hit 30 minutes! Then Yota hits the JUMBO PLEX!!

Yota drags Andrade by the legs, then fires up as he turns Andrade! BOSTON CRAB!! The fans are thunderous as Andrade endures! Andrade reaches out but Yota drags him to center! Yota sits deep on the hold, but Andrade still fights! Andrade scrambles his way to the ROPEBREAK! The fans are thunderous as Yota lets go in frustration. Yota and Andrade sit up, and Yota still smiles. The fans rally behind Yota as he brings Andrade up and places him up top. Yota climbs up behind Andrade, then dragon sleepers! The fans rally as Andrade fires elbows! Andrade turns around, and he has the facelock, DDT on the post?!?

Andrade falls to the floor but that’s the lesser of the damage! He hurries back inside, he hauls Yota back up, for THE MESSAGE!!! Cover, ANDRADE WINS!!!

Winner: Andrade El Idolo, by pinfall (NEW IWGP Global Heavyweight Champion)

An instant classic and an absolute shocker at the same time as Andrade has his revenge! Yota went from two belts to none, what will his journey of redemption look like?

As for Andrade, Tanahashi presents him with the belt, and Andrade holds it high. This is not only a win for the United Empire, but a win for AEW and the Don Callis Family. Andrade grabs a mic to say, “I did it.” The fans applaud, and Andrade continues by saying, “I wanna say thank you. Yota Tsuji is good, he’s an amazing talent, but Andrade El Idolo was better tonight.” The fans applaud again, and Andrade says he knows many know he is an AEW talent, but this title is NJPW’s. So Andrade will now officially be working in both companies, both companies are in his blood. And he wants to thank everyone here in Japan for watching.

Andrade says he now has a question, and it is a simple one: Who wants to challenge him? The fans applaud, and Andrade drops the mic. Andrade holds up the belt again, but wait! Stepping out in a nice suit is Drilla Moloney. But then Shota Umino is also here, still in ring gear. Andrade likes where this is going as the two challengers talk on stage. 44 Caliber and Roughneck both go to the ring, and Andrade asks if they heard what he said. So Drilla wants this title? And Shota wants it, too? Then he has an idea.

If they want this title, HIS title, why not this just be a Triple Threat for the Global Heavyweight Championship?  Just say where, when, and what time. Then The RRRREAL~ Latino Man will be there! The fans cheer as Andrade is already raising the bar on this belt! Andrade says just call and he’ll be there. Andrade tells the fans, “Arigato!” The fans cheer, but will Andrade regret stacking the odds for his first defense? When and where will we see this shootout happen?


My Thoughts:

A great start to the Wrestling Dontaku double event, and quite the surprising result for the main event. While House of Torture shenanigans were 1000% expected for Narita VS Oleg, that was still a great match. But at the same time, as great as Oleg is, he was not going to become a TRIPLE champion between the NJPW Strong and both NEVER Openweight titles. Aaron Wolf stepping up to Ren is good stuff, but seriously, can Tanahashi use his authority to put ringside bans up? It’s actually bad kayfabe logic from management to not see that as an option.

But as I was saying, amazing main event, and Yota losing is pretty wild. I suppose even if this was Yota Tsuji VS Gabe Kidd, Gabe winning would’ve worked in story, too, positioning this title as a crossover title between NJPW and AEW. Yota’s story of making a comeback will be an intriguing one. Perhaps he uses the G1 Climax as his road back. As for Andrade being up for the Triple Threat with Shota and Drilla, that’s pretty cool, too. I don’t see Andrade losing his first defense, but a Triple Threat is a classic way to keep all parts strong no matter the result.

My Score: 8.9/10

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