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Mitchell’s WWE Monday Night Raw Report! (3/5/18)

Published

6 years ago

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All images courtesy of the WWE’s official Twitter.

 

OFFICIAL RESULTS

  • Asuka VS Nia Jax; Asuka wins.
  • The Revival VS The Bar; The Bar wins.
  • Goldust VS John Cena; Cena wins.
  • Bayley VS Mandy Rose w/ Absolution; Bayley wins.
  • Falls Count Anywhere Symphony of Destruction match: Elias VS Braun Strowman; Strowman wins.
  • Bray Wyatt VS Rhyno w/ Heath Slater; Wyatt wins.
  • 3v2 Handicap: The Miz & Miztourage VS Seth Rollins & Finn Balor; Rollins & Balor win.

PLAY BY PLAY

Raw General Manager, Kurt Angle, heads to the ring.

Milwaukee greets him with the usual chant of “You Suck!” as the Olympic Gold Medalist walks out. He stays serious and speaks on having to swallow his pride as GM time and again. As a GM, you do what’s best for business, “but last week went way too far.” Triple H sucker punched Angle, and he won’t stand in front of the world and pretend it’s okay. Angle calls out HHH! It doesn’t matter that he’s the COO, Angle wants HHH to be a man! But instead, we get the Raw Commissioner, Stephanie McMahon.

The Billionaire Princess walks into the ring and up to Angle to calm him down. For starters, HHH isn’t here yet, that’s the truth. And that aside, Stephanie brings up that Angle has four–no, five–kids, that one year old baby girl. Angle must want to buy her everything. This is his second wife, that means there’s some alimony, right? If we’re being honest…

Yes, Angle is an Olympic Gold Medalist, and he won with a broken neck, and is a WWE Hall of Famer. But Stephanie must ask, “Are those accolades paying the bills right now?” She already knows the answer is “no”. But being a general manager does, so just think for a moment: Angle almost ruined the biggest WWE contract signing in its history; Rousey put HHH through a table because of Angle. But HHH got his, so we’re all on the same side again. Know your role, make matches, and put the past behind you, okay? “Don’t let your ego get in the way here.” But then Ronda Rousey appears!

The Rowdy Ronda of Raw is all smiles as she heads down to the ring. Ronda high-fives fans and then enters the ring. She hugs Angle and politely shakes hands with Stephanie. The fans cheer and chant, then she speaks up. “What you did to Kurt Angle last week was very… enlightening.” Seems the authority is not who she thought they were. But she’s had bully bosses and things, she’ll deal with it her own way. Bullying bosses? Stephanie understands not every employee understands the choices their bosses make, but they just accept orders. Fans boo and jeer as Stephanie says that Rousey understands she signed to the WWE, and to the part Stephanie oversees. But look at the bright side: Rousey will have her dream, as she gets to be part of Wrestlemania! Her debut is at The Grandest Stage of Them All! Rousey agrees, that is great.

But speaking of her contract, it says she gets to choose her opponent, doesn’t it? Yes, as long as it’s not one of the champions, and as long as that person is part of the active roster. In that case, Rousey chooses… Oh oh, big drum roll please! Rousey doesn’t wait for the drums, she chooses Stephanie!!

And the fans go wild! And while Stephanie tries to reason her way out of things, HHH appears. He won’t let this happen, and tells Angle to do his job. Stephanie is an executive, the Commissioner of Raw. Oh what happened to HHH not being here yet? Surprise, HHH is here already. But don’ worry about him, worry about your job. Angle agrees, Stephanie is an executive. But, there’s still her WWE Superstar contract. And Angle makes matches, so Stephanie will face Rousey at Wrestlemania. Fans sure love that! But that’s not all, there’s another person with two contracts. And angle promised HHH that he’d be coming for him. So it won’t just be Rousey VS Stephanie, it’ll be Stephanie & HHH VS Rousey… AND ANGLE!

The fans love the sound of that, but the Authority doesn’t. Stephanie gets in Angle’s face, but then Rousey blocks the slap!

HHH wants things to calm back down, and helps Stephanie get away. But then Angle and HHH brawl! Angle gets the best of HHH, but HHH boots back. HHH runs out, but gets caught into the Ankle Lock! He shoves Angle away into buckles, but Rousey steps up. Stephanie returns for the sucker punch! That only pisses Rousey off. Stephanie runs away, Rousey glaring at her the whole way. Then she turns her attention to HHH. HHH sees Angle returning, and goes for the Pedigree, only to end up in the Ankle Lock!

Angle grapevines it! Stephanie returns, reaches out and saves her husband. Only for Rousey to get her by her hair and yank her back in! Stephanie begs for mercy, but gets none! Rousey grabs the arm, fireman’s carry, and Samoan Drop!

Angle and Rousey stand tall over The Authority, will we see this again at Wrestlemania?

 

Asuka VS Nia Jax!

The Empress of Tomorrow’s Streak still lives after the Elimination Chamber PPV, but the Irresistible Force ran her over out of rage. This rematch gives Nia a second chance, can she take away Asuka’s main claim to fame before she challenges the Raw (or SmackDown) Women’s Champion?

The bell rings and the two circle. Nia lunges but Asuka strikes back. Nia puts her in a corner then flattens her twice, hip attack for the third time. Asuka crawls out of the corner but Nia is right back on her with a headbutt. Nia drags Asuka up to throw her to ropes. Asuka slips out of the ring, Nia lets her writhe out there. Meanwhile, Alexa Bliss & Mickie James have a backstage interview. The Goddess likes Nia’s chances of winning, because she is determined to win. Tonight is Nia’s night, and Asuka looks worried. The Empress’ luck runs out, because Nia will end both the streak and her career.

In the ring, Asuka tilt-o-whirls but into a side slam! Nia drags Asuka back up but then Asuka puts on an Octopus Stretch! She has Nia locked in, but Nia powers her way out. Asuka tries to roll Nia but Nia drags her up by her colorful hair. Nia shoves Asuka back into a corner while fans cheer Asuka on. The referee checks on Asuka, but Nia stomps her out. Nia drags Asuka up but Asuka fights back. Asuka tries to whip but Nia reverses. Asuka hops up, NIa gives her a rocking right hand, to then throw her with a spinning crucifix! Nia watches Asuka roll out of the ring while we go to break.

Raw returns to Nia thrashing Asuka around in a cobra clutch. Asuka fires up and fights out, then runs to hip attack Nia down. Cover, TWO, and with force! Asuka won’t let that scare her off, she goes after Nia agani. Nia powers Asuka to a corner and rams in a shoulder. She rolls Asuka to the center of the ring, then runs her over again! Cover, TWO, and Nia grows annoyed with Asuka. She drags Asuka up for the fireman’s carry, but Asuka fights out.

Nia throws Asuka to ropes, fireman’s carry and Samoan Drop hits! Nia crawls to a cover, ROPEBREAK! And Nia can’t believe it! She swipes at Asuka with both hands, then drags her up again. Another fireman’s carry, trophy lift, and a drop! Nia adds the leg drop, but Asuka evades! Asuka recovers while Nia crawls over, suddenly armbar! Nia endures, reaches, then sits up, but Asuka shifts into the Triangle!

Nia lifts, powerbomb! The hold stays on! Asuka squeezes and pulls as hard as she can but Nia pushes against her. No cover so another lift, and buckle bomb! Asuka keeps holding on, even after two more bombs! She brings Nia down again, but Nia keeps trying to get out. Nia tries another cover, but Asuka wont’ let her shoulders come down. Another deadlift, rebound to takedown! The armbar is on in full, and Nia endure. Nia taps out, and Asuka wins again!

More than anyone, Alexa Bliss is the one worried by this result. If Nia can’t win after all that, can Alexa hope to survive?

Nia stands up, and fans applaud the heart she showed. She hasn’t gotten any closer to the Women’s Championship, will she miss out on Wrestlemania completely?

 

The Revival VS The Bar!

The Swiss Cyborg and Celtic Gladiator misspoke when they said “there’s no one left to beat” for the Raw Tag Team Championships. The #TopGuys have beaten all the same teams as the champions have, so if they win here, they get a match for the Raw Tag Team Championships at Wrestlemania!

Sheamus and Scott Dawson start, tie up, and Sheamus elbows out of the waistlock to get the headlock takeover. Dawson grinds his way to a counter but Sheamus grinds back. Dawson powers out but Sheamus runs him over, and The Bar gloats. Sheamus brings Dawson up and tags in Cesaro, to go Super Saiyan kick. Cesaro taunts Dash, then tags in Sheamus, and The Bar mugs Dawson. Sheamus goes to put Dawson in the Bodhrain but Dash distracts, helping Dawson fight out and fight back with hyamkers and chops. Hotshot staggers Sheamus back, but Dawson runs into a lift. Dash saves Dawson then tags in, slingshot sunset flip for a clothesline, TWO. Sheamus tags in Cesaro and Cesaro runs in, but Dash lifts him to tag in Dawson, assisted gord buster.

Cover, TWO, and The Bar regroups. They take a breather while we go to break.

Raw returns, and Sheamus kicks Dawson to then tag in Cesaro. They hit the backbraeker elbow drop!

Cover, TWO. Cesaro keeps on Dawson, tags in Sheamus, and Sheamus blasts Dawson with a knee. Sheamus grounds Dawson, covers, ONE. The Bar keeps focus as Sheamus wrenches, but Dawson jawbreakers free. Dash tags in and saves Dawson from a slam, covers, Sheamus, ONE. The Revival keep on Sheamus, tagging Dawson in to stomp one of Sheamus’ arm. COver, ONE, but Dawson keeps on Sheamus at the ropes, messing up the Mohawk. Sheamus hits back but Dawson hits, too. They brawl, Dawson grabs the arm and grounds Sheamus again.

Sheamus endures the armlock and fights back. He lifts and dumps Dawson to then tag Cesaro. Cesaro goes for the Sharpshooter, Dash comes in but Cesaro trips him up. Dawson kicks and DDT’s, cover, TWO! The Revival know they’re close, but Cesaro whips Dawosn to his corner. Tag to Shemaus, who takes out Dash then barrels into Dawson. Stiff knee strike, then the lift, tag to Cesaro. Cesaro goes up but Dash distracts. Dawson trips up Cesaro then dodges Sheamus! Sheamus hits post, Dawson tags in Dash, and they go after Cesaro! Dawson climbs up to Cesaro while Dash does on the adjacent corner. Superplex, to frog splash! TWO!

The Revival are furious that they didn’t get this yet. Dawson tags back in, but Sheamus intercepts with a Brogue. Dawson suplexes Sheamus but Cesaro kicks him, Neutralizer! The Bar wins! The champions turn away the #TopGuys as contenders, now there really isn’t anyone left to defeat.

 

JOHN CENA is here!

The Face that Runs the Place and WWE free agent is back again. He went to SmackDown, as stated, and literally won his way into a WWE Championship match at Fastlane! So then why is he back on Raw? To talk to us about SmackDown. It is a difficult subject because of brand rivalry but he asks us to listen. He lets Milwaukee know he has found his Road to Wrestlemania, and even Kurt Angle recognizes the importance of Fastlane. Cena does not take his free agent status lightly, so there in lies the question, why is he here? Cena explains that because it is a Six Pack Challenge, his five opponents–Baron Corbin, Dolph Ziggler, Sami Zayn, Kevin Owens and especially WWE Champion, AJ Styles– won’t let him speak his piece in peace.

Therefore, he is back on Raw to say “This is it.” Cena vows to break a 20-year record! He vows that this Sunday, he will win the WWE World Championship to become a 17 time world champion. All records are meant to be broken, because this is his “only Road to Wrestlemania.” Cena has been smothered with criticism, that he’s only here to “hold people back.” He was not given success, he was given a chance. Cena was given a chance and he used it to beat AJ Styles, 1 2 3.

He will never be one to hold someone else back. When Cena wins, critics will come out to say he’s “robbed” us of a Wrestlemania moment. No, Cena encourages Styles to make a greater moment by using his rematch clause to make things a triple threat: Shinsuke Nakamura VS John Cena VS AJ Styles! But wait, Goldust appears?

The Bizarre One says “I coulda been a contender.” On the Waterfront, 1954. But movie quotes aside, we have our “leading man”, John Cena. Goldust has always dreamed of sharing “the silver screen” with Cena. He’s always dreamed of “soaking in the spotlight” at Wrestlemania. But that dream begins with Goldust stopping John Cena from going to Wrestlemania. Goldust explains that his dreams have never had that “perfect ending”, it’s all just taken from him. His pretty little rainbows have grayed with evil. “That ends today.” If Cena wants to go to Wrestlemania for the WWE Championship, that’s fine, that’s his dream. But Goldust is taking control of things, as Cena’s “director”. Tonight, Cena’s dreams will be SHATTERED! Goldust decks Cena! And we quickly go to break!

 

Goldust VS John Cena!

Raw returns with this match already going, and Goldust has Cena down again. Goldust takes a deep breath, then drags Cena up for a punch. Cena blocks and counters with punches, but Goldust gives Cena the atomic drop. Goldust kicks then covers, TWO. The Bizarre One keeps his cool as he stalks Cena, knocking him back down to the mat. Cena crawls, but Goldust bings him up for another atomic drop. Cena dodges and double clotheslines bring them down. Both men stir, heading for ropes. Goldust and Cena stand up, and Goldust dodges Cena in a corner. Cena bounces off buckles, Goldust covers, TWO. Goldust keeps on Cena with hammering hands, and mocks the great John Cena. Then he digs his claws into Cena before taking another deep breath, but Cena hits back! Cena runs, but into the powerslam, cover, TWO!

Goldust gets frustrated but he stands up. He drops an elbow on Cena, then claws him again. Cena still stands up but GOldust is ready. Cena fakes out the slam to put Goldust in a sleeper hold! Goldust low blows behind the ref’s back! Cover, TWO! Goldust can’t believe his trickery didn’t work. But he keeps his cool as he stands over Cena. Cena crawls his way up, but Goldust is upon him while fans duel. He swings, Cena dodges and starts to rally with shoulder tackles! Spin-out powerbomb, then “You Can’t See Me!” Five Knuckle Shuffle hits, and Cena lifts Goldust, AA! Cena wins, and gains momentum towards Fastlane! Will Sunday see history made even before Wrestlemania?

 

Elias visits Angle in his office.

The Drifter knows the GM has had a busy night. Angle should just cancel the Symphony of Destruction match. It all sends the wrong message. Music should bring people together, not tear them apart. Angle will considered it. Decision made, he’s not cancelling it. Then whatever happens to Braun Strowman tonight is on Angle. That’s fine. But before Elias leaves, he should know that leaving ringside won’t do anything, because it will be a Falls Count Anywhere Symphony of Destruction match. Elias accepts, but can he survive the concert of carnage the Monster Among Men has waiting for him?

 

The newest WWE Hall of Fame inductee: Hillbilly Jim!

Hulk Hogan took this big fan of the WWE under his wing and made him a certified superstar! Jim the “big ol’ country boy” was a big hit, and helped bring the WWE into the mainstream. “Good food, good meat, thank you Lord, cuz we gon’ eat.” He captured the hearts of fans all over the world, and lived the American dream.

 

Bayley VS Mandy Rose w/ Absolution!

The Hugger stood by her best friend for as long as she could, given how her friend treated her. She swerved The Legit Boss on a tag, and explains beforehand that this “surprising” action was- Well, no explanation, as the Glampire leads her girls down to the ring.

Paige congratulates Bayley for finally growing a backbone. Bayley’s a big girl now, but is still “a stupid little kid”. Sasha Banks is the only person who cares about Bayley, and there is strength in numbers. If you have no one, you have nothing. Can Bayley win all on her own when God’s Greatest Creation has her team ringside?

The bell rings, the two circle, and Bayley gets the waistlock. Mandy works her way out, elbow and a takedown, then cartwheels past Bayley before dropping her with a dropkick. Mandy taunts Bayley and they circle again. They tie up, Bayley gets the wristlock and yanks on Mandy’s arm. Bayley shifts to an armlock but Mandy whips. Bayley reverses, things speed up, Mandy picks Bayley up to put her in a corner. Mandy then scoops Bayley for a slam, cover, TWO. Bayley powers Mandy back now and rams in her shoulder. Bayley rolls back, wacky waving back elbow! She keeps moving, but Mandy bails out. Absolution regroups while we go to break.

Raw returns to Mandy squeezing Bayley in a chinlock. Bayley endures, even as Absolution taunts her. She sits up, and fans rally for her. She stands up and fights out, but Mandy kicks low and suplexes. Mandy holds Bayley up there, then brings her down for a forearm! Absolution applauds while she covers, TWO. Mandy keeps on Bayley, but Bayley hits back. Bayley slips under to backslide, ONE, but into a small package, TWO. Mandy evades and knee strikes Bayley right down! Cover, TWO, and Absolution grows frustrated. Mandy keeps on Bayley with a rain of rights, then covers, TWO. Mandy keeps focus as she stalks Bayley to ropes. She drags Bayley up, but Bayley shoves her away. Bayley throws Mandy out to the apron then hits her with the hotshot stunner!

Both women gasp for air, but Bayley is up to rally with double ax handles. She then tackles Mandy and unloads rights. She keeps going, bumping Mandy off buckles again and again and again. Saido suplex, then Bayley hops up. Sonya distracts but Bayley still hits a flying elbow on Mandy. Sonya tries again, Bayley knocks her down, Mandy tries a roll up, but Bayley slips out! Bayley rolls Mandy, Bayley wins! But Absolution pounces, hammering and kneeing Bayley on the mat. However, here comes Sasha!

The Boss is still a friend as she tackles Sonya. Mandy goes after Sasha but Sasha hits back. Sasha sends Absolution running, then helps her friend to her feet.

Sasha wants a hug, but Bayley refuses?! Bayley shakes her head and leaves by herself. Is their friendship on the verge of being done for good?

 

March is Women’s History Month, and WWE is proud to celebrate it.

WWE honors Eunice Kennedy Shriver for her fight to help those with intellectual disabilities. Shriver was a founder of the Special Olympic Games, which still thrives to this day. Her passion and dedication to public service and humanitarian work earned her the Presidential Medal of Freedom in 1984, inspiring us all to care for all people.

 

Nia is backstage in the medical area.

She’s icing her arm after that match with Asuka, when Alexa Bliss & Mickie James come over. Alexa has Mickie leave her alone with Nia so they can talk.

Nia must be disappointed, losing to Asuka twice already. Alexa has never seen Nia give up like this, it must be embarrassing. But Alexa doesn’t want Nia to feel like a failure or that she’s let everyone down. She has friends, and even though they don’t get to face each other at Wrestlemania this year, there’s always next year. Don’t be ashamed of what just happened, be proud of yourself for everything you’ve overcome. Nia’s been an outcast, just because she was bigger. Even now, Alexa sees how others look at Nia. Alexa knows Nia is no quitter. Don’t let this stop you, Nia. “Because if you do, everyone will lose all respect for you.” Nia cries. Her arm aside, is her spirit broken?

 

Braun Strowman speaks.

“Elias, I know you’re sweating bullets, because tonight, you find out about my Symphony of Destruction.” The Monster Among Men isn’t finished with Elias. Elias will not only #GetTheseHands, but the keys, the drums and anything else. Tonight begins the countdown to Elias’ extinction! Can the Drifter survive the musical mutilation Strowman is about to bring?

 

 

Falls Count Anywhere Symphony of Destruction match: Elias VS Braun Strowman!

“Ladies and Gentlemen, Elias.”

The Drifter is on the piano this time, tickling the ivories instead of plucking guitar strings. The Living Amongst The Dead breathes life into everything he does, touches and says. And as always, he must ask, “Who wants to walk with Elias?!” Milwaukee sounds pretty eager to. Symphonies are “classy, sophisticated”, the exact opposite of Milwaukee. It’s no surprise that Elias has mastered more than guitar. He is not a one trick pony, he moves over to drums. And he goes to his standard and says that the Monster Among Men lives in Elias’ World. And everyone in the world knows that WWE really means “Walk With Elias!” Pay close attention, Strowman, this song is for you. So please, silence phones, hold applause and shut mouths so he can begin.

“I’m out here again, it’s Monday night. I’m getting ready for Braun, getting ready for a fight.” Elias is gonna win, unlike the Brewers and Bucks.” One thing Elias loves about Milwaukee is that “this place sucks!” Elias is not afraid of The Monster Among Men, because there ain’t nothing he can do. He wants a proper introduction, so he has the lights go down to reintroduce him. But when the spotlight hits, Elias is running away!

He slips backstage, glancing over his shoulder. Elias makes it to a car waiting for him, starts it up, but then looks in the back. Strowman is holding the car back with pure strength! So Elias gets out an runs! Strowman pursues Elias all the way back to ringside!

The bell rings and this match begins! Strowman kicks Elias all the way down the ramp and towards the ring. He bounces Elias off the apron then puts him into the ring. Elias knocks over his stool, and Strowman clobbers him towards a corner. Strowman throws Elias across the ring, then crushes him in a corner. He clubs Elias in the chest, and the fans roar triumphantly for him. Strowman stalks Elias, then scoops him up. Elias fights out of the slam then goes after the leg with chop blocks. Elias grabs his guitar and SMASHES it on Strowman’s back! He keeps going on Strowman with haymakers, then runs for a knee strike. Strowman’s down but Elias climbs up. Elias takes aim, leaps, and hits the Macho Elbow! Cover, ONE!!

Strowman gets to his feet but Elias is upon him. Elias tries but is denied his Drift Away, Strowman sends him out with an uppercut. Strowman stalks Elias again before kicking him up the ramp. Strowman drags Elias up and over to the announce desk! He clears it all off, then nods to the fans. Strowman lifts Elias up, but Elias rakes the eyes. Elias thinks he’s safe, but Strowman turns around to knock him into the LED wall! Strowman then bowls him through the spare guitars, and stalks him around the drum kit. Strowman clubs Elias down with a double ax handle, and then sees his old friend in the bass cello. The fans chant “YES! YES!” and Strowman SMASHES Elias with the cello! An encore from weeks ago, but the concert isn’t done yet.

Strowman slides Elias under the piano, then plays monster chords. Then, Strowman kicks the drums away, and lifts the piano, to slam it down on Elias!

Elias is pinned down by the piano, but Strowman pulls it off to cover, Strowman wins!

The Monster Among Men played a beautifully painful piece for Elias, and leaves him laying on the stage. Elias does receive medical attention, and is stretchered out. Is this the night the Drifter’s music died?

 

WWE makes a MAJOR announcement!

 

Bray Wyatt VS Rhyno w/ Heath Slater!

The Eater of Worlds continues his Great War with WOKEN Matt Hardy, but first looks to use the One Man Band and the ManBeast as cannon fodder once more. This is also payback for last week when Bray didn’t even wait for things to be a match. Can the ECW original best the Face of Fear before the next battle with Hardy?

The bell rings and Rhyno goes right at Bray! He puts Bray in a corner and fires off furious right hands. The ref brings him back, Bray boots back and runs Rhyno over with a lariat. Bray then slithers upside-down to stare Slater down.

He returns to Rhyno to rain down right hands, then reel Rhyno into Sister Abigail! Bray glares at Slater before covering, Bray wins!

Swift but sinister, and scary as always as he stares Slater down, this even more disturbed Bray Wyatt calls Hardy out. “Come out and show your face, you coward!” The Great War is far from over, so Hardy does show his face.

“Bray Wyatt, I concur. The Great War is far from over~!” But if they are to clash, it cannot be contained within the realm of WWE. There is only ONE battlefield worthy of their cosmic combat: The Hardy Compound~~! The WOKEN Wisdom invites Bray to his battlefield, and dares him to prepare for ULTIMATE DELETION!

 

It’s the Third Annual Mizzies Awards Show!

The Most Must-See Superstar in all of WWE brings us the “cherished institution” that recognizes true greatness. Otherwise The Shape of Water wouldn’t have won over The Marine 5. Get Out is what Angle should’ve done as GM. But enough about The Oscars, Miz honors the best of WWE. The first category: The Superstar Best at Patting Themselves on the Back.

The nominees are: Seth Rollins for bragging about lasting 65 minutes before losing; Kurt Angle for being a good father to his illegitimate son 29 years late; and Finn Balor for being the inaugural Universal Champion for only 24 hours, and failing to keep his promise of getting it back asap. Miz himself is 55 days away from being the (total) longest reigning Intercontinental Champion of all time. And the winner is: a tie! Rollins and Finn win, but cannot accept the award because they weren’t invited to the show.

The second category: Worst Decision by a Raw General Manager.

The nominees are: Kurt Angle for bringing his “bastard son” to Raw; Kurt Angle for letting Rollins & Finn both be in the Elimination Chamber match; and Kurt Angle for failing to name a proper opponent for The Miz at Wrestlemania. And the winner is: by unanimous vote, Kurt Angle! But he can’t accept the award, he’s sucking up to Ronda Rousey. At least this will help his resume when out looking for a new job. Especially when Angle loses to Stephanie & HHH.

This third award is a Lifetime Achievement Award, for the “workhorse of the WWE”. This superstar makes wherever he is on the Wrestlemania card “the main event.” However, Seth Rollins appears!

Rollins was enjoying the show, but Milwaukee was practically begging for someone to play Miz off. But it’s not just Rollins, here comes Finn Balor!

Finn is all smiles but Rollins brings up how he keeps interrupting. Is he here to follow Rollins again? No, he’s here to do Rollins one better. Miz does them both one better. Angle said those matches might determine who faces Miz at Wrestlemania, because neither of them deserves it. Rollins always loses. “Nobody makes losing look better than you.” Except for maybe Finn. What has Finn done since giving up the title? Yet he’s “over”? This isn’t Japan, this is the WWE! You have to bust your butt each and every day. To be “over”, you need more than “a hand-sign that’s not even yours.” But these two think they’re so special just because they beat Miz in a handicap match? How about we do something really big? A 3v2 handicap, The Miztourage VS Rollins & Balor! The fans want it, challenge accepted!

 

3v2 Handicap: The Miz & Miztourage VS Seth Rollins & Finn Balor!

The Hollywood A-Lister had strong words for the Architect and Extraordinary Man, but now he’ll have to back them up. Can he, Bo Dallas & Curt Axel best the two men who bested Miz consecutively last week?

Finn starts against Axel with the bell. They tie up, Finn gets the wristlock, then the arm wrench. He snapmares Axel then wrenches the arm more. Axel stands up and puts Finn against ropes to knee and club. Axel whips but Finn reverses, Axel sunset flips but Finn rolls through to dropkick! Cover, TWO, but Finn is back on Axel’s arm. Rollins applauds, then offers a tag. Finn takes it, and Rollins climbs up to flying ax handle Axel’s arm. Axel kicks back, then bumps Rollins off buckles. He tags in Bo, and The Miztourage whips Rollins. Rollins kicks them away and throws Axel out before hip tossing Bo down. Bo gets up, Rollins dropkicks him down, then Rollins swipes at the creeping Miz. Bo pounces and stomps Rollins out.

Tag to Miz, and the Intercontinental Champion boots Rollins in the face. Cover, ONE, but Miz keeps on Rollins. He tags in Axel, and snapmares Rollins for Axel’s neck snap. Cover, TWO, so Axel puts Rollins in an armlock and chinbar. Rollins gets up as fans rally, but Axel knees low. He whips Rollins and stiffly dropkicks him down, then gloats while Miz and Bo cheer him on. Axel tags in Bo, they mug Rollins to the mat. Cover, TWO, but Bo wraps on a chinlock. Finn gets the fans to rally for Rollins, and Rollins fights back. He chops Bo, but Bo whips him away from the tag. Rollins boots Bo, then dives to tag Finn!

Finn rallies on The Miztourage, take down to double stomp! Bo gets to a corner while Finn flexes. Finn scares off Miz, then gives Bo a running chop.

Corner to corner and another chop. Finn tires a third but Bo reverses, only for Finn to go up and over. Bo boots Finn, then hops up, but Finn swing kicks Bo down. Finn stalks Bo, drags him up but Miz distracts. Finn chases Miz, sees Axel coming but not Bo, Bo runs Finn over. The Miztourage is in control while we go to break.

Raw returns and Finn jawbreakers out of the chinlock. Axel shoves Finn back to forearm him on the rebound, but Finn hits back with a Pele! Both men are down but Finn gets the hot tag. Hot tag to Miz, but Rollins hits the springboard flying clothesline! He hops up but jumps over Miz, to enziguri Miz down. The fans fire up with Rollins as he goes corner to corner to clothesline Miz. Suplex and float over to Falcon Arrow!

Cover, TWO! Rollins keeps his cool as he stalks Miz. He tunes up the band then takes aim, mule kick but Bo gets in the way. Rollins knocks Bo down, but Miz gets the full nelson! Miz lifts, Rollins rolls to counter, TWO! Mule kick hits again, cover, but Axel breaks it. Rollins throws Axel out, then evades Miz to build speed and DIVE! Direct hit on both Bo & Axel!

Rollins returns in the ring, clotheslines Miz out, then Rollins takes aim again. He watches them regroup, but Finn tags in! Finn and Rollins argue it out, but The Miztourage flanks them. Rollins takes Bo & Axel out, Finn hits Miz. Finn builds speed to FLY onto Bo & Axel! He flexes while Miz gets back in the ring, Slingblade! Then, blasting dropkick! Miz goes down, Finn climbs up, but Rollins tags in! Rollins curb Stomps Miz! Cover, Rollins & Balor win! While they both win, the Architect pinned the champion. What does this mean for the IC Championship? Kurt Angle appears to clear that up.

Angle has a match for ‘Mania, time to announce Miz’s. He won’t be competing against Rollins, or against Balor, he’ll be competing against them both in a Triple Threat! “It’s true, it’s damn true.” Wrestlemania is 43 days away, will Miz be denied history a couple weeks short?

 

The Advocate, Paul Heyman, is here!

And as he is carrying the belt for the “reigning, defending, undisputed Universal Heavyweight Champion, BROCK LESNAR” with him, he is here to “deliver a message on behalf of my client.” Heyman is here to “set the record straight.” He is here, resting the title down in the ring, “because Brock Lesnar allows” Heyman to touch it. And after Lesnar successfully defends this title, April 8th at Wrestlemania against Roman Reigns, assuming he chooses to defend again at Summerslam, Heyman will come out and lay the title down again, and right next to it will be the UFC world heavyweight title as well. Roman had a lot to say about The Beast, he took it upon himself to criticize Lesnar’s schedule.

Heyman asks Roman, what’s the biggest victory of your career? Defeating the Undertaker at Wrestlemania. Good for Roman, because he is only one of two men to do that. Did anyone bring up Undertaker’s schedule? No, because if anyone did, it would be “bullshit”! The Undertaker is the Undertaker 365 days a year, so good for Roman. Lesnar is Lesnar 365 days a year, but no one will beat Lesnar nor take that title from him. If Roman doesn’t like hearing this, then next week, Roman can meet Lesnar on Raw. And “Afa” that, Roman can “Sika” new title to challenge for, because the Universal title belongs to Lesnar.

And while Heyman is still here, he recalls Roman calling Lesnar “a bitch.” The title is Lesnar’s “bitch”, as in she belongs to Lesnar. Roman is eyeing Lesnar’s girl, but he can’t have her. Roman wants to be Universal Champion because of his bloodline, but the Universal Championship is a bloodline. You don’t pry the title out of Lesnar’s cold dead hands, you try to take them from his hot living ones.

Lesnar’s always wanted to be Number One, so Heyman will spell it out: this is not a belt, not a strap, prop, or anything else; this is a declaration that you are Number One in the Universe. This belt lets someone tell their children that daddy is better than everyone, “the biggest dog in the biggest yard”, the number one on Earth and in the known universe. It’s not how bad you want the title, it’s how bad the title wants you.

This is the sacrifice you must make to be Universal Champion: the Saturday night before Wrestlemania and you get a phone call that something really bad happened to your father, you can’t. That’s because this title needs you to defend it. Then after defending it, you still can’t fly away to family, because then there’s the Raw after ‘Mania and the title needs to be shown off. And then maybe if you don’t go to SmackDown, then and only then do you go home. The title needs you more, loves you more, and lusts for you more, because it is everything that you are and you are everything that is the title. Roman Reigns, if you still want to meet Lesnar on Raw in Detroit, go ahead, and say whatever you want. Because you don’t want to shoot with Heyman, or shoot with BROCK LESNAR.

However, Roman Reigns appears!

Heyman stays in the ring, belt on the mat, while Roman enters the ring. Roman lets Heyman pick the belt up before speaking. “Milwaukee, this is what I’m talking about.” Roman said a lot of stuff, harsh but true, and yet what does Lesnar do? He sends Heyman for the rebuttal. “Brock really is a bitch, isn’t he?” Roman isn’t asking for anything other than Lesnar to show up. The fans ask for the same thing. But that’s still not enough. Lesnar should want to be here. Roman keeps it simple: if Lesnar is in Detroit next week, so is Roman. And Heyman can tell Lesnar that Lesnar can say whatever he wants, but don’t come looking for a promo segment, come looking for a fight!

Roman lets Heyman leave with his message. What will the fallout be when Beast and Big Dog truly come face-to-face?!

 

My Thoughts:

A pretty good episode right here. We get the Rousey plans finally established, and they’re upped to a mixed tag match for her debut. Not quite the best thing, as Stephanie is just using this to include herself in the fun, but this is probably the most fun option for it since it’ll have Angle and HHH joining in. Not sure what the build will be, but I’m kind of hoping we get videos of HHH training Stephanie back into wrestling shape. Opening with the Asuka VS Nia rematch was a nice surprise, and this match was a really gritty step up from Elimination Chamber. Asuka of course wins to keep her Streak and momentum alive, but what was really impressive was Nia’s reaction. Her segment with Alexa was some grade A given how expertly veiled all of Alexa’s mean comments were, and how Nia cried on cue.

I’m not sure what The Bar gains by not having Wrestlemania opponents, even if their match proved they can do what The Revival does as good as The Revival. Perhaps with no clear contender, there will be a huge series of matches to determine who The Bar faces and how. Cena being back on Raw so soon makes some sense, and his match with Goldust was a great “impromptu” moment, but I was kinda hoping either he would stay on SmackDown or at least have a slightly longer match with Goldy. Bayley meanwhile has a real fun match with Mandy, but the development between her and Sasha is the real meat of the segment. It may not be that Bayley is going Heel, but she might never side with Sasha again. And while Elias is great, Strowman is greater, and their entire segment was gold, these guys need gold.

Speaking of gold, ULTIMATE DELETION better be pure BROKEN Brilliance or WWE will truly disappoint fans. Then the Intercontinental Championship getting a Triple Threat is great, and it makes it so it’ll be a little bit harder to predict who wins. Rollins getting it would be great so that The Shield members are all Grand Slam Champions, while also ruining Miz’s history-making moment. Ending on the Universal Championship segment was good, and continuing to keep Lesnar away is really helping the story. More fans are slowly shifting to Roman’s side, not because it’s Roman but because it’s the full-timer over the part-timer. I just hope next week’s face-to-face doesn’t turn into tug-of-war like it did before WM31, but into a brawl like it always should.

My Score: 8/10


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Mitchell’s ROH Death Before Dishonor Results & Report! (7/26/24)

YEEHAW!

Published

57 mins ago

on

July 26, 2024

By

The word of the day is, “Gold!”

ROH brings Death Before Dishonor to Texas, and makes it bigger than ever! SIX championship matches, how drastically will the landscape change?

OFFICIAL RESULTS

  • Zero Hour – MXM Collection VS Spanish Announce Project; wins.
  • Komander VS The Beast Mortos; wins.
  • Texas Deathmatch: Leyla Hirsch VS Diamante; wins.
  • ROH World Six Man Tag Team Championship Qualifier: Dustin Rhodes & The Von Erichs VS The Dark Order; wins and advances to Battle of the Belts 11.
  • ROH World Tag Team Championships: The Kingdom VS Tomohiro Ishii & Kyle O’Reilly; win(s) and
  • ROH World Television Championship Survival of the Fittest: Atlantis Jr. VS Lio Rush VS Shane Taylor VS Johnny TV VS Lee Johnson VS Brian Cage; wins and
  • ROH Pure Championship: Wheeler Yuta VS Lee Moriarty; wins and
  • ROH Women’s World Television Championship: Billie Starkz VS Red Velvet; wins and
  • ROH Women’s World Championship: Athena VS Queen Aminata; wins and
  • ROH World Championship: Mark Briscoe VS Roderick Strong; wins and

PLAY BY PLAY

[Due to scheduling conflicts, coverage will be on delay]


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Andrew’s TNA iMPACT! Results & Match Ratings: 7.25.2024

Slammiversary Fallout! Where do things go on the way to Victory Road?

Published

21 hours ago

on

July 25, 2024

By

Well now we start the fall out of Slammiversary. Josh Alexander in his bad bitch summer, X-Speedball legacy, ABC got the t-a-g and Jordynne is still in charge of the Knockouts division. Like I said at the end of Slammiversary, all of the champions being Babyfaces is stupid. They need to drop a couple titles fairly quickly, because I don’t care what some people say, Nic Nemeth ain’t gonna bring any eyes to the brand. He’s about as hot as day old Hamburger Helper over a camping sterno.

We’ll probably open with the luke warm champion, so tune in like 10 minutes late for anything of substance to be happen.

https://x.com/i/status/1816629254349533588

Ratings:

  • Steve Maclin vs Cody Deaner: Maclin wins via KIA – *
  • AJ Francis w/Rich Swann & Josh Bishop vs Sami Callihan: AJ wins via Down Payment – **
  • Hammer Your ASH (ASH by Elegance & Alexander Hammerstone) vs JuggerYoung (Jordynne Grace & Eric Young): Hammer Your ASH wins via Torture Rack – ** 1/2
  • The System (Eddie Edwards, Brian Myers & JDC) w/Alisha Edwards vs Matt Hardy & The ABC (Ace Austin & Chris Bey): Broken Alphabet wins via Twist & Splash – ***

 

Results:

Nemeth gives the ole “I’ll be a fighting champion…blah blah” promo and drops the “any company” line that we’ve already understood what that means. Campaign Singh cuts him off…and I never thought I’d be happy for Campaign Singh to walk out and say anything…ever. And…Mustafa’s promo is worse than Dolph’s. He’s gone from parody to caricature even saying “it was the biggest screw job Montreal ever saw”. Like some of these lines are cheap heat, but most are just brain dead comments that wouldn’t get a reaction out of anyone (and the crowd was silent for that comment). Mustafa gets caught in an Archer “phrasing” moment about getting screwed hard, but this is painful. Promos written by 14 year olds everyone…

This ends with Ali challenging Nemeth for the World Title. While I’m not against walk up challenges, I watch Japanese wrestling, I don’t really get the point aside from doing it just to do it. 

ABC and Matt Hardy have a small promo, and I’m still not really a fan of Unbroken Matt Version 6.0. The floating between Broken voice and his normal voice sounds amateurish.

OH LOOK, finally a match 20 minutes into the show. And it’s my son Steve Maclin! OH CHRIST he’s facing Deaner. This has been 25 minutes of talking followed by the worst god damn attempt at a gimmick. Deaner’s little “Papa Santino told me I can wipe my ass only if the crowd agrees”. This gimmick should die in a fire.

Steve Maclin vs Cody Deaner

Deaner started off quick because Maclin was in disbelief that Deaner was actually gonna fight him. Maclin dodges a Crossbody, Busaiku Knee, and just starts beating on Deaner for fun. And this is fun, maybe Maclin can make sure Deaner gets stretchered out and written off forever. How do you call for an ambulance in French? Maclin with the old Back Breaker into a stretch. Deaner tries to nerd rage up, breaks the Back Breaker Stretch, his punch combo, into a Manhattan Drop and Bulldog. Deaner hits the Crossbody, but Maclin kicks out. This is entirely too competitive.

Deaner goes for the Deaner DDT, blocked, Olympic Slam into Splashing Deaner into the corner, Caught in the Crosshairs, K-I-A, thanks for coming you damn dweeb. Stay in Canada and don’t travel Deaner, please.

https://x.com/i/status/1816633784537874761

AJ Francis w/Rich Swann & Josh Bishop vs Sami Callihan

As the bell sounds, Sami knocks Rich off the apron, Low Bridges AJ, does the Beats of the Bodhran on AJ and then AJ eats the offense and strategizes with his crew. Bishop and Rich swarm the ring, Sami allows himself to get distracted so AJ slides in and starts beating on Sami. AJ throats Sami across the middle rope and Rich makes his presence felt, AJ distracts the referee and Rich gets in a lot of cheap shots. Bishop throws Sami back in the ring, and AJ keeps up the pressure. Lots of 5 count chokes and leverage moves. After the commercial break ends, Sami dodges a Tennessee Whiskey Knee, gets in a few shots before Rich trips Sami as he’s setting up a Dive, and then AJ takes advantage of the position and hits the goofball knee strike.

AJ calls for his Chokeslam, Sami tries to break it with Axe Handles, then claws the eyes. Sami goes for a Scoop Slam, gets him part way up and then falls over. AJ Chokeslam again, but he bites his hand and starts fighting back. Launches himself at AJ, sends him bouncing off the ropes and uses the momentum to hit that Scoop Slam that was teased earlier. Sami goes for a Western Lariat but eats a Big Boot. AJ does a little Hulk Hogan pose to signal a Leg Drop, but Sami dodges and then connects on a Sliding Lariat. Thumbs Up, Thumbs….interference. Rich distracts the ref, Bishop lays out Sami, AJ connects with the Down Payment.

Hammer Your ASH (ASH by Elegance & Alexander Hammerstone) vs JuggerYoung (Jordynne Grace & Eric Young)

ASH and Jordynne exchange slaps and then Jordynne starts to out muscle ASH. Spinebuster from Jordynne, Juggernaut Driver attempt, but ASH fights off, rope run, Sattelite DDT into both tagging out. EY does the Flair corner flop, slides back in between Hammer’s legs, and connects on a Neckbreaker. EY is the quicker of the two, but Hammer finally gets his hands on him and a Release Belly to Belly into a full mount raining of fists, then a near fall. Hammer smashes EY in a corner, Arm Wringer into an Irish Whip across, but EY moves and Hammer tags out to ASH. ASH levels Jordynne, peppers EY with a few shots and pulls him back to their corner and starts some tandem offense with Hammerman. Hammer Guerilla Presses ASH and throws her into EY for a near fall. Hammer looks to aim for either a Powerbomb or Nightmare Pendulum, but EY drops it into a Small Package, pinfall kick out, they both run, Double Lariat spot. The Knockouts get tagged in.

Jordynne is in control early, World’s Strongest Slam into a Vader Bomb. Juggernaut Driver attempt, but ASH fights it off and tags out to Hammer. Jordynne and EY do some schoolyard stuff with the old Push while Jordynne is down to trip Hammer. All four get in, ASH gets leveled, EY gets leveled, Hammer and Jordynne have a brief face off, but Hammer throws Jordynne to the apron and ASH connects with a Meteora from the apron. Death Valley Driver from Young on Hammer, ASH stares in shock, EY tells her to get, ASH runs away. EY goes up for his Macho Elbow, and ASH causes him to fall to Hammer’s feet, Torture Rack, and EY submits.

Josh Alexander comes out, with new heel music. And it’s not that bad, definitely better than some other people’s new music. Josh yells at the crowd a bit, says he can’t wait til he’s back in a real Canadian town, like his home of Toronto. Then he drops the mic in lieu of an explanation. The crowd chants him off with the “Nah Nah Nah Nah, Hey Hey Hey”. 

https://x.com/i/status/1816647373654724937

The System (Eddie Edwards, Brian Myers & JDC) w/Alisha Edwards vs Matt Hardy & The ABC (Ace Austin & Chris Bey)

JDC and Hardy start, but JDC quickly tags out to Myers and that doesn’t go well. Hardy grabs a hold of Myers, a few Delete chops, drags him to his corner and they all get in a few shots punctuated with Hardy getting tagged back in and an Elbow into Myers’ extended and worked on left arm. Myers stays isolated, back into the corner, Boot to the gut, Ace tags in and wallops Myers. Ace connects on Double Kicks, into Russian Leg Sweep and his half of Click Click Boom, for a 2 count. Myers finally gets free with a Jaw Breaker and tags out to Eddie. But The System gets no momentum, Ace stifles Eddie’s offense and starts a few quick tags with him and Bey for tandem offense. Moose finally comes down the ramp as Eddie kicked out of yet another pinfall attempt because The System has had nothing going for them. Eddie finally gets some offense since Moose was a big enough distraction.

Eddie thinks they have a spot, so he tags back in JDC, but The ABC stop him cold, tag in Matt Hardy, and Matt walks down JDC, but JDC Low Bridges. Matt is on the outside, so all of The System surrounds Hardy, then Joe Hendry’s music hits! That stops the heel beatdown, and we follow Hendry’s entire entrance. So that proves Hendry is bigger than the 8 other people in this frame. Not really sure if that’s optics you want to push along. Ace and JDC try to remind people there’s wrestling going on, but JDC thumbs the eye to get a little something going. Vertical Suplex for a near fall, tag out for Eddie and Eddie lights up Ace with some of those NOAH Chops. Ace retreats to the ropes and Alisha chokes him with the ropes while the ref is distracted.

Myers gets tagged in, Ace tries to use the crowd energy, Myers stops it at first but then Ace slips a Scoop Slam and tags out to Bey. Hot tag, strike rush, Double Stomp, educated feet, Leap Frog to the corner but Lish climbs on the apron and yells at Bey which stops his rhythm. Myers kicks his feet out and causes Bey to crash. Eddie tags in for a few shots, then to JDC and Slingshot Knees, Wringer Snapmare, Bow and Arrow Submission, and JDC is just doing solid wrestling work right now. Uppercut between the Shoulder Blades as Bey tries to get out, tag to Myers and Bey is still eating offense. Eddie tags in, Bey tries the Sunset Flip, but Eddie tags out before going over, so Myers folds up Bey for a near fall and then tags out to JDC who connects on a Standing Suplex, slams Bey’s face into the corner, Eddie tags in, and Bey finally fights up to his feet, Eddie just flatten Bey’s comeback, tries a Tiger Driver but eats an Enzuigiri for a simultaneous tag. JDC and Hardy come in, JDC tries to exit halfway in, but Hardy is wrecking shop. He disposes of Eddie, Myers slides in but eats a tandem Neckbreaker/DDT from Hardy. Face team does the Delete Corner Face Smashes. Poetry in Motion into a Side Effect into Corkscrew Swanton for only 2 since Myers breaks it up! Everyone throwing hands, referee is distracted, Moose comes in to Spear Hardy, but Hardy dodges and throws him into JDC (I get the call back), Hendry then lays out Moose with the big Lariat. Twist of Fate from Hardy, Splash from Bey, Broken Alphabet wins!

 

Overall Score: 4/10

Ugh, cliche promos, too damn much talking, a competitive squash match with an imbecile as our first “match”, into an overbooked and slow heel match, finally a decent tag match (with the right team going over), into another overbooked match with a “tease” for the mystery backup being more obvious than Jericho’s WWF debut.

Aside from the afore mentioned tag match, The Rascalz promo and The System Promo; this was hard to watch. A lot of cornball promos, Rosemary licks her conspiracy board, storylines got zero traction. Whoopity Doo, Ryan Nemeth got a match next week and we get an undead wedding.

While this was a bad episode, it was bad by at least new standards. We’re not back in the TNA Dark Days again, but this was…a useless show.


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