Results
Mitchell’s WWE Raw Results & Report! (1/3/22)
Fallout from the New Year!
New Year, NEW WWE World Heavyweight Champion!
After plans changed for Day 1, BRRROCK! LESNARRR! Joined the WWE World Championship and won it! Will Raw become Suplex City once again?
OFFICIAL RESULTS
- RKBRO VS The Alpha Academy; The Alpha Academy wins.
- WWE 24/7 Championship Mixed Tag: Dana Brooke & Reggie VS Tamina & Akira Tozawa; Dana & Reggie win, Dana retains the title.
- WWE Women’s Tag Team Championships: Zelina Vega & Carmella VS Rhea Ripley & Nikki A.S.H; Vega & Carmella win and retain the titles.
- The Street Profits VS Apollo Crews & Commander Azeez; The Street Profits win.
- WWE United States Championship, No Champion’s Advantage: Damian Priest VS Dolph Ziggler; Priest wins and retains the title.
- AJ Styles VS Omos; Omos wins.
- WWE World Championship #1 Contender’s Fatal 4 Way: Big E VS Seth Rollins VS Kevin Owens VS Bobby Lashley w/ MVP; Lashley wins and will challenge Brock Lesnar for the title at the Royal Rumble.
PLAY BY PLAY
Raw opens with PAUL HEYMAN in the ring!
The Special Counsel is here to introduce himself to Atlanta as an Advocate, and he’d like to introduce us to his client. “And NEW Reigning! Defending! Undisputed! WWE Heavyweight Champion of the Worrrrld…! BRRROCK! LESNARRR!!” Fans are going nuts as Lesnar makes his way out, Heyman back in his corner! Lesnar takes a victory lap around the ring, then TOSSES the steel steps into the ring! Lesnar stands those up, then stands on those steps like a podium! Heyman hands the mic over to Lesnar and Lesnar says, “Before we get this party started tonight, I’d like to give a big shoutout to my good buddy, Roman Reigns.”
Roman is more than likely at home, watching Raw, and watching the NEW WWE Heavyweight Champion, the REAL champion, BRRROCK! LESNARRR! “Get well soon, buddy.” But that said, “South Carolina! Acknowledge me.” Lesnar grins as he uses Roman’s catchphrase, and he also wants to acknowledge his Advocate, for advocating free agency, advocating all those strings he pulled to make Lesnar the new WWE Champion. Lesnar thanks Heyman and Heyman is given the mic back. Heyman says, “If you think it’s interesting out here, you should see the things that go on behind the scenes.”
Heyman negotiated Lesnar’s free agency, and then on Day 1, when Lesnar showed up, looking to win a title from a champion, and one champion couldn’t make it while the other was in a Fatal 4 Way, what’s better than that but a Fatal FIVE Way with Brock Lesnar? So all the machinations and strings were pulled, Lesnar enters the Fatal 5 Way, and now what does he do as YOUR WWE Heavyweight Champion? Well reigning, and defending, at the Royal Rumble of the originally scheduled Fatal 4 in tonight’s main event. Let’s rundown the challengers! First, Seth Rollins and Kevin Owens, you lump them together because they’re a team now!
And in a match where it’s every man for himself, they figured out how to be jackals, hyenas, and go after the lions. Then winning together, they leave management to figure it out and who cares about them, right? But it’s a pretty smart thing for someone as dumb as Seth Rollins. Rollins likes to say he’s a Visionary but he’s too stupid to see he isn’t. If he had a vision for the future, he’d see that his wife is going to leave him when he fails to beat Brock Lesnar for the title! And he can’t, so who she gonna leave him for? Sure won’t be Kevin Owens! Kevin can’t beat Lesnar, either!
Maybe they should be traded to SmackDown as there’s a certain Tribal Chief who is vulnerable without his Special Counsel…! In fact, Heyman can prove it. One week without Heyman, Roman gets COVID. You can get past ‘Rona, but Karma is a bitch. Speaking of, let’s talk about MVP. No, wait, let’s not, since no one talks about MVP anyway. Let’s instead talk about Bobby Lashley. Lashley is a worthy challenger! Lesnar and Lashley hadn’t met at all before, that’s just a fact. No bumping into each other in the back, no shaking hands, it’s like they were avoiding each other. That’s not the case, cuz neither avoids anyone or anything.
But the first time they did met, Lashley speared Lesnar through a wall. Then Lesnar hit F5’s on everyone but Lashley who speared and damn near pinned Lesnar. The third time in that match, Lashley put Lesnar in the Hurt Lock and Heyman said this to Lesnar’s face, Lesnar didn’t look like he’d get out. That’s a testament to how damn good Lashley is. Except, Lashley was hitting Lesnar from a blindside. So if Lashley wins tonight and he faces Lesnar at the Rumble, he’ll have to face Lesnar face to face, and that is a whole different story. The story between jackin’ someone from behind, and just going down in history as the All Mighty Lesnar Wannabe!
There’s one more man in that match, the odds on favorite, the former champion in Big E. Heyman has nothing bad to say about Big E, that is a great champion. Big E did WWE justice and a credit to this company, the fans and the lineage of the title. Big E is that and more and would still be champion if he didn’t have to step into the ring with Lesnar. They have nothing but respect and admiration for Big E. If Big E wins and gets his rematch, then sir, it will be an absolute honor to witness that match. Big E will lose, which is no shame, but it’ll still be a honor to watch Big E lose to the greatest champion of all time, the winner of the Fatal 5 and the REIGNING, DEFENDING, UNDISPUTED WWE Heavyweight Champion of the WORLD! BRRROCK! LESNARRR!
Heyman and Lesnar head out and prepare to watch the main event. Who of the four will fight their way to become the one at the Rumble?
Randy Orton and Matt Riddle meet up backstage.
The Bro seems to still be in the Migos mindset as he rolls up on his scooter. Will the Stallion & Viper keep their momentum going as they take on “Master” Gable and The Dozer 2v2?
Raw returns sand Riddle rolls back in. Where has he been? And no, no, no on all that he’s got on. What? Wasn’t it awesome hanging out with Migos? They’ve got sweet connections, and Riddle can’t get their music out of his head. They could be their own rap group! The Notorious R I Double D to the L E, and Lil’ Ran-Dog. Word on the street is that “Swim Shady,” Riddle’s pet fish, is available. Orton sighs and has Riddle take off the shades and chains. Is he gonna try them on? No, he’s not putting this crap on. How does Riddle have all these celebrity connections? No, it doesn’t matter. What happened to the resolutions they made for this year?
Well, they talked about going to the Grand Canyon, grocery shopping for some things, and getting on Farmville. Oh yeah, and “Listen to Randy more.” Exactly! Last week, they were on the same page and look what happened? Riddle beat Gable and Orton beat that walking tree trunk, Otis. They also won at Day 1 to retain the tag titles. How did they do that? How? Because they are… What? Our name is… Who? Our name is… CHIKA CHIKA RKBRO! That was awesome, Randy! They are totally rappers now. Orton has Riddle focus, and they head to the ring.
RKBRO VS The Alpha Academy!
Riddle & Randy swept Gable & Otis when it was 1v1 twice in a row, but will they still be top of the class now that it’s a full tag team match? Or will Gable and #4pointOtis ruin the New Year for the old champions?
As the Academy make their entrance, Gable gloats about his Master’s Degree and how he’s handing out free lessons. Plus, look at his number one guy! Look at his face! The first resolution is for RKBRO. They’re gonna learn “acceptance.” They are going to accept that their title reign is coming to an end at the hands of the Alpha Academy. And it’ll be curtesy of the four most dangerous letters: O T I S. The Academy attacks and it’s a brawl! Gable is after Orton, Otis TOSSES Riddle out of the ring! Otis hits Orton with the WRECKING ELBOW! The Academy then goes out after RKBRO, Otis brings Riddle around to hit an EXPLODER!
The ref shouts at Gable and Otis while they gloat “FOR THE ACADEMY!” and Raw goes to break.
Raw returns and Riddle is firing off forearm son Gable! Riddle hits Otis, too! But then Gable DECKS Riddle, and hits a TIGER SUPLEX! Bridging cover, TWO! Gable gets a leg for a KNEE JAMMER, then another one! And then a YANK on the leg, before a third KNEE JAMMER! Gable has the toehold but Riddle endures. Riddle drags himself back, kicks away at Gable with his free leg and gets free. Gable tags Otis then gets Riddle’s arm. Gable reels Riddle in, flapjack to Otis’ trophy lift and SLAM! Otis covers, TWO! Otis puts Riddle in the corner, tags Gable, then they mug Riddle, and whip for a BIG back elbow! Gable rains down fists, then stands Riddle back up.
Tag to Otis, Gable scoops and SLAMS Riddle, Otis runs for a BIG elbow drop! Fans rally up for “Randy! Randy!” but Otis sits Riddle up for a neck wrench. Riddle fights up, Otis whips him to a corner. Riddle hits Gable down, then goes up and over Otis and Otis POSTS himself! Riddle crawls, Otis reels him in to back suplex, but Riddle lands on his feet! ROUNDHOUSE staggers Otis to ropes! But Gable sneaks up to the RKBRO corner and trips Orton off the apron! Orton goes after Gable but Otis SPLASHES Riddle! Otis then goes out to CLOBBER Orton! Gable tells Otis to hurry, and Otis gets in, to get a FINAL FLASH! Riddle hears voices, but NO RKO!
Otis turns Riddle around, POWERSLAM! Cover, The Alpha Academy wins!
Winners: The Alpha Academy, by pinfall
Whether or not RKBRO was on the same page, the Alpha Academy had all the answers to the test! Will Gable & Otis look to graduate from being A+ contenders to NEW Raw Tag Team Champions?
Backstage interview with Bobby Lashley & MVP.
If Lashley wins tonight- MVP stops there and says not to get ahead of ourselves. If we’re talking about the future, the inevitable future, the All Mighty has to overcome insurmountable odds. He has to beat Seth Rollins, Kevin Owens and Big E. This is a Herculean task! Having finished being a bit sarcastic here, MVP walks off stage. Sarah asks Lashley his thoughts. “Brock Lesnar fears me!” Will the Rocky Mountain Machine repeat what he did to get into the Fatal 4 Way, just all at once?
Backstage interview with Omos.
How does he react to AJ Styles saying he regrets taking Omos under his wing, and calling Omos a piece of- Omos puts his massive hand over Kevin Patrick’s face. “That’s how I react.” Will Omos do the same to Styles when they finally face off later tonight?
WWE 24/7 Championship Mixed Tag: Dana Brooke & Reggie VS Tamina & Akira Tozawa!
Since R-Truth didn’t work, it seems the Daughter of Superfly is using the Stamina Monster as her tag partner this time. Will they be the combination that stops the Flex Appear and slick sommelier in their tracks?
The introductions are made, the belt is raised, and how does a tag match for a singles title work out? We’re going to find out tonight, after the break!
Raw returns and the teams sort out. Tozawa wants to face Dana but this is still Mixed tag, men face men. Reggie and Tozawa circle, approach, and Tozawa dodges to mule kick! Reggie ducks the spin kick but Tozawa slips under to sunset flip! TWO, Tozawa kicks low again then ROCKS Reggie with a jab! Tozawa grins as he suplexes, but Reggie slips out to dropkick Tozawa away! Reggie tells Dana he’s got this but then Tozawa hits low! Tozawa whips Reggie in, runs but Reggie dodges and Tozawa BOOTS Tamina! Tamina doesn’t go down and Tozawa’s frozen in fear! Tamina scowls, roars, and SLAPS Tozawa down!
Reggie is in the corner, runs and 450 SEATED SENTONS! Cover, Reggie & Dana win!
Winners: Reggie & Dana Brooke, by pinfall (Dana is still WWE 24/7 Champion)
Well, Reggie did all the work, but he’s fine with Dana still holding the gold. Tamina is down another sidekick, will she just have to do this alone?
Becky Lynch is here!
The Raw Women’s Champion is still Big Time! The Man is here to ring in the New Year, but what is next for her? We’ll see, after the break.
Raw returns and Becky is given a proper introduction. “Here we are, huh? 2022. There’s something about the new year that inspires so much hope in people. It doesn’t matter if you failed the whole of last year, or you failed the whole last five years. Hell, it doesn’t matter if you failed your whole life. When that clock strikes midnight, everything can change for the better. New Year, New You, huh? Yeah, now I know for a fact that all those women in the back, they have at the top of their New Year’s Resolutions, ‘Become Raw Women’s Champion.’ And I admire their ambition, I really do. But at the top of mine is, ‘Remain Raw Women’s Champion.'”
And now, if we have learned anything from the last few years, it is that Becky is the consistent homeostasis that is unyielding to the roster’s brittle willpower. Sorry, she means, they can’t beat her. Many have tried, many have failed, no one can beat Becky. But Becky would be remiss if she says she hasn’t taken the time to think back this past year. Were her decisions right? Wrong? 365 days, 365 blank canvases, what has Becky become? A work of art! Now stay with her if you can. Say you go to a museum and you see a famous Van Gogh and you look at it in awe. You may not understand all the details, the nuances, the complexities, but it makes you feel something.
Becky says she makes us feel something! That is what good art does! She makes you feel! And the other thing about fine art is that it reveals the truth. So Becky standing here as the Vincent Van Goat is going to show us that no, you’re not going to lose those last 10 pounds. No, you’re not going to get that job promotion you were looking for. And no, you’re not finally gonna get the hell outta South Carolina! And all those girls back there, they are not going to win the Raw Women’s Championship. If you don’t believe her, just look at Liv Morgan! She swore to all the fans that she was going to win the title, and on the very first day of this new year, she broke that promise.
But here comes Liv! Liv says, “Wow~! New Year, New Ugly Jacket, and same delusional Becks.” Hey, Becky likes this jacket. Uh, well she’s the only one. But Liv was hearing all this about her coming up short, so here’s something she should know: There is no one harder on Liv than herself. But Liv was just thinking… Liv knows, and Liv knows Becky knows, just how close Liv was to winning. Becky got one thing wrong, too. The only thing Liv ever promised from the moment she was old enough to dream of being in this ring is that she would give it her all and leave it all in the ring every chance she got! And that’s what she did at Day 1.
Becky says that’s lovely and all. Liv maybe will be champion one day, after Becky retires. She’s holding onto the title. This is what happens when you’re Big Time, and there’s only one Big Time, and it sure ain’t Liv. But speaking of big, here comes the EST, Bianca Belair! “Oh, just like you ain’t the EST of WWE.” And y’know what? Bianca is tired of hearing Becky talking like she’s untouchable. Liv ain’t buying it, and neither is Bianca. And Bianca doesn’t trust Becky as far as she can throw her. Oh wait, that doesn’t make sense, because Bianca could throw Becky pretty damn far.
Now, Bianca may have taken a Doudrop Detour, but she graciously stepped aside to allow others time to catch up. But now, Bianca the EST is right back in line for Big Time Becks! No no no no. Becky says these two are victims of her routine: Beat, Sleep, Repeat. But hey, maybe these two can get together and do a support group where they talk about how they almost beat Becky but came up short. Wait, that already exists. It’s the Raw Women’s locker room! Li says, “Oh haha.” What does Becky know about being in the locker room? She hasn’t spent time in there in years! And as for Bianca, but Liv says they’re in the middle of something,
Oh, y’know, Liv, no offense taken, but at the end of the day, Bianca and Becky have beef that goes back way before Liv’s. Becky says this is rather interesting. These two need to figure this out 1v1, and Becky’s shared spotlight enough for tonight. These two can get out and let Becky know later on. Becky ushers Liv and Bianca out, but she instead gets double kicks and double whipped right out of the ring! Then Liv and Bianca stare down. They each say they’re getting the belt, and then they start throwing hands! Bianca RAMS Liv into a corner, then RAMS into her more and more! Liv shoves back, boots Bianca away, then ENZIGURIS!
Liv is roaring and she drags Bianca up! But Bianca ROCKS Liv, torture racks, but Becky CLOBBERS them both! Becky reels Bianca in for the MAN HANDLE SLAM! Becky picks up her belt, but that bull’s eye is only getting bigger! Will the EST or the Liv-ing Embodiment hit the mark?
Kevin Owens finds Seth Rollins backstage.
“There he is! Seth FREAKIN’ Rollins!” Does Rollins like that Kevin said it nice and loud for him? Rollins chuckles and says he’s glad to see Kevin. Maybe Kevin can help Rollins with a problem he’s having. He wants to know what to do about Paul Heyman. Does Rollins staple Heyman’s lips shut? Or just rip his tongue out? Rollins thought about castration, but it’s not like Heyman uses that all that much, anyway. Kevin likes the staples thing. They can worry about that later, after they figure out what they’ll do tonight. Rollins is listening. Well they have the same problem they had before Day 1.
This is the original Fatal 4 Way, with Big E and Lashley in their way. Obstacles, if you will, to the WWE Championship, if you will. Or rather, obstacles to the opportunity at the title. So Kevin thinks they stick to the plan, them together taking care of those two, then one of them wins, doesn’t matter who, and that person faces Lesnar at the Rumble. Then that guy who didn’t win helps the one who did so that they defeat Lesnar, and then they both go to WrestleMania, Kevin VS Rollins, for the title. How does that sound? Sounds huge, right? It’s a great plan. Rollins does love that plan. Yes, thank you! Rollins and Kevin can trust each other, sounds like a plan!
Rollins heads off laughing all the way, but Kevin hopes Rollins isn’t lying. But the question is, will Kevin stick to that plan on his end?
WWE Women’s Tag Team Championships: Zelina Vega & Carmella VS Rhea Ripley & Nikki A.S.H!
The Queen of the Ring and the (self-proclaimed) Most Beautiful Woman in All the WWE have confidence just looking in the mirror every day. Meanwhile, the Nightmare has been trying to get the Almost Super Hero to fire back up and bring that super positivity back! Will Rhea & Nikki pull it together and pull off a win to start their 2022? Or will Zelina & Mella reign eternal?
Raw returns, the belts are raised, and things start with Rhea and Vega. Nikki gets the fans rallying behind Rhea already, but Vega gets in Rhea’s face. Vega SLAPS Rhea, but Rhea SLAPS back! Rhea whips, Vega wheelbarrows and spins around, but Rhea powers out to a suplex! Rhea carries Vega around like that, with one arm, then SLAMS Vega down! Cover, TWO! Rhea drags Vega over, wants to tag in but Nikki is hesitant. She still does tag, Rhea snapmares and Nikki neck snaps! Cover, TWO! Nikki whips Vega, Vega reverses but Nikki goes up and over. Things speed up but Nikki trips, but she still hits a LARIAT! Cover, TWO!
Mella calls to Vega now that she has her mask on, and Vega clings to ropes. Nikki pulls at Vega, Vega holds on, then drop toeholds Nikki into ropes! Vega rains down hammering fists, then drags Nikki around into a chinlock. Vega stretches Nikki back, but Nikki endures. Fans rally up, Nikki fights up and throws body shots, and then she arm-drags free! Vega comes back to throw Nikki by her hair! Vega takes a bow, then sucker punches Rhea! Fans boo but Vega waves, only for Nikki to kick low and fireman’s carry! Vega slips off to roll up, Vega & Mella win!!
Winners: Zelina Vega & Carmella, by pinfall (still WWE Women’s Tag Team Champions)
Mella celebrates because she won without lifting a finger! Rhea isn’t even sure what happened there and Nikki apologizes. Will Nikki ever figure out what’s going wrong?
Johnny Knoxville wants in!
He loves being part of Jackass, but he wants to make a run for the Royal Rumble! Thirty men enter, one man left standing! He hopes the WWE is going big, because Knoxville doesn’t want to hurt anyone. He already has a shirt that says “Johnny Knoxville, World Champion,” but will that even come close to coming true?
Rey & Dominik Mysterio speak.
Rey’s been in this business for a very long time. Not only has he taken out 29 other opponents in the Royal Rumble after entering second, he got to watch his son enter his first Rumble just last year. This year, they’re both entering the Rumble to show the world that it may be every man for himself, that the Mysterios are still an unstoppable duo!
The Street Profits are here!
We’re on the road to WrestleMania, which means they’re four weeks away from St. Louis and the Rumble! Montez Ford & Angelo Dawkins are entering the Rumble match! They’ll take care of business, even against each other. Everyone for themselves, fam. The Profits are up and #WeWantTheSmoke! But will they start that in a big tag match to kick off the New Year?
The Street Profits VS Apollo Crews & Commander Azeez!
Raw returns as the Pride of Nigeria and his bodyguard make their entrance. The teams sort out, Ford is ready and he starts against Azeez. They circle, tie up, Azeez whips Ford to a corner. Ford dodges to then CHOP, CHOP and throw body shots. Ford kicks, kicks and CHOPS, but Azeez blocks the whip to put Ford back in a corner. Ford dodges again, runs, dodges, but Azeez runs him over! Azeez snarls, drags Ford up and scoops to SLAM him down. Azeez runs for a FALLING HEADBUTT! Cover, TWO! Dawkins is also there, but Azeez keeps on Ford. Azeez back suplexes, Ford lands on his feet to ENZIGURI!
Azeez staggers but he manages a tag to Apollo, hot tag to Dawkins! Dawkins rallies on Apollo and Azeez, but then Apollo kicks low to whip Dawkins to ropes. Dawkins hurdles, then leaps for a back elbow! Apollo goes to a corner, CYCLONE SPLASH from Dawkins! Underhooks to the SILENCER! Cover, Azeez drags Dawkins off the cover! Azeez whips, Dawkins holds ropes then dumps Azeez out! Azeez drags Dawkins out with him, scoops him, but Dawkins slips off to POST him! Dawkins gets in, into Apollo’s ENZIGURI! Apollo waistlocks, Dawkins bucks the roll-up and Ford tags in! ANOINTING to the FROM THE HEAVENS SPLASH! Cover, the Profits win!
Winners: The Street Profits, by pinfall
And just like that, the Profits are back up! Will they both reach new heights as they enter the Royal Rumble this year?
Backstage interview with Damian Priest.
What are his thoughts on the unique stipulation for tonight’s title match? No Champion’s Advantage is pretty big. We’ve all seen the side of Priest that’s furious, and that’s the side Dolph Ziggler wants. But if Priest can keep his cool, calm collected side going, he’ll win. Well, he’ll beat Ziggler either way, it’s just a matter of beating him with mercy, or if “Damian” erupts in rage. That’s up to Ziggler. If Ziggler does it straight up, it’ll be a fair fight. If not, Ziggler knows what’ll happen. But either way, Priest remains champion. Will the Archer of Infamy keep his focus and his cool to keep the gold around his waist?
Sonya Deville & Adam Pearce are excited.
The first Raw of 2022 and they have the huge Fatal 4 Way main event! Who knew? But then Piper Niven barges in and is very upset. Is this some kinda joke? Bianca and Liv want another chance at a match with Becky? How is this happening? Piper will not be cut in line again! Um, Pearce will speak for management when he respectfully asks, what the hell is she yelling about? Piper asks if grandpa Pearce is deaf! She is tired, the fans are tired, everyone is tired of seeing the same women get title opportunity after opportunity. Bianca, Liv, repeat. Piper demands, DEMANDS, that she be given her first chance!
Okay, breathe, relax. They don’t give out title opportunities. But they are in the business of giving opportunities to those who prove themselves. So how about this: next week in Philadelphia, Triple Threat #1 Contender’s Match, Liv Morgan VS Bianca Belair VS “Doudrop,” winner going on to face Becky for the title at the Royal Rumble. That’s more like it. Piper leaves satisfied, but will she be the one taking the golden ticket to St. Louis?
WWE United States Championship, No Champion’s Advantage: Damian Priest VS Dolph Ziggler!
Raw returns and Ziggler makes his entrance. The introductions are made, the title is raised, and we see if Priest loses control or just the title.
Ziggler and Priest circle, approach, and Ziggler dodges to SLAP Priest! Priest grabs Ziggler, throws him to a corner and fires off haymakers! Priest lets off at 4, but Ziggler insists it was 5. Priest BOOTS Ziggler out of the ring, then goes out to run in. Ziggler dodges the leg lariat, jumps up, but no DDT! Ziggler fights and kicks off the barriers for a TORNADO DDT! Both men are down and the ring count is climbing as Raw goes to break!
Raw returns again and Priest ROCKS Ziggler with a haymaker, then dodges Ziggler’s punch to BELL CLAP! Priest throws more strikes, Ziggler staggers, Priest FLAPJACKS him! Priest roars and fans fire up as he runs corner to corner to back elbow! Priest then reels Ziggler in, but no Broken Arrow! Ziggler slips out to POST Priest, then RUNNING KNEE! Cover, TWO!! Both men are down as Ziggler is beside himself! Ziggler drags Priest up to scrape laces off his face, then does it again. Ziggler pushes Priest around, wanting to bring out the rage. “Give me that title! Give me what’s mine!” Priest ROCKS Ziggler, and then ROCKS him again!
Priest KICKS, KICKS and KICKS, to then ROUNDHOUSE! Ziggler staggers, Priest gets him up for a Canadian Rack, CLIFFHANGER DDT! Cover, TWO! Priest keeps his focus and he goes to a corner. Priest climbs up, fans fire up, but Ziggler leaps up to get him! Priest blocks the superplex, fans fire up more, and Priest slips down to HOTSHOT and ROUNDHOUSE Ziggler down! Priest goes back up, but Ziggler has the ref check on him. Robert Roode appears from outta nowhere to trip Priest up! Priest tumbles down, Ziggler hits a FAMOUSER!! Cover, TWO?! Priest survives and the Dirty Dawgs are furious!
Priest slowly sits up, and now Damian is here! He glares at Roode, but then at Ziggler! Priest CLOBBERS Ziggler, goes out and fires off on Roode! The ring count is climbing but Priest gets a chair! Priest stalks Roode as we’re at 5 of 10, Priest hears 7! Priest gets in the ring but he brought the chair! Ziggler dares Priest to hit him with it! Priest has wild eyes, but then he sees Roode shouting on the apron, “HIT HIM!” Priest SMACKS Roode! But ZIGZAG!! Cover, TWO!! Priest survives and Damian is still fuming! Priest drags himself up the ropes, Ziggler runs in, but no Superkick! THE RECKONING!! Cover, Priest wins!
Winner: Damian Priest, by pinfall (still WWE United States Champion)
The rage subsides, and Priest survives the Dirty Dawgs’ dastardly plan! Will Priest be able to continue riding the line of rage and reason as he reigns?
Austin Theory visits Vince McMahon.
Vince says he only said, “Who is it?” Not, “Come in.” Theory apologizes. But Vince doesn’t like that, either. Apologizing is a sign of weakness. Vince never apologizes. “Sor- I didn’t mean to interrupt.” No, no, when people say stuff like that, of course they meant to interrupt. Why else would they do that? Well, Theory is just here to ask about a rematch with Finn Balor. Rematch? Theory lost to him. But then he made up for it and then some with that attack from behind in the hallway. Theory beat the hell outta Finn and we haven’t seen him since. That’s rather admirable. Vince says if you can’t beat someone one way, you find another way to do it.
Right, “expect the unexpected.” Just like Vince taught him. And that is what happened to Finn. Alright, let’s have a seat. Vince has a surprise for Theory. Sit back a bit. Vince says that at the Royal Rumble, Theory will be in the Rumble match! And of course, if he wins, he’ll go to the main event of WrestleMania against the champion of his choice! Theory is speechless! Will Theory make Vince proud by winning his golden ticket to the Grandest Stage of Them All?
The Miz & Maryse are here!
The It Couple are back again, even after what happened at Day 1. What will they have to see about that Rated R surprise? We find out, after the break.
Raw returns and The Miz has a mic. “I stand before you- No, we stand before you, outraged over the outcome that happened at Day 1.” Miz had Edge right where he wanted him, one Skull Crushing Finale away form defeating Edge and having the respect he deserves. Miz is amazed he has to remind us that he is the one and only TWO-TIME WWE Grand Slam Champion! That makes him an all time great and someone who has surpassed his peers and predecessors. Yet he still has to prove himself against Edge, “a one-time Grand Slam Champion.” One, uno, or in French, Err! No, ar. Ar. Oui.
But the one-time Grand Slam Champion’s resilience, and some questionable calls by the ref, kept Edge alive until that last kick out. That is when Miz saw the look of defeat in Edge’s eyes! The look of despair, the look of a young boy asking for his mommy. Or in Edge’s case, his wife. Because his wife, WWE Hall of Famer, Beth Phoenix, showed up. She interfered in the match and allowed Edge to cheat fate and steal a pathetic victory! “Edge deserved to lose! You know it and I know it!” They all know this because of what Edge did to Miz & Maryse last week! If you don’t remember, here’s the replay. It was a BROOD BATH to end the vow renewal ceremony!
Oh, fans find that funny? “YES!” They liked that? “YES!” They enjoyed that? Well that’s because your lives and relationships are so miserable, you like seeing bad things happen to good people! But your disgusting auras do not affect them, for true love always wins. Miz & Maryse kiss, and Miz says that after that night, Miz vowed to end Edge’s career. But when Miz got in that ring at Day 1, it wasn’t old Edge, Brood Edge, Rated R Edge, or even WWE Hall of Famer that Miz respected and wanted respect from. It was an Edge that hides behind his wife! What kind of man does that? Fans say, “YOU!” No, not Miz!
Edge doesn’t deserve anyone’s respect! What kind of man relies on his wife to fight his own battles? “YOU!” Who would do that? “YOU!” No, not The Miz! He is strong, brave and handsome. And that’s why Maryse married Miz. She loves him so much. They kiss again and Maryse says that Beth stole their moment. If Beth was here, Maryse would punch her right in the face! Well here comes the Glamazon! Beth Phoenix stands on stage, and here comes Edge! The Rated R Superstar and Glamazon go to the ring with mics of their own to respond to the It Couple. “You were saying, Maryse?” Beth offers up a cheek, but Edge figured they wouldn’t do anything.
Most people would just take the L and move in, Miz. Fortunately, or perhaps unfortunately, Edge knows Miz better than that. He knew Miz would bitch, moan, whine and complain as to why Edge won. It could’ve been the Browns lost last week, but what else is new? It could’ve been Miz didn’t get his socks starched. It could’ve been Miz dropped a deuce in his drawers the minute he heard Beth’s music. Does Edge really need to illustrate to South Carolina, pause for the pop, exactly what a hypocrite Miz is? Ububububub, you got nothing? “For once, Miz is at a loss for words! Did not know that was possible.”
And by the way, Edge never asks Beth to fight his battles. Everything that went down at Day 1, to be clear, was all Beth’s idea. And Edge’s idea now is this: if Miz wants to rectify what happened, even though he picked this fight with Edge and even though that result would’ve happened even without Beth, Edge is just crazy enough to give Miz what he wants. Actually, they’re crazy enough to give them what they want. Imagine this: a huge marquee, lights and letters! “The Miz & Maryse, the It Couple VS The Rated R Superstar & The Glamazon, the Grit Couple, at the Royal Rumble!” What do they say? Fans say, “YES! YES! YES!”
Miz asks, “Are you serious?” Maryse, the gorgeous, vivacious and intelligent star and executive producer of USA’s hit reality show, Miz & Mrs., the sexiest alchemist, and one of the longest reigning Diva’s Champions and the mother of Miz’s children, teaming together with him to go against Edge and Beth? A simple yes or no will suffice. What’s it gonna be? “We accept!” Maryse seems a bit surprised by that, though. They argue, Beth shows punch and Maryse falls on her butt! Beth and Edge smirk, will they finally put Miz in his place?
Backstage interview with Big E.
The former WWE Champion had the odds stacked against him at Day 1, so how motivated is he to win tonight’s match to get a chance at regaining that title? “Being WWE Champion meant a lot to me. And uh, it meant something to a lot of people, too. Now, there’s no shame in losing to Brock Lesnar. But what we don’t do is get kicked and stay down. What we don’t do is wallow in self pity. Because what we do is we make sure that our next chapter is our best chapter, you feel me?” Big E has the chance to right all the wrongs. Tonight he starts his path back to reclaiming what is his! And he’ll be damned if there’s a soul on earth who can stop him! Will we all feel the power once again after tonight’s Fatal 4 Way?
AJ Styles VS Omos!
The Phenomenal & The Colossal had their falling out, and there’s been enough talk. Will Styles be able to topple the mountain of a man now that he stands all alone? Or will he be left in the long, long shadow cast by his former protégé?
Raw returns as Omos makes his entrance. The bell rings, the two stare down and fans rally up. Omos compares their heights, but Styles KICKS away on the leg! Styles throws hands, Omos throws Styles to a corner! Styles dodges, fires off CHOPS and haymakers, but Omos backs him down! Styles bails out, dares Omos to come out after him, so Omos down, only for Styles to KICK Omos’ leg! Omos steps back in, Styles hurries after him, but Omos BOOTS Styles down! Omos CLUBS Styles in the corner, then chokes Styles before he whips him corner to corner! Styles slides but hits POST! Omos goes out after Styles and drags him up.
Omos TOSSES Styles back into the ring, stalks Styles to a corner, but Styles kicks the leg! Styles throws more forearms and haymakers, then Phenomenal Blitz! Omos stays standing through that, and fireman’s carries Styles! Styles slips off, scrambles to a corner and BOOTS back! Omos stays up so Styles BOOTS him again! Styles forearms from the apron, fans fire up, and Styles springboards, into Omos’ hands! But Styles fights that to HOTSHOT! Springboard again, PHENOMENAL FOR- CHOP!! Omos swats Styles down, and then dares Styles to get up. Styles goes to a corner, Omos hoists Styles up top and looks him in the eyes.
Omos tells Styles this is what happens, and he fireman’s carries for a SLAM to the mat! Omos hauls Styles back up, has him with both hands, COLOSSAL SLAM! Cover, Omos wins!
Winner: Omos, by pinfall
Styles may be phenomenal, but not even a WWE Grand Slam Champion could stop Omos! Will no one stop Omos now that he’s doing what he wants?
WWE World Championship #1 Contender’s Fatal 4 Way: Big E VS Seth Rollins VS Kevin Owens VS Bobby Lashley w/ MVP!
Oh, the irony. This was meant to be the match to determine the WWE World Champion coming into tonight, but now it will be the match that determines who goes after the Beast, BRRROCK! LESNARRR! The Powerhouse of Positivity vows to fight even harder to get back to the top, while the Architect & Prizefighter look to work together again, and the All Mighty simply looks to inflict damage. Who rises up to head for the Royal Rumble?
Raw returns as Big E makes his entrance, followed by Rollins, and then Lashley. All four men are in the ring, but only one can win! We see who that is, after the break!
Raw returns again, and the bell rings. Lashley and Big E clotheslines Kevin and Rollins! Lashley goes out after Rollins while Kevin and Big E brawl in the ring. Lashley RAMS Rollins into apron, and again, while Kevin fires hands on Big E. Big E hits back, Lashley fireman’s carries Rollins to POST him! Kevin sees that and cringes, and then he gets run over by Big E! Kevin goes to the apron, Big E runs to SPEAR Kevin off! It was a glancing blow but Kevin still falls! Big E is right back up, too, and he goes back to the ring. He meets Lashley and fans fire up for this one! They circle, talk some trash, and they start throwing hands!
Big E, Lashley, Big E, Lashley! Lashley knees low, CLUBS Big E then runs, but Big E drops, hurdles, and ELBOWS Lashley! Lashley comes back to LARIAT Big E! Lashley gets Big E up, suplexes, and SLAMS Big E down! Kevin returns but Lashley spins him around for a NECKBREAKER! Lashley drags Kevin up and reels him in for a suplex! Lashley holds Kevin up before the SLAM! Lashley paces as Kevin and Big E bail out. Fans rally behind Lashley, he runs and SPEARS himself through barriers as Rollins saves Kevin! They regroup but Kevin points out Big E. Rollins turns around into an OVERHEAD Belly2Bell! Kevin runs in but gets SMACKED off the desk!
Big E takes the hood off the desk, clears off the monitors, and fans fire up as he CLUBS Rollins! Big E brings Rollins over, but Kevin saves Rollins! Kevin whips Big E into steel steps! Rollins and Kevin keep working together as they get Big E up to whip him into the POST! They dump the pieces of barrier onto Lashley, and Kevin even swipes at MVP. Kevin and Rollins get Big E to the desk, and they DOUBLE POWERBOMB Big E through the desk!! The teamwork might make the dream work, but Raw goes to break!
Raw returns once again, and Lashley returns! He drags Rollins out for fast hands but Kevin goes out after him! Lashley gets mugged, put back in the ring, and then Rollins & Kevin work together to mug him more. Big E is slumped in a corner, Lashley crawls to another. Rollins CLUBS away on Lashley, Kevin stomps Big E down. Kevin whips Rollins in at Lashley for a forearm smash, then Rollins whips Kevin in for a CANNONBALL! Kevin and Rollins soak up the heat, and then they repeat the process on Big E. Kevin whips Rollins in, but Big E gives him the Urenag-E! Big E runs, into a SUPERKICK from Kevin! But Lashley CLOBBERS Kevin!
Lashley snarls as MVP shouts, “The All Mighty will not be disrespected!” Kevin and Rollins regroup, but Big E and Lashley look at each other. They decide to work together against Kevin and Rollins! The chase is on, Rollins going into the crowd on one end, and Kevin the other! But Big E and Lashley chase them up the stairs! They brawl with the fans right there with them! They’re even going to the pavilion around the back! Lashley SMACKS Rollins off trash barrels! Kevin whips Big E into a light! HURT LOCK on Rollins! Kevin has a trash can lid and he SMACKS Lashley with it! But that only pissed Lashley off!
Kevin finds himself by the merch table, Big E gets him for an URENAGE through the table! Big E and Lashley are standing tall in the unlikeliest of spots, and Raw goes to break!
Raw returns one more time, and Lashley has turned on Big E as they brawl in the crowd now! Lashley throws hands, Big E hits back, but then Rollins CLUBS Big E from behind! All three of them are brawling in an entryway, but where is Kevin? He reappears on the railing and SWANTONS onto them all!! Fans are loving this as the ref check son all four men. Rollins is up first and he seems surprised he survived! Kevin drags himself up and Rollins regroups with him. Kevin is so fired up, he gives Rollins a kiss on the cheek! They drag Big E back to ringside, “This is Awesome!” as things go back to the ring.
Kevin hurries up top, SWANTON BOMB! Rollins hits a FROG SPLASH! Cover, TWO!! Rollins and Kevin can’t believe it! Big E survives, and he’s building energy as he sits back up! Rollins and Kevin look worried, but they DOUBLE SUPERKICK Big E back down! Kevin sets Rollins up, but Big E fights free! Big E scoops Rollins, Rollins slips off and shoves Big E at Kevin! POP-UP- NOPE! Big E fights that, Kevin kicks but Big E shoves him away. No Stunner, but Rollins hits a DREAM SMASHER ELBOW! Feed to the POP-UP POWERBOMB!! Cover, Lashley shoves Rollins down to break it!
Lashley goes after Kevin, OVERHEAD Belly2Belly! Rollins gets up, OVERHEAD Belly2Belly! Lashley goes outside, runs and CLOBBERS Kevin! Rollins staggers up, Lashley goes in, but Rollins spins for a ROLLING ELBOW! But Big E scoops Rollins, only for Rollins to slip off again! Rollins shoves Big E into a SPEAR! Lashley is up, Rollins swings but misses, SPEAR! Kevin returns, he SUPERKICKS Lashley, kicks and- NO! No Stunner, just a SPEAR! Cover, Lashley wins!!
Winner: Bobby Lashley, by pinfall (NEW #1 Contender to the WWE World Championship)
It’s happening! It is finally happening! Lashley and Lesnar will go 1v1, and for THE WWE Championship! Will the Beast be the one conquered by the All Mighty? Or does Lesnar stay the alpha male of the WWE?
Speaking of Lesnar, Lesnar is watching and Kevin Patrick asks if he has a comment. Yes, he does. Tell Roman Reigns that Lesnar will see him this Friday on SmackDown. Whoa! Is Lesnar planning something even bigger than what’s looming at the Royal Rumble? Or will it all tie together once Beast and Tribal Chief meet on SmackDown?
My Thoughts:
This was a great Raw to start the year, at the end of the night. The main event should always be the best thing on a show, but in tonight’s case, it was not hard to be the best. In a vacuum, the Fatal 4 was still awesome, and Lashley getting the win is great for the world title story. Heyman’s great promo earlier, the second best thing tonight, gave kudos to both Lashley and Big E, but it is great that we’re finally getting Lesnar VS Lashley 1v1. Lesnar shrugging Lashley off to talk about Roman is also great, we could definitely be heading for a Winner Takes All scenario at WrestleMania. Lesnar VS Lashley at Rumble, then we also factor in the Rumble winner, and use Mania being two nights to see who comes out the newest Undisputed WWE Champion.
Everything else felt phoned in, even though we saw Vince here tonight. Vince’s newest segment with Theory was whatever, it was easy enough to say Theory is in the Rumble. He won’t win it, but I bet he’s given a really good number. And I also hope Finn uses that moment to return and screw Theory over so they can set up some kind of grudge match. If Vince still has any sense, Finn will win out so that he can be reestablished towards a title. Priest VS Ziggler was fairly good, and it makes sense Roode would wait to appear until the most opportune time. A little surprised Priest retains, but I hope what’s next is Big E. Big E could still try for the Rumble, but I want Big E to become a Grand Slam Champion. That man deserves nothing less after how his reign ended.
RKBRO had a good match with The Alpha Academy, but it went pretty quick after the commercial break. Other tag teams are entering the Royal Rumble, such as the Mysterios and Profits, so it seems pretty clear Alpha Academy is challenging RKBRO at the Rumble. They do make for a good contender team, but I’m not sure of their chances of taking the titles. Profits had a good match against Apollo & Azeez, and I feel like Ford himself is going to have a really good showing in the Rumble match. I don’t want the Profits to split up, but I do feel like Ford is the one who would be given a singles title shot.
Meanwhile, the 24/7 Championship is being used in the stupidest way possible. A Mixed Tag where the champion doesn’t even get involved? Why not have some controversy where Reggie wins the match and is the one given the title? What would’ve happened if Tozawa won? Would Tamina be given the belt or would he? Also, get more women back from the free agency void to go after this belt, at least. Dana literally just has to watch out for Tamina since the male superstars are apparently not allowed to roll Dana up. And speaking of being used stupidly, the Women’s Tag titles! How come those matches aren’t allowed to last more than five minutes?! Why don’t they just reset Nikki into her SAnitY form and let her go nuts on Mella & Vega? She might get disqualified like that but at least it’d be fun!
One thing that’s actually a bit interesting is that the Raw Women’s Championship scene is getting busy again. Naturally, Liv wants one more shot, and Bianca has been building herself back up a match at a time, but Piper has her own point about the same contenders getting more chances. Of course, this also goes back to WWE needing to get some women back in the roster instead of cutting them away. And honestly, I hope Piper wins the Triple Threat. It’ll make for something fresh because we’ll see Piper and Becky finally interact, and honestly, WWE giving us a Heel VS Heel title story would itself be refreshing. Raw needs it, the WWE needs it, and we the fans need it.
My Score: 7.9/10
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Time to roll the dice!
WrestleMania returns to Las Vegas for another two night extravaganza! But will Cody Rhodes still be Undisputed WWE Champion after tonight?
OFFICIAL RESULTS
- ESPN Hour – Six Man Tag: LA Knight & The Usos VS Austin Theory, Logan Paul & IShowSpeed; Knight & The Usos win.
- ESPN Hour – Unsanctioned Match: Jacob Fatu VS Drew McIntyre; Fatu wins.
- WWE Women’s Tag Team Championships Fatal 4 Way: The Irresistible Forces VS #Charlexa VS #BayLyra VS
The Bella TwinsBrie Bella & Paige; Brie & Paige win and become the new WWE Women’s Tag Team Champions. - WWE Women’s Intercontinental Championship: AJ Lee VS Becky Lynch; Becky wins and becomes the new WWE Women’s Intercontinental Champion.
- Seth Rollins VS GUNTHER; Gunther wins.
- WWE Women’s World Championship: Stephanie Vaquer VS Liv Morgan; Liv wins and becomes the new WWE Women’s World Champion.
- Undisputed WWE Championship: Cody Rhodes VS Randy Orton w/ Pat McAfee; Cody wins and retains the title.
PLAY BY PLAY
It’s the WrestleMania Countdown Show!
Join Joe Tessitore, Wade Barrett, Corey Graves & Big E on discussing, analyzing, and predicting the action we’re about to see Sin City!
What WrestleMania Moment is your favorite?
42 years of history and spectacle, it’s hard to choose just one. Hulk Hogan VS Andre the Giant, Hulk Hogan VS The Rock, Eddie Guerrero winning the WWE Championship, the entire Undertaker’s undefeated streak. But it doesn’t really matter which moment is your favorite or if they’re all your favorite, because the Grandest Stage of Them All means so much to all of us. The magic, the memories, the legacy, it’s WrestleMania!
The Las Vegas Mass Choir sings God Bless America.
WrestleMania: The Ultimate Stage.
Lin-Manuel Miranda says, “It’s something you can’t really explain, that feeling when the lights come on. The crowd roars, and you realize there’s no bigger stage than this. No brighter lights, no higher stakes, no louder crowd, and no second takes. It happens once, and it’s forever. Cuz memories are made in this ring, and we, you and me, the fans, we get to be there for moments we’ll never forget. We were there when the Irresistible Force met the Immovable Object. We were there when it seemed impossible, until it happened. When legends took their final bows. When Seth shocked the world. When Cody finished his story and made his dad proud.
“And years from now, decades from now, our kids will tell their kids that we were alive and we were there when Punk fought Roman for the title. When La Primera confronted La Guerita. When the Voices tried to squash the Nightmare. When Jade and Rhea stood face to face. When Oba stepped onto this stage, the biggest stage of them all, for the very first time. There’s no way to know exactly what drama lies ahead, but we know we’re here for the pops and the surprises, the memories that will last a lifetime. We are here, we are alive, no second takes. Lights up, the curtain’s about to rise. Welcome to WrestleMania!”
JOHN CENA is here!
Las Vegas fires up for The GOAT as he walks out on stage in his nicest suit. Cena says he knows, don’t worry, they’re not gonna run. Cena walks down the ramp, waves to the fans, and goes to the ring. The fans chant his name while he gets the mic, and Cena is already a bit emotional. “Wow, I didn’t expect that. Thank you so much. Sorry, uh, long time fan, long time performer, first time host, how am I doing so far? It’s undeniable that this year’s Road to WrestleMania has been chaos. It has been unpredictable. And from every side, from both in here, hell, back there, and out here, it has been very, very vocal.
“One could say it’s… Michael Cole, is it polarizing? Yes, polarizing. Now I see why I got the hosting gig. This is the moment I love the most. Especially on the Road to WrestleMania. We’re all in here for the same reason: Because we know the time to talk is up. The time to deliver is NOW! And we are all here with one thing on our minds: Who tonight will step up and deliver?” The fans cheer for that! Cena says it is such a great honor, ladies and gentlemen, and everyone watching around the world, WELCOME TO WRESTLEMANIA! The pyro goes off as the fans cheer, and it’s about to begin!
ESPN Hour – Six Man Tag: LA Knight & The Usos VS Austin Theory, Logan Paul & IShowSpeed!
A curse from Danhausen turned into a debacle in the WWE World Tag Team Championship match, and now The Mega Star, #BigJim, AND Main Event Jey want to destroy The Vision and one of the most premier streamers in the world! But will it be Viva YEET Vegas tonight? Or will The Pressure & The Maverick help Speed survive?
The trios sort out and The Usos DOUBLE SUPERKICK Theory & Logan! Speed is stuck starting against Knight! The fans fire up as Knight stares Speed down. They circle, Speed dodges a haymaker and headlocks. Knight stands up and lifts Speed without hands! Then he back suplexes, but Speed lands out! Speed ducks ‘n’ dodges, goes up and up, but Knight avoids the Quebrada to DECK Speed! The fans cheer, and Knight drags Speed over. Knight stomps Speed, then DECKS Logan! Speed stands up in a huff and he scoops Knight! Speed SLAMS, he’s now IShowStrength! But Knight’s right up, it wasn’t that much strength…
Speed tags out to Logan then bails out! The fans cheer as Knight THROWS Logan around! Then Knight bumps Logan off buckles, stomps away, “YEAH! YEAH! YEAH!” Then more stomps! “YEAH! YEAH! YEAH!” Tag to Jey, he climbs up, and fans YEET along as Jey drops down nine, then tags Jimmy. Jey wrenches Logan, whips him to ropes, and DOUBLE ELBOW for the tenth! Then DOUBLE ELBOW DROP! Cover, TWO! Jimmy stays between Logan and his team, then CHOPS him! Jimmy whips, Logan grabs ropes, and Logan BOOTS back! Theory tags in, Jimmy TOSSES Logan, but Theory somersaults to SHOTGUN!
The fans boo but Theory BLASTS Jey! Theory rains down fists on Jimmy, but Logan tags in. The Vision reel Jimmy in and DOUBLE SUPLEX! The fans boo but The Vision stand tall with a new flex pose. Then Logan says it’s time, Speed! Logan tags in and tells Speed to prove himself! Speed reels Jimmy in, but Jimmy snap suplexes first! The fans cheer while both men are down. Jimmy and Speed crawl, Logan tags in and BLASTS Knight & Jey! The fans boo but Logan KNEES Jimmy, ROCKS him with a forearm, then soaks up the heat. Logan ROCKS Jimmy again, then fires body shots from all sides! The ref counts but Logan backs off at 4.
Logan winds up, but Jimmy UPPERCUTS! Jimmy goes up, up, USO IN THE WIND! The fans fire up while Logan and Jimmy are down, and the fans “YEET! YEET! YEET!” as they crawl. Hot tags to Theory and Jey! Jey ROCKS Theory, “YEET! YEET! YEET!” Pop, lock, “SUCK IT!” But Theory fireman’s carries! Jey slips free, ducks ‘n’ dodges, SPEAR on Theory! Cover, Logan breaks it! GUT WRENCH PLEX from Logan to Jey! Jimmy SUPERKICKS Logan! Theory DECKS Jimmy! Jey returns but Theory is on him first. Theory POSTS Jey, mocks the YEET, but Jimmy SUPERKICKS Theory down! Speed sneaks in, but Jimmy spots him!
The fans cheer as Jimmy whips Speed, but Speed tilt-o-whirls to RANA! Speed is all fired up, but Knight gives him a B F- NO, Speed powers out, but that sends Knight into Logan! Theory is upset with Speed, but he ROCKS Knight. Theory says Speed needs to get back on Knight for the computer smash. Speed runs, but Knight SHOVES Theory into Speed! B F T on Theory! Cover, Knight & Usos win!
Winners: LA Knight & The Usos, by pinfall
Logan is freaking out, but The Vision should’ve realized, Speed is CURSED! Logan storms up on Speed and says he cost Logan his win! ONE LUCKY RIGHT!! The fans boo as Logan tells Speed he had one job! Speed ruined their WrestleMania moment! Logan TOSSES Speed out, then he clears off the announce desk! The fans boo and the ref reprimands, but Logan says welcome to WWE, Speed! YOU MORON! Logan ROCKS Speed, puts him on the desk, then climbs up the corner! But Jey drags Logan down! Jey whips Logan to the ropes, ONE AND DONE!! The fans cheer as Knight kicks Logan out of the ring, then checks on Speed.
Knight puts Speed in the ring, and Speed fears for his life. But wait, they’re telling Speed to do Logan like Logan was gonna do him?! Logan is put on the desk! The fans cheer Speed on, and Speed agrees! He goes up the corner, then the corner post! Speed aims for a SUPER DUPER SPLASH!! Vegas is losing its mind because he really did that! Speed is just as stunned, but The Usos & Knight help Speed back into the ring! The fans cheer, and let’s run it back! IShowYEET! All is forgiven, but will Knight & The Usos make sure The Vision keep on losing?
ESPN Hour – Unsanctioned Match: Jacob Fatu VS Drew McIntyre!
At first, The Samoan Werewolf was after the Scottish Terminator because Drew was the #1 suspect in the whodunnit. But as Drew kept finding ways to screw Fatu out of golden opportunities, this got more and more personal, and more and more violent! WWE washes its hands of this grudge match, but will Fatu truly stop at nothing to destroy McIntyre? Or will Drew find a way to survive these deadly stakes?
Once in range, Fatu DIVES on Drew at the ramp! The bell rings as Fatu throws Drew into barriers, smacks him off apron, and repeat! Then Fatu POSTS Drew! Fatu keeps Drew on his feet to then THROW over barriers and into the timekeeper’s area! The fans fire up as Fatu goes looking under the ring. Fatu brings out a TABLE! And then another TABLE! The fans cheer as Fatu is going double or nothing already, as he also adds a couple chairs! Then a couple more! And a couple more! Drew crawls his way over but Fatu KNEES him down! Fatu then brings out the toolbox! Fatu grins as he dumps out the tools, then threatens Drew with the box!
Drew panics, remembering battling with Punk! But then Drew KICKS Fatu’s legs out! Drew chucks the box itself away, then THRWOS Fatu into the frame of the ring! Then Drew lines up the shot, CATAPULT GUILLOTINE with the ring frame! The fans boo but then Drew sets up the table nearby. Drew storms over to Fatu, reels him in, but Fatu RAMS Drew into the POST! Drew staggers away, but Fatu runs up on him, only for Drew to LARIAT Fatu down! Drew then borrows his brother’s phone to take a selfie! Drew HAMMERS Fatu with the phone, hands it back to Brother McIntyre, then Drew puts Fatu in the ring.
Drew has a WRENCH, or perhaps SPANNER if you will! But Fatu LARIATS Drew down! Fatu whips, Drew KICKS him away, but Fatu just fires up! Fatu LARIATS again, then SENTONS! A chair might’ve been involved in there by accident, but Fatu keeps moving to SPLASH in a corner! Fatu climbs up to HEADBUTT again and again, and the fans count all the way to TEN! Fatu keeps moving, HIP ATTACK in the corner! Fatu shakes them dreads, then he dodges to POP-UP SAMOAN DROP! Cover, TWO! Drew survives and Fatu snarls while the fans rally up. Fatu has a chair, takes aim, but Drew GLASGOW KISS HEADBUTTS first!
Drew grabs a chair, he wedges it in a corner, then he stalks Fatu. Drew aims, but Fatu reverses, only for Drew to stop short! Drew ELBOWS Fatu away, Fatu comes back, but Drew dodges! Fatu SMACKS off the post! Then Drew GERMAN SUPLEXES Fatu! Fatu flounders away while Drew seethes. Drew sees Fatu outside the ring, and the fans sing for “OH~ DREW MCINTYRE~!” as he FLIES! Down goes Fatu at the ramp! The fans fire up as Drew puts Fatu back in the ring, takes aim, “THREE! TWO! ONE!” CLAYMORE MISSES as Fatu ducks! Fatu then whips Drew into the chair! Down goes Drew, up goes Fatu, MIGHTY MOONSAULT! Cover, TWO!!
The fans are fired up as Drew survives Fatu’s best shot! “This is Awesome!” but the fans also say, “We Want Tables!” Drew grits his teeth as he crawls over, and he fines another spanner! SPANNER SHOT to Fatu’s leg! Then Drew HAMMERS away with the wrench on Fatu’s head! Then he uses the wrench claw to dig at Fatu’s face! The fans are torn but Drew grins a sinister grin. Drew grabs a chair, sets that up, then sets another chair up right beside it. The fans fire up as Drew drags Fatu up, reels him in, and FALCON ARROW through the chairs! Cover, TWO! Fatu survives and Drew questions Dan Angler, the ref who “screwed” him last time.
Drew intimidates Dan into taking off his leather belt! Drew holds the belt up, swings it around, and even struts his way over to Fatu. Fatu rises up, and Drew runs up! SUPERKICK From Fatu! The fans fire up as Drew is down, and Fatu has another chair! Fatu SMACKS Drew with that chair! Then he SMACKS Drew with the other chair! Then Fatu has Dan’s belt! Fatu winds up, and he LASHES Drew! And LASHES! And LASHES, LASHES, LASHES! The fans fire up with Fatu, then Fatu goes back to the toolbox. The fans cheer Fatu on as he takes aim, but Drew CLAYMORES outta nowhere!! Cover, TWO?!? Now Fatu survives Drew’s best shot!
Drew SHOVES Dan, but then he throws hands with Fatu! The fans rally as the shots go back and forth, then Fatu rebounds to UPPERCUT! Drew wobbles, but he CHOPS back! Fatu kicks low, Drew CHOPS, but Fatu UPPERCUTS! Drew SLAPS, Fatu SLAPS, they go back and forth! Drew fires haymakers, but Fatu fires HEADBUTTS! The fans fire up as Fatu HEADBUTTS Drew down to the mat! Fatu looks around at the furniture, and he goes for the table! The fans cheer as Fatu stands the table up, SMACKS Drew off it, then makes sure he’s positioned just right on it. Fatu HEADBUTTS Drew for good measure, then SMACKS him with a chair!
Fatu goes to the corner, climbs up, but Drew slips off the table! Drew CHUCKS the chair into Fatu’s face! And then SMACKS Fatu on the back! Fatu sputters, but Drew SHOVES him off the corner! Fatu falls down through the table!! The fans go nuts again as Drew staggers around. Drew drags Fatu from the wreckage, puts him in the ring, “This is Awesome!” as Drew storms up. Fatu SUPERKICKS! And SUPERKICKS! Drew falls, but Fatu grabs the toolbox! TOOLBOX SHOT!! Drew is on the table, MIGHTY MOONSAULT!! Cover, Fatu wins!
Winner: Jacob Fatu, by pinfall
These two really raised the stakes in Sin City, and it is the Samoan Werewolf standing tall! Will he do just as he said and leave Drew in the rearview? What will be ahead on the road after WrestleMania for both men?
WWE Women’s Tag Team Championships Fatal 4 Way: The Irresistible Forces VS #Charlexa VS #BayLyra VS The Bella Twins!
Nia Jax & Lash Legend have been doing what they want when they want and to who they want, but that’s only made the walls close in on their title reign. Will they survive as Charlotte Flair, Alexa Bliss, Bayley, Lyra Valkyria, Brie and Nikki all fight for their gold? Or will the odds be on NEW champions crowned tonight?
Charlotte Flair & Alexa Bliss are a butterfly and a moth, #BayLyra have matching gear, and the champs pay tribute to Demolition with their attire. But oh no, Nikki Bella’s on crutches! Nikki promises she tried really hard to overcome the injury, but she could not be cleared tonight. But she wasn’t going to ruin this WrestleMania moment, taking Nikki’s place is an old friend. IT’S PAIGE! Vegas erupts as yes, she’s baaaack~! One of the most elite Women’s Champions has returned, and what a night to do it! The introductions are made, the belts are raised, and so are the stakes as four teams fight for the number one spot!
In this form of Fatal 4 Way, each team has one woman legal at any one time, so we start with Lash going right after Brie! Lash THROWS Brie down but Bayley fires off! Lash DECKS Brie, but Bliss jumps on! Lash THROWS Alexa off, then LARIATS her down! The fans still chant “Welcome Back!” for Paige, but Lash SPLASHES Brie! Tag to Nia, the champs mug Bayley, then fireman’s carry for the BOOT O’ DOOM! Bayley flounder while Nia scoops Bliss. Bliss slips free, tags Charlotte, and Charlotte goes up to CROSBSODY! The Queen flies like a butterfly, and Bayley helps DUMP Nia out! Charltote CHOPS away on Brie, but Bayley ROCIKS Charlotte!
Tag to Lyra and she goe sup, MISSILE- NO, Charlotte catches the leg! But Brie reels Charlotte into a cradle! TWO, and Lyra SOBATS, KICKS, RAMS< and- NO, Charlotte blocks to hand that foot to Brie! Brie sends it back, down goes Charlotte! Lyra runs hup but Brie ducks the enzigiri! Brie fires up, and she fires off “YES KICKS!” The fans cheer each shot as Brie goes back and forth! Then Brie points to Paige, but Lyra trips Brie up! Brie ENZIGIRIS Lyra, but Charlotte rolls her up! ONE, Brie BOOTS back, but Nia drags Brie out to THROW her into barriers! The fans boo but Nia tags Lash. Lash storms up on Brie to APRON CHOKE SLAM!
Charlotte BOOTS Nia, but Lash BOOTS Charlotte! Charlotte goes to ropes, Lash runs up, but into a BOOT! Then a BACKBFREAKEAR and HOTSHOT! Tag to Bliss, FLYING DDT! Lyra DECKS Bliss, brings her around, and whips her to the corner. Lyra LARIATS, then tags Bayley! Bayley runs up to ELBOW Bliss! Wacky Waving tag to Lyra, then she ROCKS Bliss! Tag back to Bliss, BACKBREAKER and ELBOW DROP! Cover, but Lash YANKS Bayley away! Lash talks trash, but Brie jumps on! Lash keeps Brie from Paige, RAMS her into the corner, then puts Brie up top. Lyra tags in, she ROCKS Lash, then Lyra climbs up after Brie.
Brie fires forearms with Lyra, Bliss joins in, and Bliss helps Lyra with Brie! But Lash gets under them, and it’s a DOUBLE POWERBOMB! Brie escapes that Tower of Doom to MISSILE DROPKICK Lash! The fans fire up as all four active women are down! Lash, Bliss, Brie and Lyra all crawl, hot tags to Nia, Charlotte, and Bayley! Nia intercepts Bayley, sends her to Charlotte’s BOOT, then Nia HEADBUTTS Charlotte! HOT TAG TO PAIGE! The fans erupt as Paige fires off! Paige then doles out LARIAT after LARIAT! Then FISHERMAN BUSTER on Bayley! The fans are thunderous for Paige, “This is MY house!”
But Lash is up to TOSS Page through the ropes! The fans cheer, but Paige gets Lash with KNEE after KNEE in the ropes! The fans cheer as Lash tumbles, then Paige goes up to CROSSBODY onto Lyra! Lyra rolls through and fireman’s carries! But Paige fights free, slips around, PAIGE TURNER! Cover, Bayley breaks it! Nia runs up, fireman’s carries, and SAMOAN DROPS her! Brie runs up but into a kick! Nia lifts Brie up, but Brie turns things around, and Lyra DUMPS them both out! But Lash gets Lyra with the LASH EXTENSION! Cover, Paige and Charlotte break it up! Paige and Charlotte mug Lash, then DOUBLE SUPERKICK!
The fans cheer as the old friends DOUBLE LARIAT Lash up and out! Paige and Charlotte stare down now and the fans are going nuts! Paige and Charlotte circle, then they start throwing hands! Forearm for forearm, back and forth, and Paige gets the edge! Charlotte shoves to CHOP! Then she trips Paige to step through, but Paige cradle counters, TWO! Charlotte hits NATURAL SELECTION! Then tag to Bliss! Bliss climbs, but Nikki YANKS Charlotte out! And she CRACKS Charlotte with the crutch! Just because she can’t wrestle doesn’t mean she can’t get involved! TWISTED BLISS but onto knees! Then the RAMPAIGE!! Cover, PAIGE & BRIE WIN!!
Winners: Paige & Brie Bella, by pinfall (NEW WWE Women’s Tag Team Champions)
Brie hugs Paige, and Paige is already emotional! Her first match in WWE in eight YEARS, and it’s not just at WrestleMania, but it’s a win for tag team gold! Paige helps Brie check one off the bucket list, and the fans couldn’t be happier! Will this throwback be more than just a nostalgia trip for us all?
WWE Women’s Intercontinental Championship: AJ Lee VS Becky Lynch!
Speaking of comebacks, the Black Widow came back to not just help out CM Punk, but to show she was ready to do what she loves again. But ever since then, things have gone back and forth, up and down, and around between these two. Will Becky show AJ she’s no longer ready for The Big Time? Or will The Man fail to keep AJ down?
The introductions are made, the belt is raised, and we see who punctuates this storied feud!
The bell rings and the fans rally as the two circle. They tie up, but Becky kicks low! Becky ROCKS AJ, talks trash, then whips, but AJ reverses. AJ drops down, then arm-drags Becky for the armlock! Becky scrambles around, the fans rally and even duel, and Becky stands up. Becky stomps AJ’s foot, whips her away, but AJ avoids the dropkick! AJ sits in the ropes to smile at Becky. Becky runs up but AJ DUMPS her out! The fans rally as Becky storms around, but AJ CROSSBODIES! Becky catches AJ and FALL AWAY SLAMS AJ into barriers! Becky talks trash on AJ again, drags her up, and CLUBS her down. “I’m the greatest!”
Becky puts AJ in the ring, then goes up a corner. Becky aims, and drops THE MAN’S LEG! Cover, TWO! AJ survives, but Becky SMACKS her off the mat! The fans rally while AJ crawls, and Becky runs up again, for a LARIAT! Becky clinches, EXPLODERS, then covers, TWO! Becky furiously dribbles AJ off the mat, then goes to a corner. The ref spots Becky untying the buckle pad! Becky argues with Jessica Karr as Jessica puts the buckle back on the corner! Becky storms over to AJ but AJ cradles! TWO! Becky runs up, AJ ROCKS her! And ROCKS her again! AJ fires shots, whips, but Becky reverses. AJ BOOTS Becky back!
AJ goes up, TORNADO- NO, Becky stops that, but AJ ROCKS her! And ELBOWS her! Becky goes to ropes. AJ runs up and LARIATS! AJ runs but Becky ROCKS her back! Becky runs, but AJ slides and trips Becky up! The fans cheer as AJ hurries back up a corner. AJ leaps, MISSILE DROPKICK! Down goes Becky and AJ hurries to cover, TWO! Becky toughs it out but the fans continue to rally. AJ runs, tilt-o-whirls, but Becky stops the Black Widow stretch. AJ fires body shots to SLICED BREAD! AJ runs up, but Becky powers her up for the POWERBOMB! Cover, TWO! The fans rally as AJ survives that sudden turnaround.
Becky drags AJ up, but AJ SLAPS her! Becky clinches, but AJ wheelbarrows to arm-drag! AJ ROUNDHOUSES Becky to the corner, then runs up, but Becky turns tilt-o-whirl into a THROW into the corner! Becky then clinches, MANHANDLE SLAM!! Cover, TWO!! AJ survives and Becky is shocked! Becky whips AJ into a corner, stomps a mudhole in, but stops as the ref counts. Becky argues with Jessica, the fans cheer Jessica on, and Jessica tells Becky to watch her ass! Jess even SHOVES Becky! Becky says okay then! Becky runs up, but AJ clinches Becky first! AJ MANHANDLE SLAMS Becky!! Cover, TWO!!
The fans are stunned and so is AJ as Becky survives her own move! Becky and AJ slowly rise up, and AJ fires a shot first! Becky fires back! The fans cheer shots go back and forth, fast ‘n’ furious! MANHANDLE- NO, AJ slips around, BLACK WIDOW STRETCH!! Becky flails, reaches out, and marches her way over, but then pulls AJ’s hair! Becky lets AJ go so she can go tot he corner, and she yanks that buckle pad away again! AJ runs up, but Becky YANKS Jessica in as a shield! Then AJ is sent into the steel!! MANHANDLE SLAM!! Cover, BECKY WINS!!
Winner: Becky Lynch, by pinfall (NEW WWE Women’s Intercontinental Champion)
Becky just big time STOLE this win! She’s a THREE-TIME Women’s IC Champion, but only because of a bare buckle! Will we ever hear the end of it now that Becky can brag all the way to the bank?
Seth Rollins VS GUNTHER!
The Visionary, The Revolutionary, The Architect vowed vengeance on The Vision he helped create, but ironically, there was no one to go after. But then Der Ring General saw an opportunity for himself and attacked on Heyman’s behalf! Gunther claims Rollins was avoiding him during their respective World Heavyweight Championship reigns, but will there be no avoiding defeat tonight? Or can Rollins still #BurnItDown?
Gunther DROPKICKS Rollins before the bell! Then SAIDOS! The fans boo and the ref reprimands but Gunther hauls Rollins up, GENERAL BOMB! Rollins flounders out of the ring while Gunther soaks up the heat. Gunther goes out after Rollins, but Rollins CLAWS Gunther’s eyes! The fans fire up as Rollins fires off fists and KNEES against the barriers, then he whips Gunther into and over Spanish commentary! Rollins keeps after Gunther while the fans cheer him on! Rollins THROWS Gunther over English commentary! The ref reprimands but this isn’t even a match yet! Rollins fires more knees against the barriers, then he SMACKS Gunther with a fan chair!
Rollins stomps away on Gunther, then hears the fans cheering him on! Gunther hobbles, Rollins flips him off, and they both get in the ring! The bell finally rings and the forearms fly! The fans cheer as they go back and forth, but then Gunther CHOPS! Rollins BOOTS, Gunther BOOTS, and repeat! The fans cheer Rollins, boo Gunther, but Gunther BOOTS Rollins down! Gunther clamps on with a SLEEPER! Rollins moves around, reaches out, but Gunther GERMAN SUPLEXES! Rollins lands out and BOOTS Gunther down! The fans fire up while Rollins scuffs Gunther. Rollins has the arms and fires DRAGON STOMPS a la Bryan Danielson!
Rollins then aims from a corner, runs up, but into a LARIAT! Gunther huffs ‘n’ puffs as he has Rollins down. The fans rally for Rollins but Gunther scuffs him now. Gunther kicks Rollins to the ropes, talks trash, then CHOPS! And CHOPS! Rollins falls over, but Gunther KICKS him in the back! The fans boo but Gunther clamps onto Rollins, and ELBOWS him in the head! Rollins stands up to CHOP, but Gunther CHOPS! Gunther KNEES Rollins again and again, then CHOPS! Rollins stumbles and falls, but he gets up to go after Gunther again! Rollins SLAPS, Gunther SLAPS, and Rollins stumbles around.
Gunther stands on Rollins’ head! The ref counts, the fans boo, but Gunther stops at 4. Gunther drags Rollins up, ROCKS him, but Rollins hits back! Gunther CHOPS Rollins on the back, SMACKS him off buckles, then he climbs up the corner. The fans are torn as Gunther drags Rollins up! Rollins resists the suplex, but Gunther powers up to SUPER- NO, Rollins slips free and slips under! Gunther panics as Rollins runs corner to corner, BUCKLE BOMB!! And CURB- NO, Gunther dodges to GERMAN SUPLEX! Rollins is up, he dodges the lariat, and he SNAP GERMANS in return! Gunther LARIATS, but Rollins is right up to LARIAT back!
The fans fire up while both men are down! The fans sing “WHOA~ OH~ OHH~!” Rollins grits his teeth as he sits up, and he eggs Gunther on. Gunther kicks at Rollins while he’s still on the mat, but Rollins hits back! Gunther fires a forearm, then a HEADBUTT! Rollins SMACKS Gunther in return, but Gunther kicks at Rollins again. Rollins CHOPS and ROCKS Gunther, but Gunther CHOPS back! Rollins CHOPS, Gunther CHOPS, and Gunther CHOPS again! And CHOPS again! Gunther eggs Rollins on, CHOPS him, but Rollins CHOPS, CHOPS, and CHOPS! The fans fire up as Rollins backs Gunther down to the other corner, then MACHINE GUN CHOPS!
The fans cheer but Gunther reels Rollins in, GENERAL BOMB! High stack, TWO!! The fans fire up as Rollins survives, but both men are down from putting so much into the fight. The fans rally up and even sing again, but Gunther sits up first. Gunther drags Rollins up, then short arm LARIATS! Gunther soaks up the heat while Rollins sputters. Gunther runs, LARIATS again, and the fans boo while Rollins tumbles. Gunther drags Rollins up, runs the ropes again, but Rollins slips through! Rollins underhooks, but Gunther BACKDROPS free! Rollins rebounds SUPERKICK! Then a KNEE! Then the underhooks!
But Gunther BACKDROPS into a bridging cover, TWO!! Rollins manages to get up and underhook again, PEDIGREE!! Then the CURB STOMP!! Cover, TWO?!? Gunther survives and the fans can’t believe it! “This is Awesome!” as Rollins goes to the ropes. Rollins snarls, he goes to the apron, and he climbs up a corner. FLYING- NO, Gunther dodges the stomp to waistlock! Rollins switches, O’Conner Rolls, TWO! REAR NAKED CHOKE!! Gunther has the body scissors on but Rollins fights around! The fans rally as hard as they can as Rollins reaches out! Rollins is free of the body scissors, then fights to his feet!
Rollins pries at the hold, breaks free, and ROLLING ELBOWS! Then ROLLING ELBOW again! And ROLLING- NO, Gunther LARIATS first! Gunther goes up a corner, but Rollins jumps up the corner! SUPER DUPER PLEX! Roll through, and FALCON ARROW! Cover, TWO!! Gunther survives, but now Rollins has the SLEEPER!! Gunther flails, reaches out, but Rollins holds on tight! The fans freak out as Gunther flails, but he manages the ROPEBREAK with a foot! The fans boo but Gunther survives! “This is Awesome!” as Rollins rises again. Rollins fires himself up, then builds speed to DIVE! Down goes Gunther but Rollins keeps going!
Rollins DIVES again, and Gunther hits the desk! Rollins DIVES again, but Gunther catches him! GENERAL BOMB on the apron! And then GENERAL BOMB on the desk!! Gunther drags Rollins up onto the desk now, and he lifts, but Rollins slips free! Underhooks, PEDIGREE!! Gunther sputters but Rollins flops around. Rollins goes to the Spanish desk, then runs up, CURB STOMP on the English desk!! The fans are thunderous for Rollins, but wait, BRON BREAKKER IS HERE?!? SPEAR!!! The fans are freaking out as Bron puts Rollins in the ring! The ref missed it all, because he was checking on Gunther!
Gunther rolls into the ring, Rollins glaring at Bron, but SLEEPER!! Gunther squeezes tight, traps an arm even, but Rollins still grabs at the hold! But Rollins is fading! ROLLINS IS OUT!! GUNTHER WINS!!
Winner: Gunther, by submission
Rollins wanted to end The Vision, but he didn’t see this one coming! Bron made quite the impact, but he’s not done! He runs down the entire ramp, to SPEAR Rollins down!! Bron tells Rollins that HE will be the one to end this! Paul Heyman laughs as HIS Badass is back! Will Rollins’ mission fail before it can truly begin?
The Hall of Fame Class of 2026 is on stage.
Nick Hogan and Jimmy Hart are here on behalf of The Hulkster, Bad News Brown’s family is here on his behalf, and we have Dennis Rodman, Demolition, and the family of Sid Vicious. And of course, the Phenomenal A J STYLES, and Stephanie McMahon!
WWE Women’s World Championship: Stephanie Vaquer VS Liv Morgan!
The heat between La Primera and “the greatest Royal Rumble winner of all time” has reached a fever pitch, and it all comes to a head on the Grandest Stage of Them All! Will Vaquer put Liv through Hell here in Sin City? Or will Liv be nothing but trouble?
The introductions are made, the belt is raised, and we see who’s truly worthy of this WrestleMania moment!
The bell rings and the two run up! Vaquer SPINEBUSTERS, rains down HEADBUTTS, but Liv turns things around to throw hands! They scrap, Vaquer fires more HEADBUTTS, then they go outside. Vaquer ROCKS Liv, then THROWS her into barriers! Vaquer throws Liv back into the ring, runs up and LARIATS in the corner! Vaquer sits Liv down, runs corner to corner, METEORA! Vaquer pushes Liv to the drop zone, then goes up, up, but Liv CLUBS her! The fans rally, Liv runs, and she springboards to FLYING SUNSET FLIP POWERBOMB! Cover, TWO! Vaquer survives but Liv stomps her around for it.
Liv HAMMERS away on Vaquer, then brings Vaquer up to reel her in. Liv snap suplexes, then rolls through, Una Amiga! Then another suplex, Dos Amigas! Then THREE AMIGAS! Liv gives some Latina Heat, then runs up to ENZIGIRI! Liv has a sinister smile as she goes up the corner, aims, and FROG SPLASH but onto KNEES! Vaquer hoists Liv up, BIG back suplex! Vaquer wraps Liv up, and the fans like where this is going! DEVIL’S KISSES! AH, AH, AH, AH, AH, AH, AH, AH, AH, AH, AH! YEEEEEAH~! Liv flounders, but Vaquer drags her up and underhooks. ANGEL’S WINGS! Cover, TWO! Liv survives but Vaquer just hooks her up again!
The fans rally as Vaquer lifts, but Liv slips free! Liv then dodges to BACKSTABBER! Liv SLAPS Vaquer around, then talks trash. Liv decides to do this her way, but Vaquer victory rolls, TWO! Liv runs up, Vaquer ducks, and then she tucks Liv in! S V B!! Cover, TWO!! Liv survives and Vaquer is frustrated. The fans rally as Liv goes to ropes, but Vaquer runs up. Liv hits a CODE BREAKER! Liv runs up, but Vaquer dodges Oblivion! Then she steals OBLIVION! Cover, TWO!! The fans fire up as Liv survives her own move! Vaquer drags Liv to a drop zone, goes up the corner, but ROXANNE PEREZ is here! The fans boo as the ref is distracted!
But then Raquel Rodriguez is here! She HOTSHOTS Vaquer, into OBLIVION!! Cover, TWO?!? Vaquer survives and shocks everyone! Liv runs up, but into a SUPERKICK! Roxie gets up, but gets a SUPERKICK for it! Raquel tries, Vaquer SUPERKICKS! Vaquer ducks as Liv DIVES, and down goes Raquel! Vaquer aims, goes up, and SUPER CROSSBODIES! But Liv lets Raquel & Roxie take the hit! The fans fire up but Liv THROWS Vaquer into the steps! Liv puts Vaquer in, CODE BREAKER! Then OBLIVION!! Cover, LIV WINS!
Winner: Liv Morgan, by pinfall (NEW WWE Women’s World Champion)
Dominik Mysterio shows up to celebrate with his mamacita! The fans are torn, but will Liv and Judgment Day get back on top of Monday Night Raw?
John Cena is back!
“Night one WrestleMania, what an amazing evening it’s been so far!” The fans cheer that, and Cena says, “As your host, I have the luxury of announcing tonight’s attendance. There has been a lot of speculation on what it might be. Vegas is the perfect city, and I would’ve bet the over. I look around and there are people everywhere. I am proud to announce tonight’s official attendance: 50,816 people! Las Vegas and those around the world, thank you so much!” Pyro goes off to commemorate the number, but wait, make it 50,817! BIANCA BELAIR is back! The fans cheer The EST and her robe of blue roses as she struts to the ring!
Bianca gets the mic to remind us we can’t spell WrestleMania without E S T! Now, she knows it’s been a long time since she’s been out here, but from the bottom of her heart, thank you for all the love and support. She missed us, too. Now, you know you can’t have Mania without some surprises, right? So John Cena, Bianca has one more to add to attendance. She’s PREGNANT! The fans cheer that Bianca is gonna be the StrongEST, the FastEST, the ToughEST mom of all time! Cena says thank you, Bianca, for allowing the WWE family to share this moment with hers. So then, the youngEST WWE Superstar in history makes it 50,818!
And you can feel the energy here in Las Vegas! All the noise, all the focus on the ring right here, because next up is your MAAAAAAAAIN EVENT! The fans cheer that! Congratulations to Bianca Belair & Montez Ford, we can’t wait to see the StrongEST, the FastEST, the ToughEST, and the CuteEST baby ever!
Undisputed WWE Championship: Cody Rhodes VS Randy Orton w/ Pat McAfee!
The American Nightmare didn’t realize what he was doing telling The Viper he could be “the best” version of himself for this match. The Apex Predator unleashed that 2009 Randy Orton, and maybe even a little more, and apparently all with Pat coaching him up. But will this form of Randy Orton earn that 15th world championship? Or will Cody make sure Randy (and Pat) can’t “save” the WWE?
Pat McAfee makes his entrance first so he can flip off fans and tell them off, just as they do to him. Then Orton makes his entrance, with fans still singing along to Voices. Pat even joins Orton in doing the iconic pose from the corners. The tron then changes things up from the Mad Max wasteland to a Marvel’s Ironman style vault, or perhaps even Batman’s Bat Cave. The many phases of Cody’s career, from being just a rookie in green, to being the “Dashing” Cody Rhodes, to even Stardust, and now, the American Nightmare. And from below rises IRON CODY! “Wrestling has more than one royal family.”
The fans cheer and sing along with Kingdom as Cody unzips the golden jacket to show off the title, “WHOA~ OH~!” The ramp is so long, we get the second “WHOA~ OH~” and pyro before Cody’s even truly ringside. Cody still high-fives the young fans up front, and of course holds up his daughter, before going to the ring. The introductions are made, with Pat interrupting. “Listen up, you disgusting pigs! Make some noise for the man who stands at 6’5″, 275 pounds! A depiction of perfection in professional wrestling! When he walks outta here tonight, he’s gonna show each and every one of you fat ass bums what greatness looks like as he becomes a FIFTEEN TIME WORLD CHAMPION~!”
The fans are torn as Pat says this is the man who saves the business tonight, RRRRANDY… ORRRRTOOON~! The fans do still cheer, then Alicia Taylor gives Cody his intro. The belt is raised, and if wrestling has more than one royal family, then we’re about to see who reigns supreme!
But Pat SUCKER PUNCHES Cody! The fans boo and the ref reprimands as Orton stomps away on Cody! This isn’t a match yet, either! Orton stands Cody up, but Cody BOOTS Pat away! Then he POSTS Orton! Cody catches Pat for a CROSS RHODES! The fans cheer that, too! Cody kicks Pat out of the ring, goes out after him, and he clears off the desk! They just put everything back in place! Cody puts Pat on the desk, HAMMERS away, and JELLY ROLL is here! Even Jelly approves of this! Jelly goes up onto the desk, and he gives Pat a MACHO ELBOW down through the table!! The fans go nuts as Jelly tells Cody to go do this 1v1!
Cody returns to the ring, but where is Orton? Orton realizes what just happened to Pat, and producers hurry out here, leading the way for the stretcher. The fans cheer and sing, “Hey hey hey, goodbye~!” Pat is put on the stretcher and is wheeled up the ram. Pat gives a thumbs up, then a middle finger. Orton sighs and shakes his head, then storms his way into the ring. The bell finally rings and the fans cheer. Cody and Orton stare down while the fans duel. They run up, tie up, and go around. They go along the ropes, around in corners, and back to center. They break, circle again, and tie up again. Orton headlocks but Cody endures the grind.
Cody powers up, out, but Orton RUNS him over! The fans are torn but Orton waits on Cody. Cody stands, he and Orton reset, and they tie up again. Cody wrenches to a wristlock, but Orton fights the top wristlock. Cody brings Orton down to a knee, but Orton fights up. Cody wrenches, hammerlocks, headlocks, but Orton powers up and out. Orton drops down, then he RUNS Cody over again! Orton stands Cody up to UPPERCUT, then has him on the ropes. Orton wrenches, wristlocks, and he bumps Cody off buckles. Orton UPPERCUTS Cody, Cody sputters and goes to another corner, but Orton whips corner to corner.
Cody goes up and over, but Orton is ready! Cody ducks the lariat, kicks and RHODES UPPERCUTS! Orton comes back, Cody dodges, and Cody SNAP POWERSLAMS! The fans are torn as Cody uses the move taught to him by Orton. Orton slowly rises, Cody springboards, but Orton catches him to the BACK2BACKBREAKER! Orton hobbles from that move, was that double-edged given his past back injury? Orton pokes Cody in the eyes to slow him down, then snapmares for a chinlock. The fans rally as Cody endures, fights up, and powers up to hit a BIG back suplex! Orton writhes and bails out, very angry right about now.
Orton walks off the pain but Cody storms after him. But Orton kicks low! Orton puts Cody in the ring, does his best to walk off the back pain, but Cody KICKS Orton in the ropes! Cody brings Orton around, RAMS him into the corner, and he drop toeholds for a step over and HALF CRAB! Orton endures, even as Cody sits deep on the hold! The fans rally and duel as Orton fights around. Cody lets go to AX HANDLE Orton’s back! Cody drags Orton up, shoves him, and ROCKS him in the back! Orton drops to his knees but Cody KNEES him in the back! Orton goes to the corner, Cody fires hands, then he wrenches and whips hard!
Orton slumps down in the corner, then bails out again. Cody pursues again, ROCKS Orton in the back, and he puts Orton in the ring. Cody pushes Orton to a cover, ONE! Orton is tougher than that, but Cody clamps on a rear bearhug. Orton endures, fires elbows, but Cody KNEES him in the back! Cody goes back to the rear bearhug, but the fans rally and duel as Orton fights up. Orton throws elbows, but Cody whips him again. Orton reverses, Cody goes up and over to roll Orton up, TWO! Cody kicks low, shoves Orton into ropes again, and ROCKS Orton with another shot to the back! Orton drops to his knees again but Cody brings him around.
Cody snap suplexes, covers, TWO! Orton toughs it out but Cody goes out to the apron. Cody climbs a corner while the fans cheer. Orton stands, to trip Cody up! Cody lands on his Stardust, but Orton takes a moment before climbing up. Orton throws hands, Cody fires back, and the fans rally as the shots go back and forth. Orton ROCKS Cody, goes up top, and he brings Cody up to the very top! SUPER DUPER PLEX! The fans fire up while both men are down! Orton grits his teeth, that was certainly a double-edged choice there. Orton manages to rise up, and he LARIATS, LARIATS, dodges, then SNAP POWERSLAMS!
The fans fire up as Orton seems to be feeling a bit better, and he puts Cody through the ropes. DRAPING DDT! Well again, double-edged, but Orton just fights through the pain. Orton hears the voices as he pounds the mat, and he waits on Cody! R K- NO, Cody shoves free, then dodges Orton to send him outside! Cody builds speed to DIVE into a forearm! The fans fire up as Cody flops down. Orton drags Cody from apron to the Spanish desk, DESK BACK SUPLEX! Orton shoves Cody down, surveys the wreckage at ringside, and he finds a water bottle. Orton hydrates real quick before stalking Cody. Orton brings Cody around to look at the belt before going to the ring.
But Cody POSTS Orton! The fans are torn, but Cody hobbles around. Cody apologizes to the Orton family at ringside before going to the ring. Orton is busted open! Cody fires off hands on the bloody forehead, then DECKS Orton! Orton staggers, sputters, flops in a corner, and Cody stomps a mudhole! The fans boo but Cody drags Orton from the corner. Orton grabs for ropes but Cody stomps him down. Cody stomps Orton’s foot, very much what Orton would do! Cody stomps the other foot, ROCKS Orton again, and Orton reaches out. Cody says no mercy! BEAUTIFUL DISASTER KICK! Orton falls, Cody covers, TWO!
The fans rally up as Orton survives, but Cody paints himself with Orton’s blood! The fans tell Cody he’s sick but Cody ROCKS Orton again! Orton sits up, the crimson mask growing, but Cody drags Orton up. Cody TOSSES Orton through ropes, and he wants to copy Orton, but Orton is a ragdoll! Cody lets Orton slump down, but then says he’s hearing those same voices! Cody drags Orton through the ropes after all, for a DRAPING DDT! The fans are torn as both men are down! Cody then copies Orton by pounding the mat! Orton rises while the fans are dueling again, but Orton avoids the RKO! Orton snatches Cody for a CROSS RHODES!! Cover, TWO!!
The fans are stunned and Orton is furious that Cody survives his own move! Orton hears the voices, he aims, R K- NO, Cody backslides it, TWO! Cody steals the RKO!! Cover, TWO!! The fans are stunned again as Orton survives his own move! “This is Awesome!” as Cody rises up. Orton bails out of the ring, but Cody sees him crawling. Cody goes out after Orton, brings him around, and SMACKS him off Spanish commentary, the last table standing! DESK BACK SUPLEX! Orton sputters, flounders, and writhes, but Cody brings Orton around again. Cody puts Orton in the ring, calls his shot, but the fans are torn.
Cody waits on Orton, but RKO OUTTA NOWHERE!! Cover, TWO?!? Cody survives and no one can believe it! Orton hobbles to a corner, Cody crawls to ropes, but Orton goes after Cody again. Orton ROCKS Cody, Cody ROCKS Orton, but Orton rebounds to kick low! Cody ROCKS Orton again, but Orton ROCKS Cody again! Cody fires a flurry, ROCKS Orton again, but Orton ROCKS Cody! The fans are starting to favor Orton, but Cody uses an eye poke! Orton RKOS the ref!! Orton and Cody are both stunned! All Orton saw was blonde hair and he struck! But speaking of, Cody senses Orton sneaking up, and he blocks the low blow! Cody LOW BLOWS Orton!!
The fans are going nuts as Cody, busted open in his own right, is doing what he has to! Cody goes up, up, and SUPER CODY- RKO!!! Orton strikes again, but now the ref can’t count! But wait, is that PAT?! In a neck brace and a ref shirt?!? Pat slides into the ring and counts, TWO?!?!? Cody survives and no one knows what to make of this! Well, the fans do know, “Ref, You Suck!” Pat isn’t sure what to do but Orton stands up. Pat says beat that ass, but Orton RKOS Pat!! The fans cheer that, but then Cody snatches Orton! CROSS RHODES!!! Cover, CODY WINS!!
Winner: Cody Rhodes, by pinfall (still Undisputed WWE Champion)
The moment Orton lost focus, he lost the title! In Pat’s defense, he was trying to help. But Orton grabs the belt to CLOBBER Cody with it!! The Viper may not have his 15th reign, but he looks at the belt in his hands, then looks down at Cody. Orton tosses the belt aside, just as he has the friendship with Cody! ORTON PUNT!!!! Vegas is erupting as Orton really has gone back to 2009!! Orton holds up the belt again, standing over Cody, a sinister smile on his bloodied face. Night one didn’t end how Orton wanted, but will he make sure this story with Cody meets a violent end?
My Thoughts:
A very good first night for WrestleMania 42, a lot of fun, and a lot better than the build was giving us. Though, given they televised the first hour and have only further commercialized Mania, there were also a lot of ads. And anyone on ESPN Unlimited, chances are you dealt with weird streaming problems where ad breaks made the thing skip back almost entire segments. As far as I could tell from the live crowd, they all enjoyed a large part of the show, except for how we ended on Orton standing tall but not champion. I’m a little surprised by that, given Pat being such a big part of the story. Jelly obliterating Pat and the desk was great, though.
But perhaps there’s more to this given Cody was using Heel tactics to counter Heel Orton, and how Orton turned on Pat already. Will “the powers that be” behind Pat now want to punish Orton? Is Cody going to actually turn Heel? Cody at least proved to Stephanie McMahon that Cody could do what he has to in order to beat “this Randy Orton.” Orton also ended up with kayfabe back problems outta nowhere, and I can’t be sure if that was supposed to protect Orton in the loss or what. Orton and Cody getting bloody was a nice touch, though. Even if you don’t factor in Pat, a lot of the problem is WWE didn’t factor in how fans would react to Orton doing these “2009 Orton” things to Cody, because the fans loved it from the moment Orton turned on Cody at the contract signing.
The televised hour was really good to get the ball rolling. Not sure The Vision needed a 9-way split screen… I figured Knight & Usos would win the Six Man Tag, but that wasn’t how I expected it. I did appreciate them turning the “misunderstanding causing dysfunction” around on Theory & Logan. Kudos to Speed hitting the SUPER frog splash, Speed might have himself a future in WWE. Fatu VS Drew was a very good Unsanctioned match, but obviously they weren’t going to go as far as anything AEW would do/has done. Maybe they should’ve bled here, too? Either way, great win for Fatu, but I’m not sure what’s next. Will Drew demand a rematch? Or will we finally learn who knocked Fatu’s teeth out last year?
Very good match from Rollins VS Gunther, on its way to great, though ironically that was partially because of the brawling they did before the match. Bron Breakker showing up was only a little surprising, as it was bound to happen, I’m just not sure it needed to happen to affect Rollins VS Gunther. It does protect Rollins in losing to Gunther, but did he need it? Gunther’s Gunther, Rollins can lose to him fair and square, and then Bron spears Rollins inside-out outta nowhere. Rollins VS Bron is now set, and I’m pretty sure Gunther cashes in that favor with Heyman to get his fight with Lesnar.
Very wonderful news from Bianca Belair, it turns out her hand wasn’t why she wasn’t back in the ring yet. John Cena did a good job “hosting” the show, but I don’t think WWE knows what that means anymore. Cena should’ve gotten to join commentary for the main event at least, not just give us the attendance numbers. And even then, just under 51K is not what I expected, but considering they had 60K last year… Well, WWE never acknowledges failings, so guess they’ll just move on like it’s all good.
Honestly, I think the overall best stuff was in the Women’s Division tonight. Well, I’m still not going to be a fan of Heels needing help to win when they can just cheat on their own, but of course Roxie & Raquel helped Liv out, and that gave Judgment Day their WrestleMania moment together. I feel like Vaquer will/should demand her rematch and we get that for Backlash, but in a match that actually stops Judgment Day from interfering. Great Intercontinental Championship match, though it ended up more about Becky’s beef with Jessica Karr than with AJ Lee. But speaking of Heels cheating on their own, Becky does just that, and boom, she’s champ again. I think that makes her and AJ tied in 1v1, so there’s gotta be a tiebreaker at some point.
And how great to see the Women’s Tag title match bring back Paige. A shame for Nikki and her foot but she at least got to be part of the win. Great ring gear for everyone, too, such as Bliss being a moth to pay tribute to Bray and The Irresistible Forces being Demolition. Can’t wait to see what’s next for Paige & The Bella Twins, but I feel like Paige won’t be on the same page as The Bellas for long if Nikki recovers completely and wants to be champion with Brie. But Paige back in the WWE is great in itself, can’t wait to see where she goes from here.
My Score: 8.8/10
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Results
Andrew’s JCW Strangle-Mania Results & Match Ratings: 4.18.2026
Grab yourself a Faygo, paint your face and punch sister, JCW Strangle-Mania is invading your brain!
You’re not reading this wrong! Lunacy popped up on my YouTube a few weeks ago, and what can I say, this reminds me of public access ECW Hardcore TV. It’s a bit campy, edgy and is unapologetically Juggalo.
Cokane, J-Rod, Big Al, Facade, and Kerry Morton have definitely intrigued me. On top of the established names like RVD, Nic Nemeth, Mr. Anderson and even Vince Russo has been refreshing.
Plus for somewhat legit reasons, Vampiro is having his retirement match tonight against PCO and Big Vito. So while I don’t know what to expect…I’m anticipating fun with a side of Faygo.
Ratings:
- St Claire Monster Corporation (Kongo Kong, Mr Happy, Beastman) vs Rock N’ Roll Express & Juggalo George South: AARP Trio win via Smashing Fat Dudes Together – (-**) – Yes that’s Negative 2
- Kamikaze Chaos Match: Mickie Knuckles vs Kerry Morton: Kerry wins via…Weapons – * 1/2
- The Outbreak (Abel & Jackson) w/Barnabas the Bizarre vs Brothers of Funstruction (Yabo & Ruffo): Outbreak win via As Above, So Below – ** 1/2
- JCW American Title: Facade (c) vs Mecha Wolf vs Ninja Mack vs Disco Ray w/The Ring Rat vs Boogie Boarding Mikey Avalon: Facade retains via Triple Jump Moonsault – ** 1/2
- JCW Women’s Title Tag Match: Katie Forbes Guest Referee: Big Al (c) & Dani Mo vs J-Rod & Nyla Rose: J-Rod wins via Double Chokeslam – ** 1/4 – TITLE CHANGE!!!
- Good Brothers & KENTA vs RVD w/Bill Alfonso, Willie Mack & 2 Tuff Tony: RVD wins via 5 Star Frog Splash – (-*)
- JCW Lunacy World Championship: EC3 Special Guest Referee: Cokane (c) vs Nic Nemeth vs Caleb Konley vs Matt Riddle: Cokane retains via Cokeslam – ** 3/4
- Vampiro’s Retirement Match: Vampiro vs PCO vs Big Vito: Vampiro wins via Nail in the Coffin – ***
Results:
Violent J opens the show, as he is want to do since he’s come back into part ownership. The Duke of the Wicked keeps it short and sweet since everyone’s been waiting. Smart move.
We move to a backstage segment with Jasmine St. Claire bitching at Vince Russo. There’s a stipulation of, if her Monster Corporation doesn’t win, they disband. She sort of alludes to the match, but it’s not an awful segment.
St Claire Monster Corporation (Kongo Kong, Mr Happy, Beastman) vs Rock N’ Roll Express & Juggalo George South
The monsters attack the ancient trio combine for probably 180 years old. Mr. Happy gets pushed away, George South and Ricky try to control Kongo Kong, but…oh no the Arm Wringers are working. I wasn’t sure at first, but Kongo is in the geriatric corner and isolated with frequent tags…not so quickly. Mr Happy gets tagged in, accidentally Lariats Kongo cause he’s silly.
Beastman just brings himself in and things are breaking down in Lucha level lack of rules. The big boys Monster Mash in the middle because Big vs Old mean everyone is slow. This match is in such slow motion it might be in reverse and Happy gets thrown into his own team because he’s a comedy goof who things its a game. This is…was complete crap.
I guess the pile of shit match got out of the way early. In the famous words of Roan from Grandia II…”Yikes”.
Kamikaze Chaos Match: Mickie Knuckles vs Kerry Morton
Special guest referee Claude aka Brian Zane. Kerry comes out with two white girls dressed like Geisha because he’s a Japanese Legend now.
After an Incel flavored misogynistic promo, he jumps Mickie before the bell, but she turns it around. Gives him the old Kitchen Sink and dumps him outside. Mickie tries to Dive, but Kerry has a perfectly timed Trash Can to her dome. He’s now grabbing chairs, doors, more trash can pieces. He’s building the kitchen just for Mickie. Since he takes forever, when he gets in Mickie grabs his balls and then hits him with a Brainbuster as he sells amusingly. After a few trash can lid shots, Kerry goes to grab Mickie…but you know, it doesn’t work the same for women. She snaps his fingers with her Kegel Grip. He grabs more weapons, cuts Mickie open, but Mickie continues to aim for Kerry’s dick including she just bites his…well…you know. Kerry is about to get Ass Attacked over and over, then uses a Trash Can to keep his face receiving her can.
Kerry goes to grab something but Mickie shoves her thumb up Kerry’s ass. Then she has Claude smell it and help him build the next prop spot. Kerry hits her with a few things, puts her on the gimmick pile, but thinks better than jumping onto it. Claude however rebuilds it and Kerry tries to rub his crotch in her face…which is dumb. So she Headbutts his crotch, he falls through the gimmick pile. Claude gets to a two count and then sneezes.
Kerry hits Claude with a V Trigger accidentally. Saito Suplex, German and then a Northern Lights Suplex from Mickie, but Claude is dead, so no referee for the count. Kerry manages to turn things around, Suplexes Mickie through a door, beats her across the skull with the pieces but she fires, Donkey Kick to the back of her head, and he pins her with his crotch in her face. Claude is miraculously alive, and counts the three.
Not a good match, but kinda fun in how despicably shit it was.
The Outbreak (Abel & Jackson) w/Barnabas the Bizarre vs Brothers of Funstruction (Yabo & Ruffo) vs BackSeat Boyz (Tommy & JP Grayson)
Oh look, Ruffo found Yabo. Glad he’s not sleeping with the fishes yet.
The clowns bounce a balloon off the zombies…and the zombies fire and attack, so they start brawling. Jackson and Yabo start throwing hands, before Ruffo and Abel get involved again. The tornado aspect continues, there’s no control and Violent J walks out. Tells them to expect the unexpected.
BackSeat Boyz come down, T Gimmick the zombies, the clowns face off with them and BackSeats do a little dance, before the clowns make them pay with stereo Manhattan Drops and then a coconut crunch. Zombies are back up, slides under legs, stereo Slingblades, Corner Attacks of Splashes and Uppercuts, the Clowns flop out after the punishment. BackSeat is back in, but the zombies were winning until an Eye Rake, but then Tommy eats an Assited Flatliner. Outbreak wants As Above…but BackSeat stop it, hit the Street Sweeper! They want to T Gimmick Jackson, but Ruffo and Yabo Balloon the Boyz. Hulk Hand Uppercut rocks JP, Rubber Chicken Assisted Big Boot lays out Tommy.
Rubber Chicken Tickle doesn’t work on zombies so they dispose of Ruffo, hit Yabo with As Above, So Below and out favorite cocaine alcoholic zombies win the match!
The Outbreak had some cocaine on them and do celebratory cocaine! Barnabas is beside himself.
JCW American Title: Facade (c) vs Mecha Wolf vs Ninja Mack vs Disco Ray w/The Ring Rat vs Boogie Boarding Mikey Avalon
Well if you score based on looks, you’d think only Mecha, Mack or Facade should win this match.
Disco Ray starts his dance, trying to get the vibes rolling, everyone is playing along until he gets to Facade who just flips him off and shoves him. So everyone dogpiles Facade because he’s a dick, then we get a test of strength, but Ray is just vibing and dancing. Mecha clears the other three, but Ray’s hips don’t lie and he Splits under a lariat, hits one of his own, wiggles out cinque and drops Mack, Mikey Avalon eats a Flip, Flop and Fly with tambourines. Ray is having fun, but Facade returns to the match and ends Ray’s fun.
Ray tries to Irish Whip Facade, he does a Neck Bridge in the corner for about a minute. Ray gets Up and Overed, Avalon eats a kick after a Matrix, Mecha eats a Disaster Kick from Facade and then goes for an Escalara, but Ninja Mack cuts off Facade. Mack is taking too long to so his Cartwheel Corkscrew Splash and Avalon just gets involved. Avalon Sabu’s a Boogie Board at Facade and then a Scoop Slam with the board.
Avalon uses a Surfboard Stretch, with a Surfboard. Mecha Wolf clocks Avalon and spikes Ninja Mack. Frog Splash from Mecha, but Disco makes the save. Ray connects on a Neckbreaker, but Ninja Mack flies out of nowhere with an Uppercut, Facade with a Rope Walk Dropkick but Mecha hits a Busaiku Knee and everyone is down. Side Slam from Avalon, but Mecha Powders. Cannonballs for all from Avalon. Mecha Muta Mist to Avalon, Ninja Mack Superkick, Mack hits a Sasuke Special on Mecha! Ray tries some rope run, but Facade counters it into a cradle, Ray hits Panic at the Disco but Facade kicks out.
Ring Rat doesn’t want to give Ray the chair, she turns on Ray with a Low Blow. Facade has the chair, Facade Sabu’s the chair, sets it up, Triple Jump Moonsault for the Sabu reference, Facade retains. Not executed well, but neither were most of Sabu’s moves and then we see the Ring Rat walk up the ramp to Steven Flowe.
The Green Phantom comes out…oy vey. Oh and it’s literally just him walking around the crowd and then he leaves.
JCW Women’s Title Tag Match: Katie Forbes Guest Referee: Big Al (c) & Dani Mo vs J-Rod & Nyla Rose
Oh, this is where Nyla is now. I haven’t heard her name in so long I thought she died.
J-Rod and Al start, a few strikes exchanged, Saito Suplex from Big Al and then an Air Raid Crash, for a near fall. Al tags in Dani, a delayed splash and another near fall. Dani keeps J-Rod in the corner with some kicks, a Snapmare to send her out, and then a few more kicks and lariats. Big Al asks for a tag, Dani says no, but when Dani gets close enough Al tags herself in and it gives J-Rod time tag out to Nyla.
Nyla lands one corner Splash, Al moves from the second, but Nyla just grabs Al and tosses her across the ring. Dani tags herself in, flies at Nyla and gets caught and slammed down. Nyla walks Dani to the heel corner, tags out to J-Rod and corner Shoulder Thrusts, quick tags are leaving Dani isolated and eating punishment. The heels are working together better than the tumultuous babyfaces. GAHD Damn J-Rod is gorgeous. Sorry it’s 5:30 in the morning and I haven’t slept. I’m distracted and my filter is slipping.
Quick tags continue, Nyla is now in but Dani manages to fight back. Crescent Kick from Dani, Code Red and…only a two count! Dani wants the Moonmist Twist, Nyla stops it, drops Dani and tags out to the Gorgeous Gladiator. Dani eats Snake Eyes and then a Big Boot but only two again. Corner Hip Attacks, J-Rod walks Dani out of the corner with her draped over her shoulders, Samoan Drop. Big Al breaks up the pinfall, Katie admonishes Big Al so Nyla walks in Double Chokeslam while the referee isn’t looking. J-Rod pins Dani…1-2-3! Alice expected Dani to kick out and the fact she didn’t, Al is frustrated.
I’m a big fan of J-Rod, Alice and Dani, but some of the spots were awkward and that finish fell flatter than a pancake.
Good Brothers & KENTA vs RVD w/Bill Alfonso, Willie Mack & 2 Tuff Tony
RVD walking down about to ask KENTA to pick a hand. Between Tony and RVD…god damn these entrances are taking forever.
Karl and Tony are gonna start, but he holds up a finger to grab his bottle of…Kettle One…or whatever that is. He polishes the bottle off and then ties up finally! Tony shoots off the ropes, eats a Shoulder Tackle so Karl tags in Gallows because of a the size discrepancy. Tony takes another swig from his bottle, and I get the liquid courage gimmick, but Tony is old, slow and wrestles like shit. Can we just get him out to someone who can go?
Thank Christ, Tony tags in Willie and now we might see some wrestling. Willie wants to test power, they run into each other a few times and no one gives. Gallows tries to Lariat Willie, Willie ducks and hits Gallows with the Gamengiri. Gallows tags out, KENTA points at RVD, and we get Rob Van Dam versus KENTA.
KENTA acts like they’re about to tie up, ducks it and goes to his corner chuckling. Rob lands a punch, KENTA is bleeding, RVD wants Rolling Thunder but Karl drags him out. Now is a shitty brawl but KENTA looks a bit out of it. The vibe seems like Rob connected with KENTA and hard wayed him. Willie hits a Stunner, KENTA with the Busaiku, RVD with a kick, RVD hits the Van Daminator on Gallows. Tony hits the Meteorite on Gallows, RVD goes up, 5 Star Frog Splash, RVD wins!
This was a pile of shit. RVD breaks KENTA’s nose on the second real move of this slog, they do something stupid for a few minutes before someone just said go to the finish.
4 Way Elimination: JCW Lunacy World Championship: EC3 Special Guest Referee: Cokane (c) vs Nic Nemeth vs Caleb Konley vs Matt Riddle
Can this match be decent? Please? Like give me one. Nemeth comes out in Juggalo paint.
Caleb mouths off a little, everyone gangs up and chucks him out. Riddle starts throwing Knees, Cokane rolls through the turnbuckle, Rebound Big Boot, but a big Lariat miss and Riddle hits a few Gutwrench Suplexes, Senton, and works over Cokane. Caleb runs in, dispatches Riddle, tries to keep Cokane on the back foot but a Blue Thunder Bomb stops Caleb. Cokane pulls out straws and wants to use them like the MASADA Skewer spot, but Caleb fights him off. A little more jockying for position, Cokane tries his rope walk, but Caleb trips him up, Cokane crashes and Caleb kicks Cokane to the outside. Nemeth comes in hot, Splash, Rude Awakening, FameASSer for two!
Cokane wants a Cokeslam, Super Kick says no, Riddle hits a Cutter, wants a Tombstone, but no. Caleb hits a Low Blow on Nemeth, Burning Hammer, and Caleb eliminated Nic Nemeth first. Riddle hits an Exploder, Senton, PK, but Cokane comes in, Drop Step, Wrist Control, Rip Cord Knee, Fisherman Buster and Riddle is rolling. Floating Bro on both men and Riddle looks like the favorite at this point. Tombstone locomotion, Riddle hits a Gotch variation of the Brostone. Another Low Blow on Riddle from Caleb, another Burning Hammer, and Riddle is gone.
Caleb runs Cokane into the corners, Chop exchanges between the remaining two guys turns into punches. Backfist from Caleb, and then a Superkick, Caleb wants the Shotei, but hits EC3 accidentally. Cokeslam gets countered. Cokane gets thrown into the ropes, he’s wiley like a crackhead, eventually we get a Lethal Injection. Cokane goes for his cocaine, but Steven Flowe shows up again to play DARE officer and say no to drugs. LOW BLOW from Caleb! Burning Hammer number three! EC3 stops his count at two. EC…can’t count to three.
Ethan is putting his foot down with all the Low Blows. Cokane sits up, finds more cocaine, COKESLAM! 1-2-3! Tony Khan must’ve given Cokane the back up stash. Good call.
While Cokane retaining isn’t a bad idea…EC3 makes a cocaine angel in the middle of the ring afterwards, is funny. These matches have all been either garbage or depressing.
Vampiro’s Retirement Match: Vampiro vs PCO vs Big Vito
Vamp walks out with J and Shaggy, gives Dark Carnival WCW flashbacks. Vampiro cuts a promo at the beginning of the match about the first time he met ICP in WCW. Let’s assume it’s a real retirement, he deserves a moment to wax poetic before the match. He then goes around the horn with a comment about PCO and Vito as well. But again, it’s okay, its a retirement angle. Vamp’s little comedic way he cuts a promo while still being poignant and cool, helps land the show. Now lets hope the match isn’t garbage.
PCO and Vamp are throwing chops while Vito doesn’t mind not being hit. Vito tries to hit the ropes and Double Lariat, but they level Vito and keep slugging. PCO rocks Vamp, Splashes him in the corner and then Kicks Vito in the stomach and throw him out. Vamp bounces PCO’s face off the post, Vito goes after Vamp, they fight into the crowd and Vito rocks Vamp, Vamp hits a random dude in the crowd, and the guy seems like a good sport. PCO returns to the brawl going after both guys, but Vito turns things around on PCO and fights Vamp back to the ring.
Vamp is flipping people off, absorbing the hits just to talk shit to the crowd and his opponents. It’s obvious that Vampiro is enjoying himself. Vito calls Violent J into the ring since the Dark Carnival stuck around for support. Vito kicks J, starts throwing down Forearms and then Shane Mercer slides in, the Mercer-Nary. Shane wraps his fist in a chain, Vito holds J, J ducks, Shane levels Vito. J and Shaggy gang up on Shane to take him out, now PCO starts beating on Vito. Fist to the head, Leg Drop, and Vampiro is content watching for a little bit. Vamp breaks the next pinfall attempt, goes for his own but Vito kicks out and Vito goes for a Crossface. PCO’s foot comes down to break up the submission, then his stomps on Vampiro, Vito tries to sneak a cover but not yet.
French Canadian Frankenstein with a few Forearm Shots and a short Lariat to send Vito to the ground. PCO lays strikes into PCO, but Vito shoves PCO out of the way to kick Vampiro himself. Two more instances of Vito shoving PCO away, and PCO is allowing it, but after the third shove, PCO catches Vito in a Chokeslam. Spinning Back Kick by Vamp on PCO, Nail in the Coffin! The Driver looked bad, the finish was odd, but Vamp is nearly 60 and battling Alzheimer’s. I’m not mad. Vampiro wins his retirement match!
Overall Score: 4.5/10
Well Spring Break started late and went long, so Strangle-Mania started like 66 minutes late. So I sit here, past 7am Eastern…and it’s not for Wrestle Kingdom…weird times man. But yeah, wrestling content, this was garbage. Anything that had a chance to be cool was either marred with short cuts or cut short because of an errant punch. Now I will say, a card with the Rock N’ Roll Express, George South, KENTA, RVD, Nic Nemeth, Nyla Rose and professional Zombie wrestlers…was not on my BINGO card this year. So there’s aspects of this show that were fun, the commentary booth was unhinged, J-Rod winning the title is the correct decision. She’s gorgeous, great physique, solid wrestler and going to be on the new American Gladiators, so it’s free publicity baby. The Kerry Morton match was also completely inane, but wonderfully so. There is a soft spot in my heart for Self Aware Comedic Hardcore.
Vampiro’s retirement was nice, sentimental, and a feel good moment since Vito ate the pin.
Like I said, there was no real wrestling to be extrapolated from this show, but there was some entertainment. I’m not gonna rate the show highly because the matches were almost all bad or barely passable. But being a little delirious from being up for like 32 hours with no sleep…I didn’t fall asleep. So at least the show wasn’t boring.
Maybe I’ll start covering Lunacy on Fridays (I cover TNA that’s also on Thursday, so JCW will have to take the tape delay backseat). But yeah, Cokane retaining, Steven Flowe going full heel and stealing the Ring Rat with Caleb Konley getting screwed by EC3. There’s some interesting possibilities for the weekly show.
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