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Mitchell’s WWE Raw Results & Report! (5/3/21)

Raw is ALL MIGHTY!

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Coverage Raw 2021

Raw is chocked full of champions!

The Raw Tag Team Champions AND the WWE Women’s Tag Team Champions defend their titles, and Bobby Lashley faces one of his contenders! But will it be the Scottish Warrior or Monster Among Men that steps up?

OFFICIAL RESULTS

  • Raw Tag Team Championships: AJ Styles & Omos VS The New Day; Styles & Omos win and retain the titles.
  • Charlotte Flair VS Dana Brooke w/ Mandy Rose; Charlotte wins.
  • John Morrison w/ The Miz VS Damian Priest; Priest wins.
  • Lucha House Party VS Cedric Alexander & Shelton Benjamin; LHP wins.
  • Drew Gulak VS Angel Garza; Garza wins.
  • Elias & Jaxson Ryker VS Randy Orton & Matt Riddle; Orton & Riddle win.
  • Open Challenge: Sheamus VS Mansoor; Sheamus wins, by disqualification.
  • WWE Women’s Tag Team Championships: Nia Jax & Shayna Baszler w/ Reginald VS Naomi & Lana; Jax & Baszler win and retain the titles.
  • Bobby Lashley w/ MVP VS Braun Strowman; Lashley wins.

PLAY BY PLAY

Raw shares footage from earlier today.

MVP met with Adam Pearce and Sonya Deville in their officer, and Pearce knows he doesn’t have to remind MVP of what Bobby Lashley said last week. MVP insists Pearce put some respect on the name, “The All Mighty Bobby Lashley.” MVP reminds Pearce that the All Mighty said he could beat Drew McIntyre or Braun Strowman in 1v1 competition. Yes, and so Pearce has a coin that they will flip, Lashley faces whoever it says. MVP checks the coin, and sees that it feels right. But McIntyre walks in and can’t believe this is a thing. MVP said Lashley isn’t worried so why even worry about the coin toss? And it doesn’t matter whether it’s tonight, next week or at Backlash, McIntyre beats Lashley to take back HIS title.

But Braun walks in to say McIntyre is “so wrong.” Lashley will eat his words when BRAUN beats him, just like Braun beat McIntyre last week. Oh, yes, surely Braun convinced himself he won all by himself, no Mace or T-Bar. Braun and McIntyre argue, Pearce tells them to save this for the Triple Threat. Braun, call the toss. Braun chooses tails, and tails never fails! Braun gets Lashley, and promises a preview of the Pay-Per-View. MVP says Braun shouldn’t plan on getting anywhere near Lashley’s championship. What’s that supposed to mean? McIntyre says that after Braun and Lashley beat each other up, they’re both getting one-way tickets to Claymore Country.

MVP says that was poetic but not what he meant. It’s that once Lashley puts Braun in the Hurt Lock tonight, Braun won’t even make it to Backlash. Oh is that so? But now we know which two titans battle in tonight’s main event! Who will be left standing to go strong into #WrestleManiaBacklash?

 

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome the NEW Raw Tag Team Champions, AJ Styles & Omos!

Finally, the PHENOMENAL duo return! Styles and Omos have the belts and bring them to the ring, and they get mics to finally speak as champions. “For those of you who were foolish enough NOT to tune in for WrestleMania Saturday, you would’ve seen AJ Styles and Omos defeat the New Day and become the NEW Raw Tag Team Champions!” And by the way, it was Omos’ first match ever, and he WRECKED the New Day! Omos is likely to wreck them again tonight, here on Raw! But before tossing Kofi & Woods around like rag dolls in a WrestleMania rematch, Styles has a question for the WWE Universe: “Did you miss us?”

Of course you did! They’re the Raw Tag Team Champions, of course the fans missed them! And Styles is sure we have questions for them, like where they went after their victory. They went to party, that’s where! Off the coast in Florida, in the Caribbean, having Pina Coladas and getting sun tans, it was awesome! They have better things to do than throw tomatoes like the New Day. Ridiculous. And officially, Styles is a GRAND SLAM CHAMPION~! He could go on and on about all that, and how he did it in just five years. The New Day has been through a lot, Styles doesn’t want to make them jealous and stuff, but they’re here for one reason and one reason only.

But the New Day enters to interrupt! Styles smiles as he likes the gear. They’re like AJ Styles! Woods says Styles & Omos made a hell of an impact, and that was incredible. Kofi wasn’t even sure these two still worked here but they’re back, congrats on the time off. Bravo. You love to see it. Because this is the work ethic that allowed the New Day to become 11-time champions! Yeah, came and went, had a lack of respect, all that, right? That’s what champs are made of, right? Are they? But look, all jokes aside, they’ve had fun, but New Day will tell you something about them. There IS a reason why they’re ELEVEN TIME champions: Every time they get knocked down, they pick themselves up and dust themselves off, to get those titles back like clockwork!

And as for Styles, he can take shots and jabs if he wants, but here’s the fact: on the greatest night of Kofi’s career, #KofiMania, with family and friends there to celebrate with him, it was a very physically draining match, emotionally draining, and somehow, some way, Kofi was back the  very next night on Raw, not even part of the roster then, because that’s the kind of champion Kofi is, that the New Day made him! Brag, boast, and talk about you won ONE time and somehow had a month off! That’s not the way that New Day rolls, bruh. Omos says this is ENOUGH from the morons talking and joking. Omos didn’t knock enough sense into them at Mania! But after tonight, neither of them will be able to laugh! Or even walk! OH~! Come get this work, New Day!

Well then, hopefully the champs enjoyed the victory lap. Because we’re back to reality. And the reality is, the New Day aren’t just going to be the one, two, three four five so on and so on time, but the TWELVE TIME W! W! E! WORLD! TAG! TEAM! CHAMPIONS~!! It’ll be WrestleMania revisited, after the break!

Raw Tag Team Championships: AJ Styles & Omos VS The New Day!

Raw returns and Styles starts with Woods. They circle, approach, and Styles acts like he forgot something. Styles tags to Omos! The 7’4″, just-under 400 pound tower stands before Woods for the first time on a Monday night! Woods gives kicks but Omos isn’t bothered. Omos grabs Woods by his head to TOSS him! Woods flounders back up, Omos CLUBS him down! Styles loves what he sees as Omos gets Woods up to TOSS him into the New Day’s corner! Omos dares Kofi to step up, so Kofi tags in. Kofi circles around Omos, kicks him in the leg, but Omos still isn’t bothered by it. Kofi tries again, but it still doesn’t do anything. Omos blocks a kick, spins Kofi, and just shoves him down!

Omos drags Kofi up, whips him to ropes, but Kofi ducks then boots back! Omos felt that one! Woods tags in, New Day double dropkick! Omos rebounds to DOUBLE LARIAT! Styles is fired up! Omos dares the New Day to try again, Omos drags Woods up and SMASHES him with a knee! Styles and Omos high-five, but the ref says that’s a tag! Styles argues the difference with the ref, but Woods rolls Styles up, TWO!! Woods ENZIGURIS, Styles falls out of the ring, tag to Kofi! Woods WRECKS Styles with a dropkick, Kofi builds sped but Omos stands in his way. Kofi decides to TRIANGLE TRUST FALL instead! Direct hit and things are in New Day’s favor now as Raw goes to break!

Raw returns again and Woods grinds Styles down with a chinbar and armlock. Styles fights up, throws forearms, and is free. Styles runs but into a mule kick! BASEMENT COMPLETE SHOT! Cover, TWO! Woods drags Styles up and into the corner, “Time to turn up!” The Unicorn Stomp-ede starts up, tag to Kofi then tag to Woods and repeat! The cycle ends on Kofi for Woods to whip him in, BASEMENT DROPKICK! Omos is frustrated as Kofi covers, TWO! Styles survives and Omos is relieved, but Kofi drags Styles around. Kofi has the armlock, shifts to a top wristlock, but Styles endures. Styles fights up, throws haymakers, and is free again, only for Kofi to KNEE him down! Kofi covers, TWO!

Kofi drags Styles up, but Styles hits a jawbreaker! Styles reaches but Kofi keeps him from Omos. Styles elbows then PELES! Woods tags in and gets Styles by the waistband! Woods reels Styles in, Styles slips out of the back suplex, tag to Omos! Woods rushes Omos but into an iron claw! Omos CLOBBERS Kofi then SLAMS Woods! Omos dead lifts Kofi for a BACKBREAKER! Woods staggers into a scoop, for a BACKBREAKER! Omos has a New Day member in each corner, and he runs to back body block Kofi, then corner to corner to back body block Woods! Kofi staggers in, into the TWO HAND SLAM! Woods mule kicks but Omos stays on his feet! Omos BOOTS Woods down!

Omos roars as he looms over both New Day members! Styles tags in and climbs up Omos! SUPER PHENOMENAL FOREARM to Woods! Cover, Styles & Omos win!

Winners: AJ Styles & Omos, by pinfall (still Raw Tag Team Champions)

Talk about phenomenal! Will it take a team even greater than the New Day to dethrone a team this powerful?

 

Sonya Deville talks with someone backstage.

She understands how they feel, and will take their request into consideration. it’s Charlotte Flair! She smiles as she struts out of the office and Pearce asks what that was about. Nothing he needs to worry about. Pearce tells Sonya that while he appreciates her input and feedback, she is overstepping her bound. There’s a stare down between the two governing officials, are we just one wrong move away from a power struggle?

 

A classic never goes out of style.

Eva Marie asks, “Do I have your attention?” She’s been thinking about where she’s been and where she’s going. Does she have your attention? Good. There are twists and turns in the road of life, but she’s always tried to control her destiny. “But part of that is giving back.” She has your attention, and wants to inspire you. She’s come full circle, “this is Eva-lution.”

 

Backstage interview with MVP & Bobby Lashley.

Luck was on Braun’s side to face Lashley in tonight’s main event, but MVP says Braun’s luck actually ran out. Braun could have a salad of just four-leaf clovers, then eat a rabbit’s foot stew, and still wouldn’t have enough luck to change tonight’s outcome with the All Mighty WWE Champion. Braun is just lucky being in the ring with Lashley, or unlucky depending on your perspective. But whether it’s Braun or McIntyre, neither can compare to Lashley. MVP won’t discount how great and ferocious those two are, they’re “forces of nature” no normal man could handle.

But Lashley himself says he is no normal man. He is even more ferocious, and even more of a FREAK of nature. And neither of his opponents can take this title. You’ll have to pry it out of his cold, dead hands, and even then, Lashley doesn’t like your odds. But he could lose the title without being in the decision, and he won’t let that happen. MVP says the Strowman Express will be derailed, so all aboard the All Mighty Era!

 

The New Day are recovering backstage.

But while they have icepacks, Elias and Jaxson Ryker are lurking with a basket of tomatoes! Getting hit with these was the single most humiliating moment in Elias’ career. But they have a clear shot at them, so it’s time for payback. The trainer leaves, and the tomatoes fly! Wait, they accidentally hit RANDY ORTON!! The Viper had unfortunate timing, for Elias. But then Matt Riddle scoots by and says hey. Will RKBRO have something to say to the Drifter and his follower?

 

Charlotte Flair VS Dana Brooke w/ Mandy Rose!

The Queen dispatched with one #SexyMuscleFriend, but now she must face the other! Can Dana get payback for Mandy? Or will it be a clean sweep as Charlotte pursues the throne?

Raw returns as Dana & Mandy make their entrance. The bell rings and the Flex Appeal stares down Charlotte. They approach, tie up, and Charlotte wrenches to push Dana around. Charlotte still says Dana hasn’t gone anywhere from being the protégé she was. Dana fires off furious forearms! Charlotte shoves her away, swings but Dana dodges to handspring! Dana goes around and around and headscissors Charlotte, to then dropkick her down! Charlotte gets up, gets Dana for a backbreaker then a Complete Shot to ropes! Charlotte stomps Dana, drags her to a cover, TWO! Charlotte is annoyed that Dana is still in this, but she tells Mandy to back up.

Charlotte is on the apron and she BOOTS Dana back in! Charlotte covers, TWO! The count is not to Charlotte’s liking but she drags Dana up to throw her out hard! “I thought I taught you better than this.” Mandy gets Dana up and in but Charlotte KNEES Dana down! Dana hotshots back! Charlotte staggers, Dana turns her around to ENZIGURI! Charlotte staggers but she comes back to CLOBBER Dana! Dana rolls to a corner, Charlotte checks her neck, and then runs in, but into a BOOT! Dana elbows Charlotte, goes up and headscissors, but Charlotte powers her up,. Dana sunset flips, Charlotte STOMPS her down!

Charlotte is getting frustrated as she stalks Dana. She runs in but Dana dodges the boot! Dana fires off haymakers as Charlotte is stuck on the ropes! Dana runs corner to corner to handspring back in, for a back elbow! Charlotte staggers, Dana whips her to the other corner and handsprings in again, for another back elbow! Dana pushes Charlotte down, climbs up top, and SWANTON BOMBS! Cover, TWO!! Charlotte survives and Dana can’t believe it! Dana grits her teeth, Mandy coaches her up, and Dana runs corner to corner again for another handspring! Charlotte CHOP BLOCKS Dana down! Figure Four, to Figure EIGHT!! Dana taps, Charlotte wins!

Winner: Charlotte Flair, by submission

A valiant effort, but now Charlotte is making her pay for it! But Mandy dropkicks Charlotte out of the bridge! And then runs to KNEE FROM A ROSE! Mandy scrapes Charlotte out of the ring, but here comes Sonya! Charlotte has a big grin on her face as Sonya heads to ringside. What will this WWE official in the Queen’s back pocket have to say after the break?

 

Raw returns and Sonya stands with Charlotte in the ring.

“As WWE official, equal to that of Adam Pearce,” Sonya Deville allows Charlotte to “make a proposal.” Charlotte has to be honest. She was a bit taken aback to hear Asuka has another opportunity against Rhea Ripley for the Raw Women’s Championship, and Charlotte was again left out of the conversation. Does Charlotte have to again remind us all that SHE beat Asuka’s undefeated streak? Does she again have to remind us that SHE put Rhea on the map when she won the NXT Women’s Championship at WrestleMania 36? Does Charlotte have to remind us again that RHEA stole CHARLOTTE’S chance when she took the spot at WrestleMania 37?

Yes, Charlotte has made mistakes, she understands that. She has learned the error of her ways, and is happy to be back. But Sonya can’t look Charlotte in the eye that if Charlotte is added to Backlash, that the PPV wouldn’t be a bigger deal. She’s not done talking, Sonya. Asuka and Rhea can only take the division so far. But you add Charlotte, she makes it that much more important. Charlotte is the influencer of the WWE, the original influencer of the WWE, the most FAMOUS influencer in the WWE Women’s Division! She influences, others follow. it’s more than being a locker room leader. She says something, they do it.

We all know Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian, right? And how some of their friends the coattails to become famous? Charlotte relates to that. She gave Sonya the opportunity to be the authority, and she made a courageous and correct decision by undoing the unjustice of suspension! “But here’s the thing, love me or hate me, the division NEEDS me! The WWE Universe NEEDS me!” Charlotte is happy to oblige, but she needs a match worthy of her! Sonya made the right decision once, so do it again and ADD her to Backlash! Sonya, Sonya, Sonya, make that courageous decision. Sonya, be fair to Flair. You got it?

Sonya finally gets to speak and says that is a compelling argument. The men have a Triple Threat match, so then the women will, too. Charlotte has been added to the title match at #WrestleManiaBacklash. But here comes the champion! Rhea Ripley says no no no, hold on. Rhea’s put up with a lot, but this is CRAP. There’s a reason why Charlotte wasn’t in the match at WrestleMania, and it’s the same reason why NOBODY wants to see her in the coming match! “Nobody likes you,” Charlotte! NOBODY! Rhea is confident that she can beat Asuka 1v1 because she already has. And she became champion because of it. But a Triple Threat? Everyone knows how unfair that is!

But Rhea should’ve known that bringing Charlotte back was just a part of the plan. And now, the Empress of Tomorrow walks out! Asuka also says this is CRAP! Sonya tells them to watch their mouths, but Asuka mocks Charlotte as a “whining, crying little baby!” WAH WAH~! But it doesn’t matter to her! She can beat Charlotte, she can beat Rhea, and why? Because she is ready to become Raw Women’s Champion again! Charlotte says this is why no one compares to Charlotte! They get thrown one curveball, and look at them! They’re losing their minds! Rhea is walking into Backlash with a title, but Charlotte will be walking out with it!

Rhea gets in Sonya’s face about this, Sonya tries to defend her position, but Charlotte CLOBBERS Rhea! So Asuka hits Charlotte! Asuka pushes Charlotte out and is all fired up! Fair or not, will the Nightmare be in for a nightmare of her own? Is the Queen going to slip in and take her throne back? Or will the Empress destroy them all and EARN the throne back?

 

Backstage interview with Humberto Carrillo.

Dale Gas! But when it comes to him challenging the “fighting champion,” The Fella and Carrillo have gone back and forth. Carrillo says Sheamus is a “tough guy” bully, just because he thinks he can do it. Carrillo knows what it feels like to be bullied, and he won’t let anyone do it! He’ll keep challenging Sheamus over and over until he- GETS BLINDSIDED! Sheamus mugs Carrillo, bumps him off road cases and tables! He even throws him into a bigger case! Sheamus then tells Carrillo, “Looks like you’ll be in no condition to accept my open challenge tonight. But chin up, there’s always next week.” Has the Celtic Warrior cleared out one contender? Or only lit a new fire inside him?

 

Pearce confronts Sonya backstage!

What the hell? Making the Raw Women’s Championship match into a Triple Threat?! This is beyond abuse of power! Last week, they agreed to make decisions together. Sonya sent a text. They share an office! Well the service must be terrible, but this was an urgent decision that had to be made. But yes, they should make decisions together. Pearce agrees, but are they really going to be on the same page?

 

John Morrison w/ The Miz VS Damian Priest!

The Hollywood A-Lister has tried to stop the Archer of Infamy but has only ended up looking a fool. Will the Guru of Greatness be the one to take Priest to Slam Town? Or will Priest just #HitTheLights?

Raw returns and Miz has a mic. “last time I checked, I am the Miz, one of the most decorated stares in WWE history.” And this is John Morrison, AKA America’s MOIST Wanted, a man so nice you have to say his nickname twice, Johnny Drip Drip! And last Monday, they suffered a sophomoric prank by being pelted by rotten tomatoes by The New Day and Damian Priest! What kind of treatment is that for someone of their pedigree? Forget your opinions for a moment and just look at the accomplishments! A WrestleMania main event; a two-time world champion; a two-time Mr. Money in the Bank; Intercontinental Champion; United States Champion; WWE Tag Team Champion; movie star, reality TV star, the list goes on and one!

And when you hear that, you think about a first-ballot Hall of Fame inductee! An all time great whose accomplishments stack up against literally anyone in history! Cena, Rock, Austin, Hogan… Miz. It is only farfetched when you ignore the facts. But would any of them be subjected to the disrespect he received? NEVER! And what about Morriso- And yet MIZ is the bad guy? He simply wanted an itsy, bitsy, teeny-weeny, bit of respect. R E S P E C T! Aretha Franklin, baby! Now about Morrison- Priest has shown them such disrespect, they have no choice but for Morrison to BEAT respect into him! Forgiveness ain’t good for dripness, and now it’s Johnny’s turn!

But Priest makes his entrance, and it’s time to either get respect or get wrecked!

The bell rings, Morrison waistlocks then headlocks, but Priest powers out to pop-up and ATOMIC DROP! Those are still tender! Priest sweeps the legs, covers, ONE! Priest clamps onto an arm, drags Morrison down, but Morrison shifts to get a toehold. Morrison floats to get a waistlock then headlock, but Priest wrenches out to a hammerlock. Priest spins Morrison for a cravat but Morrison throws body shots. Morrison wants a Moonlight Drive, but Priest shoves him to clothesline him out of the ring! Priest is fired up and Raw goes to break.

Raw returns again and Morrison fires off on Priest against the ropes. Morrison whips, Priest comes back to knee low! Morrison trips Priest, spins to throw down forearms, then stomps him before raining down more! Priest shoves Morrison away but Morrison comes back with a SHINING WIZARD! Cover, TWO! Miz is fired up as Morrison clamps onto Priest. Morrison squeezes the chinlock tight, but Priest endures and fights his way up. Fans rally on their screens, Priest gets up but Morrison knees low and CLUBS him on the back. Morrison runs, into a FLAPJACK! Both men are down and Miz is worried.

Morrison and Priest slowly rise, Morrison drags Priest up but Priest ROCKS him with a right! Priest fires off shots, ROCKS Morrison again, and then KICKS away from all sides! Morrison boots the punch away, then fights through a block to ROCK Priest! Priest KICKS and KICKS again, then spins, but Morrison ducks to EDDY GORDO KICK! Priest staggers about, but he punches Morrison’s forearm away! Priest BOOTS, then runs to back elbow in the corner! Priest gets Morrison up, Morrison slips out and shoves, but Priest CLOBBERS him! Cover, TWO!! Miz is relieved again as Morrison survives, but Priest looms over the Guru of Greatness.

Priest goes to a corner, climbs up, but Miz gets on the apron! Priest scares him off, but Morrison gets up top to SUPER SPANISH FLY! Cover, TWO!?! Priest survives and Miz is furious with the ref! The ref says the count was fair, but Morrison grits his teeth. Morrison drags Priest to a drop zone, goes up, but Priest drags him out of Starship Pain! Miz distracts, Morrison rolls Priest, but now the ref is missing the count! ONE, Morrison is angry with the ref but gets the BELL CLAP! HIT THE LIGHTS!! Cover, Priest wins!

Winner: Damian Priest, by pinfall

The Miz realizes he just cost his friend! Priest stares Miz down as Miz fixes his suit, but how will Miz fix his Priest problem?

 

Mansoor signs a Raw contract!

He is officially Monday Night Manny! Sheamus walks in and shows off his US Championship. Surely, we all know Carrillo wanted to challenge for the title, but we know that kid doesn’t have a leg to stand on. Accidents happen, though. Hey, who is this? An intern? Awesome! Mansoor introduces himself as a Raw superstar, just like Sheamus. Oh, just like Sheamus, huh? Mr. Hot Shot, huh? Is that what this is? Well then, tonight’s a big night, huh? Let’s make it even bigger! If Mansoor answered the open challenge and faced Sheamus, not for the title, there’s no better way for the fans to get to know him then taking a Brogue in the side of the head. See you out there, buddy!

Mansoor knows things change fast around here, but he didn’t expect it to be that quick. Pearce says Mansoor will get used to it. Will the still undefeated Mansoor be taking Sheamus up on his invitation?

 

Backstage interview with MVP.

But he won’t let Kayla even start as he says Lashley VS Braun shouldn’t even happen. He still can’t figure out how Braun weaseled his way into a situation where he made the title match a Triple Threat. Braun doesn’t belong! MVP knows that, Lashley knows that, and McIntyre knows that. In fact, McIntyre and Lashley have a lot in common. Their long road to the world title, their ferocity, tenacity and will to win like no other two in the world. In fact, it wouldn’t surprise MVP if Lashley and McIntyre teamed up to take out Braun so they could have the 1v1 match they rightfully deserve. Oh, and watch what the All Mighty Lashley does to the “so-called” Monster Among Men.

 

Lucha House Party VS Cedric Alexander & Shelton Benjamin!

Raw returns and this match is suddenly happening! Gran Metalik whips Alexander but Alexander runs him over. Things keep moving, Metalik hurdles but Alexander sweeps and covers, ONE! Alexander kicks low, whips Metalik to ropes, but Metalik handsprings to arm-drag! Metalik CHOPS Alexander, whips, but Alexander reverses, only for Metalik to RANA! Alexander staggers to a corner, Metalik runs in. Alexander dodges, Metalik goes up and around the ropes to missile dropkick Alexander down! Cover, TWO! Metalik gets Alexander up, runs, but into a scoop and MICHINOKU DRIVER! Both men are down, Alexander crawls to a cover, TWO!

Tag to Benjamin and Alexander holds Metalik down for Benjamin to get him up. Benjamin scoops and SLAMS, then scoops and SLAMS! Benjamin drags Metalik back up, whips to ropes, and LAUNCHES him with a back drop! Cover, TWO! Metalik survives but Benjamin keeps on him. Benjamin scoops Metalik for a BACKBREAKER, and then the rack! Cover, TWO! Benjamin drags Metalik up, tags Alexander in, and they mug Metalik. Alexander bumps Metlaik off buckles, fires off body shots and then stomps a mudhole in! The ref counts, Alexander lets off, and #PRIMED runs back in to forearm smash! Metalik boots back, then SLING-DOGS him down!

Both men crawl, hot tags to Lince Dorado and Benjamin! Golden Lynx fires off on Gold Standard, Quebrada but Benjamin dodges to CLOBBER Lince! Cover, TWO!! Benjamin throws hands on Lince in a corner, stomps him and knees him down, but the ref counts. Benjamin brings Lince around to ROCK him with a right, then whip him to ropes. Lnice uses the pop-up to rana but Benjamin blocks it! Benjamin brings Lince up, Lince tries to DDT but is denied! Benjamin BOOTS Lince down, covers, TWO! Benjamin drags Lince up, throws more hands in a corner, then whips corner to corner. Lince comes back to tilt-o-whirl and DDT!

Both men are down, Alexander runs in but is sent right back out! Tag to Metalik, Lince springboard CROSSBODIES! Metalik is up top, tightrope ELBOW DROP! Cover, Lucha House Party wins!!

Winners: Lucha House Party, by pinfall

That was Lucha LIT! Alexander is shocked, and he gets a mic to complain to BENJAMIN!? “We went from being WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS with the Hurt Business, to this?! Look at us! No wonder MVP and Lashley decided to kick us out!” But to be honest, they didn’t get kicked out, BENJMAIN got kicked out! Alexander should’ve turned on the weak link, too! Ask yourself this question, Benjamin: How long has he been here getting opportunity after opportunity and let it all slip through his fingers? How many years  does Benjamin have left?

Alexander is in the PRIME of his life, and he refuses to waste another second keeping Benjamin alive. So this team is DONE. What does this  mean for either man going forward?

 

Angel Garza has another rose.

But Drew Gulak asks the “pretty boy” if that’s for him. Oh that’s funny, huh? Yeah. It’s funny that the supposed ladies man can’t even score. And that rose smells almost as bad as Garza’s win-loss record. Speaking of, let’s have a match right now! If Garza accepts, then Gulak will smell like roses. Gulak can smell it, because Garza will shove the rose up his ass! Gulak is confused by the insult, but will one of these men get back on track at the other’s expense?

 

Backstage interview with Shelton Benjamin.

Those were harsh words from Alexander, what is his response? Harsh? Benjamin has survived this long in the WWE because he can take a hit. He’s seen so many bright stars come and go, much like Alexander. The only reason Alexander was in the Hurt Business was because Benjamin saw something in him that no one else did. If Alexander doesn’t want to learn from Benjamin, team with him, take the hits with him, then fine! Alexander’s a grown man, but he will RESPECT Benjamin. Benjamin LET Alexander run his mouth. But if he keeps going, Alexander will be just another bright young star that fizzles out while Benjamin continues to survive!

 

Drew Gulak VS Angel Garza!

Two former Cruiserweight Champions, two former 24/7 Champions, but only one can win tonight! Who returns to former glory in the wake of WrestleMania 37?

The bell rings, Garza takes his pants off and throws them at Gulak to then fire off SHOTGUN dropkicks! Garza hammers away, then snapmares and basement dropkicks! Garza is fuming as he rains down fists on Gulak! Gulak guards but Garza taunts him now. “Is that funny?!” Garza gets Gulak up, underhooks, and lifts for a BUTTERFLY BACKBREAKER! Gulak writhes, Garza grins and stalks him to a corner, but Gulak CHOPS! And boots! Gulak headbutts low and wraps on a sleeper hold! Gulak throws Garza around in the sleeper, then squeezes tight! Garza endures, Gulak taunts him, but Garza fights up to use the corner to swing and arm-drag free!

Garza runs in to CLOBBER Gulak! And another shotgun dropkick! Garza throws more forearms and has Gulak in a corner. The ref counts as Garza chokes Gulak then ROCKS him! Garza runs side to side for the BOOT WASH! Garza pushes Gulak around, double underhooks again, for the WING CLIPPER!! Cover, Garza wins!

Winner: Angel Garza, by pinfall

The Lethal Lothario emphasized the lethal part as he got a much needed win! But he grabs the rose, and does as he threatened! He puts it down Gulak’s pants to then PUNT it deeper! Every rose has its thorn, but will Garza be smelling sweet victory?

 

Matt Riddle finds the Viking Raiders backstage.

Sup, Erik & Ivar! Did you guys catch the NFL Draft? That was pretty wild stuff, huh? But which team do they cheer for? The Vikings? Or the Raiders? Actually, Erik is a Browns fan. Did not see that coming. Ivar explains that they’re the Viking Raiders, as in Vikings who raid. It isn’t two things together. Oh! Then lets raid and serenade some ladies Right, Ivar. You sexy stallion! Riddle then catches up to Orton again and says sup, bro. Orton isn’t your bro. Yeah, he knows, but metaphorically, they’re becoming bros for sharing the same interests and goals. Okay, they need to get serious, but Riddle is honored to tag with him. They’re undefeated! Unde…? They literally had just ONE match.

Orton sighs, and says they should win another one. Yeah! Snake skin, here we come! He’s even working on a logo so- Orton has Riddle zip the lip and “hand over the key.” Will #RKBRO continue to smoke teams outta nowhere?

 

Elias & Jaxson Ryker VS Randy Orton & Matt Riddle!

The Drifter and his follower should’ve been more careful about throwing tomatoes long range. The Viper was a casualty of a food fight gone wrong, but will he and The Bro use them to solidify their tag team partnership?

The teams sort out and Orton starts with Elias. Elias walks right into a kick, then Orton bumps Elias off buckles! Orton throws hands, stomps, and uppercuts, then even a headbutt! Orton keeps Elias cornered as he fires off more, but the ref counts. Orton lets off, Elias kicks low! Elias CLUBS Orton, tags in Ryker, and they mug Orton. Ryker throws hands, stomps Orton into a corner and fires off hands! Ryker lets off, Orton pokes him in the eye! Orton wrenches, wristlocks, and tags in Riddle. Riddle KICKS Ryker, gets a body scissor and Kimura! Ryker powers out and SLAMS Riddle down! Riddle is right back up to get a sleeper! Ryker fights the Bromission off and RAMS Riddle into buckles!

Elias tags in, Riddle leaps for Orton but Ryker catches him! SYMPHO-KNEE HART ATTACK! Cover, TWO! Elias throws hands on Riddle to keep him from Orton, then CHOPS him! Elias fires off m ore hands against the ropes, then lets off to whip and CLOBBER Riddle! Cover, TWO! Elias has Riddle’s hand and bends the fingers back! Riddle endures, fights up to fireman’s carry, but Elias elbows free! Elias ROCKS Riddle, tags Ryker, and they get Riddle up to suplex into a BACKBREAKER! Cover, TWO!! Riddle survives but Ryker stomps and drops headbutts! Ryker drags Riddle up, throws body shots, and gets Riddle for the slingshot suplex! Cover, TWO!

Ryker digs his knee into Riddle’s back, then drags him into a high camel clutch! Riddle fights up, kicks free and fires off forearms! Ryker knees low, reels Riddle in and suplexes again, but Riddle slips around to ripcord and FINAL FLASH! Both men are down, Riddle crawls his way over, hot tags to Orton and Elias! The Apex Predator rallies, kicks Elias and puts him in ropes, but Elias gets free to hotshot Orton! Elias drags Orton out, but Orton blocks the bump to bump Elias off the desk! Orton gets Elias up for the DESK BACK SUPLEX! Orton drags Elias into the ring, fights off Ryker, and then slithers after Elisa! Elias swings, into the back2backbreaker!

Orton pushes Elias back out, drags Elias back up and in, and just like last week, he tags to Riddle! Riddle climbs up, DRAPING DDT! Ryker runs in, RKO for him!! FLOATING BRO!! Cover, RKBRO wins!

Winners: Randy Orton & Matt Riddle, by pinfall

That’s 2-0 for RKBRO! Somehow, someway, the Viper and the Stallion are running wild in the tag division! Orton still isn’t up for the pose, though. Will that be the moment this team is 100% bro-fficial?

 

Backstage interview with Drew McIntyre.

What is his perspective on tonight’s main event? Who wins? Tough question. From his perspective, it doesn’t matter, so long as they beat the hell out of each other. But to bring up the giants in the room, so to speak, what are his thoughts on Mace & T-Bar? Ah yes, Mange and T-Bag. Why do they keep going after him? Why did they screw him over so that there’d be a Triple Threat at Backlash? Whose side are they on and who are they against? Why did they ditch the masks but keep the names? McIntyre doesn’t know the answers, but there is an old Scottish saying: What’s far ye will not go be ye. AKA, what’s mean to be will be. And that said, what’s meant to be is McIntyre caving in some heads at Backlash and regaining the WWE Championship!

But in walks Braun, and says he heard MVP talking about how McIntyre and Lashley might team up against Braun. Braun gets it, they think he doesn’t. But he earned his opportunity beating McIntyre last week. There is nothing you can do about that! And at Backlash, BRAUN is walking out the new champion! Maybe. Maybe not. But for now, just get out of here. Will Braun take care of the Rocky Mountain Machine before Backlash even arrives?

 

Open Challenge: Sheamus VS ???

The Celtic Warrior waylaid Carrillo, and then dared the newest signee to Raw to step up. Will Mansoor make his ThunderDome debut in a fight with the fighting champion?

Raw returns as Mansoor makes his entrance! The star of Saudi Arabia is still undefeated at just under 50 wins between NXT, 205 Live and even WWE Main Event. But will his first fight on Raw be his first loss?

The bell rings, they tie up, Sheamus headlocks and throws Mansoor away. They tie up again, and Sheamus headlocks for the takeover! Mansoor kips free, headlocks back, but Sheamus powers out and runs him over! Things speed up, Mansoor leaps but into a fireman’s carry! Sheamus gets Mansoor to a corner but Mansoor grabs ropes. Sheamus lets Mansoor down to grab him by his jaw! Mansoor breaks free and shoves Sheamus, so Sheamus SLAPS him! Sheamus talks trash but Mansoor ROCKS him! Mansoor then rolls Sheamus up, ONE!! Sheamus gets up but Mansoor dropkicks him! Mansoor runs to dropkick Sheamus down! Oklahoma Roll, TWO!

Mansoor hurries to get an arm and wrenches to a wristlock. Sheamus powers up to KNEE low! Sheamus gets Mansoor up, puts him on the top rope, and then lets off to CLOBBER him to the outside! The ref starts a ring count while Mansoor is down and out. Mansoor gets up at 5 of 10, in at 6! Sheamus KICKS Mansoor while he’s down then stomp him at the ropes. Sheamus gets Mansoor up for the Dublin Smile! Sheamus then JAMS Mansoor down, drags him back up, and puts him through ropes for Beats of the Bodhrain! The ref counts, but Sheamus gets all 10 before 4, to then CLOBBER Mansoor again!

Sheamus goes out to get Mansoor up, trophy lift him, and TOSS him onto the barriers! Mansoor flops down, Sheamus leaves him behind! The ring count starts up again, Mansoor flounders up at 3. He drags himself to ringside at 5, grits his teeth and glares at 7, and gets in at 9! Sheamus is shocked! Sheamus gets Mansoor up, Mansoor elbows him again and again and again! Mansoor runs, but Sheamus reel shim in! Mansoor lands out of the back suplex, and dropkicks a leg out! Sheamus hits buckles, Mansoor ENZIGURIS him down! Mansoor keeps going, TORNADO DDT! Cover, TWO!! Mansoor keeps on Sheamus with a clubbing forearm, then he goes up top!

But Sheamus trips Mansoor up! Sheamus fireman’s carries, for the WHITE NOISE! Sheamus isn’t done, he puts Mansoor in a corner and goes to the other side. But wait, Carrillo attacks!!

Winner: Sheamus, by disqualification

Carrillo WRECKS Sheamus then DIVES! Direct hit and Sheamus hits the desk! Carrillo does not let up, his fury fires off forearms! Sheamus SHOVES Carrillo into the desk, but Carrillo comes back, only to get a BROGUE! BROGUE for Mansoor, too! The Fella won in the end, but he isn’t happy about it! Sheamus holds his US Championship up, but when will he finally give someone a chance at it?

 

Raw returns to Alexa’s Playground.

Lily is “whispering” something to Alexa and she laughs. They’ve had so much fun tonight. Lily’s a big fan, so seeing her favorites up close was a nightmare come true. Did we enjoy their game? Because they love to play hide ‘n’ seek. But Alexa finds Lily in “peculiar positions.” Lily’s gotten her hands dirty a few times, and her favorite color is red. But wherever Lily goes, trouble follows. What was that, Lily? Really? Lily just told Alexa that a certain someone caught her eyes. Can’t say who, though> That’s their dirty little secret. But like Alexa said before: don’t blame her for what happens next.

Alexa sings, “Lily~, Lily~, what did you make me do~? The world~ goes~ crazy~, just at the sight of you. We have so much fun together, and we’ll be friends forever! But what’s that scream? Is this a dream? Lily, what did you make me do…?” Alexa smiles, but what horrors does she and “Lily” have in store?

 

WWE Women’s Tag Team Championships: Nia Jax & Shayna Baszler w/ Reginald VS Naomi & Lana!

The Irresistible Force and Queen of Spades have been struggling to keep things together, but so far still have these titles together! Will they pull through or fall apart against the Ravishing Glow?

Raw returns as the champions make their entrance. The introductions are made, the belts are raised, and it’s one more go around for the gold!

Nia and Naomi rush in, Naomi fires forearms but Nia shoves to then pop-up FLAPJACK! Tag to Shayna, Naomi avoids the leg drop but Shayna grabs a leg! Shayna drags Naomi up but Naomi enziguris! Hot tag to Lana, she climbs up and leaps for a CROSSBODY! Cover, TOW! Lana hurries to get Shayna up but Shayna shoves her away. Lana tilt-o-whirls into a Ravishing Russian Leg Sweep! Cover, TWO! Shayna staggers up, Lana runs in to HEEL KICK! Lana keeps moving, Naomi tags as Lana KNEES Shayna against ropes! Naomi runs in, wheelbarrow to a STUNNER! ROUNDHOUSE to victory roll, TWO!!

Shayna is up, Nia is on the apron, Naomi dropkicks Nia before bringing Shayna over. Tag to Lana but Shayna rams Naomi into buckles! Shayna elbows Lana away but the Ravishing Glow hit the DOUBL EFACEBUSTER! But Nia drags Naomi out to throw her! Lana WRECKS Nia with a dropkick and hurries to cover Shayna, but Reggie distracts the ref!! The ref is late to the count, TWO!! Shayna survives because the sommelier interfered! KIRAFUDA KLUTCH! Lana rolls back and escapes! Lana wheelbarrows, but back into the KIRAFUDA!! Lana taps, the champs win!

Winners: Nia Jax & Shayna Baszler, by submission (still WWE Women’s Tag Team Champions)

Reggie’s presence pays off this time, and the titles stay with the champions! But will there ever come a time when this relationship sours?

 

MVP talks backstage.

“Braun Strowman is one of the strongest individuals I have ever seen in my life! But he is NOT the All Mighty WWE Champion, Bobby Lashley.” This is going to be a match between two bulls that will try and rip fresh from bone! A bone will break, and so will Strowman’s will. In this herd, there can only be one dominant bull, and that is Lashley! MVP and the All Mighty head to the ring, will Lashley back up MVP’s words?

Bobby Lashley w/ MVP VS Braun Strowman!

Speaking of breaking, there was a time when these two titans had a showdown that literally broke the stage! Will the Rocky Mountain Machine and Monster Among Men make that night look like a pillow fight with what could happen in the ThunderDome?

Raw returns as BRAAAUN~ makes his entrance! The ref makes sure they keep their cool staring down, and the bell rings. The two circle, tie up, and Strowman powers Lashley towards a corner. Lashley turns it around, but Braun powers him back the other way. They end up in a different corner, Lashley has Braun and he RAMS his shoulder in! Braun swings but into a waistlock. Braun backs Lashley into the buckles to fire off elbows, but Lashley gives them back! Lashley ROCKS Braun, runs, but Braun bounces him off! Lashley is shocked, Braun looks mad! Braun swings, but into a NECKBREAKER! Cover, ONE!!

Lashley gets up, MVP tells him to stay on Braun, and Lashley runs, into a STIFF ARM! Braun drags Lashley up to scoop him, but Lashley slips out! Braun clotheslines Lashley out of the ring! Lashley gets up and walks around the way with MVP. Braun keeps his eyes on them, Lashley gets on the apron and Braun BLASTS him off! Braun goes out, puts Lashley back in, and then storms up into the ring. Braun runs to the corner to SPLASH, then runs corner to corner, only to get a BOOT! Lashley runs, and CLOBBERS Braun! Cover, TWO! Lashley keeps on Braun with a chinbar then top wristlock. Braun fights up, Lashley keeps him down with a chinlock, but Braun throws body shots!

Braun gets up, gets Lashley in a chinbar, but here comes McIntyre! Braun still CLUBS Lashley down, but the Scottish Warrior is here to watch things up close and personal. Braun dares McIntyre to do something as he goes out to meet him at the ramp. Lashley LEAPS and knocks Braun down! Now Lashley stares McIntyre down, and holds out a fist? McIntyre isn’t taking sides, and Raw goes to break.

Raw returns once more, and Lashley has Braun in a chinlock. McIntyre joins commentary to say that this is the first time he’s here to see this himself. He’s just getting the ultimate fan experience really. Braun powers up, powers out, and runs. Lashley hurdles but Braun catches him to a choke grip! MVP distracts and Lashley hits the COMPLETE SHOT! Cover, TWO! Lashley is shocked by that, but he drags Braun up to throw hands! Lashley stomps Braun into the corner, digs his boots in, and lets off as the ref counts. Lashley gets Braun onto the ropes to throw clubbing crossface forearms! MVP says to pay attention to the count, then Lashley POSTS Braun!

Lashley digs forearms into Braun’s face, lets off at the ref’s count, and goes back to dig his forearms in again. Lashley lets off, he gets Braun up to snap suplex him! Cover, TWO! Lashley CLUBS Braun down, hammers away, and claws at Braun’s face! The ref reprimands, Lashley pulls on the jaw, then lets off to loom over Braun. Lashley throws hands, McIntyre tells MVP to worry about Lashley, not him. Lashley backs off to run corner to corner and RAM into Braun again! Lashley gets Braun back up, digs his forearms into Braun’s face, but lets off again at the ref’s count. Lashley gets Braun back up, throws down more hands, then goes side to side to ROCK Braun with a right!

Braun is in a daze as he’s against buckles, but Lashley drags Braun back up. Lashley climbs up, rains down more hands, then gloats. Braun Electric Chair lifts Lashley for a SLAM!! Cover, TWO!! McIntyre likes what he sees as Lashley and Braun are both down. Lashley goes to a corner, Braun goes to the other. Braun runs corner to corner to SPLASH, then he suplex TOSSES Lashley! McIntyre tells MVP that Lashley might not make it to Backlash. Braun BOOTS Lashley down, then drags him back up. Braun scoops, Lashley slips out and wants the nelson! Braun fights it off and throws big elbows! Braun scoops for a SIDEWALK SLAM!

Both men are down again but Braun is getting up. Lashley bails out and MVP coaches him up, but Braun gets on the tracks! Here comes the Strowman Express! But Lashley sends it into McIntyre!! McIntyre is pissed, he and Braun shove, but the ref counts. Braun gets in the ring at 8, McIntyre is on the apron! Braun turns around into a SPEAR!! Cover, Lashley wins!!

Winner: Bobby Lashley, by pinfall

But now McIntyre gives Lashley a CLAYMORE! This could be just like Backlash as McIntyre aims at Braun! The count down starts, CLAYMORE!! And breaking news from the back, now McIntyre will face Lashley next week! Will the Scottish Warrior get the last laugh before Backlash?


My Thoughts:

When WWE advertised that there’d be the men’s tag titles, the women’s tag titles, and then Lashley VS someone, I thought this was going to be a big time Raw. It was not. The WWE Women’s Tag Team Championship match was treated like filler trash. Naomi & Lana losing because of Reggie interfering is fine but now in that quick of a fashion. But I get it, Nia & Shayna are defending these titles against Tamina & Natty for a SmackDown related feud, and I of course hope this means Tamina & Natty win, but they really need to treat things evenly between the two sides of the RawDown Women’s Tag Division. No wonder NXT had to get their own women’s tag titles…

The Raw Tag Team title scene, on the other hand, is getting pretty good again. I do like that the New Day’s promo was criticizing the time off Styles & Omos had, because in kayfabe, it was without reason. The rematch was good, but not quite where WrestleMania’s match was. It was pretty clear Styles & Omos weren’t going to lose so soon, but it was also a bit of an obligation. I did like that Raw is working to intertwine the tag team stories, with Elias & Ryker failing to get revenge and instead getting a match with Orton & Riddle. RKBRO is continuing to be a fun combination in their promos and their matches, even with it just being a couple weeks, but I’m sure they’ll get even better.

LHP VS Alexander & Benjamin was rather out of nowhere, but it turned out to be pretty good. Even more surprising, Alexander and Benjamin broke up. Both guys had great passion in their promos, and a feud of these two is actually a long time coming really. Gulak VS Garza was a little less out of nowhere but started over trash talk over Garza not getting the ladies. A little early 2000’s but whatever. Sadly, this is the state of two very talented former Cruiserweight Champions. Shows you how Triple H and his team sees Cruiserweights compared to how Vince’s team does. Mansoor is here now, though, so that’s cool for him. Carrillo still going after Sheamus, too, so I guess Sheamus is going to maul them both with the US Championship on the line.

Morrison VS Priest was a great match, but there’s something even more interesting going on with how Miz kept cutting Morrison off in the promo. There is a break-up coming in the Greatest Tag Team of the 21st Century, which has also been a long time coming, and I feel like Morrison will come out the Face regardless because Miz was the one disrespecting him and then messing him up in that match. Morrison deserves to be in the US Championship scene and Miz putting him over to get there would actually be a great element to their real-life friendship. But also, where is Keith Lee? Still wondering what’s going on there.

I have mixed feelings about Eva Marie making such a sudden return. She didn’t have the best run the first time, but you have to appreciate she wants to make up for that. Maybe it’s good timing that fans aren’t live in the audience or they might give her grief over her original run. There is good story mixing as Charlotte gets her spot in a Triple Threat thanks to Sonya and how that feeds into this Sonya VS Pearce story. Rhea and Asuka have logical reactions, and Asuka stands tall so she can stay strong in this story, but I feel like that means she’s losing the match. Alexa’s promo was just rife with clues about her first feud on her own, and I think the keyword is how Lily likes red. I don’t want to think it’s Eva, despite her former All Red Everything gimmick, so maybe it’s just about the title and whoever holds it after Backlash.

The world title story was a bit of a mess tonight. Did we really need all these extra backstage interviews and promos? I feel like if Raw can’t give us everyone’s major thoughts in one go, there’s something wrong with the creative staff here. I will say MVP gave a great promo each time because he’s that good, but Raw really needed to figure out how to fill time without being redundant. Lashley VS Braun was a great match, even with how it finished, but McIntyre standing tall here makes me think he’ll lose at Backlash, similar math to Asuka in her Triple Threat. McIntyre VS Lashley next week might end up another case of copy and paste, just proving Raw is spinning its wheels.

My Score: 8/10


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Mitchell’s ROH Death Before Dishonor Results & Report! (7/26/24)

YEEHAW!

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The word of the day is, “Gold!”

ROH brings Death Before Dishonor to Texas, and makes it bigger than ever! SIX championship matches, how drastically will the landscape change?

OFFICIAL RESULTS

  • Zero Hour – MXM Collection VS Spanish Announce Project; wins.
  • Komander VS The Beast Mortos; wins.
  • Texas Deathmatch: Leyla Hirsch VS Diamante; wins.
  • ROH World Six Man Tag Team Championship Qualifier: Dustin Rhodes & The Von Erichs VS The Dark Order; wins and advances to Battle of the Belts 11.
  • ROH World Tag Team Championships: The Kingdom VS Tomohiro Ishii & Kyle O’Reilly; win(s) and
  • ROH World Television Championship Survival of the Fittest: Atlantis Jr. VS Lio Rush VS Shane Taylor VS Johnny TV VS Lee Johnson VS Brian Cage; wins and
  • ROH Pure Championship: Wheeler Yuta VS Lee Moriarty; wins and
  • ROH Women’s World Television Championship: Billie Starkz VS Red Velvet; wins and
  • ROH Women’s World Championship: Athena VS Queen Aminata; wins and
  • ROH World Championship: Mark Briscoe VS Roderick Strong; wins and

PLAY BY PLAY

[Due to scheduling conflicts, coverage will be on delay]


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Andrew’s TNA iMPACT! Results & Match Ratings: 7.25.2024

Slammiversary Fallout! Where do things go on the way to Victory Road?

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Well now we start the fall out of Slammiversary. Josh Alexander in his bad bitch summer, X-Speedball legacy, ABC got the t-a-g and Jordynne is still in charge of the Knockouts division. Like I said at the end of Slammiversary, all of the champions being Babyfaces is stupid. They need to drop a couple titles fairly quickly, because I don’t care what some people say, Nic Nemeth ain’t gonna bring any eyes to the brand. He’s about as hot as day old Hamburger Helper over a camping sterno.

We’ll probably open with the luke warm champion, so tune in like 10 minutes late for anything of substance to be happen.

https://x.com/i/status/1816629254349533588

Ratings:

  • Steve Maclin vs Cody Deaner: Maclin wins via KIA – *
  • AJ Francis w/Rich Swann & Josh Bishop vs Sami Callihan: AJ wins via Down Payment – **
  • Hammer Your ASH (ASH by Elegance & Alexander Hammerstone) vs JuggerYoung (Jordynne Grace & Eric Young): Hammer Your ASH wins via Torture Rack – ** 1/2
  • The System (Eddie Edwards, Brian Myers & JDC) w/Alisha Edwards vs Matt Hardy & The ABC (Ace Austin & Chris Bey): Broken Alphabet wins via Twist & Splash – ***

 

Results:

Nemeth gives the ole “I’ll be a fighting champion…blah blah” promo and drops the “any company” line that we’ve already understood what that means. Campaign Singh cuts him off…and I never thought I’d be happy for Campaign Singh to walk out and say anything…ever. And…Mustafa’s promo is worse than Dolph’s. He’s gone from parody to caricature even saying “it was the biggest screw job Montreal ever saw”. Like some of these lines are cheap heat, but most are just brain dead comments that wouldn’t get a reaction out of anyone (and the crowd was silent for that comment). Mustafa gets caught in an Archer “phrasing” moment about getting screwed hard, but this is painful. Promos written by 14 year olds everyone…

This ends with Ali challenging Nemeth for the World Title. While I’m not against walk up challenges, I watch Japanese wrestling, I don’t really get the point aside from doing it just to do it. 

ABC and Matt Hardy have a small promo, and I’m still not really a fan of Unbroken Matt Version 6.0. The floating between Broken voice and his normal voice sounds amateurish.

OH LOOK, finally a match 20 minutes into the show. And it’s my son Steve Maclin! OH CHRIST he’s facing Deaner. This has been 25 minutes of talking followed by the worst god damn attempt at a gimmick. Deaner’s little “Papa Santino told me I can wipe my ass only if the crowd agrees”. This gimmick should die in a fire.

Steve Maclin vs Cody Deaner

Deaner started off quick because Maclin was in disbelief that Deaner was actually gonna fight him. Maclin dodges a Crossbody, Busaiku Knee, and just starts beating on Deaner for fun. And this is fun, maybe Maclin can make sure Deaner gets stretchered out and written off forever. How do you call for an ambulance in French? Maclin with the old Back Breaker into a stretch. Deaner tries to nerd rage up, breaks the Back Breaker Stretch, his punch combo, into a Manhattan Drop and Bulldog. Deaner hits the Crossbody, but Maclin kicks out. This is entirely too competitive.

Deaner goes for the Deaner DDT, blocked, Olympic Slam into Splashing Deaner into the corner, Caught in the Crosshairs, K-I-A, thanks for coming you damn dweeb. Stay in Canada and don’t travel Deaner, please.

https://x.com/i/status/1816633784537874761

AJ Francis w/Rich Swann & Josh Bishop vs Sami Callihan

As the bell sounds, Sami knocks Rich off the apron, Low Bridges AJ, does the Beats of the Bodhran on AJ and then AJ eats the offense and strategizes with his crew. Bishop and Rich swarm the ring, Sami allows himself to get distracted so AJ slides in and starts beating on Sami. AJ throats Sami across the middle rope and Rich makes his presence felt, AJ distracts the referee and Rich gets in a lot of cheap shots. Bishop throws Sami back in the ring, and AJ keeps up the pressure. Lots of 5 count chokes and leverage moves. After the commercial break ends, Sami dodges a Tennessee Whiskey Knee, gets in a few shots before Rich trips Sami as he’s setting up a Dive, and then AJ takes advantage of the position and hits the goofball knee strike.

AJ calls for his Chokeslam, Sami tries to break it with Axe Handles, then claws the eyes. Sami goes for a Scoop Slam, gets him part way up and then falls over. AJ Chokeslam again, but he bites his hand and starts fighting back. Launches himself at AJ, sends him bouncing off the ropes and uses the momentum to hit that Scoop Slam that was teased earlier. Sami goes for a Western Lariat but eats a Big Boot. AJ does a little Hulk Hogan pose to signal a Leg Drop, but Sami dodges and then connects on a Sliding Lariat. Thumbs Up, Thumbs….interference. Rich distracts the ref, Bishop lays out Sami, AJ connects with the Down Payment.

Hammer Your ASH (ASH by Elegance & Alexander Hammerstone) vs JuggerYoung (Jordynne Grace & Eric Young)

ASH and Jordynne exchange slaps and then Jordynne starts to out muscle ASH. Spinebuster from Jordynne, Juggernaut Driver attempt, but ASH fights off, rope run, Sattelite DDT into both tagging out. EY does the Flair corner flop, slides back in between Hammer’s legs, and connects on a Neckbreaker. EY is the quicker of the two, but Hammer finally gets his hands on him and a Release Belly to Belly into a full mount raining of fists, then a near fall. Hammer smashes EY in a corner, Arm Wringer into an Irish Whip across, but EY moves and Hammer tags out to ASH. ASH levels Jordynne, peppers EY with a few shots and pulls him back to their corner and starts some tandem offense with Hammerman. Hammer Guerilla Presses ASH and throws her into EY for a near fall. Hammer looks to aim for either a Powerbomb or Nightmare Pendulum, but EY drops it into a Small Package, pinfall kick out, they both run, Double Lariat spot. The Knockouts get tagged in.

Jordynne is in control early, World’s Strongest Slam into a Vader Bomb. Juggernaut Driver attempt, but ASH fights it off and tags out to Hammer. Jordynne and EY do some schoolyard stuff with the old Push while Jordynne is down to trip Hammer. All four get in, ASH gets leveled, EY gets leveled, Hammer and Jordynne have a brief face off, but Hammer throws Jordynne to the apron and ASH connects with a Meteora from the apron. Death Valley Driver from Young on Hammer, ASH stares in shock, EY tells her to get, ASH runs away. EY goes up for his Macho Elbow, and ASH causes him to fall to Hammer’s feet, Torture Rack, and EY submits.

Josh Alexander comes out, with new heel music. And it’s not that bad, definitely better than some other people’s new music. Josh yells at the crowd a bit, says he can’t wait til he’s back in a real Canadian town, like his home of Toronto. Then he drops the mic in lieu of an explanation. The crowd chants him off with the “Nah Nah Nah Nah, Hey Hey Hey”. 

https://x.com/i/status/1816647373654724937

The System (Eddie Edwards, Brian Myers & JDC) w/Alisha Edwards vs Matt Hardy & The ABC (Ace Austin & Chris Bey)

JDC and Hardy start, but JDC quickly tags out to Myers and that doesn’t go well. Hardy grabs a hold of Myers, a few Delete chops, drags him to his corner and they all get in a few shots punctuated with Hardy getting tagged back in and an Elbow into Myers’ extended and worked on left arm. Myers stays isolated, back into the corner, Boot to the gut, Ace tags in and wallops Myers. Ace connects on Double Kicks, into Russian Leg Sweep and his half of Click Click Boom, for a 2 count. Myers finally gets free with a Jaw Breaker and tags out to Eddie. But The System gets no momentum, Ace stifles Eddie’s offense and starts a few quick tags with him and Bey for tandem offense. Moose finally comes down the ramp as Eddie kicked out of yet another pinfall attempt because The System has had nothing going for them. Eddie finally gets some offense since Moose was a big enough distraction.

Eddie thinks they have a spot, so he tags back in JDC, but The ABC stop him cold, tag in Matt Hardy, and Matt walks down JDC, but JDC Low Bridges. Matt is on the outside, so all of The System surrounds Hardy, then Joe Hendry’s music hits! That stops the heel beatdown, and we follow Hendry’s entire entrance. So that proves Hendry is bigger than the 8 other people in this frame. Not really sure if that’s optics you want to push along. Ace and JDC try to remind people there’s wrestling going on, but JDC thumbs the eye to get a little something going. Vertical Suplex for a near fall, tag out for Eddie and Eddie lights up Ace with some of those NOAH Chops. Ace retreats to the ropes and Alisha chokes him with the ropes while the ref is distracted.

Myers gets tagged in, Ace tries to use the crowd energy, Myers stops it at first but then Ace slips a Scoop Slam and tags out to Bey. Hot tag, strike rush, Double Stomp, educated feet, Leap Frog to the corner but Lish climbs on the apron and yells at Bey which stops his rhythm. Myers kicks his feet out and causes Bey to crash. Eddie tags in for a few shots, then to JDC and Slingshot Knees, Wringer Snapmare, Bow and Arrow Submission, and JDC is just doing solid wrestling work right now. Uppercut between the Shoulder Blades as Bey tries to get out, tag to Myers and Bey is still eating offense. Eddie tags in, Bey tries the Sunset Flip, but Eddie tags out before going over, so Myers folds up Bey for a near fall and then tags out to JDC who connects on a Standing Suplex, slams Bey’s face into the corner, Eddie tags in, and Bey finally fights up to his feet, Eddie just flatten Bey’s comeback, tries a Tiger Driver but eats an Enzuigiri for a simultaneous tag. JDC and Hardy come in, JDC tries to exit halfway in, but Hardy is wrecking shop. He disposes of Eddie, Myers slides in but eats a tandem Neckbreaker/DDT from Hardy. Face team does the Delete Corner Face Smashes. Poetry in Motion into a Side Effect into Corkscrew Swanton for only 2 since Myers breaks it up! Everyone throwing hands, referee is distracted, Moose comes in to Spear Hardy, but Hardy dodges and throws him into JDC (I get the call back), Hendry then lays out Moose with the big Lariat. Twist of Fate from Hardy, Splash from Bey, Broken Alphabet wins!

 

Overall Score: 4/10

Ugh, cliche promos, too damn much talking, a competitive squash match with an imbecile as our first “match”, into an overbooked and slow heel match, finally a decent tag match (with the right team going over), into another overbooked match with a “tease” for the mystery backup being more obvious than Jericho’s WWF debut.

Aside from the afore mentioned tag match, The Rascalz promo and The System Promo; this was hard to watch. A lot of cornball promos, Rosemary licks her conspiracy board, storylines got zero traction. Whoopity Doo, Ryan Nemeth got a match next week and we get an undead wedding.

While this was a bad episode, it was bad by at least new standards. We’re not back in the TNA Dark Days again, but this was…a useless show.


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